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REP J CAN. V J3J THE i V it VOLUME VII SAVE K : pvritoiviscE CIIAS. PFLANZE'S NEW FURNITURE STORE, Maryville, Keep eonUtantly on bind, mil make to order, every Oofllue niada tu order nl kept constantly tin hand. OiTe me a trial. All work warranted to lie repr-cnted. I'rices cheap for cash. Salesroom and factory find door uoith 01 C. Kaitrr'i liu shop. W. W. MANUFACTURER OF BOOTS, SHOES, SADDLES, SOLE LEATHER UPPEK LEATIIEli. Harness Leather, Kip Skins, etc., Springfield, Tennessee, (Two Vlloa Northeast of Maryville.) uk Duua a Dry Goods, Groceries, Hardware, Quecnsware, Notions, etc. CmIi paid for Ridoa, at advance! GEO. A. TOOLE, MABTVILLB, TEISTN", rEALEn in DRUGS AND ESSENTIAL OILS, GUMS, SPONGES, FANCY GOODS, PERFUMERY, PATENT MEDICINES, ETC. Fhywicianw l?rescriptioiiH Careiully Filled. W. J. BETTERTON &l BRO., Knoxville, AND Wn0LF.RAl.lt Whiskes, Brandies, and Wines, A B tbey make their own whiskies, they know them their CORN WHISKY, WHITE RYE WHISKY, SILVER SPRAY WHISKY, 1KD XXXX Roane County Whisky. Tbeae whiskies iro tbrongh a process or pnrlflcatlon lontly reoommeud tbem, even for medicinal purposes, NEW GOODS ! " I have just received a new stock of Goods at my store, known as HUFFSTETLER'S STORE, Near Carpenter's Camp Ground. Those goods have beeu selected with Care, nnd arc suited to the wants of THE PEOPLE, And consist of DRY GOODS, GROCERIES, HARDWARE, &c, and will be sold to customers on lEEA-SOA-BLE TERMS. fr-tf All I ask is a fair trial. Am thankful for past patronage hope to merit u continuance of the saint'. I will give Good Weight and Measure. M. .A. CAIN. J. M. LANCASTER, WATCH AND CLOCK REPAIRER. Knoxville, Teiin., rt EST BIl'K MARKET Hgt'AnK. reraims from l'.lotiiit county, while In the city, wanting anything DONE IN MY LINE, o are invited to give mo a call. CHARGES M0D1RRATE. All work Warranted, if Dosirod. Tonncssoe. varlery of lumituro, from the cheapen! to the flue.it Lawrence, prices, delivered at my Yard. MEDICINES, Tennessee. 3 DEALERS IX to be perfectly fURE. They offer to lb trad. peculiar to their own manufacture, and they i aa equal to any whiskies tlutt are made. AVr. 1 CU30LIIVS, WHOLESALE AND DETAIL 1IEAI.EB IN PIANOS, ORGANS; MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS, SHEET MUSIC, MUSIC HOOKS, &C. 93 Gay Street, Knoxville, Tenn. Violin Strings a Specialty, OUDF.ns SOLICITED. Devoted to Literature, News of MARYVILLE, TENNESSEE, SATURDAY, APRIL 25, 1S74. THE &OFT OUITAIi. A PRIMATIO FIUQMENr. S-KitK Moonlight. Beneath the ladv'. window appeareiu lue lover and logeUi, with guitar aocom. LOVER. pen thy lattlo. O lady bright ! 1 he earth lie oalin In the fair moonlight : One on the glint of "each glancing atar, And Hit to the notea of my aolt guitar. At the lady's window a vision shone Twin the lady's head, with a night-cap on. LOVFR. (In tcttni.) Hoe! at the casement appearing now, With Illy nuaers she hlOea her imiw. Oh, wa.p not though bitter thy sorrows are, I will aoutbe thein to roat with my aoft guitar. Then the lady answered : " Who's mina tn Oo "way with your Addle, and let nie sleep." LOVES. (Suldeard, but ttill hoprul.) Then aleep, dear lady : tby fringed lida close. Pinions of cheruba fan thy rrjiosa, While through thy casement, slightly ajar, Steal the aweet notes of my aoft guitar. Then the lady her " aecret Bain" mnfmnl n uu mo iiuuuure murmur : on, give ua a reat ! (Slightly ditrouraprd.) Chide me not harshly, O lady fair I uuua iroru uiy lattice and hear my prayer. Sighing for thee I wander afar. Mournfully touching my aoft guitar. And the lady answered : "You stupid thing, If you've got the catarrh atop trying to alug 1" (Fillrd ril natural and righttmu indignation.) Cruel but fair one, thy acorn restrain 1 IMter death's quiet than thy disdain. I co to fall in tome distant war Hearing in tattle my loved guitar. Answered the lady : " Well, hurry and an ! 1'ui holding the elop-batm ready to throw." (Making immrdiatr p'tpnratiom tn d.patt.) False one. I leave thee ! When I'm at rest Still shall my memory haunt thy lireast : A spectral vision thy joy shall mar A skeleton touching a soft guitar I From the lady's window her dulcet tones On the night-wind floated : " Oo it, Old Uoncs I" Then the lover, in agony, roamed afar Fell limp In the gutter aud smashed his guitar. A CALIFORNIA IDYL. Tho declining svtu was casting his rays over "Poor Man s Gulch," situnted at the foot of tho Sierra Nevada, near where the town of Mariposa now stands, at the close of one fine day (dry season) in the year of our Lord 1854. As we said before, the sun was cast ing his rays over the Gulch up the tow ering heights of the hilli, bringing out the rich green of the waving pines, aud lighting rip the faces of a group of men who stood watching an advancing fieure. Tho aforesaid figure i lowly plodded its way along, followed by a verv discour aged looking mule, bearing upon its book the simple outfit of n prospecting niaer, ' There was a look of discontent npon the faces of the reception committee, and they even eyed the stranger with suspic on. The fact was. such a num ber of strangers liRd come to their camp claiming hospitality, who had been weighed in tho balanco and found want ing, that they were deoidedly averse to extending the right hand of fellowship to a subject unless he proved to be of tne right stripe. All doubts wm eweedily dispelled as tho stranger's honest face came in view. and when Sim Carlock, the spokesman of the party, stepped forward and grasp ed his hand, he received a hearty wel come. The new comer was not allowed to say a word until ho had partaken of a hearty supper, his long-eared compan ion in the meantime being well taken care of. The snn, with the promptitude so pe culiar to that part of the country, had gone aown witn a "piump, very much resembling the extinguishment of a can dle by means of the application of a finger and thumb. After supper found tno stranger seated in the midst of a party who had assembled to make his acquaintance, pipe in hand, and his face wearing a calm, contented air whioh seemed to say : " Tere I am ; yere I am amongst good friends, and yere I'm go in' to stay." An awkward silence succeeded tho ceremony of introduction, as, aocording i. 11.. ii... :i: -n ii. -i. . to uiu urcu jiiuvauiug Duquette, 11 was ue to tne new-comer to have tho first say. .The silence was broken by a laconic remark from the stranger to the effect that his name was Iliram Tucker. Thus encouraged, the party soon got from lm Lis simple story, which amounted to this : He was a bachelor, and hailed from an Eastern state. At the breaking out of tho gold fever he took it into his head that to carry a cargo of Yankee notions around the Horn would be a good speculation. He arrived at Ban Francieoo in good order, sold his cargo, and lost his erew, who deserted as soon aa the ship cast anchor. There ho was in a strange land, with plenty of money iu his pocket aud no means of returning homo. Accepting the situation in a graceful way peculiar to himself, "and having no family ties, he decided to cast his lot in tho golden land, hoping some day to become a useful citizen. What with the high rates of living and tho gaming-table Uncle Tuokor for so they dabbed him-peedily became a poor man. Becoming oonscious that he must now work for a living, ho scraped up enough from his shattered fortunes to provide himself with nn outfit, and be gan grubbing in tho earth and inspect ing the rocks in search of that which constituted the chief aim of man at that partioulnr time and place. His statement included a long list of disap pointments, lucky finds, and wander nigs, which would tire the reader's patience should we enumerate them in detail. Suffice it to say that Uncle Tucker met with tho same good fortune as nine-tenths of his compatriots. He had more than once mudo up his mind " tew strike west, an' go tew Jaypan," as ho had heard a man could live for almost nothing there j but here he wa", high and dry, at Toor Man's Gulch, and if the boys would lond a hand he would set up a shanty and settle down. The boys oertiiin'y wonld lend a hand, and after cordially shaking hands they bade Unelo Tucker goodnight. The next day tho work of ereoting the new habitation begnn in good earn est, and by night a neat, substantial log s)ianty stood ready for occupancy. "iBtilomen," said Uncle Tucker that night, as tho levities came to a close, the Day, Agricultore, and " I name this ' Hotel TndennrlAnAa The latch strincr is alius out. an' f tlm door is ever barred may a i nthqueck come an shake ev'ry peg ont of the joints, and leave no timber on another. Ev'ry brother is welcome tor come un' go when ho pleases, an' the tnanks o'f uncie iucKer tow all. A stranger oome among ye and ye took . 'im in. My - ,., c. ...... .Uw., - ho added hastily, as he turned and closed tlio door. J.I10 faso of every man wore a pleased expression. The satisfaction of doing Boon mm lor tne nonest-hearted, kindly old man was amola awmnensa. tion lor lost timo -not counting in tho look of gratitude he emv. them aa he retired irom view. ; Uncle Tucker lo cated a claim, had his declaration filed. Bnd manfully went to work. His first assay was encouraging being reported asfqual to ten dollars ft ton, whioh Unclo Tucker said was the beBt he had done in a dog's age, and he oonld afford to pat himself on tho back for it. It was a rieht cheerful siirht to see tho old man grubbing away in the warm suniignt nis bald head Blistoninir with tho highest polish, and the clods of moist earth Hying in showers behind him. He looked so happy that those about him would sometimes rest on their picks to gaze on him, and when he looked up they would fall to work gain. Xhe womeu nnd children loved Luclo Tucker, and Sunday afternoons the old man would take a party of little ones, and they would go away upon the uuiH ana gatner hugo bunches of deli cious grapes, which had been planted by the Franciscan monks a century ago. Uncle luoker had been nearly a year at Toor Man's Gulch when another stranger arriv. d. Not that itwasnnusnal for strangers to arrivo and too, for that matter but this was a ntranger of importance It was this way. Unclo Tucker was working in his claim one day when his eyes caught '"lthful figure coming toward him. Juo figuro seemed to be that of a Lr of about fourteen years of bko. He had a fresh. clear complexion, a fine, dark oy, and black .hair, which fell in curls upon his shoulders. In his hand ho carried n small black bag, nnd he had the appearance of having traveled from a distance. He walked straight np to the old ninn, who regarded him in per plexity. He whispered to the miner. who dropped his pick, stared at him a moment iu speechless surprise, and then clasped him in hiu arms..-' Come all the way from Down Yeast tew see his old uncle ! Come yere. boys, come yere 1" The boys "came," and Uncle Tucker addressed them thus ; . " Yere's me, boys Hiram Tnc'ker ! An' yere's my nevvy, Joseph Tucker, oome all the way from Djwii Yeast tew see his old nnole L,',. Aud opep itaorethq delighted old man embraced, his now found nephew. "Not another stroke few-day, Joe," said he, shonlderinghis t to Is and taking the boy by the hand. "C me tow Ho tel Independence an' toll '-us all about it 1" And they moved off followed by such exclamations as "Fine boy! "Good luck, ole hoss 1" ' " Saryes ye right 1" etc. Arriving at Hotel Independence, it was found full of children who were told by Unclo Tucker to run home and tell mammy that ho had got a new nephew. The tired boy was laid npon therndo bed, and then ho told his story. What he said we know not, for it was not intended for the general ear; we only know that it was attended with somo tears and a great many consola tory remarks from Uncle Tucker. Young Joe speedily became a favorite in Poor Man's Gulch. His qniet, unas suming ways and cheerful disposition won him many friends. He had a way, too, of brightening up the rough cabin, putting bunches of wild flcrwers here and there, and making various useful ornaments. Games with cards were grad ually abolished in Hotel Independence, nnd instead Joe read to the guests from books which his uncle sent to "Frisoo" for. Then sometimes they would joko Joe about his mustache, which was yet to oome, at whioh Joo would blush and laugh, though at his own expense. Two years passed away, and then a young lady residing in the Guloh took it into her head to fall in love with Joe. A change came over Uncle Tucker from the time of the discovery of this pas sion. He did not loso any of his good traits he was the same good-hearted old man, but lie was more silent. Some said things didn't pan out aa they should ; but that could not be tho rea son, as he was getting along very welL Something weighed heavily on his mind, at all even 8 ;- and Joe seemed to be in the same frame of mind as his nnole. This was a source of distress to their friends, as they would confide in no one, and so could not be advised. Among the lower classes at the gulch was a Mexican half-breed by the name of Pedro, but called "Lobos" on ao connt of his evil disposition. It had often been proposed to drive him and his corojianions from the camp, but through the wishes of Uncle Tncker they were permitted to remain. Better had his kind interference been unheeded, for the objects of his good offices did very little but sit ii the sun and p ay with their curious-looking, greasy cards, One evening Unclo Tucker was return ing from his work when he met Joe at the door, pale as death and all in a tremble. "My boy I my boy I What is the matter 1" cried the astonished old man. "Nothing, uncle ; nothing of conse quence," returned Joe. ' " But ther is, my son ; yer pale and trcrablin. Toll ole uncle." " Tcdro went in and frightened him," squeaked a youngster, standing by. " Was he inBultin' tew my boy 1" de manded Uncle Tucker, throwing his tools to the ground, Joo did not answer, nnd tho now an gry man strode rapidly towards the back shed. From there he procured a iioavy black-snake whip, and sttirtsd down the gulch. He presently came upon Tedro, lounging along, but who saw him in time to lay his hand upon a revolver, which was iufdantly wrenched from him by tho stalwart old miner. The blows from the black-snake rained fast and heavy upon the writhing vic tim ; do what ho could he could not break from that iron grnp, an I he was only released when the nrm that wielded tho whip was thoroughly tired out, "Ther," said Uncle Tucker, throwing Important Local Intelligence, mm irom iim, " come an insnit my boy agin, will ye? Ye yellow-bolliet: sconnorei i What g that r Malidito le will, hey? Scoot now, git 1" And the half-breed moved off muttering. "Home men moughter blowed his head off for less ; but thet's agin my principles," said Unclo Tucker to the assemblage, who wero so taken aback nt seeing him in a rage that no one lifted a nand to help him. "My boy," said the old man that night just before retiring, "we'vogot tew leave. We'll go Yeast or strike fnr somo other diggm s on the Nevada side. It's hard tew leave ole friends, but we go: tew go, sonny." "How would Japan do, uncle?" " Jaypan won't do. sonny. I under- stan ther very much opposed tew furl nert en thct kentry." "Uncle." said Joe. laving his hand aiiectionately on tho old man g head, "you are unhappy on my acoonut. I know yon are, and rather lhan put you out, Joe will go back homo at least not home but I will go away." " My child," said Uncle Tucker, lay. nig nn nana on Joe s arm, " don t ye ever speak thet way agin tew yer ole unc:e. in met or out o luck, we re parduers. What's mine is yonrn. an' what's yourn m yonrn. Favorite sister o mine's child, Joe ; an' yer ole nnole loves yo as he does tho apple of his eye, Pto, no : wo u light out an go whar no one knows ns, an ntart in different. Yon shell go to school, Joe, an' yer ole unclo 11 see ye git a good education. Thet's settled, my child. Good nicht." And drawing tho curtain that separated his bed from the main room, he turned in. The next morning Uncle Tucker was off bright and early to his claim j bin face wore a happier look than it had win for months, llo had no appre hensions of the half-breed, as ho was a cooly brave man, and he did not think Pedro would molest the boy after tho lesson ho had receive.1. It was his in tention to sell out his claim, bid his friends good-by, and locate somewhere else. "Jimmy." said Unclo Tucker to a r.d-shirted Hercules, who stood at his side, wlmt'll ye allow for the claim ? " " Oh, sho 1 Uncle Tucker." replied Jimmy, " you don't want to sell ont." " Don t know bout that; what 11 ye give ? " At this moment a boy ran up calling to the old man. " Yere's me ! " said he, turning to tho boy with his old smile. Undo Tucker, come up to the hotel, quick 1 Somepins happen." "What is it, sonny? Fer God's sake tell me t Is it Joe ? " "Don't know, Uncle Tncker" re plied the boy ; all I know is, welteerd a n'ise in the shanty, an the nex' thing some one went by on the mulo, makin' big time." i Unclo Tucker waited to hear no more, but ran on for his house. There was a crowd at the door waiting for him. Ho rushed in, and there, extended on the bed, lay tho lifeless form ef his beloved Joe ! There he lay covered with stab wounds, and quite dead. With a heart broken cry, the old miner threw him solf on his knees at the Bide of the bed. " Speak to ole uncle, honey !" he cried ; " speak, Joe, an tell who did it I" But there was no reply from Joe. "My child, my child 1 Podro ! S'arch him out an' shoot him down !" thundered the enraged man. Pedro? Was it Pedro? A man stooped at the side of the bod and picked up one of those curious-looking cards, a mute witness of tho terrible deed, but bearing npon its face nnmis takablo evidenoe as to the murderer. Yes, it was Pedro. A dozen men im mediately set out in pursuit of the murderer. Tho grief of tho old man was painful to witness. The room was cleared nnd a consultation hold outside as to what had best be done. It was argued that no one but the Mexican had been guilty of the crime, and that if he was cap tured ho would be in safe hands. They tkought it would be well for a doctor to examine the body and make a report to a committee of citizens. A rcd-shirted miner, wh was the district physician, pushed open the door and entered the room. He announced his errand to Unclo Tucker, nnd softly approached the bed. He opened the boy's jacket and gently turned it back. He started and stepped back, while a deep blush dyed his face and neck, as if he had been caught in some shameful net. He turned to leave the room, when the old man, who had been watching him, clutched him nervously by the pleeve. "Not yit, not yit, doo," he whis- Eered. " To-morrow, an th.-n ye may. ict the bnrryin' take place thia arter noon. An' will ye oomo an' ece to my dear child?". The doctor said ho wonld ; and wring ing Uncle Tucker's hand he passed out. That afternoon a solemn procession wended its way np the hills to a level spot under the waving pines. A grave l ad been dug, and the rudo coffin was gently lowered into it. Amid the hushed sobs of tho griof stricken man the rough doctor road tho burial ser vice. Grief was depicted in every stern face and every eyo held a tear. As the men stepped forward to fill tho grave the hardest character in tho cump ad vanced aud threw n pack of cards npon tho box which held the form of little Jre. There was a rude eloquence in tho act, nnd one which spoke volumes in behalf of tho simple-hearted fellow, who showed his devotion to the dead in the best way he could. The grave was filled up and a little mound raised over it, which was covered with the puro white syringa whioh grew all about in profusion. "lew-morrow, aoo, an men ye may," faltered Uncle Tucker, as be stood in his door. " Come in the momin' an' I'll tell ye why." The light burned lato in Hotel Independence that night.aud some said Uncle Tucker was praying. Little groups of men stood about, talking in subilupd whispers, hen tho sound of horses' hoofs were heard coming np the road. It was the party who had gone iu pursuit of the murderer. A no.l from I he leader showed that justioehad been dealt out to the fugitive, and ev ery man breathed freely. The next morning the dostor went to Uncle Tucket's door, no knocked, but receiving no answer walked in. The mom was vacant, and tho bed had not leen disturbed. Perplexed, the doc- Etc. tor looked about him, when his ey caught something white lavinir on thi table. It was a letter directed to him. Upening it, he read : The dauter nv a favrite sixter nv mine, lnain her mother an liaviu a crul father, rum awa au corns too her ole tin k el. Hlie come in tliis yer camp aa a boy, an fur sliaim to mi child an feer uv tnakin talk i lets her eta ao. Hlie wob thee darliu nv ole Turkor h liart an the Lord licln I'ldro if be cite Rite on liiuini. Mi Mil uv tho wally wan tooked from ola nnkel afore he woa lito-out wlitir no wuu node htmm. Ole Tucker's bed's atlre, doc. Ml affection too thee boys and tol em mi storry and i will beo fur awa. Good by. Jjeephine Tucker was licruaim. IIIBIM Xl'CKKH. The hand of the doctor trembled as he read this simple epistle ; old Unole Tucker had gone from among them. and his kindly old face wonld never be seen again. An hour later another lifeless form lay in the Hotel Independence. Some passers-by saw a figure stretched npon the littl 3 grave np in the pines, and go ing to it found it to be Uncle Tucker, with his arms clasped about the mound and his soul far away. They brought him back and laid lum on the rude bed, with the bright nun shining in and play ing npon his lifeless features, which wore the smile of old. "What's doc say, Jim?" said a by stander. He sez a stroke of aperplexy knocked him under." was the answer. "Well, aperplexy some call it. re plied tho other, but I say he died of a broken-heart. WINE AND WHISKY. Prorerliannd Ei tracts for the Times tlmt Try Womeu'a Bonis. WISE ritOVEKDS. 1. In tino veritns. 2. A heart for wino is a heart for kindness. . A real wine drinker laughs with his eyes. 4. XJewaro of tno wino vault, facms dcnrmnti Arcrni. 5. Burgundy smiles, hock winks, champagne laughs. C Port for the people, elarct lor the gentry, bnt gundy for princes. 7. Good wine should drink smooth like liquified velvet. 8. Jjovo stole its purple light irom the wino cup. 9. Uupid and champagne exchange many a glnnce. 10. Of wine and love tno lirst taste is best : noeecond sip equals it. 11. The bottle is ot the aristocracy ; treat it like a gentleman. . 12. The Caliban of wine is port, the Ariel champagne. 13. The bottle is the most voluptuous of assassins. 14. The religion of wine is catholic. p 15. Value wine like women for ma turity not age. 1G. Wliisper no gallantries at the ta ble till the champagne has gone round. 17. Wine wit is the soul's rainbow. 18. Wine nnd youth are fire upon fire. 19. Good wine is milk for the ages. 20. Wine is a turn-coat, first a friend, then an enemy. 21. When the wino is in the wit is out. 22. Wine of tho second bottle is a bad story-teller. 23. The drunkard's fault is not the wine's, but his own. 24. Your stomach is your wine cellar; keep the stock small and good. ALCOHOLIC EXTRACTS. " The function of alcohol is to dimin ish the necessary function of living." John Ftikc. " Aloohol enables ns to destroy the laws of nature without suffering imme diate and speedy destruction." Parlon. " Alcohol is the monarch of liquids. America was subjugated by aloohol as by gun-powder." kavarin. "This thirst for a liquid whioh nature has wrapped in mystery, this extraordi nary desire, traceable in every race of man, in every climo, under every tem pera ure, is well worth the attention o tno philosphical observer." bavarin. "Can we imagine a beverage com pounded of such ingredients as nux vomica, henbane, opium, arsenic, sul phurio aoid, oil of turpentine, sugar of lead, tannin, aloes, and quassia, without an involuntary shudder '"Hartley. "A flattering devil, a sweet poison, a pleasant sin, whioh whosoever doth commit committeth not a single sin but becometh centre and slave of all man ner of sin." &L Augustine. " The creator in constructing the hu- mun body made it perfeot. Alcohol is foreign to the body." Carpenter. "Milk for women, wine for men, brandy for heroes." Anon. "Aloohol is a mental machine ; it en ables ns fo translate foroo into timo. It js a time-Baving machine. "Medical Times. "Alcohol is destroying more souls than all the ministers in Great Britain aro instrumental in saving." Washing ton Chronicle. " Wine fills the hearts of men with kindly feeling toward each other, ren ders them sympathetic, makes them talkative, and induces them to confide their joys and sorrows to each other." Plutarch. "Men are much better acquainted with each other while drinking than at other times." Plato. " In vino vcritas there is truth in wine. It was tho saying of all anti quity that deep drinkers are great think ers, and that wine induces us to speak the truth." " Intemperance springs irom the de pravity of tho human heart, and can only be cured by having a new heart." Dr. Smith. "Alcoholism as a disease is dying ont. The question used to be between much aloohol and a little. The ques tion now is between very littl o and none at all." Lancet. "I have ponderod over it as others have done, aud I am inclined to plaoe tho desire for fermented liquors side by side with the desire for immortality, for both are nnknown to the brute creation, and I regard them as d inctive features of the masterpiece nf the last sublu uaty revolution." Savarin. What could more effectively appeal to one's pocket linen than to receive an invention to a masqnerado party on heavy mourning paper. A Pennsylva nia widow sent ont hers in this way bo fore the lato lamented had been inurned a week, NUMBER G. FACTS AND FANCIES. "Good Man Gone to Roost ' the headline in a western paper's -bit i ary. The steamer Economy struck .t.-g in Arkansas river and sunk. Tss, $3,000. Next to the sweetness of ha friend whom you can trust is th venioneo of possessing a friend wl "8 oon i will occasionally trust yon. Even with an octagonal wato-i, uu, less a man has a mouse-colored ': rati and a top bnggy, ho can only ski -mieh on the outskirts of good society. Siam is an ungallant cot '- There the first wife may be dive and after that every wife may Be for cash, or traded for a yellow doj According to tho report of Myers, of the signal service, there i greater quantity of rain fell at I ville. dnring last month, than at other point in the United States. When a Tennessee father wal i n- ' on to a newspaper office with a shot-o . his arm and says : " My darter has writ some poetry .which I want yon t pub lish," how's a feller going to ; lad press of matter ? Laborers in Japan have had wages raised to 71 cents a day. , such wages the laborer may take a dr. and a cigar once or twice a week, but he must dispense with such superfluities as bread and meat, Kate Field says of Isabella IL of Spam, that scion of the old Bourbon race, that "she is a great, stout, ungain ly female, who needs bnt a dozen chil dren aud a wash tuD'to be a counterfeit presentment of the typical Biddy." -What can a man think cf his wife's relations, who is so savage about his own as to write : " I don't like relations ; you are obliged to bo familiar with a man jubt because ho happens to be sou of the same father as your father." Senator Sumner has gone where proof readers are not known. His friends congratulate thoraHclvts that ho did not see the issue of the Cave Echo, which punctuated his last words, "Take care of my civil rights, Bill." Tho Scientific American prediots that the timo will soon como when ice will bo manufactured in all our great cities at a dollar a ton. Manufactured ice at threo dollars a ton has for somo time been in tho markets of New Or leans. Bury me in the gardon has been al tered to read : Ob ! bnry Bartholomew out in the vt oodu, la a beautiful hole in the ground, Where the bumble bees buZ2 aud woodpeckers eing. . And the straddle buns tumble areund ; Bo that, iu winter, when the snow and tho ulilnh Have covered up his lost little bed, His brother Artomus can go out with Jane, And visit the place with his sled. A Massachusetts man living at Sha ron, in that state, has just chopped his own head off by the aid of a guillotino ingeniously made and worked by his own hands. The ingenuity of the in dustrious New Englander is constantly placing his countrymen under lasting obligations to him. A writer in Scribner for April speaks of the mode of address adopted by the African. "Boss" is a general term, probably containing the oxide of civility; "mas'r" conveys a general idea of superiority. If the old man knows your face, and you are young, he calls you " captain ;'r if middle-aged, "major ;" if old, "general" or "judge." A Nebraska journal invitingly says: "Who says farmers cannot get rich in this state? Fifteen years ago a yonng man came to the state without a dollar in tho world. Last week ho went out of the state, carrying with him the sum of one hundred aud thirty-eight cents, the savings of fifteen years of frugal life. Come west, young man ; come west 1" A Corning (la.) youth paid his at tentions to two young ladies and propos ed marriage to both. They found out about it, invited him to the house of one of them and asked him to take a seat be tween them, which he did, sitting down in a tub of water over which a covering had been nicely spread. Then they po litely requosted him not to be in a hur ry to go, but he wem. During the progress of a trial in Judge May's court, in San Jose, one of the female witnesses was asked this question by ono of the attorneys : "Did the defendant call his wife my dear,' when he met her ? " This took the wit ness by surprise, bnt she answered him in a manner that showed she was honest and aincerein her belief. "Did he call her ' my dear ?' Of oourse not. How could he when she is his wife ?" A Greenfield farmer dropped into a drugstore Saturday, nnd after looking around fer a moment ordered a pint of linseed oil and two ounces of pepper mint essence put up together. The clerk filled the order, but being rather curious to know what was wanted of the mixture lie made bold to inquire. " Why, for ha'r ilo, of course," replied the fnrmcr; "the gals is invited to a party Tuesday night, and thoy want to ile np and smell nice." An old bachelor has been deterred from committing matrimony in the fol lowing way : Thinking over the subject, and partionlarlyjthe expenses of main taining a family, he set the table in his lonely abode with plates for himself ond an! imaginary wife and five children. He then sat down to dino.and as often as he hoi pod himself to food he put the same quantity on each of the other plates, and surveyed tho prospect, "at the same time computing the cost. He is still a bachelor. There is an old darkey in Maryland who lately voted for local option, aa he understood it, bnt not as the public generally understood it. Tho story (a truo one) runs thus : At a recent elec tion a friend asked tho old man how he was going to vote. "Oh," herep'ied. "the republican ticket, i always vote that ticket." "But how are you going to vote on local option?" The daikey, looking up, asked, "What's dat?" "Why, local option is putting down liquor," was the reply, "Lorsa mas sty I" said tho darkey, "of oourse I vote for local option ; I votes to put down liquor to the old price, fib-penny-bitu pint," McCLUNG C Tt I rr-f ir,!