Newspaper Page Text
THE DAILY PACIFIC COMMERCIAL ADVERTISER.
Wednesday, January It, I8F5.
A COMIC OPEKA PLOT.
Conn Piatt's Reminiscence of Per
sia's Shah, at London.
A PrlratA Ballet and What Came ol
It The Sbab's Sledlclue for In
abordlnate musicians Pleas
nrti of cue Son f tbe Son.
It i th9 policy ol the English govern
cesxt to fetch barbarian prince? to London
as 'tff cart Indians over , continent tc
Tftthitoa, that they may bo awed by the
power f the people that ha conquered
thast. While tha captured potentates are
la the da2e consequent cn strange sights and
ctrec" liquors, treaties are made highly ad
Taatageoo to tba civilized party, of the
first part, and damaging . to the untutored
party, of tha second part.
I ioubt whether, this policy is of. much
avail to the governments practicing It. As
we descend the scale of intelligence, we find
a corresponding ascent in cunning. In the
end, civUizl diplomacy finds itself out
witted In the most humiliating" way. The
lavages wined and dined escorted to and
Cro, iika "Brer Eabits tab-baby say
aothln, but they have their own views all
the same, and take in all the good things
with a pretty clear conclusion -as to the
purpose, that is not complimentary to the
father, big cLief, much fighters, big guns,
tray out no good then whip 'em all time,"
When General Manny penny, of Ohio, was
Indian commissioner he' had the sfange
fce'ief that Indians were human beings, and
ttoght to civilize them through cooking
atovea and kind treatment. Ha was de
ABAi4 fK tvFr1flW WlimaMe T-1 I nl n
made up of criminals escaping conviction
and convicts escaping punishment. They
Steal from the Indians to sell to the whites,
and from h whites to sell to the Indians.
tFhen they trade their medium of exchange
U bad whisky, that does not make a man
rank, it makes him insane. J -
. : X . remember .Mannypenny brought on a
delegation of Indians from the then iar West.
They wera guileless children of tbe plains.
Tba first tunnel they were plunged in on tha
" Daltimore anl Ohio railroad, they dre . theii
knives ind ottered tbe most fearfu. yells.
On emerging into daylight the women, on tha
train wara observed clasping with both
j fcanis their back hair' with an expression ol
i mingled ftar and resolution comical to con
' At Washington they were quartered In
a hoteL The day after the proprietoi
f that ornate indigestion remenstrated. He
told the commissioner that those Iniiam
were beasts, and never left their rooms save
for tha purpose of running down the cham
barmaid, and robbing them of their false
! hair, and otherwise abusing those foolish
The commissioner repaired to the hotel,
! and gave the heads of the nation, through
j their interpreter, a long, solemn discourse
-'ea the usages of civilized society at that
The next day the wards got drunk, and
threw the servants, male and female, from
;- tia front , windows. Fortunately, the awn.
tags below saved the poor creatures from
Csvttra hsrm. Rmwn in fViA -liVo
rallied his boarders, and drove the children
of tha plains to the street. The commissioner
gathered tbe delegation together, and quar
. tared them in boarding houses.
Tha Indians were at first delighted with
their quarters,' but soon ' learned, that a
Washington boarding house was a portion
cf that punishment awarded the wicked
thereafter. Mrs. Surratt was hanged by a
court xaartial-for keeping a Washington
'- bearding house. At least I never could find
on what else the poor woman was convicted,
Tha day came when these wards were to
take leava of their great father,, and depart
for their home upon the plains. They were
ail fid, and walked with difficulty into the
presence of tbe president. The usual
speeches were made, ind the Indians Lin
gereX It was evident they had more to say.
Tha interpreter shook his head at them. He
positively declined to say it. .At last a chief
slapped forward, pointing majestically to
the president,'- and then with scorn at the
"Big father, little father, be dam."
Then, with a deep grunt of satisfaction,
they all movad off.
f liennaneil a. t. Trl rr wVi an Itaf ItwixtPtatnv
) wav vvuv n aiwuwu " j-a wav luv u vi
brutal, vulgar barbarian, the 8hah of Per
f ia, was being ovated by designing EnglLh
politicians and their snobbish follower?, 1
id cot take much interest in the Persian
t jllow. The polygamous potentate of Pe-sia
was to all save England, that bad designs
m . - " '' ' - t j. - i
, da enov m provinces, a very ipivi pro
daction of far less interest to nie than Pri
Tate Dalzell, Eli Perkins, or Ward and
j Grant. I however beard some stories about
tha clubs that were somewhat amusing.
I learned that all the precious jewels with
.which bis royal person was covered were
false stones bought cf the house of bondage,
.ran by JUosea & Sons, pawnbrokers.
The most entertaining, however, was a
atory of Low His Royal Scorbutic Majesty
fJl in Nlov with the ballet of the opera.
He loved all the ballet, for the heart of your
Persian monarch is a sort of an omnibus,
an always has room for a few more. After
each perf ormaaco this son - of the sun and
trotter of the moon would paceto and fro
rubbing hia royal ban&j. and between Per
sian cries of delight call all his divinities to
witness, that he had never seen such ravish
fcsj forms the arc of manufacturing les
far public exhibition had not yet reached
Persia nor 'such rapturous jumping. He
est his prime minister, and barber, with a
preposition to the ballet. It was to add the
satire corps to his seraglio. The gay young
troupe treated the proposition with con
ttrapt. Why, each one had a little seraglio
cf her own, end, besides, they all were un
der contract with their manager, and there
wed t be the mischief to pay if that were
broken; for eab member believed, in her
terpelchorean heart, that she was the bright
particular star of the troupe, and anon jeal
kz conspiracies would give way and tht
beam out as a star.
One little girl, however, and the brightest
of all, lent a willing ear to the proposal.
Her real name was Susan Powers, but she
srrate it Susette VioJantL This little blonds
drove a contract with the tonsorlal ministex
ta the effect that his master was to deposit
3.000 in theBank of London to her account,
and added several stipulations such &s sug.
girt themselves to the common ballet mfad.
The preliminaries being complete, the ballet
dancer .was summoned to appear before the
Persian monarch, at the palatial residence
tidxuedbim by the British government,
trhcalt appeared that this honore guest
iris tfce land tpeetry and dreams wished
to be ertertained in bishours of retirement
by a dance.
"But, your Majesty," cried Sus&f.te, '"I
cannot dance without music."
"Music I" responded the royal animated
show-case of paste diamonds. "Music! of
course not, go at once and get some music."
The offlciou3 official ru3hed to the street
and captured an astonished hand-organ
"That i3 not mu3ic, your Majesty,"
laughed Susette, merrily, "that Is a dread
"Noise T asked the royal brother of the
moon and light of all Persia, "what's the
difference r -
Susette explained. She wanted certain
instruments, an orchestra, in a word, and
immediately some of his majesty's suite wera
detailed a.? such, and while the instruments
were being procured the possessor cf fifty
paste Koh-i-noors smoked and mused upon
the strange results of western civilization as
developed In lcg3 and motion.
When , tha instruments and Improvised
musicians were brought together, and the
order given to play, the noise was more hor
rible than the band organ. Little Susette
btuck her delicato fingers ii her delicate
ear3 and screamed. Tha bei" sd Shah was
more puzzled than before, and when told
that his subjects could not produce the re
quired music, he made a few remarks of a
personal nature in his native tongue that
caused even the swarthy faces of bis faith
ful followers to pale. He adjourned the
performance for a prila fight, gotten up for
his entertainment between a noted peer of
the realm and a noted prize-fighter. The
alarmed vizier consulted Susette.
"What can I doT' he cried in despair.
"Hia Majerty threatens to bow-string ut
"Send for our director," said Susette, "he'll
hammer the noise out of those fellows if you
pay bim enough."
The director wa3 sent for. All musical
directors have dirty nails, take snuff, and
are ill tempered. 1 Between pinches this po
tentate of the opera studied the situation.
"I can furnish His Majesty with a very
good orchestra of my own," he said.
, "But will they go to Persiar . .
"They will go to the devil If you pay
"And be bis subjects, liable to the bow
"Certainly, with a liberal allowance of
beer and tobacco."
'But Hi Majesty has given his order.
He does not permit his orders to be ques
tioned or changed."
The director took hnge pinches of snuff.
He could uot solve the difficulty.
"Musicians," he said, "are not made; they
are born. Adam, a man, was created in
one day; a first violin is the result of mauy
generations, His Majesty's orders are im
possible." "Perhaps so," replied the poor vizier; "that
is our system of government. The shah is
born to a right to try tbe impossible, we are
bom to suffer from the failure. You can
have your own price for the effort, and my
head if you faiL"
A compromise was agreed on. The director
was to furnish musicians of his own while
instructing the barbarians.
"Can I wallop them?" he asked.
That is something. It won't help on the
music, but It will relieve my feelings."
The music was procured and the sovereign
of Persia made happy in a little ballet of
his own. Tho orchestra to be gotten up
out of Persians, as the director prophesied,
did not prosper. By the time the Shah
reached Paris, the first and second violins
had disappeared. They were subsequently
arrested by the police of London, striving
to make a precarious living as musicians,
and sentenced to hard labor as nuisances.
The trombone committed suicide, while tha
bass viol and . clarionet were in a hopeless
state of idiocy. The drum alone remained
of a sound mind and sound execution. But
one can't have an orchestra out of a drum,
and so the attempt was abandoned. The
vegular orchestra performers, however, were
happy, content and quite willing to go to
Persia or the devil, as tue director nao saxa,
upon reasonable pay and unlimited tobacco
Susette grew in favor, and, without doubt,
Persia would have had an English queen but
for the unhappy fact that at Paris the Shah
succeeded in adding two French performers
to his troups.
In the first performance thereafter Susette
saw, or thought she saw, her eastern master
bestowing too much favor on the newcomers,
who really threw their shapely legs I b-g
pardon, limbs much higher than she, and
stung by jealous wrath the plucky little bu-
sette planted a succession of right and left
blows, and sundry kicks on the persons of
her rivals that were more vigorous than
graceful. The French .rallied and a general
engagement came off.
For awhile the shah labored under the
delusion tbyat this was part of the ballet.
and enjoyed it hugely, but when ne saw
that two-thirds of his troupe had black eyes
and bloody noses, while Susette's lovely
countenance resembled a colored railroad
map of England, the truth dawned on hia
eastern intellect that he was bein? treated
to a revolt of the harem, and calling in his
eunuchs he immediately ordered the bow
jitrinz for the entire troupe. It called out
the full force of European diplomacy to save
the politest capital of the civilized world the
scandal of such an execution. It put an end.
however, to the shah's private ballet.
What a shame that these writers of comic
onsra should cudgel their dull brains fcr
nlots when such a charminz story as this
exists in fact Dos.v Piatt.
Mac-o cheek, O., Sept. SO.
St. Matthew's Hall.
SCHOOL. ' O R BOYS.
LofBttd in the beautiful villas of San MatH,
on the Southrrn Pacific B. K.,21 miles from San
Francisco. Established iu is65. Fourteen in
btructors of reputation and ability. The buildings
are extensive, are beated by steam, and are in
every way arranged for the health and comfort of
the cadets. TriDity Session began July 24, and the
Easter Session will commence January 9, 18So.
For further information and catalogue, just out,
He v. ALFRED LEE BREWER. M. A.,
136 ja21 S5-wja27 '3 Principal
SECTIONAL MAP OF IIOXOIXI,V,
SUOWIXG BUILDINGS, WATER-PIPES,
Lamp-posts, Hydrants, etc., on a large scale
All parts drawn accurately I o Bcale.
Copies for sale by
M. I. MONSARRAT,
330 tlwtf "Oasptte" Brtfldlwr.
II W. Mcflesney & 8011,
42 Queen Street,
!,Hitdliir fit1 to Arrive
Per Mariposa k W. G. Irwin,
4onHistin? in Part f
Bbls. Flour, Golden Gate.
BbK Flour, El Dorado.
Ski. Pot .toes, Best iu Gunnies,
Sks."Oniou6, Best Silver Skin,
Sks."Corn, Best Whole,
ks. Com, Best Cracked,
.ks. Wheat, Best,
Sks. Barley, Best,
Ska. Bran, Coarse nnd Fine.
Sk-:. Bcaus, White,
Hks. Beans, lied,
Ska. Beans. Bazon,
" Sks. Beans, Horse,
SkH. Beans, Lima.
Gust s Meal, White Corn, 10 lb. bgs.
Cmkpk Meal, Oat, 10 lb. bags,
Ousts Wheat, Cracked, 10 lb. bags,
Cases Medium Bread,
Cases Ex. Soda Crackers,
Cases Tius Coffee, Boast & Ground,
Sks. Green Coffee,
Cases Spices, Aws'td, all sizes,
CLests Japan Tea, 1 lb. papers,
Chests Japan Tea, lb. papers.
Casks Whitaker's Star Hams,
Casks Standard Hitraa,
Crates Whitaker'B Star Bacon,
Crates Standard Bacon.
Cases Faiibank's Lard, 3 lb. pail,
Cases Fairbauk's Lard, 5 lb. pail,
Cases Fairbauk's Lard, 10 lb pail,
Cases Standard Lard, 5 lb. pail.
Cases Whitney's Butter, iu tins,
Half Bbl. Butter, Pickle Roll,
Qr. Bbl. Butter, Pickle Boll,
Half Firkins Butter, Gilt Edge,
Qr. Firkins Butter, Gilt Edgo.
Boxes Kaisins, Lot:dou Layers,
boxes Raisins, London Layers,
baxes Raisins, London Layers,
Boxes Raisins, Muscatel.
Mince Meat, pails, Atmores,
Mince Me.it, tins, Cuttings.
Cases Mixed Pickles,
Cases Horse Kudish,
Kegs Sonrtil Tigs' Fett,
. Kegs Spiced Limbs Tonguen,
Sacks English Walnuts,
Sacks Soft Shell Alxnouds,
Dales Wrapping Paper extra quality,
Sacks Texas Pecans, extra Iargl,
Dozens Brooms, "
Cases Fresh Eggs,
Chscs Laundry Starcli,
Sacks Kaw Peanuts.
These llod.i are Fresh; wew Bonsht
very low, and will be S11 at the
Lowest Market Bates !
Are invited to inspect our stock and
M. W. McChesney & Son,
42 qi ee:v stbeet. m-ait
Silver ! Silver ! Silver !
GREAT SILVER GIFT SALE!
Saturday ISTov. 29 th
CHAS. J. FISHEL'S.
15,000 Worth of
WILL BE GIVEN AWAY
Butter Knives, Butter Pishes, Castors, Etc., Etc.,
To every Cntmtir l'nrfliiuliijr worth f ds.
TOYS ! TOYS ! !
$2,500 WORTH OF TOYS
And Christmas Presents will be
Uon't buy Toys for
Corner Foit and
HOLIDAYS ! HOLIDAYS! HOLIDAYS!
Santa Clans ! Santa Clans ! Santa Claus !
Cliristmas Presents !
New Yean Gifts !
Every Day a Grand Opening Day.
, New Goods are Daily being Placed on our
Counters as soon as Room is Made.
'nw Arrived from Kiiffland, Tia Anstralia, ier 1. .f . H. ZenlMndla,
f November .33rd.
Terra Cotta Figures, Biaqu Figures, Ala
baster Figures, Motto Cups and Saucer,
Fine Moustache Cups, China Vaaep,
Bohemian Vases, China and
Bisque Ornaments, IioHe
Bags, Work Boxes,
Scrap Albums, Dress
ing Cases, a Fine Line,
Ladies' Fans, Velvet Frames,
elegant finish) , a splendid assort
ment of Ladies' aud Gents' Purses,
Toilet Sets, Carvers, Bread Knives, Scissors.
Cups, Saucer3, Dishes, Bowls, Plates, Jugs, Ewers and Basins, Tea Pots,
Coffee Pots, Parian Figures, Flower Stands, Bouquet Holders,
Billiard Chalk, Fancy China Ware, Granite Ware,
ETC., ETC., ETC, ETC., ETC., ETC., ETE., ETC., ETC.
CF'Recollect we throw out no leaders. Every article speaks for itelf,
and we eell as low as the lowest, and you will find always perhaps lower.
K ICjST jSTKID Y & CO.,
Importers end Wholesale Dealers in House Furnishing Goorfs, Fancy
Articles, Notions, Novelties, Specialties, Etc.
P. O. BOX 8S0. HOXOLnr.
DURING THIS SALE.
given away during this Sale toever.y
$1 worth or more.
rbrltius, but enll at
Christmas Presents !
New Yean Gifts !
Pocket Kuives, Tea, Call and Dinner Bells,
Fine Ink Stands, Acoordeous the le? t
manufactured, Bell Rattle, Rubber
Dolls, Mouth Organs, Trumpets,
Elegant Dressed Dolls.
Boxes, Cases and
Rac5-'. Cabiuet Albums,
Lustres, Glass Sets, Crockery
Ware, Toilet Soap, Pianos. Shell
Work, Dinner Sets, Color Boxes, Table
Mats. Tea Sets, China, Tin, Metal.
ME EC HAST
Ila Just Ilf nrned from Enrojx?
WITH A LARGE STOCK OF
New Goods and Materials
Of the Latest Styles and Patterns,
VVhlcli h is Prepared to Make up In tbe
.VXD FOR THE
LOWEST PRICES POSSIBLE.
GEE AT EEDUCTION
I N 1 IMC !K S OF
BOOTS &d SHOES
Large ami Varied Aortment
"Small Profits and Quick Returns"
I S MY
BOOTS AND SHOES
GENTS' MINWG PUMPS
Of .A.11 Inscriptions,
it Prices which
F R .a. 1ST K
ROYAL HAWAIIAN" HOTEL.
The Royal Hawaiian Hotel is one of the leading architectural
structures of Honolulu. The grounds upon which it stands comprise
an entire square of about four acres, fronting on Hotel Street. This
large area affords ample room for a lawn and beautiful walks, which
are laid out most artistically with floworing plants and tropical trees
There arc twelve pretty cottages within this charming enclosure, all
under the Hotel management. The Hotel and cottages afford accom
modationM for 2'' quests. The basement of the Hotel contains the
tin est billiard hall in the city; also, a first-class bar, well stocked with
fine wines at:d liquors.
The main entrance is on the second floor, to tho right i which ar
the elegantly furnished parlors. A broad passage-way leads from the
main hall to the 'lining-room. These apartments open on to broad
verandas, where a magnificent view of the Xuuanu Mountains may be
seen through the wealth of tropical foliage that surrounds the
The fare dispensed is the best the market affords, and is .lirst-class
in all respects. Hotel and cottages are supplied with puro water, from
an artesian well on the premises. The Clerk's office is furnished with
the Telephone, by which communication is had with tho leading busi
ness firms of the city.
EVERY EFFORT HAS BEEN MADE
And Money Lavishly Expended under the Present Able
Management to make tills establishment the
MODEL FAMILY HOTEL."
MOST JXTSTTY MERITS.
Jut Receive! ex. Mrlpot.',
y:.a eiet y
and Sizes of
BOOTS & SHOES
G- E R T Z
Honolulu, H. I.
it Enjoys and