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PACIFIC COMMERCIAL ADVERTISE!, AUGUST 13, 1887.
llrrouciloil ! Hie !oy.t. Khe to school hii1 llon-js to ar educational family of pi oniiuem e, who Lav lately moved from San FnuiHso.) I'm-otT'iria fonvef.icniT, so hhe lias had to po to a nw school. The first day she found that, c on trary to her exierien'e, lxvs and irls wwt together in this srhool. That ofTt?nl.-l h'r, and when she wnt honie sho complainf!. 'Mamma, that's not a chxI school. I don' think I'll like to go there.' '-Why?'' ' Th'M are boys and girl-; all together there. It isn'l pleasant." "Well, my dear. try it n little, any wav." The next Hfiy sho rmiic home ii letter humor. '"Io von like t ho now s;ho'i ' Hiiybetfr?" "Oh, yes, mother. The ttachet has put the loveliest little I my next to me. HeV a lovely little ly. I think I shall like the school." The third da v she came honif i?: the wildest of spirits. l-aming all over: "Oh I mamma! I know all the lioys in the s-tfo i now'." This is one of t.bot stories that goo j mothers like to read, so I am told, and I've ' uo reason to doubt it. San Francisco Chron- ! icle. j Ouite ool Knougli. I 1 mm IS Zi, it oypv Landlady Can you tell me what u good for bedbugs? Fogg Seems to me that fat boarder ought to satisfy 'em. Detroit Free Tress. Ahead of ,Sun Time. They were sitting on dry goods Ikhi-s in a down town grocery house, expectorating over the hot stove. "Don't you know," said an Englishman, "when I landed in New York I thought it the d dest country I had ever seen ! They were firing cannon, making xjeches and reading the declaration of independence, ns though the city were in a revolutionary siege. I came through Buffalo, Toledo, Cincinnati to St. Louis, and just as I had begun to think that all this was an everyday divei-sion 1 overheard some politicians speaking of the glorious Fourth of Jul'!'' . No one said airything for a long, long tune. Finally one of the crowd got up, buttoned his overcoat and said: "That's a good story n durn good story but don't you think 3011 traveled that day a leetle faster than the fast mail?" Detroit Free Press. lie Drank Like a l'inh. (rams torti.strunt.s. JOIIX PHILLIPS, Practical Plmnlier, Gafittor (J o ppors m i tli , 71 King Street, Honolulu, H. I. hoi m: a.m simi Jon vvuk riiuMi-i i.v attkniki to. !,tth Tul.s, S';tor liscts, Wash liuwln, I'liuuti tn linols of all ki tuls always on L.unl. 7H5 jiini-lMf oEDixrs iu m; kve express n. .. isimh:i:s, ntop.. rliver la(?t"lKe and 1' rt-ijjht of Kvery Pesrriji- tlon with PromrtnesB aud lisiatcu. Office, SI Kinur Street. ISoili Tele plioneo. Mti. Resldeme, 11 iiiiiuiu Street. Bell Telejloiio for (evidence, TotV-june lotf The Equitable Life Assurance Society OF THE UNITKD STATES. Death claim'; paid in IW 1U0 per rent Assets, January 1, 1 f.o,aiO,-li 7 . Liabilities, 1 percent oa-ii 5y,151.oi7 00 Surplus, 4 percent Ui-i- $l'.355,s5 76 The surplus based on the conservative assumption tiiat only 4 per cent interest will Ije realized on investments. A--uming that Ay2 per cent will be real ized, it amounts to 1,405, 175 70". &-'lhe. SUUl'LO, on every basis of valuation. IS LA IK i Ell THAN THAT OF ANY OTHER COMPANY IN THE WOULD. New as.-urance in IN'. $111, 5 40,203 Vi Larger thau that of any other company. Outstanding assurance 411,779,003 00 Larger ttiin that of any other company. I'aid policy holders in Hsi;.. 8,:-l3'J,M.i7 iMt l'aid policy holders since or ganization !j,547,783 53 Total income 19,X73,733 19 ireininin income . 10,272,154 02 Larger than tliat of any other company. IMPROVEMENT IU'RINii THE YEAR. Incrraseof prein. iticoiuo 82,810,475 4n Ir.vr"aseof siirjil'.is, 4 ptrcent hasis. 2,4S'',6C Increase of asseis S,J57,085 20 Policies issued 011 all the plaas, with all the guarantees ar.d concessions, l or full particu lars apply to ALEX. J. CART WRIGHT, CM'- mavl2 'fts No. K Kaahuruauu street. FOR RENT, LEASEs SALE rilHF. WAIKIKl 11 EVIDENCE OF MR. ERE I) II. .m.. Hayselden, situated at Kapiolaai Park, be tween tlie resideiices of Hon. W. O. Irwin and Mr. Frank lirown, is offered lor rent, lease or sale. 'Also the premises adjoining the Hawaiian Opera House, Palace rViuare. For te.ms applv to the undersigned. FKE1) H. HAVSELDEN. 7(V2:iu;l tf V"r II I II si Ii 1 1 M 1 1 i 1 i 2 sa Aj issa x cla frrTifl VEI-: CJIIXJ& SAIU LAM, 1 Of the o-pattnershi j' of I WO SING & CO.! lintel Mrcet, Crnor 1111n1111. Importers of uent M':l Terrible Infant Mr. Do Smith, won't yon drink some water? Mr. De S. Thank you, my boy; but I'm not dry. T. I. Ob, do drink .some. Mr. Do S. Bnt why are yon so anxious? T. I. 'Cause mamma says you drink like a fi-sh, and I want to sec Low 3 tnt do it. Please show me. Old Joke. Silks and JSilk Hamlkcr ch ids, Mattinsrs, Tons, Eli'., ETC., ETC. Modern Newspaper Herniation. Omaha Editor Your spring roems have not been printed, sir, because you did not comply with our regulations. Spring Poet May I ask where I failed! "Certainly. The poems were signed with an assumed name. Contributors of spring poetry are required to inclose their real name and address, birth record, baptismal date, police court history, marriage certificate and divorce proceedings, if any, together with a full and frank confession of all the evil they ever did in their lives." "My gracious! Do 3-011 need all of that as a guarantee of good faith?" "No; we want it for publication." YEE CI-HjST, Manager for "VVo Pinj; A: Co. 77srpi8 PACIFIC Commercial Advertiser The Bllgbt of Landlordism. "Eeginal" wants to know what isthe' bligbl of landlordism," of which he reads so much. Well, we asked our landlord about It and Le said it was paying a plumber, a carpen ter, a painter and a plasterer $S0O a year to keep a CC00 house in repair and then fcive the tenant take out the door bell, chan deliers and range and skip with a!out three months' rent unpaid. lie soys there are some other blights in the landlord business, which any one ma 3' readily fmd out by building a few houses to rent. Burdette. None in tlie Apples. He had bought a smr.ll box o? 13 gs from a fruit and peanut vender 011 Woodward ave nue, when his eye was arrested by tLe sight of soino apples, and he aked: "Aie they nice?" "Werrv nka," "All so'und?'' "YeV ''Sure there are no worms in the'n?"' "Oh, werry, werry sun. All the worms go into de boxy of tigs." Detroit Free Press. Simple as A n C. Omaha Wif ? Before we were married 3 0U never thought of business matters in the evening: there was not a night that j'ou didn't call to see me. Young Husband I remember, dear. "Oh! You do? Well, please explain why it is that you now ruh off to 3-our oiliee the moment 3'ou have your supper and don't gt back until midnight f "I have two to support now, my dear." Omaha Her ald. She'a a Terror at Progressive Furlire. Mrs. De Hobsou What a lovely prayer Look, Mrs. Hendricks! Is it a present from your husband? Mrs. Hendricks Xo; I won it at the pro gressive euchre party at Deacon Smith's last wek ! Puck. A Fish in a Flower H?1. In a garden at Caledonia, N. Y., a bed of flowers has been laid out, twenty-two feet long, to represent a huge trout. The Kills, fins and eyes are represented 03- dif ferent colored flowers. Chicago Times. The rooms that John Brown occupied at Windsor Castle have been kept strickly cl-ed since the death of that faithful ser vant. Philadelphia Call. -5TJ-JA.M BOOK AN I) JOB PRINTING OFFICE Is prepMfPd to do all klndH i f Commercial & Lea1 Work Having just Received a Complete and Nevt swortruent of 'oli Types and Ornaments h Litet Stvlee. from the moot Cele raw-d Foundries of tne United State, and employing only Experienced aD lasty Wurktu, we are prepared to turn ou: lt,r Hemis. I. ill i:oals Circular. stHten-en Im, Mill ol ltllM, t on !r,. Lenses, Snipping 'i: t rnrtM, 1 1 11 HfV8iiiiii A Kv-K'Ith) t'aloiKlHr, ISIaitU lickH. Siitck ( erliticm s l!ntiuri t'apln. i;-ai riieeUs. Tli Ik Tickets. 1:1111k Cheek l5rler-. Reeelpt , Irriai;' (Vrtlttc.-ite. 'HtHlj;iieN, Motlinr Ih!m And in fart everytliiHg winch irlce ran dj. a first-class S EXTRA. DRY rv K ARK NOW PLACING OX THE 1S79 .'ind 1SS( which for dryness and bouquet are unsurpassed, and are pleased to in form you that our elVorts in producing a Champagne competing with the Lest Foreign Wines, have been appreciated, dispelling, in a groat measure, the pre judice against purenatiw wines. The ECLIPSE will not only be found in eveiy city in the Union, but has also found a market in the Republic of Mexico and on the Continent of Europe, where it is much appreciated by connoisseurs for its purity, lightness of alcoholic strength and exquisite bouquet and flavor. WE GUARANTEE OUR As absolutely pure, and they are par excellence the SPARKLING JVlCE OF THE GRAPE. They are produced precisely as the high-grade French Champagnes, by fermentation in the bottle, REQUIR ING TWO YEARS' CURE AND RACKING TO PERFECT, but differing from their foreign com petitors in being neither strengthened with spirit nor flavored in any manner. We claim, and can sub stantiate our claim, that our Champagnes are the purest Sparkling Wines in the world, and quote from the report to a comparative analysis made by the U. S. Department of Agriculture : "Of 200 samples of wines analyzed, nothing has been found on this continent equal to the ECLIPSE. Containing only the normal percentage of alcoholic strength in dry wines 104 per cent., and only G.51 of Saccharine, and no fictitious flavorings." As a stimulant the ECLIPSE bears the highest recommendation of the leading faculty of the United States, and wherever exhibited for competition with any other Champagnes, either foreign or native, its merits are attested by the highest awards. We caution you against the impositions of parties East and on the Coast, who are foisting on the mar ket a "gas" or charged wine, under the name of California Champagne. Remember, none are genu ine except those bearing our name and brand, on both cork and label, and which are sold with the guarantee of absolute purity. HONOLULU, May 7, 1S87. HAMILTON JOHNSON, Honolulu: Dear Sir I have viade a chemical examination of the sample of Haraszthy "Eclipse" Champagne taken by me from your store, and find that this wine contains no adulteration whatever, the acid present being the nat ural acid of the grape, while the ''bouquet" and gas present ore such as would result from the natural fer mentation of the wines. Yours very truly, GEO. W. SMITH, Of Behson, Smith & Co., Druggist. WE ALSO CARRY A FULL STOCK OF I WIN CONSISTING OF Table and Zinfandel Clarets, Hocks, Riesling, Gutedel, Gerlie, Burgundies, Ports, Sherries, Madeira, Mus catel, Angelicas and Pure Grape Brandies. ARPAD HARASZTHY & CO. PRODUCERS, SAN FRANCISCO. Sole Agent Hawaiian Islands. WINE VAULTS, 88 FORT STREET. r5 Tl T r STr r. . i l , X WJssZ if5. SAK JOSE. CAL, U. S. A.' California 3?roclnction. -:o:- W. C. PEACOCK & CO., 3 Nimanu street - - - l-Ioiiolnli H". I. Sole Ageuts iu the lluwuuau lslmu1 for J. J. MELCHKK'S " KLKPIIANT" (JIN, J. J. I'ELLISSOVS pure, uncoloml, un.swct tfned OLD P.KAM'IKS, C'OATES CO.'S "l'LYMOl'TI I" UIN. 1IY. W. SMITH CO.'S TH IST1.I 1 J .W " WHISKEY TJIK FKEIM:iif(!KSU;JHi IMiKWIN; CO. Of S:ui Jos.', C'al. tpii: ei os. sci ii;. i tz iiMAvi jci c:o. Of Milwaukee. 31ESSUS. B. I)EVITiS & CO.'S V otfer for sale ut the lowest market rates, a full Murk of the most favorite brands of Ales, Wines, Sj)irits, Liqueui's, Etc., Etc. Telephone . l. I". 4. iUtx 501. WIT 111 11 PAC1FR J HAKDWAJK.E CO., lAi, iJ 1! MM- I 1ST "VV G O O JD S Just veceiv'l. con com) LAMP ATTACHMENT A Kerosene Oil Stove Whii h can 1" used jii a ruininon Iami lui tier. NEW t very low jti'u es. Jitrsl Improved Iurneis A line lirie f G .A. S S AV A. I i Entirely new ty this market. fXyVall and examine our novelties. ti(j ir r n i Tinn at j o novn iu. v. JictiiLo cc Mms. 12 and U QiitM'ii SL, Honolulu. 13 Clay Stirot, SAN EKANCISCO, CAE. Importers and Wholesale Grocers, r.A I L'l.I. LINK OK STAPJiK ANJ) FAN(-V (0CKJlIIiS, COFFEES, TEAS AND SPICES. Plantation Stnros, Salmon, Eeef, Pork, Flour. Peans, livead, etc. Fresh arrivals by every steamer and sailing vessel. Sj eiial inducen eiits. otieied to Portuguese Traders, in a variety of Fresh Ooods especially suited to their wants. HioHF.sr esn icier, i aid kk Dry and Green Hides and Goat Skins LARGEST ASSORTED STOCK OF GROCERIES ON THE ISLAND. r and GKRAIN . 1J kiiiI II tnii Mr , Honolulu. J O H TsT TT O "1" T , T"J; '-si.-, TJ -' ; J - ' .5 r y " . '3 v.-v.-:,- -.21.. - J'-.i . . Stoves, nances and Housekeeping f. (I S Plumbing, Tin, Copper and Xlieet Iroi! AVork f-