PACIFIC COMMERCIAL ADVERTISER, SEPTEMBER 12, 1887.
THE ,fFir BUSINESS.
An Explanation. 3x"
HOW DUBLIN PETE" GETS A LIVING
FROM THE SYMPATHETIC.
PACIFIC HABDWABE CO., L'd,
NEW OOODS! NEW GOODS!
"What are you doing up there?"
"If NotLinjI Only hanging up per.rs that
have fallen down. Fiiogcnde BleUer.
Gen. Grant mid tlie Interv'ewer.
Geu. Grant had a cirong aversion to being1
interviewed, in the newspaper sense of the
word. An incident occurred in Syracuse
du;i:iff tlio presidential campaign of 1CC0
vrbicli first revealed to the writer the genial
side of Grant's nature. Tin ex-'resident and
Senator Conkling wen .inst hrin.ing to a
do thtir famous seri 's of campaign meet
ings for G '.rlie!d and Arthur. A correspond
ent who hs.d acv,:npaui.'d them on their tour
through th.s stuto ventured to able 11 r.
Conkliug in Geu. Grunt's presence for hU
opinion as to Garfield's chances of carrying
Now York. "With aggravating sarcasm Mr.
Conkling begged to be excused f : orn "making
guesses fcr the delectation of the general
public." Oen. Grant looked at Mr. Coukliug
steadily for a few seconds and then re
marked to tho correspondent in a half apolo
getic tone, "The senator d63 not seem to have
his guessing cap on this morning. I, Low
aver, do not object to hazarding a guess or
two on the result of thid campaign. I guess
that this state will go for Garfield and Ar
thur by a good handsome majority. And
(with a mischievous side glance at Conkling)
you may also say that I guess that Senator
Conkling guesses so to." New York Times.
A Case of Short Haul.
A seedy looking man got aboard a Chicago
and Northwestern train at Racine the other
day. The train was about two miles out of
Racine when the conductor came up and
asked him for his ticket.
uAin't got any, but I'm a railroad man ray
self." "Where do you want to go toP
aTVell," said the good natured conductor,
reaching for the bell rope, "I'll do the best I
can for you."
"Thanks, thanks. We railroad men should
"Yes. We have a heavy train to-day, and
this is a down grade along here. I think the
train will run about 1,500 feet before it comes
to a stop. I'll carry you that far with
A minute or two later the seedy looking
man was jumping oil hi to the snow."
"You're very kind," he said, "to carry me
even this far. But seein's we're both rail
road men, you know, couldn't you change
your mind and take me further?"
"Sorry I can't oblige you," replied the con
ductor, waving a "go ahead" signal to the
engineer, "but the fact is, that we have to be
very particular since congress has got to
passing lawn governing railroads. Under the
law the most I can do for you is to give you
a short haul Good day."
And the train puffed on in the direction of
Chicago. Chicago Herald.
The Application of the Kule.
Some time since the wife of a prominent
citizen of New York city was trying to instill
in tho mind of her 5-year-old son what it
meant to be generous, thus:
"Now, Willie, dear, suppose mamma should
give you a cake and tell you to give part of
it to Harry, and when jtou divided it one
piece was larger than the other; if you gave
it to him that would be generons, but if you
kept it for yourself that would be selfish. Do
you understand it?"
The little fellow thought he did.
The next afternoon, wishing to test the ef
fect of her teaching, she gave Willie a large,
juicy orange, saying:
"Now, Willie, take this orange and divide
it generously with Harry."
When, to her surprise, the child (who was
passionately fond of oranges) gave it back to
her, saying, with a roguish twinkle in his
bonny blue eye:
"Here, mamma! won't you please give it to
Harry and tell him to divide it generously
with me." Judge.
He Loolced the Part Wall.
Young Man (to western young lady) Yaas,
Vbx a member of the Ilaro and Hounds p.'u'j,
yTcnow. At last, meet I was one of tho
Western Young Lady What do you mean
by bare, Ur. Sissy!
YoUTig llau Thy are called rabbits in
this country, I believe.
Wobtera young Lady Ob, yes, thvo "tveet
little animals with such long ears. Hew
nico' Harper's Bazar.
Strength, Perhaps, but No Inclination.
The old bachelor should remember ..Iriv is
ono thiiJg ho cannot do a lone; he caunot hiss
himself. Wit and Humor. Wc do.i'L k::ow
so well about that. Tho man must bo.b idly
broken down phyeially who hadn't strength
enough left to smock his own lips. ilemphis
A Want of Politeness.
Sarah Jane Well, Aunt Crusor, did you
iiav a nice time at tho BowlersT'
Aunt Cruzer Nice timo! Well, it's the
last time I sot foot in th it house. Why, when
I come to go, they didn't even say, what's
me hurry. Harper's Bazar.
At the Grand Central Depot.
Driver Hansom 1
Statue of Liberty Visitor (from Elmira)
WaaL I dunno If yer'd taka a little 'r that
air paint oP 'yer bugle yer might pass in a
craowd. Tid Bits.
By All Meai.
Ring out, wild bells, the chestnut crew.
The feeble quip, the ancient pun,
The jokes well known to er'ry one.
IUnjr out the old! Ring in the new.
An Epileptlo Fit at a Minute's Notice,
Taking: Up a Collection from a Tendet
Hearted Crowd The Business Growing
"Do you see that fellow standing over there
reading said a bartender in a down town
saloon t he other night. The man alluded to wa?
standing with his back against the wall with
the paptT so held up as to screen his face from
view. He was of ordinary size, with nothing
about hioi to attract attention.
".hat man has the most peculiar and novel
way of making a living of any other man in
the United States. Hi? name, as near as any
body has ever been able to learn, is 'Pete.1
People thrit are familiar with hitn have
dubbed him 'Dublin Pete.' That's the town
in Ireland he hails from. He makes a good
living by having fits."
"Yes, sir, having fits. I don't wonder you
are surprised, but it is nevertheless a fact.
That lhan can take a fit so naturally at a
minute's notice that no doctor intheci y of
New York would ever doubt but that it was
a real epileptic fie."
"Ob, it is not u real fit, thenf
"Certainly not. It only looks like one; but
it's a daisy."
"How does he make it pay?"
"Well, he can tell you that better than I
could possibly explain it to you. Hey, Petel"
The newspaper whi h the man hud been
reading was dropjed from before his face. It
certainly was a tough looking countenance.
His head sunk down between his shoulder
bludt'S, like the head "f a vulture, nnd was
bent forward in the same way. His under
jaw was longer than the upper one. mid gave
"in the npp craoce oi' a buiidog with under
teth showjii". His little black eyes were
over.diadoj.ved by a buliri"g- foreheal, and
op ji kieu -jf a. snake. To make his
face mill more hideous, his unper jaw was
totally devu.d of teeth. Whenever he smiled
Lii meww. ioo'.ic i as thou-u ii ".vuh filled with
'D'you twitter tor me, ally?" asked Pete,
as he bent his head still further forward,
stuc k tho upturned c'garette he was smoking
in the corner of his mouth," and moved his
head from side to si'de, in the Bowery
"Yes, come here and let me introduce you
to a friend of mine. He wants to talk with
"Dublin Pete" laid the newspaper on a
chair, and sw3fcrered over'like an old Csoiith
iSea whaler. There was a broad grin on uia
face. Shrewd wrinklts shot from tho cornel's
of his eyes like the rays of a setting sun, and
his mouth assumed the shape of the moon in
its first quarter, the corners trying to see how
near they could come to each eye. The
cigarette adhered to (he corner of his upper
lip and worked up and down at every motion
of his head.
"Proud ter know yer, young feller."
"How much did you make to-day, Pete?"
asked tho bartender. -
"Well, ter tell yer de trute, Billy, I never
fought ter count up. I 'spose I raked in
'bout four ds. Less see, answered the man
who has epileptic fits for a living, as he
screwed one side of his face into a hideous
distortion and scratched the other side with
his index finger, as if trying to call something
into recollection. "When I come to on de
Jersey ferryboat de guys tuk up a c'lection
fer me of one d and fifty c. Den wen I
dropped on de iloor of de Annex I scooped er
raser. Dat bloke on Whitehall street gim
me feed an' twenty-five c. Yes, dat's about
wat went inter me kick since inarnin. Ah,
de business is gettin' dull 1 Folks is drpppin'
outer me game."
Pete looked as though thoroughly dis
couraged at the dullness of trade.
"How did you make the money?" he was
'How does I make it, hey?" and " Dublin
Pete" winked at the bartender, gave a little
chuckle, and said "Fits. Yes, .sir, I'm de
head of de prof e sh in de fit business. How do
I do it? Well, I jes' gets onto a ferry
boat where dere's a gang uv women, an'
when everything's quiet like an' be boat's in
de middle of de river I makes out like I'm
goin' out on de front end of de boat, and
when I gits in tho middle of de floor I drops
down in a fit. Whisky's brought an' poured
down me troat, an when I comes to I alius
tells dem it's cause I ain't eat nawthin' all
day. Den dey takes up a c'lection fer me.
Now you've got de whole racket."
"Are there any other men who earn money
by having fits?"
"Is dey? Well, I should snicker. Dere's
six cr dem in dis city; but none er dem's got
de snap down fine but me. I'm de boss on
fits. All er dem uses soap fer ter make de
foam come in der mouth. I don't. I makes
de genewine foam. No soap suds in mine.
Pete turned his back to the bar, put his
thumbs in his suspenders and assumed an air
"Don't you ever get spotted by people who
may have seen you lefore?"
"Well, I should giggle."
He didn't giggle though, but edified the re
porter with one of his red flannel smiles.
Pete then related in his rough vernacular
an experience he had in going down one
day to Coney Island on board an excursion
boat. He began to sing, but finding no
money in his voiee he fell to the deck in a fit.
The steward, who had evidently seen him be
fore, administered a tumblerf ul of salt water
und mustard, width mutlo him succumb.
"Wait a minute," said the bartender, as the
journalist was aboul taking his leave, "and
i'il heU tho door and a-li Pete to show you
how he has fits."
Accordingly the door was locked aud Pete
swaggered to the center of the room, remark
ing: 'I'll give it to you mild, so holler when
you've got a dose."
JSeniveiy -bad ho concluded whsn his form
bir;:u;e l iu id except his head, whuh turned
from si.io to hide, his eyvbaJis robing unlii at
Ji;:-s only thj whites wero visible. Suddenly,
with an uueanuiy. Vvli, he feil to tho floor,
an 1 wu-t api'tut'i..; to his head struck with
a crash. lie lacked aud gapped ana wriggled
in a pitiful manner, actually flowing at the
mouth. After a cry of "Enough T'luom the
reporter, he slowly opened his eyes and looked
around in a dazed .vaj, spoke a few words at
random apijurentiy and .said:
"How's dat? Ain't it a daisy?"
The reporter admitted it.
"But didn't you hurt your head?"
"Ah, dut wusn't me head dat wus me
"When did you first begin the fit business?"
"I learned do whole biziu the protec., where
I was jugged when I w us a kid. Tunes ia
Eitiiu' played out 'round here. I'm goin' ter
'Frisco nex' mouth, where depeop. ain't never
heard of de fake. But it's time ter me ter go
up in front of de t'eatro au? have a fit.
And the professional fit taker swaggered
out of a side door. Xew York Evening Sun.
P. P. C. cards are the only one3 it is uni
versally considered permissible to send by
B. P. EHLEES & CO.
99 Fort Strdet,
Have just opened a new consignment of
N"EW and SEASONABLE GOODS,
lDC7Inspection Invited. -JfW
If you want a fine CIGAR, try some
HOLLISTEE & CO.S,
1. K. Alclntvro fc 13ro.
IMPORTERS AND DEALKHH IN
iroceries? Provisions and. Feed
EAST CORNER FORT AND KING STREETS.
New Ooorta received by evry pac&et from the Eastern States and Europe, resh Callforni
Produce by every creamer. All order faithfully attended to, and CJooda delivered to any part of th
:Ity free of charge. Island orders solicited. Satisfaction guaranteed. Postofflce Box No. 14.'
Hephone No. 2 - 6apl7
1876. GEO. W.
75 and 77 Kinp- Street, - - - - Honolulu
Bell Telephone No. 273.
WINS & SPIRIT MERCHANT
- mm v
Sole Agent of the
Hawaiian Islands for
J. ttoliclaiut 25rewimj (Jo.,
X v . EM t X'X.
S. LACHMAN & COS CALIFORNIA WINES.
A. FENXHAUSE2? & CO., WHISKIES, &c, S
Delmonieo and Veuve Cliquot Champagnes.
W. C. PEACOCK & CO.
Wholesale Wine and' Spirit Merchants,
2 JflT'ASr STREET, HON OLIJI.I7, H. I.
Have just received ex CERASTES. HERCULES and other late arrivals direct from Europe,
Gr. H. Mumm's "Extra Dry" Champagne,
do do "Dry Verzenay" Champagne.
In large clear crystal bottles, 5 gallons per caie.
CASES J. D. K. & Z. GIN
Each 20 bottle.
J. J. Pellisson's
And a full assortment of
P O. BOX 502.
LEWIS & CJO.,
Ill Fort StreeU-Importers and Dealers In
Staple and. Fancy Groceries,
By every steamer from California, and always on hand, a full and complete lino of
Provisions, Etc. Etc.
61 Satisfaction guaranteed. Telephone No. 240. P. O. Box No 397.
of Straiton & Storm's, which have jus
Bf atnal Telephone 9fo. 65.
CAMPBELL'S FIRE-PROOF BLOCK,
Merchant Street, Honolulu.
Finest anil Best Assorted Stock
IN THE MARKET.
Respectfully solicits patron
age and guarantees com
ete satisfactioa to all.
4 4 5 gallons.
10 - year - old Brandy
the most favorite brands of
) fv Sv Pi
"Which are offered for sale at lowest rates.
784auRlltf TELFPTI0XE8 No. 48.
TT) i T1 TA1S
t- - - i' v
-N ' :- . y
M. W. MeCHESNEY & SONS,
42 and U Queen St-
Importers and Wholesale Grocers.
A FULL LINE OF
STAPLE AND FANCY GROCERIES,
COFFEES, TEAS JJSJD SPICES.
Plantation Stores, Salmon, Beef, Pork, Flour. Beans,
Fresh arrivals by every eteamer and Failing veeeel. Fpecial inducements offered
to Portuguese Traders, in a variety of Fresh G'oods especially
suited to their wants.
Dry and Green Hides and Goat Slrins
LARGEST ASSORTED STOCK OF GROCERIES ON THE ISLAND.
42 uuil 44 Queen
tJ O THE N"
Stoves, Ranges and
Plumbing, Tin, Copper
1887. Fourth Year of Publication. 1887.
ALMANAC AND DIBECTORY !
For tho Year of Our Lord 1887, Containing an
Astronomical, Civil & Ecclesiastic'l Calend'r
FOR THE TEAR AN -
Official and Business Directory of Honolulu
Full Statistical and General Intormation
RELATING TO THE HAWN ISLANDS,
Great pains and expense have been gone to by the Publishers to
make this Almanac and Directory the most useful and comprehen
sive work of the kind ever published in the Hawaiian Kingdom It
will be found invaluable to men of business, travelers and turiss
and is guaranteed a wide circulation at Home and in Foreign Coun
tries. Its Court and Official Calendar carefully corrected to tho latest
Articles of special value to the Islands hnve oeen prepared by ox
pert writers, which are. well calculated to beget great interest in
their condition aai prospect abroad.
Send in your orders for copies early.
A Kerosene Oil Stove
Which can be used on :i common lamp-burner.
NEW LAMP GOODS
At very low prices.
Latest Improved Burners.
A fine line of
Entirely new to this market.
25TTall and examine our novelties.
43 Clay Street,
SAN FKANCISCO, CAL.
PRICE PAID FOR
1ST O TT,
and Sheet Iron VorJ;
wilMfm: .:Vl-: i!';4 U
4- 9 I
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