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s I1 i lit If v ; ? ' It if f-5 5 i .. 1 hit i ; - ill. Vi f ; i m ? ? s if l ft ' Iff- ' T." " S . i . fO 5?; -v 'IIS i' i V 4 a- -i ft 5 :;.-V:'v:';":-'; : ;-": unable to walk for years, was conveyed to a revival meeting one night recently, and dur ing prayer she suddenly arose, gave an ear piercing shout, climbed over three pews, gained the aisle and made a dash for the pul pit. It was another faith cure, as many per sons in the congregation supposed. She had simply seen a mouse in her pew near her feet. Morris town Herald. Poetry Illustrated. "There's a 'smile' on the lips, Though the heart may be sad." Tid Bits. The Hoot of All Evil. Old Minister (to young Minister) Paul was a wonderful man, my dear j'oung brother, a wonderful man; and thousands upon thou sands flocked to hear him preach. Young Minister Yes, if Paul were alive to-day he would only have to name the salary be wanted. N. Y. Sun. An Oregon Girl's Way. Miss Carrie Dillon will teach the school up Ram Gulch this spring. Carrie is now devel oping her muscle with a pair of dumbbells, and proposes to subjugate old Tom Carter's freckle faced boy if she has to break his back, and horsewhip old Tom if he interferes. Ueppner (Ore.) Gazette. 4 Jrortunes Almost Given Away. Stranger Say, mister, a man tells me that the lot you just sold me was under water a month ago. Omaha Real Estate Man Yes, it's pretty dusty by this time I suppose. "Dusty! well, yes, but" "About June, though, there will probably be another flood and that will get the soil in nice condition again." ".What! Two floods a year?" "Only two, unfortunately. We are in hopes, though, of getting congress to do something to make the Missouri rise a little oftener. If the bill goes through your lot will be worth $1,000 a front foot. Just hold on to it." Omaha World A Heart Worth Winning:. "And do you love me so devotedly, dear," he said, "that you will give up home and friends and all that makes your life bright and happy to become my wife and go with me to the uttermost ends of the world if necessary?" "Yes, George," she whispered softly, "when I am your wife your thoughts shall be my thoughts, your hopes my hopes, your religion my religion; and if you should want me to go to the uttermost ends of the world with you I will go, ah, so gladly, George. I do so love to travel." New York Sun. Little Laughs. They were telling big yarns, and one fellow broke up the seance by saying: "Well, when I was up at Bombazique, on the African coast, we always had to sleep witiia steel trap over our mouths to prevent the natives from stealing the filling out of our front teeth, and that's a fact, too." Danville Breeze. A Detroit lawyer, who wanted to marry every pretty girl he met, was adjudged in sane. The sequence isn't natural. If the man were crazy he would be after the homely ones. Baltimore American. Wife (Sunday morning in Boston) Are you going to hear Joseph Cook preach this morning, dear? Husband No, I think 111 go and see the Hon. Mike Kelly practice. New York Sun. t At the opening of the dog show in Madison Square garden, Col. Ochiltree, fiery headed and blandly sarcastic, was in his element. "I like dogs," said he. "The more I know men, the better I like dogs." New York Tribune. Popinjay I understand that Blobson has a political bee in his bonnet. Dumpsey One bee? Guess you don't asso ciate with him. There are more than forty hives. Burlington Free Press. Any man can go up in a balloon, with pro per assistance. It is the coming down in the lake, two miles from shore, that is unique. New Orleans Picayune. .Temperance Agitator My friend, did you ever reflect that man is 90 per cent, water. Boozy Individual Yyez, zir. Ain't that enough? Burlington Free Press. 5 A Needed Lesson. Eastern Dame Yes, this is the first time I have been in Omaha since my daughter mar ried and settled here. I wish you would tell xne how she and her husband get along. I . can never make anything out from her let ters, she is so secretive. I know if she has any troubles she hides them from me. Omaha Dame Her husband is a very nice man, indeed. "I am glad you think so.w "Yes, Clara always was light tempered, you know, but no matter how ugly she gets he always answers pleasantly, and one even ing when I was there he brought home some zephyr she had asked for, and it wasn't the right shade at all, and she called him a 'per fect brute,' and flung the teapot at him and 'hit him with the poker and then threw herself dawn on the floor and kicked and screeched as if she'd take the roof off, and all he said to ' her was: I am afraid you will overexert yourself, my darling.' " " " Well,. I guess that taught her a lesson." "I hope so." "Yes, poor child, next time she'll know bet ter than to send a man to match zephyrs." Omaha .World. Parson Jinglejaw's Fish Preserve. "Parson Jinglejaw, tley tell me you're a great fisherman." "Ps fon er fish, yes'r." "Do you catch them by natural or artificial means?" "Well, as ter dat, when .I'se arter dsh I 'speck it must be arterflshaL" "Sure enough, yes. But they tell me you're a great sportsman and have a fish pond on your place." "Hit's jes' oner dose tigs dat skientific an guiars calls fish presei bc, an' dat's ony anud der way fur inakin' sartin ob yer game. Yer see, I'se got de half eend of er merlasses bar'l dat's filled wid water, an' I gibs eb'ry mem'r ob de Bible class a good depo'tmen' ticket fo' eb'ry sucker or bullhead dey puts in dat bar'l, an den wen I wants ter go fishin' I lets de water off an' sorts out my wictims. Hit's a little differen' Pom cornerin' trouts in a pon' an starvin' 'em till dey's boun' ter bite at anyt'in' you f row 'em, but bit's on the same princ'ple." Yonkers Gazette. PAfWIWl' Mouthful KoveX itdfeiat They start for the glorious, i re and bound less west to kill Injuns. II. Their second night out. A Change of Front. Man at Second Hand Book Store, with Volume Under His Arm What is the best you can do on a copy of Josephus' works? Proprietor Give you twenty-five cents if the book is in good order. Fact is, we're overrun with Josephus. No sale at all for the book. Man You misunderstand. I haven't any to sell. I want to buy a copy of the work to match this "Rollin." Proprietor Just got one left. Been a run on Josephus lately. Sell you this copy for $2.50. Chicago Tribune. Fair Parisiennes' Talk. ' Why is it, my dear, that you always dress in black?" "Oh, I am very fond of black." "But it is so gloomy." "That's just it. I like to imagine myself a widow." French paper. A Fine Extempore Sermon. Reporter (to minister) That was a very fine extempore sermon, sir. Minister Ah, glad you liked it. I have the manuscript at home if you wish to print it. Tid Bits. A Student of Womankind. Omaha Merchant What has become of that piee of velvet Heft here? Clerk Mrs. De Million "Great Caesar! It had the wrong price mark on and you have let it go at less than half the cost. Mrs. De Million will never give it up, I know." "She was not here herself. Her husband took a fancy to it and bought it for her." "Oh! Her husband selected it. That's all right. She'll bring it back." French Drama In Chicago. The Bernhardt engagement has brought out all the French scholars in "Chicago. Never before had we suspected that there were so many able linguists in the midst of us. Gen. Stiles, we have just discovered," speaks French like a native of Paris (Ver milion county). He attended the "Frou Frou" performance last evening with - hi3 friend Judge Prendergast. The judge is a proficient Greek and Latin scholar, but he knows little of French, his vocabulary being limited to such phrases as "fo par," "liaison," "kelky shoze," and "oily bonnur," so Gen. Stiles had to explain the play to him as it progressed last evening. "Now what is she saying?" the judge would ask. "She said 'Good- evening,' " the general would answer. "Does 'bung swor' mean 'good eveningf " the judge would inquire. "Yes." "Oh, what rot!" the judge would exclaim, and then a dude usher in one of Willoughby & Hill's $19 dress suits would teeter down the aisle and wtirn the gentlemen not to whisper so loud. Presently Col. William Penn Nixon, the gifted editor of The Inter Ocean, came along and slipped into the seat next to Gen. Stiles. He had an opera glass, and he leveled it at once at Bernhardt's red, red hair. "Do you speak French!" asked Gen. Stiles in the confidential tone of a member of the citizens' committee. "Oony poo," said Col. Nixon, guardedly. "Vooley voo donny moy voter ver de lopera'f asked the general, motioning toward the opera glass. "See nay par zoon ver de lopera !" pro tested the colonel. "Say lay zhoomels." "Mong doo ! What do I want of 2hoomels ?" cried Gen. Stiles. "Zhoomels is twins I" "Par blool" said Col. Nixon; "it is not twins, it is opera glasses." "You're all wrong, William," urged the general. "The French idiom is 'the glass of the opera.' Ver' is glass, and 'de lopera' is of the opera." "I have heard them called lornyets," sug gested Judge Prendergast, in the deferential tone of a young barrister seeking a change of venue. "Well, I don't know what the general's opera glass is," said Col. Nixon, "but this one of mine is a 'lay zhoomels.' " "Call it what you please," replied the judge, "it is de tro as far as I am concerned until the corpse de bally makes it ontray." "I thought you didn't speak French," said Gen. Stiles, turnirg fiercely upon the judge. "Oh, well," the judge explained, apologeti cally. "I'm not what you and the colonel would call oh fay I'm a june primmer at the business, but when the wind is southerly I reckon I can teM a grizet from a garsong." Chicago society is still in considerable doubt as to where Bernhardt should be lo cated in the artistic scale. A good many of the elite think that her Fedora is second to Fanny Davenport's and there are very many others who prefer Clara Morris' Camille. We notice that the popular inquiry in cultured circles is "Have you been to see Bernhardt?" not "Have you been to hear Bernhardt?" "Oh, you don't know how I enjoyed Bayern hayerdt the other evening 1" exclaimed one of our most beautiful and accomplished belles. "Her dresses are beautiful, and they do say she is dreadfully naughty 1" Eugene Field in Chicago News. ilMMftRCTAT, f ADVERTISED, JANUAEY 0) aturday, January 14th. If Not Previously Disposed 01 by Private Sale. Established Over Thirtv Years The above influential journal, which city of Honolulu and The Property Comprises the Eight of Publishing and Good Will of the DAILY and WEEKLY Editions of the Pacific Commercial Advertiser Which enjoys an Extensive A Valuable Plant io INCLUDING A Horizontal Engine, Newspaper, AN AMPLE ASSORTMENT OF NEWS AND JOBBING TYPES Of the mosst modern design, together with every requisite for a well i"11 Newspaper mi Job In'the shape of Machinesy, THE JOB PRINTING OFFICE Ts always in a state of activity and over and above CONTRACTS ARE NOWJ IN FORCE for the printing of two Daily Ha- wanan newspapers. 7" Full particulars may be learned WBAI AT f 1 1 -O N- :o.- -o- has long held the premier position in the throughout the Islands, -O- M Circulation throughout the Group. Perfect Working Order, Book & Jobbing Presses, 'J Ofe, Appliance and Materials. often affords employment to extra faandi the regular Staff. froni TAIL0E, Secretary. Printing is. i Commercial Advertiser 8TJSAM BOOK AND JOB PEINTIM OFFICE In prepared to do all kinds o Commercial & Legal Work Having just Received aOompIete and New Assortment of Job Types and Ornaments Of the Latest Stvles, from the most Cel brated Foundries of the United States, and employing only Experienced and lYatv Workmen, we are prepared to turn out Letter Heads. Bill Heads., ? . Circulars. Note If end. k Statements, Bills of Lading:, Stock Certificate. Business CTntds. Steal Checks Milk Tickets, Bank Checks Contracts, Sfortsrajre Blanks, Leases, Shipping: Contracts', "'' fin Hawaiian fe English) Calendars, Blank Chcks, Orders, Receipts, Marriage Certificates. Diplomas, Cata!o-ue, Blotting- Pads And in fact everything which a first-class office can do. Australian Mail Service. FOR SAN FRANCISCO, rhe new and fine Al steel steamship the Oceanic Steamship Company, will be doe at iioneimu irom esyaney and Auckland on or about January 13tll, 1888, And will leare for the abve port with malls and passengers on or about that date. For freitrht nr nn ca VioTrin.. unDTDTnTj ACCOMMODATIONS, apply to Wm. e. Irwin & Co., AGENTS. For Sydney and Auckland. The new and fine Al steel steamship ... . Of the Oceanic Steamship Company, will be due at Honolulu irom Han jrranclsco or or about January 19, 1888. And will have prompt diapatcn with mails an assengers for the above ports. For freieht or nassaee. bavins: SUPERIOR AC COMMODATIONS, apply to Wm. Gr. Irwin & Co., AGKNTS Notice of Eemoval. THOMAS LINBSAT 5Ianufactnring Jeweler, HAS REMOVED TO Thomas Block, Kins; St. si WM. G. IRWIN & n SUGAK FACTORS and cw ' AOii NTS. HodoIuIu H. I. BBhn. M. PHILLIPS & n Importers and Wholesale Clothing, Boota, Shoes, Hats, Meni In and Fancy Goods. No. 11 Kaahum. i Honolulu. II. I. PAUL NEUMANjJ Law Office, 4.4. Merchant Street ! 1 tr FRANK GODFREY General Business Agent No. 84 KING ST. Burgess' Ejtr. , P. O. BOX 345 Frank Godfrey, WRITER, COPYIST, filnsr Street, General Busing P. O. Box 345. Frank Mk I Houses Let, Booms Rented, Lands Leased fi in. I' ""iff street "''ox 345 Frank Godfrey, Records Searched, Leases Drawj, 84 Kins: Mtreet, P. O. Box 345. ollected, Mortgages Obtained On Real Estate and x erBonal Property; Frank Godfirr ? - Box 513, GIVE ME A CALL. 84 King St. (BurgSK!t11 NOTICE. WE HAVE JUST RECEIVED A NEW LOT OF MANILA CIGAES, Of the Best Assorted Brands in the Market, which we will sell at Lowest Prices, either In Bond or uty laid. Fresh Lots received by every Steamer. MEE FOjSTG & CO.. K I iig- Nt., Bet. 2H aunakea nud Xui'anu. 3m I ffl. (j. hwi b OFFER FOR SALE: SUGAES DRY GRANULATED In Barrels, Half Barrels, And SO-noand Boxes. CUBE In Half Barrels And 25-pound Boxes POWDERED ' In 20-pound Boxes. OOLDEN C. COFFEE In Half Barrels' TEAS Blue Mottled Soap SALMON Cases t'orued Beef. FLOUB Cs Medium Bread. OIL FUEL AkdJ LUBRICATING . LIME I CEMENT Galvanized Iron Hoofing, JEtllDGtlNG SCKEWS and WASHERS Sllsar Bags-xsc COEDAG-B. ManilaJnd Sisal, Banana Twine Wbale s Reed's Felt Steam Pipe I and Boiler Covering. GItASS ISEEDS, Mil LOTJMBKHb 'A 'UTENTBS suitable for IPC and surveying prt: . ?2 tf r i .- i re ti rn:J E.'fU t 117 V" CTi .a f L H V s .