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PACIFIC COMMERCIAL ADVERTISES, APBIL 2, 1888.
E2 BILL NYE AT THB PLAY. H Details the Allurements of a Uowery Theatre. T is to be regretted that during the past week so little attention has been paid by the bright and able amuse ment and theatri cal writers of the New York press to the bill nightly presented by the London theatre, of this place. Cer tainly for those who enjoy an even ing of uninterrupt ed enjoyment at a trifling expense there is nothing at present to compete with the Lon don. Three hours of solid fun that anybody can understand, together with thirty or forty songs and a play, are very rarely offered in this city for twenty-five cents, and it cer tainly seems to me to usher in an era of pros perity and good feeling among the plain peo ple who enjoy a spectacular, musical and dramatic season at cut rates. I did not take a lady with me to the Lon don, thinking that I would go first and see how I liked it myself. I found that the rest of the audience consisted of gentlemen who evidently thought the same way. The scene opens with a can opener and an overture, during which rapid fiddling is done by three men, who gain perceptibly on each other in a half mile dash, followed by the clarionet later and the hoarse accents of the xylophone. It is a inodley, and admirable time was kept by the audience, led by two sailors who sat near me, dressed up in their other clothes and a chew of tobacco apiece, which made that side of their faces sag con siderably, and gave them a sinister expression of countenance and a tinge of ill concealed navy tobacco. When the vast audience was perfectly still, as it frequently was after a humorous burst from the stage, I fancied that I could hear the salivary glands of these two old tars toiling on hopelessly through the slowly moving noun. Then there is a bit of life in Paris. After the Paris life episode, which is really more spectacular than anything else, the Acme Quartet club, consisting of four hand some young men in full dress and police gloves, warbles a few strains, during which it attains the higher notes with some diffi culty and swollen jugular veins. The Acme quartet pleased mo very much, especially when it refused to sing any more. I think the Acme is certainly superior to the Climax quartet, the Trophy, the Little Mammoth or the Early Dwarf quartet. A tableau was now produced with Eden Musee effects, and, with a calcium light thrown on it, pleased me much better than the Railway murder. Ten minutes are next devoted to selections from French opera by Delaur and Debimont, who also change their clothes several times, after which nine lovely women are discov ered standing on the stage dressed in men's clothes. These nine lovely women sing a song which sounds like all the other songs that have been sung, involving more or less strolling down Broadway and breaking up several home circles, sly and unconstitutional social eccen tricity, etc., during which one of the nine lovely women, wearing a baseball uniform, in which she looks like a flannel doll that has been run over by a heavy wagon, distinctly and in a point blank manner winks toward me, and I put my hat on again to cover my confusion. At this point a young woman sings a song. At least it is generally understood that it is another song, but it sounds similar, though any one can see by her gestures that it has more pathos in it, and instead of strolling down Broadway she wanders by the brook side and a large chunk of sadness falls on her; whereupon she clutches at her heart like an infuriated man trying to strangle a basket of pups. Mr. Harry Morris, accom panied by a woven wire stomach upon which by falls with the utmost impunity, holds a short but highly humorous consultation with the ochestra. He stays on the stage eight minutes, after which he succeeds in eluding the vigilance of the audience and getting away. Juteau, the handsomest aerial artist in the world, then smiles at a mark on the ceiling, bows and puts her fingers to her lips like a man who is replacing his front teeth accord ing to Marquis of Queensberry rules, and ascends the trapeze by means of a dark red ti ing. Juteau then proceeds to hang by one limb, by two limbs, by her chin, by her elbow, by her nose, and by her eyebrow, while the band plays a quivering selection. Bhe does not say anything during all the time she is before the audience, but seems to rely solely on her gestures. Her sentiments were highly indorsed by one and all. She is assisted by Mr. George W. Brown, of Spain, who wears a plain suit of tights and an air of apprehension. The entertainment closes with a comical burlesque with jokes in it. The villain is very funny indeed. This is entirely new. A humorous villain has never been success fully attempted before. His name is William Pasterino, and at one time he tries to stab a poor young girl who begs him to spare her life the remainder of her days and she will Kit up nights to bless him. She states that be is utterly alone, oh, so very much so, and that she has no protector, not even being pro tected by copyright, and so he does not take her life. He is a pleasant villain, with a sinister smile and a tumor on the side of his bead which looks some like an alibi. This play is quite long and, as the tobacco smoke in the dress circle had thickened up a goodv.deal and interfered with the view, I went out and took a stroll in the crisp No vember starlight, forgetting to go back till it was too late. I noticed in the audience quite a number of those who always attend the first nights at the Bowery theatres. Mr. Sunnivan Gun nison was present and sat pretty well down toward the front. He said he liked the play first rate and hoped it would succeed. THE ACME QUARTET. Mr. Ah" There, Mr. Wun Lung and Mr. 5ing Lo, who sat pretty well back on the .off tide of the upper balcony, thought that the American ply was too brief. They claimed that too much had to be cut out in order to play one of our dramas at a one night stand. Altogether I like this Bowery show better than the kind we used to have on the frontier the Alharnbra, of Cheyenne, for instance. Nobody was shot during the evening and no tobacco quids were pasted on the decollete head of the Ixjss orchestra fiddler. Bill Nye pi New York World. . . . , STRAY JOKES. The latest things in stockings feet. Epoch. "Took long steps, my cheild,wsaid Solomon Isaacs. "You von't vear oud your shoes nearly so quick." Detroit Free Press. She Had Him This is a new shade, isn't it? "Yes, madam, it has just come in." "What is it called? "The manufacturer wanted to pay us a delicate compliment, so he named it 'The Clerk's Favorite."' "Give me five yards of your plainest black." Tid Bits. A lady in Dalton, Ga., is the possessor of a breastpin containing a lock of hair which grew on Washington's head. There are so many locks of Washington's hair still in existence that it is not surprising that nearly all his portraits show him wearmg a pow dered wig. Norristown Herald. Chicago Husband Well, my dear, was your Baconian class a success this afternoon? Wife Yes, but I was very nervous for a while. Husband What was the trouble? Wife Why, it was nearly 4 o'clock before the pie came from the baker's. Epoch. "Two thousand dollars jest for a pitcher!" repeated old Mrs. Bently, in amazement. "I wonder what them Chicago folks kin be thinkin' of! This craze fer decorated chiny is gittin' to be wicked." Epoch. A Michigan town boasts a girl six feet nine inches tall. When a fellow gets a kiss from her he has to say please, and don't you forget it. Burlington Free Press. Play writer I will now read you my play. Friend But why have you given me this package? "That package contains half a dozen handkerchiefs. My play is a tragedy, and I don't want you to be unprepared." From the German. The authorship of Shakespeare's plays was settled by Gay in his "Beggar's Opera." "I say, Molly, who wrote Shakspur?" asks one of the characters. "Mr. Preface," replies the maiden fair. New York Morning Journal. A woman who married a one legged man says it doesn't take much to make her hus band "hopping mad." Norristown Herald. "May I help you to some more of the soup, Mr. Shears?" inquired his hostess. Mr. Shears is a country editor. "No, madam," he re plied, politely, "you may consider a second plate of soup crowded out to make room for more important matter." Epoch. End of a Boom. First Easterner I guess you remember me. We met in Los Angeles. Second Easterner I remember you per fectly. You are the good angel who sold me a corner lot on which I made a small fortune. I sold that lot for $60,000. You know I only paid you $30,000 for it. "Yes, and as you did so well, I don't mind confessing that nearly all that $30,000 was clear profit. I bought that lot for a couple of hundred dollars. By the way, what became of the man you sold to?" "The last I heard of him he was in the alm3 house." Omaha World. Love in the Tropics. L - . Zulu (singing) Oh, Rumeefum, sweet Kumeefum, thy ruby hps I Unexpected Occupant Say, young man, I wouldn't wait for Bumeefum if I were you; I am afraid she won't be here to-night. Life. Sent His Girl the Wrong Postal Card. A Millerstown young man not long since wrote two postal cards on entirely different subjects. He then turned them over and ad dressed them, but by mistake placed the ad dresses on the wrong cards. The result was that the shirt maker in Harrisburg got a polite invitation to take a carriage ride in Huff Warde's barouche, while the young man's girl was made frantic by receiving the following: "Please send me a sample of the stuff your shirts are made of." Newport Ledger. A Long Felt Want. American (in Europe) I understand you are willing to sell your Wild West show. Buffalo Bill I am willing enough, but the Indians object. "Why so?" "I don't know ; superstition, I suppose. They say they will never be bought." "Say, Bill, take those Indians back to New York and we'll elect them aldermen." Omaha World. A St. Louis Improvement. In some St. Louis restaurants the waiters no longer bawl the orders down to the kitchen; they touch certain electric bells in stead. When a St. Louis man orders a lunch of eoiFee and ham and eggs, the eggs cooked on both sides, he will no longer be obliged to listen to this mysterious speech: "One in the dark, white wings, hog to come along. Ship wreck them white wings." New York Tri bune. Perfectly Safe. "Here's a box addressed to you," said the wife of a prominent man. "I don't think you'd better open it, though." "What shall we do with it?" "I'll tell you; well take it out and get the hired girl to open it. She has lit the fire with kerosene three times this week, and I don't think that dynamite will hurt her. Washington Critic. A Remarkable Case, Under the above heading the "Don caster Reporter" of July 6, 1887, pub lishes the following in its editorial col umns : Our readers may recall the circumstance of a young clerk, named Arthur Richoid, falling insensible on the Wheatley Lane in this town some time ago, and being picked up, as he continued perfectly helpless, and taken in a cab by two gentlemen to the office of F. W. Fisher, Esq., the solicitor who employed him. On restoring him to consciousness it was ascertained that he was afflicted with what seemed to be an incurable disease. When he was able to speak he said he had been to his dinner and was on his way back to his work, when suddenly his head was in a whirl and he fell in the street like a man who is knocked down. On coming to his senses in the solicitor's office he thought what this might mean, and feared he was going to have a fit of illness, which we all know is a very dreadful thing for a poor man with a family to care for. With this in his mind he at once sought the best medical advice, telling the doctors how he had been attacked. They ques tioned him, and found that his present malady was exhaustion of the nervous system, resulting from general debility, indigestion and dyspepsia of a chronic nature. This in turn had been caused by confinement to his desk and grief at the loss of dear friends by death. The coming on of this strange disease, as described by Mr. Richoid, must be of interest both to sick and well. He had noticed for several years previously, in fact, that his eyes and face began to have a yellow look; there was a sticky and unpleasant slime on the suras and teeth in the morning; the tongue coated ; and the bowels so bound and costive that it induced that most pain ful and troublesome ailment the piles. He says there was some pain in the sides and back and a sense of fullness on the right tide, as though the liver were enlarg ing, which proved to be a terrible fact. The secretions from the kidneys would be scanty and high-coloredi with a kind of gritty or sandy deposit after standing. These things had troubled Mr. Richoid a long time, and after his fall in the street he clearly perceived that his fit of giddi ness was nothing more than a sign of the steady and deadly advance of the com plaint, which began in indigestion arid dys pepsia. His story of how he went from one physician to another in search of a cure that his wife and little ones might not come to want is very pathetic and touching. Finally' he became too ill to keep his situation and had to give it up. This was a sad calamity. He was appalled to think of how he should be able to live. But God raised up friends who helped to keep the wolf from the door. He then went to the seaside at Walton on-the-Naze, but neither the change, nor the physicians who treated him there, did any good. All being without avail he visited London, with a sort of vague hope that some ad vantage might happen to him in the me tropolis. This was in October, 1885. How wonderful, indeed, are the ways of Providence, which dashes down our high est hopes and then helps us when we least expect it. While in London he stated his condition to a friend, who strongly advised him to try a medicine which he called Mother Seigel's Curative Syrup, saying it was gen uine and honest, and often cured when everthing else had failed. He bought a bottle of a chemist in Pimlico, and began using it according to the directions. He did this without any faith or hope, and the public may, therefore, judge of his surprise and pleasure when after taking a few doses he felt great relief. He could eat better, his food distressed him less, the symptoms we have named abated, the dark spots which had floated before his eyes like smuts of soot gradually disap peared, and his strength increased. Before this time his knees would knock together whenever he tried to walk. So encouraged was he now that he kept on using Mother Seigel's Curative Syrup until it ended in completely curing him. In speaking of his wonderful recovery Mr. Richoid says it made him think-of poor Robinson Crusoe, and his deliver ance from captivity on his island in the sea; and added, "But for Mother Seigel's Curative Syrup the grass would now be growing over my grave." Our readers can rest assured of the strict truth of all the statements in this most re markable case, as Mr. Richoid (now resid ing at Swiss Cottage, Walton-on-the-Naze,) belongs to one of the oldest and most re spected families in the beautiful village of Long Melford, Suffolk, and his personal character is attested by so high an au thority as the Rev. C. J. Martyn. We have deemed the case of such importance to the public as to justify us in giving this short account of it in our columns. North British and Mercantile INSURANCE COMPANY. ESTABLISHED 1809. The Opportunity of a Lifetime. The following telegram was sent home by a member of the Yale baseball nine: "Nose broken which do you prefer, Greek or Roman? Telegraph answer before doctor sets it." Life. ". . Knew His Business. Editor (to young aspirant for journalistic honors) "You are something of a writer, you say?". Young Man: "Oh, yes, sir, I took second prize at school for penmanship." Epoch. Too True, Too True. A music dealer says that a violin has not improved any since 1720. The same may be 6aid of the violin player who lives next door. --Norristown Herald. ' Resources of the Company as at 31st Dec, 1882 1 Authorized Capital 3,000,000 2 Subscribed 2,000,000 3 Paid Up 500,000 4 Fire Fund and Reserves as at , 31st Dec, 1883 1,274,661 5 Life and Annuity Funds.... 3,855,529 6 Revenue Fire Branch 1,107,124 7 " Life and Annuity Branches 484,798 ED. HOFFSCBXAEGER & CO., Agents for the Hawaiian Islands. 563wmar28tf Bone Meal! Bone Meal BONE MEAL (WARRANTED PURE), FROM the Manufactory of BUCK & ASHLAND Ban Francisco. Orders for this Celebrated Fertiliser will now be received by the undersigned. Planters are requested to send their orders in early, so that there will be no delay in having them tilled in ime for the planting season. Also, Super - Phosphate A Fine Fertilizer for Cane. S, Ordersreceived In quantities to suit. 21-wtf WM. G.IRWIN fe CO., Agents. METROPOLITAN Meat Company, 81 KING 8TIIEET, G. J. WALLER MANAGER. WHOLESALE AND RETAIL BUTCHERS AND Navy Contractors. MOTHER SEIGEL'S OPERATING FOR ' CONSTIPATION Sluggish Liver, ETC., ETC., ETC., TTNLIKE many kinds of cathartic medicines, do not make you feel worse before you feel better. Their op eration is gentle, but thorough, and unattended with disagreeable effects, such as nausea, griping pains, etc. Seigel's Operating Pills are the best family physic that has ever been discov ered. They cleanse the bowels from all irritating substances, and leave them in a healthy condition. The best remedy extant for the bane of our lives constipation and sluggish liver.. These Pills prevent fevers and all kinds of sickness, by removing all pois onous matter from the bowels. They operate briskly, yet mildly, without anv pain. If you take a severe cold, and are threatened with a fever, with pains in the head, back, and limbs, one or two doses of Seigel's Operating Pills will break up the cold and prevent the fever. A coated tongue, with a brackish taste, is caused by foul matter in the stomach. A few doses of Seigel's Operating Pills will cleanse the stom ach, remove the bad taste, and restore the appetite, and with it bring good health. Oftentimes disease, or partially de cayed food, causes sickness, nausea and diarrhoea. If the bowels are cleansed from this impurity with a dose of Seigel's Operating Pills, these disa greeable effects, will vanish, and good health will result. Seigel's Operating Pills prevent ill-effects from excess in eating or drink ing. A good dose at bedtime renders a person fit for business in the morning. These Pills, being sugar-coated, are pleasant to take. The disagreeable taste common to most pills is obviated. For Sale by all Chemists, Druggists and Medicine Vendors. PROPRIETORS LIMITED LONDON, ENG. S. BOTH, MERCHANT T All-OR, 83 Fort St., Honolulu, II. I. ' 84-wtl HOLLISTER & CO., Druggists and Tobacconists, WIIOJLESAIjE A WD RETAIL. S9 Nuuanu Street, and cor. Fort & Merchant 8U 83 wtf J&rlwlistmtnij. So mmerciBl Advertit IS THE Matty Mmrsp8p m; the JPEJBMSHMD JEVJERY MOllKlft Office, 46 and 48 Merchant JStreet, Hoi -: o THE ADVERTISER Represents the Interests of the Politician, the Merck Planter, the Storekeeper, the" Lawyer, the Workman, n. fact, all Cli sses of the Community. THE ADVERTISER Has for many years been noted for its Reports of Led Proceedings, Important Law Cases, etc. These are re Verbatim when the importance of the occasion warrants it THE ADVERTISER Is a necessity to Every English. speaking Inhabitant Kingdom who desires to keep pace with the times. THE ADVERTISER Is copious and prompt in the publication of Local 5en. its readers are -kept constantly posted as to tho course offj xt i r xt, u a? i i TTr.;tai W-'. iu uiuer puns vi lue, wunu, particularly in me uuuw le Wily Pais Giitil iij Is specially adapted for residents of the outlying portions of the group. Terms 'of Sxibscription: Daily Edition, per annum. .. " " per half year. " " per'nonth ... Weekly Edition, per annum. " to Foreign Countries SUBSCRIPTIONS PAYABLE IN ADVANCE. THE Pacific Commercial Advert THE JOB PEINTING OFFICE Is replete with every requisite which modern ingenuity b8 LATEST NOVELTIES IN Every description of BOOK WORK. Books and Blank order. ritb ' . ... favorably i Prices are strictly moderate and win compos other office in the "city.