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I'ACIKIC ( OMMKKCJAL AT)Vl:l?TlSEK, APRIL 5 1&8.
STORIES OF MEN. Ir. r.ryant's Joke I'ion a Teller of 011 Stories. Dr. Brj-ant, who accompanied President Cleveland on his recent tour through the west and south, is a serious man, who never jokes and never uses slang. One day the doctor was walking through the woods on the Belle-Meade farm, near Nashville, with Oen. "Bill" Jackson, who is known far and wide as a very successful racounteur. The general was in particularly high spirits that clay, and stories ran out of him like sap out of a sugar maple. At the end of one especial!' good story the doctor, who did not seem to be much pricked by the point of it, continued to look up at the trees, which he had been some time examin ing, and said : "General, you raise a good many chestnuts here, don't you?" All the rest of the da the doctor won dered why Gen. Jackson told no more stories. Chicago News. Elihu Wasliburne, t'r. and Jr. Elihu B. Washburne, Jr., 'vho was called borne by the death of his distinguished father from the college lie had been attending at Kiir-ston, N. Y., told this anecdote of him to a friend at the Coleman house, New York: The ex-minister was eirJcely lacking in ap preciation of American humor. From the time he was rocked in the old oak cradle at Livermore he saw the sterner side of life, and failed with the most favorable surroundings to appreciate Yankee fun. Last summer Elihu, Jr., spent some weeks with his father at tl:o old homestead in Maine. During the collegiate year the young man had r.ct failed to draw on his father for funds. As the old peril Ionian was sitting and reading and medi tating perhaps on the proneness of youth to i:ia':e nroney fly upward, like the sparLs, Elihu, Jr., passed by in tc hall singing in a tine baritone: The fifteen dollars In my inside pocket, whereat the elder lost no time in answering, in the same strain, but with a slightly sar c:ulic intonation: Since when, Elihu, Since when? Chicago Herald. 311. Quad Gets Into Trouble. Eufaula, Ala., Nov. 7. While Mr. C. B. Lewis (M. Quad), of The Detroit Free Press, who has been on a visit for a week to this city, was sitting in front of the St. Julien hotel in conversation with a local newspaper man, the' were approached by a stranger from the country, who asked: --Which is M. Quad?" "This is," Mr. Lewis answered, pointing with a smile to the local newspaper man. "All riv,ht," said the stranger, addressing the Eufuulan, "1 heerd you wuz in town, and I've walked fourteen miles tor day gist ter get er chance to lick yer." It appears that the. countryman had ovice written a coiimnmiratioii to M. Quad, the plans and specifications of which the humor ist criticised or made fun of, and so won the roir.itrym ius lasting enmity. After ihe af ftir the t'.vo scriljes rescued their tali hats tro:n the taud, and arm in arm they went up the stivel, while the countryman was re covered and detained 1 ng enough to be fined 14 uud c-ft;t lor tissue. t and battery. Mr. Lev. is left this afternoon for Troy, Ala. St. Louis Glu1;-Democrat. Another Lincoln Anecdote. Seymour Curtis j.; one of the characters of Lcr.itford. He went to the war as lifer, anil Since has been what may be called an ardent, iv Oi king Republican. He comes to Bridge -l-v.i t nearly every day, and on his last visit told the following anecdote never lief ore i i::ted: "During the presidential campaign of ISTiG, vhen John C. Fremont was the Republican toiuinee, Mr. Curtis, in company with James Looth, came to this city to hear Lincoln ! eak. As Lincoln step;xl upon the plat t ."in to begin his speech Booth said to Curtis, vhat a homely man! He's tho homeliest turn I ever saw.' But as Lincoln talked and jvaxed eloquent, Booth brought his clenched u :t down on Curtis's knee (and the latter said tc hit hard) and said, Seymour Curtis, he is t.-it i:o bad looking after all! He grows hand 5 mor all the time.' At last, with a sledire I .oumer blow of his list on Curtis's kiee, Looth exclaimed, 'Curtis, he's the hand- 5 mest Lane. man I ever saw. -New York Tri- W liy -liennett Came Home. Tom Ochiltree's "latest" is at the expense Of James Gordon Bennett. When told that t lie editor of The Herald, had returned from Lurope he evinced no surprise whatever, ana Ciui'mured, "of course, 'of course," in the uost matter of fact tone. "But why 'of courser " demanded his informant, impa tiently. ""What do you know about it, any how" "Nothing," was the witty Texan's rejoinder, "only of couir.e he's coming Lome to edit that new iaier of his in Paris." Chicago Herald. liisliop Poster's Poser. Bishop Potter is credited with tho follow ing joke: A young clergj-man, not far Iro n Harlem, being on the eve of marriage, a:.d Dot wishing to trouble any of his clerical brethren, wrote to the bishop inquiring if, t.i he had already published the bans from bij own pulpit, he could marry himself. The bishop at once eapj)cd the query with another: "Could you Lury yourself" That settled it. New York Ledger. Funnier Than Jt Seems. The Princess Bismarck, "speaking to a triend shortly after a man in Poseu had left her husband about s-X'J, said: "I'm so glad Li:;marck got the money- just at this time, when he needs a good, steady horse to ride. He always refused to buy one on the ground that ho couldn't afford it. It comet; in handy, iucsn't iM" The prkrje, it will Ikj remem bered, lias an income of : 1:25,000 a year. Dickens Characteristic Iieply. An enterprising phrenologist once wrote a Cole to the late Cuarles Dickens, asking per mission to make an examination of his cra nium. Dickens replied: "Dear sir: At this t. no I "require the use of my skull, but as J- 'Oil at; it shall be at leisure I will willingly j ..ice it at your disposal." Manchester L.iardian. Tabor ti tlie lleseue. "It is a shame," said a patriotic Colorado mil to Senator Tabor, "that we have no Dionumeuts to any of our great men in this l-.tte." 'So it is. I'll have my measure taken for D:.i immediately," was the reply. Chicago tews. . A Career of Wealth Cut Short. A Long Island man ate seventy-five clams it one sittiug and won 100 by .tho feat. I fier defraying his funeral expenses there i 20 left Twenty dollars a day, clear I . olit, z pretty good wages, and if the Long 1 .-;:d man had continued in the business ten j .us he rai'ht liavc been able to buy a t ;u: .ie of Patti tickets annually, besides hav- ; :x couple of hundred dollars for inclement I '.-.-ther. His sudden death, just as he had t -Ured upon a money making career, was t ither urfortuuate. Drake's Travelers' Mag- DDrcusnnniib. Ed. Hoflfcclilaeger & Co Offer For Sale Ales, Beers, Wines, Brandies, Whiskies, Champagnes. All of SUPERIOR QUALITY and at LOW RATES, including Iloimesy Brandy, Bolsaet Brandy, L.'Advocat Brandy, . White Elephant Gin, Sionc Jn Gin, Royal CJuh Cilii, Angostura Hitter, Ktc. Etc AGENTS IN THE HAWAIIAN 1SLANLS FOR; Flenslmrg Stock Peer. Alsace Ale of the Schiltigbeim Brewery. M. B. Foster & Son's 41e aud Porter. W. E. Johnson & Co.'s Stout. Thistle Blend Scotch Whisky. Old Glen Highland Whisky. Daniel Crawford & Son's Scotch Whisky. Mavourueen Old Irish Whisky. ETC. ETC. ETC. ETC. Ed lloltschlaeger & Co. KING AND BETHEL STREETS. Notice of Assignment. NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN THAT THE firm of Ouong Yneu & Co. of No. 54 King street, have this d;ty made an assignment of all their property and assets, in trust for the benefit of their creditors to the undersigned. All per sons indebted to the aid firm located at Maka lal lluua on Maui, under the firm name of Hp Chong Lontr. and thoje who are indebted to the store oi said firm, located at Houauko Kau on Hawaii, under the firm nmne t f Quoug Wo, aie requested to settle their accounts with the un dersigned or th ir authoiized agents who alone are empowered to receive and receipt for the same- All persous having demands against the said firm are requested to piesent the same to the uudersigued at the business place of Hop Yuen & Co., Honolulu. LEE TAT SUN. JACK LUNG. Honolulu, March 27th, 18.8. Partnership Notice. N OTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN THAT - THE right, title and interest .f Lau Lin, jWoug Yosig & Chow Fook in the partnership business carried on un e.- the firm name of Sun Kim .' LungCo. o:i Hotel street, -Honolulu, general dry- goods aud Chinese piovis.on tU-al-is, lias been sold and transferred to Lau Kau, who will hence forth carry on the business under the sne firm name. LAU LIN. Honolulu, March 27tb. 1888. JOHN XV. A KAN A Employment Office, Makai side of Hotel aud Fwa side of Smith street at the corner. CHIN ES 1C COL L ECT I NO A Specially. ALL CLASSES OF Chinese Labor, CookN, Yard Bo, Etc., obtained tvilli tllO UllllUNt dl3t'll. IirSTJKiSOJij. BCyal Fire Insurance Co., of liver pool. Union Fire an. I Marine Insurance Co. of Xcw Zealand. Nan In surance Co., San Francisco (Marine1. 2I:'ra roars- General Ir. 'o., of Jlegrar bnr (Marine). FIRE INiUPANCE effected on all kinds of insurable property, and MARINE INSURANCE on vessels, cargoes, commissions and freights at current rates. J. S. "Walker, tf Agent for Hawaiian Islands Wanted to Purchase. ANYONE HAVING A PHOTOGRAPHIC CAM era of moderate dimensions for sale, may po.sibiy hear of a purchaser by communicating wiih Z, P. O Box O. NOTICE A f ESSRS. J. E. BROWN & CO. ARE AUTHOR lvl iaed to collect subscriptions for the daily PACIFIC COMMERCIAL ADVERTISER. Honolulu, January 17, 1888. FERTILIZERS. FOR PLANTATIONS, GXRDENS, LAWNS, ETC. For sale by HANSON & SMYTH. We are now prepared to receive all orders for the above Fertilzer of a superior quality, thoroughly cured aud warranted one of the best articles of the kind in the market. Orders may be left with L. P. HANSON, 200 Queen street. G. M.SMYTH. Hawaiian Hotel St. OHE. GEETZ, Importer and Dealer in enl' I.adie- and Children's DU THE CHOICEST BRANDS OF Cigars and Tobacco Kcit on Hand. TOrder9 from the other islands solicited. Shoes & Slippers. OLS A Remarkable Case. Under t lie above heading the "Don caster Reporter" of July 0, 18S7, pub lishes the following in its editorial col umns: Our readers may recall the circumstance of a young clerk, named Arthur Kichoid, falling insensible' on the Wheatley Lane in this town some time ago, and being picked up, as he continued perfectly helpless, and taken in a cab by two gentlemen to the oflice of F. V. Fisher, Esq., the solicitor who employed him. On restoring him to consciousness it was ascertained that he was afflicted with what seemed to be an incurable disease. When he was able to speak he said he had been to his dinner and was on his way back to his work, when suddenly his head was in a whirl and he fell in the street like a man who is knocked down. On coming to his senses in the solicitor's oflice he thought what this might mean, and feared he was going to have a fit of illness, which we all know is a very dreadful thing for a poo man w.tli a family to care for. With this in his mind he at once sought the best medical advice, telling the doctors how he had been attacked. They ques tioned him, and found that his present malady was exhaustion of the nervous system", resulting from general debility, indigestion and dyspepsia of a chronic nature. This in turn had been caused by confinement to his desk and grief at the loss of dear friends by death. The coming on of this strange disease, as described by Mr. llichold, must be of interest both to sick and well. He had noticed for several years previously, in fact, that his eyes and face began to have a yellow look; there was a stick' and unpleasant slime on the gums and teeth in the morning; the. tongue coated ; and the bowels so bound and costive that it induced that most pain fid and troublesome ailment the piles. He says there was some pain in the sides and back and a sense of fullness on the right .ide, as though the liver were enlarg ing, which proved to he a terrible fact. The secretions from the kidneys would be scanty and high-coloredi with a kind of gritty or sandy deposit after standing. These things had troubled Mr. llichold a long time, and after his fall in the .street he clearly perceived that his fit of giddi ness was nothing more than a sign of the steady and deadly advance of the com plaint, which began in indigestion and dys pepsia. His story of how he went from one physician to another in search of a cure that his wife and little ones might not come to want is very pathetic and touching. Finally he became too ill to keep his situation and had to give it up. This was a sad calamity. He was appalled to think of how he should be able to live. But (iod raised up friends who helped to keep the wolf from the door. He then went to the seaside at Walton on-the-Naze, but neither the change, nor the physicians who treated him there, did any good. 11 being without avail lie visited London, with a sort of vague hope that some ad vantage might happen to him in the me tropolis. This was in October, 1SS5. How wondeiful, indeed, are the ways of Providence, which dashes down our high est hopes and then helps us when we least, expect it. While in London he stated his condition to a friend, who strongly advised him to try a medicine which he called Mother Seigel's Curative Syrup, saying it was gen uine and "honest, and often cured when evert hing else had failed. He bought a bottle of a chemist in Pimlico, and began using it according to the directions. He did this without any faith or hope, and the public may, therefore, judge of his surprise and pleasure when after taking a few doses he felt great relief. He could eat better, his food distressed him less, the symptoms we have named abated, the dark spots which had floated before his eyes like smuts of soot gradually disap peared, and his strength increased. Before this time his knees would knock together whenever he tried to walk. So encouraged was he now that he kept on using Mother Seigel's Curative Syrup until it ended in completely curing him. In speaking of his wonderful recovery Mr. Kichold says it made him think of poor Robinson Crusoe, and his deliver ance from captivity on his island in the sea; and added, "But for Mother Seigel's Curative Syrup the grass would now be growing over my grave." Our readers can rest assured of the strict truth of all the statements in this most re markable case, as Mr. llichold (now resid ing at Swiss Cottage, Walton-on-the-Naze,) belongs to one of the oldest and most re spected families in the beautiful village of Long Melford, Suffolk, and his personal character is attested by so high an au thority as the Ilev. C. J. Marty n. We have deemed the case of such importance to the public as to justify us in giving this short -account of it in our columns. North British and Mercantile INSURANCE COMPANY. ESTABLISHED 1809. Resources of tbe Company as at 31st Dec, 1882 1 Authoiized Capital 3,000,000 2 Subscribed " 2.U00.000 3 Paid up " 500,000 4 Fire Fund and Reserves as at 31st Dec, 1883 1,274,661 5 Life and Annuity Funds.... 3,855,529 0 Revenue Fire Branch : . . 1.107,124 7 . Life and Annuity Branches 484,798 ED. HOFFSCHLAEGER & CO., Agents fcr the Hawaiian Islands. 5C3wmar28tf Bone Meal! Bone Meal BONE MEAL, (WARRANTED PURKl.FKOM the Manufactory of BUCK fc ASHLAND ISA!) Francisco. Orders foi this Celebrated Fertilizer will now be received by the undersigned. Planters are requested to send their orders in early, so that there will be no delay iu having them filled In Imo for the planting season. Also, Super- Phosphates, A Floe Fertilizer for Cane. . Ordersreceived in quantities to suit. 2l-wtf WM.a.IRWIN & CO. .Agents. METROPOLITAN Meat Company, HI UINU STREET, Gr. J. WALLER, 'MANAGER. WHOLESALE AND KETAIL UTCHEES AND .Navy Contractors. MOTHER SE GEL'S OPERATING -FOR CONSTIPATION Sluggish Liver, KTC, ETC., ETC., LTNLIKK many kinds of cathartic nuMlurines, do not make you feel worse before you feel better. Their op eration is gentle, but thorough, and unattended with disagreeable effects, such as nausea, griping pains, etc. Seigel's Operating Pills are the best family physic that has ever been discov ered. They cleanse the bowels from all irritating substances, and leave them in a healthy condition. The best remedy extant for the bane of our lives constipation and sluggish liver. These Pills prevent fevers and all kinds of sickness, by removing all pois onous matter from the bowels. They operate briskly, yet mildly, without anv pain. If you take a severe cold, and are threatened with a fever, with pains in the head, back, and limbs, one or two doses of Seigel's Operating Pills will break up the cold and prevent the fever. A coated tongue, with a brackish tatte, is caused by foul matter in the stomach. A few doses of Seigel's Operating Pills will cleanse the stom ach, remove the bad taste, and restore the appetite, and with it bring good health. Oftentimes disease, or partially de cayed food, causes sickness, nausea and diarrhoea. If the bowels are cleansed from this impurity with a dose of Seigel's Operating Pills, these disa greeable effects will vanish, and good health will result. Seigel's Operating Pills prevent ill-effects from excess in eating or drink ing. A good dose at bedtime renders a person fit for business in the morning. These Pills, being sugar-coated, are pleasant to take. The disagreeable taste common to most pills is obviated. Fur Sale by all Chemists, Drtisrslsta and Medicine Vendors. PROPRIETORS: A J. IW1TI7 II. j -Li A 1.1 A A A JU I LONIDOISr, ENG. S. ROTH, MERCHANT TAILOR, 83 Fort St., Honolulu, II. I. 84-wtt HOLLISTER & CO., Druggists and Tobacconists, WHOLESALE AND RETAIL. 59 Nuuanu Street, and cor. Fort & Merchant 8ts 83 wtf B PILLS 1 UMITRn 11 111 I 1 1-111 XL. JflU Hi lilfl u.ll bam tUBLISIlEI JEY12RY DlOltXlH', Office, 4G and 48 Merchant Street, Hmnj THE ADVEETISEI Represents the Interests of the Politician, tlie MeivLam Planter, the Storekeeper, the Lawyer, tlie Workman, ai. f.ict, all CI; sses of the Community. THE ADVERTISER ILis for many years been noted for its Reports of LejisL Proceedings, Important Law Cases, etc. These are iec Verbatim when the importance of the occasion warrants it THE ADVERTISER Is a necessity to Every English. speaking Inhabitant i Kingdom who desires to keep pace with the times. THE ADVERTISER Is copious and prompt in the publication of Local W1 its readers are kept constantly posted as to the course off in other parts of the world, particularly in the Unittd Tie Wily Daily Edition, per annum per half year per month Pais Weekly Edition, per annum " 44 ' to Foreign Countries Pacific Commercial Advert THE JOB PRINTING Is replete with every requisite which modern i The Job Printing 3par Every descriptiou of BOOK WORK. Books and Hnk order. ' Prices are strictly moderate and will compare other office in the city. Mdvertis IS THE tiding; Haily owpam in; the o- -o- -:o.- i i 1 I L.J. J Is specially adapted for residents of tlie outljing portions of the group. 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