The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume], August 04, 1900, Page 11, Image 11

About The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921

Image provided by: University of Hawaii at Manoa; Honolulu, HI

                
THE PACIFIC COMJ.IEHCIAL AD VERTI8EB: AUGUST 4, 1900.
- - -
mV II M- U 1 1 III V-J'-N w-'.t
B ,1,. wntt I talt'i )- worldly;
,4 -hut I i' world n-v-r g..v-,
I "in ih rM each I 1-nl,
'j,',,,. UN "V
j nn lh aliora of tha It"!.
.p Id- 'tr-m in the gri.vp.."
S til I r,"rt '"f r'f"r'.
fnunl in. rati- who in
T. . .
I mi,t h human ir n-uvn.
autfht it Bt-ra liinW ni tin note;
trt''n inui or m- monni
, fl'lt l"'l H'MTU1"" nni TTI)-
ll h'-i "t " human.
I -,'" mi.l the rnaa-a or men.
r,t ion at an auar
-want vi'' r t ll m. nr inrn
(wit IM.t 4il'-y of Hllen.-
! fitr l mortal ken.
,H atint I f. nm.f In tht Valley?
mt ryi'4 'lir wnn tna. i'l-
,irnrn i. Kyan)
V llt'V "f Ull.ni- -
r '
i. m t I '
i. .1.
. .. . l.ll .,(
N..I I I I '"
aii.-i" ;i'M H ri:IY rmwn
vitlley
f.Mltta'
pit
SCOUTS IDKA OK COMFORT.
ttl' d In MM-ourl ami Found He
CoiiM Nut Get Enough to Eat.
a i I '' '
. w . . . it . i.. .
. ,.n' my ii''r " .
. i n4 tpntrv
fr,ii.. my
. i "
t.f tllil'4
..I with thlr
, V f T'l M'ea
Ha.
..I Hi Hi ( f th Holy.
v,n ni" viiliw iil:
lu.
irmip frnitt lln i-thp) of my
,,-."My li'urt nlmll i. Ihlnr.
t.k hm I It y. In thr vulU-y?
p. mill I ilr.'tm, n I J'ruy,
mil r pW"t Mil th itcMr
fill on ili f'".'i In Mny:
irvr lih ptTfumw from
l. lit in i)n nlpjM itn, cl.tv.
iiii of l'i VV,f of H I.Tii c
., th pxin that ulnar;
mi'nii' Hipi4 ilnwn th dim y.l-
h flniln a, worl for m win
War1, ill liyp of !! (!'
of !. ih.y mity tirlnir.
i thu ilwn th'r aro Mtlnwa
Li pvf ah nl irpttk) on th h-a.h:
It.'ar l px.na) In t h nlvnr
ki iwr ihitll float lnli pch;
hi ilrMma In lh vlly
kfiy fur ltiiwa: t r-fiwh.
""'"i Ihmtiia In thu vail, y
h. my rj.i r 1 1 wna ailrr.
r arholy vvila on Ihrlr f,i.-r-.
iH.ui..p cm) pxurc-ly ho hrrl,
MainMimh ih ytllny ih lrirlnt
p f fi.f Km tmi, n of it wor i:
ik mm i h.. ,.,,.,, of i.,i vniL yr
''"t urn hurrownl ,y ,.r.
fir hrtw.n ntniintHlttpt,
i"l n. Ml4 aitK.'U aro thrrr;
'''"''irki mount of Borrow,
thi. .ris,t moimt.ti., ,,f
w . that vmr r..v.
Wh n Jlrn V.rUigmr, Ih famous iicout
f th j'UIn. fcrw old, he thought he
iouM IIKn to retire from the some
what ariluou f of a plainsman and
a It I d'ttmn to th raw of the East
which mrant to him Missouri. Ho he
u-'I hla best eniL'ttvor to finl a com
patent man to tk hln place and went
hitrk to Mlaamirl. A year or two paas
"I, and one day Captain Huaaell. the
romman.ljnt of the pnt which nrldger
hM1 lipft, was aurprl.l to ee the old
aront h-ave In sight. When he came
In the captain aaked: '
"Well, ItrtcadlT, what hringa you
hiuk here?
"Captain." said Trldger. "I want to
to hack to scouting a naln."
"Indeed? Why, I thought you had
arttled down In th" East for the rest
of your life'
"Well, tap'n, I'll tell you how It K
I went IW k to ol't Miaoo'jrl, and If
you'll b?i:ive It, they've got a railroad
atatlon within t-n mile o' the old
place 'yes, sir, a railroad station. And
what's more, they've got a ranch now
In every four mile. I Ml you what
cap'n. the air nln't pure down there no
more."
"N that ponaibla-? I'.ut I thought
you'd Ilk the good things to eat they
have down there you like Rood things
to ent, I remember."
C.oo.1 thlngi to eat! Why, cap'n. I
didn't have a t.r'Ilel braver tall the
whole time I was there!"
Tm: chinksi: household.
CHINESE NATIONAL HYMN. ;
When Natives Want to Sing This They
" Take a Day Off.
It takes a day to sing: the Chinese na
tional hymn. . Sometimes people over
there say: "Let's take a day off and
enjoy the hymn." Hut they don't say
it often. It's hard to keep Up enthu
siasm for a twelve hour stretch.
Of course they start In cheering voclf-
urni at I v o ml t V on Ihau aaB n-.atitn
' . .
ami prow noarse anu iook at me
docks, and lo! It's only half an hour
since the blame thing: began! And there
are places further on where they ought
' to Just pet up and yell,, and they
j haven't the strength to do It, and prob
,ably they fH asleep long before the
': grand patriotic climax la reached.
You can't expect to find much Fourth
jo' July Inspiration In a people with a
j ditty of that sort. And think of the
strain on the singers and the tomtom
jmtrs! Think of putting a dozen hours
on steady run -of "hlyahs-chlng-a-rinR-!
a-chi-yahs!" and no lot up for either
I breath or chopsticks! And whacking a
tin pan all the time, too!
Think of going to a little evening out
ttnd having the hostess say: , "Mis Pe
i keo of the Shanghai conswuvatwah
will now favor us with the national
hymn."
Is It any wonder the Chinese have
failed to understand the meaning of
good government? A national hymn ot
those dimensions would be apt to sour
anybody but a deaf paralytic on the
bst government that ever existed.
way. that was extremely ludicrous, as
he intended it should be.
The Jury returned a verdict of $1,000
in ten minutes.
As Gridley and Lincoln were rrosfJnn-
STORIES OF LINCOLN
As a boy In the early '50s I remember
Abraham Lincoln w hen he used to come
Into our part of Illinois to practice law
In tlit courts of Logan, Tazewell, Mc
Lean and Woodford counties. It was
before the days of railroads, and the
lawyers, like everybody else, had to
travel by private conveyance. As the
roads w ere usually muddy In the spring
and fall about term time, they came to
the county seats on horseback. Court
opened on Monday, and this made it
necessary for the attorneys to reach
the town on Sunday. They would
come straggling in all afternoon and
after getting into clean clothes put in
me eenins telling stories. It was a
sight for gods and men to soe Lincoln,
the most ungainly horseman on the
each one of them. Lincoln and Gridley
crossed the common together, and as
they walked along the former said,
"That was a fine speech, Grid." Grid
ley looked up as though he resented
the. familiarity, and replied, "Thank
you, Abe, thank you." On the opposite
side of the common was the sway-back
old travern with its swinging sign or
I raveiers' Kest," and a big red pump
and watering trough at the side of the
and asked, in a patronizing n
"Grid, how was that for high?" "Oh.
you go to " said Gridley.
There was a charivari over In- the
eastern part of our county one time,
and in the mixup the groom shot a
man. He was arrested for assault with
intent to kill. Lincoln defended him.
Twenty witnesses were examined and
they swore to the same condition of.
facts. They were all there, participat
ing in the fracas, having a good time,
making all the fun and noise possible
door. Gridley ' strode past the smiling and using firearms, tin pans and a mis
landlord as though it was a condescen
sion to come under his root, and went
into the dining room. Lincoln mo
tioned 10 the landlord and the two
went upstairs together. Gridley minc
ed a little at this and that dish, and
cellaneous collection of hardware,in the
business. It was a clear case. Liaeoln
asked a few apparently unimportant
questions and then let it go at that. His
client could, not conceal his cnagrin
and disappointment. The verdict was
guilty with a fine of $300 and a thirty
I Presently came out into the barroom, days' sentence in the county Jail. Then
gianceu patronizingly at tne crowd,
(fKNEUAL MILKS ON GOOD ROA
General Nelson A. Miles tells the
story of an old teamster out West who
was driving over a very rough road in
tlu llocky mountains shortly after the
U'-ronlmo campaign. He had the gen
eral for a passenger. The wagon was
an old prairie schooner, without springs
or cushions, and the general was vainly
attempting to fall asleep.
"llut there was no sleep for me on
that trip." says General Miles, "for the
old rascal drove over every bowlder
In the road; In fact, he seemed to be
doing it purposely. Finally I became
j Interested and began to count the num
! ber of rocks over whic h the w heel of
th wagon passed or which they struck
iSudcnly to my consternation he missed
one a huge bowlder In the middle of
th roadway.
" 'Whoa! Hey!' I
i i.ck up!'
"He quietly followed my Instructions,
scming to be not at all surprised by
them. When he had his wagon In the
proper position I said: 'Now, drive
over the rock, confound 3'ou! It's the
only one you've missed.'
"Without so much as a glance in my
direction, he replied: 'Cert, pard.
Never noticed It. Ain't got a chew
about yer?
"I got out and walked the remain
ing eight miles."
General Miles used this story as an
argument for the construction of the
great transcontinental highway, which
' is tttlng advocated by automobllists
land cyclists throughout the country.
planet, with his plug hat and six feet .afterward Lincoln came down st.-ii
four, ami Judge Gridley, the diminu- and it was noticed that he had on an-
and went back- to the court house. Soon
rs.
tlve and pompous fop with hla four feet
six, riding side by side through the
mud, bespattered from head to foot. j
The set of urchins to which I belong
ed was brought up in the most approv
ed Calvlnlstlc faith, which used to
mean that from about the break of
day until dark on Sunday the religious1
exercis.-s were a continuous perform
ance. It was not so much of a cross to
other suit of clothes. They were of tlie
same general appearance as his own,
.but were of the shabby-genteel variety,
and furthermore, fitted him with alacl
ty in places. He made some casual re
mark to the landlord about the room
cuitlng him much better than the one
he had the night before, and went in to
dinner. He ate everything in sight
and called for more, asking no ques
tions and wasting no time. Then he
Lincoln had the whole twenty witnesses
arrested for disturbing the pace and
secured fines enough from the " half
coming to the complaining witness
his client to pay his fine and set him
up at housekeeping. As Lincoln con
gratulated him he said: . "You've got
money to pay your fine and a nice wad
besides and a nice wife and only thirty
days in Jail if you don't like it, I'll take
the Job off your hands."
In October, 1856, Lincoln made a
speech of four hours at Lacon. He
eluded the committee of reception and
came up town alone in the omnibus.
When he reached the business part of
the town a company of ladies surround
ed the bus and began to 'quarrel as to
hear in winter time, for durinc th rp. t-nmo. nut intn tht. horrnnm r.o.itri I ea tr,e dus and oegan 1
who should entertain the guest. Of
cried. 'Hack up:
A Chln-s- household 1- a community
of whl h th parrnts are the head, over
which' th mother rulea with a rod of
iron. Each son must bring hla wife to
Mm mother's house upon his marriage,
and he mutt remain there with his
growing family. Until she is fortunate I
enough to becom the mother of a son
the position of the daughtcr-tn-taw is
that of a menial and under-servant.
When guests are received she must al
low hr moth-r-ln-.aw to take prrc-"l-nc-
In all thing-. She will not seat
heraeif until her eld-r relative Is com
fortahl and she never speaks until the
mother-in-law has had the first word.
I think It must have been In China
that the time-honored joke on the es
teemed lady was first thought of. Here
he Is evidently supreme.
Th great majority of Chinese worn- j -
en can neither read nor write. They i Th u- of horseilesh as food Is a
are hemmed In by walls of the court 'subject which has been brought' Into
which they s-ldom lavs and tho range 'prominence of late owing to the neces
of Ideas I- consequently narrow. It Is i sales to which th beleaguered gar
dirrtcult for a stranger who tinder- j rlsons In South Africa have been re
atanda the l.tn gunge to converse with I duced. It Is, therefore, a matter of
them. Even the servant girt question J Keneral Interest that certain butchers
WAIi FAMINj: HAS CAUSKD IT.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN.
3rra xebroary 12, 1S00; died April 13, ISC".
vlval season we had plenty of visits
from the preachers and the fare wa.
pleasantly to this one and that, patted
us boys on the head, and went back
better and we managed to-stand them to the court house picking his teeth
oft -ome wav in resrard to our views with his Jackknife,
of a ru.,r .it iv intimating that I W'hen court reconvened Lincoln
Till-.,.!- rnn.1 no..rh for th nvor- alked down ln front ot the JUr bOX
l'i '. M j i m- rtr,
"" thN .lull wiirl.l t.rlM lit .
nr nm, dtnrmt flc-rco vry
1 .Ini'tn of n'M;
I'irt of (:lh' ,.,
r I '! iln I'm I- i ii.., i ..
f.tr
Mil l a fl.
y
i lw ih..
'"I.
"" f. lr... h ,i.r
'I W'lly b.'n. tfi. Illy proud
M In h,r rh,ili.' f g,; '
"' m a rt of IS...I'. .r-m t,.,n.
111 iv.. a4 w- ., ,
"tt m.-rr.ly r..rtt t. pl.ty.
' U- a ai:v..r thra.l.
" " In ami out nil .y
y" n'lwv. ..,..n h-n,
m --iinw, . i ni ,nilt y
'". trt of f...'w grmt , ,
tm m, ,lM., ,h- wnk,nt
'lmi.
it not ib oittaMe among mem.
Th guest will be asked her age and
the obb-r she Is the more admirable
will she appear In the eyes of her cn-tertaln-ra,
for youth In China Is no,
entitled to much respect Any
llarltles In the guest's attire will be
carefully noted and all that she pos
rir will be extravagantly praised.
Th Chinese lady of good birth Is
never sn outside the house without a
chaperon s.a It la considered a breicn
of pr,,t,''lr'ty. ,r,s ot the stigmas rt
tuchrd to the name of the present
downier empress Is a tradition that she
one- went out on the street alone to
purchase some cake of which shJ wu
v-ry fund.
in San Francisco have been detected in
using the flesh of the horse as a sub
stitute for beef In the manufacture or
sJusages and other viands. There is
nothing unwholesome In using the flesh
of such a clean feeding animal as the
horse, but it Is rightly considered that
it should not be foisted upon con
sumers In place of. more expensive
meats. In many Continental countries
the sale of horseflesh for human food
is considerable; and the butchers are
licensed; and the animals are killed
under proper sanitary conditions. The
New York Medical Journal points out
that It Is comparatively easy to detect
the presence of horse meat even in
such small quantities as S per cent.
The suspected meat Is boiled for about
!an hour in a small quantity of water.
I hlcli la n rtcrvn nl ritliiced !v pvatmr.
It was Mr. Whlttler who said that no 1 ation. cooled and filtered. To this!
matter how ol 1 one got there were two liquid a few tlropsi of compound Iodine
.MUM ever open' to him-Joy In the , 0utll,n (one part iodine and twelve
m.itg-of the poets and Joy In the sum-j jta-sk- Iodide !n one hundred
mT. I Int on may go further than .vl . , .
Iht. Mr. Whlttler didn't s.iy It. but It rt ot ter Is added, when a fugi
m nev-rthelesa evident to ail who have tlve red violet coloration Indicates the
begun to exprl-nce such things, that presence of horse meat,
not until one has passed his first youth
Sl'MMKIfH URAUTIEfl.
'" l rulnciin full.
rr Ul Nl atrsne thin.
1 ' ru H't of Oo.l n
1 ut,M , .,,, , ..
"'""I ailnll.. ..i.it . .
n tt,- ... a ion a:
la ha r.rlv UmitpiI In r-llah thea lovs In
full. Ka;cciiiUy Is this true of s im
mer, but in outsider, then you look;
wtnlrln1y and admiringly upo-i It j
TWAIN AT Till: TELEPHONE.
age fellow. Cut in the fishing season
of spring and fall to have foreordina
tion and predestination and universal
damnation drummed into a tender
youth from morning till night
is fatiguing and makes him want
to go off somewhere. And so
it may be easily understood
what a treat it was to Jump the game
over at the sanctuary and break for
the tavern to hear Lincoln tell stories.
He and Gridley were great cronies and
always were putting up Jobs on each
other. It is a mistake to think that
Lincoln was not up to the tricks of the
profession. He has been deified to such
an extent that It will not be surprising
If the next generation or two is called
upon to believe some such fake as the
cherry tree story at Mount Vernon. I
remember one time when he was re
tained In a damage suit how he tricked
Gridley and got a verdict in about ten
minutes. A widow had sued the coun
ty commissioners for damages for
I locating a road through her farm,
i Gridley was employed to assist the
county attorney and the widow retain
ed Lincoln when she found out that the
stripling of an official had such emi
nent counsel to manage the case.
When the case was called Lincoln
made a preliminary statement and
and Its process; then you can feel and , for), c'or.n., Mark
your-if, and this very fact prevents j. i tv,
you from observing It disinterestedly. . rn'n d' P ,n h
While living at his home at Hart-
Twain was one
e composition or
. . i . . .
Itm rnkflti ami f-l tha vpara m rm nut Borne iiunioi i-iii inim which lie e-i'ei-t.-
tlng you outside this enchanted limit, "l a god deal, when he was called to
when you are no longer a p.rt of sum-', the telephone. He told the servant to
mer, but an outsider, then you look ' receive the message and bring it to
upon Itihli.i. but In a few moments was in
truly formed that the party at the other end
and spread the map in evidence across
the railing, and this was his speech:
"Gentlemen of the Jury: I've heard
Judge Gridley for a good many years.
and always knew he was a fine talker,
but I never heard him do as well as he
did to-day; positively, I didn't think it
was in him. The only criticism I might
lx; captious enough to make is that he
didn't touch the subject from first to
last. This Isn't a question of oratory,
This isn't the Fourth of July. It Isn't
Christmas; it isn't even a campmeet-
ing. It's Just a common dull time be
tween all these occasions of oratory
and exhortation. Wrhen it comes righto
down to the facts of the case this map
can holler louder than any of era
While Judge Gridley was prancing be
fore the king, I was thinking that the
haste of the old fellow went by fits and
starts. What's the use of talking liftily
about the tremendous interests lnvolv
ed in this road If you don't keep it up?
Wrhen the king gets to going he ought
n't to be hindered. Look at the map
and see the way they bother him.
When his highway comes to Jesse
Hammer's farm they make it go
around on the outside lines. The same
way when it comes to Alden Kanney's
farm: the same way at Isaac -Joys
farm.
If it's a question of getting produce
course each one was pleading with Lin
coln to go home with her, and mean
while, he sat in the vehicle waiting his
fate like a martyr. At last they agreed
to leave it to the guest himself. "What
do you want, Mr. Lincoln?" said one
of the most fetching of the party. "My
dinner," said Lincoln. Then he thank
ed them all kindly, shook hands and
went to a hotel.
It was a very cool day but there were '
5,000 people In the crowd and it was
necessary to hold the meeting in the
open air. A platform- had been built
against the lee side of the sourthouse
and a window removed so that the
speakers would have access to a red hot
stove inside the building. Wrhen Lin
coln appeared he was dressed in a suit
or 'alpaca! -Owen Loveioy was on the
platform dressed as if it were midwin-
ter. He kept his fur cap on his head
and sat with his chin buried in a fur
cape and his hands encased in a pair
of immense yarn mittens.
Lincoln commenced by saying. "It is
a raw day for this time of the vear "
Then he looked at Eovejoy and laughed
and the neverybody laughed. Then Lin
coln walked a step or two forward ancr
said: The Democrats have been mak
ing a lot of fun of us for the smallness
of our numbers. They have been so
ungallant as to say that we were simply
a passel of fanatical abolitionists. In
looking around on this, vast audience
I have come to the unanimous conclu
sion that abolitionism has Hz." Then
even the Democrats laughed. Then he
said : "They tell us that it won't do to
elect Fremont to the presidency be
cause the Union will be dissolved. This
perennial howl about the instability of
the Union reminds me of a scrape a lot
of lawyers got Into about the Wabash
last spring. It had been raining like
sin for a month and the streams, werer
out ot their banks. These men were
on their way to attend court. They
came to a great stream that looked
like it would certainly drown everv
mother's son of them. It was raging
and making a big noise. The water was
awful muddy and the situation looked
appalling. I do not remember whether
they made it a subject of nraver. but
being lawyers I presume they did. At
any rate they drew lots for the sacri
fice and the one on whom the fate had
fallen rolled up his breaches and waded
in to test the depth of the raging tor
rent, vvnen tie got to the middle it was
just knee deep! So, I think this cry
about the dissolution of the Union wiil
prove to be about knee deep." Then th
chin went out and the crowd hnwld.
Lincoln revised his judgment lour
years later.
WHEN GREEK MEETS GREEK.
Diogenes was putting a front knocker
on his tub, when a maiden passed by,
and then hesitated, and at length
stopped.
"What ho, Annides!" he said, pausing
in his work.
"I give you good day, Diogenes!" she
said, a pretty blush mantling to her
cheek. L
"You are the first person I've seen
this morning willing to give so much,"
he quoth. i
"Indeed, but you are welcome! No
one in au the wide world la welcome to
aught that I can give half so much as
yourself.
'And what do you know or the wide
world, Annides?" he asked her, spring
ing on to the roof and sitting there.T
cross-legged.
"Nothing as yet but that it holds you -
- r,,,,h to Ma f.-rt. wonderlngly and admiringly
.it f h,"rt "ttl" son and Its processes; then you can
Vi,,, ' " " """drntiaj sweet; ftt and comprehend Its beauties.
II .1,. .... .. "."r.n.rn'xn-m Is but natursl. Th principle that
-M-notr..! K -".V:.1,!-' lighten as they tak their fl
r,nl handshake
1 IT
, t'n'"'" ner own
" hundrtJ. of
tif i,U n,,mt ths ahak.
v.," ""n 's the i
n'i an I-i...i .. . in.,.
I1' " avldrntly learned
" ami preaervt her
This
bless-
lght
r still doing business at the old stand.
Hut, whatever th cause, this apprecia
tion of summer Is on of the compensa
tions of sge, and Is not vouchsafed to
thoaa ait 11 1 In the midst of their flowers
and songs.
Hi. i. ' r "wn bout elbow
i 'ii
Wilt: KM Til Kill THOUGHTH DI-VKllGKD.
fount man." said th long, lean
Intlant 1 .. UH I V m i.nltin plntkaa P1 A
nnHi' 7. ln n almost - ,ou -ver pause and think that each
of the wire wanted him. Provoked at
he Interruption, Mark went to the
telephone, and. after "helloing" for
some time without an answer, he used
some language not generally seen in
print, but which was certainly pic
turesque. While thus engaged he heard
an answer In astonished tones and rec
Jognlzed the voice of an eminent divine
w horn he knew very well. "Is that
jyou, doctor?" questioned Mr. Clemens.
. "I didn't hear w hat you said. My but
jler has been at the telephone and said
he couldn't understand you."
and me. Diogenes." she said, the blush
submitted a map In evidence. Gridley , market Dy the shortest and quickest mantling higher, and her bright eyes
S fa. - - - ,1 ...lt--l-,-l--.--- .al-. nATt.nvlr sv 1tiV.a f-ll 1 -T
looKeu ui it coniempiuousiy anu in nut. , ol,- v.rt rrnri atralsrht? BIItlucu u lawnwavt ". r
M J S-ml.- f W - v -
It could have gone diagonally through
these farms on better ground than was
given it and been that much shorter.
If the king didn't appreciate the society
of his hogs on the way to market why
did he do like the old Wabash farmer
no objection. Lincoln rested and waiv
ed any remarks "except possibly a
word or two in summing up." Then
Gridley took the floor and sailed In.
He was dead sure of his game. Vain
as a peacock, he was dressed to kill.
The courtroom was packed and from
the start It was plain to be seen that an(j take the longest road to get there? don't you?"
..... . . ... . . . nn i I In ' not
a pretty picture was she with her dress
cut antique, so that her shapely leg on
the off side peered through and to.d
that as yet stockings and lingerie had
not been invented.
"Annides," he said.
"Yes." she answered shyly.
You know me for a grumpy old man,
he was playing to the crowd.
He spoke of the duty of the citizen
to the state; his property must con
tribute taxes for its Bupport; under a
stress of circumstances it might be
confiscated; even the life of the citizen
might be required ln Us defense. Here
was a great thoroughfare from the
metropolis on the lake to the capital ot
When this road got to the farm of Dea
r.n Kverett It mieht have gone catty
mrnriii through his farm on a ridse
a n.i t.n on a straight line from the
metropolis on the lake to the capital of
a great commonwealth, but you can t
see that it was in any hurry, can you?
Well, that's my fix. Now the taxpayers
f thia fonntv will remember that It
costs more than $300 to avoid this good
rnnta ami take the Door one in order
directly Into th-! moment nearer th gTaftr
H't- h r . l"fn -ldrty .tick of ths clock brings you another
L" Nrvtn k lnl in , moment nearer th g
r "nt on. I If mlln. I "I was thinking of
Mrrviit. ..wUr,,r,J Kind this mornlnr.-
" ,ht thJ , , n th enn" th rng man wltr
"a i,, tlcp,t y"n ."only ths Idea struck
w-tlnY tncerrly en- brought payday that
k-J sf nAwa Aa. . m
lrr "furs Vnu M-l-w. .
C 1 frrin-.eB-. ..
f'ta,.. "r.Wht that for?
a.u.i 1 "Mr Pol-on-
f you?"
TTi.
Wf'l:iLr, OUTKANKKD.
"I was thinking of something of that
cheerfulry replied
rith the red necktie.
me that each tick
much closer."
" loodness for
ra
f-,r ti.-i. s oeen iaia up v
lor IS a W ,l ,,ck ,n Hiatter?" "Th
with a 1 hAvt t0 b ufferin from an oi
FflQn aw . V aa a,
TOO BOUND.
"I see you're advertising for a ly.
How ll I do?'
"Tou look all rihL How ar your
teeth?"
"My teth? They'rs perfectly sound.
You can look at 'tm."
"Yes, X se-. Well, yon woa't &x I
want a boy who will Us rvrt of his
pay In d-ntal work."
"Kkinner cot ft bill
for his wlfvs automoblls drive, and
he's been Ul.1 up tver lc. hafs
doctor says n is
CTrchrft of el
rench." ,trlcity."-Uf-.
The Standard Evening Post guaran
tees the following to be the latest anec
dote about Mark Twain: "Mark Twain
has been living quietly in England for
some time now, and were It not that he
appeared to give evidence before a
royal commission on the question of
copyright, scarcely a soul outside his
prlvatt and particular friends would
havs known he was there at alL The
other -evening he was dining at the
house ot a friend, and seated next to
him was an American who had only
that day reached England. They were,
of course, talking war, and the new
comer, wishing to know the feeling In
England In the matter of the future of
the Transvaal, asked Mark Twain how
he found public sentiment ln England
regarding the Independence of the re
public. 'Well.' said the genial humorist.
a great commonwealth over which tQ keep on tne outer unes of this man's
traffic was to pass forever. It must go farm. The road had to be wharfed up
by the most direct route. As ln the through a frog pond so that the king
days of sacred writ, so in these later wouldn't be leg deep ln mud. It Wg-
tlmes, the klng' business requires zagged around the farms of on var-
. . . - . . mi.p anri Daron Rouse in tne same
haste, anu mus not be delayed v nat -- cam to the farm ot
were a few paltry acres of land to the my c,ient it got In a hurry; the king's
interests of a great people? It was a Klien(,Sa renuired haste so they cut
reasonable service to contribute the
way for this vast artery of trade, and
the citizen ought to esteem it a privi
lege. He spoke for an hour.' and there
was applause when he sat down and
wiped the perspiration from his face
and smiled complacently at Lincoln.
Then Lincoln unwound his legs and
straightened himself up and said. "If
the court please. I'm hungry, and will
ask that we have a recess for dinner."
The crier adjourned court, and the
crowd scattered over the village.
For once ln his life Lincoln had on a
across lots and threw her neias into
awkward shapes and her cornfields into
point rows, and took a lot more than
necessary of her land, and made her
build extra fencing, and all benii-e she
was a woman and couldn't v -i, and
fight for her rights. It's all w - it's
iinin.t- it'a cruel, and you u iitemc-n
are sitting here to weigh the f . : is ar.d
do right by her. and I believe i will.
If I was disposed to appeal to your
prejudices and talk loftily ab-ut the
sacrifices the citizens should rrake for
the protection and honor of itt state,
I might remind you that this defence
i... n-Am-ai haa civen more for its
v viitc ail ill- 1 1 i IT xiiiUUtll liau v - - . - v. Von
stylish suit of clothes, and they fitted glory than all , these rlct i men ,-she has
him reasonably well. This may have
caused a certain nervousness which
was observable while Gridley was ad
dressing the Jury. . lie sat eyeing the
Oh! not grumpy to me; only clever,
and magnificent, and grand, and no
ble." "Enough. I see you know me. My
pretty one, you have something to say
to me. -
"I have," and she bent her head so
low that he sprang from the top of his
tub, and going to her, took her chin,
and. lifting it, kissed the full red lips,
and then again, like one who knew the
brand and appreciated it.
"Tell me all, sweet one," he said.
"That house of yours." she began.
"Well?" he said encouragingly.
"Two couldn't live ln It,' 8he said.
"Halloa!" he cried tenderly.
"But my father has a tub twice as
big, and he has made it my marriage
portion."
Oh, Diogenes, oh! Annides. Halloa!
halloa! halloa!
"This," said the man who was show
ing the visitors about the office of the
metropolitan dally, "is the copy read
ers room. It is the place where the
matter sent ln for publication is boiled -down
to the right dimensions."
"Does that make It warm?" giggled
one of the' young women.
"No," he replied. "But the men who
write the stuff get pretty hot over It
sometimes." Chicago Tribune.
"What a pretty new shirt waistl"
he exclaimed, as he tried to press a
wrinkle out of it with his arm. Tm
twelve farmers, who rnuld not conceal
the Other day j 'I find the English are paraphrasing a their admiration for the eloquent
part of the burial service. They are all flights of Gridley. and one watching
quietly repeating. "Mr. Gladstone glv- him closely and seelnsr the wrinkles
eth and the Lord Salisbury hath taken that came to his face would have con-
Viti An the nlains of Mexico; but I
n-rm't mv anvthins: about that." With
the last sentences Lincoln had risen to
his full height and ms manner ""-! . . ,ik h ald" shyly. "Wait
chanced from the tone of pleasantry ead you line it, sne saia snyiy. .
cnangea iruiii v c k minute " h snifflne the air: "I
and conversation iu uo- w.t - : - f
solemnity and earnestness which made smell something burning. i-on i d?
an impression that could be felt all alarmed, Fred." she said, drawing the
over the house, but when he came to arrn tighter about her which he ha'JC.
the last woras m eyes inan..c .s. almost removed: "It's this new wai'i.
t,a hu ion, lank, hungry chin went almost removeu. u
away. Blessed be the name of the eluded that he was trying to figure out and his long. lank, hungry chin went , m(?s,f 7 .
Lor1-" 'whore he had been acquainted with out over the rail of the jurybox in a,1 Bot u at coi
er's fire sale to-day."