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AUSTIN'S HAWAIIAN WEEKLY.
ii ! I Wit and Humor. Correspondent sends another curious epitaph to be found in Illinois: "Thou'rt gone, my husband, to the better land. Vainly I look for another in thy place to stand." AAA Up to date: "We are going to have the most realistic missionary sermon at our church next Sunday." "Indeed." "Yes, in deed ; the church is to be decorated with rifles and Gatlings." Indian apolis Journal. AAA Curiosity: "What's your pur pose here?" asked the savage. "We're going to civilize you," answered the white man who had just landed. "Ah I What method do you use Springfield, Lee-Met-ford, or Krag-Jorgensen ?" Washington Star. AAA "Why does he make all those motions with his arm before he pitches the ball?" "Those are sig nals to the catcher. The two men always work in concert." "Dear me! Is that the 'concert pitch' I've heard about so often?" Chicago Tribune. AAA "Did the investigation annoy you?" "Not much," answered the practical politician, who had just been on the witness-stand; "it puzzles me a little now and then to decide whether I should say, 'I decline to answer' or 'I don't re member.' " Wdshington Star. AAA Once upon a time a beggar im portuned a lawyer for alms. "Let me give you some valuable ad vice," said the lawyer. " T'd rather you sold the advice and gave me the proceeds." ventured the beggar, trying not to seem forward or ob trusive. Detroit Journal. AAA The austere judge looked down upon the young woman who was accused of complicity in holding up !the overland mail train. "Um. So you robbed the mails, did you?" he i remarked; "well, you're not the first woman who has done that." Colorado Springfield Gazette. AAA "Voluntary? What's that?" says Sam. "Whv," said Milly, "It's a hymn that the choir, or somebody iii it, shirs of their own accord, without the preacher givin' it out; itist like your tomatoes come up in the spring, voluntary, without your plantin' the seed. That's the wav thev do in the citv churches." AAA A gentleman in a rural district drew down upon his head a storm of adverse criticism by marrviner a second wife shortly after the demise of his first. Two of those good ladies who look generally upon the surface of things, and who are over ready with condemnation, were dis cussing the disgraceful affair. "Why, my dear, there's his poor wife hardly cold in her grave, and he goes and marries another." "Dreadful!" declared the other, "I never heard of such a thing." "I i should think not, indeed," went on number one angrily, "marrying wife after wife like that why the man's a regular polyglot!" Comhill Magazine. AAA John Ruskin, in answer to the question, "When does the educa- , tion of a child begin?" replied: "At six months old it can answer smile with smile, and impatience with im patience. It can observe, enjoy and suffer acutely, and, in a meas ure, intelligently. Do you sup pose it makes no difference to it that the order of the house is per fect and quiet, the faces of its father and mother full of love and even those of strangers loving, or that it is tossed from arm to arm, among hard or reckless or- vain minded persons, in the gloom of a vicious house or the confusion of a gay one?" b J AAA At the licensing session held in a certain west-country town re cently, the chairman, dealing with the statutory limit for bona fide travelers and getting his express ions a little mixed, referred to it as being "three miles as the 'flo cries.' " A limb of the law who was engaged in the case ventured to correct his worship. With a defer ential smile, this exponent tried to amend the phrase; "Your worship means as the 'fly crows' or ra ther," he added hastily, "as the 'cry flows!'" No one was sufficiently rash to make a further attempt. AAA "America." Rev. S. F. Smith, the author of "America," was born in Boston October 21, 1808. He was a graduate of Harvard and a classmate of Oliver Wendell Holmes. Dr. Holmes wrote of Dr. Smith: "And there's a nice youngster of excellent pith; Fate tried to conceal him by nam ing him Smith. Uut he shouted a song for the brave and the free, Just read on his medal, 'My Country, of Thee." North and South sang his hymn, even during the war. It was one of the things that separation could not take away from either, and, when the war was over, helped to draw them together again. THE HAWADAI H8TBL "That's a Canadian dime. I can.t take that," said the post-office clerk. The child looked at the re jected coin, and then at her un stamped letter perplexedly. "Here's a dime I'll change with you," said a young woman stand ing by. "Oh, thank you!" said the little one gratefully,' "I ran all the way to get mamma's mail in in time and it would have been too late if T had had to go back." "How thoughtful that was," I said to myself. "How few people, comparatively, would have both ered to do that for a child; and yet how little it costs and how much it often means." HOTEL STREET, HONOLULU. " . .",Il"W 1 ITnnnwniiiMillMllMBir 1 fiPTll"l"MiVwnr 1 r Sa"Mgg"g"JraMMBjMMfl"M" The grounds upon which it stands comprise an entire square fronting on Hotel Street. There are twelve pretty cottages within this charming enclosure, all under the Hotel management. The Hotel and cottages afford accommoda tions for two hundred guests. MUMM'S THE WORD- Imports of Champagne into the United States from Jnnunry 1st, to Oct. 1st, 1898. . . . G. H. MUMM & CO.'S (Extra Dry.) 57,910 cases Moet & Clinndon 24,103 " Pommery & Greno 19,226 " Heidsieck & Co. (Dry Monopole) 8,830 " 1 ouis Roedorer 5.451 " 20 other brands 34,960 " Total 150 480 cases Macfarlane Co., Ltd. Sole Agents. ll' The Vessels of this Line con sist of the New and Mag nificent Steamers MARIPOSA, 3000 Tout. ALAMEDA, 8000 Tons. MOANA, 4000 Tout. Carrying Her Majesty's Mails be tween San Fkancisco, Auckland and Sydney, Every Four Weeks, and Touching Each Way at Honolulu AND THK FINh Steamer A.TTS'ras.A-X-iX.A., 2,600 TONS. Running Direct Between San Francisco and Honolulu Every Fourth Week. J. D. SPRECKELS&BR0S..C0 General Ageiil, Freleht Department, 927 Market Street. S. K, I'asseiiirerB Department, 114 Mont gomery Street, S.F, WILLIAM G. IRWIN & CO., LD. General Agents. Honolulu, H. I.