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VOL VIII. - - BENTON, MONTANA SATURDAY, MAY 26, 1883. NO ............... I ..... ........ . . .,....,.r.Q r T OFiR. " i..ER . I sive bhtnTt o. mnaF-.h i .T n , , .a but-.. ,' .N O . 44.. .. ! BROOK LYN'S IATEST SCANDAL. A Friend of Beecher and a Mem- i ber of Plymouth Church D)own in the Dark Depths. Miscellaneous Misery. A domnest i scandal of great i'nlp')rt.lIce hascreatet; aunti lhet uor i lt torrnado in tihe ,ontgrl g ta of 'ly m:.iu h ehlr,., :t..d the evie 4 cltt =' wef V kr s IIow ill sight are :t rtliited I .enie, an exasperated hnisbatnd, an angry antd d(t iltnt wife(, :ald a :$1(;00,0(0 Snit ag:tains tie :ll gel seiducer. the husband is Eli Johnson, formerly of Chicago, who I lost an incomle of $1.000 a week by the (iUnicag fire, and was afterward chosen to tlitburse the $20),000 contributed by Ciii c'inuiiati. During tht entire war hle was a . eIlrilt,l. of the X tcutiLive' ,rulllnn ittiee i: the t (;il.t.i i:tlarlie lt t un, tht. l:tre.,t Sit ,a::Lv s5h'4.1 l i', to, [t ' Ii I t1 .catt's, leavit` t s w ith n e .ll ln 1 r. , l,.,, .'"y w orth $.-it,- tl '00.( 11, tr., e- hip uncoo'ry back to Vil- 1 ii nl the t'nt t Iuror n i t:" pat" rl'tl , :ld. ti Ltothe Earl ,t Shitft-hit yn thyll te nlatternal i side. (O)i la ie he Itts beert a lnt perantce A lectuier. le hats crossi' t the oceanlt four b times t oulecturint tmirs. and the Earl of ti Slaftt-lry htas presided at his meeting in Loidontts.: s. Johlt:son is a nice looking w'o.tlalt, whlo wa' -5 lil' in Ohio, and was mnrried to Mr. Johnson il Indi ua in 1858, according to the Quaker rite. The u alleged serpent in the family is Mir. Henry A. ligley, a wea:illih povision dealer, a titemtber of the produce exchange and the Ne\vw York reptresentative of M. S. Nichols ti antd Rtobert Linildohlri & Co., of Chicago. lf' lives ili eleg:tat style with his wife in this city, and isa prominenllt mnember of Vi the Plymouth clhuIrch. The storm burst yesterday when lie was notified o f Mr. at Johnson's criminal damage suit. The ti complanant alleges that on fifteen specific sl occasions the detenrtlnit had intilmate re lations with plaictiff's wife, Mrs. John- th sonl lived ar the Reutislte house during lis hit absence oil lecturing tours, and attended et Pl, mouth church ajnd occupied Mi'. lig ley's pew with the latter's family. When Mr. Johnson returned lie was received at its a public meeting, of which Mr,, IIigley wi:t the chief organizer lanid 11ev. llenry w Ward Beecher the 'chief sp aker. Soon h: afterward his suspicions were arousnet, and hii he determined to test his wife's fidelity. se lie told his wife lie was going to Saratoga for a few days. Shte accoip iniedtiiil to the Grand Central depot in New Yotk, fe bade him good-bye, andt then, :t: :ll,~1ged, sent the following ditpatch to 1 r. II igv: I :e April 16. 18:3-11. .A. iligley, l'roiiee 11 Exchliatge: Lef: oni 4 o'clock train, G:rand sa Central; reitain utp towtn. t 1.'. Johnllionll elplo 'etl two ,letectives. li who haive shadowed his wite andti Mr. Higley, uniil c('latis to h'ave found out At] iaiile sigitilheant facts. The ( employes ati the Remnsen house make affidavits of fre quent visits of Mr. Hligley to Mrs. John- pr son's nrooms Since Mr. Johnson's dis covery of the alleged impropr ieties there have been many violent quarrels between him and his wife, which culminated a few st days ago, when he accused her. lie found letters in her htndwriting which ihe thinks about compnlleltes a shlieine for a visit to lir,,pe by Mrs. .,hn.inson anl Mr. lig ley. M rs. Jlihnson has separated fromn her hut t ln tutI is livviig with a tiarried sis*er' in New York. Mr. Higley's friends b suty that it is a ease of black mail. cei Mr. ,lohlll.on sutill bolirtis at the Rtlnsen house, at Clinton and Retnsen streets, where his wife stayed for a year and a It h:alf, an:d where lie says that lie discover- t ed proof of her intidelity. The hotel is kept hy Mrs. Gloucester, a wealthy color- t ed woman. Both she and her guests are ti reticent tils.ut the nmatter. Mtr. Johiinsoin thi is a lighlt-built ImntL, a': out five feet eight t inches high, rith a snal,'ll, partly bald '1'h head anl brown niustache, Hie told the story yveterdaty, without reserve, of his espion:ageon his wife. Hie said that he rel did not get liolltpf the letter implicating fro Mr. Higley until after' a sharp struggle with her at her room in the Remsen be house, where she had it concealed ilt bed. th He showed the prints of her nails. He di spoke with sorrow of his wife's loss of af- r feection forhinm, but st:d that he could no ii longer deal tenderly with her, and was re- rid solved to punish'tiie man who had caused dot the misfortune. las Mr. Johnson has spent two days at the m Atlantic house, Ocean Grove, collecting co evidence. Mrs, Johnson is staying with co her sister, MIrs. Ladd, at No. 132 Ma~qnl i street, Brooklyn. Detective PFord, who bla was hired by Johnson to watch his wife's in movements, and who afterward quarreled ma with him, said that he considered it a s blackmailingr4ohme. He was hired, he said, by Mitchell, a temperanee advocate, ' and was told "there Was money for four of them Iir ft.'" on LUIIaI L 1I IL. Gen. Grant as a Humorist. From Gen. Grant's. cbhygner of, opm merce speech in'New York at the 115th anniversary of the founding of that insti tution the following extract is taken: "I am very much obliged tO Jitr jpreidept for calling upon me first, because the ago ny wi saou, be yer, a94 twilU " ijoy the misery f ttih e oiL .'tLl taghter.] The first toast--The United States--will be a voluminous one to respond to on a single ocd...aon. tancroft betgan publish ing his teF yn the Kistory of the pistes States idet La0e lished th & merce, i think, was ovPr PIQ years a.4--[.* gl t -but Bamcro i .an earler;, I thfnk, or at least he so laius, an [ Et~kp e pared to d4 Iut , l_*1wdd baMJJ he should say that he kept an acurate journal from the ,g g gg&gig istime, I should not doubt it, for there has been no time that I have not heard of Bancroft. [Laughter.} I have not brought those volumes of Baucroft here-but I will leti the reporters publish thetm as a prelude to what I am going to say--Laughter.] I think he has only finished up to a little after the time that President Lane estab lished the chamber of commerce, and I will let the ieporters also take the record of what Prcsilent Lane has said at the e monthly meetingrs, and publish that as the l second chapter ot my speech. Then, ta n king up the subject at the present time, I it may say that we, the people of the United d States, have a country of which we may be o proud." Te The Old Mait's Ghost. i- Several days ago, a celebrated spiritual a ist came to Little Riock, and stated that before giving it pItuliIc entertairtneit hi' Swouldt give a Se.rctA, w hen any Iitiillib-"r ( a sma:ll itvited (irce!. (ol'l c:ltl Ip th.' it spirits of thlir fried. and conve so wi.t thin. lid' iiis;k o k a an from d.,w, the river wt'a a:lui:tled. mallti whose reltita Stioi fo ieds oc f v hletce would nor plie(' ii his sp;rit a ove par in the soul market e After lislening awhile to rapping. hrn r blowing, ani zauz-veil materializatioi. f the bad lma:n rose and said: a "Say, cap'n, whaur's the old man's 4 ghost?" s "Whltoitd m:an ?" asked the meliium. i ''My old manl-the governor. Call hin: e up." - "What is his name?" S"'Tom Bealick calll hin up." S"I don't think we'C are in coulmulllioa s tion withi him to-night." "What's the matter, wire down ?" "No: the old nlan hlas gone away on a Svisit." L "Now here; j'st slt hut up yer ward then, and turn on `er light. If ye don't give the old mini's ghost a show, the thing shan't run.." "Wait; I'll see if he will come," said - the slpirit.alist. '"If he raps three time= he is willing; if only once, lie has other I engllgements.." A sharp rap Souilidod. "lie is unwilling," continued the spir itualtst. "Now, here," sa:id the bad man, '"that wasn't my ohl m:n' k knock. Why. if he had h!it that table he'd splinitered it. Call I him ilp!" and the alfectionate man cast a severe glance on the me(dium. ''"To tell the truth, 1 can't calli him.'' "Tell him I want to see him. That will fetch him." "No, lie won't come; but I beg you to be patient. Wait ; ah. he will come soon. lie is here awl desires to talk to you. He says lie is perfectly, happy, and he longs for the time when you will be with him. Ile is one of the rulers in the spirit land." "Cap'n, you're the infernalist liar in Arkansas !" "WVhy so, sir ?" "Becalt-e the oll man is i i the city prison, dru'k." t Sevel Got Away. There was an unusual conimotion on the streets eally this morning owing to the re part t!iat there h':d been an exrnsive delivery fronm the co.unty jJail. The story grn from a tI unior th11 two imen had esca pe:I, (,,a tg irail eivuite. Investigation showed the aflt'i wtts of a really serious nature. Seven ctUiprlits escap'ed, of whom but one has been c;aptured. Upon fIrst re ceiving the informnation, a Tribune report er proc.eeded immediately to the jail and wa.s permitted to enter the inner corridor. It was there learneti lihat John Coreoran, the only night j ilor, ha:l, gone from the outer to the west cl ridor to quite the cries of an insane inmaie. While engage d in thlis he was sudi!enly pounced upon by three meii ..c' ti :,-l there, who pounded and boulnd him, leaving hin helpless. They then went t the corridor oGu the oth er side of ltii buildinig, and with a key, which they had wrested..tromn the j allor, released four other moln. All went out the' front door and - GQT W]LL AWAY, before any-alarmin ww give . The ~(tan Of= the jail is or comon affair, thi. wo -ewCor ders both running at right angl 1, :: e main'one, and the cells lieing ai'rahge4 upon them back-to back, six on eactr-'or ridor. Between there and the main corri dor are heavy iron doors. It was ii the last cell on the west side that the thi e men, M1urihy, Johin:4on and Fox, were confined who commnitted the assaulf,,or-, coran, the nighit Jilor, was in a dis a,3 ing condition, hisfeace being bhised Wnt black and blue and his lips cut and bleed ing from the attempti the desperadoes h:vl made to gag him. lie managed to tel', somewhat brokeVly. the followi.eo ra.0.,,i to tareporter: , '.: .. , 'LhI e crazy main wh,"'tried to 4 'e-t . mn.eli ygsterday, was eonl e tined iil Thof'a& on the west sick, ,.At about 11 Aook a±" "comiftenced to scream, and I wqnt In to see whiat wasth titattet,; aid' iwl' L v~dvi h' bhn I wits .. t ý. KNOCKED DOWN FROM BEHIND. T''heenrin the&'ell G then jumped on m. with their knees, choked mie, and beat me wt1 yppu, a$l ' g but I kept my mouth closed. They boun me, h-ever, hand and foot, took away my released thela tr4i G a co, ridor, and went out with them. They tied me to a 4r v avJi t ulty3%& r# loea e anrOntft Jou -, Iow did these men escape from thk "I think they mustBv a <ysg4Jhrou :h the staple wh.l-h helds the olt of ie door.!' Au tnvestigst on shoaedt t'vIt thls wCs probably on which he. ,va~Ut4IE 4t%1#tr T~S~i~ bar iron, but is easily accessible to saw 01 file, and HAD REIN VERY NEARLY CUT. _"How did these three men happen to be in the same cell ?" was asked. "I don't know. Fox, who belongs on the other side, must have slipped in there in the early evening, when all the prison ers. were shut up in the cells." "How could they have got the tools tc dlo this job?" '"I don't know that, but I suspect some visitors. passed them through the bars." It has evidently been planned fos some time. Sheriff O'Gorman was early on the sce,.e and soon the whole police force of the city was actively searching for the es caped prisoners. One of them, Johnson, while running down Fifth street, was re arrested by Officer Moriarity.-Minneapo lis Tribune. Threatening Letters to the British Consul. "I have received several threatening i,-tters in the last few days," Mr. Pisrre pont Edwards, the British Consul, said y\esterday. "One was simply a coffin, with iy name on it, and here is another." The threatening missive was a postal elrd, addressed "English Consul, New York." On the opposite side was written : "Your place is to be blown up and you shot, and every sympathizer of you or England will be poisoned or their places olown up." "Do you know anything," O'Donovan Rossa w-ts asked |J t'evening, "about the threatening letters written to the British Cnnal?" "Know anything about them? Ask the P. itish Consul if he knows anything shout the threatening letters which I re civein every mail from England or from dlifferent pectionpi of this country." "Five or six men came here after Mr. Ed wards' statement about New York in formers was published," Secretary Joyce said, "and volunteered to--well, they meant business." "Do you know anything," Mr. 'Rossa was asked, "About. the dynamite ships which Halifax despatches say have been sent to Canada ?" "The whole exiled Irish world," he re oiled, "will shortly be up in arms against England, and will join hands against the English flag, and strike it wherever they find it outside of the United States." A-- - - A Pecular Funeral. I he ard the other day, says a Washing ton correspondent, of a most interesting ease of feminine fortitude. A wife of a Washington public agitator prides herself upon 'her beautiful voice, although she can no more sing than a crow. One day her husband took sick and the physician said he could not live. The wife came in when he was dying a,:d took her place in a theat rical position and sang in a loud yelling voice, "Nearer My God to Thee." If the poor dying man had not been reconciled to go before that, the song must have sw'etened his parting on earth. After the woman had finished this song she said to th, doctor, "I will not wait to see my hu band die. My artistic nature cannot endure painful sights. I will go away, so as to retain in memory the look of John's facot when he is yet free from pain," Then this Roman matron went to bed and was sound asleep when her husband passed away. The next day the Roman matron remain ed in retirement. But that evening she lighted up her whole house as if for a re ception. The visitors who came to pay calls of condolence almost fancied them selves at a general reception. "John" was not there. He was in a coffin up stairs, neatly st,,wed away in a small bedroom. Said the -Roman matron to her callers: "How many noble hearts have called to see me this evening? Yes fully forty great hearts have come to me with their sym pathy." Then again: "Bring me one of Shak -peare's tragedies. Let me read that; alone ,.cai now comfort my ;mind." By a sudden transition: "By the way, uould von like to see Johu?" Then with out: waitizg: "I do not think you would Ca .i t~i'-Jotr. The sight of him would orly d st~di yeor Let us remember him in our great hearts as he once was." The next night "John" was carried to u.u.lher frl nud'p house--one of the best on K street and at night the funeral was ld. The dear, devoted wife fell across the coffin twice during the ceremonies in the most approved abandons Once when 'he arose she brought away a large heap of shrubbery from the floral display on the * ogin by its catching in her crepe veil. ,added 'special interest to the scene, ,4id made some of her friends liken her to "poor Ophelia." Then the bereaved wid ov tdledto sing at the funeral, and was only prevented after the hardest work. yIt is'probable that no such funeral was rver before seen in Washington. To this .bsurd attempt at theatrical display Is joined the faictthat the huband died from absolute negle er"a at ofthe wife ,o obey the doctor': d irections and to propdrl) nurre blnh, sad thus the picture is -made the wuor lrmarkable. - its l case that ha#tsiale much talk, at the m°aln was wel l Vide.k adn 1d`bl1 men:e and owell ll k . .d. Y Xr ý 1 i..ý l "L,. LrifýýZ ffº N1. or PLANS TO HEAD OFF BUTLER. How Massachusetts Republicans l Propose to stop the work of Re. n i- Boston, May 9.-A Republican confer ence was called at the States House sever o al days ago. but so few members of the Legislature and of the States Committee e were present that another meeting was " called for this evening, which was attend e ed by a large -number of the most promi e nent Republican politicians of the State. of After a long discussion a plan was adopt, - ed, which it is hoped, will stop the head , way which Gov. Butler is making for him. self and the Democratic party in the States It is proposed to rush through all the bus iness now before the two Houses within the next two or three weeks, pass a resolu i tion giving the Tewksbury investigating Co:hiuittee authority to sit during the re cess of the Legislature, pass the appropri I ation bills, and then notify the Geyernor - that both branches are ready to be pro I rogued, without giving him time to return the bills with his objections. Should the Governor refuse to prerogue the Legisla I ture, as is expected, it is proposed that the country members go home, and that a few members from Boston and vicinity go up I every other day, accompanied by the chap lain, go through the farce of opening with prayer, calling the roll, aud then adjourn ing for two days for want of a quorum. They have also deternmind to send to Wash ington for witnesses to the fact that Gov. Butler was not in the States when the veto of the safety deposit bill was dated and promulgated. It was also decided to make an effort to induce the Associated Press to suppress reports of the Tewksbury investigation, which have been read with such interest all ove-r lhe country. Thus, with their headsl blurried in the sand, they will con templute the responsibility of the failure of the appropriation bills, imagine that they h::ve found a way to get around a mes-.te, and blissfully dream that no one outside of the State will ever hear of Tewksbury agair. Wny Jefferson Davis Wanted Lideutenant Derby to be Court Martialed. The invitations e.ent of late to naval officers requesting them to furnish sugges tions for a chang~ of Uniform "reminds me"-as Mr. Lincolin would have said of a similar invitation issued dy Jeff Davis when he was secretary of war under Gen. Frank Pierc-. One of these invitations was sent to Lieutenant Derby, a good draughtsman and a merry wag, who sent response a proposition for having a two inch iron ring appended by a piece of strong leather to the seat of each enlisted man's trousers. Long and formal specification demonstrated the utility of this ring. Each officer was to carry, instead of sword, a long white ash pole, with hook on one end. By hooking into the ring of a pri vate he could be kept in line of battle if he was disposed to hang back or caught if he attempted to run away. The ring would also be useful in the artillery service for for draft purposes, and in the cavalry men could be locked to other rings in their saddles and so kept from falling off. The illustrations which accompanied the spec ifications represented officers catching in fantry stragglers and forcing them into the ranks, dragoons padlocked to their saddles and artillery-men with cannon-pro longs hitched to their ring, hauling huge pieces of artillery up steep hights. It was very funny and the clerks in the war department enjoyed some hearty laughs over it, but when it reached the secretary he became indignant and regard ed it as an insult. He ordered charges and specifications to be drawn up and a court-martial was actuall ordered, ,when it came to the ears of Governor Marcy, then secretary of state, who was level headed and who advised Davis to let the matter drop. He might convict Derby and dismiss him from the servise, but he would be laughed at from one end of the oountry to the other. Davis took the ad vice and Derby's "s.ggestions" are still to be found on the files of the war depart ment. Edi or tleo aeftse hasrm earuut gifts The Herald employe strikes a very good thing when he has the luck to get into the graces of the proprietor of that paper. Mr. Elynn, the managing- editor,iwas a reporter on the Herald a few years a. One day Mr. Bennett sawin his columns a news report of a matter h which he was partieularly d. _T Se r Qpgrtpleas ed him verby muehi ane blJnufsred who wrote it. Flynn was the young man's name, and Flynn at once, recelved a pres ent of a gold watch and ch;ith, $100. In cash and a leave of absence for six weeks on full pay. A while afterward he was made managing itorur 9fthte Telegram, and after two years good service there, he was' promoted to the .managing editor ship of the Ipealb. *herear; probab.1y twreaty superanuated employes of the Her ald "whose declining years are comforted y liberal pensions from the offlce, atd ome ra f1i61l y. aennett isuborlbed :$4X0 to the Benefit fundft or~ i printers. fund is l~arge enou - 8t permit the wives a A4ioiWdee. Awymr y ago the autocrat bf the eT ne# i of paid all the expebees ~ I a back a Wy ;mn u fl ilER54 ·nAfe sive but not sympathetic in his liberalit; to his men. Last year, while strolinj around his composing room one night, i type-setter seventy years old attracte, his attention. He called the man to him made a memorandum of his name, and re marked: "I'll have to get you something easier to do." Of course the man was very much elated, but he has had plenty of time to subdue his spirits, as he has never heard of the matter since. SALAD FOR SUNDAY. A SLIM BANQUET. "Say, my dear," whispered Mr. Spoo pendyke, closing the door tprefully and approaching his wife with a broad grin on his visage. "'Say, my dear, Specklewot ties is down stairs in the parlor. He has come to take dinner with us!" "Great gracious!" exclaimed Mrs. Spoopendyke, dropping her work and bustling up to the glass to arrange her hair. "What did he come to to-day for? Don't he know it's w.sh day?" "He came for dinner !" retorted Mr. Spoopendyke, turning pale around the lips. "What :d'ye s'pose he came for, to be washed ? What's wash day got to do with it? Think the man can be soaked in a tub and hung over a clothes line with a measly wooden pin astride the small of his back? Well, he didn't, hecame for grub, and you want to hustle around and get it pretty lively for him, or I'll begin to serve up things myself befgre long !" "But, my de.f," remonstrated Mrs. Spoopendyke. "'here's nttliug in the house! The clothes--" "Then serve up the clothes!" roared Mr. Spoopendyke, who had utterly for gotten the day of the week when he invited his friend, and now wanted his wife to get him out of the scrape somehow, and at the same time not lpt him down with Specklewottle. "Ju.t put the clothes on a platter and set 'em before him ! You can explain to him that we only eat three times a week, like a dog in hot weather! That'll satisfy him, so long as he has the clothes to eat !" "You don't imagine he would want to eat the clothes, do you?" asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, innocently. "Just try him !" yelled Mr. Spoopen dyke, enraged at the idea of being taken literally. "jt'gt try him and sling in some of the natural grace you always put on at the table! "'Mr. Specklewottle, have some of this frltessed petticoat?" and Mr. Spoopendyke held out the legs of his trousers as a woman holds her skirts and waltzed around the room. "Mr. Specklewottle, have a little of this poached night shirt? Now, Mr. Specklewottle, do try one of these fried socks, and a slice of the pillow sham ! Dear Mr. Specklewot tle, pray let me help you to a piece of this shirt collar and a pair of stuffed cuffs! I made them myself, and though they are not as good as-that's the way to do it!" continued Mr. Spoopendyke, suddenly concluding his remarks with a war-whoop and presenting himself before his wife all out of breath. "Think you've got that bill of fare all right ? See your way clear to a successfu. dinner party now?" "There's some cold shad, down stairs, and I think there is a raw ham in the cel lar," ruminated Mrs. Spoopendyke, re garding her husband with a startled look of inquiry, as if asking if he thought Specklewottle would mind the meat being raw, and the fish a trifle cold. "I don't think he has anything home on Mondays except cabbage and beans. Or, perhaps he may have doughnuts and pie," she continued, hastily, seeing her husband swelling with a retort. "And I'm sure doughnuts and pie are good." "That's what he wants!" howled Mr. Spoopendyke. "Bring forth the shad that froze to death in the house of Spoopen dyke! Produce the ham with acrumpled horn that milked the shad that froze to death in the house of Spoopendyke! De velop the measly banquet and let joy be unconflned! Ain't you got any more sensethan a bung-hole? Think I'm go ingto bring the aristocracy here to tatten on dead fish and live hogs? How long are you going to let that man sit down stairs in a state of starvation ? Where's that roast of beef i brought home the oth er day ?" "T thinkr ua nti thalt all inn tlhp taiy It "I think we ate that all up the day it came home." sighed Mrs. Spoopendyke. "'Do you mean that roast with the queer little sticks in it?" i "The same," replied Mr. Spoopendyke, nerving himself for another ordeal. "Did we eat the sticks? Am I to understand that there is not one little dodgasted stick left' on all that affluent luxuriousness? S Lift the impenetrable vall of obscurity off s the secluded bower of the shrinking sticks," he yelled, as it dawned on him Q that Specklewottle was in the parlor, s waiting to be fed, and that the social pro blem was no nearer solution than when he 1 started. "Let us unravel the mystery that 9 hangs like i pall over the fate of the on s happy sticks, that they may come forth and fructify Speckiewottle," and in the excess of his emotion Mr. Spoopendyke Sgasped for breath, and resting his hands P on his kneess, loked as if he were inviting his wife to a little game of leap-frog. "There's some lettuce ia the hoUs,, and I X bought some strawberries to-day, and I Seouald cook the steak I had saved over for . breakfast,"mnurmured rs. Spoopendyke, e coming out triumphantly in the end, wo ian like. "i itll l put onn y new e colored satina, and we will give him a nice supper. f <oing to pat thy; wine olored satin esheihaisr thE B~e 't bowle4` 3Mr: SSpoopea , who ha I ns de tht a t "Thin7 y Got some kind of a notion that cold fish, g raw ham, wormy lettuce, green straw a berries and a fried cow are going to satisfy d the cravings of a man who has just won a bet of a dinner on-," but here Mr. - Spoopendyke stopped short. Tihe last re I velation was unintentional. r "Was it a bet, dear ?" asked Mrs. Spoop a endyke, opening her eyes in astonish r ment. "Did you bring Mr. Specklewot tie home here on a bet ? If I had known that and you had given me time, I would have had a nice supper for you. I don't suppose that he would care for a cold meal, under the circumstances. I really think" "That settles it," squealed Mr . Spoop endyke, mad at himself for what he had divulged and angrier till as he saw that he must explain to Specklewottle how he was fixed. "W hen you commence to think the free list is entirely suspended. Some day when I catch you thinking, I'm go ing to drive a spiggot in your head and advertise science on tap; bock science a dimeextra; free lunch from 11 to 1." And with this prospeotus Mr. Sp oopen dyke dashed down stairs and explained to Mr. Specklewottle that, owing to Mrs. Spoopendyke ;having a severe headache, t) ey had better postpone the dinner or go to a restaurant. "I don'tcare," murmured Mrs. Spoop endyke, drawing a paper of candles from an upper bureau drawer. "I don't care; it must have been a very important thing they bet on, when cold shad warmed over and a nice beefstake isn't good enough to pay it. Anyway, he'll be glad of it for breakfast, and the next time he brings a man here to dinner he'll pick out some other day than Monday. Though I sup pose that Mr. Specklewottle will go home and tell his wife that we don't have any thing to p.qt ltere fruom oi. week's end to the other, Anyhow, she owes me a call, and I hear that thg'1cressmaker disappoint ed her all last week, so she won't pay much attention to what he does say !" and Mrs. Spoopendyke went down to her supper of strawberries and lettuce, while her hus band took it out with Specklewottle in fillets of beef ond yellow Cliquot YELLOWSTONE PARK. Increased ;lail Facilities. Washington, Special Telegram, May12. Steps are being taken to secure increased mail facilities for the Yellowstone Nation al park and the postoffice department have the matter now under advisement. It is calculated that 50,000 tourists will visit the park this Summer. These visitors will come from all parts of the world. A gen tleman, who Aris just returned to this country, said to-day that fifteen other gen tlemen came across with him from Europe for the express purpose of going to the National Park. The mammoth hotel,which is about completed, will accomodate 400 guests. A stable 150x40, and two store rooms have been put up The superinten dent, writing to the dei artment, says: The buildings are in style and propor tions ornaments to the park." The hotel is 400 feet long, and four stories high with "L" extensions, a tower in the center, Queen Anne windows, and a veranda en tirely around it. All the improvements, the superintendent says, are made to please the eye, as well as for convence and com fort. Pioneer Press. -----t-- Been There Before. "A great structure, my friend, a great structure," observed a clerical looking gentleman to a stranger who stood in rapt contemplation of the bridge. "It is a wonderful evidence of man's skill and en terprise !" "No you don't!" exclaimed the stranger, edging away and eying the clerical gentle man from head to foot with every symp tom of distrust. "I know your game! In a minute you'll want me to go with you and get a lottery ticket cashed, and before I know which side of the street I want to take to get home, you and your pals will bunko me out of my last hard earned cent! No you don't, I've been there before." "But, my friend, you mistake me en tirely," replied the clergyman mildly, "I am a minister of the gospel !" "A genuine minister?" demanded the other, looking more reassured. Are you giving it to me straight? No taffy in this?" "I assure you, sir, I am a clergyman," said the clerical gentleman, with dignity. "You may believe me, sir. What I tell you is true." "Put it here! exclaimed The stranger, offering his hand. "Put it right bere! I thought you might be one of those bunko steerers, and I was on to you. I'm glad ydu are a minister, for I have been on the lay for one for a long time. You steer tl:e plant and I'll set up the drinks, and if we don't work that congregation of yours out of every cent there is in the joint, you may take me anywhere and just f )b me out of the last rattle without a squeal out of me, if I have to mortgage my farm. Come on, what do you say?" It would be interesting to know what the clerical gentleman wanted to say to that proposition. An Interesting Exhibition at Hartford. Vanderbilt's famous team of mares, Al dine and. Early Roye, that were reputed last falh to have trotted a mile over the Hartford track in :16x, have been placed in Dan Make's hands, and the under standing ameng turfmen is that they will be .aen to Hartfbrd soon, and prepared for ts.t exh itlo n Me ud 8M will probably ie tit the same 'track sot, time in June, adigrlag the Hartforid subn er meeting * tSeiet Usazls e t AheVYada bit b o take p~J~leS FOLLY SHOTS. r A distinguished statesman returned to his rooms at a Washington hotel one eve ning, suffering from an absence of mental coherency. He explained to his wife that condition was an accident, that he had been sitting up late with President Arthur and a few friends from New York, and that the flo of soul had prevented him from calculating the effects of the flow of spirits. "And what did you drink ?" she asked, with true feminine directness of speech. "I don't know what it was, amy dear," said the belated statesman, steadying him self against the mantel piece, "'but the President called it 'shrimp salid." "Do you remember the first time 1 ever ed you, darling, how we stood in the oVI honeysuckle bower, while the moon was just rising over the bay and the tide was licking the pebbles on the beach' ?" "I can never forget it," she answered gazing at hitm with a look of unutterable affection. "You w,'re c('hewing cloves a good deal at that timin to cure your in digestion, Charley, and oh, how your breath did smell of them !' " The prisoner was a friend of mine," said the witness in answer to a question of the counsel for the prosecution. "Do you desire the court and jury to be lieve that you are well acquainted with him?" "No I can't say that I am." "Well, what are we to understand then by the statement that he was a friend of yours ?" "Just this :" continued the witness, "He borrowed five dollars of me once and ney returned it." "Do you consider that an evidenoe of friendship?" "I do. If he had paid it back he would have wanted to borrow ten more." My dear Madam, said the dentist, after looking into the patient's mouth for a few minutes and speaking in tones that denoted no trifling degree of professional despair, Your teeth are ri perfect study in conchol: ogy." "Sir," she exclaimed, "I didn't come here to be insulted, what do you mean by such a remark ?" "No otffhnce madam ; I simply mean that your teeth are all shells." A nervous old gentleman, driven half distracted by the cries of a fih vender who was yelling "Porgies! porgies !" beneath his window, thrust out his head and shout, ed: "If you'll stop your Infernal noise I'll give you a job worth money." "What is it? asked the porgy fiend. "Why, to come and teach our church choir how to sing." "What is the matter with you, sonny ?" said a pious old Samaritan to a lad who was churning the tears to his eyes with two dirty fists. "Perhaps the hand of Providence has been laid heavily upon you; perhaps your mother's dead ?" "I hope she is," muttered the gamin, shifting his fists from his eyes to the base men; ot his pantaloons and rubbing it as if it was thle seat of some recent distress. "I hope she is, but she wasn't when I saw her last." "I've seen a good many hard cases of poverty," reinaiked the Arkansas stran ger, "but the worst I ever saw was the case of a man down on Red River, and I've had a kind feeling for flies ever since." The company expressed their astonish ment and curiosity by profound silence and a stony stare which the Arka'.sas truth teller appeared not to notice, merely adding as he empted his glass: "I'ts a fact I'm telling you, gentleman but that Red River chap was so poor that the flies wouldn't bite him." An exchange asks "What's the matter with the boys down in Maryland?" This partakes ot the nature of a leading ques tion, and would t.,erefore be excluded un der the rules of evidence, but, as a person al favor to an esteemed contemporary, we have no objection to telling it that the matter with the boys down in Maryland is that most of the whisky manufactured in the State is drunk there. Clara Morris told the following story to the Cincinnati Enquirer: "When I was a child they gave me, in the Cleveland Theatre, a speech to make, twenty or thirty lines, in 'A ntony and Cleopatra,' I think. I suppose I wasl15 years old. Said I: I have no dress to play that great part. 'Never mind,' said the chief supernumer ary; 'I will give you my sandals to wear. Take courage, little thing.' So he brought me the sandals, big enough for a negro minstrel. I filled them with paper, and my foot in them looked like a china slip per of Sevres, sent home in a long box of shavings least it might [get fractured. Then I bought five yards of white mutslin and a yard of red something to trim it, and made me a toga. So, when I was called, I had to fly suddenly from the rear of the stage in my great sandals and kneel at the front. As I came, traveling on my nerves, the paper stuffing began to fly. I knelt, I and abroad grin extended all over the stage. I saw them shaking with laughter everywhere. The tragedian, covering his r mouth with his band and laboring with its corners, whispered, 'Don't you cry, nmy , little brave i' 'Why,' said I, 'what Is it?' C I looked ahtok at my sandals as I knelt, I and its cido aoimy ankle, tnletters an inoh high, The Oleveland He"~l'd " *:?