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The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, March 23, 1881, Image 7

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn85053157/1881-03-23/ed-1/seq-7/

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THE MAJOR.
A major loved a maiden so,
His warlike heart was soft as Do.
He oft would kneel to her and say:
"Thou art of life my only Re.
Ah, if but kinder thou wouldst be,
And sometimes sweetly smile on ti.
Thou art my life, my guiding star,
I love thee near, I love thee Fa.
My passion I cannot control
Thou art the idol of my Sol."
The maiden said, "Oh, fie! Ask pa.
How can you go on thus? Oh, La!"
The "major" rose from bended knee,
And went her father for to Si
'vie father thought no match was finer,
The "major" once had been a "minor."
They married soon, and after that
Dwelt in ten rooms all on "one flat."
So happy ends the little tale,
For they lived on the grandest "scale."
FLOATING FANOIES.
If the revised edition of the bible will only
make it a sin to read a borrowed newspaper,
the success of the work will be assured.
Surprise parties are comin to vogue
again. The person who is to be surprised is
sues the invitations through a friend.
Said Brown, Smith wont have so sot a
thing as he has had." "I don't know," re
plied Robinson; "he'll have a soft thing so
long as he dosen't lose his head."
Parnell's Lambs.--Paddy: "But what'll we
do. Mike, if the Liberator becomes a land
lord himself ?" Mike: "Och, sure, thin, we'll
jist shoot his tinnants for him!"
A prominent lumber man in Burlington has
had his coat of arms painted on the panels of
his carriage, with the Latin motto "Vidi."
Which by interpretation is "I saw."
Mother Sbipton has strapped on her liver
pad, bought a set of $10 teeth, a row of
bangs and a bottle of "bloom of youth," and
concluded to live down her prophecies.
The female fondness for dress is what caus
es many of the young men to remain bach
elors. They recognise that they can not buy
silks and satins and still have money left for
billiards and beer.
The habit of American girls marrying Ital
ian counts has slackened up a little of late.
A life of following around a hand organ and
passing the tamborine:for pennies is not as at
tractive as formerly.
A Chicago poet is going to present President
Garfield with a copy of all the poems he
wrote during the campaign. No matter what
he may do after this, Mr. Garfield will have
the sympathy of all honest men.
When the recording angel observes a min
ister of the gospel holding a nail between his
fingers while he misses it with a hammer,
the trustworthy scribe drops into a brown
study and pretends not to hear anything.
"I go out of office without a pang-but
slay; there's my pass between Fremont and
Washington. Can it be possible that the
grasping monster at the head of a soulless
corporation ill brutally refuse to renew it ?"
-Mil. IHayes.
A little girl of 12 years, the daughter of a
clergyman, was asked: "Sadie, does your
papa ever preach the same sermon twice?"
After thinking a moment, Sadie replied:
"Yes, I think he does, but I think he hollers
in different places."
Papa: "That picture shows the story of
Promethus and the vulture that fed on his
liver. Every day the vulture devoured it, and
every night it grew for him to eat it again."
Sympathetic child: "Poor dear old vulture!
How sick he must have been of liver every
day!"
A New England pastor called upon one of
his deacons, with whom he was at varience,
and, with an air of great solmenity, said:
"Brother, it is a shame that this quarrel of
ours should bring scandal upon the church.
I have prayed earnestly for guidance in the
matter, and have come to the conclusion that
you must give in, for I can not."
"Whit," asked a Galveston Sunday-school
teacher, "is that invisible power that prevents
the wicked man from sleeping and causes
him to toss about upon his pillow, and what
should he do to enjoy that peace that passeth
understanding ?" Sew up the hole in the
mosquito bar," was the prompt answer from
the bad boy at the foot of the class.
Scene-The gambling table at Monte Carlo.
Personma-Young English lady with little sis
ter and a gentleman whose acquaintance they
have made at the hotel. Young Lady-"Oh
I say, I shall put a five-franc piece on the
number of my age!"-putting one on the
fifure eighteen. The number twenty-eight
wins. Little sister-"What fun! Now, if'
you had really put it on your right age, sis,
you would have won, wouldn't you?"
A devout Methodist asked Wesley what he
thought as to his marrying a certain woman
well known to both. Wesley advised him
not to think of it. "Why," said the other
"she is a member of your church, isn't she?"
"Yes," was the reply. "And yon think she
is truly a Christian, woman?" :'"Yes," said
Wesley, "1 believe she is." "Well, then,
why not marry her?" "Because, my frieqd,
the Lord can live with a great many people
that you and I can't."
find out about it;" and he strolled out as un
concernedly as you please.
Recently a matron made her appearance
on the piazza where her daughter and the
latter's young man had gone several hours
before to enjoy the evening air and moon
shine, and began looking arond as if she had I
lost something. "What are you looking for,
ma?" asked the young lady. "The morning
papers," was the reply. The porch was va
cated.
8taunon's War Uonduet.
"I was talking to. Gen. McMahon yester
day, who was for some time the principal
staff officer of Gen. Dix, about Secretary
Stanton's treament of Alexander Stephens
and Postmaster Gen. Reagan, both now in
(Xngress, writes Gath to the Cincinnati En
quirer: Stanton was not very friendly to Gen.
Dix, looking upon him in the light of a pos
sible presidential candidate, and he issued
orders directly to him, saying : "You will
proceed immediately to Fort Warren, in Bos
ton Harbor, and receive from the naval ves
sels the two traitor rebels, Stephens and Rea
gan, and will see that they are confined sep
arately and not allowed to communicate with
each other, nor to have writing material."
Gen. Dix felt much mortified, but he had
no discretion in the matter. He went to the
fort and sent McMahon out on a tug to the
steam-sloop Tuscarora, commanded by Maj.
Fraley, of Maryland. That officer had taken
care of Stephens and Regan in his private
cabin. They had been together throughout
the voyage, and it was therefore absurd to
separate them. Gen. McMahon said: "Gen
tlemen, I have the misfortune to be your
policeman. I am sorry to say that I will have
to take you off separately, as my instructions
are not to allow you to communicate with
each other." "Well," said Commander Fra
ley, "We can take a drinK anyway." So they
took a final glass of wine, and Stephens was
carried off first.
As he entered the casemate where he was
to be confined, there was nothing there but a
miserable bed and one chair. He looked upon
the hospitality pretty seriously, and said:
"Major, can I not have a table and pen and
ink ?" "I am sorry Mr. Stephens, but they
have been forbidden." "Can I have nothing
to read, not even newspapers ?" "They also
are forbidden you." 'Mr. Stephens sank
into the chair and gave a slight sigh.
Reagan was then brought off in a tug and
put in a similar casement, with no more ac
commodation, but he made no complaint.
Stephens asked if he could not see Gen. Dix.
"I will convey your request to him,' said
McMahon, and he did; but the General re
plied: "Major I don't think I can go to see
Mr. Stephens. My orders are so disagreeable
that I can do nothing for him. I would only
have to say no, and that I should hate to do."
-- I-·· .l a -1"IB= . .----*1*.
There are some very straghtforward people
in Galveston. One of them went upin the
News office, and sauntering up to the desk
asked: "I hear that the bible has been re
vised. Do you know if many important
changes have been made?" "A good many,
believe." "Then there is no mistake about
Ananias being struck dead for lying?" "No,
I believe not," "Well, it 1' was you I would
Unhappy Women.
The king of Belgium and the emperor of
Austria are probably the only sovereigns
whose lives are honest as husbands and fa
thers. The Russian emperor's outrageous in
fidelities broke the heart of as true, loving
and gentle a wife as ever a man was blessed
with. The prince of Wales Is a repetition of
George IV. Tne emperor of Germany and
his empress have lived apart for many years.
The queen of Prussia-as the Empress Au
gusta was in early life-was too spirited a
woman to submit to her husband's open in
fidelities, and too strong mentally and physic
ally to go down in the grave for them. Early
in their married life she resented the treat
ment she received so seriously that a decorous
but no less posive separation was the result.
The famous war telegrams of 1870, so clever
ly caricatnred by Punch
"Thank God, my dear Auguster,
We've had another buster,
Ten thousand French have gone below,
Thank God from whom all blessings flow."
-were clever manufactures of Bismarck.
Every one knew that the king and queen of
Prussia only spoke and met on public occa
sions, when they were obliged to, as is the
case now. Her imperial majesty has not been
her husband's "dear Augnsta" since the first
year of her married life. The first queen of
Holland led a life of royal misery, and her
successor's chance is no better. The wife
of Victor Emanuel, the mother of King
Humbert, died broken hearted, and th.e mar
ried life of Margaret of Savory, queen of
Italy, has been a dreary, desolate one, so far
as husband, love and devotion are concerned.
Newspaper Reporters.
It is a great mistake to suppose that all that
is required to make a good reporter is a liberal
education. A reporter's position is one requi
ring tact, judgment, courage and a thorough
knowledge of the world; and the raw college
graduate can no more hold satisfactorily a
reporter's position than the reporter could
satisfactorily fill aprofessor's chair. Report
ers are born--not made. They have become
a class as indispensible to :the demands of
modern civilization as the locomotive or the
electric telegraph; and if, while the tired
world slumbers, unconscious. of the midnight
.tramps through windi and sraini ofthe daily
newspaper 'reporter-if, for ofn night he
were to . suspend his labors, then the public
would realize the debt it owes to the "Knight
of the Note Book."
The severe weather expe rienced in russia
has delayed the completion of the siemens
~Halskie electric railway at Berlin. It was
expected to be open for traffic at the begin
.ning of this month.
BLACKSMITH SHOP
Cor. Power and Franklin Streets,
Fk. BENTON., * 1ONTANA.
Horse, MuIe& OxShoeing
A SPECIALTY.
WAGON REPAIRING,
have employed the best wood workmen in the Terri
tory, and can guarantee good work and entire
satisfaction
Blacksmithingl in all its Branchls.
RUFUS PAYNE,
Proprietor.
GOOD WORK AT REASONABLE PRICES.
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H. WIL00X,
House& Carriage Painter
Orders for the present left at
L. T. tARLSHRALL'S, FRONT STREET,
Will receive prompt attention.
Has had an experience of twenty-five years in some~of
the largest shops in the Eait, and is prepared
to guarantee satisfaction.
"THE ELITE"
Corner Front and Benton Sts.
FORT BEENTON, - ~?IONTANA.
A CHOICE LOT OF
Whiskies, Wines and Cigars
ALWAYS ON HAND.
L. T. MARSHALL, Proprietor.
TheElite is the most popular resort in the upper part
of town. Drop in and have a friendly chat
with Marshill.
LESTER'S
CLTUB ROOMS
.Main Street,- Fort Benton.
ST. LOUIS BEER,
Wines, Liquors & Cigars
THE SULTANA CIGAR,
All in full lines, and served in the very best style.
BIABDBURY & CO.
Blacksmithing
-AND-
WAGON REPAIRING.
We are prepared to do any class of work in our line.
and in the most thorough and workmanlike
manner.
Livery, Draft and Saddle
Horse Shoeing.
MULE SIHOEING.
Cor. Baker and Franklin Sts.
FORT DENTON, -.1TONTA WA.
WHOOP-IP SALOON
And Restaurant,
W, B, FLYNN, proprietor.
Board, $a.OO Per TWeek.
M eals at All Houis.t Oysters in Season., Fine Wines,
Liquors and Cigars.
SI3N IlVER CUOSSING 11, T.
W* So WETZEL,
FORT BENTON, MONTANA,
Wholesale and Retail Grocer,
AND DEALER IN
DRY GOODS, CLOTHING,
BOOTS AND SHOES, FURS AND PELTRIES,
WIES, LIQUORS AND CIGARS.
Our Grocery Department ermbraces all Staple and Fancy Articles, a few of which are
Fresh Corn Meal, Oat Meal, Rice, Beans, Canned and Dried Fruits, Lard, Bacon
and Hams, Canned Vegetables and Meats, Candles, Oils, Fish, Oysters,
Extra #oap, Canned Syrups, Candies, Nuts and Notions.
Fish Bros.' Freight and Farm Wagons,
TOOLS, CUTLERY,
Tinware Crockery, Glassware, Toilet Articles
PATENT MEDICINES, PAINTS AND OILS.
We have in store one of the best selected Stocks ever imported into the Territory, and the
trading puplic will find it to their advantage to get our prices befor
buying elsewhere.
STORAGE AND COMMISSION.
Corner of Front and Bond Sts., Fort Benton.
Nick Welch Proprietor.
0-;-~-------- .----,
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ront; treet,. - - F ort Benton.
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JOHN HI. GAMBLE,
Front Street, a few doors above postoffic.
PROPRIETOR OF
THE STAR- BAKERY
Fort Benton, Montana.
Confectionery,
CAKES AND PASTRY,
Of ail kinds always on hand. We make a specialty of
turning out the BEST BREAD IN BENTON, and
customers can always rely upon getting,
Fresh Bread at all times.
ORDERS FOR
Wethlii Cales a.i Pastry Goods
Will always receive prompt attention.
AND ALL KINDS OF FRUITS
In Season.
Goods Delivered Promptly.
.- ,.i·LII - C I
LARGENT HOU SE,
Sn lRiver Crossing,
ON HELENA AND BENTON ROAD
A FIRST-CLASS TABLE,
And Well Furnished Rooms Sufficient
Any Requirements, at leasonable
Rates.
Superior Accommodations for
Transient Custom.
The Traveling Public may be assured that people with
families who are visiting Montana for the pur-.
poses:of business or pleasure, and who may
wish to remain for a length of time, will
have better attention and accommo
dations than they will receive
elsewhere outside of
Helena,
WILLIAM H. ULM,
i .ANAGER.

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