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BATES OF AdNERTIS1:G
One Col:uimn. 1 ear .......................... 17 fi onhiO l ........... .. ............. 100 ,, 3 1, 1 ........................ 75 nh:lf Columnl, 1 year............................. 100 fi months .......................... 76 , 3 m ...--- .... .. .. .. 40 One-Third Co!uxmn, 1 year. ............ 80 S 6nonthm .................... 45 3 monthll...................... 30 Quarter Column, I u.er.......................... 75 3 months ...................... 0 Three inche-, 1 year ............................. 50 S i months ........................... 30 S m. thS .......................... 25 Professionfl Cards. 1 inch, 1 year ................. 15 Rate for Transient Advertisements given at office. Terms,. .. ................... .$.00 per Year Benton Lodge, No. 25, A, F. & A. M. Regular Comnutnications of the above named Lodge are held at 7 p. im. on the first and third Saturday of each tmonth. Members of sister lodges and sojourn ng brethren are cordially in ed to attend. RUFUS PAYNE, W. N. II. I'. ROLFE, Secretary. Choteau Lodge, No. 11, I, 0. 0. F. A rel-ilar meetn.g of the above Lodge will be held ot, Wednecday cvelin, of each week, at their lodge com in this city. S:ojurning brothers are cordially invited to attniwl. SAM. I. KELLY, N. G. (4EP: . B. P'AlitEl. Secretary. -OF-- NORTHERN MONTANA Transact a General Banking Business. Keep current accounts with merchants, stock men and others., subject to be drawn against by checiks without notice. PAY iNTEREST on TIME DEPOSITS We buy and sell Exchange on the commercial center of the United States. W\:E WILL GIVE SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE UBSIXESS OF NORTHERN AND CENTRAL MONTANA, And will mak;e such loans to stock men and farmers as are suited to their requirements. Local Securities a Specialty. ('ollections and all other busineses entrusted to us wil receive prompt and careful attention. COLLINS, DUER &d CO. E:CORD BUILDING. FORT BENTON, .1. T. 1881, 1881. ALL ABOARD! Benton _P Line - I, ARE RUNNING THE Fastest and Best Boats ON TIIE MISSOURI RIVER DURING THIS SEASON. The old ReliableRiver Route--Away Ahead on Cheap Rates--Fast Time and Comfortable Riding, During high water (until August 15th) pa*sengers can leave Helena, vi Forr Benton, and reach St. Paul itn tix days. Leave Fort Benton on Saturday and dine in Chicago or St. Louis the following Friday, and have a elorious time dashing down the Mighty Missouri in Conr lortab ie Pa ssenger st.eamers running on regular time and carrying the United states Man from Helena to Bi-marck. Stages leave Helena daily, connecting with boats at Bentoun. BOATS WILL lEAVE Bismarck every Saturday for Fort Benton, and leave Fort Benton every Saturday for B smarck, with regu larity, fast time, and sure connections. FACTS WELL TO KNOW-COMPARATIVE RATES TO CHICAGO OR ST. PAUL. FIRST CLASS. Helena to Chicago, BENPTON LINE...... 1 71 00 Via Ogden ant U, ion Pacific.............. 115 I Benton to St. Paul, BIEN J'ON LINE...... 42 00 Via Ogden and Union Pacific................ 126 00 SECOND CLASS. Ile'ena to Chicago, HENTON LINE.......$52 00 Via Ogden and Union Pacific....................88 00 Benton to St. Paul, BE tn''N LINE....... 27 00 Via Ogden and Union Pacific................ 69 00 Rates to all points East and South, in proportion to the above. Distance by stage-Helena to Fort Benton, 140 miles. Time, only thirty hours. A pleasant ride through the m ignific -nt Pilckly Pear Canyon, and over a beauti ful country. J;memember via Fort Benton and Missouri river, in addition to low rates, meals and staterooms are included on boats to first c'ass p,,ssengers. Baggage allowed from Benton, on river and rail, 150 pounds. Second class passengers on above rates, have first class a, commodations on stages going from Helena. Through 'lickets Good on any Lane. Send for a ' Folder" giving full details and rates East and West hound. and also freight rates to T. C. POWER & CO.. Helena, Montana. T. C. POWE < & BRO. Benton, Montana. T. S. RATTLE, 60 Clark street. Chicago. J. F BAKER, Keokuk Northern Line Packet Co.'s ollce, St. L.ouis. ISAAC P. BAKER, General Agent, Bismarck. NORTHERN PACIFIC office, St. Paul, Minn. MILW iUKEE & ST. PAUL office, Chicago. T. C. PO WER, Manager, Helena, Mon aua. Through tickets can be obtained at the above offices and rates on wool, Atchison's Trading Post SIX MILES SOUTH OF FORT MIAGINNIs. A complete stock of General Merchandise, INDIAN GOODS, And -Miners' Outfits. uaging removed m stock of mnerchandie from Ft. m new t, and added a large and complote invotceof and traoos, am prepared to supply settlers, miners, ad tr ers with as good goodan al as low re FY Fire min this seetion of the conry o ie f FJIo, , . Aftn oI, ort Benon, Montana, Wednesday, August 1881. No 44 Vol0, I Fort Benton, Montana, Wednesday, August 24, 1881. No, 44. "f-" . . . . . . . . . ,n m , . , . . . .. . . GRAND CLOSINCGOUTSAL -OF Spring and Summer Goods -AT rANS LE N' S The Largest and Most Extensivc Clothing House in Montana. _p_ OwinU to the heavy purchases of Fall and Winter Goods madE by our Eastern~buyers, and wishing to make room for the same, we have decided to sell our entire stock of Spring and Summer Goods Suits formerly $35 for $28. Suits formerly $30 for $28d Suits formerly $25 ror $20. Suits formerly $22 for $18. Suits formerly $20 for $17. Suits formerly $18 for $15. Suits formerly $15 for $12. And all other goods in proportion. We mean business, and invite all to call and examine our stock and prices before purchasing elsewhere. -0 We are also in receipt of a new line of Fall and Winter Samples and our Custom Department is now complete in every particular. Measures taken for Suits and Fit Guaranteed, 1,000 samples to select from. G-ANS & KLEIN, Fort Benton, M. T. Front St., near Benton (Murphy, Neel & Co.'s old stand). TOM J. TODD & CO. Wholesale and Retail Dealers,in WINES, LIQUORS, CIGARS And Tobacco. FRONT STREET, . .. ... . FORT BENTON. Fine Old Sour Mash Bourbon and Mellwood Rye Whiskeys CONSTANTLY ON HAND. ALSO Imported and Domestic Brandies and Wines, St. Louis and -Milwaukee Beers, Booker's, Hostetter's, Angastora and East India Bitters. Cigars and Tobaccos to suit all.classes of trade. OUR MOTTO.-"GOOD QUALITY AND HONEST QUANTITY." G'ORDERS FILLED P, D. Q. W. H. BURGESS, Wholesale and Retail Dealer in STAPLE AND FANCY R OCE 88. The Finest and Most Complete Stock of Fancy Groceries ever brought to Benton. FINE CIGARS a SPECIALTY W. H. BURCESS,. Murphy, Neel & Co.'s old stand, cor. Front and Benton Sts. BENTON S.TABLES M - McDEVITT & WRIGHT, " PROPRIETORS. . ·I: Saddldelorsesr , Li ghI4 as ljayy Tuo.'ts 7UR-NS HD ON SHO,,RT OTi[ ANt BA.&.T..8 . . ...... • .... ..... ' .'+'...+ )/~ i·.·:i< ,Z + ' D+++ + 5+:+ ++++ THE OLD-FASHIONED BIBLE. How dear to my heart are the scenes of my childhood That now but in mem'ry I sadly review; The old meeting house at the edge of the wildwood, The rail fence and horses all tethered thereto'; The low, sloping roof, and the bell in the steeple, The doves that came fluttering out overhead As it solemnly gathered the God-fearing people To hear, the old Bible my grandfather read: The old-fashioned Bible The dust-covered Bible- The leathern-bound Bible my grandfather read. The blessed old volume! The face bent above it As now I recall it-is gravely severe. Though the reverent eye that droops downward to it Makes grander the text through the lens of a tear, And, as down his features it trickles and glistens, The cough of the deacon is stilled, and his head Like a laloAd patriarch's leans as he listens To hear the old Bible my grandfather read: The old-fashioned Bible The dust-covered Bible The leathern-bound B.ble my grandfather read. Ah! who shall look backward with scorn and derision And scoff the old book, though it uselessly lies In the dust of the past, while this newer revision Lisps on of a hope ad: a home in the skies? Shall the voice of the Maker bo stifled and riven ? Shall we hear but a t the of the words He has sad. When so long He has, listening, leaned out of heaven To hear the old Bible my grandfather read ? The o d-fashioned Bible The dust-covered Bible The leathern-buund Bile my grandfather read. A QUERY. Do you think that distance lends a charm to the view, That hearts can still be loving, kind and true; That even though the dearest friends must part The separation need not change the mind or heart; 1 do; don't you? Whene'er in pleasures deep you be, Whene'er your thoughts revert to me, Jaet once remember that I also Do think of you where'er I go. You will, won'tyou ?; When to the Savior, love, you bend Your heart, think sometimes of your friend, And pray that he be let to meet You in that day at Jesus' feet. Will you, darling? THE GRAVEL ON THE PANE. Interesltiu Reminiscences of Big Mlln ing wiats-H-low Jurors Balanced the Scales of Justice in Early Days. [Carson Appeal.] Last night a number of men were sitting in front of the Ormsby House discussing the big mining suit in Eureka between the Rich mond and Albion. Gen. Kittrell, W. W. Bishop, Sinc. Barnes, Johnny Moore and others were interesting the crowd with recit als of the various suits they had seen. Bish op and Kittrell insisted that of late years the atmosphere of the Courts had been purer than in the early days. "That is," said Barnes, "thinner and weak er; in other words, jurors cost less than in early days." Both the lawyers agreed that coin had a potent influence. When the law was all on their side and the jury on the other, they could only explain it on the coin hypothesis. THE OLD PROSPEOTOR. At this point an old grizzly bearded man who had been listening slid up to the group and remarked : "Mining suits ain't what they used to be; there's been no real live litigation to speak of since the Rtymond & Ely suit with the Hermes in Pioche." "Were you in town ?" "Well, rather; I traveled 400 miles on a mule to the jury box. I struck the town about 6 o'clock at night, and walking into the leading bar-room inquired if the suit had begun. Inside of half an hour a man came up and asked me what my name was. He wrote it down on his shirt cuff, and then he said, 'Pard, if you want to stay and see the suit let me see you through on your expen ses,' and he handed me $500, remarking that he thought the R. & E. had the bulge on the law. I said that 1 thought that myself, and then I sauntered off. In about an hour a man came to me and told me I was drawn on thejury. I said I didn't mind and agreed to stand in. About 9 o'clock a man handed me $500, remarking that the Hermes had about all the law and facts on their side that was necessary. He thought I might need a little money for expenses.- Of course I took the money, he seemed so anxious to get rid of it, and then I slipped into a back room, put on a pair of false side whiskers, a thin silk duster I had been carrying under my coat, and I was a changed man. By 10 o'clock I was on' a good horse that I paid $300 for and had started off on a prospecting trip. I couldn't bear the idea of holding the scales of justice in a case like that. I was fearful of further corruption, you see. But at the trial I was represented by a proxy. On the road I met' old Bill Damen, dead broke and discouraged. I put him on the lay and he started double quick for Pioche. He struck the ledge rich, I guess. for when I next'heard of him he was drivin' a spankin' double team and enjoying life." ON THE JURY. All hands were buried in deep thought for a few moments, when a little man in seedy clothes who had been an attentive listener cleared his throat and said that reminded him of a similar experience. "It was a Virginia City case a good many years ago. Several hundred feet were in volved, and I was one of the jury. I was handed $300 by one side and $700 by the other, and saw another juror pretty well heeled. We talked the matter over, and I told him I guessed we wouldn't see any more money. 'Oh, you will,' he said; 'thisis on ly the pattering drope of the rain that fore tells of the coming storm. It'll be a drench er, and we'llall get wet through." I had to laugh at the big lawyers iearing themselves in two makig speeches that didn't have any more effct oin s than so much wind, acnd when the eideince was all in and the speech scoinclu~ded i ouldn'tt recollect a point in tha case. In fact, I was busy wonderlnr where the next outside money was coming from and trying to calculate, from the faces of my pals, how much each had got. Well, we finally went to the jury room to get a ver dict. 'We can't form a hasty verdict in a case like this,' said the foreman; 'we must pause and reflect.' then all hands laughed, and we sat about fifteen minutes reflecting. Presently some gravel struck the back win dow, and the foreman leaned out and said: 'What do you want?' "'Throw down a rope,' said the voice, and the foreman, who seemed to have a rope all ready, lowered it down. Up came a basket of champagne, and as he looked at the tag he said : 'This is from the defendants,' so we drank their health, and in about an hour we got another bite on the line, and pulled up an old gum boot with fitteen hundred dollars in it. This he said was platutiff's contribution. We divided the money and played poker for' it. By midnight three of us had all the swag, and then a sack with four thousand dollars in it came up, and we divided and started a fresh game. Whenev er the gravel struck the window we pulled up something. It was an interesting case, and by 4 o'clock in the morning the gravel and coin gave out, and we figured on a ver dict. Tho defond~nntl' pvid.mnO. as it th x there on the table, preponderated by a thou sand dollars, apparently, and we were about to find, when we saw that there was fifteen hundred more that had to be counted. All hands were so full that we couldn't tell to save us which side of the column to put that money on, and things got so mixed up that we concluded to do the fair thing all round and say that we couldn't agree. Finally it was suggested to stay out another day, which we did, and more evidence coming up the rope settled the business, and we found for the defendants. Some of the leading points sprung on us were very complicated things to wrestle with, and three dollars a day didn't begin to pay us, you see." DRAWING THE JURY. "Drawing the jury is the main thing," said a man in striped pants, edging up. "In the famous case of - versus - it cost 'em twenty thousand to fix the county officers. The county clerk got a fat figure for drawing the jury. Oh, be was cunning as a monkey, and could get any twelve names out of fifty you wanted, and he'd be lookin' all over the court room all the time. He could nail the right names just as certain as death." The listeners expressed some desire to un derstand the modus operandi, which the communicative gentleman proceeded to ex plain : "You see, he took twelve ballots and rolled 'em up in a piece of paper, with the ends slightly pasted together. He had them up his sleeve, and when he went into the box he made a big show of stirring up things, and held the package in his hand all the while. Then he tore open the package and proceeded to draw, always picking from the little hollow paper, and never failing to hit the right ones. Oh, he was slick, and you could always count on him. The funniest part of the suit was that the boys who got the companies into a wrangle also manipu lated the jury, and in order to make things harmonious they picked the same jury for both sides. You never saw people so pleased as all hands were when that jury was accept ed. Each side counted on a dead thing: The judge, jurors, lawyers, county officials, agents, spotters and sack bearers divided about equal all around. But these things are of the past, and now us mining men have to rustle for money like other people." TIHE KiUortru nsm UO T1LE Timuaa. "It's pretty hard to get a fair deal now," said Sine Barnes. "I knew a man once who was given $10,000 to fix a jury, and blame me if the scoundrel didn't quietly walk off with all the swag. His excuse was that he hated like the.deuce to corrupt anybody. As luck would have it the sack bearer on the other side was seized with the same idea, and he vamosed. There those poor jurors waited three days for 'the gravel on the pane,' and finally had to fall back on law and testimony for a verdict. It's hard to trust anybody in times like these;." SPOTTED TAIL'S DACGH'TEg. The Romance Recalled by the Mbrder of the Noted Sioux Chief. ST. PAUL, Aug. 9.-M-ajor Gordon, of the Second Infantry, was well acquainted with Spotted Tail, the Sioux chief who was killed by Crow Dog at Rosebud Agency. He first saw him at Fort Laramie in 1866, he having come thither on an errand so sad that it af fected his after life. He brought there the body of his favorite daughter for burial, and officers of the post, with other white resi dents of the neighborhood, took part in the obsequies. ,Spotted Tail killed a number of poniutes at the funeral and nailed the skulls on the posts supporting the c;.ffin. These skulls sti;l remain, and every year the commanding o·fficer sees to it that the coffin is decorated with flowers and streamers. The daughter had a romantic history, which is famihliar to many army officers and plainsmen. She fell in love with Lieut. Brockhorst Livingstono,of the old Second Dragoons, and a direct des cendant of the famous Chancellor Living ston, of New York. He seems to have re ciprocated her love, and they lived together as man and wife, though bound by no legal ties. Livingston at length took sick, became a prey to dementia, was sent to Europe and there died. The poor girl awaited his return long andanx!ously, and guarded as dearer than her heart's blood his son, a bright boy two or three years old. At length news of his death reached her, and the wife--for so she considered herself, and so her native friends considered her-pined a few months with a slowly breakinggheart:and then died. Her last words were the few English words of endearment Livingston had taught her in days gone by. SpottedTail took the beloved form where Livineston had first met her,and there buried it. Mrs. Livingstnn, the mother of the officer,.is still living in New York, or was ashort tiine ago; and has instituted in quiries relative to thd son spoken of, with a view of caring for and eduestinghim, but all trace of him was lost, or his dusky relatives preferred to keep him with themselves. A Goqd Pisaea to be Slolt. We had no ides the wotinds ini the late war were so terrible, but theq. atawkeye, which has been looking up thie' recrds, says: It hnow appears from auithentic in'stances cited in the local papers all over, America, that .nine tenths: of the soldiers :wounded in~ the late war were shot right straight throughfethe liver ;: that about 30 per cent. of :thisnumber 1 were shot clain thtrought the liver and back i again; that 48 per cnt. of the whole num- a her were shot exactyas t.e:. Present was, only Witfh larger buillets; that' they all got not considered rre.i.eiae for any' man in a the armys6 toge shot:11sfi~hdr8xce in tbe; Ift liver or negg. pre-j 1 ferred thek. g THE STAR ROUTE UONTRAUTS. [, Decision by the Atworney General on the Points Raised. WASHINGTON, August 13.-Second Assis tant Postmaster-General Elmore, who is con sidering the propriety of restoring the origi. nal schedules on a number of expedited mail routes, recently submitted the following questions to Judge Freeman, Assistant Attor t ney General for the Post .Office Department, for his opinion and advice: 1st. Does ordering expedition on a route i constitute a new contract ? 2i. Has the department a right to order the restoration of the original schedule on any expedited route, when cost of expedition is not warranted by the revenues of the office supplied, or when from any other cause it is deemed for the good of the service so to do ? 3d. Is the department warranted in with. holding allowances of one month's extra pay on the amount deducted from the pay of the contractor for such increase of running, and if so under what ;1rcutnetwu cc euch indemnity be claimed ? Judge Freeman is his opinion decides that under the law as it existed prior to the pass. age of the act. 1st. The Postmaster-General was not au thorized to increase or depedite mail con tracts except for causes appearing subse quently to the execution of the original con tract; that it was the duty of the postmaster to advertiuse all service let, and that an order lessening or increasing -service without causes, advertising or naming date to appear after advertisement, and letting of original service was void; that where such orders have been procured by fraudulent represen tations, or statements and payments been thereunder, it is the duty of the Postmaster General to bring suit for the recovery of such payments. 2d. le further holds that under the stat ute the Postmaster General has not authority to expedite or increase service beyond 100 per cent. of the original ar~ount. The stat ute provides that additional compensation shall bear no greater proportion to additional stock and carriers necessarily employed than the compensation in the original contract bears to the stock and carriers necessarily enrployed in its execution. Under this lan guage he holds that while the Postmaster General might, under circumstances already stated, allow a very large proportion of the original contract price, he was not author ized to multiply the amounts. 3d That the advertising act requires the Postmaster-General to advertise not a por tion but all of the service to be let, and if after making the contract he should discover that the public good requires double, tripple or quadruple service, it would be his duty to annul the contract and re-advertise. 4th. That where orders for expedition have been improperly made, he should an nul them without extra pay. Jessie James' Bride. [Omaha Republican.] Annie Ralston, the girl who married Jessie James, the celebrated train robber, six or seven years ago at Independence, Mo., was formerly a resident .f _Q(r ha .h . i. well remembered hereby several parties who be. came well acquainted with her while she was here on a lengthy visit during her childhood. In 1874 and 1875 she again visited Omaha, and during her stay here she was the guest of her cousin, who was the wife of a well known business man who is yet in business here. While in Omaha she attended the dancing school of Prof. Duval in Caldwell block in company with her cousin, and made the acquaintance of quite a number of young men who have probably forgotten her. She was a handsome, pleasant and rather intelli gent young lady, and it was with the great eat surprise that the writer of thes lines read the announcement of her marriage, at or near Independence, which was her family home, to the noted Jessie James, within a year after she left Omaha. This incident was mentioned, in the course of conversation recenty, to a well-known Omaha character, now in Colorado, who used to travel with the James' boys. Said he: '"You must not think that that big reward of $50,000 will be the means of catching the James gang. In the first place they have aeparated and scattered. Iris not generally known how the James boys- operate, but I can tell you, as 1 got it straight trom a man who was with them on -two or three jobs. Jessie and Frank go into a farming commu nity and become acquainted with.-the men, and pick out certain ones after a careful study of their character, to join with them in a particular robbery. l'hey carefully broach the subject to these men, and if they are willing they agree to give them all the way from $100 to 500 each. They are re quired to hold the horses and fire off guns and raise a racket while Jessie and Frank, with perhaps one or two experienced trusties do.the robbing. Immediately afterthe com pletion ot the job the farmers- are ipaid the stipulated sum, whether the haul is small or large, and then they ride to their homes, and the James boys strike out to a place of safety The men who have been inveigled into the job are never asked to go into-a similar un dertaking a second time, but they: ever after- I wards remain under the power and fear of the noted robber chieftains, upon whom they I dare not squeal, for by so doing they would I give themselves away. They always stand t ready to protect and secret the JaitesIboys when they are hard pressed. This-explaind why the James boys have eso many friends in Missouri, and why li IA so difficbilt to catch i them. It is as hard to find them lii Missouri Ic as it would be to find a tneedle :.i. .a hay- I stack." i sitting Banl afrad orea LJecom.iuve. BisMAuRc, August I. . BgjBull ar rived here yesterday. HUe a great fer of ilocomotives and goes by t'amb~i ~ He ar rives at Standing . .Rock toia 'y . The terror of the w. th hero of a hundred battJes, the Indlai brave who has never quailed' before t aGro1, the tomia hawk, or rifle, is afraidof; a Ilocoamott It I ,vincesh a power qitebeyoj his conpre.-r hension, and for· once he fi *le hiimselfswed a into a realizatin onf ~hs urer inabllty to m the.way i80ppedjfor 'better C is~s~ tha e rde l ri aten ha-e ever ad haroaron , o SEiptiopal Church services are held every Sunday at 11 ait. dtrf 7, p. AU.. ,Sunday .School air 20Op. m Rev. S. C. Blacklston, Pastor. Cathoic Chrch services will be held at the several chur hee as follows: Fort Benton-First and last iys o eiach' month. Sun River-Second Sunday bfretabb riatil. i Fort'AsSinaboin and Fort Shsaw 'al AOle tl)r.Thrdin.Sunday of each month. First Mass 8 a. m.; i igh Tss and.Sermon, 10:30 a. m; Sunday "chool, 2:30 P in; "ve ni.g Service and Lecture, T;30 p. M. jlte$itf. 3:. Ceap, S. 3' IF aSHE CojtD oNLY CooK? You have not changed, my Geraldine; Your voice is jest as sweet and low, You are as fairy-like in mein As four and twenty months ago. Since Hymen tied the fatal knot I've basked within your glance's beam; Your beauty has not dimmed a jot, You reahlize a poet's dream. A poet craves for boundless love And beauty of the first degree; I'd do with less than that my dove I'm much more moderate than he. The gleam from dark-fringed eyesids sent, The witchery of tone and look, I would forego to some extent, 3My Gcraldine-if you could cook! FLOATING FANCIES. The only form of oath among the Shos hone Indians is, "The earth hears me. The sun hears me. Shall I lie ?" And then the Big Chief does lie with double-barrelled men dacity. "Had drank" is not good English gram mar, says a high authority. It certainly is not. 'Was drunk" is better graglmar, and more Iin aCCOTnanie , u WiIu IlO. . .u tinsl Udi tf ten. A California astronomer claims to have discovered seven comets in a bunch the other evening, but he was just from the States and has not yet become accustomed to the coast brand of whisky. It was a Boston lad who, walking one day with his guardian, saw a drunken soldier in the street, and pointing to the recumbent fig ure, remarked, "Papa, I guess he doesn't belong to the standing army." A Chicago paper wants to have Guitteau talked to death by G. Francis Train. It might do. But we once heard of a sailor who was put into a cage with an anaconda by a cruel African king, that the anaconda might swallow him, and we believe the sail or swallowed the anaconda. The man who was decided upon as um pire of a brass band contest, in which 124 bands participated had a fleet horse ready and mounted it and fled the minute he had announced the award, thus escaping being tarred and feathered and dragged through a swamp. He knew his business. Young lady-"And you really mean to say that at times you do not have enough to eat. Why, I always thought that poor peo ple in the country could get eggs, bacon, milk and vegetables for nothing." Country woman--"Only three things as we gits for nuffin, Miss-air, water and the parson's ad vice." The latest wrinkle is a "postage stamp code," whereby the language of flirtation is spoken by means of placing the postage stamp in unusual and out-of-the-way posi tions on the envelope. For example, the stamp placed on the lower, left hand corner means "You are next to my heart," etc. The postal clerks are already up in rebellion against the innovation which doubles their lat or. Besides, all the feminine postal clerks have to spend half their time in read ing the sign language thus conveyed. It always produces a queer kind of sensa tion to meet a lady relative or friend after an absence of ten or fifteen years. You look at her and think "dear, dear, what a change to be sure, what an old looking hen she has rwr _ -u rnu uu sue oue atn you an thinks "well, well and the podgy, bald headed old rooster is all that is left of my handsome Jim, Dick, Bill, or whatever your hideous name may be." Then you both ex claim with one breath: "Why, how well you're looking, not a day older." What liars we mortals are. A man was brought up befor~ an Austin justiceof the peace charged with trying to pass a lead counterfeit dollar. "What do you mean by trying to palm off such a miserable counterfeit as that on the intelligent people of this university city ?" The prisoner said he didn't mean anything. "That will not go down with this court. You might have got a better counterfeit than that. How could yaouexpect to deceive the people with that sort of a coin ? If I couldn't get up a better counterfeit than that I would be ashamed of myself." "Well' Judge," said the counter feiter, "I am a business man and if you have any better counterfeit than that half dollar, show me the samples, and if the price suite I'll buy all my counterfeit money from you. If you don't like that I'll go in with you on shares." Judicial indignation and the committal followed. Around her waist I put my arms It felt as soft as cake; "Oh dear," said she, "what liberty You Printer men do take!" "Why yes, my Sal, my charming gal," I squeezed her some, I guess, "Can you say ought. my chick, against The freedom of the Press ?"' I kissed her some, I did, by gam She colored like a beet; Upon my living soul, she looked Almost too gool to eat! I gave her another buss, and then Says she, '"I do confess, I rather sorter kinder like The freedom of the Press !" relephonic Luommunilcatlon with Hea .el. [Elmira Free Press.] A mother living not very far from the post office in this city, tired with watching over a sick baby, came down stairs for a moment the other day for a few seconds' rest. She heard the voice of her little four-year-old girl in the hall by herself, and, curious to know to whom she was talking, stopped a moment at the half-open door. She saw that the little, thing had pulled a chair up in front of the telephone, and stood upon it, with the piece pressed against the side of her head. The earnestness of the child showed that she was in no playful mood, and this was the conversation the mother heard while the tears stood thick in her eyes, the little one c",rry ing on both sides as if she were repeating the answers: "Hello !" "Well, who's there ?" "Is God there ?" "Yes." "Is Jesus there ?" "Yes. " "Tell Jesus I want to speak to him." "Well." "Is that;you, Jesus ?" "Yea,. What is it, ?" "Our baby is sick, and we want you to let it get well. Won't you, now 7" No answer, and statement and question again repeated, finally answered by a "Yes." The little one put the ear piece back on its hook cilambered down from her chair, and withiiadiant face went for her mother, who canltshdler in her arms. The baby,, whose life had been despaired of; began Qo wend ~bat day and got well.