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i 11 uuuu UAiuii i- jj uiuiii 4""' c xmniu E2 I . 11KSRY CLAY i 2 i J LE, it i t I. 1 j VOLUME 9. XTVX. M. JONES, Notary Public, I U KLensburg, Ia. apr. '20. yt7iL.l-.lAM K1TTELL, Attorney at J Law, Lbcnsburg, Pa. I A:.,-, -t 13, 1 303. I T'-::N"' FENLON, Attorney at Law, I Sf! Ebensbnrsr. I'a. I'i f on Ilirb street. : I 'i 'I KOiluE M. KEAJ)L Attorney at Oiop in Colonnade Kuv. ftUglS I I vILUAM II. SECIJLEK. Attor-! ! ! v t Law, Kbpriffcurg, P.i. - r,-v ; e in Coloritind Row. V-. V.V.AKMPi. U ATM AN. Attor-j i , v- i.: Law, Kbeu.sLuijr, l'a. j .! v.tion paid to collections. i ' High street, wist ot.the !i- I apr. 2 J. i '.-: 1 ? J ft I i I- . TON & SUANLAN. AU0n.e3.sj i,l Law. E'r.pnsburg. li. opposite the t'ourt House. MOV. :U13 J. K. SC1M.AN jf AMES ( EASLY. Attorney at Law, j .' r rrollt o vrr.. f 'i loola i ount j, Pa. I Architectural ur.v,, ir.j.'3 Hud pec-.ft- .O III.'. ill, 1 j J. VA VA. .TiiNtu:.! of tl.o Wave I 4. I; . iK-r. v" n ' .i'ljj llV 1 1 ; T.v. ' l';-ja. : , c i J:''..t:i'luri:. '. 7. L I r A PI'-'K. Aii'in.es at j I.nw, Lot-; -1 .u r Va. r CHlce in Coioiiade liuw, with Win. ; Oct. ;-;:i:i'n ::TU A Y A. .T.:'ic' ot . rj i. c 1 ..ce, .M!u'f-t(, a. i'n. ' up c:i Market trtc't. corner cf !-- e::.e.;.l:, M-a .ioyr fcouth o ; j,ri . . , rv 1: ,v;::;iv'x, v. v., pi;icia:i it. i'a. ciisi.'l' Mnr.Mii i::,i:T.ci) isil- ; L ; EH.; LE!l- . . e . e .' K-.ienurg . -:i i . ii ' :. s -'.i-.-.citfd, k ;. .. i u C I! ..-,li.S -1' '' i v;o:.:;v. He ...ill Ledi..y el each ' '.; i'.ii -'i!r,jus On" V n "..I.-,' .-tful ; :'. ,. -i5. i;,. s,::s si in red no iae;;r.S to i .,:.r:'iv u.-o'if.int hi:r.?eli' h very nn- ; vr....-!.: in UlS all. . . intw:; ems vi ) : i'. tx-ri-.'nee, he !:.is ;out:.!.i to .i.-t,-.l eci"ienee . te highest ?.ut V'''-' : hontics ' I.r .......... ...u. II.- ..-..-.,- w u- .1 v.ay ': ii r.r.iite. 'IV til ie;r 1 work to ; san;:.-!'!. m:!.ro::D. n. n. s. ; : v..- ;t i;: - ' e . -1 i i:. .) :i '. ... '. t e S . a VfL on i i:e :oiu ii. . , .- . ' if f ' ;t.t Lo.mi ai.d V.ld. l:it'JfCr.l f.l. 1 : 4 . 1 . : i C l ' 1 I ! 1 " 1 :11L' . ,i i:t:unj noole tl.c L'aited iti:t-s. With i i o .g ll'.iiii.i-ss tiausaeted. i ' ; A i. r "i n a . 1 . :;.ei' til tit'u Mid S de. Me-n- i... h .: ;. payaoie- oa deinaii i, J : er ;,-... iiue, with ii:U'ict i ilii"' " i Tin L IJ NK V.i Jo:i:".stov, Venn.. ; $ .(, i i -.i oo 1 r 'i A tci. r-; l.)0.(-oo oo j ;11 li.!..n ) roreign Dralts, ; ,. ' , . " ". . , , cl.. et boverii- ; . , receive .loposit? ; 1 .an m ncf. ! ger...-r.l liankir. ousinrps. All .ra-t-d to of will receive prompt ! nd c.w, ai luodir-te pric-s. ilixc t:., I.Joii Hi iiiir.T. :ax, ;Jacou Lev KU'iooo, A:ibi:.rL. !JaMi::s Me'du.LKs. i J. MORRKLL. rrtsUhnt. - '-liZ s. Cashier. .', i';f' con l;ovo, Cut'.itr. had never dt tie before. 'Al'ON Aii iJANK j Warren Dagon was a brilliant eonver- OF ALT0ONA. : ationit, and few men couM be more fas i.AA .V7A Cl, j (.;Mating than he, for he had traveled ex- j ; i) STATES. land' when he choose to exert himself to o V "i-giMil mid A-mie Bta., North I please, his dark, eloquent eyes, pure clas :v;:zi : : UAL $300,000 On 1 i'iii. is 150,000 00 ' i.i.-.- 1 crtaiuing to Ranking done on -. h.-v.:.-i9 fvrainp? of all denomina- V,.; "9,of s,Rnilf, porccatapr,' in ; - Pe Rllowe.l. ftH f.-llnw fi0 tn 1 , .... allowed, R8 follows : i'- 'perrort . ciw . , . I i t prt. . v0C to 200, 3 per cent.: I tci rovarda, 4 per cent.' angl3 , i -AIlAM 11LA1NE llurlrr ' i.. . Ebknsecro Ta i h in tv" "a',mror''n5r, and Hair-dressing Sa'V00" Rr:ialic Bt.vle- 1 hcttse.tt tlrfcctlj opposite the "Moun-; L e " i TI0NAL SOAP AND CANDLE 1 ri5n, at city prtce sr., JOHNSTOWN TA. VIoEct Time. Violet time is come ngain ; Once more laughing through the rain, filing with sunnj crown advances. Sunshine glittering on hid laces. Long live Spring ! the rainbow arch Greets his coronation march ; Green his banners, t'ree and brave, From each tree top rustling wave. Birds before him fly in crowds ; East above him fly ihe cloudo. Swifter run rejoicing rivers ; Sur.l-enm ua.rts arc in his quiver. Where he treads primroses rise, And the daisies ope their eye? ; Itlackuirds sing in every bush, Answering the merry thrush. Swu'1'j-.vs are his heraLU fleet, Fater.than the pu!iJC3 beat ; ISullt-i iiie between the showers, 'i'tll tLe glad news to the llawer. Our old Monarch, Ywnter's dead ; liij crown 1 on another head ; Sr.ubciiir.d chase the envious rain ; ViuK-t tiim; is come agtin. mh, THE PARBLE-HEARTED. tiu (.;:o uanoitiL' v.ith L'.'Slie: Du you k,'.W ht-r, V;:v. V 'J !i0 Vt.'II) tl:;Cl :. J.liVSSoJ US Paul T&' :d to Jti. - j fc-i;!aj-s n.l luoked luiiraii.l steadily at e vt u.ig gill, atid replied, '"That is 3lira t iit; mart le-heai-ted." l.-v ih vtui rail her the marl le-heart- id." It k:oii!S a a ttraiiue name io hi tow - jn beautlllil woman. "Hv;, it u a strange name, but very ap .pviute for Vt-ndci' lady, who, as th..- stu- g-vs, :s Jie tae lecberi's oi the i'oiar i d. i..'.t f'r.ostu.n th, lit i: ti-s of the ;r.;:::c; I oniv usk why it v.n given her. l.ij . fhi.' is bj;:u:iful." rej.lied Paul, iearils ..i she is pretty. She has 'mi : i..d lli v-'iitiemt'ii ju s rootn J,...r i'a-t. l-iit treats them all alike," said ! bitter! c'!ie is heartless, and is a m-ftterv to us a.i V.':i'i"v !l i-'- ; i itr. Vj-o me, Paul. 1 like her appear j u::C0. i.'iU I am a stranger to all present. Ten rears i t a f.re;gn l.-md ler.ders one a :-lran--er to -..u l ami I v. -Vov wav Any am a ?tr..i:g r here." i v.'iii in traduce y..u v;tn plctsuru : but I caution you ana kindiy aditionu ii Jou unti ble. ai.d vour heait will havu to Ta ,. . . . 1 ' i i;.g u.T, 1 '1 IVIilCUiUer Mlei ia YOU. U , Il 1 .. . 1 . . 5 i-'-.-ei oil, i aui ; Mm uac e-tuu.Jiicu io my d in.irer, and I still remember tho old act. lire forewarned is forearmed. I ;n:i n-,t a boy, Paul, to break my heart f.r a woman." '.-.' he. ills often bend when men's Li'Cuk, ' s id I 'aul. M.a ;iv,.:iii whs prettv. and r.n oniv u.-.uy ::ter. iter silent, t. rounued tuiai was 1 i i i ret lir s n.meti v. Her small mouth. even, v, hite teeth, half seen when her ro.sy l;i-s uimple-l into smues, lier rich. black hair, which rippled over a broad '.shite brow, was looped up from her face, uv.d ta? failed :;t the back in a mass of shi- u 1 1 . :r tai ls, and gave a very beautiful effect apiv-aranee. She was also very j.v ttilv dleS'-d, being attirediu crimson v.'ith an overdress of rich black lace f-ened at the neck with a rcariet gera- n'um blofsom a cluster if the same gl j .n.ing i:i her hair. Mira cared more f..r buds and blossoms than for pearls and ,iHrnoiid3. She was gay and brilliant, yet vy'u0M ..,- fp l,er lovers whij-peicd of the -Vraiid passum, sue would Le a very she would be a 'ln ,iCr " a Ugh ty self-posession. AVarreu Dagon wa.i introduced, : nd was vcrv soon floating wich her through 'the i;Ufj0;ite n;..zes of the d inee. He raid her the most ..i-'.us -.ittcntiou thr ough- out the evening. Mira knew him by re port to be a gentleman of unbounded wealth at:d extensive travel. In bis com pr.nv. as the hours swept, swiftly by. her , i interest detrcned all the while in her 110 ; ble admuer. Her voung heart beat as it sic language ana high-bred elegance of manners, were irresistably charming. He evidently desired to please Mira, and his manners toward her implied as much. Mira listened, spell-bound, to his beau tiful conversation, thereby awakening the ;e.tlous indignation of a dozen other less . mm w i lortunate acmircrs. 1 ney ieit inemscives . , , , - . . . aggrieved, for she always treated them with such cool indifference. One lady, resplendent in brocade and diamondi. muttered to herself, "The marble-hearted warming at last. Mira cared little for admiration, and cfc8 for tbc opini0n of her fashionable friprula on froe.Itf exnressod. She was walking in the cool piazza in the moon light with young Dagon, listening to his musical voice, whose low, sweet tones were stirring a strange, wild melody in a heart that never before vibrated with loyo. She was listening to a thrilling descrip- EBENSBURG, PA., THURSDAY, MAY 6, tion of Rome, the -'eternal city enshrine; on the seven hills. lie delineated. 'w.'i an artist's enthusiasm, her grand old mar bles and inspired paintings, over which the dust and decay of ages rest, like the grey shroud on th e bo.soni of the dead. In eloquent language he described the won ders of disentomed Pompei. lie pictured temples, theatres and dwellings where lived and and loved the people of two thousand years ago. lie told her, in glow ing language, of the graceful minarets, feathery palms and grand and solemn pyr ;iniJo, UUJ while listening, tho seemed'' to scale with him the dangerous parses of the Alps, andj-tx.din breathless ; we look ing up the dizzy heights eruwued with ice and snow. And in imagination sie wondered down the golden Nile, and ad- ; mired the rich beauty of its fertile val- ; leys, rendered gloriously beautiful by its frequent inundations. His voice took a deeper" and sweeper tone when he des cribed the ruined cities of the far East, the f.ettid arches and vast cathedral aisles j of the Old World, made grand by the j w;rk (if art. and rainbow painted windows, 1 whosj artist's, dying, left immortal names ! behii.d them, "way marks for other gifted eplrii s, who are destined to follow them j down the broad aisle of coming aes. J .She drank in the tones of his softly I modulated oke. making no note af time. 1 When suo'ier was announced he led her the tabic. Jniriiiir tiie repast sue watched him narrowly, and whon wine was served she btcune pale with excite ment. .She offered him a glass with a smile: he gave her a searching look and refu.-ed it. calling fur water in its stead. 1 r-amot pledge you with wiie, for I dj nit drink it ; but with this glass of water, Nature's purest beverage, 1 drink to you. May love and happiness be your portion in life." ' Thank you." It was all she suiJ, but alright smile rewarded him better than word?. Miru had indeed met her afi'iity. Love budded in their hearts that night, and ere the year had passed it blossomed into a hymenial wreath. It was moonlight upon the liaison. The home to which Warren Dag.;ii iuuk his young bride was heautuul with vines ;inJ summer blossoms. lie and Mira ! wcre walking arm iu arm on tlo i'o i WTt f,.nv..----c -- .i.w j. - milling , bright dreamy f the future long years ! to coisu, crowned wiih earii.ly liappiness. i I never cou'd com p rebuild the reason j that your friends called you marble-h Jart- ! j j. You were never eold to me. darling," ,.id he, drawing hcruown to ;; Leat bv his j j It is a sad story, dear husband : let j us sit here in the moonlight, iv 1 will tell you of my fair yaung sitt ;r who died three years ago. 1 shall never again meet a spirit like hers, so proud, so jure aud free. Elsie was but seventeen whed the gave her heart to Atwell Chandl. r. He loved the vvii.e cup better. He was uo ordinary man ; many and rich were t V gifts bi stowed upon him by nature. was a dark haired mm. with eyes oi i ;re deoth aud feeling. He was verr hat o'.me; in manner he was geulienjatily and jdeasiug. We all htved him ; father loved him as a son. and no gave him illsle. They were married and went to dwell in his beautiful heme i-i the South, and for a few years they were happy J hvn At .ii uegan u lie-i eel iiis t .; 11 . 1 1 ncss for a uownwaiu -ath, v.hieh ti. i.u in the diuiikard's grave. Five years from her bridal Elsie came home broken-hearted. Atwell died by his own hand, for they found him in the summer-house with his braius blown out by a pistol &hot ; and mv dear beautiful sistor came to her girlhood's home broken-hearted ; came home to die. Tt was just such a night like this, a beautiful night io midsummer, when El-io u ed. She lay up m her pillow looking so shite aad fair. Sii3 was perfectly calm ; ik. fe..r of death turiKtd her pure spirit; I.LI lac-S nuuiu nue ii.auueu iu u.a ..--.. ....'! .j 'v-rr was so spiiiti:al in it childiiko beauty. If ilic Miiuels 00 the other shore are fiirer taau E.sie in her dying hour, then indeed wi'-l heaven be glorious in its brii;htne-s. "I knew that she was dying, fr I saw the hue of doulh tteal over lier leatures. Her bright eye weie growiug dim to earth ly sight, )ct they had a s'.iauge inward liyht, as though tier spirit had peueSru'ed the gloom of the iLtmoital diy, which thines with etcroal Mimmers iu the city ol (Jod. As I sto.'d by her bed.-ide m dat eiii.. her bps with water, acd wiping the cold dews of death from her forehead, her leij silken eye-lashes were lifted for a moment, aui fixing her eyes upon me with un cxpicssion of earnestness and tender ness, she twid : "Mira, si-ter, this is death. My weary feet are even now treading the brink of the river that rolls between the other world and this ; 1 do not fear to dio ; 'tis joy un utterable to know that I am almost home. Poor Atwell ! I shall eoon meet him again. The morning of his life was very fair, giv ing promise of a long and useful day ; but his sun went down in darkness before it had reached the meridian, and his own hand hastened ita untimely setting. I truet I may him in the land to which I am goiug. Mira, promise me that you will never marry a man who is not temper ate for intemperance ia the fountaia of uiis'ery. Think how many bright homes are made desolate by it. Fatheilcsi and motherless godowuin sorrow to the grave, and wives aud little children are made to suffer more than death by intemperance. O, MiraI would far rather have you die now, while your heart is pure and Iree from sorrow, than have jou'livo, and in the i r.g years to came, iiud minerv and woe m a drunkard's Lome. Ilemember poor Atwell, and promise what I wish." 4,l promise, and may heaven help me to keep my eccret," I replied. She smiled and whispered, "I urn going io sleep ; pjaxA .;Kf.t, "-tei." "ic wa3 a very long good tdght to mo, lor ere the ri-ingof ike morning star, Elsie, my beautiful tinier, ' Lad irone to meet heriiou. "There was uot one in all my circle of friends aud tcquaititaueoa who refused wine in the festive hails, and many of them cmbibed freely of strong stimulants. I turned coldly from them all. There w&s nothing toattraet my love, and I could not marry any one of them aud keep my promise to Elsie. I kept my promise sa credly uribrokeu, and my coolness to ail who whispered of love, woo for me the name of '-marble hearted.' " 'Till I came, darliug," he said, diawing her nearer to hii bosom. uYe, till you came; and, though Iluvcd you dearly, had you drank that glass of j wine, I should have refused to marry you. j from the French .raiVr, to cut); cloth Oh, Warren, you cun rsever Lnov what j dealer, for draper ; foot-folk, for infantry ; unutterable j y I experienced when yeu : riders, for cavalry. refused the cup I offered you." j And it is another fact noticeable in this May heaven and the spirit of your sweet j Mster help me to be worthy ot jgut love, for it was the happiest hour of my hie, when 1 met wirh Mira, the 'marble Leart cd'" eaid he, smilimr. "Yes, it was a happy hour, anJ I kiow by the sweet coi teut of my heart to-night, that the spirit of Ebue n smiling upou me for having io faithfully kept my promise." JLSotv Iins are Sliide. The pin machine is one of the c'oscst approaches that meehani.-s have made to the dexterity oi the human hand. A small machine, about ;'.e height and size of a lady's f-ewin r.;.-:h;tie, only uv;ch .;i .:!:.! r. u i. i. i I bhi sal', at toe ceil;'1'' iniuc.", laogca ;,, iev;s o:i tnu lioor. (Ju ! lb left ride of our miefiios hangs, on u ; peg, small reel of wire, that ha beer. 1 straightened by lunning through a co:- j pound fJStCW oi 13 all roRiTS. 1 be Wire de.rceods uad !hc end of it enters tho ma-! chiue. This is the food consumed by this ! through the "ragpicker" a lot of old cloth stmppish, voracious little dwarf. Ila j ulls j p0,. s attention was attracted to some it iu and bites it off by inches incessantly, a huodred aud forty bites to the minute. Just as ho reizes each bite, a saucy littie h :niuier, with a cancave fa;e, hits the end of the wire three taps and -upsets" ii to a head, while he gripes -n iu a counter sunk hole between bis teeth. With an outward thrust of his tongue ho then lays the pin Mdeways in a little groove across the vim of a small wheel that slowly re volves j 1st under his Lose. ly th exter nal ?. re-sure -f a s'ationary hoop these i.ir,-i in their place-, s they aro ear ned . dtr two series ot un til tiles, three iu each. These ti'e-: grow finer taward the end yf the series. They lie at a slight ia- titijalioii on ihe pins, and by h series of clams, levers and spnu;!f, are made to play ! -hich. was ground up in the "ragpicker. iiLc- lightning. 'i'Rus t!:? piui are -iropp;. I ; ja a small bunch of the debris uken un iu a Utile showei ia'w a hex. Twenty- regard to the contents, there were t igh. pounds ate a day's work for one of j twenty pieces with S100 on them. Now these little automatons. Forty machiaes j thut it is too late to effect anything of con un tlis floor make five hundred and sixty j sequence in the matter, we learn that the pounis of pins daily. These are then pol- j finder of those ureenback scraps intends islu d. Tvo very intelligent machines re- I ject every crooked pin, even the jdihte.st irregularity from being delected. Anoth er &s't maturi assorts hail u dozen lengths in as moy boxes, all at ouce, and uner ringly, when a careless operator has mixed the lontents of boxes from various ma chims. Lastly, a perfect genius of a ma ehiuj lianas the pins by the heals in an 4 SiiiMMJ-pbtwa- rrKdh-aa -ta tay -felots as there are pius in a ro'v on the papers. Thibo slots converge iuro the exact spaee seaming the length cf a row. Under ilieiu runs the strip ol pin paper. A barb likepartof ihe machine catches oue pin from each' of the slots as it falls, and by oue tiovement slicks them all through the corrtgated ridges in the paper, from which they are to be picked by taper finders in boudjris and ail forts of human circum stances. A Couple of travelers who were look ing fr land, chanced to "lay over" at a f:irm hnnsa Jn :i una reel V settled district in xvansis. ine uouse uau omj unu eni, and tae accommodations were of the most primeval character. When bed time ap proached, a piece of blanket was hung across the room, the travelers took their moiety of the apartment, and darkness and eilence reigned throughout the dwelling. It appears that the chickens, for want of a better place, roosted on the flour barrel, and when it was supposed that "nature's sweet restorer,, had got hold of the guest, the good wife thus addressed her liege lord : "I say, John, if you're "going to keep a hotel you must maks sornj different ar rangements' "Why, Sarah Jane?" returned the sleepy husband. "Decause I'm not going to get up in this fix to turn the tails of them chickens" 18.09. TSie CJse of Saxou Words. It is well known that the English lan guage has received many words of latin origin, as the result of the Norruau con quest in 106G, and through the cultivation of Latin classics. What our language would have been without the use of words thus introduced, is a curious problem. Dean Trench suggests that, confining our selves to the use of pure Saxon words, we tnijiht have said - end-waM fur desert; blood-bath, for massacro ; sin-flood for del uge ; sea-robber, for pirate ; water-fright, for hydrophobia ; show-holiness, forhvpoc- racy ; gold-hoard, for treasurer; well-will-ingness, for benevolence ; undeadlincss, for immortality; uutellable, for ineffable; gtvat-doingiy, for magnificently ; sour dough, for leaveu ; uncunningness, for ignorance; eye-bite, for faciuate; eugripe, for embrace; ear-shrift for auricular con fession ; dipper, for Baptist, cto. Those familiar with the German lan guage will notice that the Saxon elements, having but little outside influence to pre vent their natural expausion iu that lan guage, have taken nearly the form suggested above. Thus we have finger-hat for thim ble ; room man for carpenter ; cutter, for tailor ; four word tailor means a cutter, connection, that there are a largo class of words in which we do now use Saxon com pounds, instead of borrowed words, that are to common ears purely conventional and meaningless. Wo give a few among the many : Mus.ic-teacher, book-binder, writing-desk, book-case, watch-pocket, ink stand, pin-cushion, gold-s'uith, watch-maker, paper-dealer, etc. Why could we not sny cloth-dealer as well as paper-dealer? The merest tyro in our laugua5e would know readily the meaning of cloth-dealer ; while wc presume there are millions who speak the English language, who could not I tell wnetuer a draper dealt in ciotn or irou, i or lumber; not ever having seen the Freueh i word tlrap. So silk-deahr is expressive i and sufficiently elegant ; but mercer mer- i tv ! a scholar could scarcely remember it, unless richer than scholars aro apt to be. A fe-w days ago, when one of the cm- .' T.h,,-.,.., ,,? Chirk X: r.'s rawr mill near Zy A,!,-..-,iAf, rni"rd in running bits of greenish paper which had gone through the machine. Un closer inspec- j tvn proved to be scraps of green- , backs, which had been clipped into pieces ky t'l30 knives in the '-picier !" The man found a hat full of those scraps, aud in stead of gathering them up carefully, and devoting a portion of his valuable time in fitting the scraps together, he picked up a portion of the valuable debris, and gave them to friends as evidences of a cutious discovery he had made of a fortune which had been run through a mill ! The scraps are of the denominations of 65, 810, ?20, $50. and $100, and an estimate made from ! the quantity of pieces found indicates that I not less than 3!000 was in thj package to try aud make a collection of them, and lit the pieces logemer. j. nc mvvi jr i v... money getting into the picker, is that the coat which contained the money was one of a lot of soldiers blouses, which were collected at different points; and that the money was sewed in the breast of a blouse which belonged to an officer who had died iu a hospital, and the secret of the green backs died with him. Bounties the poor fellows's family often wondered what be came of his money, and the rag-picker has solved the mystery, but unfortunately to no good purpose Dayton Journal. 1 m Some Western editor has been puffing a barkeeper. Hear him : "Mr. James Smitherman, proprietor of the above insti tution, last week asked us to give him or it a puff, at the same time handing us a orftonback whose dimensions we shall not ! . 1IT 1 .1 il " I . mention. V c ao not Know auyiuing aoout said saloon, but Jim s tys he keeps splen did whisky T, and never sells mean oh no. Jim thiuks the weary traveler should fetop at his ranche and 'wet his whistle,' as it would help him along amazingly. No doubt it would help him. to squander his money, waste his time, destroy his health, beggar hi family, gain the costumely of society, embitter his whole life, make a widow of his wife, and orphans of his chil dren, cause him to fill a drunkard's grave, damn his soul and make more work for tb.3 devil. Does this puff suit you, Jim? If not, wo will refund the money." A ruined debtor having done his utmost to satisfy his creditors, said to them : "Gentlemen, I have been extremely per plexed till now how to satisfy you ; but. having used my utmost endeavor I shall leave you to satisfy yourselves." m Subscribe for this payer. NUMBER 39 Fattier SiuilEi and .Ha'tuu Jonet. Widower Smith's wagon stopped one morning before widow Jone's door, and he gave the usual country signal, that he wauted somebody in the house, by drop ping the reins, and setting double, with his elbowes cn his knees. Out tripped the widow, hvely as a cricket, with a tremen dous black ribbon on her snow-white cap. Good morning was soon said on Loth sides and the widow waited for what was futhex to be said. "Well, Ma'am Jones, perhaps you don't want to sell one of your cews, no how, for nothing, any way, do you ?" "Well, there. Mr. Smith, you couldn't have spoke my miud better. A poor, lone widder, like me does not know what to do with so many critters, and I should be glad to trade if we can fix it." So they adjourned to the meadW. Father Smith looked at Roan then at the widow at the Downing cow and at tho widow again and so on through the whole forty. The same call was made every day for a week, but Farmer Smith on Satur day, when widow Jones was in a hurry to get through with her baking for Sunday and "ever so much" to do in the house, as well as farmers' wives and widows have on Saturday, the was a little impatient. Farmer Smith was as irresolute as ever. "That ere Downing cow is a pretty fair cretur" but he stopped to glance at the widow's face, acd then walked round her not the widow but the cow. "That ere short horn Durham is not a bad looking beast, but I don't know an other look at the widow. "The Downing cow I knew before the late Mr. Jones, bought her." Here ho sighed at the allusion to tho late Mr. Jones, she sighed and both looked at each other. It was a highly interesting mo ment. ' Old Roan is a faithful old milch, and so ia Brindie but I have known better." A long stare followed this speech the pam:e was getting awkward, and tt last Mrs. Jones broke cu. "Lord ? Mr. Smith, if I'm the one you want, do say so 1 'ihe intentions of the widower Smith and thewidow Jones were duly published the next day, as is the law and the custom iu Massachusetts; and a3 soon as they were "outpublished," they were married. - mn . Josfc miliars insures His Life I kum to the conclusion Intely that life was 60 unsartin that the only wa for me to stand a fair chance with other folks wns to get my life insured, andso lealled on the ayent of tho Garden Angel Life Insurance Company, and answered the following questions which wus put to mo over the fop ov a pair ov coll spscks, by a &lick, I t le, fa: old fellei, with a little, round. j gray head, and az pretty a little ic-Uy ai I cuny man ever owned : QUESTIONS. 1. Are you male or female Ifeo,(ate how long you have been eo. 2. Are you tubject to fits, and if so, da ycu have more than one at a time ? 3. What i your precise fiteing weight. 4. Did you ever have ccoy anceators, aud if so, how much ? 5. What iz your legal opinion of the constitutionality or the 10 command ments ? 0 Do yi ever have ency nitemare ? 7. Are you mairied, and live tingle, er are yu a bachelor '( 8. Do yu beleave in a future state, and if fo, state it. 9. What are jure private sentiments about a rush ov rata to the head caa it be did successfully ? 10. Have jn ever committed suicide, and it so, how doci it feem to affect yu ? 11. Did yu ever have the meezles, aod if so, how many ? Afteran9weringthe above questions like a man, on the confirmative, the sliok lit tle, fat old fellow, with gold specks on, ced I was ingured for life, and probably would remain for a term ov years. I thanked him and smiled one ov my most pensive smiles. o Table cf contents - the dinner table. The oldest woman's club the broom' stick. In west Va , 50,000 acres of land have been sold for 25 cents an acre. "I am afraid you will come to want," said an old lady to her daughter. "I have come to want already," was tho reply, "I want a nice young man." Horace Gbeelt Fays that the darkest day in any man's experience is that where in he fancies there is some easier way of gaining a dollar than by squarely earn ing it. Josh Billings says : When a young man ain't good for anything else, I like to see him carry a gold-headed cane. If he can't buy a cane, let him part his hair in the middle ! Jos Billing s was acked, "How fat does a sound travel?" and his opin ion is that it depends a good deal upon noise you aro talking about "The sound of- a dinner horn, for instance, travel half a mile in a second, while an invita tion to get up iu the morning I have known to be 3 quirt ea uv an hour going up 2 pair rf stairs, and then not strength left to be ht-ttrd." 1