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The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, January 03, 1891, Image 5

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S
I L
THE SALT LAKE HERALD SATURDAY JA UAUT 3 1891
nrYES AND TOUGaS
An Old Officer Says They Are One
and Inseparable
SOW ORDINANCES ARE VIOLATED
It the Laws are Enforced and Dives Sup
pressed the Toughs Will Soon Disap
pear The Police Force
How would you go to work to rid the
city of the thugs and thieves that now in
fest iU
This was a query put to a member of the
old police force yesterday
hI do not care to make any suggestions
unless you agree that my name is not to be
used in connection with their publication
lie said or else may be accused of office
hunting or something akin to it The fact
or the whole matter is that times are much
different now than when I was on the
orce the population has largely increased
there is a much greater percentage of
the tough clement there are more sa
loons and dives and a better opportunity to
dispose of stolen goods I well remember
the time when the words Salt Lake would
cause cold chills to run down the spinal
column of the average touah and he
I avoided this city as though it were a pesti
lence I have seen half a dozen toughs ar
rive at a railway station but they never
got up town The officers in charge there
were in the habit of walking up to such
persons tapping them on the shoulder and
inviting them to leave Some would pro
test but they were always informed that if
they were caught on the streets of Salt
Lake alter tho warning they would be run
in and no questions asked As a
rule the second warning was suffi
cient if not the arrest that followed
was sure to be This policy had
the effect of frightening off a great many
who would otherwise have remained and
caused us any amount of trouble
You would advise that this policy bo
pursued 1
Most certainly and if it were put in
practice good results would soon be made
manifest Another thing that should be
done is to revoke the license of all saloons
where the toughs are in the habit of con
gregating There are halfadozen resorts
in this city that would bo a disgrace to the
toughest railroad town or mining camp in
the west I need not name these They
are wellknown to the public and to the po
lice Villainousfaced toughs who would
cut a mans throat for a dollar may be seen
hanging around these places at all hours of
the day and night I do not say that the
proprietors of these dens shield the crimin
als but I do say they encourage their pres
ence for the patronage obtained The dol
lar of the tough is as good to them as any
otherBut
But where is tho evidence that could be
gathered
It could be obtained every night in
the weekSundays not excepted There
is an ordinance that forbids throwing dice
or playing cards in any place where liquor
is sold This is violated openly and fla
grantly and the saloon men arc under
bonds to comply with the ordinance This
alone is sufficient to revoke a license when
persisted in There is another ordin
ance making it obligatory upon
saloonkeepers to maintain order
on their premises This is broken every
hour in the day There is another ordinance
forbidding music or singing in saloons or
other places where liquor is dispensed
This is also violated openly and flagrantly
Each and any of these violations would be
sufficient to guarantee the city council in
revoking or refusing to renew licenses
Stamp out the dives and the criminals and
tough classes generally will go with them
Dives protect criminals to a greater or
lesser degree I would also detail a number
of the present force to wear plain clothes at
all times and their business would be to cir
culate freely among such places as need
watching I believe in a uniform
for the police force on
gen
eral principles but there is much
necessary work that can be done much bo
ter if the officer is unknown to the men by
whom he is surrounded There was a time
when the saloons were pretty well
bunched together and then there was not
so much difficulty in keeping an eye on the
frequenters of such places Now they are
scattered over a much larger area audit is
at the outoftheway places where more
liberty is taken and it is in such saloons
that crime is hatched
Do you think the present force is large
enough to cope with the criminals now in
the city 3
Really I could not say how many mem
bers are on the force now for it is a matter
to which I have given but little atten
tion since I retired about ten
months ago The rule though I believe
throughout the country is one officer to
every thousand inhabitants I do not
know but that in a city like Salt Lake
which is scattered over so much ground
this number should be sightly increased
One experienced officer to every thousand
citizens is generally considered the correct
thing
SEEKING RAYMONDS FREEDOM
Judge Powers Moving the Earth In Behalf of
His Client
Judge O W Powers counsel for Frank
T Raymond imprisoned in the county jail
on the charge of murdering R J OBrien
on the 21st ult appeared before Judge
Zane in chambers yesterday and made a
motion that his client be admitted to bail
The application was made on the strength
of the testimony adduced at the prelimi
nary examination of tho prisoner and cer
tain affidavits secured since that time
District Attorney Varian opposed the ap
plication on tile ground that none of the
persons named in the affidavits submitted
were called at the preliminary examina
tion although they were in the city at the
time If the matter were to be reopened
he wanted a chance to examine the affiants
in order to ascertain if their testimony
could not have been secured at the exami
nation before the police magistrate
Judge Powers replied that at the pre
liminary examination ho had sought to have
these people summoned as he had specified
them as eyewitnecses to the killing Some
of them were in the court room during the
examination and one was actually sworn
but net called Justice Laney had
overruled his request He had then
asked for a continuance of the
case until the following morning
in order to secure additional testimony but
this request was also denied the magistrate
demanding that the case be concluded on
the same day
Mr Varian asserted that one of the af
fiants a bartender in the employ of the
prisoner was present in court when the
preliminary examination began but left
soon thereafter having been tola that he
would not be called
County Attorney Murphy here read an
extract from the statutes showing that the
preliminary examination could not be post
poned to another session except by affidavit
showing good cause for continuance
Judge Powers contended that the affida
vits submitted to the court showed conclu
sively that his client was entitled to bail
and he averred that under tho circumstan
ces it was the plain duty of the court to or
der a writ of habeas corpus
The court asserted that all the eyewit
nesses ought to be present
Mr Varian replied that ho would see to
it that the eyewitnesses of the killing
were subpoenaed if action on the motion
were postponed for a few days
The court thereupon sot Thursday next
week for the hearing of the motion
¼
Judge Zane in Chambers
Judge Zane in chambers yesterday
heard the report of the receiver in the case
of John Blazzard vs Lucy D Watts et al
report filed and approved by the court al
lowance of S i5 made to receiver who was
discharged
In the case of A C Ewing vs H P Fol
som judgment for plaintiff in default for
32515 and costs of suit
In the case of the People vs Frank Ray
mond murder motion to admit to bail
motion setforbearing January S 1
Routine Business in the Third District
In the Third district court yesterday the
following cases were disposed of by Judge
Anderson
G S Ellis vs W H Porter et al mo
tion for nonsuit overruled case argued
and taken under advisement
Jos G Burnswood et al Vs Frederick
G Lyndberg motion to dismiss appeal
sustained
Victoria Copper Mining company vs
Wm Haws etal motion overruled to va
cate order granting extension of time for
defendants to file motion and statement for
new triaL
The following cases are docketed in this
court
Januarys W H Gibson vs DeWittB
Lowe on motion to set aside judgment
January 3T W Eardley vs D D
Houtz et al demurrer
January 5Margaret Reipen vs Fritz
Reipen divorce
January G Bolivar Roberts vs Nephi
Clayton de facto territorial treasurer
In the Probate Court
Estate of William C Staines executors
account allowed
Estate and guardianship of John M
Morgan ot al order allowing account and
discharging guardian
Estate of Ellen B Haight January 24
1891 fixed as the time for hearing final ac
count and distribution o
Estate of Norah Buch a minor petition
of William Henefer and wife for adoption
case continued to January 291S91
Estate of John Snider order of sale of
real estate as1 prayed
THREE OF A KIND
A Trio of Burglars Yery Neatly
Nabbed
A FINE KIT OF TOOLS FOUND
Footpads Attempt to Hold Up J G McAllister
But He Stands Them Off
in Good Shape
At a late hour last night three fellows
were arrested two of whom at least will
have to answer to tho charge of burglary
and it is possible that the third will also bo
held on the sanie charge A kit of burg II
lars tools was also discovered in connec
tion with the gang Two of the fellows
are now at the county jail and they answer
to the names of John Wilson and Berty
Holloway The other is at the city
jail but as the marshal had not reached
police headquarters when THE HEKALD
went to press further particulars can not
be given now The officers however
re i
gard it as a very neat catch
Two Footpads Attempt to Hold tip J G McAl 1
Hsier but Fail
ANOTUEU holdup a little more daring than
nsual occurred early yesterday mornin g
About 1 oclock J M McAllister was driving
along the street In his
buggy and when he ar
rived at the corner of Fourth East and First
south ho noticed two men one on each side of
the street and suspicions were aroused Ho
drew his revolver and held it in readiness and
just as he crossed the walk one of the men or
dered him to hold up his hands while the other
made a rush for his horses head The horse
jumped and Mr McAllister fired two shots at
the Iootpads who took to their heels Mr Mc
Allister says the moon was shining brightly but
he could not distinguish tho faces of the men
one of them appearing to have on a mask He
says one of the toughs was very tall while the
other was of medium size
1
CUTTING DOWN A BOY
She Proposed to Maintain Discipline and
Did It
I was driving along a highway in Woods
county 0 with a man who was selling
farming machines to farmers and about 21
oclock in the afternoon we came along to
a district school house The schoolmaam
and about twenty scholars stood under an
elm tree about forty feet high near the
house and in the topmost branches of the
tree was a boy about 14 years old
Anything wrong hcreP asked my
friend as we halted before the door
Budd Hawkins says he wont and the
teacher says ho must called a little girl
The teacher herself then came forward
She was a plain looking girl of about 20
with a mouth showing great firmness and
with some embarrassment she explained
Its the terror of the school He re
fused to mind and I started to whip him
He broke away and ran out and climbed
the tree Ive been up abbut twenty feet
but had to give it up and come down
Yer caut conquerme shouted the boy
Budd order you to come down
I wont
I have sent for an ar and hero it
comes she said as she turned to us Hell I
come down with the tree if not before II
We offered to use the ax but she de
clined the offer with thanks and stepping
to the tree she swung the implement
around and buried the blade in the wood
You dasntl shouted Budd from the I
topIll
Ill do it or resign she answered as
she struck several blows
At the end of three minutes the tree be
gan to totter and Budd to yell in alarm
and a few seconds later it fell with a crash
I thought the boy was badly hurt if not
killed and was relieved as the schoolmaam
sprang forward yanked him out of tho
branches and while applying a gad with
one hand she pulled him into the school L
house with the other saying
Now Budd Hawkins youve got to do
some of the awfulest begging ever heard
of in the state of Ohio or I wont leave
enough hide on you for a flea to bite
He was hard at it when wo drove on
New York Sun
A Prodigal Mother
And you are determined on this shame
ful e = extravagance Allcgretta demanded I
the husband of the worldfamous soprano
as he gazed with a hagard frown into tho
face of the peerless woman who stood be
fore him with the light of a firm reso
lution in every lineament of her classic
countenance
Iain Giuseppe Consider the season Re
member a mothers love for her only child
i Look at dear baby as he lies slumbering
here in his little nest Ab Giuseppe the
mother must sometimes overcome tho
woman Combat rue no more I will do
itbut this once and this once only
Be it so then assented her husband
sadly but breath no word of your weak
ness to any human being or your narao
will be a byword among lyric artists
You can trust me Giuseppe proudly
returned the diva and bending softly over i
the cot she sung a 1000 lullaby to tho
dreaming infant
Allegretta groaned her husband this
extravagance breaks my heart and with
a heavy sigh he resumed his monotonous
occupation of passing government bonds
through a patent coupon cutter Pack
Tea and Coffee
I never did think this country was al
together right in going to war in the Revo
lution over a lot of miserable tea
The old boarder macho the remark and
attracted general attention for when he
spoke at all he generally said something
Why Mr Dingus asked the mistress
affably
Well 1 speaking from what know of it
it was certainly a weak pretense for fight
ing but if it had been over certain kinds
of coffee from which parts of this country
have long been suffering Id not only ap
prove of rebellion but even go fight my jl
self Philadelphia Times
PRO YO UNION DEPOT
Good Prospects that it Will be
Built at Once
REAL ESTATE QUITE ACTIVEr
A Steamship Line Across the lake Is Pro
posed and Will Soon Materialize
4 Other Business Notes
The rumor that the Union Pacific com
pany were about to construct a new depot
for Provo spread from tongue to tongue
with the rapidity of wild fire The people
of this prosperous city had begun to think
that the above company were entirely
neglectful of any improvements here and a
report to the effect that a building of a
creditable kind would be erected was the
occasion of the greatest delight Inquiries
of the officials of the road develope nothing
definite except that word had been received
fronvtho general office that there were to be
considerable improvements made at Provo
It is evident that the magnates of this line
have fully seen the fact that the public
have suffered much through the incon
veniences of getting to and from their little
red house and have determined to do to
them the justice of building a good depot
Tho Rio Grande Western company will also
make elaborate Improvements besides put
ting up one of the finest depots on tho line
Intelligence to tho effect that plans were
out for the depot was given by an agent of
the road who knows whereof he speaks
The feasibility of putting in a union depot
is so apparent that it is almost certain that
before building commences the question
will be seriously considered
OEXEKit NEWS NOTES
Now that the money market is becoming
easier there is beginning to be some activ
ity in real estate The sales for a week
past have been considerable and a great
many letters of inquiry as to the prices
which are comparatively low have been
received
Negotiations for thirty feet of business
property on Centre street are being made
by parties from Denver on which to erect
a business house
Four balls were given last evening all of
which were well attended Tho ball at
Coxs hall was particularly popular and
gayety was at its highest ebb Those at the
Excelsior hall opera house and Third ward
were the scenes of much jubilancy The
next society event will be a grand ball
given by tho Excelsior club which wIll
probably take place Friday January 9
A movement is on foot for a foost worthy
enterprise for Provo which will be oper
ated by parties from Denver and that is i
the construction of a steamship line across
the lake Tho matter has for some tinn
been the subject of newspaper talk but
nothing definite was accomplished Local
capitalists who are interested state that
money is in the bank sufficient to insure
transportation across Utah lake in a
steamer of fortyhorse power Work will
begin in about two weeks on tho steamer
which will be built within our city
A petition is being circulated for the con
struction of a school house for Ward Three
If ever a ward needed a school house it is
that one O
PKOVO Jan 2
Traveling toilet and manacure sets
BASTTEIIKT MER Co 142 Main St
Sohmer Pianos
James G McDonald Co candies
WIFTG SPECWC
S
FOR renovating tJi
t entire system eliminating
all Poisons front i Blood
whether of scrofulous of
malarial origin this rep o
aration has no equal
S S
For eighteen months Jima an
eating ore on my tongue I was
treated by best local physicians
but obtained no relief the sore
gradually grew worse finally
took S S S and was entirely
cured after using few bottles
C B McLEMORE
Hendason Tex
S TREATISE on G Blood and Skin
fJ I Diseases mailed free
THE SWIFT SPECTFC
rt Atlanta GS
SALT LAKE THEATRE
CHAS S Bnurov Manager
LAST DA OF THE OPERA
MATINEE TODAY
At 2
Appearance of the Famous EMMA
rJI
7
1
h tJi
vr
I
= J J 1
ch
or
0 L
v r < Itilt
r f
ftl
1 t r ti J
X MMIHi
AT11
se4ecattct3b1 5 y
GRAND ENGLISH OPERA COMPANY
Lareest Strongest and Only Successful
English Opera Company In America
Abbott Annondale Mtrella Michelena
Pache Rudolph Du BoIs Pruette Brodenck
Keadv Karl Borovik Miss Broderick Vcr
flea El1crin ton
GRAND CHORU3 AND ORCHESTRA
Herr Albert Krausse Director
In the following Brilliant Repertoire
ToDay at 2 pm
GRAND MATINEE I
THe
JIk1E of NORld NDY
TO = NIGHT4
FRA DIAVOLO
FranklinA venue Theatre
CHAS F REYNOLDS Co Proprietors
JAS C FLYNN Director of Amusements
The Only Vaudeville Theatre
In the City
Playing nothing but the Best
Eastern and San Francisco Attractions 3
EVERY EVENING AT 8 OCLOCK
Grand Change of Programme Each Week
PRICES 25 and 50 Cents
Del KENOOEDV S
A VOlUTE
r REIIEDY
Is the only positive cure for DYSPEPSIA
CONSTIPATION LIVER and KIDNEY DIS
EASES and ia recommended by physicians
when other medicines fall Thousands test f3
to its having saved their lives To Mothers and
Daughters it has proved a blessing 1 bottle
6 for So All Dealers
A FAMILY JEWEL1 beautiful illustrated
loof IIow to Cure all Mood and Aidney Diseases
mailed free Address naming this paper
Dr DAVID KENNEDY COEPN Eondont N Y
L W CLARK Local Agent
IE J Lemps St Louis Beer
Beer in Cases to Families 2 dozen quart
I 425 per case rebate of 5100 on return of
I Trade case Special Prices to the Wholesale
LEAVE ORDERS AT THE
RESORT SALOON J5
276 S Main or Telephone 334
BOTTLING WORKS Third West and
South Telephone 380 andElghth
L W DITTilANN Agen I
I
FIRE
COMPANIES
ru LlER ASSETS OVBB
18000000
AND
LIFE
ASSETS COMPANIES 12000000 OVER 110 U i i it
SPECIAL NOTICE
iI I i
ANY PERSON OR PERSONS HAVING
L1 Cottages or Residences for rent accounts
for collection or wishing to cither pttrcbaMc or
gell a business of any description will lied It to
their advantage to call on LEON DELANEY
of the Salt Lake General Commercial Agency
for wo have tenants for residences with from
two to eight rooms in all parts of tho city
Restaurants Laundries Groceries Lodging
Houses Meat Markets etc for sale
I HONEY TO LOAH 157 S MAIN
I
CLOAK SALE
CLOAK SALE CLOAK SALE
Great Sale of Cloaks
AT
COHN BROS
CLOASALE CLOAK SALE
Every Plush Garment in i
our stock at 33 per cent
Less Than Former Prices
CLOAK SALE CLOAK SALE
BRAIDED CLOTH WRAPS
25 Per Cent
BELO W COS T
Every Variety of Cloth Jackets
IT 1 A TI A T P r n v c
CLOAK SALE CLOAK SALE
tjI JUkII iJiiJiIi at Actual Manufac UJJULtIt ± 1J
turers Cost
5 2
r
fill fees and Childrens Garments
MARKED DOWN TO
Seventyfive Cents on the Dollar
CLOAK SALE CLOAK SALE
LADIES TEA GOWNS
Below Cost I
We have Just FOUR
Real Alaska Seal Jackets
CLOAK SALE Left They cost before the rise in CLOAK SALE
Seal SO 00 SSoOO S1000D and 12000
They aro today worth 90 per cent
more but can be bought at the above
prices during this sale
t
CORN BROS
CLOAK SALE CLOAK SALE
I
CLOAK SALE
MONEY IS HARD TO GET
But Weve Got to Have It
Owing to the large increase in my Loaning Business I am compelled to reduco
my large stock of New and Secondhand Unredeemed Pledges consisting of Diamonds
and other Precious Stones set in Breast Pins Earrings Finger Rings Collar
Buttons Studs Scarf Pins Beautiful Hair Ornaments Lockets Cuff Buttons etc
I K W ATCHES
We have all grades including the Boss Fahey and Duber Cases Waltham Elgin
and Springfield Movements Solid Silver and Triple Plated Silverware Rogers
Bros Best Cutlery Cocks Guns Revolvers Opera and Field Glasses Musical
Goods of all kinds anda lot of other goods such as a Firstclass Broker would have
in stock
To parties in need of Firstclass Goods for Holiday Presents this is an oppor
tunity they have never had before in this territory as I must reduce ray stock
Below I give a list of prices of a few of these Unredeemed Pledges
Solid Coin Silver Watches with Elgin Genuine Diamond Solid Gold Breast PinsSIS 00
Valtham and Springfield movements Finger Rings 9 CO
from S 5 00 Studs 9 00
Ladies and Gents Duber Boss and Fancy Colr Buttons 2 75
Filled Cases with Elgin Waltham or Solid Gold Earrings Stone Setting per pr 3 CO
Springfield Movements from 17 00 Studs 2 00
Ladies and Gents Solid Gold American Breast Pins 200
Watches from 23 00 Rings 100
Genuine Diamond Solid Gold E rings per I Good Nickel Clocks 1 10
pair u 2J 00
All other goods at equally Low Prices
Remember this is a legitimate clearing out of Unredeemed Pledges
You will be benefiting yourselves examining this stock before buying elsewhere
ALEXo i3 > > wrrrP
Loan Broker
262 Main Street Between the Walker and Clift Houses
All Goods Warranted Strictly as Represented or Money Ee turned
WILLIAMS HOYT COS
ROCKY OUN AIN
Boys J Youths Misses Childrens and Infants
J L1 SHOES L I
ARE SUPERIOR TO ALL OTHERS
Ask Ze Ce le Ie for Thent
C
ECLIPSE GROCERY FRUIT CO
WILL OPEN AT
52 East Firsi South Street
On Thursday Dec llth
With a choice and well selected stock of
Fancy and Staple Groceries Fruits Vegetables Fish Game Eto
JSVSAVILLE
J M BARLOW VicePresiden PresIdent I I I A EC VOOT y S
D S EMERY Secretary and Treasurer a3a er
Telephone No 528
i I The Queen Citypinting i Ink Company
i A complete and fresh stock of Job end Colors Bock and News Inks always tuull
Bronze Powders Acme and Binghams Durable Composltlogi
j i I Poblea Benzine Cans Inkoleum Eta
cl > y ocu orC1erIB Wo oeiaa 8 e y011 lCQoaell
ngThe Queen City Printing Ink Company
ISt O 33O3TjD WecB < s3a ZVX Lxaoe
174Blafco Street DOTO Colorado Main Office and Works Cincinnati 011
> s SS M <
STONING THE RAISINS
He and she are sitting in the window
seat in the study Enter her mamma
f with a pan full of raisins
I Her Mamma If you young people arent
doing anything Im going to make you
I stone these raisins Im making mince
i meat and Im just as busy as I can be
She Why of course mamma Itll be
just fun
HeDelighted Mrs Muzzer Well turn
the whole job out in just about seventeen
minutes and a half
Her Mamma guess nottheres two
pounds there Exit in the direction of the
kitchen
HeGreat scheme isnt it How do you
stone the things anyhow
SheWhy you just squinch em up like
this sol
HeI dont seem to get the hang of it
She Why how clumsy You dont hold
them right
HeHow so
SheNol sol
He This way
SheNowhy how stupid you are
Sets his fingers right with her own dainty
hands There
HeThis is great fun She withdraws
her fingers abruptly
She Xov see how many you can stone
while I am doing one
HeWhy does your mother make her
own mincemeat Whats the matter with
the cook
She Nothing But there arc two things
that mamma says should never be left to
servants mincemeat and sweet pickles
HeOh
She Its a religious duty with her
Helaee
She Mammas from New England you
know
HeOh After a pause If you had a
house would you make mincemeat
SheObl I dont know
He But would you Just suppose
She Oh yes I guess so
HeChop up the stuff and stone the
raisins and all
She Why I suppose so What an ab
surd question I
HeNo it isnt
SheYes it is
HeNo it isnt
She Ridiculous
HeBecause you know if you want to
you can have the house dont you know
and Ill help you stone the raisins
One hour and a half later
Her Mamma from the kitchen Come
you young folks arc those raisins stoned
yet Im waiting for them
SheOh my heavens Jack how many
have we got stoned One two three
gracious bless me only four
He Who cares Is it Juno
SheLet go of my hands Jackoh do
do do What will mamma say
He Well tell me
Her Mamma Agneecees
She Let goohyes June May April
anything In one minute mamma
were not quite through Oh Jack do
hurry up and help me stone these raisins
Yes June of course you silly hoylO E
Calendar in Puck
Too Flattering
Madam said the tramp suavely to the
woman of the house you will have no ob
jections I hope to my remaining on your
back porch a few moments to rest myself
and inhale the odor of that delicious young
prairio chicken you are cooking
How do you know its a young prairie
chicken she demanded
Why I
How do you know it isnt quail or ven
ison or Rocky mountain sheep
Madam I assure you
How do you know it isnt canvasback
duck or Carolina ricebirds or blue winged
teal or diamond backed terrapin
lilt smells good enough to be any of
t em I am sure and i
If youve got any use of that red nose of i
yours retorted the woman you know
well enough its a leathery old barn yard
hen Shes been cooking for six mortal
hours and aint done yet and Ive got no
Lima f n wise ± a an a etrru lu writ cLl
flattering cold victuals loafer You git
The tramp lost no time in obeying the
command
ca The nest house I tackle he said sav
agely to himself as he trudged on Ill ask
em for sense of their fried liver scraps by
gashl Chicago Tribune
It Wasnt Expensive
Book AgentThat is a work sir in
which the writer has handled his subject
with a masters graspa book which has
received the highest encomiums of the pul
pit the cress and of educated and refined
people wherever it has bean seen It is at
once entertaining instructive and as a
book of reference it is invaluable It costs
you four dollars
Busy Man Cheap isnL it
Book AgentRemarkably so for a work
of its character
Busy lfauI did not refer to the book
Book Agont Excuse me What did you
refer to sir
Busy Mo1nTiilkPcck
Inappropriate
HicksHow do you like your new neigh
bors the Woolaleys
Mrs Hicks She seems a kindly soul
but she has no taste about her dress
Hicks What did you find to criticise
Mrs Hicks The idea of a woman appear
ing in a coffee colored tea gown Harpers
Bazar
A Mean Man
Old Bankerson is pretty stingy isnt
her
Very He wont give his family any
thing He even growled when Penelope
had the sNew York Evening
Sun
Defining His Avocatien <
Blind FergusOid know th smell av
that pipe anywheres Is it you McCrack
enMcCracken
McCrackenIt is
Blind Fergus Its glm10i am t run
acrost yez Are yez worrkin
McCrackcn Oim in business
Blind FergusConthractin
McCrackeu No Oim a middleman ia
th phroduce thradeJudge
All Turned Around
A Lowell young woman went to a church
of which she is not a regular attendant
and was politely shown into a pew Soon
after a man made his appearance and im
mediately glared upon the visitor as if she
were an unwelcome intruder He seated
himself with the air of a proprietor and
continued to stare at the fair stranger in
tho most insolet manner ng
Embarrassed beyond measure the young
lady felt impelled to offer an apology which
she did in the following terms
Excuse me sir but do you occupew
this pieLowell Citizen
Argumentative fledging
In polemics said tho professor it is i
the more effective wayto take the aggres st
sive Overwhelm your adversary with fact
upon fact and argument upon argument
without giving him time to meet each ono
in detail S
But suppose he takes the aggressive
and overwhelms me with fact upon fact
and argument upon argument suggested
the learner Whafthen
In that case my young friend replied
the instructor you must preach tolera
tion Chicago Tribune
The Letter That Never Came
i
Barney making a futile effort to write
to Bridget Feth dhis pincH would be an
illigant wan to wroite saycrets wid it
makes no mark at allPUck
The Day Was Honored
They say the real old Christmas spirit
Is dying out but I donfc see it observed
the gentleman from Dead Horse Gulch
Now our town is a quiet conservative
sort of place and its nursing a tired boom
just now And yet we had a lively pleas
ant genial sort of Christmas
First off Dick Carver undertook to
clean out the townbefore 0 oclock in the
morning sirand he made cullenders of
three men before we put him to bed Then
we tarred and feathered the sheriff he
had gone back on his election pledges and
the moral sentiment of tho community
was aroused Then Jim Fowler had a dog
that had just gone mad and he let him
loose in the streetand he was more fun
than a goatit was most an hour before
that dog was shot Then we ran a temper
ance lecturer out of town and in the even
ing Bill Hasenpfeffer made a bonfire of his
new barn just for a show for the boys
hes a thoroughbred Bill is if he is a
I Dutchman
No sir the Christmas spirit aint dying
I out not while theres any sort of society
left in Dead Horso Gulch and you can tell
I anybody I said soPuck
Their Parting
She clung to him and sobbed in heart
breaking sorrow
Promise me Harry she pleaded that
your last thought shall be of mel
I promise darling replied the strong
man brokenly as he strained her to big
bosom and mingled his tears with hers
I will die as becomes a brave man but my
i last thought shall be of my own little B oa
1 ale One convulsive embrace ono last kiss
and he tore himself away from the fainting
girl and rushed from the house
He was on his way to play in the rush
line at a game of football Chicago Tribe
une
Two Suits
Tramp Could you give a man who has
known better days some old clothes
Old Lady Have you known better days
Tramp Yea I once had two suits Ono
of them was in a police court and I left
the other in Ii pawnshop to satisfy the
i lawyers Lowell Citizen
I
Didnt follow It
I Dr Pillsbury Well Mr Skeptic did you
follow my prescription
S SkepticNo If I had I would have
broken my neck
Dr Pillsbury Why what do you mean p
SkepticI threw the prescription out the
window America
1

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