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The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, January 18, 1903, Section Two, Image 9

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn85058130/1903-01-18/ed-1/seq-9/

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SECTION S CION TW TWO t 1 n < r2iHtS THE SALT LKE JE HERALD flAGES P PAGES ES 9 TO 16 16SflLT 16S J JI
I SflLT S L LAKE GITY UTAH U1 < AH SUNDAY SUNDAY JANUARY 18 1903
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Mr Irlt On n nt me
t CarnegieL Carnegie CarnegieLibraries
4 BY F P Libraries L 1 b ra r1es
4
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I i T4Andhrow IAS AridhroW tidhow Garnaygie Oarn y gie given n ye a aH ar aii
lI r H A I llbry yet yetaakEld asked Mr MrNot Dooley DooleyNotthat
Not Notthat that I know iv said a1d Mr MrHennessy lIrHpnness Mrflnnessy
Hennessy Hennessyn Hpnness HpnnessU
n < will salt ald ah > Mr iIr Ir Dooley Doole Yon not notes notsape notes
es sape ipe him Befurc he dies les he hopes to tocrowd tocrowd tocrrwd
crowd the libry on ivrj man woman an anhild anchild anii1d
child < in th counthry Hes given thim thimt
t V > cities towns villages an wliistlin wliistlinstations w wJiIstIInstations hfslIn hfslInstaUons
stations Theyre tearin down d dOWflhnucs > w gas gashouses gashouses
houses to tp put up libries Befuro another anotheryear anotherpar another3Par
year par ivry hoise In Pittsburg that aint a ablast ablaelt ablast
blast furnace will be a Carnaygie libry
In some places all th buildlns is libries libriesIf 1IbrkIt
It yp y write him fr an autygraft he slnds slndsa
e < a llbrj IIbtJ No beggar is iver turned turnedImply turnodImpt turnedimpty
Imply handed frm th dure Th pan panhandler pimlandler paniandler ¬
handler knocks an nets fr a glass iv ivmilk Ivmilk ivmilk
milk an a roll No sir says Andrew AndrewCarnaygie Andrewarnaygle Andtowarnaygle
arnaygle I will not pauperize this On Onworthy onworthy Onworthy
worthy man NawthhV Is worse fra frabfggar tr a abfggar ab
bfggar b ggar man thin to make a pauper Iv Ivhim Ivhim lvhim
him Yet It shall not be said iv me that thatI
I gave nawthin n wthln to th poor Saunders Saundersgive Saundersive Saundersgive
give ive him a libry an It he still Insists on a amil arn amu
mil rn tell him to rolltir 1011 th libry lIbtJ Fr Im Imhumorous Imhumorous
4 humorous as a well as wise he says saysDoes saysDoes saysIoes
Does he give th books that go with withit withit lth lthit
it asked Mr Hennessy HennessyBooks Henness HennessBooks HennessyBooks
Books said Mr Dooloy Doole What Whatarre Vluitarre hat hatarrE
arre y ye p > talk talkin In about Dye know what whata
a libry Ubr is I suppose ye think Its a aplace apJac aplace
place where a man can go lio haul down downwan downwan downwan
wan iv his favrite authorsfrm authors frm th shelf shelfan eheifan hcltno
an take a nap in it Thats not a Car Carnaygie Carnanle Carflaygle
naygie libry lIb1 A Carnaygle libry lIbtJ Is a alirgc ahrgC aFrgo
lirgc brown stone Impenethriblo buildin buildinwith bulhlinUn bulidinivith
with Un th name iv th maker blown on onth onthduro th thdure thdure
dure Libry frm th Greek wurruds li libus 11bus 1 1bUR
bus a book book and ary sildom slldomsl1dom alldom a abook abook abook
book A Carnaygie C8rnny le libry Is archytechoor archytechoorrot
rot llthraiohoor Llthraehoor Lfthraehoorwl1l will be rip ripriaittetr rlpristrtteJ ripriantet
riaittetr ristrtteJ T Jt mos o cHIybrated m brated dead au authors aithorj ¬
thors will be behvnor honored d be havin theh thehnames thefr thefrnamfS thefrnames
names painted c n tnv tH wall in distinguished distinguishedtompn distinguishedompn distinguishedv
tompn v ° mpn III g UuMu t UW wi Antlhrew ndbrew Carnaygier CarnaygierShakesnere CarnagleShakEsPfrt carnaygieShakespere
Shakesnere AnahrewtSarpuyeie A hIfWe rPofgie Byron Byronxidbrew BY1OnIu ByronP4idhrew
Iu xidbrew brew Carnaygl CarnQ gl Bobby Bobb Burns An Andhrew Andhre Andlirew
dhrew dhre CftmRygli Ca CAr11yglfanso iRY tsnIso ahso on Ivry 3uth author authorIs r rIs
Is guaranteed a place nex to pure rcadiu rcadiumatthor rcadhlmatt readhfniatther
matthor matt her like a bakin bRklnpowdher powdher advertise advertisemlnt adverUscmInt advertIsemint
mInt so that whin a man comes along alongthat al alongthat ng ngthat
that silver heerd iv Shakespere hell know knowhe knowbe knowhe
he was somebody because there he is on onth ontho onth
th wall Thpfs Th ts th dead authors Th Thlive ThJive Thlive
live authors will stand outside an wish wishthey wishthl wishthey
they thl were dead deadHes deadHes deadHes
Hes havin grreat grr tspcort spoort with it IL I Irread Irrend Iyread
rread his speech tli other day whin he helaid heald holaid
laid th corner stone Iv th libry at Pia Pianola Pianola Pianola ¬
nola loway Iowa Th entire popylation iv this thisllthry thislIthtJ thisflthry
llthry lIthtJ cinter gathered tosee an hear him himThey himThe himThey
They The was th postmaster an his wife wifeth1 wi witho wifeth
th1 blacksmith an his famly famI th station stationagent stationuJcnt stationagent
agent mine host ho t iv 1 th Farmers Ex Exchange EChange Exthange ¬
change an some sthray stbra live stock La Ladles Ladips Ladies ¬
dips an Elntlemen s 5YS ajys ys he Modesty Modestycompels Modestycompels Modestycompels
compels me to t say nawthln on this occa occasion oecasion oem oemsaon ¬
sion but I am not to be bulldozed he heBay hesa heEay
Bay sa q I cant tell ye how much pleasure pleasureI
it I i take in disthributin monymints to th thhumble thhumble thI
I humble name aroum which has gathered gatheredso
so many honrable associations a with me meeilf mesilt mesliT
silt I have been 1K > en a very busy bus little man munnil mllnall manall
all mo life but I like hard wurruk an angivin anghin angivin
givin away me money mO is th hardest wur wurruk wurruk wurruk ¬
ruk I Ivor did It fairly makes me teeth teethache teethah teethache
ache ah > to part with it But theres wan wanconsolation wancortqolaUon wancoziqolatlon
consolation I cheer mesilf with th ththought thethought ththought
thought that no matther matth r how much muchmoney muchmoney muchmoney
money I give it dont do anny particular particularperson particular1Erson particularperson
person 1Erson army ann good Th worst thing ye yecan yean yecan
can an do fr anny man is to do him good goodI
I pass by th organ grinder on th corner cornerwith cornerwith cornerwith
with a savage glare I hate th monkey monkeyon
i on th head whin he comes up emilin to tome tome tome
me window an hurl him down on his hisimpecyoonyohs hisImrecyofJnohs his1miecyoonyoha
impecyoonyohs owner None Iv me money moneygoes mon money moneygoea y ygoes
goes Into th little tin t1 cup I cud kick a ahospital ahospltul at
t hospital an I lave Wall sthreet to look lookafther looknfther Iboknfther
nfther th widow an th orphan Th Thsubmarged Thsubmarged Tbsubmarged
submarged tenth thim that cant get gethold getiold gethold
hold iv J a good chunk Iv th goods I wud wudcut wudcut wudcut
cut off frm th rest iv 1 th wurruld an anprtvlnt anprnlnt anprvint
prtvlnt frm bearix th haughty name Iv
papa qr th still lovelier name iv Ivma ma So Sofar Sofar Sofar
far Ive got only half me wish in this thismatther thismatthn thismatther
matther I dont ont want va t poverty an qrlmo crimeto qrlmoto
to gtf g gd on I inthid to stop It But how howIts bowIts howIts
Its been holdln its own fr cinchries cinchriesSome cinchriesSome cincliriesSome
Some Iv th grreatest iv former minds mindshas mindshas mindshas
has undertook to prevent it an has failed failedThey failedThey failedThey
They didnt know how Modesty wutI wudprevint wutIPrevJnt wutiprovint
prevint me again frm sayin that th t I know knowhow knowhow knowhow
how but thats nayether na eth r here nor there thereI
I do Th way to abolish poverty an anbust anbust anbust
bust crime is to put up a brownstone brownstonebuildn brownstonebulldn brownstonebuildIn
buildn in ivry 11 town ini in th counthry with withme withme withmc
me name over it Thats th way W3 I sup suppose suppose suppose ¬
pose th raison it wasnt thrjed befure befurewas bofurewas befurewas
was that no man manlver Iver had such sieh a name nameTls nameTIt nameTis
TIt thrue me efforts is not apprecyatod apprecyatodivrywhere apprecyatqdIvrywhere d dIvrwhere
ivrywhere I offer a city a libry an anoftentimes anotentlmts anoftentimes
oftentimes it replies an asks me fr some something somethin something ¬
thing thin to pay off th school scho l debt debt I fay fayceive raycelvl ray raycelve
ceive degraded d pettyshuns frm socalled socalledproud socalledproud socalledproud
proud mothropolises askin fr a gas gashouse gashouse gashouse
house In place iv a libry I pass thim by bywith b bwith bywithscorn
with withscorn scorn All AllJ I J ask iv a city in iI rayturn rayturnfr ray turn turnfr
fr a fifty thousan dollar libry lIbI is that It Itshallraise It8haU Itshall
shallraise shall raise wan millyon dollars to main maintain maintain maintam ¬
tain tam th tb buildin an1 an keep me name nameshln nameshlnan shiny shinyvan shinyan
van an if It wont do Inasmuch that 1much much fr lithra lithrachoor lIthrachoor lithraehoor
choor th dlvvle take it ItIts its onworthy Iv Ivth 1Yth lvth
th name n ine iv Ivan an American city What ivry ivrycommunity hr hrcomrpunlt lvrycomtinIty
community needs is taxes an llthrachoor llthrachoorI
I give thim both Three cheers fr a alibry allbr alibry
libry llbr an a bonded debt Lithrachoor Lithrachoortaxation Llthrachoortaxatlonan Lithraehoortaxationan
taxation taxatlonan an Andhrew Carnaygle wan an aninslafablejariow anInslnbleil aninslgableiiov
inslafablejariow Inslnbleil iow an foriver Theyse naw nawthin nawthin nawthin ¬
thin so gcfod as a good book Its betther bettherthin bettherthin bettherthin
thin food its betther thin money mono I have havemade haemade havemade
made money monEt art books an I like me mebooks mebooks mebooks
books betther thin me money Others Othersdont Otbersdont Othersdont
dont but I do With these few wurruds wurrudsI
I will conelude Modesty wud prevint previntme
me frm frmsayln sayin more but Ihave Ih ve to catch catcha
a thrainan t11ra an cannot canl L to iy > on n I stake ye to tothjs totbls totbls
tbls flSry 1Ur which w ich ye wijl have as soon as asye asye
ye 0 raise th money to keep It goln Stock Stockit
it with wlhuBefulroadln withusefulreadinai useful readin an some someda m eda day yorc yorcotherwise YOteotMpse yerqotht3
otherwise otht3 WIse pauper an an criminal rimLnai c dlilldher dlilldherwiil < lldher lldherswill Ud er erwll
swill wll wiil cpzn Piaswtp IlliJ know me name am ivhm I6in I am amgoidtf m mgoribiiiir mgOfi
goribiiiir gOfi thcres tneres no wan w n ieft rt to tbtell tell it itthim Itthlm Itthim
thim thimWhin
Whin th hlstoryan comes to write th thphisthry thI1lsth11 thhlsthr
histhry iv th west hell say sa Pianola Pianolaloway PianolaIowa Pianolaloway
loway Iowa was a prosperous town till th thfailures thfalldres thfalldros
failures iv the corn crop in nineteen hun hundherd hundherd hundherd
dherd an wan an th Carnaygle libry libryIn Hbryin UbryIn
In nineteen hundherd an two Th gov governmint governmlnt governmlnt
ernmlnt ast 1r r thirty t dollars to pave paveMain paver
r I Main sthreet with wooden blocks but th thgrreat threat tWI
I grreat reat philanthropist was firm an th thI tbllbry thlibry
I libry was sawed off on th town Th Thpublic Thpublic Thpublic
public schools th workhouse th wather watherwurruks watherwurruks watherwurruks
wurruks an th other penal instlchoo instlchoochions Instlchoocblons instlehoochions
chions was at wanst closed an th th people peoplebegun peoplebe peoplebegun
begun be n to wurruk to support th libry lIbr In Infive IIIfhe Infive
five years sears ears th thpotJolation popylation had deserted th thtown thetown thtown
town to escape taxation an now as Mr MrCarnaygie 111Gi MrCarnaygle
Carnaygie Gi > rnaygle promised poverty an crime crimeha crimeita crimehal
ha hal leen abolished in th place th thjanitor thjanitor thjanitor
janitor iv th buildin bein hem honest an anwell anwen anwell
well paid paidIsnt paidIsnt paidIsnt
Isnt 1 Jt good ood fr r lithrachoor says ye yeSure yeSure yesure
Sure T 1 think not Hinnissy Hinniss Libries niver niverencouraged niverenco niverencouraged
encouraged enco rafod lithrachoor anny more thin thintombstones thintombstones thintombstones
tombstones encourage Hvin No wan nn iver iverwrote Iverwrote ivorwrote
wrote anny annythlng thing because he was tol Tdat Tdata
a hundherd years Irm now his books booksmight booksmlfht booksmight
might be taken down downfrm frm a shelf in a agranite aanltc agranite
granite anltc sepulcher an some wan wud wudvrlte wudrlte wudwrite
write Good or This man man is crazy in th thmargin thmarJln thmargin
margin What lithrachoor needs is fillin fillinfood fIlllnI hum humfood
food If Andhrew wud put a kitchen In Inth Inthe Inth
I th libraries an build some bunks or oraven oraven oravnn
aven swing a few hammocks where livin livinauthors IIvinauthors livinauthors
authors cud crawl In at night an sleep sleepwhile sleepwhile sleepwhile
while waitin fr this enlightened nation nationto
to wake up an discover th Shakesperes Shakesperesnow
now on th turf he wud wu o be givin a rale ialcboost raleboost raleboost
boost to lithrachoor With th smoke smokecurlln smokecurlin smokeeurlin
curlln frm th chimbley an hundherds hundherdsiv
iv 1 potes settln aroun a table loaded down downwith downwith downwith
with pancakes an talkin pothry otbry an prize prizeflghtin prizelghtln prizefightin
flghtin with hundherds iv other potes potesstacked potesstacked potesstacked
stacked up nately in th sleepin rooms roomsan roomsan roomsan
an snorin in wan gran chorus with withtheir withtheir withtheir
their wives holdin down goodpayin jobs
0 0c
c DooleyDUNNE Dooley ooey ooeyDUNNE
DUNNE G
1 1as
V tjEr4 A FEw FEwas EWt1IiI1 uc t
J
as libraryans orcooks Or cooks an their happy happylittle happylittle happylittle
little chlldher chlldherplayln playin through th marble marblecorrydors marblecorrydors marblecorr3rdors
corrydors Andhrew Carnaygle Carna gie wud not nothavfi nothave nothavc
have lived in vain Maybo thats th thony thony thony
ony way he knows howto live JivcI I dont dontbelieve dontbe dontbelieve
believe be leve in libries They pauperize llthera lltherachoor Iltherachoor litherachoor
choor Im fr helpln th boys thats now nowon nowon nonon
on th Job I know a pote in Halsted Halstedsthreet Halstedsthreet Haistedsthreet
sthreet that wanst wrote a porn a begin beginnin beglnnln beginnm
nin nm All th thwealth wealth iv Ind that thatfbg ho sold soldoublycation soldto soldto
to a magazine rr two dollars payable on onpublycaUon onpublycation
oublycation Lithrachoor dont need aif aifvancln aiIancln al alvancin
vancln What it needs neeasIs is advances adanc 8 fr frin trI rrtb
in lithrachoors 1ithra cQoorsy Ye e cant nt shako down downposterity downpoaterlty dOwnposterity
I posterity f rr r th price
i TMocierii TMocieriiBY Modern
l BY
Harry SInI SInIHe truth truthHe
He Sent Her Some Orchids and andBook 3 3Book aBook
Book He Knew Shed Enjoy Enjoyi
4 4O
i iNCE there was a Lover who ho was on onI1 onthe onthe
I1 0 the RajjgeQ Edge of the Desert Desertwhere Desertwhere Desertwhere
where the th Old Bachelors Baohol rs live liveHe liveHe liveHe
He was good and tired of the Aristo Aristocratic Aristo Aristocratic Aristocratic ¬
cratic Boarding House in which onehalf onehalfof one onehalfof al alof
of the Women Folks are Private Detec Detectives Detectlves DetecUves
tives This thing of living in a Pigeon PigeonHole PigeonHole PIgeonHole
Hole and looking out at a Tin Roof oof had hadlost had1ost
all Rarity and Charm for Horace HoraceHe HoraceHe Horacehad
He had gazed into the barren Future Futureand Futureand Futureand
and made up his mind to Marry even
r
14 Literary Letter etter etterP
P
3 > ti tiBY >
4 BY RfGHARDLE RfCtiPRb LE GAtJliliEtfNlE r
P PTALKING
rfALICING of otliterary literary fashions fashronsand and epi epidemics epiI ¬
TALKING I demics Aliss llss Carolyn Wells onsrecently onsrecentlypublished recently recentlypublished recentlypublished
published Nonsense Anthology is isperhaps isperhaps isperhaps
perhaps the first serious if one may use usethe usethe usethe
the word recognition re gnfUon of a literary cult cultwhich cultwhich cultwhich
which the historian would be called upon uponthe uponthe uponthe
the note as characteristic of the last lastquarter lastquarter lastquarter
quarter of the past pasteentury century and particu particularly particularly particularly ¬
larly of the last ten years Edward Lear LearLewis LearLewis LearLewis
Lewis Carroll and W V S < Gilbert are Its Itsgreat itsgreat itsgreat
great masters but from them has arisen arisenquite arisenquITe arisenquite
quite a school of brilliant nonsense nonsensemongers nonsensemongers nonsensemongers
mongers and writers of what one may maygeneally maygen9ally maygenealIy
geneally term Preposterous Verse Pure PureaTT Purea PureaThbaluto
aTT a aThbaluto absolute aes9lu nonsense of a high order ia iaas I Ias isasMiss >
as asMiss Miss Woljs WcJltJpolrits points out as rare as In Indeed 1ndeCd indeed
deed much rarer rarer than mireanjiabsolute mireanjiabsolutepoetry wire a4t bsQute tibsQiiltepoetry bsQutepoeto
poetry rfnd nd it is to be feared that her an anthology anthologJ artthology ¬
thology Itself proves the Infrequent oc occurrence occurrence occurrencc ¬
currence of the cast of mind that goes goesto goesto goesto
to the making of really amusing amusingor or im impressive Imprcsshenonsenfe imprcssivenonsenre ¬
pressive prcsshenonsenfe nonsense Laborious aborious Imitation Imitationof
of the spontaneous inspirations of the themasters themas1ers themasters
masters Is found to be no less common commonhere commonhere
here than In other fashions of song and andthe andthe andthe
I
the painfully unfunny contortions cf cfthe c cthe ofthe
the selfmade funster fmisterto funsterto to coin a aword awordas word wordas wordas
as STr Tr Chauncey Depew might say sayIs sayIstoo sayistoo is istoo
too often In evidence For example ecampleloIiss ecampleloIissI Miss MissWells MissWells
Wells inevitably begins her anthology anthologywith anthologywith anthologWith
I with that unapproachable peak of the thepreposterous theI thepreposterous
preposterous Lewis Carrolls Jabber Jabberwocky Jabberwockya Jabberwockya
wocky wockya a masterpiece which while whilestrictly whilestrlct1 whilestrictly
I strictly strlct1 speaking it ii is made of quite quitemeaningless quitemeaningless quitemeaningless
meaningless nonsensical words does at atthe 1lt tt ttthe
I the same time convey conve a very distinct and andpowerful andpowerful andpowerful
powerful meaning Indeed it can only onlybe onlybe onlybe
be called amusing in quite a secondary secondarysense secondarysense secondarysense
sense its main impression rather is one oneof oneot oneof
of serious imaginative terror It thrills thrillsone thrillsone thrillsone
one like some nameless horror h rror in a a dream dreamand dreamand dreamand
and is the exact and so Car as I know knowthe knowthe knowthe
the only onl literary ltterar equivalent equhal nt of night nightmarc nIghtmare nightmare
mare Our first ripple of amusement to tothe tothe tothe
the grotesque words dies down as our ourhair ourball ourhair
hair begins to bristle with its curdling curdlingsignificance curdllnJslgnlficancc curdlingsignificance
significance The very words writhe and andwelter an anwelter andwelter
welter like some shuddering tangle of ofhalfformed othalfformed ofhalfformed
halfformed monsters of the prime primeTwas primeTwas primTwas
Twas brillig and the slithy toves tovesDid tovesDid tovesDid
Did gyre and gimble In the wabe wabeAll wabeAll wabeAll
All mimsy were the borogoves borogovesAnd borogovcsI borogovasAnd
And the nome raths outgabc outgabcSurely outsaboSurely outgabcSurely
I Surely It Is a pity that our pure pleas pleasure pleasureln picasure ¬
ure ureln in this strange originality orlginal1tyshotld should be bediscounted beI bediscounted
discounted by suoh base imitations as asbulk asbulk asbulk
I bulk too large in Miss Wells anthology anthologya
a contro coeur I have no doubt This Thisfor Tblsfor Thisfor
for example exampleWhen exampleVhen exampleWhen
When sporgles spanned the floreate floreatemead floreatemead floreatemead
mead meadAnd meadAn meadAnd
And An cogwogs gleet giectUjiQu ujqn the lea leaUffla leaucna leatYffia
Uffla gopped to mett her love loveWho loveVho loveWho
Who smeeged sme ed upon the equat sea seaThlp seaThl seaThip
Thlp Thl merely serves to Illustrate how dif different different different ¬
ferent apparently ths th same thing can be
Ml th same I like lIkC > Andhrew Caraaygle CaraaygleHim CarnagJeHim CarnaygieRita
Him an an me arre agreed on cnthat thatpoint point 11 11like I Ilike Ilike
j
like him because he aint shamed shamedtogie shamedtogiepubIlcllr to give givej givepublicly
publicly Ye dontr4nd dont find him p1ittin on onfalse
j false whiskers an turnin up p his coat c at col colNo cottar
tar whin he goes out tei be bcniyolen benivolenLNo I INo
No sir Ivry time hedhrous ft dollar it itmakes It itmakes I
makes a noise like a waiter fallln mp down downstairs downstairs downstairs
stairs with a tray tra I N dishes He H sglvin sglvinth sglvinthe
th the way way wed all Ukevip llke give I n nlierput nlierputannything nivrir v Jut Jutannything putannythlng
annything in th poor poffr F box out but1 I wad If IfFather ifather Ifather
Father ather Kelly wud rilflt up like l1k wan wan iv ivthim Ivtl1lm ivthim
thim slot machines so that whin I put putin putIn putin
in a nickle me name namcnu namexnu4 inud appcar tppe1tover > over th thaltar thaJtt thtltni
altar in red redlettllent rod leitherst l ttiieni But But win I lplt put a adollarjin ftdQl1arIn 11dollar
dollarjin dollar In th plate latelget 1 get back nCk about two twoyards twoyards
yards an hurl It so Jiacfl that th good goodjnan goodman goodInan I
man turns around aroundtosec to tosee see who ho dqno it Do DoRooa DoJiot Dogod
god Jiot be besteaitb stealth sax s l but ut see ee that th thburglar thbur thburglar
burglar bur lnr alarm Js Mf l J t L Anny benivolent benivolentmoney benivolentmoneJ benisolentmoney
money money I hand out TiWant > want totalk to talk about aboutme aboutme
me Him that givoth glv ti to th poor they theysay the thesay theysay I
say lindeth to th t Lpia LSJ but in hHhe these t1 days dayswe dayswe dayswe
we look f tr r Quick uickz rpyt11118 ri yturus pirns on our fnjst invisttaints vist vistmints I Imints
< mints I I IlkcAndhc lIk n ll Carnajgie Ci1r l e an as itsIe asa j jie
ie says a he J EPU puts hlsj Mawhola > vhplo hVle soul sUlinto into th1 thwerruk j jwitirrufc
witirrufc witirrufcWhats werrukVhats >
I Whats Vhats he hen mane manebe an DC that U a riaskCd asked Mr MrHennessy MrHennessy I
Hennessy HennessyHe HenncssJJl S
He JJl manes sId l Mr Dttley Df Dote le that thathes thathOs I IhesJL
<
hes hesJL Rlnrous rou8rtIY ivry lvrytiiue time hp h gives a libry libryhe libOhe libryhe
he gives Jtv himsilf himsiIfawflin awg avrijyin ln a speech speechCCopyrisht se speechCopyright Ch ChI
l lCopyt
Copyright Copyt bht100t 1903 bxgRqbert b bBbert i1bert I Howard Rus Russeli j jSeflections I IslHt
slHt seliItefiections a I I1tefiecti
Seflections 1tefiecti nsof of a Bachelor BachelorCNow EaciielorNow J JNow
I IBy
Now Tork Yo k PressO PressOBy Pr Press PressBy
By a I girls 1115 pretty photograph 11 you O BnaUnot shallnot shall
not know her herA herA I
I A girls education edU cation should begin where wherecharity whereI wherecharity
I charity does doesat at home homeA bori1jA honi honiA
A girl who ho thinkstoo thinks tPD much of herscU herscUwill hersclrwill florselrwill
will not set anybqdj anybo anybodyelsc < lCClsc else too tooIt toqIt tu tuIt
It takes very little littleoll oil to burn UrJl the lamp lampof Jatniof >
of lave but the wick must nuistaiways always alwa s be befresh befresh befresh
fresh and well trimmed trimmedGive trlmm trimniddGive l lGive
Give a woman a lookingglasg JQ Wnggl s5 and she shewould sheouldenjoy shewould
would ouldenjoy enjoy wearing fine clothes if there therewere therewere therewere
were nobody else in the world to see her herWomen herWomen ner nerWomen
Women would file thejr th llr teethlf It were werethe werethe worethe
the fashion but you conic conld1n conldnever never ver get them themthe themt themto
t to 0 wear sensible clothes e e4er er1r if lh they Y were weretbe werethe
the fashion fashionEvery fashIOnEery I
Every time a woman picks pi ks Upa u towel towelIt
It makes her husband busbandhIeiOrtear ihl shiver er tor forfear car she sheis sheis I
is going to tie it around her head and andgo andgo r
go to housecleaning housecleaningA housecleaningAbachelor
A Abachelor bachelor never has to worry about aboutwhat aboutwhat aboutwhat
what sort of story fQtcll W tcl1tne Ithe the morning morningafter morninglIter morningafter
< after which may not 1ot agree with the one oneHe onefie onelie
He told the night nig before beforeHeadstrong bcfotuI
0 0Headstrong
I Headstrong HeadstrongI j jColombiA
ColombiA olun but Jester JesterFrIeOdShrkespoarO Jesterf JesterfFriendShakesp i ifully
FriendShakesp Yr your wIt wit4 c bkAW bkAWful1y in tc tcfully
I
fully headstrong isnt she sheWilliamYes i VV
William VUIiamYes Yes Ann Hathaway V
Carroll Carrollvery very ery likely would have h ba ye e peevishly peevishlyrepudiated n ieevishiyrepudiated i5blY i5blYrePud
repudiated rePud ted such a seripus S rlPlJS Interpretation Interpretationof l tefP ta t ion
of the Jobberwpcky as I have h ve ad advanced advan advanrid ¬
vanced van d here but he was the lqp Itu rpan 1t1 q to tounderstand tounderstand o ounderstand
understand his own strengths strengthsan and anWeat1 anWeat1nesses iWeate iWeatenesses weaky weakynesses 1
nesses and the fact that th t K le e made the theJabbcrwocky thtJ theJ
bberwocKY J J as a Joke C4suati uaJ1 at aii aiievening ajievening 3J 3Jevening
evening party does not necessitSt n necesittniiif necesittniiiftrtking cCslSI puc puctaking l1r l1rt
taking t king it as a joke It Iti5 1s Indeis 1nde1bg a tgaqd tgaqdoriginal > od odJoke odjoke =
Joke but it Is that in It whieifb whieifbyond crb crbyond
yond the joke which makes It t1d y yoriginal
original Actually Actuall of course coursenot Wl1il li mttdltl mttdltlnot ljdld ljdldnot
not originate a language but butotlier butotlierliterary e6ther e6therliterary otber otberliterary
literary pioneers he turned aHjekistlng aHjekistlngVernacular aeint1ng aeint1ngrnacular 1st1ng 1st1ngvern
Vernacular vern aeuIur or more m ore correctlii corre correctiakIpg correctiakIpgapplied < U i akipg akipgapplied a dF dFapplled
applied a attao vernacular verna l1 metjjojaji m t1od jE ajy ajyttr apY apYU
ttr U ttao ssr His H1sgrotesque grotesque grot sque Uoc WS S5MR t prat pratticaliy prnt tt tttith1l
ticaliy t tith1l c nyth the same me mobile halfarticulate halfarticulatelanguage haltartieulatelanguage haIfartjeulatelanguage
language with which mothers have h ae talked talkedto
to their babes since the beginning and andclosely andclosely andclosely I
closely resembles that nonsenseimpres nonsenseimpressionism nonsenseImpressionism nonsenseimpressionisrn ¬
sionism employed by lovers when their theirhearts 1helhearts theirhearts
hearts are too to happy for dictionary dictionarywords d1ctionarwords dictionarywords
words and must needs overflow In baby babytal babytal babytal
tal Actors too have long been ac accustomed accustom amc ¬
custom c stomd d to employ their Innocent leisure leisureIn
In the elaboration of a similar volapuk volapukSuch volapukSuch VolapukSuch
Such popular expletives as the old UlU UlUbulero lUlIbulero Ullibulero
bulero or the th modern modern tararaboomde tararaboomdeay
ay belong belongto to the same worldwide lan language lal1guagC taftguage ¬
guage and the wealth of America Am rIca in insuch insuch
such preposterous n neologisms is illustrat illustrated illustrated ¬
ed by b the cryptic crypticwisdomot wisdom of ofMr Mr George GeorgeAde GeorgeAde GeorgeAdo
Ade and the polyglot passion of Mr Wal Wallace WalJace WaIlace ¬
lace Irwins Hoodlum floodlum floodlumTben floodlumThen v vThen
Then shall I shine and be thd th thgreat thgreatmain great sreatmain greatmain
main squeeze squeezeThe sQue ze zeThe zeThe
The warm gazook the only onl on the thebunch thebunch thebunch
bunch bunchTre bunchTle t tThe
The Oklahoma wonder the whol cheese cheeseThe tJheeseThe cheeseThe
The baby with the Honolulu himch himchThat h htinehThat nch nchThat
That will bringMame bring Mamc to time UmeIshould UmeIshoulda I should shouldsay
say a ay yes yesAint yesAint eg egAint
Aint my dough good as Murphys Well WellI VellI
I guess glf guessOf SS SSor > i iOf
Of course the sonnets in which the poor poorhoodlum poorhoodlum poorhoodlum
hoodlum unlocked his hears are not n t to be beclassed heclas3cd beclassed
classed as nonsenseverse they belong belongto
to the broader field of Preposterous PreposterousVerse Pr PrepostorousVerse cposterousVerso
Verse and hover between parody and al almost almost atmost ¬
most serious dialect poetry Theygive Theygiveone They gi give giveohs ve veone
one that peculiar pleasure which we find findin findin findIn
in the incongruously absurd expressions expressionsof
of deep and nd tender feeling the same samepleasure samepleasure samepleasure
pleasure In a less degree that Mr Chev Cbevaliers Chavallers j jallers
allers cockney lovesongs give us usMr usMr
Mr JKisers Love Sonnets of an Office OftlceBoy OfficeBoy j jBoy
Boy approach still nearer to the domain domainof
of serious sentiment sentimentShes sentimentShes sentimentShes
Shes back to work again Im Imamul Imamulglad awful awfulglad awfulglad
glad gladWhen gladWhen gladWhen
When she was sick It seemed to tome me as asthough asthough asthough
though thoughThe thoughThe thoughThe
The clocks all got to goln kind of slow slowAnd slowAnd
And every key she S be pounds looked kind kindof kl kindof Ild Ildof
of sad sadIts sadIts sadIts I
Its tough to have to hear her h r coughln coughlnso
so i
H jlpwish Iwish ISh that I Jcauld could take her hef cold and andI andV andbhe I
i rf she bheiVouId sheWould
Would V llihlcnow know 1 ltook took it t and 1d not have to toK toblow toblow
K blow blowHer
Her nose no more and be as well as asme asme asrae
me meShe meShe raeShe
She takes some kind of cough stuff in ina ina I II
a spoon spoonI I IShe
I s aeen en her eorniIckl lickin it It this this morning mo 1nS when whenShOltook whenShe
She ShOltook took a dose and put it down again ngainAnd againAnd againAnd
And when the rest went out a while at atnoon atnoon atnoon
noon noonI
I got her spoon and licked it and it itseemed Itseemed Itseemed
seemed seemedAs seemedAs seemedAs
As though it all was was something nicfe nlc I Idreamed Idreamed Idreame
dreamed dreamedTo dreameTo
To return to the fiqld fiQldof of pure pure ion ionth irortsinaeba tonitapiiine
sinaeba itapiiine tte ttetha Pre tDgfns lona lonath
th tha momentIs Vest tiesrlllustrared best1Ih illustrated illustratedtby strlted tby by these theseanonymous t theseanonynious ese eseanonJon10US
anonymous examples In inwhioh which prepost preposterousness r rousness rousness
ousness comes In through a cynical un understatement understatement understatement ¬
derstatement derstatementSusan derstatementSusan derstatementSusan
Susan poisoned her grandmothers tea teaGrandmamma teaGrandmamma teaGrandroamma
Grandmamma dies in agonee agroneeSusans agoneeSusan agoneeSusan
Susan s papa was greatly vexed vexedAnd vexedAnd vexedAnd
And he said to Susan My Iy dear what whatnext whatnext whatnext
next nextand nextAnd nextand
and
Baby sat on The he windowseat windowseatMary windowseatlIarypushed windowseatMary
Mary lIarypushed pushed Baby Bab into the thestreet thestreetBabya street streetBabys streetBabys
Babys brains were dashed out in the thearey thea theaey
< arey areyAnd a aeyAnd ey
And mother held up her forefinger at atMary atoIary atMary
Mary MaryThe MaryThe oIaryThe
The fun of course here Is in the af affectation affectatlon atleetation ¬
fectation oCa of a cynical obtuseness parody parodying parodyIn parodying ¬
ing In by b contrast the primness s of the Ui old oldfashioned oldfasIloned oldfashioned
fashioned propriety rhymes for early earlyVictorian earlyVictorian earlyVictorian
Victorian children Similar Similar fun is got out outof outof outof
of zoology by those most entertaining entertainingnonsensists entertainingnonsenslsts entertainingnonsensists
nonsensists Mr Oliver Herford Herford and andMr andlr andMr
Mr Gelett Burgess Burg s It must be strange strangeto
to Mr Gelett Burgess Burg ss to think that his hisreputation hisreputation
reputation tation wrfs made by The Purple PurpleCow PurpleCow PurpleCow
Cow and how h w much better that has hasavailed hasavalled hasavailed
availed to make us aware aw re of othim him than all allhis allhis allhis
his delicate fancy anc and fine lyric gift But Buteven ButOven
even delicate wares need posters nowa nowadays nowadays flowndays ¬ I
days to call attention to them tbemthough tbemthoughth themthoughthere though thoughthere
there th re is really no essential difference be between betwoen ¬ I
tween Gautiers scarlet waistcoat and andBurgess andBurgess andBurgess
Burgess Purple Cow For a man manwishes who whowishes i iwishes
wishes to get a hearing the first first step is isto isto isto
to make some sort of noise as loud as aspossible aspossible aspossible
possible After the th thunder of prelimin preliminary ¬
ary ar advertisement has died down own there theremay theremllY theremay
may have gathered an audience for the thestill thestill thestill
still small voice voiceOne voiceDue voiceOne
One of the most satisfactory sections s ctlons of ofMiss offss orMiss
Miss fss Wells anthology is that of parody parodyand paradyand parodyand
and here it will doubtless surprise some somereaders somerenders somereaders
readers to whom Mr Swinburnesanonymous Swinburnes Swinburnesanonymous SwinburnesanonJomous
anonymous book of parodies Heptalogia hHeptaloglaOrthe HeptalogiaOr HeptalogiaOrthe
Or Orthe the Seven Against Sense is unknown unknownto
to find tindhow how cleverly Mr Ir Swinburne fore foresVf foresawand foresaw
saw sawand and improved the opportunities for forridicule forridlcule forridicule
ridicule In his own oWn atm mannerisms He has hasoften hasoften hasoften
often been parodied consciously conscl u5Iy and
I The t < Fable ot whki What L I IThe E Pab1es c ab Jes i I
Horace Stood toodfor for in inin t tin
in Order to Land Landthe Landthe
the Queen t
I t GEORGE PDE
She Slipped One of Papas Susine SusineCards i j
I Cards Into Sis Hand aaix aaixI
I 1 I i
If Jie Jiehad had to choke some Nice ee Girl in inorder f ft IOrier
order 0 l e r to force her to say Yes H He e was wasall wasall t
all keyed 6 ed pp for Matrimony awl the next DeCttbin
thing tbin to do was to choose t1t the Lucky I
Bride BrideHorace BrideHora BrideHorace
Horace Hora e had donemore done mare or teas rehears reb ars arsng ¬
ing ng and he was wtee n to the Fact that I
it Isjust as easy to t Jo1i love ov e a Girl G 111 who 110 has hasthe baathe
the Coin C ln as s it Is to get dippy over oVethe overtheHonest the theHonest l
Honest Working Girl Some Men lea en Imag ¬
ine th that t theFoxy the Foxy Play to to srb b of ofsomething ofsometblng offsomethiag
something that that never own owned d any wn wnoursts uflbursts
bursts u ts apd Sable Wraps and a 8 probably probablyshe X babb babbshe
she will be satisfied with Department Dep DepartmeneStore DepartmentStore tmem tmemStore
Store Turquoises and Imitation Lambs LambsWdoL 14mbsVaaL LgmbsWooL
WooL WdoLBut WooLBut VaaLBut
But Horace Iiforaceobserved observed that those tho e who whoneverhad whonever whonever
neverhad never never had basil bee strong enou enough to throw throwon
on the Lugs while whi they the q were Ibrfne rIng at athome athome athome
home were ta tlulver3oUi thver very ooee who WMNt wh put iut crimps crimpsinto crimpsInto crimpsintotheBnk
into intotheBnk the Bank B nk Account eeount before theSoney theSoneymoon the Honey 1lODeYmon Honeymoan
moon mon slaved enat enatHorace eistHorace i iHorace
Horace often suspected Pected that some oi oithem ofthem oithem
them hooked upmerely to get a Whack Whackat
at the Finery But than Horace was a aregular alar arular
regular lar oldCynic oldCynicSo old Cynle
So he deCIded decided that he 1M twonld < T pick > tek One Onewhose Onewhoae Onewhose I
whose Folks had already air b0 btIght eht for her herabout herabout I
about abouteverythiug everythiiigr she w would iM aee aeeAfter teed teedArter < l lAfter
After traveling the B Beat at for a month monthand monthand I
and putting down Naraes N Naia miis IB I Ii his Pocket Pocketaround POCketMemorandum PocketMemorandum
Memorandum ook he dre dress a R Red d Markaround Mark Markaround
around the name of Lucille IudlieaDd aa4 the same sameDay j
Day Dahe he sent Sf t her her some Orchid and a New NewBook NewBo NewBok I
Book Bo k tbat he knew she would Enjoy EJIjoycause be because because
cause it had su sue h a Sweet Lave Lev Story Storyrunning Storyrunning j
running through it itSoon itSoon J JS
Soon S on after that the Girrat Girl at Central CeDtr 1 be began began begnu ¬
gan to know kno all about thCilJr tle tI staBes of oftho oftho otth I
tho th Affair Lucille was YasU a all a aTtINl amlil I 4 t the t5eJ t5eand theand e eNeighborhood
Neighborhood aeBurtng P Pand
J l
and she sb esteeme esteemedhJm5 < lWra as s aa j a fffe MJB lerestanl Jter4t > Mrtr Mrtrestand i iest
estand est mil kinafest t kt dst bst Friendg Friea4thiuisrMy Friea4thiuisrMyand th4jv t1f W R rtaBy rtaByand iMJIyandtruly i
and andtruly truly nothing doing doiugCo C Coite qH quehtiy quehtiyevery ntly ntlyevery tly tlyevel
every evel o ope osi could see how it was going ng to toturn toturnou toturnou5
turn turnou turnouHorace turnou5 ou ouHorace
Horace had fondly fondl supposed supp d that the theRecipe th thRecipe theRecipe
Recipe for fo becoming engag9d tfuga was w simply simplyto
to warm up to the Girl until Jyj he e could coulilHold cou1l1Hold couldHold
Hold Hands without using Brute Brul Force Forceand Foreeand Forceand
and then wait for the Psychological PsychologicalMoment PsychologicalIoment PsychologIcalMoment
Moment Ioment So on one Night when Lucille Lucillelooked Lu Lucillelooked Ue Uelooked
looked up into his Is Eyes and said he was wasdifferent wasdlfcerent waedifferent
different from any other ot r Gentleman she shehad shehad shehad
had ever met he came back with the thespeech thesp thespeech
speech sp ch Her only Reply was to slipvhim slipvhimone sllpthim sllpthimone
one of Papas Business Cards which she shehad shehad shehad
had ready for th the Occasion OccasionGo O OccasionCoandsquare n nGoDnd
Go GoDnd Coandsquare and square yourself with him said saidLucille saidLu saidLucille
Lucille LucilleNsxt Lu LucilleNsxt me meDct
Nsxt Dct Morning Horace wearing his best bestBib bestBib bestBib
Bib and Tucker also Sffie600 Gcose Pim Pimples Pimples Pintpbs ¬ i
ples was shown into Papas office First Firsthe Firsthe Firsthe
I
he had to tell all about his Assets and andhis andhis andhis
his Business Experience but that didnt didnttake dldottake didnttake i
take long Then he told id how much muchbe muchbesayed he hesaved besaved I
saved every Month If he swelled It a alittle aJittle aittle
little ittle it was 1i5 because he lovec IbYe the GIrL GIrLAfter GirLAfter GirlAfter
After he had answered all the Questions Questionshe I
he had to sit and listen to that well wellknown weJIknown wellknown
known Monologue which is the Prize Spe Specialty Speclalty Speclalty ¬ I
clalty of the SelfMade Party who began beganLife beganLife beganLife
Life by working for f 7 per Month and andotherwise andotherwise andotherwte
otherwise But he scores by being his own ownmost ownmost ownmost
most brilliant parodist In parody paroj h hlaughs he helaughs helaughs
laughs best who laughs first Here H e is isthe isthe
the opening of his Nephelidla NephelidlaFrom NepheUdlFrom NephelkftaFrom
From the depth of the dreamy decline declineof
of the dawn through a notable flint nimbus nlmbusofn flintbus ¬
bus busofn of nebulous ulous moonshine moonshinePallid m mOonshinePallId onshine onshinePallid
Pallid and pink as the palm of the flag
flower that flickers with fear of the theflies theflies theflies
flies as they float floatAre floatAre floatAre
Are they looks of our lovers that lus lustrously lustroush lustrously
trously lean from marvel of mystic mysticmiraculous mysticmiraculous mysticmiraculous
miraculous moonshine moonshineThose moonshineThose moonshineThose
Those that we feel in the blood of our ourblushes ourblushes ourblushes
blushes that thicken and threaten threatenwith threatenwith threatenwith
with sobs from the throat throatAnd throatAnd throatAnd
And how bitterly to the point is Mr
saving as of It Luctlteg Father said that thatYoung thatYaung thatYoung
Young Men nowadays are too extrav extravKant extravgant xtra xtraganc
Kant ganc and not half g as industrious ani aniKeeifas alldKeeH at I IKeerVas
Keeifas KeeH as be had been IM > en al about > om r tie Time that thatbe thathe thatbe
be escaped escnre < r from the Farm He sat then thenand thereand thctand
and hurled Bouquets itt It t himself until his hisArm hi hiArm hiArm
Arm gave out after Which hkh i e toW Oli Horace Horaceto Hora Horato ltorato
to go an ami fix it itwith with LucuitV LuJl < > Mather MatherMother tither titherMother tr trMother
Mother wanted to knuw ha w I rsi r rs if lu luwas l ii iiWas t taa
was aa willing to be married in i i tile t Ie Kpis Kpispalian EpispaIin O i w wlalian
palian Church He had to Ci ail abma abmahis b llil llilhis uthis
his Family She goemtd nuth 01 < 1 relievi relieviwhen relie reliewhen reievwhen
when she Kariied hit he 11 hal ha ad Reiativ Relal is isin s sIn sin
In Virginia Hors kiorzee < x knew thit part > art f fit 1 1it fit
it would be ail 3 1 right rightlinlcss uiiless > he snouM snouMhappen sh eroudhappen uhl uhlbapJl
happen to t see e ee the Relatives some tme day dayShe da daSh dayShe
She Sh told him why wh a House was wa prefer preferable prdlable preferable ¬
able to a Flat and scratch 9crat seratehd < hd d two tW or three threeof threeoC threeof
of his Suggestions SU esti Ds for Ushers Afur Afurletting AftlrleUng Aft r rietting
letting him know that he would cut but butlittle i1ullittlE butlittle
little lc 1 let < < at the Ceremony she > suggestta suggesttathat suggestrthat uggesttilthat
that he go over er and mak himself him eU solii soliiwith sithtwith ot otwith
with Untie Samuel because belu e he 11 had bem bemaccttst beitaccut 1 > 1 1acetotfJroo
accttst acetotfJroo ired to hold Lucille on his KOW KOWAnd Kn Knwhen Kntwhen
when she was a mere Tot TotAnd TotAnd
And of course that gave him a right to tobutt tobutt tobutt
butt in on all Family Issues IssuestTncle IssuesUncle IssuesUncle
Uncle Samuel muei asked Horace Hora what whatChurch whatureh whatChurch
Church ureh he attended attend regularly The > nl nlthin nly nlytbin nlything >
thin thing that saved Horace was that ne nebappened n nhappened hhappened
happened to remember the Name ame of a aChurch aChurch aChurch
Church Horace tried to sidestep the theQuestions tj tireQeztions e eQ
Q Questions tions about Drinking and Smoking Smokingbut Smokin Smokinbut Smokinbut
but Uncle Dinned him down so he said saKithat saidthat saidthat
that he had been tempted but iie Iwd noL noLtallest ot otfallen oLfa
fallen fa as 3 yet yetAfter yetAt yetAftr
After At running the Family Gauntlet GauntletIforajde Gauntletofe
Jf Iforajde ofe be beyed v 4 g Si of of Relief Reli f and be bethat beevd
evd that he had clinched cffn bed aS a1ltbe the Pre PreA Preisiries
i isiries rte Not he e h had d tqotten to toftift1 toniit
ftift1 niit tpwIth P 101t1t thFrrn thFrrn4Th 1fnn 1fnnpoYe <
A 4Th twloye poYe pIoyegi enveo onttac notslSc antl antl4f aedM4iOylM rut
4f iMtoo M4iOylM aSyskins 1i If1 g and the Firm will willot
flat ot mterfece but the Minute be talks
Harry then bid Mr S Side de Whiskers sends
for him to come to the Private Offict
The reason for this is that tvery verv Antique
in the Wholesale Dtetrut has a lot or oreutaDddried < > f fcutanddried Ccutanddried
cutanddried Advice which ne n loves to tounload tuunload tounload
unload on anyone who is compelled to tostand toS tostanj
stand S nd for fo it So Horace learned from his hisrespected hisrespected hisrespect
respected respect Boss that for two or three threeYears thretYears threeYears
Years the Couple should live eo Cereal CerealFood CtrealFood CerealFood
Food and make their own Clothes ClothesThe ClothesThe ClothesThe
The next Bunch of Warning and Advic Adviccame Adviccame AdvIcecame
came from the True Friends at the Club ClubThey CluuThey CiuiiThey
They put him down at a Table and sat sataround sat1U0und sataround
around him and inhaled the Scotch until untilthey untilthey untilthey
they were all PieEyed PJe ytd and then they thtvtold thtytold theytold
told him what a Horrible Qrrible Risk he was wastaking W wstaking 5 5takln
taking takln and how not more than a half halfdozen halfdosen halfdoeen
dozen Married Men lc > n in Town seemed seemedreally 8eEmtdreally seemedreaily
really happy and although she was a aNice aNi aNice
Nice Ni Girl she sb > had been engaged two or orthrefr orthre ortbre
threfr times before and Motherin MotherinLaw MotherinLawWould Law Lawwould
would be a fierce Proposition PropositionFor
For a Hammer Duet the th Mens Club Clubmakes Clubmakes
makes the Boiler Boil Works seem like the theHush theHush
Hush of Death DeathThe DeathThe
The Reader Re dt > r may suspect that Horace HoraceWas HoraeeWas Horacewas
Was a aetuated tuat tuated d by Mercenary Motive MotiveHowever MotiveHowever iQtiV
However the fact that t he went th thRounds thlRomds thRounds < >
Rounds and a nd listened to everyone and then thenI thellmarried thenmarried
married the Girl proves that he truly trulyHoved truly10ved trulyloved
loved her herMORAL herMORAL
MORAL Elope ElopeCopyright ElO ElOCopyrIght ElopeCopyright
Copyright 5 1914 I j8 by byRobert Robert Howard Rus Russell Russell Russell ¬
sell sellSwinburnes sellSwinburnes sellSwlnburnes
Swinburnes parody on the Tennysonian TennysonianHigher Tennyson1anHJgser TennysonianHigher
Higher Pantheism PantheismOne PantheismODe I IOne
One wheat we see not is and one who whois whoIs whoIs
is not we see seeFiddle seeFiddle seeFiddle
Fiddle we know is diddle and diddle diddlewe diddlewe diddlewe
we take it is dee deeLovers deeLoyers deeLovers
Lovers of jpoetrjfcwill JOetrJt will be glad to bear bearthat bearthat bearthat
that Messrs Holt < fc Co have just pub published publl ¬
lished ll hOd b d a new volume of f travesties by byOwen byOwen byOwen
Owen Seaman uBorrowedPIu1Df6 Borrowed Plumes Mr MrSeaman 11Seaman MrSeaman
Seaman hits J ts oft eVery popular writer writerfrom writerfrom writerfrom
from Maeterllnck to Kr MrnOooley Mr Booby with withhis withhis withhIs
his detleiously salient minUery At the theorepent theurnt thenreent
orepent moment mome t he Is I understand understandrepresenting bnderstandrepresenting nderstandre11f11Senttng
representing Ponefe at the Dnrbar DnrbarCopyrirhC D DerbarCopysight tbar tbarCopyrigbt
CopyrirhC 10 1001 bjr7l h7 bROIrt Robert ob rt Howard HowardRus HowardRussoilY
Rus RussoilY lJ
1
4
1 81818 a 818 8888 e8188118 18 8i8 e 8 8I <
I I GREAT MID WINTER CLEARANCESALEI CLEARANCE SALE SALEONE I IONE
I
II I ONE WEEK COMMENCING MONDAY Y JANUARY Y 19th V C < 4 S t tV
if
I
SHOES SHOES SHOESWe
We must make Room for Our Mammoth Spring Stock and andhave andhave andhave
have decided to give our Patrons another Great Bargain In Inducement Inducement Inducement ¬
ducement which we know they are sure to appreciate appreciateOur appreciateOur apprecIateOur
T
Our Entire Stock Slockal at Reduced Prices PriceseFOR FOR CASH
AH Broken Lines will be b J Sacrificed SaGrifwetfAt Sacrifi ed edAt
I At Prices Never Before Equaled EqualedMens
Mens Fine Shoes Sho worth front Misses i ss s and Childrens regular regularprice
250 2 50 to S600 56 00 Sale price price 1 price 125 i 25 to 300 3 OO O Sale price price9So price98C
9So to 405 I
I 75cto 75ctoLadies 75c to 165 165Ladies
1 Ladies LadiesShe Shes S and Slippers Slip P rs value value315O val 11
315O 150 1 50 to i Goo OO Will sell from Irom75c
4 4f 5 Ij ALSO ALSOSPECIAL SPECIAL BAEGAINS BAR AINS IN HTrELT INU
75c 7 U 5 C to t 0 lIU u 395 9 U FELT SLIPPERS ETC
j
1 1
aa aai3
i3
t
l I i I
I t t tt
a
i r >
j t
The above prices pr ces give but buta I DO D NOT NOTOPPORTUNITY fO t T MISS THIS T1ISa
a brief outline of the thenumerous
MONEYSAVINS MONEYSI VING
numerous bargains we wewill
will lll offer u 1OPPOBTUNlTY OPPORTUNITY OPPORTUNITYxi TUNITY TUNITYI I
7 I
I i r i in iIii j i
n
xi Iii Iiit
t

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