Newspaper Page Text
I 1 1 VISITS WITIij '
The New Man. : ?'$V In l c i "Thoy'a :t new man come to town'" Willie says It iioft and low "He In hlK and round and fnt And I think hlK name In Snow. Htuhhle k.z his heart In cold. Hut hr's Jolly ns kin he! He Is gist oulBlde thee door 'Won't you please come out?' ses he. I"Mh rome out und Kreet thee man Who la - i .m.ii hi: In our lot. You Bluiuld Bee the pipe he smokes And thee dundy hat he'B Kot! Aw. come nn and lake a look. He Is Klat a-vlaltln' Maybe If you like him, ma Pa will ask thee feller In!" & Then ma opens wide the door- r nw Mother always Ib polite! Willie whnopB and Jumps nround: "Iookee' Ixiiikee!" with delight There a snow man on the lawn OreetB her at the open door. Just a annw man biff and tall 8lmply tin" and nothliiK more! "Wo 1st made him!" Willie shouts 'Stni. and Hatty Hrown and MK! And I fooptd vou ma. I did'" Chortles Willie In his Kl'-e. Hut alas! When father COMMA There Is Burrow In the shed That was father'fl Sunday hat On the snow man's snuKy head! o o o Tickle Grass. A curious cubs wonders If ho will get uny mince pie In heaven. Most of us would waive the pie If we knew absolutely that we would make the harbor. Old love li this may be classed as . flrBt aid to the breach-of promise at- B torne) It la much sulci- to whisper It In her coral ear and net the end of i - your nose tickled by a beau-catcher. V 4 ft "One hundred thousand dollars a year Ib what It costs to clothe a cer tain New York woman." says an ex change. "What a pity Bomeone can not take It away from her and give It to the poor" What, all of It? Mercy, no. www Occasionally we find a man who glories In the high and ascending price of turkeys. He believes, evidently, that the birds will soon go bo high In value that be won't have to carve 'em any more! ft ft ft Old you ever try to make yourself laugh by tickling yourself. It's a great foolishness, of course, but It Is better than trying to make your self cry by sticking pins In your flesh. If we tried to laugh more and worry less, I his would be a happier world ft ft ft "A man who never does anything," says an exchange, "doesn't have to dodge I he assessor." Oh, I don't know I am acquainted with a fel IJb low who never does anything, but he W does everybody and he goes on a va cation every time he hears the asses soi making a noise like a property schedule. n The Mississippi. An Iowa resident sends the follow- Ilng bit of poesy to his home newspa fc per for publication: II .-Iw on nilnhty river flow on ifff j.-r thou art most stately and grand JHP VI, , through the green corn II. -Ids VJ Thai hunter thy hrod land L The red man li as (nil iB I'niiii Hi. in'ii rll"' shore l"S HI war its l still no more his mni lY His labor Is don his work Is ore Oh mighty river thou will (low on Through litis eden of the west Though the red mans work Is don Thong will "till eden bless An other race Is on thy shore Mr came with plow and gun and horse He came with tragic deeds of wars He came end laid this eden bare The native grass and (lower are dead The- whlteman he has set his bounds freedom for " beast and bird has Hell This eden Is In lanes and farms and tnwns .-ow on mighty river flow on I'm on thy hosum thou shall bare . i .,.,. commerce of this eden fare li .-,,i ,,o other river with Ihe can compare r O O O Terrible Shock. The star boarder at a certain New York "tavern," who was reading his paper at breakfast, suddenly gave a low shriek , I f,n to the floor. The more curious anil. ill! those present picked up the paper and iW what had shocked him, It was ', its , reading; "California win ship so,- 000.000 pound! of prunes to the eastern markets Ikta fa?." 1 at JLV WXi .j-dlfa5hj& $Z!gmBbg$!?mf k-isVa -?ySs53&af&3sffP 'hV ?Mr r .JsJgsBgHHBawB. JsV -Jas, -0r--r-W mmamm. gar wmr ry,W sj?JjjssJjadsTJsTjsTaeasjjjeiBj) TypVw'pVVTfi " - '. ftVWCr "i- ejijigggl pBBH IdilwV Ik Mm T sMl wfcXfrM I eB - " TIME Year of 1999. SCENE Subway station of J the Chicago and North Pole J ft Consolidated lines, located 215 J feet beneath the ethereal sta- J tion of the Fort Wayne, Duluth Xy and Polar Aerial Transportation J Company. CAST Airship chauffeurs, J subway motormen, passengers, ft J aerocabmen, automatic news- J s? ft boys, polar bears, Eskimos, ft 1 J wireless telephone linemen, etc. as 5 ? 551 " '1 1. 1. IIO-A -R R-D," yelled W. Li k 'be phonographic train mfH f Train mi Hie third WSJy level leaves In five mlnlls K&& for the pole. Only one fCJRr slop between Medicine g, V$ Hat and Arctic Circle city, afj? KsklmuH, m1ui ami Lmt hunteis In the second atory of the Kjli hlrd lm u., ni Iw-l-l SslsVlBsW (lee, but l was glad to gel Into the polar bear section and away from that automatic instrument for rendering sane persons mentally incompetent. I had been rending a copy of the North Pole Friday night Post when, with a nolBe like all the air coming out of a halloon all at once, the C. & N. P. train stnrled. It was all strange to me, of the year 1909. 1 must have slept an awful long time to wuke up here In the year of yes, the date line on the publication I was scanning said February 1, 1999. It waH printed In white Ink and the words were all spelled phonetically. "Medicine Hat," yelled a voice In my ear a minute or two after the train had started. I looked quickly around, ready to punch ilie rude brakenian who had given vent to those rasping notes. As I did so I bumped my nose against the well, it looked like a phonograph -stick I nil out from the wall of the car. Then it dawned upon me. It wasn't the hrakeiuan at all. In fact. looking around I could see no em vj ployes. As we reached the chunk ot Jj darkness, which I took to be the a! leged Medicine Hat, the coach door opened without any human assistance, a man at my side punched a button und promptly disappeared through a chute which appeared at his feet. "Two minutes for liquid air re freshments," came the same rasping, phonographic voice through the In strument at my right. I hunted for the button my disappearing friend hud useii tu disappear by and In an In stant 1 was looking down Medicine Hat's muln street. I didn't try to puzzle out that phenomenon. I didn't care If I ever saw the pole. If It had to be seen via the cold, clammy sub way route. Nearly every place of business on the main street was labeled "private weather bureau." I glanced upward to Bee If It looked like rain. Far to the B Bouth 1 spied what looked strangely lr like the pictures 1 scanned In 1909 when I used to read about Count Zeppelin and his airship. As the big bird like machine came closer, I managed to read the sign on the aide. It read: ROUTK NO. 34. Fort Wayne, Duluth and Polar Aerial Trans portation Company. That was pretty near the last Btraw. I wanted to look at something ancient. I couldn't stand this much longer. It wbb get ting on my nerves these aheadof-the minute contrivances. The airship drew nearer. I could see a roof garden party of young people silting among the palms on the dome of the big muchlne. Around them were electric heat erB, which radiated heat clear to the earth. Carelessly one young man emptied the con tents of his glass over his shoulder in my di rection. I tiled to dodge the cloudburst of amber beverage, but, alas, too late, it caught me Bquuiely In the face and 1 WOKF. UP! And still when one conies to think It over, i 'tuisldcilng the progress which the year 1908 saw In the way of airship navigation and polar efforts, that dream Is within the realm of pos sibilities of the twmiticlh century. Less than 60 years ugo the man who talked of saying "howtly" to a friend 1,600 miles away would be deported. To-day the telephone cunies one's words as clearly as If spoken to parlies In the same room. So if an American should fall asleep In the year 1909 and awake OOeais hence, the things Jp sty which would greet his eves would make him the envy of Rip Van Winkle. Discovery ol tin- not in pole will doubt less he made within the llfi-l iuit-s ol' luuny citizens of to-day. An.vhow that is what the scientists de clare The Bay Ihe mere discovery of the pole Is simple It Is the conquering of the de tails which must he surmounted that require Ihe thought and efforts. Most novel ol all plans to plant the American flag or for that matter any other country's flag on top of the pole. Is that which some lime ago was proposed by Kvelyn Mrlggs Maid win, who Is now working out details Of his scheme. This Intrepid explorer alms to float to the pole and take plenty of time getting then. He laid out the plan iu detail Inline the llarviiid union at Cambridge. Mass., some time ago and while some blase persons were skeptical nth era said they liked the plan Here's the way Mr. Italihvln would do it: "Give me a cargo of logs, nnother of casks pattly filled with emergency supplies and a single vessel, specifically constructed, and I can go from Retiring strait to the pole right across the Arctic ocean. Scatter Ihe logs, port able houses and casks upon a group of heavy Ice floeB, surrounding tho ship, shifting the sup plies if necessary by windlasses, motors or dogs, and we'll succeed. A single crew can handle Ihe three cargoes. Had the Jeannette expedition ndnpted this plan It would have won. In support of uiy plan Rear Admiral Mel vllle stated to me that a small house erected on the ice at Ihe beginning of the drift of the .leannttte having blown away before it had been fastened down, was fount! two years later less than two miles from the ship, thus proving that the ship and ice proceed Just as a balloon moves with the ntmosphere In which it lto.it With portable studios and laboratories, our nr lists and scientists may work with tranquillity. Willi balloons we will view a wide stietch of territory anil as did Ihe llaldwlnelgler ixpe dition frequently, dispatch messengers home waitl. Willi our logs us fin I we'll barbecue the walrus seal and polar bear. With Hie casks emptied we'll form a flotilla filled with dupll ca'es of our collect tons." That's the way Mr. Baldwin would do It. With your feet planted on the home hearth btone, Ihe domicile i',ood and warm, plenty to Ml tor each meul and no worries, it looks easy, doesu't It? Uut the obstacles which any ei- n mi ion must face are known only to the man who has made such attl mpts before. That has beeu the great trouble with polar expe ditions, It Is said. They are too oft en planned with the conveniences of a great city within reach of the hand. Perhaps the most sane polar expedition which u ni o u e has sprung for years lias beeu that of Waller Wellinan. J sE5gsti"Sasmn2W 'T iL XPPf Jl'Otm "i. gssHsasa Hs- BsV tsssskusvl sSsasgBMssaw - bB sWfaswfij aam ? . . 7gWswBMMaps,sj mM: te. ssuaac'&SL HWSSs,a. vsjBjasBrJ J jT. , -; W ... . t u. asgsBw- " "siissasBaBwjL ' let Jassrasaal -3fj- sVtv sV i- T'liJlT' VtTa?jlMss'sxM t eyaisp srsosBwsssjBBSBsap- Vw, . . -tM r 1 flUHH I '-i'' ' "5 -Adl ' ."' il'VJsCjrt''" Ssf MTBytj 'rf ' .' ''Jki I H I LLV9uPWb0IbH .BUsrVflsWiBW dBaBBsSa3 asBsl A'A stfSjBffl H BflstalsK I sssl I ' isflrasabsOHsH HL''t O" HsKsV I iassl Wsiilr-'" S2 " T! ? "r'h9lf.' asaaaMslsBnHsBsJZ? sssl ... i nsj '.'4w"'!Ki - sH W JOfVUJt 11" most novel and perhaps 'ba sLH "''' 5 the newspaper man. who two wars ago was assigned by his paper to And the north pole The assignment was given loin when politics, which he had been covering, had sort of died down in Washington. So Mr Wellinan went way up north, far away from Sweden, and after spending u loBf time In the construction of his aerial pole finder, he set sail In his airship In a snow- torn). The snow was thick high up In tin: I cold cli mate and It got into the plot's eyes. Conse quently the expedition was abandoned for the tittle Next June, however. Mr. Wellinan will again set sail for the pole with the assurance that his machine will perform at least pan of the Journey satisfactorily. On ethereal subjects Welimuu has become an expert. He has also had real polar experience. Mr. Wellmau not long ago declared that his airship is. for his own purpose of finding the pole, more efficient I sit 1 1 that of Count Zeppelin, which can sail all day long without dropping to earth for more gasoline. Commodore ivary is to-day scrutinizing arc tic regions for signs of the location of the pole He will go as far north as is possible on his polar hhlp Theodore Roosevelt, and dogs and srSdfss) will take him the rest of the distance It will be several years, probably, before the real fruits of this expedition become known to newspaper leaders of America. Many lives hae been lost In the que it for the pole. That and the south pole, located somewhere in Ihe Antarctic, are the only un discovered pails of this wide world, and the na tion which plants its flag on either of Ihe poles will be Iti'.ky, for then It will own the end Of the earth. & most Insane project which was ever fl sprung for finding the pole was that H l of ('apt. Ilnwser. a Chlcagean; who waa fl ll martyr to his scheme. He, ln. 11 was thm In bis belief that he could H II tluil the pole In his especial, private If way. He aimed to roll to the pole in M II a round ball with small holes al ench M II end. He got as far as South I liven. t A Mich., which Is a summer resort lie H V reached South Ihu.-n m ihe winter H II j and he was found frozen on tho leach. iH lmS The wind and waves carried ('apt. U IEk I'owset miles across l.a'ie Miililgaa if bxA 1 1 nil ('l.liii'.i. hut lite In. Hi uMnns H M If were that his diaih occurred half way JH across the lake. Inside of his n und 21 sloll he Ibj upon hoard id jfllfl which tin' objeel revolved, it being fl hollow. sBI llowser received a Christian burial, wl&i which Is U ss than lots of iinfoi I iimiie explnr- vSl ers liavi i ei elved for their effoi s Wfk The north pole Is a piiuliar thing. Il hills Fjjt iihiuil from day to duy and noi inn a year ago "JF- a Swedish scientist allowed to is. ape hlx sya letn the assertion that Ihe ole was inovlnc it towatils Siberia. Of course If He ninth polo kiips on moving like thut. how i an it pect lo be discovered? ask skeptical person The teason the north pole Is said to be piny- lug hide and seek is said to be this: r- The i ai th revolves on Its axis from west lo east. Hence centrifugul forces tend lo pull tho regions of the equatot outward, thus kiv , In the tendency to flatten at the Kles. This flattening process Is Irregular and as a conso quence ihe "lop" and "bottom" of the earth lend to flit about from place to place. Try this scheme with a rubber ball Soft '', rubber Is best, It shows the flattening belter than bard rubber. Push a nail through ihe ball, making it an axis, and then tlo strings each end of the nail. Hold Hie strings in yoor ( tight hum) ami twirl iheiu over your hcul During the twirling you notice that the ball becomes flat ler al each end and bulges slightly on tin c lei: '.hat's why the poles are shift ing The earth moves at a rate of 19 miles a minute around Its axis. Kach day in revolv ing It has a Journey of 26,000 miles, its clr 4 cuml'ci once, lo accomplish. It moves about j limes as fast as the Chicago New York Ik-hour special Is it uny wonder 11 Is flattening? The dream above, which transplanted a rlU- . ., OH or the United States of the year 1909 to , the eui 1999, hence furnishes an ordinal y es ,; ample of things which may transpire when s Peary, Baldwin or Wellman discover the uortls u pole Nobody has yet tried to discover tho B pole by Ihe sub way route, but somebody will. sonic day, and soon after they'll convict bis of Insanity. B