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The ladies' garland. [volume] (Harpers-Ferry, Va. [W. Va.]) 1824-1828, April 15, 1826, Image 1

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn85059803/1826-04-15/ed-1/seq-1/

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VOX.. 3
At the Office of the I'irginia Fret Pnx$.
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twenty-five cents, to be paid at the time of sub
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BY A Vil.f.A(;K UEAU.
A person ol taste may spend a few davs very
pleasantly at a genteel watering place. The com
tinual succession <ji new laces ; the interesting
variety ol character, and the harmonious inter
mixture of grades exhibited here, arc such, that
the mind of desultory man, however studious
ol change cannot fail to he amused. 1 say no
thing oi the beauties of the landscape, tlie invi
gorating breeze ol the country, or the medici
nal virtues of the mineral fountain—because the
last may be imitated in perfection by a bung
ling apothecary. and the others are easily pur
chased by the fatigue of a morning's ride from
the most crowded metropolis. These vulgar
enjoyments wliicli are within the reach ol' the
whole, human race, are properly disdained by
persons of fashion. Much also is said of the
keen appetites which are. found at these health
ful places of resort. Portly gentlemen, and
pale faced ladies, exult equally in the quantity
of fish, flesh and fowl, which the talismanic cf
foots of the. sou breeze, or the chair heate draught
enable them to consume. But tins is surely
lids,; taste. \\ hat can he more ungonteol than
eating, or rather devouring flesh and r egetuhles
tike so many locusts of Egypt. or the h an kiiie
of Pharaoh :' Can that he styled a polite em
ployment which is common to the philosopher
ami the savage, the belle and the washer yeo
man:’ Eating is certainly a vulgar occupation
—and 1 cannot hut marvel that wits ami beau
ties—‘the curled darlings of the nation'—should
hie to Long Branch or Balston for the purpose
of gratifying that voracious propensity which
gives celebrity to the boa constrictor, and the
man who swallows tallow candles for a wager!
1 lii‘ preacher condemns the epicure w ho • fares
sumptuously every day;’ and physicians live by
repairing the inroads of the cook. Besides, we
certainly know that the literati of e,erv age,
have deplored the appetite for food as the most
impertinent and vexatious of the human propen
sities. 1 hat it has caused many an honest gen
tleman to turn author cannot lie disputed ' and
that it has peopled Parnassus with gaunt forms
and hungry aspects i> equally unquestionable.
Gentlemen therefore w ho w rite for bread, should
not go to watering places. For my part ! have
always viewed this subject with the eye of a
philosopher, and have never ceased to deplore
file inflexibility of that ordinance of our nature
which bestows the best appetite upon those who
are least able to supply them. Physician* de
ploy a most unfeeling apathy to the sufferings
ol their fellow creature's, w hen they inconsider
ately atlminister provocations to the palate of
ev cry one who fancies himself deficient in v ot'a
«'it\ . w ithout inquirin'; into the ability of the
patient to sustain and cherish the newly aw a
kern d sense. If I was a practitioner of the
healing art. 1 would ask my patient if tie was a
poet, and if he answered in the allirmative, I
should congratulate him upon the delicacy of
Ins appetite, and positively forbid the exiiibi
lion ol tonics. I would conscientiously regulate
the appetites of those w ho had the loitune to he
placed under my care, by the dimensions of
their purses. Thus my patients would he rated
like ships nf war. by their metal; he who could
compass three full meals a day. with a launch
at noon and a hot supper at midnight, should
ruralize, at Bedford or Saratoga, and have hark
and wine to his heart's content; a less plethoric
purse should he placed on allowance; and where
the income was in a low state of debility, mea
gre diet and nauseous draughts should he pre
scribed. But as it seems natural that the force
ol reason should forbid men from pursuing that
which vilien obtained would be burthensome, I
am in the habit of believing all the visiters
whom I meet at watering places to be persons
of fortune, who purchase pleasure with their su
purlhmus wealth, or seek appetites -because
they have wherewithal to gratify them.
Hut a watering place lias other uses and at
j tractions. Dashing Made' mav lawfully result
tliillier to sport tlieir equipages. and beauties to
display their charms, .'southern gentlemen lintl
the tlavor of a mint julap greatly enhanced by
the retreshing emdness ol the mountain spring,
and city ladies hlooni like wild flowers in the sa
luhrious retreats. \ our wati ring place is
moreover a notable school lor good manners,
for as the parties are for the most part strangers
to each other, till are free and eiptal; and
I thence result that absence of restraint and
| ease of manner, which are so much admired in
i high life. There is no herald's otliee kept lieio.
■ Here is no balancing of straws and weighing
i of feathers—no tossing of heads and winking.
and whispcimg to find out who is who. One
! gentleman may wear blue and another black,
hut‘a man's a man fora’ that'—and as every
1 man may place his ow.u name on the In oks w ith
whatever title or addition he pleases, lie has on I
ly to choose his ow a rank, and he passes current I
accordingly. Misery, it is said • Inings us into i
strange company'—so does misery's opposite.—
I lere are singular eomhimitions. not to he e\
plained by any of the established rules of aflini
ty. attraction, or cohesion.
To the lover, this is a congenial climate. Is
it not strange that a sympathy should exist be
tween the palate and the heart? W ill tov fair
and gentle readers believe that love and hunger,
the one a gross, vulgar appetite, the other a
genteel, delicate, sentimental passion, may he
awakened and invigorated by the same stimu
lants'? It is even so. The air of the country is
alike salubrious to a feeble frame, or a debili
tated attachment. The sight of hay-stacks and
waving corn, and flowery meads, create a sweet
delusion around the intoxicated senses of the
lover, and people the fairy scene with nymphs
and swains, ami all tin- behtrhiiul paraphernal
nl pastoral love. .Mineral water is as unttitioU'
tn tlie lieart. as it is im i^oratm;; to the liody
Why IS it that the y mm; lady.
Whose soul blx the ctipi l neiei taught to stray
licyotai the coxcombs that biles! llroudxxav,
no sooner e-cts to lialsfon than her ami itit n
soars to nohler objects, ami she, who a tew davs
hel’ore submitted |iatientlv to the atlilress of a
iIiiikIij. now aims at the subjugation of a manly
heart.’ Noxxizard ever inxented a l.ive inspir
ins? potion so potent ns the medicated fountain ;
lint to whieh ol the eh mi nts that enter into the
composition III the ehalvheate clraii/ht. this ef
feet is to he atfrilniteil, I am at a loss to deter
mine. II I were a chemist. I eonhl nceonn! for
the phenomenon, heenuse a clu-micnl genius is
never at a hiss for a theory. and dives into run
ses with an expertness which I' no means do
petals upon any prey ions or present knowledge
of the subject, lie who deals in retorts ran
solve any question—though not alway s hv thu
ril/'ii cmirteinix. I once, indeed, attempted to
philosophise open this matter myself, and
achieved a moral analysis ol the manner used
and approved hy the chemical professors. I
carefully examined the various properties of a
celebrated sprint;, and in a few n.mutes arrin I
at a conclusion, quite as satisfaclorv as tin- n
suits of ordinary experiments. ‘ I lore is a may
nesia,’ said I. • which corrects acidity, and
which, hv a sympathetic influence upon the
mind, converts a sour old maid into a well eon
ditioneil miss, ami neutralizes the acerbities nl
(lie bachelor's temper, h axes hi- mental sy-p m
ill a healthful stale, well suited tn the rein plain
ol soil and agreeable impressions. And here is
sulphur, wliieli comhined wnh x illainons -ah
pet re. commits such havoc in the world, umli r
the name of gut'.pnxvder. ( an ladies, who i:
nine me Miipinir water atm trimpowiter tea Ii
otherwise t’i,-in inflammableis i: :mv wondi r
then. lir.it maidens \\ Iw> t;ik<* in i•• ■!i crjiitl>tis!.
Ill'- materials should ‘ e'n nil' with nut spaih
with whum she comes in eoutuct. I’in :i In •
is iron—un-rev pn serve tin1 dear trial'1 what .1
eollertion of mortal f-iioi 11 • ■-1 what fatal m.jl
ments of i!rs(mctinn an I. • r<• assembled! ai,
nr?i!k'i'v Htieer tnmlil t.c cuilo ;il Inline in sue!,
;i matta/ino of ordnnnee -tores We Inn e nnh
to I'cno-il tins iron into -leei—let it net me
ehnnienilv upon (lie llintv lieurt of the Itniv. timl
is it am umnler tlmt Cutiiil should -tiike lite^
or I ! ■. men lie!i! n nuileliSuch was niv then
IT. ittul I w ill voueli it to lie e- eort ‘ et a- main
of the ■■.terns in v. i,ie!i toe -eientilie repn-e in
plieit I,mil. It it In - not more rood see-i- than
the them v o( -peciue j;r:iiia . I will forfeit tin
eat—[tfo'. iil'-tl a future ;«vneiatinn In- allouei!
to decide the ijiie-tieu. tint v.heiher I am ; iv 1 t
or wrone. | shall -till e\i l.dm. • if mineral na
ter lie the lien! o! lore, drill It on I' and ile.t it , ,
will. I think. In' -a!i'lltetoti!\ proveil In t! e f.,|.
lowin<e little historv. I lane -u|;p;essitl the
real names of partii hot the farts will lie in
stantlv reeollerled by those of mv readers. w ho
have been in the hr. lot of v i-itin.' the eelehr .ted
spot w here tliey ccr tirrei I.
Mi" Simper appeari .1 at Saratoga in an 1 in
trant suit of salile. she Was said to he lrl rteitirn
in" for her father, an opnli rit hrol-r r in Haiti
more, recently deeeaseil. (iriefhail wasted In t
health, and weeping had washed away le t ’.(>•( <

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