The ladies' garland. [volume], May 17, 1828, Page 194, Image 2

About The ladies' garland. [volume] (Harpers-Ferry, Va. [W. Va.]) 1824-1828

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if yoil ill) nut " i Ij *• n!ir*: 1 v to deprive us of ail
thu brm fits o! • > ;r dollar, ami ton r!i■< • to
tvrar t.U' li lirinenduus nondescripts to tin'
I’heatrr, do, in 's name, i ke them *.:t u lien
you get there ; pci ad venture, by adopt.ng our
counsel, you may pisc»n one of our weak bretli
roll, by a sheep'- eye to the rear- but wide
four charms are so I'.inl 7 ova Nat ai ino, ui
necessity, they must lie liiVj'UCiM/ by do g> li
tlemen behind yon Ni.ah teas kdh d by a
i bailee sliat, .dter being captaingeneral "l our
orpt for tiveiitv years. 1! meter, bull of do
rr at t-|!-r r. bullet proof—there is not a • pair ol
parish is existing tsh can 'coreh him—«i:
■till make a President ol him, for although t.-ry
. ourtenus to the ladies, he I' as svaiv as a tt ea
*<■1. Hut fur turment.s- it is irksome to read
deaths and marl mges— a tried t eteran. fat, lair,
aid forty, sometimes • gives us the slip.' either
by visiting do- tomb of death or matrimony -
’ We could a tale unfold'— hut mum- not a
vrnrd ol thi“ Xrnold oi our Club, until f’ar'hrin
like, he shad! shoot an arrotv at (ns companions
id anus, tt hose ranks he lias—hum—tle-erfcd.
[ here— tve swallow what had risen to our bps,
.nd dare I..m to open his mouth.
Another torment which vexes u«, is that of
•hails, (not bawls,1 and calls 1 he iir-t makes
one a black tiddler’s tnipii, by force id re alhon ;
r man must dance by iule,or ’ equivocation un
does bun;’ a too speedy balance o .balances bis
character for gentility, and it he pauceltr.s, (nut
pan-setts) to untrue time, he is put down as one
who never ‘ sat at good men s leas'-..’ W ith
regard to calls; if one dues not within the can
ltd period, return Ins arqn, intanres’ ’ him do
ye do lie. is cut in a edit—these things ,tjs
'urh our general equanimity of temper, and
trouble the otherwise smooth stream of life's
rnir, as a smoky house—and so forth, do that
ol our married moitals Hut the names by which
w are called by both m..riled and single ladies,
torment, not hy their malice, hut by their obscu
rity— ‘A fusty Old Bachelor! — fusty—fusty •—
what does that mean :’ There are as many I'us
ties among the married as single. Then tte are
called seltl'h. it hen universally wc are called
upon to disburse the most liberally at charity
lectures, because v.c have no families to sup
port. V uii .Jet rv Sneak alw ays puls his wife
and children between his pocket and the e.ontri
bution box, while tte have to shell out under
pain and penalty of being denominated ‘ stinmj:
W liv tvhat a ttotld this is!
OLD MAIDS.
by v luciiEr.on.
Tln-rc is, yi (he present Huy. a bitter feeling
toward w hat a re termed • oltl maids.’ The ve
ry phrase bungs an iinarcountahlc gnu upon
the face ot the render er hearer—a e!a*«ofthe
workmanship of L !. for the reason that they
have not hi t it tools enough to marry, are ostra -
ciscd hr m ui from 1 lie pale of society : and
'a !. .t once w as a v u I nt , and even now, hi suiue
parts el the World is a praise, hv false leasnri
mg is prouourired a cuise, bitch puny pun
»tei. v. h- ri his u it is at a low ebb, has an oft rr
peated lling, to throw at those who are termed
’ old maids.’
In those days when our fathers believed in
the Catholic religion, and when that was deem
ed the true orthodoxy, the devotion of a vestal
to religious vows of celibacy . was esteemed a
hvily act, and a viola’ion ol tnat solemn com
oaet. punished hv death, even if the huh; matri
monial oaths wane placed in the stead. Yet
■ on-i-t ‘nev, f rg' tting in mind, her ow n self
••:-pcct. tiuw. hka a political chungeUne, con.
<! ■ : i) n s what \\ :• -■ "i former eg**, and cun ;it
t pre-ci.t day i i j cme countries, a pr;ii <■.—
A ii. uudi ut li 111• -• n i- thought angelic—at Ihir
iv, a vvuln.'n- it hi!y, a nm-tince.. Ami uhv J
Tin-same virtue- which l.milled, blossomed and
ripened at tin- proper linn s, exist in woman,
» hether she h.<-■ !• .’a tie- I* gitiniate paramour
ui an unvvoiti.y male. (,r w li"t!i. r -lie liar avoid
ed tin cm- attendant upon an uiifuituimte cun
neetian. Herveiv cut- a re an nyed against her
hi the one ea-e, and tin- wlmle married f; iter
ml}' }■ Ip in In r bib.if in the ot!n r 'file
i tin wile ol a bruhd hip-;!, i- I . tier, a ■ 'orui:: r
to tin- lini;l''!ii lugoe, than to remain pur, on
fontaniinnted, an j the wife of no be.t-tiv lord
- ol ( n ation. 1 o - ui.-tunt .;!e such a doctrine,
has 1 tie ( oilier .-ns id an Old 'daid te en pilot
ed. It attributes to a -ingle uoman, the black
."•! of crinn s, tnat of peering into tin- circum
r ta u- ot others, tor j mi poses ol poisoned rua
■ lignity, gu u!"' to some the attribute* ol a demon,
lor the mtcit et throw .rig a deep stain upon alt
| who should dare ret,.in their independence. It
affixes, by die pr-f- i ded c, ntessious ol one ot
their corps a da.-tand} stigma upi n tue whole
i of a class ol the lair, who nut} t,dl under the
' demitnina'ion ot • old mauls; a class, who have
their v irtues ar.d then laciits, their ev il and their
good intentions, w ith thecumnion mass of man
■ kind V. ill any i ue inloim us why hi- sister, if
he has one, would he less v irtuous, because she
remains unmarried? \\ ill he show anv phy-i
cal or rnuial cause for such a strange icsult _
i ct plain common sense to the contrary not
withstanding, dolt-htaded-woult! he-wits turn
| U|i their silly noses at this unprotected race of
; beings, which humanity should defend
lint there arc instances ol old maidi-m of a
touching nature. We know of one in that of
1 In r who was the betrothed of the ill-fated Em
■ ni' tt, who was mind, n ii by the law of England
i —the. one who has been tii- "U t of:* poet
| »*:«rp. Mie was wedded to his inrun.ry. ami
though ala ays an ornament to society, vet sari
ness dwelt in her heart, from the day uf tlx
execution oi her lover, bln: declined to call
her atiectluns Irani the grave where they were
i huried, and remained single until she was an
j o:d maid, in the festivities uf a party, where
i she was sometimes unwillingly dragged, still,
| ' melancholy marked her for her ow n,' ami true
to her tirst and only love, she declined all oilers
tor a ‘change ot condition;' re me mix-ring her
young hero, who gave his life for the liberties
of his country, she could nut pass her high
wrought affections, like coin, to purchase in
t< icst, wealth, home, and a husband. She was
an old maid, however, and by modern slang, to
be esteemed vicious, deprav r-d, a meddler and
a scold. Day by day. di-ease preyed upon ber,
and she wen! to the tomb, an example of the
strength ot temale affection, resolution and vir
tue, and let him w ho dares to -pit out his spleen
upon her grave; let the whole bevy of the
married, assemble in solemn divan, and let that
one more pure in motive and act, dig out her
corpse and expose it as a mark for malice to
! shoot his arrows at.
FROM THE HEW-YORK MORNING COrHILR.
CUM KS-IDNS OF AN ()! n M \1II.
London, 18'iH—ticprinted.Ahc- Verk —Con
fessions of an Old Maid ! conte-sious ot" an old
hddle-stick ! they are as much the one as the
oth r. The book is a real take in—it is a tho
luugh catch penny With such a captivating
title, one that excites the hope that old maiden
hood, like 1 rei masonry, is about to be dive«‘.ed
i o! its mysteries, the book is an absolute bore—
paper, ink, * et prccterea nihil.’ We bear too
profound a r^peet lor the fraternity—no, the
Huietif, ol gentle spinsters, to suppose that on*
ol thru number is the authoress. The title is
| an in position. \\ e ate ready to make affidavit
th it the author is a surly old bachelor, • with a
decreasing leg and an increasing* waistcoat It
‘ is a nioral impossibility that any woman could
write so flat a novel
Hut if a real, bona fide old maid would onh
v nte 1 i-r confessions, how the book would sell '
How tlie fair promulgator would he nhrh-'ccd—
how the new ^papers would teem with renuncia
tion> ot old maiden ship—what a noise it would
make in the IVat!
The confessions of an old maid! And wha*
woo d or! maids have to confess? That thee
were c- or anxious for mat rim my. hut that no
] body U'ked them ? Certainly not. There is
i scarce!) in old maid in existence that might not 4
have been married, had she the ught proper to ™
accept 1 om. Dick, or Harry, for a husband It
is fastidiousness which makes old maids. It j-,
chance v Inch brings congem d hearts tog( (her
: and chance does not happen to all, de'pit>- o;
- Solomon and his wisdom Many a woman
dooms bet sell to singleness, because chance hac
not die red her a husband worthy of her love
am! respeet i herefore do we honor old niaius.
and therefore shall we ever couch our lance in
1 their defence. It is no! true that they arc crass
• peevish, atul disagreeable As a class, they arc
i jn-f the reverse; they are generally well-inform
I ed, sociable, and good hearted—they seldom
take anv airs upon themselves, which young
ladies are prone to do—they are acute observers
ot men and manners—and he who gain;'
their good will, finds not only firm friends, bn!
judicious advisci s. If w orks of active benevo
h nee are to he done, if the sick are to be vi-P
. ed. and the pom i r Sieved. onefold maid is worth
a d.izr, w in i in- sympathies ar.d charite
witii vluch ti,*' 1.liter embellish home, are rnr
rted by the forum t into the dwelling-- rf distress
i She is the Seer. !nrv <d Foreign Aft’.iirs in the
- cabinet of charity. Stic, acts her part arid fulfils
j her destiny, l y diminishing the evils of human;
1 ty, and who will refuse to -av. ‘ Well Done! '
i I.et old maids then lie held in proper esteem
i by the world—and let all old bachelors, w iio
, cannot give a good account of thcnisslvcs, b-~
han'ml! -
1 \ irtue is the bri^htost ornament of youth.
, As. on the one hand, religion never appears
i more lovely ami engaging, than when it
I dwells on the lips, and is exhibited in the
lives ut the young people, so, on the othet
: hand, your persons never appear so amiable.
| and deserve so much esteem and confidence,
I as when they are religious ; when tliev walk
! in the paths of virtue, hones! v. -obriety. and
j integrity. Always interesting in itself,
j youth is rendered doubly so, v umi a-' i.-ia
t* * the a1 ares a1111 tempers oI .■ e a'’S_
, pel, A young man. or a young woman, drs
i tilute ot teitaton, may he vrrv estimable
| and worthy on account of the nmia I-ness
1 ot their d";sj,o-itions, and the propriety of
i their deportment. Hut w here the spirit and
l graces of t hi i'tianity are added, it is like
j ad dine- life and motion to a statue, which
: we have admired tor its proportion and de
( ■rations. Hot a \oung person of elegant
fotm, and engaging manners, who lives in
; every species id impuiitv and Id :-p!,e
j my. deserves t be compared to a finis' ed
statue, steaming forth corruption, and po*