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The Charleston advocate. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1894-189?, July 01, 1894, Image 3

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Did eT?r you hear of Mifla Polly^bannon,
Who nearly goes mad at the light of a caniwii ?
J ust omeide of Biistpl she lives alrsicne,
And haan't bo much&a a cat of her own !
While dreading the thought of the Fourth of July,
She said to hei?elf, * I shall certainly fly I"
Then suddenly there popped in her head the way
Moet sejrenely to ?pend our National Day.
At evening, sbe'-plagged all the key-holea with
wax, v ,
And oyer each wiudow hung blanket* from tacks ;
Then, filling her ewrs full of^pink cotton-batting,
8he tied on her ni^ht-cap, all ruftles and tatting,
And t<ai4 to herself, " Now we'll see if that cannon
At four in the morning will rouse Polly Shannon !"
The Mayor of Bris tol, however, was sick,
At d evem so low aj to mind the dock's tick ;
And, therefore, th-t Council made haste to proclaim,
By means of great powers, in letters of lUme :
J' Because ok His UOnou tiie Mayor's Con
Pronounced very critical by thevphysician,
To-morrow no cracger, gun, cannon or pistol
Shall once be shot c ff In the city of Bristol.
Police are instructed, jmd will, without fail,
Moet promptly remand all oflenders to jail."
Just think of the griei' of those poor Bristol boys
When leading this placard which vetoed their joys !
But P0H7 slept "sweetly, for no thunderous ic'^r
Of cannon terrific awoke her at four !
Twas late when she rose, with supreme satisfac
' tion,
Preparing herself for a day of inaction ;
For how could she work ? the bonne dark as a
And mefcury going*'way up like a rocket?
But whefc perspiration meant peace and protection,
She felt she could stand it with little objection.
So all th* day long in the darkness and heat
She sweltered and wor/ied, while outs'de the sweet
Ripe fragrance of summer pervaded the air,
The bird* gave their concert*, all nature was fair,
While never a gun, % torpedo, nor pistol,
The ghcefof a sound Wxike in solemn old Bristol 1
The next paorniDg came With a sense of release
Which filled her whole *oul with contentment and
8he toaaed wax and cottjn far out ot her sight,
Threw wide doors and-windows, and gazed with
delight !
Her 1 eigbbor, Dick Jot-ts, came and lounged on
her gate :
"Good mornin' ! How are ye? You're up rather
I thonght^you was sick, 'twas ho sort of shut up !
Too bad oil the boys, th^r 'are bill they put up !"
"What btll?". M Ain't ye heard?" Tfcet's why
['twas so. still t ?
They put oft the Fourth -'cause the Mayor's so ill."
" And didn't they ahoot^ft the cannon .at all ?"
Cried Poller, amazed.' ' Not a gun great or small ;
There ain't been a day, us I know on, this year
So dead level > till as tW&a yesterday here!"'
Miss Polly said only, "Well, there 1 I declare!"
Tten slammed to the door, and dropped into a
tfhair; * 1
With lookvery sheepish, and manner lers curt,
She thought, "After t&is I won't cry till I'm
hurt "
: Wide Awake,
.? ?
how tHE British; 3eat 'phrastus
" 'N' she says I wha'u't Bpend one oent for
crackers cor torpydoea/aer go down to see the
p'rade, nejr any of the boys. She says I've got
to stay hum and keep still this Fourth."
The pro|pect was evidently dire toTheophras
tus Wilson, but the ]>er$c>n to whom he poured
out his woes only twinkled a pair of merry eyes.
Haivey Harris was several years older than
'Phrastus, but he listened with an interest very
comforting to the smallof boy.
"She says I kin take the old hoss-pistle, 'n'
fire it oft once down behind the barn. 'N' I kin
tie dad's old flag 'o a broomstick, acd wa*e it
about all 1 wanter. Who want* an old broom
stick 'round aDy^ay f T-hat aint no Fourth of
'Phrasjtts sniffed? he s almost sniveled. His
hearer laughed outright.
"Say, 'phrastus, what; under the canopy did
you do la*-; Fourth that n akes Aunt 'Scilla set
tle down on you like this'^ '
"Nothing" said 'Phra^sus sullenly.
"Oh pabaw ! , I know ^ ou , and I know Aunt
Pri8cilla. "She'd never corner you up so close
without some reason. Hofcest, now, out with it,
and I'll see what I can dc tor you."
"There was the cat,*' said 'Phrastus, digging
his toes into the ground k \
" What about the cat ?*?
"She toid me to givo h'm his dinner, 'n' I put
a fir?-oraoker under the p^p. It didn't hurt him
none, but he never camn fer a week; and he
won't teoh' codfish senc.e '
" Oh, ha ! What elss ?v\
"The setiin' hen," suid JPhrastus, soratchlng
his right ear. " I knowe^-she wanted her broke
up, 'n' I bet & couple o( cfaokers'd do it "
11 Well, did they?" - ^
"Guess vou'd a thought so! They set the
'? ' s'
? 4.
nest afire, and most burnt up the chioken
'Phrastus aotually grinned.
" Ah, ha ! Go ahead ; that wasn't all. What
put on the finishing touch?"
"I a'poBe 'twas the new wash-Viler." said
'Phra?tus, frowniDg. "We tuk it out behind
the barn to light a buaoh in. My, didn't they
pop 1 Then we forgot it teetotal, and come wash
day nobody knowed where the b'iler was."
" And when they found it ?"
"Sathin' had step on it !" muttered 'Phrastus.
"But I don't think folks ought to hold things a
hull year."
Harvey threw his head baok, and laughed so
heartily that 'Phrastus stopped frowning and
"Now look here," paid Harvey, when he had
had bis laugh out, " I haven't forgotten how you
found Frowpy for me last aummer, and if you'll
promise not to use them around the house or the
barn, or anywhere where they'll disturb Aunt
'Spilla, I'll put half a dozen packs under the big
atone behind the barn for you Fourth of July
"It'a awfnl good of you!" 'Phraatos's
oheeka grew shiniDg red "There aha'n't no
body hear 'em 'cept me ; I'll take 'em down to
the woods. And s*y, 111 hunt your dog every
time he gets kst ? don't you give any other fel
ler the job. What they got in that wagon ?"
"It must be the English ram Mr. Tamer's
been buying," said llarvey, as he turned to
look. "Gave two hundred dollars for him. I
guess I'll walk down and see him when they take
him out."
"Two ? hundred ? dollars for a she^p !"
'Phr*stus hopped over the fence and trotted
along by his friend's side "What a pile of
money lor one sheep ! Say, Harvey, 'd you jest
aa lief put in a box of matohesand a fi' cent flag
'Btead of two o' them bunches ?"
"Just exactly."
The wagon turned into Mr. Turner's barn
yard, and the boys followed it
"I bet I'd never pay' them old British two
hundred dollars for a steep," said 'Phrastus,
thrusting his hands deep into hia pockets as he
watched the men carefully lower the Cotawold
ram, " King George XII.," to the ground.
" Wbat d j you know about the British, Bub?"
asked one of the men.
"I know we whipped 'em twiot ? Fourth of
July," said 'Phrastns.
"Well, it seems they oan beat us on sheep,"
laughed the man
"I 'spect if Mr. Turner had looked round
he'd got jest as good a one in 'Meriker for ten
dollars !" cried 'Phrastus. "They can't beat us
on an>thing !"
HaviDg reached the ground safely, King
George stamped his royal foot, and shook his
curved horns. Then, as Mr. Turner entered the
yard by a side gate, the ram dashed forward
with unexpected quickness, knooked his new
owner's feet from under him, and laid him flat
on his back.
"He's got a good smart temper," remarked
one of the assistants, as King George appeared
ready to charge the entire force.
"Serves Mr. Turner rit>ht for spending so
much money on an old British sheep," 'Phrastus
whimpered to Harvey.
* # *
Aunt Priscilla notioed with surprise that
'Phrastus neither whined nor pleaded when she
reannounced her Fourth of J aly edict. She re
peated the command in order to keep her own
resolution firm, for she dearly loved the mother
less boy, misohievous as he was.
" You haint been giviDg him money for fire
crackers or dossying him up, have ye, Ben?"
she lr quired of her husband.
"No, I aint," responded Uncle Ben. "But
jest think on't, Percilla 1 The heft of a boy's
livin' is rumpas, and to choke him off on the
Fonrth ! It's? well, it's plaguy cruel 1 He'll
"No, he won't 1 You jest let him alone, Ben
jamin Arbuokle. It's time he learned that oats
and wash b'ilers and other folks hfcd some rights
on the Fourth of July 's well 's boys."
* * *
"Where you going, 'Phrastus?" she de
manded, when the Fourth at last arrived, as
quiet in their immediate vicinity as if it bad
befn a Sunday.
" Djwn to Mr. Turner's wood lot to sail my
He had the boats conspicuously tucked under
his arm. Aunt 'Scllla regarded him with a mix
ture of remorse and suspicion.
" You aint fired off your pistol yet?"
"No'm; don't wanter. Once aint notMn'.
It'd sound as if it'd lost itself."
"Your pa's flag is in there on the table."
"That's had too much rowder a'ready."
'Phrattus had carefully studied up this smart
speech in advance.
"Huml" Aunt Priscilla sniffed "Well, go
'long, then. If you go to that p'rade, sir, you
know what you'll get."
"Aint goin'."
11 And if I hear of your hanging round any of
the other boys' houses, you'll oatoh it 1"
" Yes'm."
'Phrastus slouohed oil with an air of deep*
seated melancholy till the barn was between
himself and Aunt 'Soilla's remorseful eyes.
Harvey had more than kept bis promise, and
'Phrattus exeouted the final steps of a war dance.
" Aint he good, though! I'll hunt dogs for
for him all day. Look at these two big fellers !
They'll do for Long Toms on the 'Chesapeake
It was Dot yet nine o'olook, but there was ev
ery promise of a hot dav. The leaves hung mo
tionless ; the cattle were already seeking shade.
'Phrastus rubbed his arm across his perspiring
" Wonder why it's always so awful hot on the
Fourth ? May be 'cause there's so muoh fire ev
erywhere. Wouldn't it be fan to have a snow
He beguiled the way by a delightful fsncy of
flying snowballs, eaoh carrying a lighted fire
craoker, until the olimbing of the last fence
brought him into the edge of the woods.
Through the pond, a shallow drinking place
for sheep, a small brook flowed. 'Phrastus sat
down under a tree, and paddled his bare toes in
the water with a sigh of oontent
"If there was only jest one other feller with
me, wouldn't it be prime? But then he'd have
to be the British and get beat, 'canse I'm bound
to be 'Merican."
'Phrastus had planned a naval engagement
which should reverse a faot of history. One of
Uncle Ben's favorite ttories was of the ship
"Chesapeake," when the Eoglish ship "Leop
ard " forced her to strike her oolors in a time of
peace. Uncle Ben's grandfather had been a
sailor on the American vessel, and the story
Uncle Bjn loved to lbten to as a child, he loved
to tell to 'Phrastus.,.
But 'Phrastus had determined that those ships
should mpet again on Mr. Turner's pond with a
very different result
He began hia preparations. The five cent flag
rendered the "Chesapeake" top-heavy; so he
stuck it in the bank behind her. Truth com
pels me to confess that 'Phrastus showed very
little generosity toward his imaginary foes.
The "Chesapeake " was a full- rigged sohooner*
at least eighteen inches long, with two rows of
fire-oraoker guns on either side. The English
ship was only a third as large? a block of wood
whittled roughly into the semblance of a boat,
with one croDked, wobbling mast. Her comple
ment of guns was a meager half-dozen ? three on
a side.
"For you're bound to be blowed skyer-higher
anyway, you old Britbher," said 'Phrastus.
The two big fire-crackers were placed Jn posi
tion at the " Chesapeake's" bow and stern, aDd
the commodore, joyfully striking a match,
stooped down to fire his guns.
Whack ! 'Phrastus shot out into the pond,
turning a somersault, and scattering matches as
he went. His line of motion was directly aoross
the "Chesapeake." Bjth her slender masts
snapped, and the stately vessel careened till her
who!e armament slid oft into the water.
'Phrastus's first thought, as he emerged puf
fiog and sputtering, was that the heat had ex
ploded the fire crackers all at once. But when
he got the water out of his eyes, he saw that the
British had received unexpected reinforcements.
King George X1L, arriving unperceived from
the rear, had disposed of the American oommo
dore and now turned his attention to the Stars
and S Gripes, which he jammed into the bank with
repeated blows of his woolly head.
The patriotic blood of 'Phrastus boiled.
"Git ont of that, you old British ram 1 Le'
my flag alone I I'll hit you with a rock, I will 1"
He dug vainly about with bis fingers In the
muddy bed of the pond, but found nothing
larger than a small pebble. Meantime King
George's pointed feet were tramping his ammu
nition deep into the soil, 'phrastus lifted up
his voice in reproach and lamentation.
"You're the meanest, meanest old sheep that
ever was 1 We did beat you, we did, we did !
Oh, my flag ? boo ? m'f'r'-crackers ? hoo ? he's
a sp'ilin' every last one I I wish they'd bust
and turn him wrong-side ouon-out."
The howl drew King George's attention to the
pond. He stood a moment with lowered horns,
and then pluDged threateningly forward, draw
ing back, however, as his feet touched the wa
At the forward movement 'Phrastus turned
and ran. He reached the shore as King George
came galloping around the curve.
Up the nearest tree scrambled the small Amer
ican. It was not a very large one, and received
a blow from King George's head which almost
shook the olimber loose before he reaohed a
place of safety in the crotch.
For some time? 'Phrastus afterward said
"the hull mornin'," but he was in no oondition
to judge? King George butted the tree, ferfbging
down upon himself fresh explosion* of tearful
wrath, and all the breakable branches 'Phrastus
oonld reach. Afterward h? nibbled abont in the
vicinity, returning at iatftvals to ren?w the as
sault, and never going far enough away to per
mit the escape of hi? prisoner.
Annt 'Soilla's dinner was late, for Unole Ban
went to the parade ; but it was an exceptionally
good one, and there was a puffy little turnover
at 'Phrastus's place. Aunt 'Soilla rang the lit
tle bell, and Unole Ben rang the big bell, with
out bringing any small nephew forward to eat it.
"After all I've said," declared Aunt Prisollla,
her lips growing ominously thin and tight,
"that boy's been and gone to the p'rade 1"
"'Taint agin nature if he has," said Unole
Ben. "When you stretoh string too tight, it'll
" Something'U snap," said Aunt 'Soilla. Her
eyes did. " I've got to train up that boy in the
way he should go, and I mean to do it. Don't
you dast say a word, Benjamin Arbnokle ! If he
don't learn to go straight now, he'll go orooked
all his life."
After dinner, she out two long lilao sprouts,
and trimmed them with ostentatious oare. While
she was washing dishes in the kitohen, Unole
Ben slyly out tiny slashes along the whole length
of eaoh switch.
It was the middle of the afternoon, when a
boy with a dirty, tear marked face and mud
stained olothes shuffled into the house. Under
his arm he oarried a dismasted toy lohooner, and
a dilapidated, fire oent American flag.
"80, Theophrastus Wilson," greeted Aunt
'Soilla, "you've been to the p'rade, after all.
Very well, sir, you're going to remember this
Fourth of July as long you live. Come straight
She flourished one of the switohes, and it fell
to pieoes in her astonished hands.
"Guess I shell 'member it," whined 'Phras
tus. "Ihaintbeen t' the p'rade? I haint. I
stuok up in a tree this hull everlastin' Fourth,
with Turner's old ram a buttin' at it tryin' to
shake me down. I'd had to s'ayed there all
night, too, likely, if Mr. Turner's Pete hadn't
come along. You jest ast him."
When Harvey II Arris he*rd of it, he could not
resist say lug, "So the British beat, eh, 'Pbras
"Just that onoe !" said 'Phrastus. ? Mr*.
Frank Lit, in Youth's Companion.
He scarce could wait in patient state
While the laggard days went by,
Our little Fred with nat-brown bead,
For the grand old Fourth of J uly.
He thought that noise for girls and boys
Was eDjoyment great and high,
And noise will be in sway, said he,
On the grand old Fourth of July.
It came at length, in heat and strength,
The day that bade thraldom die ;
The boy he rose and donned his clothes
At dawn on the Fourth of July,
He stamped the floors, he slaurmed tie doors,
He uttered a joyous cry,
And shewed his joys by din and noise
At threshold of Fourth of J uly.
At noon of day the fiery ray
Made earth all parohed and dry,
And Fred grew ill, he had his fill
Of the grand old Fourth of July.
His mamma's bed for little Fred,
Where he might softly lie,
Was found the bast, with sl'ep and rest,
For the ending of Fourth of July.
Enjoy the day with noise and play,
And let the loud crackers fly,
And celebrate with pomp and state
The grand old Fourth of July.
Avoid Fred's way, let this plan sway
As the lustrous time draws nigh :
O mle jourself, my little elf,
On the grand eld Fourth of July.
Anna D Walker , in Christian Work.
A bulletin issued by the Census Bureau gives
us the figures. The "true valuation", or sell
ing price, of all property in this country, exclu
sive of Alaska? real estate, live stock, farm im
plements, mines snd quarries, gold and silver,
machinery, mill products on band, railroads,
telegraphs, telephones, ah'ps, canals, with other
things too numerous to mention? in 1890 was
$65,037,091,197. The gain during the preceding
deoade was at least fifty per oent , and probably
more. The average for every man, woman and
child in the country is now over $1,COO Among
the states New York ranks first in wealth ; then
in order come Pennsylvania, Illinois, Ohio, Mas
sachusetts. California stands sixth. Nearly
one1Uiird of the entire wealth of the country is
found in the New England states, New York,
New Jersey and Pennsylvania. Ours is "a
goodly heritage"? particularly this northeast
ern oorner of it.? Seltcted.
! "It is worth a thousand pounds a year to
have the habit of looking on the bright side of
' things."

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