San Antonio light. [volume], June 05, 1911, CITY EDITION, Image 4

About San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993

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THEMM ARTtlll UtNT
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m M* AWTOMIO IMMT.
m BAN ANTONIO GAABTTA
Bnaiag Dally, ■uAar Mataing.
Menbtn AtaoaiataJ Praw.
TH* LIGHT TUBMBHINO 00- FnbllOeia.
CHARLES & DIEHL.
HARRISON L. BEACH.
TBLBFHONB OALLB.
(hum «<Um mA smUtlM dapartauk.
Mk pteasi 1888.
. TMBMS ON •UMOBWTWN.
baliv asA Basday, aarriar, 1 month... .1 .M
ftS 3 MX: xn WS:£ H
Bair aad Baadar. mail, 1 pear (to
Bna4>7a i JM*a • a • a a a • a •• • • a • •
Biapia copy, daily ar Baaday M
Uun4 al tha poatoflioa al Ban Antonia,
Texas, aa ■itur.
The B. ft Backvilh Special Ageau. rap« 3
aaaiaiivca. Baa York. Tnbaaa kuildkl. Oki
cage, Trtbuna kuildiaß.
TO 8UB80RIBKB&
U la important whan daurina tha addraaa
W pear papar -caanyad to giro Both old and
M* addraaaaa. Should dahrary ba irragalar.
Blaaai aalUy tha oMioa. Bllbar taiaphoaa lit.
Tka Baa Antonie UgM ia on aala at koiaia
Md seva-eiaada thronghaut the United
CIBCT7LATIQN BTATBMBNT.
Tha circulation of THE SAN ANTO
NIO LIGHT during the month of May,
UIL was aa fellows:
May Maw
1 17.544 13 11,111
3 17,154 11 .’ 17.488
3 17,408 18 .. 17.11*
> 4 17,334 1* 13.407
5 14,104 38 «.... 17.333
4 13.124 21 19.000
7 14,400 33 ........-.17.438
3 IP.&rO 23 17.917
3 ..21.044 34 .. 17.540
13 ..77... ...31.853 26 17,897
11 18,472 24 17.830
12 18,430 34 17.420
13 ...«. 18.731 28 19,003
14 .18,500 29 17,804
IS ....; 10:080 80 ••"IM’!
SI a a• a • os oh .IS»SW
Total for Aoath SBtJHS
Average dally circulation 18,155
Exchange, free coplea, returns
and all unsold cobles daily.... ‘B3
Net paid daily circulation 1i,578
I, Harvey L. Steele, circulation mana
ger of Tne San Antonio Light, hereto'
certify and swear that the shove totals
of circulation have been verified by me
and are correct. HARVEY L. STEELL.
Sworn to before me. John J. Wahl,
notary public for San Antonio. June 1.
UH JOHN J. WAHL.
(Seal) Notary Public, Bexar Co.. Tex.
LARGEST CIRCULATION OF
ANY PAPER IN SAN ANTONIO
MONDAY. JUNE 5. 1911.
POSSIBLE STORMS
When a cold wind from the
4jiorth and a hot wind from the
y£suth blow in upon a common
center the usual result, according
to the stitistics of the weather
bureau, is a storm. It is possible
that the Mexican political situa
, tion may furnish a parallel to the
meteorological phenomena. From
the north is coming Madero, the
successful leader of the insurrec
tion, and, all things considered,
the logical successor of Diaz in
the presidency. From the south
is coming General Reyes, who
has no part in the revolt, and has
not, so far as is known, contrib
uted anything to the success of
the movement. He is also a can
didate for the presidency. He has
no particular claim upon it, but 1
he is one of those gentlemen who
are constantly in a receptive state
of mind and if the presidency is
offered to him once there will be
no need of repeating the opera-
tion.
Reyes has a considerable per
sonal following in Mexico and is
entirely capable of making trou
ble if he desires to do so. HIS
coming heralds trouble and Ma
dero must be prepared for it. It
goes without saying.that it will
be better for the American resi
dents of Mexico and for the
United generally if Ma
dero is Aiade president. Reyes
is, in the last man whom this
country would prefer to see in (the
presidential chair.
‘ Madero, it is to be feared, has
made a serious mistake in ever al
lowing Mr. Reyes to enter the
country. He may not believe it
just now, but he will realize it
later.
ANOTHER DEADLY PERIL
Another peril has been discov
ered. Another unsuspected dan
ger is pressing upon you. It has,
in all probability, already caused
the loss of one human life, and
unless the public is warned addi
tional lives may be taken. This
is the menace: Your glass eye
may explode at any minute and
there is no telling what it may
do to you.
A 'short time ago The Lioht
called attention to the fate of a
gentleman who became unduly
curious regarding the “innards"
of a golf ball. It blew up while
he was examining it and almost
destroyed his eyesight. This dan
ger, however, is closer, much clos
er. It may in fact happen within
you, whereas the other accident
would necessarily be without you,
unless you embarked upon a diet
of golf balls. The glass eye may, in
MONDAY,
fact, go “bang” while vou are
wearing it and inflict fatal in
-1 uries. That is what happened to
7 rank R. Minner of Allentown,
Pa.'
Mr. Minner was conversing
with friends when his glass eye
fetched loose with a roar. Par
ticles of glass were blown back
ward, and may have reached the
brain, in which event Mr. Minner
may not recover. The cause of
the accident is said to have been
celluloid which some maker of
shoddy eyes mixed with the glass.
It became heated and blew up.
The danger, however, does not
stop there. What happens to an
eye may, perchance, happen to ‘a
tooth. Who know* that celluloid
has not been mixed with some
“crown” that is doing yeoman
service. Who knows that a full
set of “uppers” may not go to ex
plosive smash at any minute. This
is, upon reflection, a strong argu
ment for slow mastication. Peo
>le who ruth their eating are like
y, by consequent friction, to over
leat their teeth and blow their
leads off at any time.
The danger calls for attention
and self examination. The direct
application of heat will inform
you at any time whether celluloid
is a constituent of your “crowns.”
Hold a lighted candle to each
“crown” for one minute, and if it
does not explode you may know
that it is a good tooth.
Your glass eye, however, is an
other matter. The best way to
determine the degree of danger
from that source is to bake the
eye along with the potatoes. If
it comes out with the potatoes it
is a good eye. If it blows off the
top of the stove it is,.of inferior
quality and you should. try an
other make.
TOO GREAT CONFIDENCE
Gov. Woodrow Wilson sheds
luster upon the position to which
the people of his state have ad
vanced him. His years of medi
tation in the studious cloister’s
pale of old Princeton have not
•prevented him from achieving
fame and honor in the field of
practical political thought, and his
matured convictions are perma
nently embodied in the literature
of American statesmanship.
But Governor Wilson, like
every other man of profound at
tainment, would be all the better
tor an occasional pilgrimage to the
fountain-head of his own inspira
tion. After communion with the
care-free, joyous American audi
ences which have greeted him
from coast to coast, a dip into
“The American Commonwealth,”
to the strength of which he has
himself indirectly contributed so
largely, would be no bad thing!
In his address before the South
Carolina Press association, speak
ing of present day evils, the con
centration of wealth and the re
sultant problems which are taxing
the minds of the best and wisest
of the nation, he said:
“I am not afraid that the Amer
ican people will not know of rem
’edies for the evils so soon as it
1 distinguishes what those evils
are.”
If Governor Wilson will con
sult his friend Bryce as freely and
faithfully as that eminent think
er has drawn upon the rich treas
ure of Governor Wilson’s thought
he will remember that this same
fatalistic conviction of the Amer
ican public that it is able to mas
ter any peril that may befall it
in time to avoid their worst con
sequences, this overweening con
fidence in its own infallibility in
the face of real or threatened trou
ble is really the besetting sin of
that same careless, happy-go
lucky public and is in no present
need of expert encouragement. As
a cold matter of fact, the Ameri
can public has no open sesame to
the doorway of national salvation
and its blind faith in the belief
that “everything will turn out
right,” because it is supposed to
be divinely and pre-eminently en
dowed with the ability to make
things turn out right, will cause
trouble and perturbation in the fu
ture as it has caused sorrow and
disaster in the past.
The American public has re
peatedly faced evils and realized
the essential quality of those
evils years and sometimes genera
tions before it has been driven to
seek and apply the remedies. Gov
ernor Wilson knows this, but the
great American public does not
know it and if the same public
were told of it at a political love
feast it would not like it at all
because that would prevent it
from cheering itself.
—
Discussion of Bailey hae caused a
McKinney (Texas) couple to seek the
divorce court. Some people are dis
turbed so easily by trifles.
The poet who warbled "What So
Rare as a Day In June?” must be
given great credit for hfs perspicacity
In so correctly portraying San An
tbnio weather. Outside of San An-
tonio. the thermometer* roport that
the days art rather more well done
than rare.
It being announced that Ran An
tonio may have a postal bank about
July 1, loyal Ran Antonians will now
b4*in to save their money ao they boa
patronise it
FOrt Worth Indignantly repudiates
the calumny that the waterworks
company laid special mains to Con
vention halL
"Taft Strikes Interests a Heavy
Blow” rends a news headline. Tea, a
tremendous slap on the wrist.
CRITTCItiING MH. WELLS.
From the Now York Evening Poet, -
Answering Mr. H. Q. Welle* com
plaint that he has plucked>up courage
to insult him in print. Mr. Clement
K. Shorter affirms in the columns st
the Sphere that he would no more
dream of Insulting Mr. wells than ho
would think of Insulting Sir ThonMW
Moro or Lord Verulam. The trouble,
according to Mr. Shorter, is that ho
said exactly what he thought of "Ann
Veronica" and "The New Machiavelli.*
He had been saying exactly what ho
thought of Mr- Welle’ books ever sines
there were such things, but. before. No
remarks had been co pllmentafy.
Upon these later occasions they poße
•hted the statements that "Ann Ver
onica" had “a mischievous taint in it."
and that in "The New Machiavelli” the
author had p verted his great tal
ents and marred a book full of Bound
political philosophy with what his
critic considered debased sentiment
He advisee Mr. Wells to try to rise
above the excessive sensltlvenem that
to the portion of too many authors,
and “not bo urgent for criticism of the
typo provided by Mr. Treacle in Pea
cock's famous novel.” This leads him
Into a consideration of the attitude of
greater writers than Mr. Wells toward
criticism.
"Authors are. Indeed, a sensitive
race. Sir Arthur Pinero once said of
ths dramatic author that he only
wanted praise. There is something to
be said for that portion because in
the theater.an army of people. other
than the dramatist, are living upon
the good will of the public. A writer
ought to be satisfied to be Judged
rigidly upon the merits of his achleve
-’ent Yet In the modern world this
sensitiveness of authors has been very
marked.
"In the case of Dickens and George
Eliot the position was met by their
never reading criticism of any kind.
Tennyson and SwlnburnO. on the other
hand, were intensely sensitive to criti
cism and read every word In every
half-penny newspaper about them
selves. I have often heard George
Meredith tell the story that when Ten
nyson was wandering with the younger
writer along Surrey lanes he broke out
In his deep. gutteM voice, ‘Apollo
dorus says that I am not a great poet'
Apollodorus was a pseudonym for
George Gilfillan, a minor critic, some
of whose essays have been preserved
In ‘Everyman's Library' by Sir Wil
liam Nicoll. 'Why should you worry
about what Appolodorus says7* the
poet was asked. But he did worry."
Mr. Shorter puts Mr. Wells among
the half dozen "most considerable
prose writers now living," the others
being Hardy, "Mark Rutherford,”
Shaw, Barrie and Kipling.
ABOUT RECIPROCITY
An Unfriendly Body.
It took the house only seventeen
days to organize Itself and to pass
the reciprocity bill. Thirty-seven days
have since passed and the senate has
done nothing. The bill to still in com
mittee. It Is not necessary to go be
hind the returns to find evidence of
the senate’s bad f.-fth. The recoig
Itself proves that Mr. Taft's fears are
Justified and that the senate Is as un
friendly to honest reciprocity as It was
to honest tariff revision.—New York
World. ,
One Question.
There is a question the opponents
of reciprocity have never answered.
That Is. why not consent to an ar
rangement which If It were to prove
harmful could be rescinded forthwith?
Men quite as intelligent as those who
are fighting reciprocity and Just as
unwilling to harm the farmers be
lieve that it would bensfit them. Tha
only way to settle the question Is by a
trial. —Chicago Tribune.
Cannot I’lensc Insurgents.
Nothing that is done seems to please
the Insurgents. They could, by com
bining with the democrats—which
they refuse to do—put through the
reciprocity agreement and get a wise
and moderate measure of tariff re
form. The power Is theirs, and the
responsibility must be theirs, too. It
Is hard to believe that the present
tariff is the very one against which
they argued so strongly two years ago
—against which they voted. —Indian-
apolis News.
Republicans Playing Politics.
It Is for the republican party to say
whether or not the ratification bill
shall be ijaased. It looks as If repub
lican senators were playing politics.
A big section, a very influential sec
tion of their party is opposed to the
agreement. It holds that It is ft blow
at the protective system and that 11s
ratification would lessen the chances
of the republican party to elect a
pnsldtnt next year.—Savannah News.
Surrender Inevitable.
The opponents of reciprocity are
evidently resolved to die hard, but
their flnal-gurrender is inevitable. And
It is extremely likely to be hastened
by the physical discomfort which to
a constantly Increasing extent will at
tend procrastinations — Philadelphia
Press.
Laurier's Illuminating Speech.
It is to be hope’ that the speech
delivered by the Canadian premier will
have the effect of removing any ling
ering doubts, and will prepare the way
for a better understanding all around.
It may be disappointing to Canadians
to learn that there was any need for
such a speech, but the need having
shown itself no man more competent
to meet the emergency could be found
than Premier Laurier. —Woodstock
Rantlnel-Reviaw
THE SAN ANTONIO LIGHT
Observant Citizen
। Thu heart ui cv«r> one baa a \ui
nerable spot if we pould only touch *
there, livery day I boo men who are
••lied “aerßheads." "aid fogies,” or
"greitaltoa." We bm them in I’uel
bbsa in prafaaaiona. in all occupa
tlOßß. Aad their attitude toward th<
world to Juat about aa attractive as
are Mod iololoa to a thirsty tramp
oa a dosty July aporaoon. B»t it
not the moa thomaeivea that we aee.
It la the effoot of the world upon
them rofleoted ia their manner and
srpßsaMin. Aad wo are part of th”
world. Perhaßo the ploturo to dis
torted aad Mm rays refracted and de
fioetod Just a ml but there is an
erlßtaal ptotwo juot the same. Th<
BatuHe of theoo aiae are attbned to
eertata aotea, and It to to euch alow
that they will raapoad Ab a rule,
all mea have a hobby. Oaoe approach
ed through that hobby, they are as
soft m wet clay forever
thereafter. One man I know has n
marked predilection for setter bird
degß. Aaotber will talk by the hour
oa MteMoMtoe. Aaotber to tetereeted
In woeaoa’B fashions. MU another
wM aagloct hta business for an hour
to "B4«*te” oa the andeat Hyksos
Mage aad ■gyptoiogy in general. I
know a drummer who, although he
hlmaelf never smokes, always stocks
up oa a certain brand of Turkish
cigardttea before he vieits the store
of a dry goods merchant in his ter
ritory. MU another quite sensible
man to almost rabid on the subject
of ribbons. All these, almost unbeu
able to the unsophisticated, become as
insistently and as Interestingly loqua
cious as the Ancient Mariner when
approached by “the ones who know.”
It is my belief that if the efficiency
of the fire department 1s to be main
tained, motor-driven apparatus must
be installed in the centrally located
stations. The laying of asphaM on
the streets and plasas will ir time
compel such an Improvement. This
was brought forcibly to my mind a
few days ago, when I saw the de
partment respond to a tire on Bols
d'Arc street Immediately upon the
sound of the flrp gongs the chief in
his auto was seen to whirl past,
through aad across the plazas with
the speed of a racing car.
Then followed the horse-drawn ap
paratus. The wagons from the Mar
ket street station pulled' out upon the
soft asphalt on Mein plaza and the
horses tuggsd and strained every ef
fort to pull the wagons over the soft
covering fester then e welk.
Shortly efterwards the apparatus
from the Travis street station reached
Military plasa. The horses attached
to these vehicles had pulled through
the soft paving material on Houston
street and Main plaza before the Mil
itary plaza was reached. They were
puffing and almost exhausted when
the city hall waa reached, a distance
of but a few blocks. Across Military
plaza the horses plunged and strain
ed. making every effort to keep going,
the narrow wheels beneath the heavy
vehicles sinking into the soft and
sticky asphalt. When the hook and
ladder truck struck the pavement the
horses barely managed to keep in a
trot
It wgs evident to every one who
saw the vehicles go over the asphalt
that much valuable time was lost Aa
more asphalt la laid* so will the de
partment be hampered tn responding
to alarms. If fast time and good re
sults are to be obtained motor-driven
apparatus must operate in the city's
business district.
A WILL AND A WAT.
"You can figure this Idea out for
yourself," says a local attorney. “It
Is one of the bits of common sense
that now and then makes me doubt
the omniscience of the law. A client
of mine wanted me to draw up his
will. He was an old man who had
married for the second time, and he
'had grown children by his first wife.
Also, he had a big bunch of property.
And his Idea was to leave every cent
he had to his second wife.
“It won’t do at all,” I advised him.
“Your children are going to make an
awful fight to break such a will, and
they are likely to be successful.”
" That’s Just what I want to do.'
answered by foxy client. ‘I want my
children to have a full share of my
money. That’s why I bequeathed ev
erythfng to my wife. I know that
wife of mine. And It's going to be a
lot easier for my children to break
my will than It Is for me to break
hers.' ”
CURTAIN.
“I am, then, really the first woman
you ever loved?” There were tones
of deep affection in her voice.
। “I swear most solemnly that you are
the very first woman I have
spoken to of love, Mary—the only
one.”
“In that case.l win grant your re
quest to meet you In the park at 3
o’clock,” she replied softly.
He clasped his hands tn an ecstacy.
of bliss. "Heavens! What Joy!" ho
cried.
"You will surely be there, mv omv
love?” she cooed.
Eustace gazed Into her eyes. "You
can count on my being there,” he re
plied, “I never missed keeping an
appointment of that kind yet”
CALLAGHAN'S FLING.
Bryan CaJlaghan has uy<en a fling
at George W. Brackenridge by official
ly changing the name of Brackenridge
park, donated to the city of San An
tonlo by Ccflonel Brackenridge, and
deeded to the city by the Waterworks
company, practically owned and ab
solutely controlled by Colonel Brack
enridge. The euphonious apd sugges
tive name given the Brackenridge
pleasure ground by the mayor is
“Waterworks Park." Some c lass-to
that name. Isn’t there?
The mayor may change the name
of the park—or the name of Arkan
sas, if he likes —but he <an not dim
the reputation of George W. Bracken
ridge as a philanthropist. Colonel
Braokenrldge is too well established In
his reputation for a little blow like
that to injure him. —Atascosa Monitor.
FAMOUS PHOTOGRAPHS OF CIVIL WAR SCENES AND EPISODES
Camp Winfield Scott, near Worm
ley’a creek. General McClellan waa a
stickler for neatness. Hts headquar-
Tht Poet Philosopher
They’re getting up a princely purse,
and they will give It to the baft? who
writes some patriotic
NATIONAL verse—who hits his lyre,
ANTHEMS and hits it hard. The
anthems that we now
possess are clanging things of brass
or sine; they cause the singers great
distress, and drive the listeners to
drink. And hence they’re digging up
a roll to stir up some Byronic sharp,
to cause some nobly gifted soul to
knock the stuffing from his harp. And
now the poets in their dens will gird
their loins in proper style, and charge
their trusty fountain pens, and turn
out anthems by the mile. And when
the judges sit In state upon these
hand-made songs to pass, they’ll
doubtless find that none to great, and
all resemble sounding brass. A man
may write such dope as mine for
money, marbles, chalk or fun, but
when he'd rise to strains divine he
will not do it for the mon. Some day
some tiller of the sod, unlettered, toll
worn and obscure, alone with Silence,
Night and God, may write a song that
will endurs.
SAN ANTONIO DISGRACED.
The report that sanitary officers of
the maneuver division of the Regu
lar army, now stationed at Fort Sam
Houston, are eo exasperated at condi
tions tolerated by the San Antonio
authoritlee that the movement of the
troops Is contemplated will doubt
less have the desired effect. Even
Mayor Callaghan, case hardened al
though he may be, would hardly per
mit the city over whose destinies he
presides to suffer such a be
cause of his own negligence or the
culpability of the city employes.
It certainly would be a black eye
for San Antonio should the govern
ment adopt such a course as suggest
ed. To think that the city authorities
would not co-operate in every way
with the army officers to see that
sanitary conditions are maintained
about the camp when so much de
pends on It is astonishing.
While Austin would hardly be jus
tified In taking active steps to draw
the troops from her Bister city, If the
government has decided to move the
division Austin offers an ideal site.
Moreover, we feel confident that both
the city and county authorities here
would gladly aid in maintaining such
conditions about the camp as would
be satisfactory to the officers. —Aus-
tin Tribune.
THE POSTMAN’S TROUBLES.
The German postofffee has its trou
bles tracing addresses much the same
as Uncle Ram. A peasant of the name
of . Gottlieb had some business to trans
act In the town of Blankenburg. and
left his rucksack behind him In the
inn In which he stayed. He could not
remember the name of the inn, but
he knew that It had green shutters
and stood near a bridge.
So he accordingly wrote a card to
"The house with the green shutters on
the other side of the bridgo. where
Gottlieb, from Schwarzburg, left his
rucksack in Blankenburg.” \
The German authorities had some
thing of a hunt, but they found tho
house all right, and Gottlieb got his
luggage again.
A writer, who was invited one time
to a diner in Londqn. sent abetter ac
cepting the invitation.
He went on the evening, to find tu
his horror that he waa not expected,
for the letter had not arrived. Ha
protested that he had answered the
Invitation and duly posted It; but his
storx might never have been believed
if tM letter had not actually arrived
while the question was being de
bated.
The precious document had been all
the way to Egypt and back, for It waa
stamped with an Egyptian postmark
and bore the name of a hotel In
Cairo.
On complaining at the postofflee. ha
was Informed tjiat his writing so clos
ly resembled an ancient hieroglyphic
that ft was decided It must have some
reference to an Egyptian exploration
party that was at the time working
near Calm
The dinner guest now uses a type
writer
Mod.F.r,TAN'S HEADQVAR ' TERR BEFORE YORKTOWN.
ters were models of military order.
Tbs guad always woe white gloves,
even in the active campaign. Here we
see tbs general’s chargers with thsir
Up-to~DaU Nene
TMD OACXVB OMTIB BTAGX.
(Denver Republican.)
The stage from Sage Brush was four
hours overdue. ~ „ ~
And we wondered what could all it,
when we seen it coming thfaash.
It was crawlin' o'er the prairie like an
engine ehy of steam.
And we seen that It'e nigh wheeler was
from the team.
There was two scalrt women In It, and
a bunch of frightened kids;
They had croaeed the Trouble moun
tafns when the hind wheele sorter
- skids; .
The driver, old Bud Jackeon, got em
back upon the road.
But hie team had etarted runnln and
he couldn’t hold the load.
The road was straight eoms diatance.
then it curved around a, P«n‘;
Bud pullad upon tho leather till he
creaked In every joint; .
He knowed that death was certain if
they ever struck that curve.
But ho hung right to them ribbons Has
a man of iron nerve.
He seen ho couldn’t etop 'em so he pulls
He shoots V d chargin’ leader, and tho
dyin' equine eprang
And dragged hie teammate vrlth him
when no tumbled In the duet.
And tho etago wee etopl>ed the tninute
that the worka was bust.
A hero Well I guess so, but that aln t
so much, you know;
The women roasted Buddy cause tne
shootin' scalrt ’em so,
And when someone told the story and
praised Bud to hie boss.
Tho comp’ny docked the driver for the
price of that blamed boss.
(Teresa M. Hooley, in London Express.)
You baby sweet, with blue grave eyes,
And rosy rounded chin
(An angel there has been at work
And kissed a dimple in.)
You see wise things I cannot see,
Deep things of many years.
The love-lore of the world lies hid
Behind your smiles and tears.
Your ears are just two wee pink shells,
Your cheeks a pinker sea,
A warm white rock your darling necta
And all of you on my kneel
Your hair’s a magic silken web
Where sunbeams come to play.
Then get entangled with the curls.
And cannot rußaway.
What do the fairies whisper—hush!
A-flutterlng by your head?
What do the brownies say at night.
All tlp-toelng round your bed?
I want to know the wonder-things
To be seen in Nightcap Land,
Where Fairy Nod. through Slumber
Town J
. Leuds baby, hand*in hand.
LOTH MX—X.OVX MT 808.
(By Ksnnett Harris.)
I pine and 1 yearn for affection,
1 long foi a tender caress;
I wouldn’t have>gny objection
To more, 1 may frankly confess,
I know 1 would-never distress
You with any conditional clog,
I’d be glad as could be, If you d only
love nw,
And you needn't, I’m sure, love my
dog.
My life has been barren and dreary,
I’d like a communion of soul.
Of brutal endearments I’m weary.
They’re tiresome, I think, on the
whole.
Dear Fldo will fawn and cajole.
But my mind's lately taken a jog.
We can be hand in glove, even closer
in love. _ ,
But yoji needn't,. I’m sure, love my
dog. , '
But Fido's a beautiful creature,
So cunning and sweet in his ways,
So faltlitu), and that Is a feature
That’s worthy the highest praise.
You differ’ To use a slang phrase,
Your whsel must he slipping a cog.
You must be a big crank, to be perfect
ly frank,'. . _
Not to love my dear, sweet little dog.
BBVISBD.
The old. oaken bucket,
Tho iron-bound bucket,
Ths moss-covered bucket.
Don't hang in the well,
The doctors discussed it.
Health officers cussed it,
And threw the germ-crusted
Old bucket to—well —
At any rate, the old songs dead;
We use a sanitary cup i nBt **P'
—Shreveport (La.) limes.
Sister talks about the sea;
Sho knows some seaside towns
Where nothing but the air is free
And one needs forty gowns.
Mother talks about the hills.
And dear, delightful days.
When bridge is alwaxg yn the tills
And everybody plays.
l ather sits nround and winks;
"Its quite apparent that
The silent partner rather thinks
We’ll summer in the flat
—Louisville Courier-Journal
A WOLD.
VAMOVB FLANS.
JUNE 5, 1911.
grooms, the waiting orderlies and the
sentr/ standing rtiftl? at support
of asms. At the last Is* the guard
house with stacked.muskets.
•« 4 ,
As Others It
Likewise the Harem Skirt.
Rouge, the hobble skirt and the
Duchess of Marlborough, who lives
apart from her husband, are all bar
red from the coronation. We trem
ble for the hookworm. —Pittsburg
Run. . ’ ’
Real Unkind to Texas.
Two hundred and fifty million mem
bers of the human race wear na
clothes at all, besides two or three
million Texans whom'clothes don’t be
come.—Columbia State.
Or Pay Off the Bonds.
Mr. Morse might turn himself loose
Inside the Atlanta penitentiary an<X
put on a dividend-paying basis.—«
Washington Post.
Never DIO 13 Before.
Annapolis to now preparing to
demonstrate that it can give a ball
witffour starting a social controversy,
—Washington Star.
Look in the Outlook.
When did you last see Qyster Bay 14
a date line? —Syracuse Post-Standard.
How About It, Mr. Post?
The trusting nature of those whd
framed the reciprocity bUi la shown
In the fact that “prepared cereals” are
put In the some paragraph with foods,
rather than In the paragraph covering
lumber products.—Louisville Courier-
Journal*
Take Notice, Judd Mortimer.
The mere fact that so many poem*
are bslng sent from penitentiaries
does not mean that all the poets are in
jail. Some have never been Indicted.
—Charleston News and Courier.
But Roosevelt Won’t.
Another Roosevelt.policy shattered.
Dr. Grant claims that Ananias died of
heart failure.—Milwaukee e entlnel.
Colquitt Is Methodist.
The good old Presbyterian church
Is no place for religious Insurgents.—
Indianapolis Star.
Holes in a Step-Ladder.
If the steel trust makes rails for
Australia at $24 a ton, and for the
United States at $2B a ton, which of
the two nations is the beneficiary of
the American tariff? — Collier's
Weekly.
Harlnn Is an Insurgent.
Probably Justice Harlan and his
eight associates of the supreme court
will continue on speaking terms, de
spite his denunciation of what they
deem “unreasonable ’ as reasonable.
—Boston Transcript.
Germany Is for Peace.
The American battleship Delaware
will be the largest ship in line at the
cdYnnation naval review. Thera Is
nothing like impressing our English
cousins with what it would mean to
them to have a peace pact with us.—
Ryracuse Herald.
Nor the Texas People. .
Senator Bailey of Texas, who now
says he was deceived by Senator Lori
mer, did not ihcceed tn misleading
anyone else.—Louisville Courier-Jour
nal.
Still, There Is Hope.
The prospects for rain resembls
those of Senator Lomlrer's resignation.
That Is, they are not so good as the
people wish they were.—New York
World.
HE KNEW THEM.
A drled-up old colonel and a very
sentimental young lady were together
watching the sun set.
She Inquired gushingly. "Oh. colonel,
6on't you love Longfellow's poems?'*
"Can't sny I do," he replied. "Never
read them. In fact. Consider all poetry
absolutely drivel.”
"But," she persisted, "surety you
cannot help admiring this verse of his
out of •
’The Day Is Done,' you know:
‘And the night shall be filled with
music.
And the cares which infest the day
Shall fold thelKtents like the Arabs,
And as silently steal away.' ”
“By Jove!” he exclaimed, "there 1?
something in that. I know those Arab
beggars—they would simply steal any
thing" x