San Antonio light. [volume], June 21, 1911, CITY EDITION, Page 6, Image 6

About San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993

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6
WEDNESDAY,
THE SAN ANTONIO LIGHT
r»u4*d January 90. INI.
Compnalnf
TU BAN ANTONIO LIGHT,
m BAN ANTONIO GAZSTTK.
B«m»>< Dally. Muuday Mornlac-
Maailwra A»»oei*l»4 Press-
IUA LlUlii FLULasUIhU CO.. Publishers.
CHAIiEEd H. DILHL.
MAKKIdUN L BkIACH.
TKLZrUONA UALLA.
■■Urn- oHioa aud cireuUuoe ospsrlmsol,
**Edu»riiU*d«pa«Uuaal. bulk ph'>uw !»**■
TAMMS ON NUUaCKU'IION.
Dally aad Sunday, carrier, 1 ■»»lh... • • -*®
Daily and SunOS), carrier, 1 year.... o-«v
Daily aad aacdey, mail, 1 ■aaUl.... » u
daily and bunday, mail. 1 year (in
adenine)
Bunday, earner, 1 year *
auuday. nail. 1 year.,... *"
eiagle copy, daily or Bunday UJ
mitred at Hie puawilice el an* Auiouiu,
leans, an ecoond eiaaa waller.
The d. U. Beckwith bpe«ai A(eacy, repre
eaaianveh bee lura, Inbuue building, ta
sago, tribune building.
JU BL Usual ut-lu>
11 la Important wnen desiring tbe sddreas
el your paper eusuged lo gnu vota uld and
new addxueiea bnuui4 ucincry be ineguiar,
pic are uullly ibe ullice. CiUici ic.epuuue I*o
lue bau Auluuiu Cigbl la uu aaie al tiuloia
Siu newa a *laada uirnuguuui me Lui tee
Vision
CUUULATIOM BTATEMEMT.
The circulation ot THE SAN ANTO-
Mu EIGHT dunnu tbe inoutii ol May,
IPIE “A xollowa:
Uny May
1 17.664 “ h’”f
a 17.154 17
» ».««» i« k’iA:
* 11,334
6 imoo no
4 13,124 21 }!*??s
7 1b,600 22 lp®f»
b 19.630 23
» 31.044 24 I?'®®
10 21,563 26 M.gJ
11 16.673 J’>”®
12 13,660 24
13 13.731
14 13,600 29 }’>»’!
«••»» 3 g “ :;;:::::::i»:»o
Total for month
Average dally circulation Ib.dn
Exchange, free copies, returne
and all tfffsold copies daily....
Net paid daily circulation ...... 1".&• 3
1. Harvey L. Steele, circulation ma"*
ger of Tne San Antonio Light, hereo)
certify and swear that the above totals
at circulation have been verified b>me
and are correct HARVEY L. STEELE.
Sworn to before me. John J. »•!».
notary public for San Antonio. June .
1911. JOHN J. VBAHL.
(Seal) Notary Public. Bexar Co., rex.
LARGEST CIRCULATION OF
ANY PAPER IN SAN ANTONIO
WEDNESDAY, June 21, 1911.
OUR CITY HOSPITAL
On the afternon of Wednesday,
June 14, Dr. J. N. McCormack,
of the American Medical associa
tion, visited the San Antonio city
hospital and that same evening
made this statement regarding it
in a lecture delivered by him in
the Travis Park Methodist
church:
"The city hospital is the most anti
quated place for the care of the sick that
I have ever seen. I went through every
ward, and I found patients afflicted with
all sorts of diseases thrown together In
the same rooms—typhoid fever, erysipe
las, confinement, malaria and numerous
others. I suggest that you take your
mayor and your health officer out to
this charnel of pests and show them
these things. Possibly they* want to
know, and surely they should aid In bet
tering the almost unheard of condi
tions "
An expression of opinion is val
uable or useless, according to the
source from which it comes. Now
who is this man who declares that
the local hospital is the most an
tiquated thing he has ever seen
and who pronounces the condi
tions there to be “almost unheard
of?”
He is an experienced, able phy
sician whose home is in Bowling
Green, Ky., and he is 63 years of
age. He is a graduate of the med
ical department of the University
of Louisville; since 1883 secretary
of the state board of health; has
been president of the Kentucky
State Medical society; member of
the international quarantine com
mission; has been a member of
numerous national organizations
and examining boards, and is to
day chairman of the committee on
organization of the American
Medical association, the greatest
organized body of physicians in
America, which works energeti
cally and without remuneration
for the advancement of medical
science and for the enlightenment
of the public in matters of hygiene
and sanitary science.
Because of his pre-eminent
qualifications he was selected by
the American Medical association
is one of its lecturers. He trav
els all over the United States and
he sees hospitals in every city.
And he declares that tbe local
hospital is the most antiquated
that he has ever seen in all his
travels.
• Dr. Burg, the loCal physician
in charge of the hospital, declared
that Dr. McCormack was misin
formed regarding some of the al
legations he had made, but ad
mitted that there was foundation
for others. He further declared
•that the hospital authorities are
doing the best they can with the
means at their disposal. There is
no doubt that in this statement he
*s correct. It is therefore the duty
of San Antonio to see that more
effective means of conducting the
hospital are placed at the disposal
of the authorities. To have one
of the highest officials of the
American Medical association de
clare our hospital the most anti
quated institution of its kind he
has ever seen is something that
stings.
LONELY MAN
It’s true. An earnest, devoted
woman, writing in a popular pe
riodical, says that the average
American man is really neglected
during the summer months when
the feminine members of the
household hie away to seashore
and summer resort, leaving the'
husband and the father to strug
gle along at home as best he may.
She corroborates the rumor that
he does get lonesome ami can
hear the flies walking on the ceil
ing. Also, she lays stress upon
the undeniable fact that sometime
he may drop from sudden weak
ness in the great, gloomy house
and be unable to crawl to the tel
ephone to order what the coarse
cartoonist would describe as “a
hair of the dog that bit him.”
In fact, it is the cartoonist who
is to blame for the whole hideous
misconception. Under the light
of this woman’s revelations we
know now that the picture of hub
by hastening to the poker game
after the pathetic parting at the
train is the fabrication of a dis
eased sense of humor. We know’
at last that that tender break in
the voice and the prediction of
sleepless nights thinking of loved
ones temporarily departed are not
the artful tricks of a conscience
less savage, but the undeniable
evidence of an honest heart
touched almost to the point of
breaking. If the head of the fam
ily, through the long, dark hours,
is not
"Stnring nt the wall.
Where the dying night lamp flickers
and the shadows rise and fall."
it is because the electric light does
not act that way and not because
the hardened heart of a cave
dweller exists in the modern mas
culine bosom.
Thus, one by one, the unfeeling
fictions of the decadent humorist
vanish in the cold light of scien
tific research, and it is to a gentle
and discriminating woman that
man owes his rescue frotp vitu
perative insult and delmerate mis
representation.
PEEVISH MR PATTON
James A. Patton of Chicago,
who has made himself a multi
millionaire by the manipulation
of several “corners” in wheat,
oats, cotton and other staples, has
gone to Europe. ' Before he de
parted, Mr. Patton delivered him
self of this peevish speech:
“It seems to me that this coun
try wants to prosecute every man
who has 25 cents in his pockets.”
The trouble with Mr. Patton
and other gentlemen like him is
that he and they are unable to
differentiate between a prosecu
tion and an investigation con
ducted with the idea of ascertain
ing whether the 25 cents in the
pocket belongs rightly to the gen
tleman holding it at that particu
lar moment or whether it is the
lawful property of some other
man.
There have been so many men
in this country who have cared
more about making money than
about the manner in which the
money was made that the public
feels that it has the right to know
something about the matter. So
much evidence has been brought
out at various times, showing de
liberate dishonesty on the part of
some men controlling large cor
porations, so much testimony has
been heard proving that large
sums of money have been illegal
ly taken from the people that the
people have come to believe that
they have the right to be informed
about the manner in which these
great aggregations of capital arc
handled. If it is shown that any
of them have been robbing the
people, the people intend tn make
them restore the plunder. That is
all there is to it.
There is no danger that the
country has turned or is turning
anarchistic. If Mr. Patton has no
ill-gotten quarters in his pockets
there is no reason why he should
be greatly disturbed.
An eastern railway company has
adopted the vacuum cleaner for pas
sengers’ clothing, thus facilitating the
porter's efforts In collecting the dust."
San Antonio's mean temperature Is
about 85 until the ninth Inning, with
one run needed. Thon it goes up to
210 in the shade.
—
In these days of world hand-clasps
would we call the Chinese laundryman
our "bosom” friend?
The president of Panama has pro-
hibited poker playing In that repub
lic. We greatly fear thia will exer
cise a deterrent effect on socially-In
clined Texans who Intended to winter
there.
This thing of reading "Coolest Plans
in Town," and then seeing Qia box of
fice girl vigorously wielding a palm
leaf, has a distinct tendency to create
skepticism.
Anyway, the Georgia farmer who
3h teaching a monkey how to pick cot
ton bus given us a valuable object les
son In * hat can really be taught to
the Harry Lohrs of the east.
TAITS CAUBTIO ATTACK,
A CJarificd bpcech.
"The country owns a dsbt of grati
tude to President Tuft for his 'smok
ing out' speech. It la bettar to oall a
spade a spade than to call it a prun
ing hook, or a plough, or a mowing
machine. The Chicago speech clari
fies things. Anomalously, 'smoking
out' always has the effect of clarifica
tion. The figures of rhetoric are nev
er wholly consistent" — Brooklyn
Eagle.
Him Tom Off the Muk.
“Mr. Taft deserves high praise for
the boldness and frankness with
which ho has met this Issue. If reci
procity Is finally defeated or If the
bill Is made Ineffective by amend
ments. the country will at least know
the real reasons, for he has torn off
the masks." —New York World.
Plain Case Plainly Stated.
"A plain statement of a plain case
that makes an Irrefutable argument is
evidence of high capacity. Mr. Taft
performed the feat at Chicago. Un
der reciprocity with Cuba with a recip
rocal reduction of duties by 20 per
cent our trade has doubled; under
complete Puerto Rican rec'proclty our
trade has multiplied fifteen times; un
der reciprocity with the Philippines
our trade has doubled In one year.”—
Philadelphia Ledger.
Abundantly Clear.
"It must be abundantly clear now
to every one that the opposition to the
reciprocity agreement Is Inspired
chiefly by the great trusts. Some of
them have no Immediate concern in
the Canadian reciprocity agreement,
but It awakens an anxiety in them, for
they feel that this legislation will
prove to be only the entering wedge.”
—Galveston News.
Up to the ITogrcsslvcs.
“Those 'progressive' senators who
are in a quandry about thp reciprocity
treaty must fish or cut bait pretty
soon. The fate of the pact seems to
be practically in the bands of La Fol
lette. Cummins, Bourne. Clapp A Co.,
and the country is watching them
curiously."—Milwaukee Sentinel.
All for a Few Egg*.
"The treaty negotiated Mr.
is. therefore, pn anti- lopoly meas
ure and of prime advantage to the
farmer. And yet because hen eggs
and a few agricultural products In the
production of which Canada cannot
compete with .the United States have
been put on the free 11st the farming
people have been appealed to to op
pose the treaty.”—Baltimore News.
flaying With the Bill.
"The high tariff barons of the sen
ate are still undecided whether they
will agree to reduce the cost of liv
ing to the common people. They are
playing with the reciprocity bill much
os a cat plays with a captive mouse.”
—Savannah News.
IS IT “CHEAP POLITICS?”
From the Beaumont Journal.
San Antonio Is still having trouble
with its city council. On June 5 the
council met and the annual budget
was submitted. The council is divid
ed into two parties—the Citizens’ and
the People’s—each party having six
members. The Citizens' party aider
men, who are the new members of
the council, asked for one week to
look over the budget. The budget was
brought up last Monday. The six mem
bers of the Citizens’ party voted
against the budget and six People's
party aidermen voted for the budget,
the budget failing of a two-thirds
vote.
Now. the six aidermen ot the Citi
zens’ party after voting down the
budget of the People's party, offered
a budget for two months. Among oth
er things the new budget cuts out
some heads of departments in the
city's service. Mayor Callaghan, who
is arrayed wjth the People's party,
asked for a week to look over the
new budget. The mayor incidentally
made a sizzling talk In which he ac
cused the Citizens’ party aldermen of
playing, “cheap politics.”
Meantime San Antonio is complain
ing of dusty streets. There is no
disposition shown on the part of San
Antonio's council to abate the dust evil
and the Chamber of Commerce of that
city has raised a popular subscription
to pay for oil to lay the dust on the
streets to the manuever camp.
At least San Antonio can have a
live Chamber of Commerce if It does
have deadlock city councils.
WHY HE QUIT.
In connection with the inland water
ways proj* * t, Representative J. Hamp
ton Moore has been down south sev
eral times. So on his last visit, a few
weeks ago. be encountered an old ne
gro who had been a good guide once
when Mr. Moore went sightseeing. The
negro was a local preacher, but he was
no longi r working at It.
"What W.i the trouble., uncle?" the
Philadelphia congressman asked.
"Waal Ah had some trouble wlf de
congri pa shun. Dey brought sins ob
icomm'ssion agin de old man dat I
couldn’t bar, an’ 1 jes' had to quit. Dey
I accused me of steal!"’ a ' am —"
“But they couldn't prove that —a
thing that wasn't : o. "
I “No. sub; no suh. I guess you Is
fright, soli They couldn't a-proved It
if de old man hadn't a’mitted it.”
"Well, why did you do that If it
wasn’t true?"
"Waal, sub, kinder guess Ah had
to. My conscience wouldn’t let me
ewade de truf, an’ when dey found d<
ham undaah de kitchen table I Jef
couldn't keep still.”
THE SAN ANTONIO LIGHT
Chop* and Chile Gravy
(By tha Grill Girl.)
"Now, wouldn't that curdla your
oho«Mr’
Tha Grill Girl laanad over' the lunch
counter, She was mad and-the words
Ware Ilka th« click of a ateel trap. I
made inquiry:
"It'a thoae two cllquoa composing
tha couadU' she said. "Thsy glvs
"J* • malady much Uks mal de mar
For belligerent bull-hsedednees, you
can't baa< 'sm."
Tha Grill Girl called an order of
"Fry two—draw one." frowned at a
du dish ohap ogling her, and resumed;
"The poll taxee of the people put
thoae politlciahs 1n public posi
tion, and then tbe politicians
plant a plexus on ths per
sons of the populace. In that tit
for tat, kill my dog I'll kill your cat
tame at city hall thsre'a lota of fun
for everybody except for Mr. Common
Peopla Aad yet he ought to bo used
to eomobody stomping on his nock —
it's done so often."
I admitted tbe situation at citv hall
was somewhat unusual.
"Unusual ain't a name for it," aald
the Grill Girl, with heightened color.
"Six on each side solemnly and sacred
ly swore not to ewerve nor'sidestep.
Thsy hsid up thrtr hands and hollered
themeolves hoarse how they hankered
to help aad not to hog wholly the
helm of progress. What do we find F'
"Tee, what?" I asked.
"Why don't you wake up?” sho da.
manded, wrathfully. "Everybody in
town Is slasllng. but you sauntsr on,
Sucking a sloppy cigar and seeing
nothin*. Hay, old chap, chtrk up a
bit,"
■ Thereupon, tbe Grill Girl ruminated
a bit as If considering carefully
whether or not my limited Intelligence
could grasp all the complexities of
the situation. Then she continued:
"There’a got to be something dona
I ain’t aooring the stand-pat six so
much as the manana mayor’s myrmi
dons. They’ll straddle a stump when
he says so, because they’re abjectly
afraid of him. The stand-pat aix
stand up and shout, anyway."
“Correct.” said I.
“Yes. correct" she repeated. "But
when it gets to the point where we’ll
be minus the money to make any
move, the citlsens will be the boys to
bellow and then you’ll see the bunch
breaking their backs bending over
that budget."
"I think you're right." said I.
"Don’t you think I know it?” she
demanded, irascibly. "Of course I m
right. I’m always right. Bo there!"
ENGLAND KNOWS THE REFEREE.
The football ground was packed,
says Answers, London. It was the last
match of the season, and the rivalry
between the opposing teams was os
keen as Sheffield steel. A hansom
drove up to the entrance, and a gen
tleman alighted. He eeemed 111 at
ease, as though some heavy weight op
pnssed him, and his face twitched
nervously as he handed the cabby his
strictly legal fare.
"Wot’s this, guv’nor?” demanded
the cabby.
“Your fare, my man,” replied the
gentleman.
For a moment the cabby regarded
the ooln. Then he pocketed It, with
a sour smile.
”Rtght-o, guv’nor!" he said. "All’s
fair In love an’ war, even If It 1b only
a bob. I knows you’re the referee, and
to show you there’s no ill feelin’. I'll
wait around and see the fun. and
drive you to the Infirmary afterwards
f»r nothink!”
Annie Was Missing.
The Old Lawyer was In a reminis
cent vein, says the Baltimore Sun.
"About the funniest thing that ever
happened In the courthouse was an
address to a Jury made In the crim
inal court some years ago by a law
yer whose knowledge of Latin was
slightly abbreviated.
"The state’s attorney, In his open
ing argument, had dwelt long and
fiercely on the animus fuerndl that he
asserted had been proved by the prose
cution. The learned attorney for the
defense discussed the point with some
heat In his speech.
" ’Gentlemen of the Jury," he
shouted, ’the state has told you about
animus furendi!' They had no right to
use her name in the argument. Where,
oh, where does the record disclose the
name of any such person? Why didn't
the state produce her and let her tes
tify?’
" ‘That's right,’ whispered one of the
deputy sheriffs, as ho glanced over the
list of witnesses, 'nobody by the name
of Annie Furendi has been Bummonad
in this case.' ’’
Our Gentle Custom..
"It seems horrible,” chattered the
foreigner whom we were entertaining
for a night and a day,” says the Cleve
land Plain Dealer. "It seems horrible!
In my country there are rioters, there
are nihilists, there are cossacks. But
in your country they lynch people,
they torture, they burn, they ”
"Wait a minute," w e cautioned.
"You have been reading the papers.
These lynchings may take place in the
rural districts, but here In the cities
we don't even dream of such things.
What do you mean? What have you
seen?”
"Smooth It over as yoh will." he
cried, "but I have seen It with my own
eyes. There were two victims—a man
and a woman. They came out of a
groat house, and then a mob set upon
them. Gods' It was terrible, terrible!
They ran for shelter, but a shower of
missiles followed them. The women
was struck by a boot—the man was
nearly killed by a horseshoe. The mob
shrieked and yelled the poor victims
could only run for shelter. And the
very carriage in which they fled was
decorated with Insults and signs and
, gends. They escaped but nt an aw-
Jnl cost, bleeding and mangled and
disgraced!”
"That w wn't a lynching,” we as
sured the foreign critic, "that was
merely n wedding party—a bride and
groom getting away on their honey
moon.”
FAMOUS PHOTOGRAPHS OF CIVIL WAR SCENES AND EPISODES |
General George Stoneman (center
figure) and staff near Fair Oaks. Vo..
June 1862.
Just before the oiKbreak of the
civil war General Stoneman was in
command at Fort Brown. Texas, and
he wae* ordered by General Twiggs,
his superior officer, to surrender to
the confederacy, but he refused to do
M ami escaped with his troops bv
steamer to New York. He was soon
appointed chief of cavalry In the army
Up-to-Date Verse
SVBKYONB'S AWAT.
■y Yercy Shaw.
According to the papers
Ever)one's away;
Yet the crowds seem just as big
All along Broadway;
People ride the avenue,
Staring night and day;
But of course they’re no one, for
Everyone’s away.
When you rouse your courage to
Enter the subway
You can hardly be convinced
Everyone’s away;
When the garlic-eater breathes.
While you cling and eway.
Woe to him wno tells you that
Everyone’s away.
Strange the cars are crowded, too;
Strange the roofs are full;
Strange the stoops are thick with folks
Trying to keep cool.
Strange the Coney boats are packed.
Ferries jammed all day.
How do you explain it when w
Everyone’s away?
Maybe it’s the point of view
As to who is what
When you go you’re everyone.
When you stay you’re not.
All the same It's comfort for
You and me to say
"Things run just as smoothly with
Everyone away.”
THE HAVOC.
"What's all that whackin going on.
said cricket-’neath-the-bed. n
"The big guns of world-wide war, the
wise old spider said.
"Who’s that let out that awful shriek,
said cricket-’neath-the-bed. n
"A fly that didn't dodge quits right, the
wise old spider said,
"For they're warrln' in the daytime, ana
they're warrln' in the night,
They’ve tinkered up the scr ®°" £“o™
till the things are near airtight,
They've armed themselves with
and with shingles for ft smite,
And they're swattln’ of Hlb Flyshlp In
the momln'.”
“Why don’t they whack something their
size?” said cricket-’neath-the-bed.
"I’ll read you Doctor Wiley's dope, the
wise old spider said.
"Why don’t they let the baldheads fight?
said crlcket-'neath-the-bed. _
"This ain't no war of class or creed, tne
wise old spider said;
"But all hands is at the cannon, and
they're shootin' left and right.
The files that aren't crippled had bet
ter take to flight, .
For the race so long *
worm that b turned, all right.
And it's swattln’ of His Hyshlp In the
tnornin . —D enV er Republican.
SLEEPIM' out.
Once let a feller git In tune
With all outdoors, there hain t no use
Fer him to think he kin ferglt.
Or from the wild's big ways Jar loose.
He's always thlnkln' ’bout ‘hem
Jes' listen now. an hear him sign,
A-dreamin' of the old tarp bed.
An' sleepin' out b neath the sky.
There hain't no bunk in any
Tlmt to the warm earth kin comparei
She's sort o' kind an' com fortln,
An’ gives you strength as you lie
And the “ r be«W«». you morn
Tile clean, sweet air; an In the morn
There hain't a doubt or fear but what
Your rested soul jes laughs to scorn.
Go lake your little, stuffy room*
Your four walls that corral >ou in.
Pull down the curtain—then git up.
Chuckfull o' meanness, an Begin
The <Uiy with grouch »•> « ru "j.* n groan
Be eivillßed an' right In »‘y}® .
While them who rest b neath the stars
Rise with a whoop, an smite an
—Robert V. Carr in the Twica-a-month
Popular Magazine.
MUCH ADO ABOUT WOTHIXG.
If a body find a body
Digging in the Wye.
Who'll identify the body
When its high and dry?
For if Bacon killed poor William
Kindly tell us why
He should trouble to Inter mm
Underneath tho Wyo.
Next some scholwr will inform us
By the river Wye
That old Falstaff slaughtered Hamlet
For lago's lie.
All the world Is mad, my masters,
Fame Is worth a try,
Though a cipher conies to zero
Underneath the Wye.
New York Evening Hua
A FAMOUS CAVALRY LEADER.
of tha Potomac. After the evacuation
of Yorktown, In Mey. 1862. he fol
lowed the retreating confederates and
brought on the battle of Williamsburg,
which was followed by the fight at
Fair Oaka During Hooker’s cam
paign he led a cavalry raid toward
Richmond. In 1864 he was captured
at Clinton. Ge., and held prisoner for
three montha In December. 1864,
Stoneman led a raid from East Tennes
see Into Southwestern Virginia, de-
Observant Citizen
He had just purchased a brand
new straw hat, and that very same
night went to call on a certain young
lady of his acquaintance. Ostensibly
he went to see the girl, but In reality
he wanted his feminine friend to see
how the new headgear - became his
peculiar style of beauty.
As he sauntered through the gate
she was seated on the front gallery,
which gave him the opportunity ot
lifting his hat with a graceful flour
ish and then to replace it at a rakish
angle. Seating himself in the chair
furthest from the girl, he nonchalantly
tossed his hat in the chair between
as if it were a season Instead of not
quite a day in age. The two con
versed for a while and as tha modh
was casting down his magic spell their
speech became soft and low and of
an Intimate nature.
At length the maid went in the
house to prepare some ice water. After
her visitor had slaked his thirst she
placed the pitcher on the porch and
also placed herself in the chair near
est him so that their interrupted
communion might be continued to
better advantage. Both had forgot
ten the new straw hat, but as her
weight came upon it It spoke for It
self. There was a sound of crackling
straw and the girl jumped up with a
startled exclamation—only to find
what had once been a perfectly good
hat now resembled a pancake to a
remarkable degree.
This pathetic tale explains why the
gallant, beau Is now wearing bis last
year’s felt hat; also why he seems to
have lost faith and interest in fair
femininity.
RIBKY.
Two Impecunious Scotsmen once
came upon a wayside inn. They had
only "sixpence” between them, bo thev
ordered one “nip o’ whisky.”
They were hesitating who should
have the first drink, when an ac
quaintance joined them.
Pretending that they had just drank,
one of them handed the newcomer the
whisky, requesting him to join them
in a drink. He did so, and after a few
minutes of painful suspense, said:
"Now, boys, you'll have one with
me?"
"Wasna’ that weel managed, mon?”
said one to his companion afterward.
"Ay,” said the other, “but dreadful
riskv.”
A DANGEROUS CASE.
Dr. W. W. Keen, the noted Philadel
phia surgeon, at a dinner, praised the
results of animal research.
"Animal research,” he said, "has
given us serum therapy and countlesa
other blessings. Drugs, in the heal
ing art, arc retiring further and furth
er' into the background.
"And this is just as well, too, for
whst the old German practitioner once
snfd of himself used to be true ot
many a doctor.
“ ‘Tell me. str. what was the most
dangerous case you ever had?' a young
physician asked this aged man.
" ‘My medicine case.’ was the
prompt reply."
A Gentleman of leisure.
Rudolph Forster, who Is assistant sec
retary to the president of the United
States. Is also a man of humor. Not
long ago a friend ot his dropped into
the executive offices, at the whit®
house, and remarked:
"Rudolph, I understand the pressure
of work up here is so great that your
fellows get very'llttle recreation."
“That's a mistake,” replied Forster.
"I have, out of the hours,
four hours In which I can do any
thing I choose. , I can even sleep that
length of time.” —The Twlce-a-month
Popular.
JUNE ai, 191 T.
stroyed a part of ths Virginia and East
Tsnn esses railroad aad did much other
damage. In ths following month he
moved Into North Carolina, captured
Charlotte and other towns and at Sal
isbury took 1600 prlaonera In 1871
General Stoneman retired from the
army aad settled In California, serving
for six years as a railroad commis
sioner. In 1888 he w«s elected demo
cratic governor of the state. He died
in 1894.
The Pott Philoacphtr
Copyrlgnt, 1910, by Geo. Matthew Adams
I read about the warlike guy who
smiling goes to battle; and naught can
still his joyous cry’’ and
HEROES nothing him can rattle.
But nobler than the man
who wins renown with battle axqe.
is he who springs some sunny grins
while coughing up hie taxes. The cap
tain who. In time of wdbek, free
from fear’s emotion, who calmly walks
his sinking deck, alone upon the
ocean, deserves a wreath upon his tile;
he's surely smooth as wax is; but O
the man who wears a smile while
coughing up his taxes! I've seen a
brave policeman walk where vicious
knaves were lying, and bullets barely
missed his block, and bricks and
knives were flylnc; I've seen the wild
beast tamer fool with savage bears
and yakses; but O the man who’s calm
and cool when coughing up his taxes!
Let oak leaves on hla brow be laid, let
nothing be denied him! All other'he
roes wilt and fade when they are
brought beside him! No greater shall
be found while earth revolves upon
Its axis—thia lofty bou! of* sterling
worth, who smiles when paying taxes!
ct*oe>o
REPARTEE.
Booth Tarkington wu talking In In
dianapolls about the stage.
“There were two actresses in an
early play of mine.” he said, "both
very beautiful; but the leading actress
was thin. She quarreled one day at
rehearsal with the other lady, and ahe
ended the quarrel by saying, haught
ily:
" 'Remember, please, that I am tha
star.'
" ‘Yes, I know you’ga the star,’ tha
other retorted, eyeing with an amueed
smile the leading actress' long, slim
form, 'but you'd look better, my dear.
If you were a little meteor.’"
Knew It Was Heaven.
The druggist approached the celes
tial gate, says the Louisville Post. St.
Peter opened the portal for him and
bade him enter and join the heavenly
choir.
"Not so fast,” the compounder of
pills admonished. "Before I. go In
there I want to ask a few questions.
Have you any city directories in Para
dise?”
"No,” replied St. Peter.
“Any remedies for growing hair on .
bald heads and door knobs?”
"None.”
“Any soda fountains?”
"We don't know what they are.”
"Do you sell stamps?”
“We don’t use them here.”
“And last, but not least, have yon
any telephones?”
“We have not” -- *
"Then I'll go In, for I guess this la
heaven, all right, all right."
Tiie Adept.
A man and a woman were In a dis
pute as to which could tell the bigger
lie. The woman was given the right ot
way for her effort, says the Indlanap
oils News. “I was walking across the
Atlantic Ocean,” she said, "and met a
man no talelr than that (she held one
hand two feet from the floor to indb
cate his height), who was 300 yeari
old.”
The man whistled. It was a big one
ail right. “Did the dwarf have a wood
en leg?” the man asked.
The woman replied that he did.
"Was he blind in one eye?” was th
next question.
“He was," replied the woman.
"Then,” replied the man, "ho wa
my son."