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THE PRESS CLUB JINKS WAS A DECIDED SUCCESS An Evening of Song, Short Speeches and Clever Papers Inaugurates the Yule- Tide of Bohemia. A Hit Made by the Newspaper Club Before Many Assembled Guests. MUSIC AND WIT ARE MINGLED Sire Melvin Captures the Crowd With His Humor andjudga Hunt Reads a Paper on Politics. No jinks or other club entertainment ever presented to its friends by the Press Club succeeded in making a better hit than the Yuletide jinks at the clubrooms last night The attendance of representative people was large, including artists, musicians, men of affairs, members of the learned professions and distinguished visitors, such as General Forsyth and Editor Tay lor of Boston. The cozy, softly-tinted rooms were neatly decorated and by 10 o'clock the programme was well started. The strik ing features were musical and literary, the great hits of the evening being made by the sire, Harry Melvin, by musical celeb rities and bright newspaper men, judges and others who participated, in the exer cises. The Christmas tree, presided over by Judge Low, made a big hit, for many unique little presents were made, accom- i panied by appropriate legends on tags. President Coe demeaned himself with rare dignity, smiling when the various members made a hit. Fred Myrtle was a very active spirit dur ing the evening, singing, managing and doing all in his power to make things go off with a hurrah. The programme opened with a snappy musical sKit called "The Assassination of Dull Care." Messrs. Shaughan, Myrtle, Henley, Coffin. Ward, Melvin, Tucker and Tilton, dressed as monks with gowns and cowls, sang songs, did dialogues and put Dull Care, an old graybeard, to death. Myrtle represented Bacchus and made a strike with his song, entitled "By the Light of My Red Nose." Quic&ly following this, Sire Melvin brought down the house with his droll wit in introductory remarks. "I have gone to great expense," he said, "to get a responsible commercial agency to look up the standing of all who are to participate to-night [laughter], and you shall hear of each one's standing before you hear him." The sire then read the ratings and humorous biographies of many, and tue rating of some was strange- Jy marked "Nit," while others were placed cabalistically, "N. G." Sire Meloni's address was partly poet ical, somewhat historical and reminiscent. The humorous passages brought down the house. The Christmas-tree was laden with odd presents that inaue great hits, particularly by reason of the ciever wording of some of the iaoels. One of the best was written by Le Roy Levings, accompanying a "straight flush" given to Paul Cowles. It ran as follows: Here. Paul, Is what for years your heart Has longed for moat of all, And lacking it you've had to part With shekels large and sma 1. Tbat Vime is put; now comes a bliss. To make men pause and ponder, And bend reluctant knee to tbis Mob: beautiful "(juzonda." Judge Hunt was presented with a very heavy fisning-rod. The Judge is fond of .elling angling stories, wherefore the fol owing card with the li3hing-pole: Scene in the Rooms of the Press Club When the Yuletide Jinks Had " Caught On/ With this nine-onnce rod, and line and book. We trust you'll wblr) your favorite brook; This may look heavy for the trout you'll take, But it fits yonr flsh stones, np to date. Fletcher Tilton, the club's great profes sional musician, is said to use the tele phone a great veal, for which reason he was presented with a miniature telephone, with the following poetic explanation: For some time past your friends have seen the bother 1 hey gave yon when they used the 'phone. The club hag, therefore, got another, And this, my boy, is all your own. Dr. Marc Levingston drew from the tree i a check for $25,000 with the following I verse : No more with fevered brow and lips a-pallng You'll have to work with lancet, leech and pill; You're wealthy, now, do need to tend the ailing, For here Is your fee, sir, from the pencil will. Sire Harry Melvin was given a small launch to enable him to get to Oakland, "by reason of the calamity of frequently missing the last boat."* One of the marked papers of the evening was by Judge Hunt, being an essay on the. Australian ballot, supposed to have been written by a little boy. It. is as fol ! lows, being full of local hits. The paper was loudly applauded : Teacher told me I must write a composition on the Australian ballot. Now, I knew nothing about the Australian ballot or how it, worked or how it looked, bo I thought I would ask pa. My pa works in the new City Hail, on a bench. I thought he ought to know some thing about the Australian ballot, because he ran ior Judge in the last election and nearly got left. A physician named Dr. Phillip Crim mins told him if he hadn't beeu so thin he would never have squeezed through. He also said tnat the men elected on the ticket must have been very good men, because none of them were below pa. When I asked pa what he thought of the Australian ballot he said he thought it was — and then he stopped and told me to go and see the professor. So I went and saw Professor Martin Kelly. I asked Mr. Kelly if be liked the Australian ballot. He told me he did; he said it paid him better than his junksbop or his libel suit against the Examiner. I didn't know what he meant by this, co 1 asked him how many times the ballot had been tried in California. He said it bad been tried three times in Sausalito. I asked him when was the last time It was tried and he said the third time. Then I asked him why so many fourth-class men ran on the Australian ballot at the last election and he said it was becauje there were no fifth j class men. I next asked him how it was that some of his candidates got si:ch a bigger ma-, jority thun others on the same ticket and he said it was because they got more votes. Then I wanted to know why they called the ballot the Australian ballot and he said it was be cause it came from Australia. I asked him which was heaviest on the candidate, the nomination or the election? and he said both. I asked him how candidates liked the Austral ian ballot? He said it depended whoily on how they came out; for instance the man elected to office for the first time thought the Australian ballot was bully, because it elected him. The man re-elected lo office took no stock in it, because be knew he was not elected on the ballot, but upun the "stuff." I asked him how much an official when elect ed got. He said he diet not know how much an official got, but he could tell me what his sal ary was. I asked him if good men were not usually beaten for office, and he said that he had seen the righteous forsaken and their seed shy of voles. The lasi thing I asked him was if he made more on his convention than he did on the election, but he got mad at this and fired me out. Just as I was leaving ho hollered and j asked me what Da's name was, because he said [ if pa, ever ran for office a?ain he could get him lots of votes south of Market street. Then I lelt Mr. Kelly and started for the Hall of Justice; but when I found the Hall of Jus tice was not built I went to the new City Hall. The Hall of Justice is so called because police courts will be held there. I went to the Regis trar, Mr. Hinton, ana asked him to show me an Australian ballot, and he did so. The Aus tralian ballot is a large sheet of paper, and it is tqcare, at least, in form. It is laree, so as I to hold the names of a.l the candidates. The last ballot had so many names upon it that I thought at liist it was the proof-sheet of I THE SAN FRANCISCO CALL, SUNDAY, DECEMBER 20, 1896. the Directory. Mr. Hinton told mo that there are always five times as many candidates as offices. He saia that with one exception there never was an election, either before the Press Club got into debt or since it get out of it, when there were just as many offices as there were candidates, and that time was at the last election of the Board of Freeholders. lv. the late frea-for-all scramble for offices there were forty-five places and 270 candi dates; so there ought to have been at least 225 more offices to go round. Mr. Hinton said be did not know who in vented the Australian ballot; he knew who in vented barbed-wire fences, Hamburg steaks and Supervisors, but no one knows who dis covered the Australian ballot, although since the last election hundreds of men have been looking for him hard. The Australian ballot is printed upon paper which is tinted pink. Before it is printed some one advertised for bids— not for the bids of Tehama street, but for offers in writing in which the man who wants the job bids the amount which he expects to make off it. When the ballot is printed every candidate has a number, and oiten all that the voter knows about the candidate is his number. Each candidate is also branded with his party designation ; thus R. stands for Republi can, S. for Socialist, N.-P. for Non-Partisan and N. G. fo- the crowd. Sometimes the voter don't care either for the number or the name of the candidate, but votes solely on the brand. A convention nominates candidates; a con vention consists of two or more bosses, who call themselves United Labor or Independent Republican or Gold Democrats, but the only way you can tell the difference between them is by the name. When a convention won't nominate a can didate he gets on the ballot by petition; that is, he gets three or foiw thousand people who do not know him to sign a paper at 10 cents per head, sayin» that he is tiie best man in the country for the place; and then they leave a blank for him to fill in any place be wants. This is a cheaper way of getting on the ticket than by nomination. A nomination costs nearly as much as the horse show. For an office witn a big salary like Auditor there are usually three or four candidates, but for the office of School Director, who gets no salary, there are usually about on- hun dred candidates. I asked Mr. Hinton why so many men rnn for an office without pay, and he s&id that if I ever served as a School Di rector I would find out. If a voter wants to vote for any candidate on the Australian ballot he takes a little stamp and puts a cross at the end of tho name, notiu the middle of the name, as he does when he writes his own signature. When be votes for a Superior Judso he finds seventeen candi dates for that office. He cannot vote for the whole seventeen, but he can vote for one only. Such v vote is called a plumper. No one believes in plump ing except the man who gets the plump ; then iie says the voter is a good citizen. But If the other fellow gets the plump he says the voter is a fool. It is said that in the last election there were occasional instances of plumping. Some voters voted for two Judges, some Rtood three and a few went four, but 3400 voters could not pick one. If a voter voted for five Judges his vote would be no good, because .'our were as muny as the public could stand at one elec tion. On the Australian ballot the names of the candidates are printed alphabetically; some candidates say that position on the ballot affects the result, and that a man whose name commences with Q never can be elected to any office, except to an unexpired term on the Board of Freeholders. But this rule did not work in the election of 1894, when S standing for Sutro beat £ standing for Ellert. Before a voter can vote he must be regis tered; that is, he must goto the Registrar's office and give his name, if he can remember it; then the Registrar looks at his teeth to '.earn his ase, measures him to get his height, ami if the voter has any peculiar mark about him as marks oi intellect, the Registrar care fully notes it. Tho next trouble for the voter is to find nis polling place. The one nearest his houne is usually the wrong. one. When, however, he finds his polling place he can go in and vote, provided some one else has not already voted for him to save him the trouble nnd provided he answers his new City Hall description, and provided he is not in the wrong district or in the wiong county and is able to read and write. If he is allowed to vote, they give him an Australian ballot and be goes into a little place that looks like a stall, and there he wrestles with his ballot. In selecting the candidates the voter is usually intelligent and discriminating; thus he will vote fcrone man because he don't know him, opainst another because he does, for another because he runs independent, for another because all of the conventions bave nominated him, for another because he likes his picture and for another because bis name commences with A. Aud lastly, he is ex pected to put some monoy in n cigar box ujicn the clerk's table, which is marked "Charity" or "Fcr the Poor." The box is marked in this way because all of the money put into it goes to the Big Jim Fund, to provide cots in the wards south of Miirket street for disabled stuffers. A clever paper was read dv Wells Drury, being a travesty on hifaiutiu' journalism, as practiced by the grandiloquent in rural regions. Many of the strong point.-* of the paper were made emphatic by the delight ful reading, and were of that evanescent character that cold type cannot portray. A paper by Grant L. Carpenter was of a similar character. It was well read and the humorous points brought down the house. The violin music of Mollenhauer was one of the great hits of the evening, as was the singing of the quartet and of Abramoff, Mcßridf, Homer Henley and John J. Raffael. Ferris Hartman enter tained the audience with humorous sketches, Edward Moron made a brief ad dress, and the entire evening was passed pleasantly. The following, among other dis tinguished guests, were present during the evening: Attorney E. S. Pillsbury, General C. H. Taylor, Carroll Cook, Adam Herold, George H. Bromley. S. M. Shoruidge, Mayor-elect James Phelan, N. C Judd, Superior Judge John Hunt, Superior Judge B-lrher, Judge C. W. Slack, Horace Piatt, General S. W« Backus, Mr. Kirkpatrick, Dr. Philip Mills Jones, John P. Dunning, William Greer Harrison, Van R. Paterson, Jlerwin Curtis, Nathan Lundsberger, C. A.Webster, Superior Judge J. C. Hebbard, Amadee Joullin, Dr. Marc Levingston, W. S. Wood, W, F. Boeart, G. H. Pippy, E. A. Phillips, W. P. McNair, Otto Dobbertin, E. H. Hamilton, Horace PlP.tt, T. D. Riordi».n, Judge Bahrs, Nat Brittain, Alex T. Polloch, James Brown, Peter F. Dunne, 8. E. Moffet, Judge Joachimsen and F. L. Merrill of Cincin nati, Brigadier-General Forsyth, F. K. Lane, Major Bates, ex-Judge R. B. Car penter, Raleigh Barcar, W. H. Gagan, Henry James, Byron Mauzy, Walter Sabin, Joseph Howell, W. W. Naugh ton, John McNaught, James Mac- Mulien, Dr. — Somera, Nat Brittan, Harry Curtaz, H. L. Schemmel, Mr. Mur phy, W. P. Lawler, Judge Sanderson, W. H. Levy, James M. Hamilton, Dr. Lustiji, Julius Kahn, Dr. P. William Nathan. Mayor-elect Jamee Phelan, who had come in with General Forsyth, General C. N. Taylor of ttie Boston Globe and others, was called for and made a very happy speech, in which he referred to the recent campaign and the attitude of the press. His address was coupled with amusing stories and pr6vokcd much mirth. He referred to General Taylor as the founder of a great newspaper and intimated that if he were called on he might teil interest ing things about Boston, the newspapers and how they do politics there. Colonel Taylor took the stand and made a good speech. He alluded to the fact that he had filled every position on a daily paper and said the happiest expe rience ot his life was when he was simply doing reportorial work. He said it was the duty of those collect ing the news to make the papers as clean as possible. He also told amusing stories and they were received with nm:h ap plause. Judge C. A. Low, attired as Santa Claus, distributed Christmas presents from a trci\ calling the recipients to the stand in each ca3e and reading a bit of humorous verse. The gifts and the verses were of great variety, and in the nature of takeoffs on the members. In spontaneity, polish, warmth of en thusiubm and respectable conviviality last night's yule-tide jinks outshone every previous effort of the club in that direc tion. The speeches were timely and witty, just long enough as a rule, and the entire spirit of the entertainment was harmonious and beautiful. While none of the papers bore the evidence oi the mid night oil neither were any slighted in that finish that stamps the writer as one accustomed to aging ii is pen. In connection with the success of the jinks and of the club itself it is not unin teresting to recall a faw facts concerning the origin and early history of the organi zation. In the language of Fred Myrtle, historian of the club: "The start was for a few years a hard struggle against pov erty, prejudice, opposition' and lack of I confidence." The club of to-day began in July, 1888, starting in two rooms on Bush street, near Montgomery. Soon after this crude start I larger quarters were taken in what is now the Fauntleroy, Stockton and O'Farrell streets; but there was no marked progress until the former quarters of the Bohemian Club, 430 Pine street, were secured. The career as a social organization then began, though until the reign of President Cassius M. Coe and a businesslike board of directors the organization was always in financial shallows. For more than two years the present quarters, 126. Kearny street, have been occupied, and to-day the institution has money in the bank. The following are the officers who to-day guide its destinies: President, C. M. Coe; first vice-president, J. P. Booth; second vice-president, James McMullen; third vice-president, W. r. Bogart; secretary. [F. S. Myrtle; Ueasurer, P. S. Montague; librarian, W. K. Briggs; directors — C. A. Low, Paul Cowlcs, Dr. P. If. Jones, L. L. Levings, C. A. Webster, E. D. Dement. For several years after the club was or eanized many journalists held themselves aloot, laughing at those who struggled to build up such an association, referring to th- failures of the past. To-day, however, many of the very best reporters and editors in the country are on either the active or non-resident lists and no man however great his fame need be ashamed to be on the roll of the San Francisco Press Club, which is known all over the country a3 one of the most progressive bodies of news paper men in the United States. It has rejoined the International League of Press Clubs, and in J une last two of its members. President Coe and F. C. Roberts, attended the annual convention of the league at Buffalo, N. Y. The reception accorded them by the Eastern journalists showed beyond a doubt the esteem in which the California organization is held. The following is a list of those who con stitute the active, associate and non-resi dent members of the club: Charles A. Alken, E. M. Adfnns, H. S. Allen, R. Porter Ashe, John Aiton, Dr. W. Anderson, Dr. J. D. Arnold, A. Siduey Ashe, P. C. Aden, A. H. Barendt, H. L. Brook, S. W. Backus; O. Black, H. L. Baggerley, W. F. Burke, James P. Booth, \V. F. Bognrt, U. P. Bush, F. V. Brooke, Barn Baldwin, W. S. Barnes, Kaleigrj Barcar, W. G. Bi;nton, W. K. Briggs, J. J. Burke, Ai Bouf,-ier, W. Iff. Buuker, T. B. Bishop, T. M. Bradley, E. K. Bush, D. M. Burns, Frank H. Burke, Dr. G. E. Bushnell, Sig mund Beel, E. A. Belcher, H. U. .Bran denstein, A. P. Black, Benjamin Benjamin, A. L. Bensoc, Jmnes H. Barry, W. C Bunner, W. J. Batchclcier, R. J. Burns, Dr. \Y. L. Barry, CaUaehan Byrnes, C. T. Conlan, E. Ciark, J. V. Coleman, <;. M. Coe, E. L. Comon, L. G. Car peater, R. A. Crothers, Joseph T. Cooney, J. V. C-.'ffey, Carroll Cook, C. W. Cross, Paul Cowles, C. F. Curry, Dr. U. P. Carleton, T. E.K. Cor mac, Frank Coffin, H. T. Creswcll, H. J. Curtaz, s. V. Costello, B. Cromwell, John P. Dunning, Wells Drury, Alfred Dobson, John H. Dursr, W. S. Dreypolcher, F. H. Dunne, W. L. Dye, E. D. Dement, J. H. Dickinson, J. S. Dunuigan, J. J. Dwyer, J. \V. Erwin, J. L. Eppinger, John Finlay, John Fougii, T. E. Flynn, L. E. Fitch, Alex Korsy the, H. 11. Fnedlander, Robert Fer ral, George B. Fraser, W. H. Gagan, Paut Gold smith, Eugene Garher, Dr. G. F. Graham, Wil liam Grant, P. Gutterson, Carlton Green, G. W. (irayson, G. C. Groezinger, Hugh Hume, E. H. Hamilton, John Hunt, C. F. Hanlon, L. M liot-ffler, W. H. H. Hart, W. Greer Harrison, J. (". B. Hebbard. Dr. S. W. Hillinrd, 8. Homer Henley, J. H. Howe, S. M. Haskell, E. C. Hughes. James M. Hiimilton, F. A. He.ily, John J. Harrison, J. Ross Jackson. 11. L. Joachiinseu, N. A. Judd, Dr. Philip Mills Jones, Chris Jorsensen, S.Jackson, W. H. Jordan, Henry James, Q. A. Knight, Julius Kahn, Joseph P. Kelly, M. B. Kellogg, W. W. Kaufman, Thomas Kirkpatrlck, C. A. Low, Jere Lynch, A. B. Lcmmou, L. L. Levings, A. O. Larkin, Dr. M. Lev'nKSton, R. Lmder, Dr. D. D. Lu^tis, Lewis Lloyd, W. H. Levy, Arthur McEwen. Edward F. Moren, William H. .Mills P. S. Montacue, W. W. McNair, F.P.Medina, Curl Martens, H. A. McCraney, James McMullen. G. H. Maxwell, J. D. Maxwell, B. Mollenriauer, G. McEnerney, Harry Mam:, F. S. Myrtle, E. P. Morey, \V. J. Martin, E. J. Molera, E. A. Mutch. D. MeLeod, John Morris sey, William McDonald, Harry Melvln, J. W Metcalf, W. W. Naugluon, H. Z. Osborne, J. C. O'Connor, L. D. Owens, W. D. Pennycook, \V. W. Price, G. H. Pippy, A. E. Pounstone, Edgar Painter. A. H. Powers, L. E. Phillips, C. C. Powning, Van R. Paterson, F. H. Powers, James D. Phelan, F. C. Roberts, Gordon Ross, T. D. Riordan, W, C. Ralston, A. Rodgers, J. J. Kaffael, J. D. Reinsteln, J. B. Reynolds, W. B. Reis, C. M. Short ridge, U E. Stover. S. M. Shortridge. John F. Sheehan, Martin Stevens, Dr. J. Simp son, A. A. Sanderson, J. L. M. Shatterly, Charles W. Slack, H. V. Sutherland, W. j. Stone, L. D. Syle. E. E. Schmitz, L. W. Storer, J. S. Swan, J. F. Smith, J. A. Sheldon, G. Stor.ey, John TimmiD < <, Isaac Trumbo, S. E. tucker, R. F. Titton, J. W. Travers, H. A. Tre vanlyan.J. M. Troutt, H. Trumbo, B.C.Tru man. E. M. Van Frank, T. H. Van Frank, T. T. Williams, C. A. Webster, E. B. Willis, J. A Waymire, D. M. Wnrde, D. H. Walker, J. P. Wilson, G. O. Watkius, Mark Walser, aS. Young, W. G. Zeigler. « In i-i timi* Carol. The Christmas festival of tho Pilgrim Sun day-school of the First Unitarian Church will be held at Native Sons' Hall, 414 Mason street, on Tuesday, December 22. There will be games for the little folks at 5:30 p.m. At 8 o'clock a dramatization of Mrs. Kate Douglas Wiggin's "Bird's Christmas Carol" will be given by memoers of the school. After the playdanciiiK will close the evening's enter tainment. The proceeds are to be divided be tween the Silver-street Kindergarten, of which Mrs. VViggin was the founder, and the Sunday-school. A LOST SEA GULL. For Twehty-Four Years He Had Win tered at B rentons Reef Lightship. Captain Fogarty and his men are mourn ing the probable death of Dick, the sea gull that became famous for having passed twenty-four consecutive winters on or in the vicinity of Brentons Reef lightship, about two miles off the south shore of New port. Dick began to attract attention nearly twenty-four years ago, because about Octobsrl of each year he would ap pear off the lightship and remain near it till about April 1, when he would fly north ward for the summer. As years passed and there was no break in the regularity of Dick's coming and going his fame grew and. not a few persons visited the lightship toseehim. Focarty and his pre decessors have been called upon to write many ietters regarding the gull and there have been hundreds of inquiries fiom people as to whetner the stories about Dick were true, said a recent dispatch irom Newport, K. I. Last winter it was noted that Dick was quite fenble with age and it was suggested that he be shot ana stuffed for exhibition in the Smithsonian Institution, for it was thought that lie would never be able to get back to the lightship, even if he sur vived tho winter. But Captain Fosrarty and his men refused to harm Dick. They wanted very much to have the gull's body mounted, but they were so much attached to him that they would do him no injury. They were willing to await his natural death, trusting that he would die where they could secure his remains. It ap pears, though, from his failure to ap pear at the lightship so far this fall, that ne has died in other parts, and the half dosen scientists and institutions who hoped to have his remains will be disap pointed. It may be that Dick had been a regular visitor at the lightship for more than twenty-four years, but if so he had not made himself known. The first that i remembered of him was in the winter of 1871-72. He was a gray gull, a species that is not considered very rare. Early in his career at the lightship he had remark ably smooth and bricht plumage, but as years went by he gradually lost hisoeauty. and during'the last few winters he pos sessed a very shabby coat. He was roy ally treated by the captain and men of the lightship, who had his meals, of salt pork mostly, prepared on time, and when the hour arrived for Dick to eat he would call for his food under the side of the boat. Besides his regular habits, Dick had other very remarkable characteristics, one of which was his desire always to be alone. Uniike otneri of his kind, he was never seen with other gulls.— Philadelphia Tele graph. _ EDISON, THE DREAMER. How to Oet Kid of Some Telegraphic Drudgery. Some one had referred to him as Victor Hugo when he made his appearance (as an operator in our telegraphic office in Boston), and it was by that name tuat we generally spoke of him. Every device was employed to thwart his soarings after the infinite and his divings for the unfathom able, as we regarded them, and to get an amount of work out of him that was equiv alent to the sum paid pjr diem for his ser vices, and among them was that of having NEW TO-DAY. ujTwell^Teel well, Be Well, Strong of Nerve and Light of Heart, With Plenty of Vitality to Keep You Well. When You Begin to Fail in Vigor, You Can Regain It by Using This Great Remedy. 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J ; . ■ "Fifteen years ago I. was hurt by a fall, injuring- my spine and wearing my whole system. My sexual powers were gone when 1 got your Belt last April. I was so weak 1 could not stoop to lift any thing. I felt better in three days after putting the Belt on, and in two months my power was entirely restored. » I was entirely cured," says S. H.Austen, Mate Ship Hoeneme, San Francisco, Dae. 2, 1896. -r,>- It makes men strong ; it removes the effects of early habits, indiscretions* excesses, overwork and all abuse of the laws of Nature. It helps Nature to mend and makes manhood perfect. The failure of : medicine, of quacks, and even of other, so- called, electric belts, is no argument against Dr. Sanden's Elec- tric Belt. No other . treatment, ! no other belt, is in the V same class : with it. Everything else may fail, and still Dr.^Sanden's Belt will cure. It HAS cured thousands who had tried other remedies without avail. 1 : i No man who is weak will ; make ; the -right effort to regain his power until he tries Dr. Sanden's -Electric Belt. A fair trial of this great remedy will make it unnecessary to ever use any other.; . . w /• , ; — "At the time. I bought your Belt I was so nervous and shaky that I could not do any work without feeling.perfectly exhausted.. I had what is called Nervous Debility from excessive drinking and sexual excesses. was practically on my last i gs. My powers were all gone and I was a wreck. I had spent over $300 /or drugs without the slightest benefit, when I got your Belt. ."I felt an improvement as soon as I applied it and I continued improving until now.l feel as strong and well as I ever did in my life. - I feel very grateful to you for what your Belt has done for me," says H. Knowlton. 621 kearny street, December 8,1896. ■'"..» ■:■'.'■ Be true to Nature, be true to yourself and your friends. Regain your health. • Give the color of vigor to your cheeks, the sparkle to your eye. Regain your manhood for good by using the wonderful Electric Belt. , ' , .1 All men who are weak should have Dr. Sanden's celebrated book, "Three ; Classes of Men," which will be sent closely sealed free, on application. < ■ »-A.:Krx3-E:3xr eijEctjiic 00., t 632 MARKET ST., OPPOSITE PALACE HOTEL, SAN FKANCISC9. ;■> . ' Office hours— B A. M. to 6P. M. ; evenings, 7to 8:30: Sundays, 10 to 1. Los f Anitelos Offi™ 204 South Broad Portland. Or.. 203 Washington street. Consultation free and invited : *iQTI£.-,ftluke no mistake in the aumber-S3a Market Btre«JU '- " mnteo. :; ■ , " ■ • ■ ■■;■ ■ " -.- .-"■ - -■ '■*■ v .v.: - ■ v ■ i . - ■ ■■■,--.. . ■ ■ . . him receive the cress report from Ne* York. He did not like this, the work con tinuiner steadily from 6:30 o'clock p. v until 12 a. m., and lenvins: him no time in which to pursue his studies One night about 8 o'clock there came down an inquiry as to where the press report was, and, going to the lesb where Edison was at worK, Nltrht Man ager Lsinhton was horritied to find there j was nothing ready to go r.Dstair3, for tho I r*a«on that Edison had copied between ! 1500 ami 2000 words of stock and othei j marked reports in a hand so small that he I had only tilled a third of a page. Lei<;nton laughed in spite of himself, and savins, "Heavens, Tom; don't do that again !" hastened to cut the copy up into minute fragments and have it pre pared in a more acceptable manner. While this was occurrine Edison went on leceiviiig, and the frequent trips of the noisy dummy box, whicn communicated wit:i the pressrooms on the next floor, gave evidence that. he was no longer gaug ing bis handwriting with an ultimate view to putting the Lord's prayer on a 3 cent piece. But all at once there wag a f»reat noi'e, and it was evident that Press Agent Wal lace, a most profane man, was coming down the stairs, swearing and shouting as he came. Everybody grew excited ex^ cept Edison, who was perhaps dreaming of the possibilities in some of the realms of electrical enaeavor in which He has since won renown. But we did not have long to wait to know the cause of Wallace's visit. Kick ing open the door, ht> appeared to us, but he was speechless. The last note of his voice and the last remnant of a vocabu lary of blasphemy which was famouj throughout the city was gone. Standing there with botn hands full of small, white pages of paper, he could only beckon. Leighton approached him. and tenderly took the sheets of paper from him, to find that Edison had made the radical change from his first style of copy to simply put tin« o « word on each directly in the center. He had furnished in this way several hundred pages in a very few min utes. He was relieved from duty on the press wire and put on another circuit, while the much-tried Leighton devoted himself to bringing Wallace back to a normal condi tion, admitting of the use of his voice and the flow of his usual output of profanity. — [ Electrical Review. A whale of average size has a jawbone twenty-five feet in length.