The San Francisco call. [volume], September 09, 1900, Image 16

About The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913

Image provided by: University of California, Riverside; Riverside, CA

                
will die, though the whole world point the
finger of scorn.
That he is Inherently without the ability
to Judge between right and wrong would
seem evident from the open way in which
he has perpetrated his misdeeds. To do
the wrong thing was to do the natural
thing for John Chretien. Almost invaria
bly he was detected in his crookedness.
Again and again he has good-naturedly
admitted crimes which any other man
would keep under lock and key. "A moral
idiot." says the psychologist.
Early .in his career, the black spots on
his' character made their appearance.'
Twenty-five years ago he was a young
lawyer with a promising future.* But he
strayed into politics and was soon up to
his knees In the mire. Then came the tint
blot on the 'scutcheon. Jack Chretien ;
star bon vlvant of the Bohemian Club|
had been forced to resign, said the gossips!
The reason why soon leaked through club
doors. He had introduced into the club
a professional gambler, with whose aid
Chretien pocketed goodly poker winnings.
The trick was discovered and his resig
nation demanded, but not until a . signed
confession was obtained from him.
Instead of rcgilding bis reputation.
1 got m nere. Tn<s chief Jailer here, ' and
Happy Jack winked familiarly at him.
"haa broken bread and popped corks with
xne many times. Well, I was so glad to
eee him I forgot the changed circum
stances, elapp'ed him on the back and said}.
•How are you, old man?' 'Here,' he saM,
•you stand over in that corner and wait
your turn; when I'm ready I'll attend to
you.' That was a solar plexus, but i
said to myself, 'Come out strong, Jack,
he doesn't mean anything; he's just got
to remind you of his authority." I was
ready with a" smile when he called me
up to the desk."
Mr. Chretien's first dinner in Jail was a
memorable one. Upon request, as Is tho
rule, he was permitted to send outside for
his meals. A waiter from a neighboring
Italian restaurant waa brought to; Mr.
Chretien's cell, or boudoir as he calls It,
to make arrangements. The waiter re
turned bristling with politeness and hair.
With his oily fingers he spread the feast,
and smacking: his lips by way of en
couragement, waited for his •victim to
fall to.
! Mr. Chretien had not yet been Informed
of the rule forbidding: a prisoner a knife
or fork. . '.'Here, Garibaldi," f he called.
"What you think I eata the nica fresh
feesh with? Tou think I cuta the meat
with my feengers? You shake those spa
ghetti feet of yours and bring me a knife
and fork."
."No glva the knife or fork; only spoon."
eald the waiter. "I forgetta to cut him
for you."
"Better eat It for me, too!" And then
remembering that when Mark Tapley lay
burning up with fever he was too far
gone to speak, he feebly wrote "Jolly"
on a -slate, Happy Jack '"came out strong"
and flavored his dinner with quips and
Jests that brought the Jailers to the res
cue of "the waiter.
Chretien has every confidence of being
cleared when his case is brought to trial.
It has been thrown into the police courts,
and Chretien knows their ways— more
dark and mysterious than the heathen
Chinee. His only concern* Is to have it
over with. That he can/never be cleared
of the disgrace, though he escape punish
ment, does not shatter his aelf-satisfac
tlon one whit.
To the world at large Jack Chretien's
merry mood sits oddly on a man who has
Just been ground through the mill. He
has been a pictured a remorseful penitent
creature. But to those who know him
well his attitude Is no ' surprise. Happy
Jack he was born and Happy* Jack he
One of the "spectroscopic binaries'* re
cently discovered by Professor Campbell
with the Mills spectrograph of the L ! ck
Observatory is Capella, in Auriga, one of
the brightest three stars, if not the
brightest In the northern hemisphere.
Mr. Newall. an English amateur astron
omer, has also made spectroscopic obser
vations of this star, which are fully in ac
cord with those of Professor CampbelL
Mr. Newall finds that the two components
of the star do not differ greatly In mass
and are nearly equal In brightness, an<3
that the period of their revolution around
their common center of gravity la 104
days. Assuming that their orbit is set
nearly edgewise toward ua. he computes
its radius to be about 52,000.000 miles: ff
the plane of the orbit is Inclined to cur
line of sight, its size must be greater thanA
this— perhaps twice as great. W« may^
conceive of Capella. then, aa two monste
runs. each probably many times larger
than our sun. circling around each other
in orbits which may be smaller than that
of the planet Venu3 and can hardly t»
much greater than that of the earth.
Ohe Binary <Jtar Capella.
jChretlen proceeded to tarnish It still fur
ther. In handling the administration of
his father's estate he openly boasted of
1 purloining a bankbook with a credit 01
$5000 intended for his mother. This is cer
1 talnly the most unworthy deed on ths
long list charged up to John M. Chretien.
The story of his attempting to black
mall a young married, woman, and after
ward, at the point of a pistol, retracting
the charges. Is too well known to need
repetition. But so are all his other mis
deeds. Pocketing half of Manager Fraw
ley's copyright payment on a Oaly play,
and when the performance was almosi
stopped by order of Daly, he denied that
he had ever received a cent of the $900.
Fortunately Frawley had his check
stubs. His endeavors to mismanage the
Fourth of July funds for his own benefit
came to light and he was expelled from
the committee through charges brought
by the Musicians' Union. He has been
accused of robbinz the helpless widow
and orphan, of getting money on prom
ises of municipal jobs, of dozens of other
<T ACK CHRETIEN cannot know a
- moment's unhapplnesa. Now is the
opportunity of his life to show his
capacity for being miserable. But
he is as chubby and cheerful under the
drubbing of fate as when fortune smiled.
"Happy Jack"' they call him at the Broad
way "Jail. It cannot be paid that since
his Incarceration in jail his cheerfulness
sr.d good nature have increased, for they
would hardly a^mit of augmentation.
Certainly his spirits are as high as ever.
Word that an interviewer was awaiting
him in the office brought him down the
e-teps three at a time, rather puffy from
the descent, for Mr. Chretien has more
embonpoint than is quite reconcilable
¦with the established ideas of grace. In
deference to the warm weather or a
r.egiertful laundryman he wore neither
collar nor cravat. Mr. Chretien's counte
nance, wreathed in smiles and triple chins,
was as merry as merry could be.
"The other gentlemen in my boudoir are
having a warm discussion," said Happy
Jack, "so I was glad to leave them. Oh,
r.othing serious— they are both gentlemen.
One is an absconder and the other is In
for forgery. I think. But they are both
good fellows."
Mr. Chretien is well aware of the fact
that his good spirits and sallies of wit
ere sources of wonder and amusement to
the jailers. There is something very
¦whJmsieal in his defense of his unfailing
good humor. "I obey the jail rules and
they treat me well? so why .shouldn't I
be merry."
The shame and disgrace of It all never
occurs to him.
The corner of a book poked out of his
pocket and Mr. Chretien confessed to an
Immense amount of reading. "Th's 13
my ttand-by," and he pulled out a dog
eared edition of Martin Chuzzlewit.
"Don t I remind you of Mark Tapley?'
ffk^ci Mr. Chretien, with a chuckle.
"Mark Tapley believes that there never
*as a man as could come out so
strong under circumstances that would
make other men miserable. If Mark had
met me. he'd given up being Jolly, for
I've gone through tighter squeezes with a
emiie on my face than Mark ever dream
ed of.
Mr. Chretien's round blue eye* lighted
on a passage and he rubs his fat hands
appreciatively. "Mr. Tapley found it very
difficult to pet a chance to come out
strong. Mark to^k the situation as host
ler at the Dragon in the belief that ft
schemes to dishonestly obtain anytiar.x
from a 'dollar up. His bogus heir flaero.
Is only one of many games John M. Chre-V
tlen has played.
Tet this forger, card sharp, confidence
operator, ring politician and blackmatl-r
takes life w.'*a high glee, and gusto.
whether it b© in sunlight or jail. Broad
way jail has never known his equal. His
humor is not a gri«f-llned cloak, put on
to hide the real feelings. It is genuine,
says every Jailer and cellmate. Time
never drags for Happy Jack, his fund of
good stories never runs low.
Last week the men were flxlnsr the reef
above his cell. "Hey there!" called Happy
Jack, "if that's a roof garden you're
building, plant the palms downward no
the loaves will grow through my gratlr.g."
When his lawyer comes. Chretien luShea
on him like a schoolboy and bubbles over
with mirth and jocular salutations.
"They all seem to think I ought to b«
very downcast. Over what. I'd like t<*
know." and Happy Jack squares himself,
and opens his round blue eyes as wort
deringly as the urchin who knows that
he's caught In the lie. but keeps on Iylnj
Just the same.
; "I amuse myself reading and ttudy
Spanish for mental exercts**. They treat
me all right here, so why should I be mis
erable?" Always he speaks of the mo
ment, with never a regret for the shams
upon shame he has heaped upon a one*
honored name.
. "After all." he says in partinar. "I think
•I come out stronger' than friend Tapl-y.
He was jolly under rather rough circum
stances, but I've kept my spirits under
still more trying conditions. I dor.'t de^
serve any credit for it because I J'lat can't™
help being jolly. It's easiest for me."
If Jack Chretien 13 assuming this Jollity
then the world h~~ lost its greatest actor.
But he isn't. Trust the jailers and his
cellmates to pick the flaw in hia good
humor if there were one.
There is cne way of accounting for It
Perhaps the fairies did attend his chris
tening. Certainly "Happy" Jack ChreU«a
is a man without a conscience.
was the dullest little out-of-the-way cor
ner in England, and that there would be
some credit In being jolly in such a place.
But ho left It because there was no dull
ness there whatever and he could not rea
sonably claim any credit for being jolly
under such circumstances. He had to
leave England to get a chance.
"Now. I've never had to hunt for 'a
chance to come out strong.' But when
the court ordered me to jail I realized that
the chance had arrived, so I followed my
friend, Mark Tapley's advice.. 'Now
Jack Chretien.' said I, giving myself a
tremendous blow on the chest by way
of a reviver, 'just you attend to what I've
pot to say. Things are looking about as
bad as they can look, young: man. You'll
rot have such another opportunity lor
showing your jolly disposition, my fine
fellow, as long as you live. And. there
fore. Jack Chretien, now's your time to
come out strong- or never.'
"I eaire out siromg the very first nieht
The fairies watched the christen
ing with much interest— it was so
different from their manner of put
ting a baby on a rose petal and
sprinkling it with dew. The baby's
dress was very sheer and fine for a
mortal. The ladies all talked baby
g-co to the little chappie, and though
he was christened John M. Chretien,
everybody called him Jack.
On a table were the gifts — silver
There was a great flutter in
fairyland ever tlie affair. All the
fairies in the dell, save one only, re
ceived invitation s. Afterward, the
Erownie who acted as special mes
senger, claimed that the slighted
fairy did receive nn invitation, but a.s
it was written in Trench she could
not reed it.
The fairies were net "among thoss
present" in the newspaper accounts
of the christening. But they wen
there nevertheless. The reporters just
didn't happen to see them, which v;as
quite natural, fairies not being in
their line.
OXCE upon a time the fairies
were invited to a christening-.
spoons, silver mugs and rattles bj
the dozen. No one saw the fairlei
as they circled round the baby, soft
ly speaking their gifts.
*'I give him health,"' cooed thi
queen of the fairies. "1 give him
rare intelligence," said the maid of
honor. Moderate wealth, a true
and loving- mate, a nimble wit, the
will to do, the courage to dare and
so on, they showered their gifts.
The last still floated in air,
¦when suddenly the slighted fairy ap
peared in the door-way and in a voice
choking with rage hissed, "Un
availing youV gifts, for I take away
this child's conscience I"
For a breathless second the queen
of the fairies couldn't think just how
to cheat the envious fairy of her re
venge. Then with a sigh she said
"I give this child unfailing- good
humor:*' \
'•Has she spoiled his lifeP" whis
pered the maid of honor to the queen
as they neared the fairies' dell.
"John Chretien will make others
miserable, but he himself can never
be unhappy. For I have given him
unfailing good humor.*'
How "Happy"
Fack
Chretien
passes his
time in jail
Has a Fund
of humor
that never
seems to
desert him
THE SUNDAY CAlil,.
16