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Newspaper Page Text
THE SUNDAY CAIit.
3 THE LAST DAY AT THE SEASIDE. "KARBWKLL, SWEETHEART, TILL. THE SUMMER OF 190L" An Artful ledger. To be perfectly honest. Brown does not go to his Gris wold-street office every night that he tells his wife he Is going there The business which he says is pressing la frequently imaginary and the man whom he is Kotng to meet does not exist. -He belong* to a club and clubs have their at traction. He thought that ills wife was trowing suspicious, and Drown is re- Bcurceful. On the evening tn question, as the law yers would say. he told her that there was a matter of business that could not pos «My be deferred until the next day About 9 o'clock she answered the 'phone "° .."^ff J* Sk r d If Brown was al hom « and repled that he was at his office. "Guess not," was the alarming response. I wa* Just down there and all looked ¦ULXlCa She rang off 'viciously, if women ever do ?uch things, ordered a coupe, told the driver to so as fast as the ordinance al "V- Pt takln B OI » temper as she went ar.d flew uj.stairs tc the office as though ¦ r "' ;use «W in hut pursuit. Her hu3 baiid met hor smilingly, insisted that she aad given him a delightful surprise, put tus ea«:est chair near the light, handed ror a paper and .'pologi/.ed for having to resume work ihat would possibly keep him till 3. She coulu not explain, she could not keep awake, she was ashamed of her.st- If and after lamely telling that she had dreamed that he was ill she left. In ten minutes he was at the club and enook hands with a man who smilingly asued u the scheme worked. He replied tiiai it was as good as ready money for at least sixty day* and then each bought a stack of chips that pass in the night.— E>etrcU Free Press. : » ? ¦ HIS ELECTRIC SPARK ~MiIl!e!" The young lineman twirled his hat in his hands Jn an agitated manner and epoke In a voice that seemed to bave a tendency to get away from him. ••Millie, the fact is, I— I— there's some thing I've betn wanting to tell you for a long time, tut I can't seem to fetch It. When you look at me like that, you knew, it breaks me all up. I've been com ing here so long that I oughtn't to be afraid. 1 reciton. but— but you know bow it is— or maybe you don't either. 1 thought you're a UtUe the liveliest wire I ever— I didn't think it would be so hard when I—" Here he came to a dead stop. "iiillie:" he exclaimed in desperation, "I'm short-circuited! I've burned out a fusel" "Jerry, are. you trying to ask me to marry you?" "Y-yes!" "Why. of course I will, yon foolish boy." And love's current flowed unobstructed ly again, lighting up with its pure radi ance the rose-embuwered pathway that, tie— Philadelphia lnyuirer. DKFXNIXR "You look worried." remarked the flrst cabin passenger. "I am." replied the other. "Two days ago I catieU to my wife, who Is in Home, that 1 would sail for Paris to-day, and asLed her where I could meet her. Just before sailing to-day I got this reply: •V\ i:i met-t you there on Friday at 3 o'clock.' "— Philadelphia Press. NOTHING Kl.SE TO DO. Foyer— Do you really mean to say that you liked Miss Sk^aner^a singing of that solo? You app'.aucifd as though your life depended upon gettir.j; an encore. l^jtby— It was perfectly awful. But my train didn't go until late, and it was rain trg outside.— Eoston Transcript. IN THE BUREAU OF NAVIGATION It -wslS understood that most of the f.ghtins against the Chinamen would have to be done on land. Possibly that la why the Oregon went aground.— Buffalo Ex- "Professor Sumner says that only 10 per cer.t of the marriages are happy ones." "Well." replied the sweet young thing, "even la that case let us remember that the odds en marital happiness are about 13 oer cent better than those on a happy Fpicsterhood." SUBURBAN ATHLETICS "How you must enjoy getting out to your country home and casting dull care to the winds after your hard day's toil in the hot and dusty city!" "Casting dull care to the winds! Oh, say, now, you wouldn't call it dull to chase a runaway ccw three miles after dark, would you?"— Detroit Free Press. THE ONLY WAY. Blade — Why isn't your wife playing golt with you as usual? . Grasse— I asked her to stay at home to day. I am trying to improve my game.— JIarper*» Bazar. SURE SIGN. I "Yes, baby looks like his papa," said the proud young mamma. "I'm sure he'll have a nose like him." "Yes," replied the temperance lady from next door, "you give the little one gin for the colic, I un derstand."—Philadelphia Press. '" t NO LOSS TO THE DENTIST. Patient— Great Scott, doctor! I've swal lowed some of that gold you are plugging my teeth with. Dentist— Thank you for mentioning; It. I uhall include it in your bill.— Harper's Bazar. HIGH-TONBU BUTCHER. Housewife— Js the calTs liver fresh? Butcher (indignantly) — Fresh? Fresh? Let me tell you, ma'am, I slaughter only calves with fresh llvera!— Meggensdorfer Blaetter. THE MAID FLED. "How haughty In his native grandeur! How silent! How Impressive!" sne ex c;almed at the Indian 8how. "I wonder if he can speak English?": "No. madame," said the heap big brava from Carlisle, "unfortunately, having been deprived of educational advantages and those environments which might have developed in me some degree of cul ture, the innumerable intricacies of your language are quite beyond my limited comprehen " ' "But ahe had fled. — Denver Times. COLLECTING HIS THOUGHTS. "I'll want to take a little time to collect my thoughts before I start out campaign- Ing," RAld the worker. . "Now what In the world do you want to waste your time (akiriK up that kind of a collection?" Inquired Senator Sorghum, in excitement. "You can't buy votes w'lh thoughts, can you? You seem to be labor ing under the delusion that we are get ting up some kind of a scrapbook."— Washington Star. VERY FUNNY. A pauper is a man 'at always worries quite a lot, Becos he can't accumulate no money. The plutercrat he worries for fear 'at what he's got . • 'L4 get away from him. Now, ain't It funny? —Catholic Standard and Times. - THE IMPUDENCE OK SOME PEOPLE. "While my daughter was playing the piano lest night a strange man stopped at the door and salted to be allowed to give her a dollar.".i "Was he such an ardent music lover?" "No; he said it-was merely a thank of fering because he didn't live next door to us." — Indianapolis Journal. SURPRISING INFORMATION. Old Lady (pointing to elevated railroad) —Where do them cars go to? - . .' - City Man (hurriedly)— Almost anywhere you want, ma'am. Old Lady— Land sakes! I thought they had to stay on the rails.— New. York SHE KNEW HIM ALL RIGHT. "Introduce me "to your sister, old. man." "I don't think she wants to know you." •*She*a seen you with me."