The San Francisco call. [volume], September 09, 1900, Image 3

About The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913

Image provided by: University of California, Riverside; Riverside, CA

                
THE SUNDAY CAIit.
3
THE LAST DAY AT THE SEASIDE.
"KARBWKLL, SWEETHEART, TILL. THE SUMMER OF 190L"
An Artful ledger.
To be perfectly honest. Brown does not
go to his Gris wold-street office every night
that he tells his wife he Is going there
The business which he says is pressing la
frequently imaginary and the man whom
he is Kotng to meet does not exist. -He
belong* to a club and clubs have their at
traction. He thought that ills wife was
trowing suspicious, and Drown is re-
Bcurceful.
On the evening tn question, as the law
yers would say. he told her that there was
a matter of business that could not pos
«My be deferred until the next day
About 9 o'clock she answered the 'phone
"° .."^ff J* Sk r d If Brown was al hom « and
repled that he was at his office.
"Guess not," was the alarming response.
I wa* Just down there and all looked
¦ULXlCa
She rang off 'viciously, if women ever
do ?uch things, ordered a coupe, told the
driver to so as fast as the ordinance al
"V- Pt takln B OI » temper as she went
ar.d flew uj.stairs tc the office as though
¦ r "' ;use «W in hut pursuit. Her hu3
baiid met hor smilingly, insisted that she
aad given him a delightful surprise, put
tus ea«:est chair near the light, handed
ror a paper and .'pologi/.ed for having to
resume work ihat would possibly keep
him till 3. She coulu not explain, she
could not keep awake, she was ashamed
of her.st- If and after lamely telling that she
had dreamed that he was ill she left.
In ten minutes he was at the club and
enook hands with a man who smilingly
asued u the scheme worked. He replied
tiiai it was as good as ready money for
at least sixty day* and then each bought
a stack of chips that pass in the night.—
E>etrcU Free Press.
: » ? ¦
HIS ELECTRIC SPARK
~MiIl!e!"
The young lineman twirled his hat in
his hands Jn an agitated manner and
epoke In a voice that seemed to bave a
tendency to get away from him.
••Millie, the fact is, I— I— there's some
thing I've betn wanting to tell you for a
long time, tut I can't seem to fetch It.
When you look at me like that, you
knew, it breaks me all up. I've been com
ing here so long that I oughtn't to be
afraid. 1 reciton. but— but you know bow
it is— or maybe you don't either. 1
thought you're a UtUe the liveliest wire
I ever— I didn't think it would be so hard
when I—"
Here he came to a dead stop.
"iiillie:" he exclaimed in desperation,
"I'm short-circuited! I've burned out a
fusel"
"Jerry, are. you trying to ask me to
marry you?"
"Y-yes!"
"Why. of course I will, yon foolish boy."
And love's current flowed unobstructed
ly again, lighting up with its pure radi
ance the rose-embuwered pathway that,
tie— Philadelphia lnyuirer.
DKFXNIXR
"You look worried." remarked the flrst
cabin passenger.
"I am." replied the other. "Two days
ago I catieU to my wife, who Is in Home,
that 1 would sail for Paris to-day, and
asLed her where I could meet her. Just
before sailing to-day I got this reply:
•V\ i:i met-t you there on Friday at 3
o'clock.' "— Philadelphia Press.
NOTHING Kl.SE TO DO.
Foyer— Do you really mean to say that
you liked Miss Sk^aner^a singing of that
solo? You app'.aucifd as though your life
depended upon gettir.j; an encore.
l^jtby— It was perfectly awful. But my
train didn't go until late, and it was rain
trg outside.— Eoston Transcript.
IN THE BUREAU OF NAVIGATION
It -wslS understood that most of the
f.ghtins against the Chinamen would have
to be done on land. Possibly that la why
the Oregon went aground.— Buffalo Ex-
"Professor Sumner says that only 10 per
cer.t of the marriages are happy ones."
"Well." replied the sweet young thing,
"even la that case let us remember that
the odds en marital happiness are about
13 oer cent better than those on a happy
Fpicsterhood."
SUBURBAN ATHLETICS
"How you must enjoy getting out to
your country home and casting dull care
to the winds after your hard day's toil in
the hot and dusty city!"
"Casting dull care to the winds! Oh,
say, now, you wouldn't call it dull to
chase a runaway ccw three miles after
dark, would you?"— Detroit Free Press.
THE ONLY WAY.
Blade — Why isn't your wife playing golt
with you as usual? .
Grasse— I asked her to stay at home to
day. I am trying to improve my game.—
JIarper*» Bazar.
SURE SIGN.
I "Yes, baby looks like his papa," said
the proud young mamma. "I'm sure he'll
have a nose like him." "Yes," replied the
temperance lady from next door, "you
give the little one gin for the colic, I un
derstand."—Philadelphia Press. '" t
NO LOSS TO THE DENTIST.
Patient— Great Scott, doctor! I've swal
lowed some of that gold you are plugging
my teeth with.
Dentist— Thank you for mentioning; It.
I uhall include it in your bill.— Harper's
Bazar.
HIGH-TONBU BUTCHER.
Housewife— Js the calTs liver fresh?
Butcher (indignantly) — Fresh? Fresh?
Let me tell you, ma'am, I slaughter only
calves with fresh llvera!— Meggensdorfer
Blaetter.
THE MAID FLED.
"How haughty In his native grandeur!
How silent! How Impressive!" sne ex
c;almed at the Indian 8how. "I wonder if
he can speak English?":
"No. madame," said the heap big brava
from Carlisle, "unfortunately, having
been deprived of educational advantages
and those environments which might
have developed in me some degree of cul
ture, the innumerable intricacies of your
language are quite beyond my limited
comprehen " '
"But ahe had fled. — Denver Times.
COLLECTING HIS THOUGHTS.
"I'll want to take a little time to collect
my thoughts before I start out campaign-
Ing," RAld the worker. .
"Now what In the world do you want to
waste your time (akiriK up that kind of a
collection?" Inquired Senator Sorghum, in
excitement. "You can't buy votes w'lh
thoughts, can you? You seem to be labor
ing under the delusion that we are get
ting up some kind of a scrapbook."—
Washington Star.
VERY FUNNY.
A pauper is a man 'at always worries
quite a lot,
Becos he can't accumulate no money.
The plutercrat he worries for fear 'at
what he's got . •
'L4 get away from him. Now, ain't It
funny?
—Catholic Standard and Times. -
THE IMPUDENCE OK SOME PEOPLE.
"While my daughter was playing the
piano lest night a strange man stopped
at the door and salted to be allowed to
give her a dollar.".i
"Was he such an ardent music lover?"
"No; he said it-was merely a thank of
fering because he didn't live next door to
us." — Indianapolis Journal.
SURPRISING INFORMATION.
Old Lady (pointing to elevated railroad)
—Where do them cars go to? - . .' -
City Man (hurriedly)— Almost anywhere
you want, ma'am.
Old Lady— Land sakes! I thought they
had to stay on the rails.— New. York
SHE KNEW HIM ALL RIGHT.
"Introduce me "to your sister, old. man."
"I don't think she wants to know you."
•*She*a seen you with me."