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THE OTHER WAY.
"Do you think that constantly wearing a bat has a. tendency to make a man bald?" - "No; but when a man is bald I've noticed that It has a tendency to make him constantly wear a bat." manner, "that Is the pink of politeness."— Baltimore American. I "I despise a practical joker," said th« woman in a pink bonnet. "That Is the only kind of Joking: that pays," responded the woman In a sailor hat She was the wife of a professional hu morist and was therefore qualified to speak with authority on the subj*cu— Town Talk PRACTICAL. "We bad quite a lively debate at th« school-house Saturday evening." remark ed one Populist. "We aim to discuss only questions of Interest to the party, but this was about the liveliest time we've had yet." "What was the question debated?' la quired another Populist. "Last Saturday night tb« topic for con sideration was. "Resolved. That two barber shops are worse than one national bank."— Judge- DEBATABLE. ••Did you read about that lady who lectured to the students of the University of Chicago on how two may live comfort ably for $300 a year?" "No. I've been up in the -woods on a, two weeks" vacation. Just got back, and haven't seen a paper for a long time. Did she make out a good case?" "Yes, first rate. Told Just how it could be done." "'Who Is this lady?" "I've forgotten her name— Miss Cather ine Somebody." "Say. sreat heavens! Is she a miss? Why didn't you write It down? If she's gpod looking I might be tempted to— but I'm going to watch now and see whether there's any gallantry Jn this town, any way. You don't think she was talking la the Interests of any of those St. Joe boat companies,' do you?" — Exchange. S2C0 A TEAR FOR TWO. "I thought." said the man who wanted to enjoy his vacation in the "mountains "that you charged only J7 a week for board and a room? Here it is in your let ter." "Yes, I know." replied the proprietor of the hotel, "but you didn't ask about the outlook. We charge 'Ieven dollars a week extry for that." — Chicago News. Cv • • "I believe you- have been secretly mar ried to young Mr. Noodle," cried the irate father. "How ridiculous!" replied his daughter. "Well." said her sire, "he used to come here at 8 o'clock and stay till 11:30, and now he doesn't get here until 9 . o'clock and leaves at 10:15." For the fourth time that week Mr. Gris com, the American Charge at .Constanti nople, rang the bell of the Yildlz palace. "13 the Sultan In?"' "He is. Who shall I say called?" "Mr. Griscom, with that little bill of Uncle Sam's." A pause then ensues. Then the voice of the Sultan Is heard from within. "la it ray faithful friend Griscom?" "It is, your Majesty," replies the flunkey. "Then," said the Sultan, gravely, "you must let Gris-come again. Ha, ha, ha! JI6. ho, ho! lie. he. he! Ain't that the best ever? Gris-come! Seer' "Wow.wow, wow!" roaded the delight ed flunkey. "That's the eleventh time he has work ed that moth-eaten old gag on me and I'm getting pretty blamed tired of the whole business," said the "unhappy Gris com, as he moodily stalked away —Cleve land Plain Dealer. ' WHERE THE PROFIT CAME IN. ETIQUETTE ON THE FIELD. SULTAN'S LITTLE JOKE. A CHANGED MAN. "It"« funny bow marriag-e changes a man," said Sprlggs" caller. "Yes," repMed Spriggs dreamily; "It used to be that I was devoted to baseball and football and basket tall, and now I give all roy spare time to baby's bawl," and he arose hurriedly and went into the adjoin ing room.— Detroit Free Press. •Henry," raid the woman who . had given her husband a" lovely combination ¦writing table and sewing machine on his birthday, "I hope you haven't forgotten to-morrow wilt be my birthday?" "No. dear." he replied. "I have bought you some cigars. The box will be useful to keep bobbins and buttons in." Phila delphia Press. HIS TURN. SUGGESTIONS. "We were horrified. "Gorilla warfare?" we gasped. "What should over put it into your heads to be come gorillas?" "Well, you see, the British had already made monkeys of us," said the Boer, who. If we mistake not, was a field cornet or something. We had it In "mind to allege a non sequitur, but refrained upon reflecting that these people are after ail more sinned against than sinning.—Detroit Journal. "Here/.'-Sfexclaimed the undersecretary, rushing in, wildly excited, "is another ca ble from China. It must be something important, because it's written in' cipher. Where's the code? Let's get it translated as soon as possible. At last the great mys tery may be cleared up." Then they worked over it for three hours, and finally the chief of the depart ment was called in to help. He looked at it hard for a few minutes and then said: "Put up the code. This is a list of the names of Russians ¦who were wounded in one of last week's engagements."—Chi cago Times-Herald. ALMOST CLEARED UP. "I want you to make for me a thou sand strong pocket-knives." said the Job ber. "Here's a good knife I ke«p In stock." replied the manufacturer. "I can give yoa a thousand at once. It has two good blades and a corckscrew." "Never do* This order Is for a prohibi tion State." "Well! Do you mean to say the cork screw is of no—" "I mean to say- the knife should have two corkscrews and one blade."—Phila delphia Press. ' — v< . "Most children." said the old schoolmas ter, "are very much like postage stamps." "indeed r* sali his friend. "Yes; they have to be licked to maka them stick to their letters."— Philadelphia Record. A HEARTLESS JIBE 6 The parrot was too . f righfened to talk, and the sergeant who was behind the desk in the East Fifth 'I street station at 9 o'clock that night 1 ' did 'not know how to decide the dispute between the crowd brought in by , Policeman. ,Goss.\ "Squawk," said the parrot. - ; "Shut up," said the sergeant.*" "It's my parrot," chimed 1 , in Lawyer John Palmieri, who lives at* 159 Second avenue. "I charge this- man standing here, William Kensley. with stealing the bird." "I didn't, steal.it," said Kensley, who works in a ! barber shop at 155 Second avenue. "The parrot flew into my shop just now and I put him In the towel closet tq ' find out .who' owned him. He landed: on the : head of a' man who was getting shaved.'/ " "He didn't,", said Palmieri. "He landed on a tree after he flew out of my mother's arms, andthe barber got him there." "He landed in my boss', shop," said the barber, "and when f I wouldn' t give him up Mr. Palmieri landed' on my eye. It is black "anu blue." • 'ObbJeobble," gobbled the parrot. " "How : did .it happen?" asked the ser geant, turning to- Policeman Goss. "I'll. tell you," began the lawyer. "I was — — " • "It was this way," interrupted the bar ber. "I-~" "Squawk!" shrieked the parrot, and the sergeant shouted: . "Keep quiet or I'll lock you all up." J.- -. "Well," said the* officer, "when I got there I found a big crowd in the mix-up in the barber shop, and the parrot was getting the worst of it. Then I interfered and brought them all here." "Core! Core!" sighed the parrot, with a long sigh on the" R." "Core!" "He said court," remarked the sergeant. "I guess the parrot is about right. Gen tlemen, clear out and settle the matter in court in the morning." — New York Sun. Joo Many Jalked-at Once, He had driven from a backwoods hamlet to the station, and after making an in quiry of the conductor boarded the train. When well on the way he stopped the blue-coated official and asked In all seri ousness: "I'm sorter hungry. Will you tell m» jest where the eatln' car is?' "There is none on this train," was tn« answer, "lt'a short ran does not require it.*:.. "Huh." grunted the questioner. "Wich of yer keers is the one that yer Jest loll around in an* turn and twist yer eheer any way ye please? Don't imagine that because I've never went railroadin* I don't know all about these things." "You probably mean the Pullman. We haven't any attached." "Well, fcu'stin' squashes! Were is yer cigar stand, so" a I can buy a weed an* Ughtin'up?" "We don't have such a thins, man." "An* ye've no place for me ter git my shoes shined, ter be surer* "No, sir." "Course I'd be crazy to think ye might have a barber shop aboard?" "We haven't any." The rural gentleman subjected the con ductor to a menacing scrutiny from head to foot and back again. Then he drawled out In an angry, olsappolnted tone of voice: "Well, sufferin* cornmeal. I thought y« said this wux an accommodation train 1" — Louisville Dispatch. (Jot on the Wrong Jra.n. THE SUNDAY CALL. A MAN OF SENSE. ¦ ">•.. 1|-. .: ¦ - -..,., ¦ - _-- ; TTncle Noah li©tt (-whose* wagon Is fast in the mud) —I guess I'll wait for dome poll Ucal * candy data * to com^'lony and rive me a boost. . . - .- . . . ... «._»_.'•»* -.¦*¦¦ ...¦-¦.¦- ' ' ¦ 5- - 1 " *«-..!.• -f" Mistress— Mandy, I understand you hare left your husband. Mandy— Yas'm; but he oughten ter kick — 1 done give him er week's noticn. "That," observed the duelist, after pink ing his adversary in a carefully bloodless