The San Francisco call. [volume], September 09, 1900, Image 7

About The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913

Image provided by: University of California, Riverside; Riverside, CA

                
VACATION'S DONE.
» ¦ ¦
"Confidentially," said the statesman, "I
wrote that plank In the platform.
"I congratulate you," said his friend;
heartily. "I read It over three times, and
I'xn blest If it commits the party to any
thlng!"-Puck. . -
A MASTERPIECE.
."Yes, we had Quite a blowout at our
house early this morning." "Peculiar
time for it." "Yes; the new hired girl
blew out the gas in the pas stove and
the gus blew out the side of the kitchen."
—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A DOUBLE BLOW.
"Don't you dare kiss me," she said,
waxningly.
"Why, I wasn't thinking of such a
thing," he said.
. "Well. -I was," she replied firmly. — An
•swers. "
MAKES A DIFFERENCE.
asked the office cat.
"I don't thijik I can," replied the clockr
"How about Tialf past 6, then?"
"Oh. I can make that, hands down."—
Philadelphia Press.
"Will you meet me here at 4 o'clock?"
ALWAYS MADE THAT WAY.
Willie — No, ma'am; but she elves me a
lickln' when I ain't. . • ¦
Visitor— Does your -mamma give you
anything for being- a good boy?
AN INCENTIVE
. Householder— IW you know I sometimes
think that gas meter cheats me?
Gasman — Well, what of it? Wouldn't
you cheat the meterlf you knew how to
do It?— Boston Transcript
VERY LIKELY.
"I am pretty tired to-night." com
plained the organ grinder's monkey. *
"I feel all played out myself," said the
organ.
THE DAILY GRIND,
Citizen— Dear me, how short < the years
get as a man grows older. -
Offlceseeker — Oh,, say, old man, you
ought to go Into politics.— Indianapolis
Journal. v
Judge—You were begging on the public
streets and yet you had $20 in your
pocket.
Prisoner —Yes, Jedge, I may not be as
industrious as some, y'r honor, but I'm no
spendthrift.—New York Weekly.
A LONG TIME BETWEEN ELEC
TIONS.
HIS REDEEMING QUALITY".
Ethel— Mamma, don't you think women
should know how to cook so that they
may be able to look after their husband's.
digestion when they marry?
Mamma— Certainly, dear.
Ethel— Mayn't I go to the kitchen, then,
and practice making butter scotch? —
Brooklyn I Aft.
Boss—I don't know whether to: dis
charge that new boy or raise his salary.
Manager—What has he been doing?
Boss—He rushed Into my private office
this morning and told me there was a
man downstairs who would like to see
me.
Manager—Who was it?
Boss—A blind man.—London Tit-Bits.
PREPARATORY.
SMART, BUT-.INDISCR.EKT.
•Vcbic on, Itootie: let's rush down the hill and trip 6p that old duffer!"
it." :. ' ' : . ; '"".¦ ¦ ¦ ':,
"But I want thd ribs for dinner. Dave
is coming now."
"For dinnerriT:::!
"Certainly. For dinner.".
"Madame, what : do you think this place
is?" '
.'The butcher's, of conrse."
"No, madame. this Is an umbrella facr
tory."— Chicago " News.
"Just to think!" said young Mrs. Tighe.
"Dave will be home In a few minutes and
there is nothing' to" eat in- the house. V 1
sent an order to" that butcher this morn-
Ing.--' How, stupid. some people are!"-
Then she went "out "In the hallway to
the telephone. 2 Connections were made
and a deep masculine voice called: s
Mrs. tiptoed and responded:.
'.'Where are- those ribsf '
"What ribsr^U, ; - ' - : ¦ .-¦.
"The ribs I ; ordered this morning." :
"Did order any ribs?"
' V Yes," . and . j ; ou promised to Bend them
in less than m hour. - Here ¦ it la _.';*¦ •
"Who Is tnlsT"
"Mrs. TIghe", 820 Indiana avenue." ¦".
"One moment, please, and I 'will: In
quire." -"''-. • '.'¦:
In. a few. moments he was back. * .
"Boss says he didn't receive any order
from you."
"He did. He took the order hlms.elf." ;
"Strange! r How many ribs was it, ma
-' "Seven or eight, I guess.".:
".. "Well, I don't know what to do about
different Kinds of Ribs.
T
PUTTING OFFDUK&
Ella— The gentleman who lodges above
appears very attentive to you.
Bella— Ah. yes ; I am even . engaged to
him. But yet I am tortured with doubt.
Would that I knew whether he loves me
for myself alone! "
Ella— But why In the world should he
marry you otherwise?
Bella-Well, to tell the troth, he owes
ray mother six months' rent.— St. Louis
Globe-Democrat.
THE LOVELY POTTER&
•The Potters have a new runabout."
**I should think those Potter girls were
til the runabouts they could stand."—
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
WELL SUPPLIED.
••Bredderin," remarked Deacon Dark
leleh, "some: ob de younp^h members ob
tbe congrregashun hab been makin" fun
ob de size ob ouah " belubbed pastoah's
feet I wants ter tell dem dat ouah pas
toah's Li strickly in accohd wif Solomon,
who said: *Wif all dy elttin*. pit ondah
standin"."—Baltimore American.
THE POET.
"Sir." said the Long Haired One Indig
nantly to the editor, "the poet is born."
"Oh. la her* retorted the editor. "Well,
Fn darned sorry he is. But this Isn't the
place where they take In the birth no
tices. You go on downstairs to the busi
ness office."— Detroit Free Press.
"By ram! Every thing does come to the man who waits!"
THE SUNDAY CALL.
DOING THK SPLIT
Back from tft^ farms and hills and dales.
Back from the valleys and back from the vales.
Back to school and the comrades there.
Back to the playground's noise and glare. .
Come the children, bronzed. and tanned,
Back from the surf and the ocean strand;
Books are open— school's begun.
Work bard now— vacation's done.
'Away we go!"
"Great hambone! What are we up against?"