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MR. DOODLEY HAS HIS SAY ABOUT THE SIMPLE LIFE w » y ELL, Charles Wag (£ £ N& /% / " Cr haS been hav ' n * J"»- over here," said Mr. Dooley. "Is that th' man that wrote th' music?" aiked Mr. Hennessy. "No," said Mr. Dooley: "that was Cal. This is Charles Wagner an" he's th' author iy th' two hundherd thousandth book that Prisidint Rosenfelt has read since th' first iv Xovimber. Tis called 'Th' Simple Life.' He cudden't find it in France, so he come lookin* f'r it among th' simple an* pasthral people in this counthrv. He found it. He come over m a large but simple ship iv twinty thousan' simple horsepower an' land ed in th" simple village iv New York, where he was met be a comity iv simple little vil lage lads an' lasses an' escorted to th' sim ple Waldorf an' installed in a room simply decorated in purple plush. That avenin' he BEAUTIFUL HOMES IN SLUMDOM PRKSIDKXT BALIJN'GTOX BOOTH. Sr-/*^. EAUTIFUL homes', in f\\***O slumdom ! : '.Verily, this \ ll L^\ seems a'-paradox. illy One :isV at' once C\ iJIf^^y* terB P te^ tp-.ask; "Can Vl^*" ~* > * th'erc '; #*bc anything beautiful in .slumdom ? Amid wretchedness. isaualor and oov- attinded a meetin' iv th' Fifth Av'rioo Fe male Simplicity Club. . : A lady wearin' a collar iv dimon's whose value was simply fabulous recited passages? fr'm 'Th' Simple Life.' Afther this a 'simple- supper iv ter rapin' an' champagne was sarved. He thin took a simple Pullman thrain to Wash'nton, where he attinded a rayciption at which: a lady iv th' diplomatic core, which is all that is left iv diplomacy nowadays, poked th' wife iv a Congressman with, a lorgnette f'r goin' into supper ahead iv her. Later he was rayceived be th' simple Prisidint, who said to him: 'Chas.*, he says, 'I've been preachin' ye'er book to me counthrymen,' he says. 'Simplicity an' a sthrong navy is th' watchword iv this administration,' he "Since thin Chas. has been whoopin' up th' simple life. They've showed him ivry thing simple we have. He's seen th' sub way, the dhrainage canal, the Stock Ex change, Tom Lawson, Jawn D. Rockefellar an' Mrsi Chadwick. . He's looped th' loops, shot th' shoots, had a ride in a pathrol wag on, played th' races an' met Dave Hill. Th* las' seen iv him he was climbin* into a pri vate car in a fur-lined coat an' a plug hat- Whin he goes home to his simple life in Paris he's goin' to have a ticker put in his study. He is undhershtud to favor sellin' copper on bulges. "I haven't read his book, but Hogan says it's a good wan an' I'm goin' to read it afther I've' read th' Bible an' Emerson, which Mike Ahearn ricommended to me th' year iv th' big fire. Th' idee is that no matther what ye ar-re, ye must be simple. If ye're rich, be simply rich; if. ye're poor, be simply poor; if ye're nayether, be naye ther, but be simple about it. Ye don't have to be gin'rous to be simple. He makes % a sthrong pint iv that. (Regards to Russell Sage.) It isn't nicissry to open ye'er purse, says Chas. If ye're a miser, be a simple miser. It ain't issintial to be poor to be simple. A poor man walkin' th' sthree"t is far less simple thin a rich man lollin' back in his carriage an' figurin' out simple in threst on his cuff. Th' poor man is envious iv th' rich man, but th' rich man is not en vious iv th' poor man. If ye're a flower. says he, be a flower; if ye're a bur-rd, be a bur-rd; if a horse, .'a horse; if a mule, a mule; if a humin'. bur-rd. a humin' bur-rd;, ■WRITTEN. -FOft ■ THE. \CALL-BY BALLINQTON -BOOTH, • .'; ; PresMeot VoImM^ erty, can there be beauty?" . Yes, there are characters and dispositions, scenes and sounds that are truly beau tiful—that glitter, amid the - darkness like stars in the deep ; vault of 'the sky. Along the shores of soiled hu manity, amid the debris and driftwood uonn th» tiJeiina. nm finds here 2nd THE SAN FRANCISCO CALI^ SUNDAY^DECEMBER^IS, X904. WRITTEN FOR THE CALL BY f. P. DUNNE SIMPLE LIFE IN FRANCE? NO. THAT'S WHY AUTHOR VflGNER CAflE ; HERE AND FOUND IT. ( ( THIS is Chas Wa.oner an' he-s, th ' author iv th' A iico hiiridh^rd jhqiisandth booh that Prisidijit Rosnifelt has reycl since, il^^ftrst iv Noyimber.x 'Tis^calied'Tli'^ cudden't find it in France so he come looking f'r it among the simple an' pas hral people iv this cowiitlir:;.','I£e found it. ''Since thin Chas has-been whoopin' up th' simple life. > They've showed him "dyrythind simple we have. He's seen th ' * ubiva y, th' dhrainage canal, th' stock exchange, Tom Lawson, Jawn D.' Rocliefellar an' Mrs. Chadwick. He's looped th' [loop, shot th' shoots, had a ride in a p'lylhrol wagon, [played th' races an' met Dav3 Hill. Th' last sfeniv.him he was climbin' into a private car in a fur-lined coat an' a wilug hat. Whin he goes home to his simp' e life in Paris he's $oin } to have a ticker put in ; liis study. He is undher studio 1 avor ' sellin 'copper * on bulges. "I haven't read' his book, but Hogan says it's a good wan, an' I'm £o\ri 'to read it afther l'v* read h' Bible an' Emerson,' which Mike Ahearn ricom mended to me th' year iv th' big fire. "Th' idee is that, no matther what ye ar-re, ye must be-yS mple. If ye're rich, be simply rich ; if ye're poor, be dimply poor ; if ye' r 3 nayether, be Jicti/fther, but be simple about it. Ye don't have to be gin'rous to be simple- He inah( s a slrong pint iv that. (Re gards to Russell Sige.) "Always be simple, bs it aver so complex." always be simple, be it iver so complex. "Th' only. thing Hogan an' I can't make out fr'm th' book is what is simplicity. I may be a simpleton, Hinnissy, but I don't know. Father Tom Burke was forty years writin' a book .on 'simplicity'., zn\. he, riivcr there transparent natures, sweet spir its and exemplary lives that would adorn any society, and which make up the beautiful in slumdom. There, where least expected, where least encouraged, is the patience sub lime, the faith divine and the sacrifice heroic. These are the more precious and commendable because found where so much would thwart the growth of the truer, nobler nature. Should it not be infinitely more easy to be patient when one never knows the qualms of hunger than, in . an abode where are huddled together famine-stricken children? Should it not be less difficult to bear the bur den of bereavement ' where friends surround one with comforting voice and assurances than where one stands alone With no human friend, and only the harsh utterances , of those to whom you have become a "nuisance." If the jewel is to be valued by its intrinsic worth, then jt little matters whether it lies in: the gutter or in the case of the jeweler's window. Homes that are beautiful! Made beautiful how? . ■ Made beautiful by winsome and in nocent childhood. - It is perhaps \ no exaggeration to say that some of the most beautiful children we have ever seen have been among the lower - ele ments of society. Remove from those abodes, which poor, patient people re gard as homes, the two, three or four, bright, cherub-faced, merry children, and you at once remove the possibil ity of all home life and the last home joy from its cup, leaving only the bit terness of the dregs of sorrow, drud-; gery and despair. > ' Standing tipon the threshold of an Italians quarters in a tenement dis trict ; of a large city, I asked a : poor/ frail ,wom'ah how much she received weekly toward the "support of her home. v "Four and a half dollars," she replied! ' ''and ', two and a •- half dollars Copyright,. 1904, by McGlure, Phillips Jk> Go: Copyright, 1904, by The San Francisco Call. has to be paid to the landlord, leaving me only two dollars to support the children with." " There were but a few articles of furniture, bare walls, no carpet on the floor, yet their room was clean and orderly. After telling us some thing of the weary grind to earn- the small pittance that kept thejr home together, she turned to remark, "The children are the best of all I have, sir. I do not know what I should do without . the children." It needed bnly v a glance at the faces of those little children, clear, in nocent and pretty, to Know something of their worth to that Italian mother. In my mind's eye I pictured them dressed in the goodly apparel ' of some of the: wealthy of our illustrious ave nues, and; a more charming picture it would be difficult tojmagine. One of the little ones taken to one of. our children's homes from one of the worst i neighborhoods', in the city proved'to be so sweet a dispositioned and obedient child that it was a won der to all how so beautiful a girl could have come from such a miser able'.environment. It may - be .said that these are exceptions. We do not claim for the -. child of the darker sec tions of 'the twentieth century city spotless and • perfect lives, any more than we would claim the ! same for the ; better-to-do sections, v but we\db claim that there are many whose win some manners and sweet dispositions have adorned and made the home, however small and poor,',the abodeof brightness and joy. . \ Homes made beautiful in slumdom! Yes, by true motherhood. Let it not for one ' moment ' be' thought that, because . there is the bit terness of * poverty and the pinth . of hunger, and what is perhaps even .worse,- the. prospect of a future 'strug gle to keep the' bodies and souls of the little familyr together, that . the ■ moth ers Unsliimdom "are not; as thoufihtful got beyond th' first sintince, which was: 'It is simply impossible to define simplicity.' It ain't simple to be poor, it ain't simple to be without clothes/ it ain't' simple to.be pious or sober. 'Ye're pretty simple to believe all I tell ye, but ye may not. be as simple as I for their children, and as patient in rearing them as those among the bet ter and wealthier classes. "> Indeed, it will be found that in -some instances there • is more personal care 'and pa tience bestowed upon the little ones in the garret and amid the misery of the tenements than' in the drawing room or - library of the < palatial home. A lady who was making a visit to a home in one of the worst sections of one of our large cities asked how it was that the little 'children were all so well mannered arid implicitly.obe dient, and the answer was that the mother was in every sense of ■. the word a guardian and protector, and that, during the few hours which she- could give them . when they were not . at ..the public ' school, she would gather them around her knee and, summoning all her remaining strength and tired thought, •Arould relate to them little incidents calculated to impress upon the child mind and the child-heart the principles that 'should guide them in after- life. What are luxuriant • ease, accumu lated wealth, gorgeous furniture and rich apparel in comparison with the interests of a true mother, and what is home, aye, what is any abode where motherhood is unknown? •' ■ -Beautiful homes in slumdom? Yes, made so. through patience. This gift; has been said to be the touchstone of all the graces. "If there is : one place above another where its true strength has been tested, surely it is amid the ceaseless toil, "depressing atmosphere arid the forlorn outlook of the life of . slumdom. ; Many \ an^over tired watcher at the sick bed, many a stooping form over the drudgery ■ of the ; needle, many a silent :spectator :6f the loss of- all that: is hear 'and* tiear,' have given more eloquent testimony of this ; trait of character than can .per haps be found in any other station of Think of the patience that '■ enabled think an' hope. A lie may be as simple as th' thruth. Th' fact iv; th' matther is. that th' rale thruth is niver simple. What we call thruth an' pass around fr'm hand to hand is only a kind iv a currency that we use for convanience. There, are* a !'. good manny counterfeiters an' a lot iv th' coun terfeits mus' be in circulation. I haven't anny question that I take in manny iv thim over me intellechool bar ivry day an' piss out not a few. Some iv th' counterfeits has as much precious metal in thim as th' rale goods, only they don't bear th' Govermint stamp. "What th' divvle is simplicity k annyhow? Simple is a foolish wurrud whin ye come to think it over. Simple, simple, simple. It's a kind iv a mixture iv silly an' dimple. I don't know how to go about bein' simple. Th' Lord didn't make me that way. I can imagine simplicity, but I can't just put me hand on it. No more can Chas. Wagner. Tell me, Chas., how to lead th' simple life. Tell me, Thaydore iRosenfclt, simple soul, what I must do. I'll go'as far as ye like. Hand out th'_rayceipt. I'll make mesilf a simple man if I have to bake in a Jlow oven to do it. What'll J do? Throw away th' superflooties, says Hogan, out iv Chas., his ■book. But what ar-re th' superflooties? I'll turn out th' ilicthric light, shut off th' fur nace an' desthroy th'cash raygister.be which complex macheen I keep mesilf fr'm robbin' mesilf. But am I anny more simple be cause I'm holdin' out on mesilf with frozen fingers be a tallow dip? Was th' wurruld iveranny more simple thin it is to-day? I doubt it. I bet ye there was a good dale iv talk about Adam an' Eve dhressin' ostenta .tiously an' havin' th' King iv Beljium's an cesthor to supper with thim. Hogan. was readin' me out iv a book th' other day about th', simple fathers iv th' counthry. It was a tur-rble shock to. me. This fellow says that Robert Morris, who I supposed sacrificed his fortune f'r liberty, injooced th' Governmint to pay good money f'r bad; Jawn Adams wanted to make a kingdom iv th' counthry;, while as f'r George Wash'n ton, he acted like a coal-oil Jawnny whin he wint to th' White House., an' his wife put on insuff'rable airs, an' had such bad table 'manners that this here pathrite was com pelled to leave th' room an'- run home to a woman to watch over an invalid father and sick little girl where life was slowly ebbing away and sitting during the silent watches of the night ministering to their physical needs, to stand in. weariness of body and mind many consecutive hours during the day at a hard and thankless task as the bread winner of the family. Could life exist long under such circum stances? 'One thing is sufe, that while life lingered and, strength held out the element of patience burned upon the altar of that heart. Weary, weary hours, weary, weary nights and days spent in the two little rooms which were home to this woman, until death came as a benefactor and removed one- from its midst, and then remained but; the little', child. \ . .You say "not such a burden to pro vide for!" Ah, but there was the funeral and the expense and the strag gle to "catch up," and that meant fur ther sacrifice and a still greater exhibi tion of that patience which was little less than divine. Yet this home was beautiful, beautiful in the eyes of God and beautiful in the eyes of angels if viewed from t the. standpoint of one who said, "Bear ye one another's bur dens." Beautiful homes in slumdom^ Yes, made beautiful through sacrifice. 'It has become fashionable at some time of the year^o take part- in some sacrifice and self-denial, but in the great, sad - heart of slumdom there is a perpetual Lenten season, and life is little better than pne unbroken act of self-denial. There are many things | which the bread-winner could wish to have .that would make life. a little smoother, and the humble home more durable, things that are necessary to relieve pain, keep -out the cold and satisfy- the - cravings of ' hunger, but thelittle has to suffice in. the place of the much, and the half loaf in place of the xwhole one. Instead of the luxury of self-satisfaction, there-is the pinch of I self-abnegation.' if a polecat, a polecat; if a man, a man. But put it down in his diary. "An' there ye ar-re. Th' more I think, th' less simple simplicity becomes. Says Wag ner, via Hogan. a man shud be like a lamp an' th' more light he sheds th' betther man he is. That's th' throuble with ivrybo.dy that thrics to advise me to be something I ain't. Whin I run him into a corner an* say, 'Come on now an' make good, show me th' way.' he tells me I'm a lamp, or a three, or a snowflake blown be th' winds, or a. bur-rd in a gilded cage, or 'a paint brush, or a ship, or something else. But says I: "'I'm none iv these fine thing3. I'm a kind iv a man an' I'm not mintioned in th' botany or th' mail ordher list. Tell me what I must do.' An' he looks me in th* eye an' says he: 'Be a man.' An* there ye ar-re. If a man's a lamp, it's because he smokes, don't show up well in th' sunlight an' will wan day be blown out. There ar-re other simple uses f'r lamps besides givin* light, which is wan iv th' poorest thirig3 they do nowadays. Rothschild thrades in thim, th' German Impror thinks they ar-re only useful to throw at his inimies. an' my 1 business is to fill thim with karosene. "No, sir, they ain't anny simple life. There's only life. It's a kind iv an obstacle race. Sinnin', repintin', sinnin', repintin'. Some can jump high; some can't jump at all. Thim that jump highest have farthest to fall. Those that go farthest are ruled off f r foulin'. A man's no more thin a man an' he has as manny things in him. anny wan iv thim liable to go wrong without a moriient's notice, as all th' injines; tools, lamps an' other hardware figures iv speech in a prize pome. He has to make his clumsy repairs while undher full headway. Lucky man if he staggers into port without havin* caused too manny shipwrecks on th* way Over. It isn't th' most succissful passage that has caused th' most shipwrecks. 'Ye see, Hinnissy, I'm a kind iv a Chas. Wagner mcsilf, only betther. He gets his out iv a Fr-rench head an' I got mine out iv th' third reader that a little boy "left in here who come f'r a pint iv simple refrishment f'r his father's complex thirst." "I don't think ye know such a lot bout it," said Mr. Hennessy. "I know more about th' sample life," said Beautiful homes in slumdom? Yes, made beautiful through courage. Not on the battlefield alone, amid the whistling of shot, the gleam of bayonet and the roar of cannon is courage to.be witnessed. Often have we thought that could the field of war be changed and the r.eld of loneliness and poverty in the slums be substi tuted, the courage exhibited by the soldier would stand a slim chance in comparison with that of the hero of tne 'slums. In the heart of the tenement dis trict of Twelfth street. New York City, a little boy not more than 8 years of age was found by the Vol unteers, who presented the truest type of heroism. His mother and four brothers had been deserted by ths father of the family. Shortly after his mother was taken very side and lin gered at the peint .of death. One awful night, rjin-swept and wind driven, the child rose at the moans of his mother a«d went out to try to find the house a! a wotaan who had acted as nurse for several nights. Bat the tenement door was locked, and not being able to make himself heard the little fellow paced up and" down the sidewalk until 6 o'clock in ' the morning. Who can estimate the an guish that filled that boy's mind? As soon as the woman was reached at day dawn the question that filled the little hero's • thoughts were food for the starving family, and when this was obtained from the Volnnteeri,to whom he turned, the little fellow would not touch a mouthful until his mother and four brothers were fed. Heroism! Ah, that is not always the truest heroism that may be called upon suddenly to face danger; there is even a higher type; that which con tinues day in and day out, through the long, lone, unrelenting years, with standing the strain to heart and brain and nerve, the constant suffering of pain, and all this, even of tea in the face of inevitable fill art. j ' 35