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• THE SAN FRANCISCO CALL JOHN D. SPRECKELS ..Proprietor ADDKESS ALL COMMUNICATIONS TO JOHN McN'AUGIIT ••••_•_• IV-i:: '" ' Manager 3TBLICATIOX OFFICE. THIRD AND MARKET STREETS, SAN FRANCISCO MONDAY DECEMBER 25, 1905 THE CHEER OF CHRISTMAS. OTHER holidays get perverted. The Fourth of July is not always consecrated to patriotism, nor Decoration day to solemn reflection and ascription to the, heroic dead." Even the weekly Sabbath holiday is grotesquely wrenched from its pur pose and made the occasion of unseemly indulgence and often riot. But Christmas is the day of cheer. It is still the Merry Christmas of all lands where it is kept. In its bright atmosphere of good cheer and • good will the sorrowing forget their woes, the dis couraged their despair, the tired their weariness and the weak their stumbling. It brings into its illumination all the sentiment that is around the lengthening da}'. The winter solstice is over. The shadow that has been. upon morning and evening is shortening and the blessed light is longer upon the earth. Where the snow lies and plant life is locked in frost there is the promise of a resurrection in which men shall be made glad again by the sight of the green ihings growing, and throughout the physical environment there is the promise of spring and summer to come, with their renewal of iife and their seed time and harvest. It is proper that this air of cheer and hope shall be associated, as it is, with the great promises of spiritual renewal that were made by the man of Nazareth, which teach that man is never to despair nor be without hope. If the shadows are upon him there is a moral winter solstice that he may pass into a longer day and more in spiring light, if he will. At this season no one is outlawed from that cheer which belongs to the day. The purse strings of the rich are cut by human sympathy and the man is rarely known who can take cheer him self without having it heightened by the knowledge that all the world is cheerful with him. Men find their own pleasures made more enjoyable by what they have done to bring pleasure to others, and so there is a great companionship that fellowships all classes and conditions with each other and makes the day a merry Christ mas. It is a day of peace on earth and good will toward men. Americans observe it to-day with especial grace and fervor because their country has been instrumental in making peace and stopping the most fearful war of all the ages. Wherever the day is observed in its fullness and spirit the thoughts of men turn to this republic and see over its name the Christian legend, "Blessed are the peace makers.*' May we always deserve the ascription to which our Presi dent has given us title. The holiday season finds our land favored with plenty and peace and in a spirit of good will to all the world. May it never break the peace of God among men, but. remain the world's peacemaker rather than the world's peacebreaker. We Californians are far separated from our kin and country men. Deserts and mountains divide us from them, and while the brief but lengthening day is here saluted at its beginning by the incense of flowers that bloom unsmitten by winter they are shiver ing in the blast and cold, yet the day's cheer is upon all. In the abundance of our good feeling we wish that all the world were here, or that upon it were the same winterless bloom that garlands our Christmas and the balm that makes even poverty lighter and hardship less and the day's cheer brighter. May friends and families everywhere greet and hail in the spirit of the day and its greater lessons nowhere be forgotten in the material enjoyment and social joys that so become it. POSSIBLE ECONOMY OF INSURANCE. WORKINGMEN'S # insurance has been adopted as a part of their business system by seventy American corporations, all* of which are highly pleased with the results. Four hundred more are seriously considering putting such a plan in operation. The immense and extravagant expense accounts of our insurance companies, if not promptly reduced, will probably foster the growth of such method of insurance. To what -a large extent retrenching of the cost of this protection is possible is forcibly brought out in a paper written by Frank A. Vanderlip, formerly assistant Secretary of the Treasury under Gage, and now vice president of the National City Bank of New York? In his article, which is published in the North American Review, he points out that the expense of administration of workingmen's insurance in Germany is only g per cent. The introduction of the German system into this country is not advocated by Vanderlip, but he believes the study of it would be very useful to us for the purpose of getting suggestions of im provement of our methods. Perhaps the chief thing for us to con sider is the astonishingly small cost of German administration. That small expense is not only astonishing when considered by itself, but it makes appear absurdly unreasonable the comparative extravagance of the expense accounts of American insurance. It will be remembered that recent investigation showed that in one of our big companies, making a specialty of industrial insurance, the expense of administration actually exceeded the amount of benefits returned to the people. Surely the American figures, when confronted with the German evidence of what is honestly practi cable, give proof of one or two alternatives — either a most greedy selfishness on the part of the controllers, or an unpardonable lack of financial ability to manage affairs of such great importance to the laboring people's welfare. A slight difference might be tole rated, but the enormity of the extent of an expense of over ioo per cent when 9 per cent has been proved a possibility jrf economic administration is enough to justify the struggling American work ers to make an outcry for a better showing of returns for the hard earned savings they invest in insurance. In making his study Vanderlip held a very extensive cor respondence with firms and corporations both in Germany and in this country. The Germans, while pleased with their own system, did not advise it for America, as they thought we were* naturally too individualistic to be suited by their method of semi-governr mental insurance. The American correspondence showed that the corporations which had adopted some plan of insuring their em ployes found it desirable, not merely from philanthropic considera tions, but as an enlightened business policy, -inducing permanency of employes, raising the standard of work and workmen, and pre venting the waste of energy and savings in side speculations by which the workmen otherwise seek to provide for old age or illness. , THE PRESS OF THE NATION. A magarine article by Mr. Zimmerman, giving full- particulars of the little scheme by which he put J. Pierpont Morgan $6,000,000 to the bad, would be sure of ready acceptance at his own price. — Chicago Tribune. Among the tremendous possibilities of future wars is that there is likely to be a regiment of rough riders composed exclusively of name sakes of Colonel Theodore Roosevelt. — Chicago Tribune. One of the best purifiers is whitewash. It is good for anything from a damp cellar to a tainted politician or an insurance grafter.— New York Press. . _ By abolishing free transportation the railroads will' sidetrack some politicians who are , deadheads in more than one sense.— Baltimore. Sun. PA stranger might imagine that the red flag was the national standard Russia just now. — New York Evening Sun. It is easier to be rich than to be happy; but nobody ever got any satis faction out of that thought. — New York Press. ;THE SAN^FRANCISCO GALL; MONDAY,;; DECEMBER 25, iflOo, OUR TRIUMPH OVER OLGA A Little Story of the Christmas Spirit J POISED my pencil above our Christ mas list. "Well," I queried, "what shall we give to Olga?" - The young and beautiful and be- i witching partner of my poverty clicked her teeth together and thought about it. V "Well," she said slowly, "it seems to me that we might give her handker chiefs." I wrote it down. "Handkerchiefs;" I repeated genially, as If it were a settled thing. "What do you thing about it?" con tinued the missus, trying to involve me j in an argument. I "I think handkerchiefs," I answered. \ "And,'' concluded she, "a box of writ ing paper." _• "The very thing." I joyfully assented. And I scribbled it down at once. "You can give her the -writing pa- i per.". announced the. head of the house finally, "and I shall give her the hand kerchiefs." " : ' . ' "The best possible arrangement tnat could be made," I murmured. This was some four Christmases ago. Olga, our proposed donee, was worthy of our gifts. We had run across her the summer before in Hungary. There she was doing the work of four girls for the princely price of two dollars and a half per month. We brought her to America and paid her ten. Prior to that, out of our limited Income, we had been paying twenty. But now the arrangement was highly satisfactory. Olga was richer and so were we; we saved ten dollars every month and our Mercedes did not seem quite so far away, after all. Olga was grateful and very satisfactory. And If our faces beamed with ,the Christmas spirit when I gave her the writing, pa per and Molly gave her the handker chiefs I am quite sure that hers beamed also; she must have felt that it was, indeed, more blessed to receive than. to give. | ; "Jah,", she cried; "but I should write so many letters! I should wipe ; mine nose so many times! Jah. soch a moch to. eeef .roe!" .. Molly's mother and father came around and my : father and mother came around, and my aunts and Molly's aunts, and Molly's friends and ;my friends, and to all of them Olga glee fully exhibited her Christmas favors. - "Zee," she cried, "I should blow mine nose like dees!" And she suited the action to the word. "Olga's very noisy with her toys," said Molly's father after this perform ance. OLGA'S FIRST GIFTS. ' Well, that was our first Christmas with Olga and the . handkerchiefs and paper and our gifts were ;the only gifts that she received on that occa sion, but as time went ;on Olga en deared herself to all our relatives. "Such a» good girl !" they would cry, while Molly and I dwelt upon her merits. Virtue Is not always its sole reward. The following Christmas we kept up the cus tom, of making presents to our Hungarian honey, as we called her. • This time we arranged Olga's gifts after this fashion: Molly presented writing paper. I presented handkerchiefs. "It is very nice," Olga said soberly when we handed f out the goods. She paused a bit uncertainly. V -\u25a0, "Some .day," she : said, brightening . up, "maybe for Chreestmas some one geef me dollar. So— " . . She was interrupted jby the advent , of Molly's parents. They were loaded down with presents. , The ; first ' thing (they .did was to charge down upon Olga. s ~ "Olga,'.' said Molly's mother, "you , were so delighted . last year at what you got that I have brought you this." She passed over abox. Molly's father, -with the em barrassment \ under '; which ,; man ,' labors when he I gives • away presents that his wife has bought, \ produced another box. He thrust ithastily into Olga's hands.- , "M'ry Christmas," he- mumbled,,, and backed out. I, heard Olga breathe softly to herself. . \u0084/\u25a0' ; . "Maybe it should be a dollar," she was whispering. ; But : she '} was mistaken. ; Mol ly's : father, had brought her: a . fine box of writing paper— more box ; than pap~er, by the .way ; ' and ': Molly^s "\u25a0" mother. . had. shed some handkerchiefs upon^ her ""', like a Christmas benediction. .". : Olga accepted these ; blessings silently. Just as \u25a0it was all over. my. father i and '\u25a0 mother ; turned up." Olga, thinking that , she saw; dollars In their beaming faces,; turned expectant ly to them.". , But they ; had come empty handed bo ' far,; as \u25a0 Olga ; was ; concerned. And so had my aunts,* it seemed.": : "Next Christmas," •though,'.',^ ,they . told us, "we will V give | Olga\ something, j too." But Christmas - and the Christmas holi days were / not \ yet : . over. ; and Olga ; was determined ; to Instill Into us a 'few card inal precepts.' ',> -. '/ '.'That ' girl nex'^door," 'she' 'advised us at dinner, s "she • get • all of ; feef ty -' cent Yoost tlnk." % OLGA V TALKS OP, MONEY. We .thought. l/.Olga; did ; the talking "An.V she continued,"; gently,' "odder. fiirl. WILLIAM HAMILTON OSBORNE dees side, get seefnty-fife, jah." This was but the beginning. Olga was no short sport. All through the year she- pleaded with us for our conversion, as a far. off missionary might with a refractory Hot tentot. And finally the third , Christmas came around. . "We'll have to give her money" I whis pered to my better half. "Nothing of the sort" bridled she; "it will only spoil 'her. What we give her is plenty good enough." "What is it to be this time?" I asked. "The same," said Molly. "No," I cried, "we'd better not. Some one else will be doing the same thing. Remember last year." ' "It is last year that. l'm remembering," she answered, "and that's just the rea son why. The others remember, too. And this .time nobody will give her paper and handkerchiefs. 'And we're going to. They are' nice presents, arid Olga uses them. Sh£ : writes a "good deal." , "That's true," I assented, "and she; blows a Jot. too. , Well. 'let it. go." ' i It went! But on this third Christmas, in I order not to evoke any unusual, discussion I with Olga as to the propriety, of financial offerings, we agreed that we would wait until Molly's parents " and mine and my aunts should all get In, and then that all the presents should be handed to Olga' at once, in bewildering array. We waited. ! We put ours - "on a chair and arranged ! that the others should go on top of them. i It was to be Olga's little Christmas pile. "Well, said Molly's mother, coming In, "I just knew that no. one would be giving Olga handkerchiefs and paper after our mistake of last year, so we just brought them along this time again, so that poor Olga would riot miss the gifts she likes so much." They laid their presents on the chair. Then my mother and father ar rived. : * "After the double-up that occurred last Christmas," they announced, "we thought — " They laid handkerchiefs and paper "on the chair. My aunts came in. .* . •\u25a0 "Did you bring handkerchiefs and paper for Olga?" I genially inquired. "Yes," they answered doubtfully, "did anybody else?" . . "Thank heaven!" cried Mollle and myself, throwing our youthful figures into ecstasy of delight; "Olga will have at least one box of paper and one box of handkerchiefs. We were . so afraid," we added, "that she wouldn't." ANGER SEIZES OLGA. Olga was brought in.. She set to work upon her little pile. May be dol lars," 1 heard her whisper. For she had labored -with us for so long. At the end of three minutes I saw her, out of the corner of my eye, turn swiftly, and walk stiffly back into the kitchen,, empty handed. I could hear her, through closed doors, slowly, j but de-. terniinedly, tearing the furniture apart. Back in the room. where we were pan demonium reigned. for a short space of time. | Our guests glanced upon : the "< chair. "Why. did you give her — " ventured "Why— 'why — " gasped , another. "Why—" feebly:said a third. ','There are enough letter, sheets here," said my father, "for fifty breach of promise cases." ' "There are enough handkerchiefs," said Molly's parent, going him one bet ter, "for one good : cold in. the: head." Well, we left them on the chair. There was nothlngelse to do. "Olga will come and get them after : a while," Molly ex plained. \u25a0 j '- ; \u25a0 \u25a0.-.' v But Olga did not come and. get them. She left them there all that day, all that week: Finally-; Molly -. took the initiative and carried .them, ... chair . and \ all, Into Olga's bedroom . while V; Olga ',was :•\u25a0•: down stairs In the kitchenJHThis broke Olga's inactivity into, little bits ;of pieces. One evening I : came hotrie arid : tried to . ope n my; bureau drawer , to get - a necktie. < It would not open. ' "What's the matter with' this drawer?". I cried. Just then it came open, with; a rush. ' Inside I found - my?! tie, yes, ; arid other things besides. -What?. Well, for instance, four .boxes of .1 variegated writ- Ing paper ; ; yes, ', and f our i boxes of new handkerchiefs. .\u25a0 \ .',.-. r* "Molly,'; , l* called weakly. . Molly came. She rushed to Olga. V "Olga,'" she asked, "why did you do this?" '- \u25a0:• \u25a0 \u25a0\u25a0; .:.-;\u25a0•' \u25a0;'- .-V^ TIRES OF THE ; MEASLY PAPER. Olga sniffed, : I ' was '}_ informed. \u25a0. "I ; don't want -i no measly paper," '< she ; replied, In troducing : an . Americanism V into C her speech." ,"I * don't -waritt no two-f er > hand kerchiefs,*.-' i another ' bit ; of \u25a0\u25a0 colloquialism. She ; smashed \ theltable } with . her Hunga-" rlan hand. "I should haye 1 only dollars i for my-Chreestmas/you zee!"/ Lv ..Her,", argument ; was; \ unanswerable. . 1 1 think . Molly} was actually! impressed.; For Molly came'? back : to me with doubt shin ing: in her eyes. ' . / " ; ; "."Really,"; Bhe whispered,' "we^ must: give herimoney^ next year. ..I'm , sure she .talks about/ vs (i to ; the neighbors ? now." - 1 ' don't see swhat "else "iWe_can *do:next year.V "I took ; Molly f by^thVphouideraJ^VMolly." I said, "heretofore you've had your say about Christmas presents, haven't you? Well, now, I'll tell, you something. I'll dictate the terms of peace. Next Christ mas I'm going to arrange our presents to Olga, the presents of your parents to Olga, the presents of my parents to Olga, the \u25a0 presents of my aunts to Olga. You watch and see." . . . It was fortunate for us that Olga was not popular with the surrounding ser vants. Most of them were Irish. If Olga could hava really mixed in .she would have been spoiled for. us as a servant. But they said little to her and she said little to them, and her information as to Christmas presents was gathered from their Christmas shouts across the lawns. Olga was a; good servant to us, and I be lieve that she was attached Jo us, for her only grumbling time was Christmas time. I made up my mind, however, that she had grumbled once too often. When I- Issued : my ultimatum referred to "above Molly smiled. "What axe we all to give Olga next year?" she-queried. I lit a cigar. "Handkerchiefs," I snort ed; ."writing paper— that's what. You wait and see." ' And the fourth Christmas came in time. And,, under my leadership, my attacking forces gathered in our little drawing room. Each was provided with ammuni tion adequate for all purposes. "Call Olga," I commanded, much as an other man might say, "Shoulder— humph."' Olga . was called with military precision. We advanced upon her in double quick time. ''Olga," we shouted deliriously, hold ing out before us our wrapped up boxes that we carried, "here, merry Christ mas! Happy New Year! Hooray." ; Olga looked. She turned up her nose In disdain. "You meannesses," she cried, "to treat a poor girl like this. I will not take none of them presents. Hendkchefs," she exploded, "writin' pepper. Bah." I stepped up ahead of the ranks. "Do I understand,. Olga," I said coldly, "that you refuse these presents that we of fer you?" SPURXS THE PRESENTS. "I ref-f-f-f-use 'em," she assented. "I sp-p-pit upon 'em." "Very well." I answered. I turned to Molly's '• father. : "Mr. Kriss Kingle," I cried to him, "unlimber; open up that box." . He opened it. In it there was noth ing; that is, nothing much. Only a dol lar bill; that's all. I seized it. "I accept the gift that Olga spurns," I said. I made a signal with my hand and suddenly all the boxes opened. Alas, they were all innocent of paper and handkerchiefs. -Three of them con tained cheap, common,, ordinary one dollar bills, as had the first one. Two of them contained marked down two dollar silver certificates. - Then I opened mine. Mine was the' limit. It contained one of the most disreputable five-dollar notes that I have ever seen. I think : probably a dozen people had been "carrying it about in their pockets for weeks and month. > I looked ' at Olga. For minutes she was paralyzed. Then she snivelled and heldouther hand. ''I'll take the. presents," she remarked. I , waved my hand. . "Not one cent of Indemnity," I an swered, "and we won't even buy.a.half of Saghalian, Olga," I thundered; "go and prepare, our holiday feast. We've got 'our Christmas appetites on and are hungry, as the'deuce." \u25a0 \u25a0,'. • Two, days later Olga told Molly that she was sorry; that she had > been" a naughty girl, and that'next Christmas she would be glad, to take anything-, even .though it ' were, soiled writing pa per/and handkerchiefs to correspond. ; But it, is the victor's; privilege. to be merciful. •; Next Christmas we're . going to give; her ; money, ; just because she hasn't asked; for it,' and doesn't expect it, - .-' and \u25a0 because she's . good. And I'll wager that when she gets it she'llgo out Christmas Iweek and buy handkerchiefs and:writing, paper, too. : Arid— whisper.' We've just been down to pay" the first -installment on our big automobile/ -V. ' .. DOG •'. MEND EXH ALL'S JOKE. ,:' Doc Mendenhall had a load of sweet-.* ness to :' take out to Buxtori 'on the stage , last Friday. It was two married . couples —Walter . Hammond and May Scofield. L. E. Crawford and Amelia^ Genzer. • The sunlight- da2zled Doc's sight that day and he ' Is '„ said t to ; have struck : every ; stump, run on' to every side hill and; into every chuckhble from : here ,to;Buxton. r ßut r he' got them \ there,' though he may lose ' the job "of driving ' on their 'next wedding trip.— Forest^ Grove i (Ore.) Tlrnes. • Townsend's ' California glace, fruits and choicest candles In artistic nr« etched boxes. New, store. 767 .Market. • . Special • information , supplied daily -to business houses and public • men by ; th« Press Clipping Bureau«<AUen's), 30 Call foruia street. Telephone Main 1042, • OCCIDENTAL ACCIDENTALS A. J. WATERHOUSE CHRISTMAS IN CALIFORNIA, T HE Christmas love, the Christmas, cheer, The smile on Christmas faces- Sweet effort of the dying year To muster all its graces In one rare day when all shall stand On heights of peace together-- • \u0084 \u25a0_ And, best of. all. in our good land. The golden Christmas weather! \u25a0 . So gleam the mistletoe on high, ; And see it not, ye maidens shy— A kiss is but a feather. To kisses, blisses, all the rest, Dame Nature here adds special zest— Our 'golden Christmas weather! Back yonder frost doth Santa nip What time his deer are flying. And, "Faith!" he cries, ''this Christmas trip Is most exceeding trying"; But here In bowers blossom-lined He stays, his steeds to tether; And, "Ah," he vows, "nowhere I find Such golden Christmas weather 1" So trip it lightly, trip it long, And let this one day be a song Our hearts do sing together; Ay, this one day for bliss to plot — And know ye well elsewhere is not Such golden Christmas weather. tThe roses bud, the roses bloom — Let every heart be singing! I for care, with face of gloom, en all our world is ringing sngs of birds that come and go r sunshine-jeweled heather, mad to tell the bliss they«know golden Christmas weather, o let the Christmas holly gleam, or love is all, and care's a dream, And know ye joy together; nd thank the God of peace and cheer or this, the gift he brings us here, Our golden Christmas weather! Now, then, children, sit down and don't say anything unless you have something to say— as so many of us grown people do— and we will have a nice little talk. It Is almost Christmas day; and who is It who comes then? Tbat'.s It; you are right; It is Santa Claus. It Is funny how you guessed my conundrum the very first thing, isn't it? Yes, of course. And what is It that Santa Claus brings to y£u? That's it— presents. You hit it right again; you are great guessers. That is, he brings presents, except to the poor little waifs and strays to whom no body brings anything; and may the Lord help them, for hone of the rest of us do very much. And to whom does Santa bring the most presents? To the best little girls and boys? I thought you would say that. Did you say so because your papas and mammas told you so? I thought that you would say that you did— so you see that I am a great guesser, too. ; Now, I do not wish to say a word that will cause you to think that your papas and mammas are mistaken, for. of course,, they know more than anybody; but, just the same, I am going to tell you about tne queer case of a little boy I once knew; and perhaps you can understand it, but I fio not. • • . This little boy was almost the homeliest' little boy that ever happened, and. of course, he was ' not to blame for that. But I do claim that he was very much. to blame for exhibiting more kinds of cussedness than any thirteen little boys ought to possess if they expect to go to heaven, as all little boys should. His life was one long, shocking fight with al most all the other little boys in town, and in the few odd times when he was not fighting he generally was engaged in do ing something else that you would blush just to hear mentioned. Oh. he was a ringed, streaked and striped convict from Badboyville, this bad little boy was. Did Santa Claus bring this dreadful lit tle boy any presents when Christmas came? That's right; all speak up at once and say that, of course, he did not. It Is natural that you should think so after what your papas and mammas have told you, but all the same. It Is a surprla ing fact that you are mistaken. He was the worst boy in his school, and he sot the most Christmas presents! Now, how would you account, for that? It knocks me! " You ask if this is a true story? You bet it is! How do I know? Well, it pains me to confess : it, dear children, but I— well, one might as well be honest, and— that is— the fact is, I was that little boy. I should not have told you this story, dear children, if I had thought that you would ask me how I knew; but it Is true, and I never have understood it. and I do not understand it, and I suppose that I never will. It makes me wonder and won der about Santa Claus. Does it affect you in the same way? And. if not. how would you account for such a case?. "I notice that a German Baron feels A FEW HOLIDAY SMILES. A LITTLE LEABJVIN'G. Father— l hope you learned some thins at school to-day. Willie— Sure! I learned that the teacher Is twice as strong as you. BRAVE BOY. Willie—Well, I plucked up cour age enough to call on Ethel's father. Gweat wellef. Dick, fßweat'wellef!,- ..'\u25a0„ *-*Dick— l suppose he consents. Wlllie-^-He wasn't in. - financially and otherwise Injured and pained because his American father-in law has allowed him but $220,000, or scarce ly J3OO a week, in the nine years he ha* been married." "Yes, I noticed that in the papers. Poor devil; I am sorry for him." "I don't see why you should be sorry.'* • "Don't, hey? Well, don't you suppose it must be worth more than $500 a week to live with one who would trade .her blrtju right of American womanhood fur Ja title?" ' '• . OO 1 * WOj CHRISTMAS GIFTS AT ALL. My darling had more Christmas gifts Than I could pause to name — The Christmas toys of divers kinds Might put a store to shame — Book?, dolls and balls, a score of gift* Whose, names I scarce recall— The little waif upon the streets. He had no gifts at all! I'm very glad that love did plan My darling's happiness: Her chattered gladness in each glf* Doth still my spirit bless. In her rejoicing I rejoice. Nor is my pleasure small — But, oh, I'm sorry for the waif Who had no gifts at a 11. .-}\u25a0/. "1 notice that In the recent slaughter of, the Jews at Odessa Christians some times fought side by sitle with the He brews in their defense. That sort of thins makes one proud of the Christians." "It need not. A genuine Christian could and would do nothing else." SHE WAITED. She said "I wait for days of blias When I shall know my true loves kiss. And he must be a knight more leal Than songs of olden times reveal. No craven he. but stout of heart. Yet well versed In the gentle art Of luring maids till eyes grow dim. Forever I will wait for him" — And so she waited. She waited. Weary years crept by. And still no knight, came strolling by; No hero to her side did roam- Somehow, the heroes stayed at horn«. ,a But still she said: "For him I wait, **- And he will come, or soon or late; His dauntless soul shall claim my own And in his heart I'll find my throne"— And so she waited. At thirty-two she had a chance At something garbed in coat and pants. It was no knight or hero bold: It had bow legs, a chronic cold; Its talk was of the kind called "gab," But, oh, you should have seen her graft To catch the thing ere it could flee, Fcr she, as you. of course, must see. Was tired of waiting! "His mother said that she Intended t» make a saver of souls of him." "Did she succeed?" "To a certain extent, yes. Ha becana* a shoemaker." FJSKK ADVICE. Graf ton— Doctor, what do you take for a cold? Doctor— My fee. CAUSE AND EFFECT. Nellie— How did you get Into that' horrible habit of picking your teeth, John? • John— Through having something to eat, principally.