The San Francisco call. [volume], August 07, 1910, Page 12, Image 12

About The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913

Image provided by: University of California, Riverside; Riverside, CA

                
Neill C. Wilson
Sam: "What'll you fellows have?"
Ed: "I'll take a sloe gin."
BlLL: "Give me a Manhattan."
Jess: "Make mine a Sanderson high
ball."
Ted: "Let me have a sherry flip."
Sam: "Waiter! Five beers."
— Cornell Widoxe.
IS there such a thing as a special brand of
wit which can be singled out, corraled
and branded as "college humor"?
In a dozen or fifteen colleges and universi
ties up and down the land there are pub
lished, weekly or monthly, comic periodicals
written and edited by college men. Much of
the witty appeal of these publications is. of
course, local. But very frequently a college
humorist breaks beyond the confines of his
own campus and delivers himself of a joke,
a pun, or a witty poem that travels the whole
breadth of the land.
There was Wallace Irwin, for instance, of
Stanford. On the eve of his expulsion for too
much escapading, he sat down , and indited a
bit of verse for the Stanford Chaparral that
has. since become famous. "Graduates by
Request," he called it. And when the of
ficial communication from the faculty did
make him a graduate — by request — he merely
set himself to continuing in the line in which
he was already an adept.
Fond Father (to landlady of hi»
son's boarding place in Cambridge):
"Does Charles Sawyer live here?"
Landlady: "Yes, sir, bring him
right in!"
This from that Nestor of college comics,
the sage and venerable Harvard Lampoonl
When Harvard established the Lampoon
back in 1667. a journalistic movement beean
which has become a characteristic feature of
student activity. The old Lampoon was, as
its name indicates, a more or less comic pub
lication which hid under good-natured chaff
more than one biting fling at things as they
were — a sort of highly-focused motion pic
ture of the passing show in Harvard "Yard."
The Lampoon was the father of Life, which
appeared some yean later under the guidance
of former Lampoon editors.
The Lampoon is now in its forty-third year,
and enjoys a venerable and honored position
at the college-comic round Table.
Five years later appeared another comic,
the Yale Record. The Record has never at
tained the influence of the Harvard sheet,
but has enjoyed wide popularity for nearly
forty year:. There is a distinct difference
between Yale humor and the Harvard brand,
if their rival comic sheets are a standard.
Perhaps the following is a typical Eli joke:
"Don't keep me out in the night air,"
wailed the fair holdup victim, "I'll
catch my death of cold." Whereupon
the gentlemanly robber covered her with
his gun.
There are now fourteen college comics,
published in as many leading universities and
colleges. They are the venerable Lampoon and
its cousin, the Record, the maiden-aunt comic
sheet from Cornell known as the Widow, es
tablished in 1892; the Princeton Tiger, the
University of Pennsylvania Punchboal, of
the much-envied motto ; the Minnesota A/inne
He! Ha! Dartmouth College Jack °* Lan
tern, Amherst Four Leaf Clover. California
Pelican, Columbia Jester, Wisconsin Sphinx,
Texas Coyote, the Purple Cot> from Will
iams College, known affectionately as the
"Cow," and the Chaparral of Stanford, self
styled "Chappy" for short. They form a
remarkable group of college publications. .
College humor, needless to say, exercises
itself whole-heartedly in the three popular
fields of wine, women and song. The wine in
one case may be merely a bottle of < beer,
and the song a chant of athletic victory; but
the woman — she, at least, is ever-changinfl.
ever constant. Blonde, brunette or titian; tall
or slender, athletic or dainty, she is always
the dreamy ideal evolved from a haze of
tobacco smoke and summoned just to try
men's souls. An example: -
The autumn air was cool and tinged
with wood smoke; the Quad was dark
ening into a stately silhouette against the.
rioting gold and purple of the west,' as I .
went forth all arrayed in my Other
Clothes to call on Sylvia. Sylvia is
worth one's Other . Clothes. T<j queen
her is the most liberal kind of an educa
tion. ~...,y -...- r
The Freshman who . opened the door
thought Sylvia was in, and pattered ud
stairs into the mysterious feminine region
of giggles, pillow fights and slippers.
Presently Sylvia called, a cheerful
"Hello!" over the banister. She made a
very pretty picture looking down with
her chin on the rail— and she knew it,
of course.
"Studying hard?" she asked. when she
at last condescended to come down to
my level and graciously allowed me a
chair in the drawingroom.
I looked my disdain. "Freshman!" I
nweked. "That's a first year remark."
"I know it," said Sylvia, meekly. "But
you looked rather like a freshman, you
know, as you stood and rubbered."
"Never, neither," I retorted, and then,
as the conversation seemed to be taking
an unpleasant turn, I asked, "Who was
the handsome young man I saw with you
at the play?"
"Wouldn't you like to know!" Sylvia
remarked rudely. Her candor- is unbear
able — and fascinating.
"A rival is always interesting," I re
marked with dignity. .
"Oh, he's not a rival," said Sylvia,
with simplicity. "He's a fixture."
I deemed it best to maintain a dis
creet silence.
"At least," she added, "you couldn't
cut him out to save your life."
"Sylvia," I rebuked her, "your slang
is absolutely disgraceful. You are a
most awful young person. Keep your
young man— l don't care. Did you see
the girl I brought?"
"Sister," said Sylvia promptly. "Girl
in the house knows her. So there, Mis
ter Man. I guess I've got you!"
"I guess you have," I returned, look
ing at her with significance until she
blushed and wriggled. There was a
pause.
"Say something, for goodness' sake,"
she ordered at last.
"I will," I promised cheerfully. "Syl
via, I adore you with my whole heart.
For years I have nurtured a hopeless
passion for you. But now this man has
come between vs — this tall, handsome
stranger, and you have cast me out with
base ingratitude. You ought to be thank
ful for the privilege of being loved by
me — but you aren't. Either explain this
matter at once, or say goodbye."
S"!via sat still, looking at me inter
c-*" 3 !y. After a moment I rose and
: \y, extended my hand. Then I went
L .is front door, secured my hat, and
walked out on the porch. I looked
back; Sylvia sat where I had left her.
Male Visitor— Do you have any* athlete, here?
••'[^""••n-WeH.Jhere'i hardly a girl her»V
pw cao twist «orae man .round fee r fJttleT finger.
\u25a0 — y«/« Recori. ; -\u25a0
THE COLLEGE
BRAND
OF
HUMOR
With resolution I moved down the path.
Then I heard a faint "Dick!" and
looked around. Sylvia stood in the door- '
way, with one hand to her mouth.
"It was Brother!" she called, softly.
"Of course it was," said I, and. I
moved back up the path.
Wisconsin is a co-educational university.
To think that co-education , should ever give
rise to such sentiments as these! —
"Kiss me quick," said Hazel.
And so he did. .',v :<.i'
"Now aren't you sorry you hurried?"
she inquired, afterward.
"Why?" asked Jack..
"Because if you hadn't been in such
a rush you might have done it twice."
And so they began all over again.
Says the Cornell Widow:
"Jack has such a beautiful mouth."
*» Yes, it impressed me in the same
way."
And again:
"Do you believe in fate?" he asked, •
as he snuggled closer. ,
"Well,' answered the girl, "I believe •
that what is going to happen will hap
**«" . A
And even this- ungentlemanly wail :
My. love is like the red,' red , rose,
In June that's newly born, i
And, oh, the pins around her waist
Are strangely like the thorn.
Naturally those old rivals, . Harvard and
Yale, frequently take; good-natured • digs, at
each other .through" their comic columns.
Speaks the venerable Lampoon:
Should Yale win,' it
will be the second championship to
come to Yale in eighteen years, and
the members of the Team will re
ceive individual medals.
— Yale Alumni Weekly.
If the chess championship really will
-The Ust Day
--Stanford Chaparral, {
mean all of this to Yale, , Lampy be
lieves that Yale should win.
It is to be expected that the deliciously
fresh brand of good-natured wit and chaff
known as. "college humor" is to be found in
these dozen or so college comic sheets if such
spontaneous vapor can be caught and crys
tallized into cold type anywhere. Is this" ex-
I^rpt ; from the' Cornell Widoxo a sample?—
DEAN : "You have been detected in
gambling for money, for which you are
to be placed on probation."
Callow Student: " I'll match you to
ice if it's' 'bust' or stay without proba-
Or this, from the Princeton 7"iger :
."How do you, feel about being on. the -
water wagon?"
"Well. I feel better off." ;
- The Williams College Purple Com, rep
resenting a New England . institution which
has been presided over by clergymen for gen
erations, is guilty of this boyish ebullition:
-"There is a motion before the house,"
quoth Herod, as Salome unwound the
filmy.; draperies.
Does this > extract from the Purple Coi»
not seem to awaken a brotherly feeling
: toward the collegian whose experience ; has
"DM \u25a0' yau "X* the * jr * lld °'
peaches I »ent you. father?" &>
WlSiwt my »on; and particularly ;
the spirit i ms which ? theyi were \
#ent.- —Harvard lampoon.-
\u0084• . _
had more to do with football than with so
ciety?: — , ; •
He (after an embarrassing silence) :
"Don't you think the floor is unusually,
flat tonight?" .
Or, to view life from another angle:
Napoleon had accidentally seated
himself upon a hot stove.
"What wonderful courage!" remarked
one of .the ministers. "The general is
burning his breeches behind him."
: From the far off University of Texas
comes this Coyole wail, which no doubt
found its echo in every collegian's breast, no
matter what his alma mater:
"I see you have blisters on your hands.
Been rowing?" . . . _\
"No ; just < using my knife and fork
at B. Hall-
Observes the Minnesota Minne Ha! Ha!
"Tear into 'em! Tear into 'em! .Eat
\u25a0 'em, alive,- boys.. '.-\u25a0 Chew up, that line!
, , Eat 'em up ! " ' yells the coach.
. "Raw, raw, raw ! " yell the boys in
the bleachers. . ' \u25a0 - ;
. "Mercy," remarked the lady mission
ary from . Abyssinia, "is this a cannibal
| country,; too?'- ' . \u25a0;, , '
The Four Leaf \u25a0 Clover, of Amherit Col
lege, takes this rap at local conditions: '
"I fear. we will have to pay ten dol
lars for our! sheepskins this year."
"Yes, they're raising the tuition by
degrees."
'\u25a0, Yale seems overly interested in women's
colleges^ For example:
"Always something - new nowadays."
'\u25a0'-, . /'How so?" ' \u25a0 \
"Why, they have just made a girl at
Smith a Fellow." -
Now the Record takes a new tangent:.
"Pineh 1 me if I fall asleep," muttered
. the Stewed Stude as •he • lurched against
' ; \u25a0 the lamp post, and the Proud Minion of ;
" the Law proceeded to do as he was bid. .
. Of . these" comic sheets, the Cornell ;Widot>
l'L 88 * W ; Dick turn do *: n \u25a0 • drink yesterday."
, Wh «V wt * if ? bottoms ; up?"
- • ' ; -?I*~ Cornel t.Wldow.\
\u0084"-"\u25a0*\u25a0' V::, ' * ' . . ,
is perhaps the leader. Her staff of editors
style themselves the "Widowers." . but they
are decidedly a gay and frisky lot to be bur
dened with such a description. Remarks the
Wtdovx i .
Stranger: "How wwiltl t I find the
Registrar?"
Stude: "No telling; he may have a
grouch on. and he may not."
And again:
"You say he neve.r goes home until
morning? I wonder why?"
"Probably because ,he has an A. M.
degree."
Out here on the Pacific Coast, where they
never do things by halves, the Stanford fresh
men are given a hard time of it. To so
through the first year without being "tubbed"
by a crowd of grim sophomores is an un
heard-of experience. In the first issue of
the Stanford Chaparral, published a dozen
years ago, appeared a cut of a howling fresh
man gently but firmly seated in a nocturnal
bath and under it the caption, "There was
a rumor afloat in the Hall last night."
This is clipped from a later issue:
As she passed through the gales of
Eden, Eve turned to the angel with the
flaming sword. ' '
_ "My dear," she said, "I've had a
perfectly lovely time."
Thus starring a custom which has per
sisted ever since.
A comparative newcomer in this journal
istic field is the University of California
Pelican. The Pelican has had a stormy
career. - In attempting, to tickle the students
it has disturbed many, times the dignified
peace . of the faculty, and turmoil has re
sulted. No great figures in the literary world
have yet graduated from its editorial board,
but "Pelly" is still young.
Writing a joke is not the joke it seems »
Try it yourself and see. Somewhere, un
doubtedly, there lurks one in the bottom of
your brain, just waiting to be pulled out.
But it is a safe bet that* you will sit with
your head in your hands for many hours be
fore the blank paper .before you becomes
filled with gems of original, bubbling humor.
Yet jokes— the kind that get into print —
are made, not ' born. Sometimes, if is true,
they leap, Minerva- like, full grown from the
head of the jokesmith. Such was probably
the case with this one, from the Princeton
Tiger: '^ :•' ~>
Customer: "I want to get a neck
\u25a0-" tie, please.'*
Tradesman: "Spotted one, sir?**
Customer: "Not yet, but let's see
the orje on the end."
' One can picture the college humorist seiz
ing his pencil on that occasion and cornering
the elusive joke on his cuff with a gleeful
chortle.. But this, on the other hand, suggests
a different picture: , •
Bicker— Wa* the'le h %*
The San Francisco Sunday .Calf..
There was a young fellow named Jim
Who was chuck full of cider and vim;
/ He offered to beat
AH the men on tho street —
We will now sing a suitable hymn.
One can see the dim dormitory room, with
the rustling elm» outside, and picture the col
lege humorist beside his student lamp, coat
and collar off. feet on the table, and pad be
fore him. Perhaps his room-mate _i» idly
strumming a guitar on the bed opposite. Per
haps a piano is going, full steam ahead, in
the room up over his head. The shouts, the
songs, the rattle of chip, the dormitory
sounds, come to his ears; a» he tit* silently,
wrapped in thought. The college comic
sheet — in this case the Purple Coy of Will
iams — must go to press tomorrow. A stein
on the shelf, overhead attracts his attention.
He pictures it, foaming and being waved
aloft. It gives him a clue. Jim Baxter, first
mandolin on the musical club, once waved
a stein aloft like that. It was just after the
great game with Amherst. and they were cel
ebrating. Jim was having a gay night. Why.
of course:
"There was a young fellow named Jim—**
What next? "Who was chuck full of beer
and — " No. that is historically correct, but
the meter is off. Try again. Champagne —
. yes, that fills in the line, but the campus is
on to Jim too well for that. Let's see
cider, that's it. And Jim can send a copy
of the sheet home, too. Cider is a good,
mild, two-footed word, eminently fitted for
the occasion. Now what have we?-»
"There was a young fellow named Jim,
Who was chuck full of cider and vim — "
Funny how that word "vim" came bubbling
right up. Didn't even have to grope for it.
What next?
"He offered to beat— "
Good, so far. Now what rhymes with" beat"
— feet? "He offered to beat — a tattoo with"
his feet" — no. that has no point. What was
it Jim offered to beat? Why. any man on
the street — of course. Poor old Jim. It was
truly, sad, what followed. We sang a sad
song over him. ' No, we sang a hymn over
him. Too many "hims"-r— ah,
"We will now sing a suitable hymn."
Done I That fills the chink in the issue. And
the jokesmith seeks other worlds to conquer.
Such is a rapid tour through college-comic
land. In some of these examples you have
probably recognized old friends. There are
only seven original jokes in all the world,
they say. But if you have interpreted these
bits of fun aright, you have noticed that a
different spirit lurks within them. They
throw a filmy, gossamer veil over things.
There is a freshness, a spontaneity, that
claims a title all its own. "College humor"
.is that breezy, bubbling, dare-devil brand
which is best expressed by the motto of the
University of Pennsylvania PunchboV/l. and
envied by all the other college comic iheeU:
"Damn the torpedoes! Go ahead."