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The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, December 04, 1910, Image 6

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• -,•', •;•'\u25a0•. , * . m \u25a0 1 \u25a0 •• \u0084 —^
. ( It seoms'an ea«y. matter -to properly
address .a. lettor in order thal.it may
aJlp through Uncfe Ram's postal mill
an speedily and safely ns possible. No
racking of the <ntellect is. required In
•-the process, and but little physi/al ex
ertion — simply tho inscribing of a name
and address. Yet, in the face of this,
ask the man who superintends tho sort^,
. Ing of the mall In the city postofllce'
about It. nnd If he does not throw up
his hands and fervently cry, "Our lucky
stars preserve us from those who don't
or won't know how to address a letter!"
it will bo because he is too busy to do •
more than think his opinion.
Of the thousands of letters which go
through the ofllee wcokly it Is surpris
ing to . learn that hundreds of them,
through faulty addresses, cause the
postofflce people almost as much trou
bfe as the handling of those that are in
proper form, says the Washington Star.
And the acts of this same class are also
the most potent factor in keeping tho
wheels "of industry humming in the
dead letter office all the year round.
Carelessness on the part of letter
writers is the cause, of the appearance
, of most of these bdthersome missives.
It is the careless, person who drops a
letter, adorned \ with a stamp, but u/l
adorned withan address, Into. the box;
It Is a kindred spirit who mails a letter
to a friend in some distant city which
the writer, locates in a state having no
such city within it* borders.
• It is" one ".with a similar falling who
directs his letter to a certain street and
leaves a 1a 1 blank space below for the
postofllce ; ofllcials to fill in any city or
town It. may occur to them the street
is situated in. It is .carelessness that
brings to the postoffice a neatly ad
. dressed and stamped envelope which is,
' however, unsealed and deßtitue of con
. tents.'just the sort of an affair to cause
a*: fearful breach ! between two corre
spondents, one angry^ because of •an
unanswered letter "and 'the i other indig
nant; because ;his tale of the empty
.envelope Is discredited." But to tell of
the devious and aggravating ways of |
the careless* letter writer would take
a day in itself.
Ignorance also plays Its part in the
letter game, as a few select specimens^
'will show. It "was certainly ah ignorantV
- person v who -not long ago 'addressed a -
• letter tp Hishbhorableness the Presi
dent," leaving it to the superior wisdom
of .the postmaster to guess whether
theletter s was a; petition; to the presi
dent of -the .United States for a position
or an appeal to: the president of a glue
":. trust for a job as laborer. .
\u25a0-';, Ignorance or achildlike belief In the
: supernatural^ powers of the postal of
5 flcials;also .inspired the following, ef
: fusive," though* vague,, inscription on a
rather Jdirty, envelope dropped in the •
main office: " . „ , . :
•\u25a0-\u25a0.."To -my cousin, Martha Small, who
: lives in Organ and who was goin" to
move to Montannel."
Another missive with a nomadic ad- ,
\u25a0\u25a0\u25a0':. dress • was ;odorous with \u25a0 mystery. It
was directed: \u25a0 .
"yamuel Kramer, Milwaukee, Wis. v
.It' not, try ; Columbus, 0., or maybe Dal
' las, Tex., or^ perhaps Bangor.'Me."
ADDITIONAL COMPOSITIONS
A TRIP TO MARS IN AN
AEROPLANE
WILLIAM A. WITTE
443 Waller Street. Heald's School,. San
Francisco. Arc 15 Year*
After making several flights high in
the air I decided: to fit out an expedi
tion arid make a flight to Mars. Al
though . the trip has never been made,
we, took a compass along with us and
decided to . try; the flight.
We carried provisions enough for a
week,. and along with our, supplies we
packed a wireless outfit, so that when
we. landed on Mars we could establish
wireless communication with the earth.
After being in tho air for a day and
night we were able, with the use of
our telescope, . to see objects moving
to and fro on tho new world.
At the end of two days we. began to
take our bearings as to where we
would descend. . We finally landed on
a high mountain. We were met by our
new friends and shown around. They
all had wings and were able to fly
about. After planting the American
flag on the new soli we began our re
turn trip, making no stops until ' the
earth was reached;
Many explorations have been made
on land and water, but aerial explora
tion will soon have it« place In history.
AN AEROPLANE TOUR
HARRY B. HAMBLY JR
Hui 105, Los Gato*, Cnl. l.tm Gblom
.Grammar School. High Sixth Grade.
Ajje. 13 Year*
One 'pleasant day we thought we
would take a ride in our new aero
plane. It was quite a distance to the
starting point, a big hill in the vicin
ity. We got the machine up there. We
had been up there but a little while,
when a strong wind came up, and we
thought We would not be able to fly.
Hut, after a half hour the wind abated
;• • ,1;, .. MW^ '•\u25a0 .-.• v - •:* . : • - ,• . •\u25a0\u25a0••'.••\u25a0,•\u25a0\u25a0*\u25a0\u25a0.;>'
tnK3AN TOANCISCO CALL, SUNDAYS- DKCKMBKR' 4. I ( MO±^'IJJLJJJ^£^-^M^l..—
A piece of handiwork worthy of the
immortal "Handy Andy" is exhibited
by a letter which, besides the stamp,
bore only on its face this writing:
"If not delivered in 10 days, post
master will please open and return as
per; address inside. Stamp inclosed."
But it is not". the careless and ignor
ant alone who clog up the postal ma
chinery and cause Ahe lettermen to
give way at times to an ; inclination to
use words of lurid" tinge and emphatic
meaning. Their correspondence, ;of
which the foregoing, are only a few
samples, from an outside view is easily
disposed of by .being rthrown aside in
the hurry of making up mall," and aft
erward bundled off to the postal
and we stepped into the ship. Every
thing was in order.
"Air right, boys! give us a shove!"
Away we flew. "It looks dangerous,"
said my companion. "Don't get fright
ened,"' said I, "for it is all right."
We rose to the altitude of about a
mile. I said to my chum "as we were
racing along, "I am glad we had that
big start, for we can go much further
now.".
After passing over the town -of Los
Gat os we decided to descend to earth.
So we made a 'graceful curve and,
luckily, landed on a road.
Out we jumped," and pushed the aero
plane into a field near by, so it would
not be in the way. My friend was glad
to get to the ground, but said he
would go up with me again.,
Maybe, Juniors, I will take Alonzo
up with me next time.
MY AEROPLANE RIDE
MISS DORIS PUGH
I'erklnM, California. Sl*lli Grade. Aife
11 Vtnn - V -
I went to bed the other night tired
and sleepy. " I had beou playing all
day with my brother, Joe. We made
a little aeroplane.
I got in bed and immediately went
to sleep. I dreamed that we were go
ing out to the fair grounds that after
noqn to see a man fly in an aero
plane. When we got there we bought
our tickets and it seemed a* if the
ticket agent was our cousin. He said
that he knew the man who was going
to fly and he would introduce us to
him. He did, and I found the aviator
very pleasant. He* asked me if I
would like to take a ride In hla aero
plane. I told him I would just be de
lighted to, for there, were not many
people wiio had a chance to ride in' one.
We got in and went up pretty high.
* when the engine stopped and down we
came.* We were just about- to hit the
ground when I awoke and found it
all a dream.
morgue, unless there ia some identifica
tion mark whereby it may be returned
to the wrl ter. "*? r' V.
There Is a vast and growing army of
cranks who se«m to live only for the
purpose oC using the mails in their own
peculiarly- idiotic way. In the operation
of 'some of these there is a studied
fiendishness that would suggest a
gigantic conspiracy to drive postal
clerks to an insane . asylum or the
clammy tomb. Washington has some
shining lights, in the crank line.
In the first place, there is the puzzle
crunk, . w ( ho imagines that a 2 cent
stamp gives liim the privilege of dis
playing, at the expense of the postal
officials, his marvelous powers as ah
MY- FIRST FLIGHT
GEORGE U. PARDY
Northeuat Corner Lake and Third Av«
. nuo, ' San Frnnelseo. Roosevelt ~
School, A Eighth Urnde.
ABe 1-1 Year*
"Let her go, monsieur; I am ready,"
and away we whizzed with a report
from the muffler that sounded like the
short, sharp crack of a small pistol.
Slowly but .surely we mounted the va
cant ladder of space Into the unex
plored region, above the habitation of
men. We had left far behind the cheers
that followed us for a short CO yards or
so, but from there they faded Into the
air like dawn into darkness.
I had been Invited by Monsieur Paul
han to take a. ride up into the exhilar
ating atmosphore that surrounds the
earth. He assured me that all I would
have to do would be to keep cool and
hold tight. I at first politely declined,
but upon further consideration con
sented,
~ Now I was doing what I never
dreamed of — riding above the earth in
an aeroplane driven by the daring
aviator, Paulhan; actually mounting
higher than any bird or man ever
dared to ascend.
Now here, now there we darted, so
gracefully that blrd3 mistook us for
one of themselves, but upon approach-
Ing ne.arer became tenrlfled at the sight
an,d noise of such a monster. " .v-.. ""\u25a0.
After, we attained the marvelous
height of 3J2OC feet, Paulhan, who had
UP to this moment said nothing, ven
tured to ask: "iluve yon any unusual
feelings?" and i replied: "None -except
wonder."
Then we begun to .descend at a rapid
rate, so rapid that {'thought we would
surely be dashed to pieces on the Held
we had left an hour ago. Hut, as an
author says, " by a simple twist of the
wrist" Paulhau tilted a forward rud
der and we landed gracefully in front
of the grandstand atnid'the cheers and
applaustt of the spectators.
enigma maker. This Is a fair, sample
of his work: '•
"F. (color) 11. (Second President),
"Seventh President,
"10— S— C."
Tlie envelope ought to have gone Into
the waste box, but Unclff Sam's order.?
are to use all possible means to find tho
party to whom a letter Is addressed.
So finally a reformed puzzler in the
ofilco deciphered tho address to be:
"Fred 11. Adams, Jackson, Term."
Next In degree of abhorrence in the
minds of the letter handlers is the
poetical crank. He Is strongly Impreg
nated with the Idea that all thp world
loves a poot, and that, above all, postal
clerks need some Intellectual refresh
ment to ameliorate tho hard grind of
dally toil. One of these disciples of
Silas Wegg caroled as follows lately:
Oh. carrierwith the willing feet,
Deliver this on Fiftieth street;
The number, Thirteen twenty-four;
Tho town, New York, and on the door
You'll find, set In a silver frame,
That which you seek — a person's name —
James Ipso'n Strong— .Who'd want a
better? .
And 'tis to him I send this letter,
Another allowed himself to overflow
with a fragment built on the same lines
as the effervescent college yell. It ran:
Harper's.- Harper's,
In Franklin square,
New York, New York.
With haste and care.
The envelope was bulky and surely
held manuscript — undoubtedly a poem
on spring — but whether that diabolical
bark resembling the ululation of a
mountain wolf on the war trail was to
drive the postofllce to unusual exer
tions In forwarding the letter, or
whether it was to convince the pub
lishers tliat the author was a rough
and ready genius of the west, who
would not brook refusal of copy, can
only be conjectured.
It would be supposed that the crank
bent on addressing n letter to himself
and have it come back after a journey
around the world resembling a porous
plaster from postmarks is dead. It has
been announced officially scores of
times that letters mailed for such a
purpose will be returned tp the writer
by the speediest route — that is, by local
carrrier.
Still, the round the world crank is on
the hustle, and 'as eagerly bent on
wasting postage stamps. In fact, he is
becoming more ambitious and desires
to zigzag his letters' around the globe,
as witness the following onthe end of
a letter mailed here only a few days
ago:> "
"To the postmaster: I want this let
ter to go around the world. If pos
sible take in Japan, India, Australia,
some part of Africa, as many of the
countries of Europe as convenient and
also South America, say Rio Janiero.
Sixty cents ought to do it." . ,
• Two 80 cent stamps were on the en
velope,-but the letter did not go on
the circuit.
A wholly inexplicable piece of crank
ism was developed by a letter that ap
parently had no address where ad
dresses usually are. But in the writing
in one. corner was scrawled:
"Heat envelope and find address."
When the letter was held to a gas
jet an address that had been written
in invisible ink was drawn out by the
heat. Strangely enough, the letter was
marked ''"Important." — Providence
MY FIRST AND LAST TRIP IN
AN AEROPLANE
ANNA FICK
San Miileu. Mnn IMjileo (irnmmnr School
High Sixth l.riiilc. Ace 13 Yeur*
We were in Los Angeles when my
father, asked me if I would like to
take a trip In an aeroplane. l~would
never refuse an offer like this. Another
girl and I went up In the air with my
father in his aeroplane. It is quite
a largo one.
We had our paper and pencils and
were writing what we saw below us.
My father didn't know how to run
the ship very well, so he didn't go
high. >;;.
We went over Los Angeles and Ven
tura county. In Ventura we had the
best view of all, because we went a
little higher. We wore not frightened
because we thought we were safe.
Then wo decided we had better
descend to the ground, when my father
lost control of the aeroplane and down
we came full speed. Fortunately, we
were not badly Injured. That was my
first trip in an aeroplane and It will
be my last one.
MY TRIP
CLYDE GENTLE
730 IMi/iil>fili Street. Noe Valley Schoel,
'I'll f \u25a0-«\u25a0 Grade. Age !l Yrlirtt
I once took a trip In an aeroplane
I flew, over falrylund in an invisible
airship and saw the fairies working;
and the little fairtes at school. There
was v visitor there named Eva and an
old fairy named Trip was guiding her
around.
Jack in the pulpit was the "teacher
of the school. Wlien I had sailed
around I went home. That ia the firat
ride I ever had in an aeroplane.

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