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The Funny Side's Funny Stories * (OHBOKS ARE MAILED THE SATURDAY POLLOiWTNG PUBLICATION."'USE POST CARDS. ' NO-MANUSCRIPTS R_*TTJRKID.) ; • Mike was standing ln a subway, station' for a I",train; to .take him home.;. . v "When the train came along be wafted at the side. door but in a few minutes [■'.>]" tie train pulled away, leaving Mike behind. Mike turned around and said to a gentleman behind him: . , "Say, don't they open those side doors on Sunday?" , ' "Why, no," said the man. .''■'-'■■ •-■.'*•.,,., "a , . - : ' "Well," said Mike, "I thought' that tbe only way to get In on Sunday,-, - v Was by the side door." *. .: )-;\rr^v/-v.;.v ■.'... -■■"*- v' : ■'*■ : BOyB *. 'W. TELLER, 131 Hancock svenne, "ersey City. N. J, ' Four-Year-Old—You're. the ond lof the family that knows everything, ■-'' ain't yon, mamma? "Yes," answered mamma. * ."•..,-•; ,■'."' •"■.■'■ Four-Year-Old—And I am the end of the family that don't know every thing, ain't I, mamma? ' * ")..'./ -": ',a .; "•;_ ■■'■'.'","-. ...:'■ .''■:"■/ "Yes,"' answered mamma; "but what end of the family Is papa, my dear?".-''- Four-Year-Old— papa. He.ain't either end of the family.' Ho dcs works for both ends of the family, that's all. don't he mamma? " Q. W. THOMPSON. 1507 Thirteenth' avenue. South Seattle, Wash. THE NEWLYWEDS—THEIR BABY i Ten dollars a week is paid for these stories—ss, for the best, for ' the i others •$1 - or more. v Send '; the , funniest "i stories % you know on postcards to Editor Funny Side, P. 0. Box 1354, New York, iff $: '{'- A tramp went Into a restaurant and ordered a steak. Besides ;the steakv the waiter served coffee and bread. * . " ... v 1 Tramp—What's the price, of the steak? " * *" Twenty-five cents. ■ Tramp— the coffee and bread? .'. Walter—That's free. •. "..--i--—', '-■:, ; ,*' Tramps-Well,', then," take the steak away and• let me' have the "coffee and ■•■-' bread. V'"'- '"{■!>. ■ ;:- v /.'■'-- *' '■■'• *r.-.' •*>.m*.- '■ -1183 JOSEPHINE BERGER. 2«l;Johnio_ .venue, • Brooklyn, N. T. ' Mandy ? had gone . to tell Jake, . her husband,', goodby.";' He .was- to. be' banged next day. "Well, goodby, Jake, I'll see you termorrer, mus I fetch de chillun ter de hangin?" ? ""*'\; '" „,' •.-,-■.,•'•''-•.- ;"%.■.'• * - "You fool, Mandy, no. What you * reckon "I wants my chillun '■ see me i banged r-'- , . " * ,/ •, t .^ .■; •• ! •'Mow, , Jake, das ' jes . lak * you, you ought ter- be ashamed yoself, you never wuz willing ler.dem chillun ter have no pleasure.".:""'"" ',',; ■"'""■ ; BEMBERT BIMS. 878 Piedmont i-*.ue, "Atlanta. I.'Ga.. ' Comic Section\OF THE SAN FRANCISCO CALL SAN FRANCISCO..CAL. SUNDAY MAR. 12 1911. copyamT tati press fuet./swA'e co jverv I vox* vono. Geo. McManus