The San Francisco call. [volume], January 12, 1913, Image 9

About The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913

Image provided by: University of California, Riverside; Riverside, CA

TEH CANDID FRIEND
Arv, Independent Review of Hen and Things Thai Itare in the Goniemporaiy, Lite of (^ifbrnia
T ri ~p^ | HENEVER l see David starr Jordan
IllllilllllllilllSlliimiillillll quoted in the newspapers I feel im
pelled to apply the methods of the
W higher criticism to the stuff, for the
fact is that the learned president of
Stanford is pursued by a demon re
porter who takes malignant pleasure
In making Dr. Jordan talk the most
11111111111111111111111 l egregious nonsense for publication.
It is mostly on the subjects of eu
genics and heredity that this foul
fiend puts over his own silly stuff
-- - - ' — on the doctor and leaves him gasp
ing with surprise and Indignation.
Not very long ago this printers' devil captured Dr.
Jordan at Salt Lake city and attributed to him. an assort
ment of strange plans for "burbanking" the human race
that made a lot of trouble for me before I could get the
thing straightened out so that Dr. Jordan was set right
before an astonished world.
SAN FRANCISCO CRUSADERS
Now it seems that Dr. Jordan has discovered in San
Francisco and the neighboring counties certain descend
ants of the crusaders. They mostly belong to "our set"
and their joint and several pedigrees are vouched for by
Dr. Jordan, running back to the Domesday book. All
these, our neighbors, show the blood of the Plantagenet
kings, dukes and other crusaders, although you might
not suspect it, and here they are, misnamings and mis
titlings and all, exactly as set forth by the demon reporter
on the supposed authority of Dr. Jordan:
SAN FRANCISCO OAKLAND
Patrick Calhoun Mr?. John C. Adams
Mrs. Garret McEnerney Mrs. W. H. Creed
Mrs. Edwin White Newhall C. S. Green
James Ward Keeney
Mrs. Millard Chamberlain BERKELEY
Leontine Spotts Blakeman Mrs. Nathan Cole Jr.
Boutwell Dunlap
Mrs. E. H. Simonson ALAMEDA
Henry Byron Phillips Mrs. Lida L. Gillogly
Samuel Hubbard Mrs. Harvey Darneal
Mrs. Frederick Nickerson
Woods SEBASTOPOL
Maria Freeman Gray Mrs. Fred Woodworth
Miss Louisa McKinstry
J. C. McKinstry HILLSBOROUGH
Mrs. Sydney M. Van Wyck Mrs. J. J. Funsten
Mrs. A. J. Ralston
Mrs. W. J. Ashburner SAN JOSE
Mrs. Selden S. Wright Mr.-. S. F. Leib
Mrs. W. T. Bagget
Mrs. Peter Lansing Wheeler PALO ALTO
Roberta Thompson Percival C. Wilbur
William Henry Thomas Hule Sarah Louise Kimball
Mrs. Harriet Dudley Chap
man REDWOOD CITY
Mrs. Arthur Dudley Cross Rev. George A. Merrill
E. Bourk Holloday
Mrs. Walter D. Mansfield WXB ANGELES
Walter E. Dennison Orra E. Monnett
A BOMBSHELL, PERHAPS
These eminent and distinguished folk are introduced
to us in this wise by the evil one:
Down at Carmel by the Sea, where poets weave
thoughts of fancy and painters mix their oils, Dr.
David Starr Jordan is preparing a bombshell.
When the bombshell, in the shape of a little book,
has been finished with loving care and tossed on
the world a hole will be blasted in that world's
opinion of itself, and a riot will result, such as
Carmel never dreamed of.
Just why Dr. Jordan should be described as a bomb
thrower because he has amused himself for scientific pur
poses by spelling out real or supposed genealogies is not
very clearly explained. This industry of ancestor chasing
is commonly pursued with profitable results and not very
reputable methods by the professionals, of whom Dr.
Jordan is not one. In fact, these so called "royal de
scents" are an established article of commerce on the
other side of the pond. The trade flourishes wherever
there are snobs, and I perceive that it is in a way to
become an established industry in America.
A LIBERAL OFFER
I have a lively recollection of a member of the Herald's
college in London who offered for the modest sum of 20
shillings to trace my genealogy up to the Plantagenet
kings. I was amused and delighted, but declined the offer,
not because I doubted his ability to prove up, but for the
reason that I did not regard the investment as worth
the money.
The late Sir Bernard Burke, Ulster king at arms, made
a comfortable living out of his book entitled "Royal De
scents.'' It was a thick and sumptuous volume containing
the names and pedigrees of hundreds of the descendants
of kings. Bound in red morocco, it might be seen lying
conspicuously on the table in any fashionable drawing
room, and the book, wherever found, had an odd and
suggestive trick of opening automatically at the page
where the owner's name appeared.
A COLOSSAL FAMILY
Now listen to the evil one again:
As material for his book, Dr. Jordan has reached
these findings:
I—At least half the citizens of this country of
English ancestry are descendants of one "super
woman" and members of one colossal family.
2—lsabella de Vermandois, daughter of a crusad
er, wife of the duke of Warren, living in the twelfth
century, is the common progenitor of the teeming
millions whom Dr. Jordan stamps as the "fittest" of
tho English speaking race.
Here we are compelled to apply the method of the
higher criticism to the vagrant fancies of the foul fiend.
Of course Dr. Jordan never said that his superwoman,
Isabella, became the wife of the duke of Warren, because
Edward F. Cahill
there never was in England or elsewhere any such duko
or any such title. Dr. Jordan will thank me for setting him
right before people who know anything of English his
tory. Again Dr. Jordan is quoted:
We selected Isabella de Vermandois as a com
mon ancestor to whom we would trace as many
American descendants of English families as pos
sible. Isabella is known to have been a woman
of sound mental, moral and physical characteris
tics, and of a strain so virile that it has lasted
in her progeny, down through centuries. That,
by the way, is nature's way of purifying the human
current. The progeny of the feeble minded die out
like withered branches of a tree and the sound
limbs spread on and branch out.
Isabella was a remarkable woman, and I have
studied her life a great deal. She was the daugh
ter of Hugh Magnus, a famous crusader of the
twelfth century. The Plantagenet blood, of which
she was, has spread itself throughout the English
race, and is singularly virile.
A UNIVERSAL ANCESTOR
Dr. Jordan does not tell us through his familiar that
he could have done the same thing for the descendants
of any person of note in the period of the crusaders. It
is a simple arithmetical proposition. Every man jack of
you, gentle and simple, has had something like a billion
ancestors since the period of the crusaders, and so if you
can tiace back two or three generations it Is a hundred
to one chance in your favor that you can hooit up some
wheie with the procession of royal descents. The pro
fessional genealogists will guarantee you a full set of
royal ancestors at so much per head.
FIAT BURBANKERY
Dr. Jordan, of course, is only an amateur and has no
genealogies for sale. His single purpose is to illustrate
or suggest methods for burbanking the human race, and
he therefore somewhat incautiously hands Isabella a
handsome certificate of moral character. Indeed, a rival
genealogist declares:
For a eugenic proposition I would never single
out and mark Lady Isabel de Vermandois as a
"superwoman,"' if this new word defines any qual
ities on" may be proud of in an ancestress. Though
she was the granddaughter of a king of France
she was of questionable morals, though of distin
guished lineage.
NO SCANDAL ABOUT ISABELLA
He goes on to give ample specifications, but we want
no scandal about Isabella, save 6uch as may be necessary
to illustrate the so called science of eugenics. Possibly
even Isabella's certificate of good moral character was
merely the invention of Dr. Jordan's demon reporter. No
wonder he wanted a rigid censorship on all news sent
out from Stanford.
SOAP BOX CRUSADERS
Now, coming down to brass tack's, if there is anything
in the science of eugenics and heredity Isabella should
have transmitted her qualities to her descendants in Eu
rope and America. She was the daughter of one crusader
and the wife of another, but you don't find any crusaders
in the list of her Californian descendants enumerated
above. Somebody starts a crusade in San Francisco about
once a week, but you don't find any of that bunch getting
on a soap box and shouting "God wills it." Besides, they
are all people of highly moral character, as no doubt Dr.
Jordan will tell you. What, then, have they inherited from
this dubious superwoman whom Dr. Jordan has mothered
on them without their consent or knowledge until they
saw their relationship exposed in the papers by the de
men reporter?
THE TRADE IN GESEALOGIES
The trade in genealogies has by this time come to be
pretty well understood. It has always been a joke for the
judicious and a device for picking the pockets of the cred
ulous. Its method may be illustrated by the analogy of
the stud book. There are, let us say for the sake of argu
ment, one million thoroughbred horses in existence. All
these have sprung from half a dozen or fewer strains.
The record of pedigree has been carefully* 1 kept for about
a hundred yearns. Now in the process of breeding, cross
breeding and interbreeding the horse families have been
so mixed that at the present time any one of the million
thoroughbreds may be connected by authentic record of
relationship with each and every one of the original sires
or dams from which the breed of race horses sprung. The
same thing is true of the human race, but the period cov
ered by the genealogists is one thousand years Instead of
one hundred, as in the case of thoroughbred horses, and,
moreover, the records have not been so carefully kept.
DESCENDED FROM KINGS
It results that any man or woman born within the nar
row seas that compass England about, or any of their de
scendants on this side of the water, may reasonably
claim relationship with the worthies or even the unworth
ies of the British crusading period. They may not be able
to establish the relationship by the record, but the gen
ealogists will do that for them if they pay them enough.
Let it be conceded that we are all descended from kings
and crusaders more or less. Some of these were rascals
and others were not, but the breed has been adulterated,
diluted or reinforced a billion times or more, as the case
may be, since the period of the Plantagenet kings. Un
like the thoroughbred horse, nothing has been done to
keep the breed pure. Dr. Jordan is quoted—whether cor
rectly or incorrectly I am unable to say—as follows:
The mating of Mother Isabella's progeny is a
step toward the Ideal of eugenics, which Is to apply
the principles of scientific animal breeding or plant
selection, such as practiced by Luther Burbank to
the human race.
MOTHERHOOD WITH A PURPOSE
In the case of the thoroughbred horse we know exactly
what we want. We breed for speed and stamina solely
and we care nothing about disposition or intelligence. It
is not difficult to accomplish this purpose when the field
is narrow, but the complexity of human affairs makes
selective breeding with a eugenic purpose practically im
possible. It is not impossible to conceive that some benevo
lent person might undertake to endow motherhood des
ignated to promote the breed of corporation lawyers or of
napoleons of finance.
THE DOCTOR'S PLAN
Dr. Jordan's plan is thus stated:
True love, with the initiative of the individuals
tempered by an* understanding of eugenics, is far
and away a better method of bring about this se
lective Ideal than a resort to state regulation or
parental interference.
The program is neither sensational nor radical, nor
does it hold out much promise of change from existing
conditions. It is not at all reinforced or supported -by
the form of ancestor worship that has been turned to
profit by the professional genealogists nor by the his
torical instances cited by Dr. Jordan. In fine, I am
compelled to the conclusion that Dr. Jordan has been
inspired to work off a huge and elaborate joke on "so
ciety," or in the alternative has been made the victim
of some ingenious son of darkness out of a print shop.
"A bombshell" quotha; say rather a Chinese cracker.
A SNORING FAMILY
I may be permitted to quote a current newspaper para
▼aph dealing with the subject of heredity to wit:
"My grandfather snored, my father snored, my
mother snored, and I have always snored. Edward
never snores. He is no" son of mine." These few
lines in the will of Edward Arthur Bentinck Monck
ton, Baron Hetherington, have thrown a huge es
tate into the probate court of England and ques
tion the legitimacy of the succeeding heir. The late
baron's nephew claims succession to the estates
under the will and will also lay claim to the peer
age. The man who for years has been accepted as
the lawful son of the old lord has entered a caveat,
alleging that the will is prima facie proof of his
father's insanity. The case is attracting national
interest.
Here we have a new genealogical complication intro
duced, and it might be held that the listed descendants of
Mother Isabella can not have their claims allowed unless
they are able to prove their own "questionable morals."
The alternative lies in the conclusion of the disinherited
son that this very madness lies.
FIVE THOUSAND A YEAR EUGENICS
A modern tendency of eugenics as It Is popularly under
stood is seen in the organization of the "Five Thousand
a Year club" by half a dozen young girls of social prom
inence In Los Angeles. These young ladies, headed by
Miss Chrystal La Chance, announce that it is their pur
pose to avoid "the hit or miss marriages" that have been
so often attended with unfortunate and unhappy results,
and therefore they will marry no man who has less than
$5,000 a year income. This is one form of eugenics, al
though not exactly the kind advocated by Dr. Jordan. It
Is content to substitute a rating in Bradstreets for the
dominie's vague selective processes and So reduces the
science of eugenics and artificial selection to a naked
arithmetical basis.
WHY THEY MARRY
Nevertheless there persists the doubt whether science
or reason has the remotest influence on marrying and
giving In marriage. Few men and still fewer women
would marry if they were compelled to direct their course
in life by the dictates €f pure reason. Marriage, where
it is not a sordid transaction, is almost invariably in
spired by emotion and passion. Accordingly that shrewd
philosopher, Brother Mappes of the Fresno Mirror, fore
sees the future and finish of the Five Thousand a Year
club in this wise:
The dear things! Why, they are merely bluffing.
The girl or woman is always more disinterested
than the boy or man. The girl or woman Is always
sure that she can "manage" some way or other,
while the boy or man wonders If he can "make it."
It Is the season of good wishes and prophecies, and
«o we predict that the president of the Los Angeles
club will marry her chauffeur, if she has one; that
the first vise president will marry a $75 a month
bank clerk; that the second vice president will
marry a $50 a month dry goods clerk; that the sec
retary will elope with a plumber, and that the
treasurer will—well, perhaps she will have sense
enough to stay single.
OF INFINTE VARIETY
Husbands are so various. What, for instance, would
eugenics do to a husband whose wife complained to Judge
Graham in this city that her lawful spouse was addicted
to multifarious "joy riding" with other women? The
dialogue between the law and the lady ran like this:
"You go and crawl into that automobile, Mrs.
Fltzsimmons, some time early in the evening, and
stay there. Then your husband will not be able
to go without you."
"But he came to the house with a machine last
night—or this morning rather, at about 4 o'clock,
and took our three year old baby with him In an
automobile. After riding around they went to his
mother's house, 745 Kirkham street. I didn't have
time to more than half dress the child."
"Had your husband been drinking?" asked the
court.
"He had," answered the woman. "And what am
I to do If he goes out with the machine again to
night and takes seven girls, as he says he is go
ing to?"
"There ought to be a court of domestic relations,"
The San Francisco Sunday Call
said Judge Graham, "where such things could be
considered and if possible prevented. I wish there
were such a court. It would be useful In many ways.
But as*it is, the best I can do for you, madame, is to
advise you to stick to the automobile and trust to
luck."
You ask for eugenics and you get a lawsuit.
PANDORA BOX
When the sovereign people of California voted $18,
--000,000 to construct a system of state highways they
opened a Pandora's box of trouble's. Able editors in the
San Joaquin valley are keeping up a hot cannonade di
rected on the commissioners to compel the selection of
this, that or the other route. Far be it from me to meddle
in the fray or put in my oar to forward the cause of
any of the combatants. It is sufficient to say that the
state highway is a rocky road, for the commissioners at
least A. similar wrangle Is in progress. In Los Angeles
and Orange counties where two sets of noisy disputants
are pulling and hauling over the question whether the
highway shall follow the coast line or be located In the
heart of the counties. The speculators in beach lots In
that neighborhood want the road to boost their real estate
values, and the interior towns, of course, demand that
they shall be preferred.
OF COURSE, THE MONEY DEVIL
I find in the Anaheim Gazette an entertaining article
headed "The Recrudescence of Rabies." There is not
a word about mad dogs in the stuff which is exclusively
devoted to an exposition of the odious machinations of
the faction described as "the coast line boulevardiers," aa
for instance:
The announced purpose of coast line boulevar
diers to renew mandamus proceedings against the
state highway commission seeking to compel con
struction of the state road along the coast line from
San Juan to Santa Barbara, after they had given
out the statement that no further action along that
line was contemplated, seems to give color to the
report that efforts are making to delay work upon
state highways.
By way of further specifications these:
It Is not too much to say that the action of bond
buyers in declining to purchase bonds at this mo
ment is merely a part of the political scheme to
set at naught purposes of the highway commission
to build a system of roads throughout the state
sjong lines best suited to the Interests of & great
majority of the people.
As might have been expected, we learn from these spe
cifications that our ancient enemy the Money Devil la
still conspiring against the whites, butting In to defeat
the aspirations of the Just. If the financial fiend persist*
in his refusal to lend money at 4 per cent when he can
get sor 6 per cent on sound security, I suppose there
is nothing to be done but to order another investigation.
NEVER BEEN TEMPTED
In the column of letters from the people in the Los
Angeles Express I find these interesting and suggestive
observations contributed by a correspondent:
Noting the remarks of "Business Woman" re
garding "Lonesome Women." One reason there are
so many lonesome men and women In Los Angeles
Is on account of freak ordinances. If a man speaks
to a woman on the street he Is liable to arrest for
assault. In the parks the women are fenced off to
themselves. No mere man is allowed within this
sacred precinct, and if he inadvertently strays with
in its boundary it is accepted as "prima facie" evi
dence that he is there for no good purpose. He
might be a kidnaper; who knows? Anyway he is
immediately hustled out of there by the majesty
of the law before he has an opportunity to commit
a felony by speaking to one of Los Angeles' pro
tected women.
In sardonic vein the writer explains that "these goody
goody people are models of propriety and goodness—sim
ply because they never have had opportunities to be other
wise."
Aside from the freak legislation there is a curiously
malignant quality about Los Angeles politics. It hounded
Arthur C. Harper out of office, drove him Into bankruptcy
and shortened his life. The current affairs of Guy C.
Eddie, the city prosecutor, have developed into one of
the nastiest scandals ever exploited in California, and this
is true quite irrespective of the merits In conflict.
OFFICIALLY AND UNOFFICIALLY DEAD
I find in the Sacramento Union this telephone passage:
"Hello! This Is the police sation? We want a mad
dog killed out here in Twenty-ninth street."
"What, another? We killed one there an hour
ago."
"No you didn't. It's the same dog. We want
him killed."
But no mere hearsay evidence of this Sort could be
accepted, as the police blotter showed the report: "Dog
killed at 1717 Twenty-ninth street." The dog was official
ly dead without prejudice to his sanity or otherwise and
accordingly could not be killed again by the hand of the
law. In the meantime a handy delivery boy came along
with his ready gun and slaughtered the suspected animal
unofficially. The Union describes the official killing in
this wise:
Officer Bagley drew his trusty revolver, and, so
the neighbors allege, shot at the dog four feet
distant. The dog disappeared. Then ensued a long
wrangle as to whether the dog had been hit or not.
Officer Brown came on the scene in the meanwhile.
Davis insisted that the police verify the death at
the dog.
No one would crawl under the house, however,
to see. Officer Brown loaned his flashlight to Davis
while the latter courageously examined a part of
the basement.
Davis says he asked Brown to let him take his
revolver with him, but Brown refused. Finally the
police went away, insisting that the dog was dead,
although the corpus delicti was not in evidence.
He must be dead, inasmuch as Bagley shot him at
four paces away. Besides, the dog hadn't bitten
any one else while they were there.
At any rate the wretched beast is at length satisfactorily
dead, both officially and unofficially.