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The San Francisco call. (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, January 24, 1913, Image 6

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1 v>ALL
Balkan States Must Not
Be Forced to Carry
Turkish Indebtedness
allies. The islands oi the Aegean sea. those lyric isles of Greece "where
burning Sappho loved and sang." are to be returned to the Aryan hosts. The
question of indemnity remains for settlement.
The allies. backed, as they have been and are. by the powers, will demand
that Turkey pay them, as a minimum, an amount equal to the Turkish debts
attached to the territory which they will annex under the treaty. In addition
to this sum. the Balkan states will demand indemnification for the support
of their armies in the field from the time the armistice was signed to the
actual end of the w3r. This latter is a fair claim; the delay of the Turks in
submitting to the inevitable should not be charged up against the victorious
As for the Turkish debt levied against the Macedonian and other con
quered provinces, to lay that burden on the shoulders of the triumphant
allies would be an international absurdity, a crime against those nations.
The powers, which will have the final say in the adjustment of Balkan differ
ences, , are subservient to that one power, the power of the bankers. Those
bankers have lent the money to Turkey, the money which was used to out
rage the provinces afflicted with Turkish misrule, and they do not want to
lose their stake. But they should lose it if Turkey is not compelled to pay.
The Balkans must not be •Tmed" for their splendid mercy to the
Turkish districts.
Mr. Prutzman Puts the
Neocene Period After
His Term of Office
to designate the middle portion of the American cenozoic time and respond
ing to the combined miocene and pliocene periods of the Lyellian classi
fication" is not common tea table gossip. If that stupid creature, the lay
man, started after the word he would have to search for the definition "of
miocene and pliocene and cenozoic; he would lose his way in the tertiary
and stumble over fossils and whatnot, and forget what he went after. It
suits the la}man very well to know that there is such a word as neocene in
the dictionary, without bothering about what it stands for.
But when one is promoted out of the azoic lay class into the expert
stratum he must first inform himself on "neocene,"' or he will be held to be
neocenic, that is, in the fossil class.
Mr. Paul W. Prutzman, sometime of the state mining bureau, did not
inform himself fully on the neocene age. He is therefore officially com
mitted to the triassic period.
First the state board of control discovered that Mr. Prutzman, while
supposed to be collecting data for an oil bulletin to be issued by the state
mining bureau, was engaged in private and corporation work and that the
material for the bulletin was not even determined upon. That alleged neglect
of duty relegated Mr. Prutzman to the glacial age, the state board of control
supplying the temperature appropriate to the period.
Then, on Tuesday of this week, Prutzman was a witness in the United
States court, testifying in the oil land suits brought by the government
against the Southern Pacific company. He used the word "neocene" in a
careless, learned sort of way, and the federal attorney asked him what he
meant by it. Prutzman then explained that he was not a geological expert
and did not know the meaning of the term.
Usually it is not necessary to delve as far down as the strata of the
neocene period to undermine an inexpert geologist. Pleistocenic excavation
will usually do the trick. But it is good for the service of the state mining
bureau that Mr. Prutzman's stratum was reached. The neocene period ended
his sentence.
California Must Get
Into South American
Trade Competition
'- ~ - 1 of South American trade. The entry is
easy, according to Mr. Chandler, but that does not mean that the trade can
be secured automatically. The salesman be prepared for his field; he
must understand the people with whom he will deal; he must have a knowl
edge of Portuguese and speak Spanish with some fluency before he can hope
to engage in commerce.
In an addre?s delivered before the American Manufacturers' Export
association in New York city, Mr. Chandler .'-aid:
Argentina has 7,000.000 people, and even now $7.32 a year is being spent
fir North American goods by every man, woman and child. «"7inipar<? thfs
with 6 cents per capita for American goods in China and $1.29 in .Tapan.
We export too many nod-competitive articles, too much raw material and
not enough manufactures in which we shou'd be competing with Bufnpe.
We have every possible ditarivantnare in American export tiad<\ There are
no American banks, but many foreign banks, in America. AYe have
almost no American ships. And, worst of all, there is a fearful dearth of
properly trained, gentlemanly salesmen. Salesman, not peddlers, are desired.
To acquire this trade is not a problem for. one section of the country.
It should be a national undertaking. The United States has sought the con
fidence of those important nations, and it should seek their trade as well.
The strength and wealth of those countries is not appreciated by the United
States. California has had opportunities to develop a rich trade with the
west coast of South America, but has done little or nothing. With the
opening of the Panama canal we will have no advantage in distance, over the
Atlantic states. Hut the canal will bring us closer to the rch east coast to
the great nations of Brazil and Argentina and their tK ghbors. In the
national striving for their trade California should compete with energy and
j and wisest statesmen; we have had presi
dents with a ready smile—and one of
them is about to depart with the smiling
— -'j good wishes of afl people: we have had
presidents who used such expletives as
"bully" and "dee-lightfd"—and one of them is today an important substation
on the national high tension power line; but never have we had a president
who recited limericks. We are to have one on March 4 next. President elect
Wilson is a connoisseur of that condensed and delicate form'of wit.
Where Lincoln would tell a story to emphasize a point, Wilson may
choose to recite a limerick.
When he was asked if he ever wore a silk hat, the future <hief dignitary
of the United States of America replied: '
Pm lib« the benighted old Hindoo,
Who does everything; that ho kin do;
He Btieka to his cast?
From first until last.
And for clothing he make? his skin do
The limerick is a digested syllogism metrically expressed. Eminent
critics maintain that it is nine times better than the sonnet, because it has nine
less lines. The president eWt probably acquired the limerick habit of expres
sion at Princeton university, which i< a hotbed for its culture.
A presidential message under the limerick school of expression might
The Philippines over the s<-as
Are entitled to full liberties;
We'll K<-i mal <ie tser
If we travii that for. . ... », s v. ~,>--■':
Lowly 'Limerick' Comes
Into Its Own With
The Wilson Regime
Turkey sees the light. "With its
promise to surrender Adrianoplc to the
Balkan allies come? a promise of an end
to the war. which has been <<hort. bloody
and skillfully campaigned by the Bul
garian. Servian. Montenegrin and Greek
Ignorance of the neocene age is not
an indictable offense. Not to know that
it is a tautological word from the Greek
meaning, in its two syllable?, respect
ively, "new" and "recent," is pardonable.
That it is a "geological term, employed
by the United States geological survey
Charles Lyon Chandler, former United
States minister to Peru and now con
nected with the state department in
Washington, is doing able service in the
east with pen and voice in arousing
American merchants to the possibilities
Shear Nonsense
>o l»f
"Let me eel] you this encyclopedia."
"Xopp, Xo use to me. My son is
coming; homo from college pretty soon
an" he'll know everything that's in
it.'"—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Two IlrlenM
One of the ladies in fancy dress waß,
t'immi; fnir fenorigti, a trifle stout, an<i
we will not say that slio did not tool!
well out of the thirties. Ami there
spoke to lit a reporter:
■ Ma-.- I ask what character you rep
resent ?"
"Helen of Troy." she answered.
"What did you think it wa«?"
"Well," lie murmured, unKallantly
enough, as weights and m°asures con
fused his brain and lie Razed on her
ample proportions, "I thought you
might he Helen of Avoirdupois."—Bos
ton Post.
Observing Child
po kiss nurse good
nipht and let her put ymi to bed.
Little Helen—Don't want to: She
slaps folks that try to kiss her now.
Mother—Why, what a story, Helen!
Helen --Well, you ask papa if
don't. —Jack O" I,antern.
Such n Shock
First Messenger Boy—l had to take a
pretty tough wire up to that Kild<\v
jrirl on de aye dis mornin". Railway
smash an' a lot of her folks badly
hurt. She- niHile me stay fer de reply
while' she read it.
Second Messenger Boy—Did she
"What did - e h" fsv , "
"She Raid: 'What do you know about
that?"" —Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Bn«k of tli<- Hour
"ft is the no.vel of the hour."
"Think so?"
■'Vps; there hasn't been a better
written since 11:30 last night."—Kan
sas City Journal.
SuHnble Capital
"What did your cousin put Into the
capital ptock vt liis new firm?"
"Nothing , ."
'Midn't have t.n. Tt's a vacuum busi
ness."—Baltimore American.
"I do not see that you are practicing
economy by buying a *I."> hand has for
your wife."
"Its interior is so complex that by
the tinie she finds money for street
car fare her rornpnnlon will have paid
for her."—Buffalo Express.
William H. Maxwell, the superin
tendent of New York's echoole, said
tlie olher day. apropos of eertaiei dema
gogic proposals:
"Hut the r*>st- definition of a dema
gogue will always remain that of a
little girl of 7. who said:
" 'A demagog-ue is a vessel containing
•beer and other liquids.' "
A Tennessee collector boasts the pos
g*ealofi of l!»nrt pitchers. Nobody fnvies
him. If he lias any If>l3 ones, let htm <
send them on.—Cleveland Plaindealer.
rnlv*r«Jty Tralnlns;
"What'd your hoy. Bill, take to most
while studying; his agricultural cdupfc
up atth" univf>r.sity?'"
"City life, by Jupiter: After gradu
ating ho cathe hark here, talked the
hank out of $300, opened a moving
picture show and pai<l the mortgage
off this he-re farm in three months."—
St. Louis Republic
I _ _
{Los Angela Trtbunt Jan. JO)
Judging Hastily
When a Reattle journalist
leased The San Frantysop GUI
I UmV( arose a local tpudoiicy to
I belittle the -Seattle puFh.' , This
without waitirg to s»e what
changes there would he in the
f character and policy of the paper.
Thr> outcry was dup to preju
dice, and to outsiders was tem
pprarlly misleading. Tfiiere fcas
' Jseen time to reach a verdi t.
l*nd<=r its i>ew ma Oβ K%fn en t i
|j The Call is clean, progressive and
enterprlains:. Jf had heen In Seed
of push, and Seattle push poems I
j to have bpf>n the exact Inand to
I fill the j
Aimed Shots and Aimless
- Over€lreKse»l
I'm neither dandy, fob nor dude,
r.ut yr-t I l<>ok my best.
And though my tailor's very crude,
Folks know I'm overdressed.
And thar <ffc> t. as you will note,
I get by clever ruse—
I simply wear my overcoat,
Likewise, niy qv» rshocs!
* »■;«• T*
Probably the Turks* figure that the
only way in which they can adequately
retaliate against the Balkan states is
to let them keep tiie land they con
queried;" ' •
* * *
A bll] has hern introduced in the as
pjMnbiy making it a misdemeanor to
rais*» false hopes. In other words, pro
viding that all liquor signs in a "dry"
town be removed.
* * *
It's all very well to advise people to
do their Christmas shopping early, but
did you over try to buy a toy for the
baby in January?
* ii- *
Drafting I. ft Men
Because a man is a graduate of the
University of California is no reason
why he should be given public office.
But it is a reason .why he should be
qualified for public office, and should
accept public responsibilities, even at
a personal sacrifice.
Governor Johnson has appointed to
the office of gtate mineralogist Fletcher
M. Hamilton, a graduate of the uni
versity with the cfciss of 1904. To ap
point a man to that position has been
in the past equivalent to seating him
in a chair upholstered with political
dynamite and professional nitro
glycerin. It takes a good, practical
man to break the fuses.
It is not the function of a state uni
versity to create a bureaucracy, aii'l a
university graduate is nowhere so out
of place as under the plum tree, but
the state university man should bo the
best trained man in his line of en
deavor, and if public office is to mean
public service, then the university
graduate should be in public office.
The graduate of the mining college
at Berkeley has successfully carried his
training into every mining camp in
the world. Now let the state share in
the advantages of that training.
* •* *
A bill hga hern introduced in the
senate providing for a week of medi
tation between the issuance of the mar
riage license and the performance of
the ceremony. That will give the.
couple time to decide if the wedding
Queries Answered
NE<;K<> AS PRESIDENT—T. P. X.. nt.r.
Thpr<> is nothing i.i tlit- i-onstimtion of to«
i: n>l ted statf- inn ia the lawn erf cMcresa which
"PftTgUtt !i iii'jsrn Lm->iii ir> the l.'olted Stairs hihl
ba\ iujc all c'lu-titiitiiHKil iptHllfic-itioiiN" fioiu
brini; a < andidate for the presidency of tUe
United. States.
* * *
TWO FIRES TV. J. F.. City. The fire that
(lputroyf(l the ilist'>r.v building In IMrket etrert
between Third mum Fourth. jji'iierall.v known a<
tit*- Bancroft building, occniwd uuring the after
noon ..f April .*!<», 1886, The Baldwin hotel tire
occurred <>a t!i«- utornlDg of November "'-j, lsys.
* * *
MADGE IfORRtS WAiiNKR-S.. City. Madjre
Morris Wajrner dM publish a t»>"k of poMBM, bat
it Is <ni(|t>!iti\ mil of print, as it dnpw not appear
in Jitiy (if the publishers" catalogu«e at this
* * *
RinAIYAT-T.. OaklHtri. TW roraninc or
"KiitmiTut" liy Omar Kiia.v.Vflin Perefcw port, is
<|ii»trains -tlmt is, .-,iaia«s of four Uues, rhyin
iug alti.iiiKtoly.
* * *
WHITT: TRASH T.. Oakland. "Poor svhit»
trash" is nsi <*|i*es,i<m us<ci In th»- •oatbern
(imuml StaTi'-.. nn.l nww tl:c peat and luw wliile
populaiiou of ti.r sfi\ithcri! Watt*.
* ♦ ♦
NATTVF. SON -<:. J.. City. If "" of
th»- naturalisatioH bni*ia mado n "f »
Nativi' Son of i\ lo (;„]<]( n Wost w'no Bripfiir*>d a*
a wltnos-N for a foraijcwr hr, "Hiited t>> I>p
that h» •■?<> and wirar* his natttriil
btatloo pHpirs anil proanco tliPin txforp w<Mii.}
t>. K«.,rn » witups- for tho t<irp\g'icr," he
I tiin*t hi the tlnif hMTP mlsuinliTstood (he imtiro
jvm or plm' bwn dreaming.
KIXDKRfJAnTEN--P. E. X Santa Ro=a. Fir
such inf'>rmntion us y-.u dn«lM abMt kinder
jrartpn tcaebiag aiMrmn ih* , <JntP Klnrtpr.
carton SASOCtatiOfl, Itil" California ctrrf>t. San
* * *
CIRCrs B. n. S.. n.'Hnes. It h not "cn<tn
rnary for sn ln.-orp..rated city t-> gnu in tit oo a
lar>;p < irrus so mui'li nion«-y hefere it pvs to
show tliciT."' Th«- railn'Hd riTßy>»eW* <1" not
"tiunsport a irircu* fmui place to place fri-p uf
presents receive* justify the step con
* * *
President Rlple? of tlie Santa Fe says
the express companies do not make
much more than the postofnce depart
ment. Perhaps Mr. Ripley will specify
when the postofnce department declared
a 299 per cent dividend.
* * *
Tt is s-aid that ihe husband of Helen
Gould Sliopard lias no fortune. Neither
had her sister's husband. But there
is an unprecedented lack of l>lll col
lectors trailing , this latest bridegroom.
* * *
CIW« Them What They Want
President T,aft\s taste in music has
been criticised. More than half the
28 numbers played by the United States
marine band at the New Year reception
at the White hou.se were "rag time"
Was the president wrong in having
"reg time" played?
Ortainly not. Somewhere he had
read the aphorism, me write the
songs of a nation and I care not who
writes the laws."
The people of the United States, with
the exception of those residing in Utah
and Vermont, decided that they did
not want Mr. Taft to continue'to write
their laws. "But I can have, my band
play their music for them," said the
president. And he did.
Mr. Taft believes In representative
government; he does not accept the
idea that a president should be a dic
tator. Examination of the piano tops,
dance programs , , orchestra cabinets and
talking machine cupboards of the coun
try would convince any one that "rag
tinge" music is the music of the people.
President Taft might know as well as
W. Anthony that Soniebodyovtteh's
opus 29 is better stuff than Somebody
else's "The Chicken Klip for Mine," but
the people preff-r the ] ;i tfor—and what
can the chief executive of a represen
tative government do?
* * *
Lightweight Fred4Je Welsh Is highly
praised by middle weight Elbert Hub
bard for "never saying a purple word."
Then Fra Blbefios is fined for send
ing improper matter through the mail.
To keep the circulation of his many
periodicals unhindered the astute Mr.
Hubbard should hire Freddie as a
proof reader.
* * *
"fOxpert" T'i utzman made an lrrev
etant reply when asked "What do you
mean by neocene?"
He replied: "I'm not a geologist."
He should have replied, "There are
ladies present."
The Necessary Thing
It's well to he Writing a book, or
painting a trop and a brook; hut. Kliza
bptb Ann, If you'd p!en.«f> sordid man,
you'd bettpr be learning to cook! I
knnw you're a ppaoh and a beiut at
playing: the harp and the flute; hut the
man that you wed will expect to l»e fed
on botfstoak, potatoes and fruit. So
many, Elizabeth Ann. ran paint on a
rase or a fan; so many r- ar i ring like
the bird." In the spring—so few can do
things with a pan! So many sweet
maidens can take a box and some rib
bons and make a nic« rustic clock that
would plen.se Mr. Kok—and so few can
Set busy atvl b t kf>: So many can stand
and recite the rhyme about curfew to
nisht! But where is the maid who can
make marmalade, or mix up :t salad
jiißt riprht? I 'can't eat a chrome, my
dear, and a book tastes exceedingly
queer; when I'm empty I long- not for
sonnet or sonar, but for well roasted
chunk of a steer. The housekeeping
girl is a pern—the girl who can bake,
stew and hem! The girls who can play
on pianos all day—tlu-ies never a
shortage of them.
One of the Drawbacks
It is impossiblr for a man to make his
family understand how ba.l business Is
whPii Kitting fatter and fat
tor. —New York Pr«ss.
Wf note the headline "What is Stylo?"
Well, difficulty in brpathins and wnlk
itier are pretty certain signs of it—Chi
cago lnter-ucean.
*-v jBW
(This department is fnr the expression of th*
of I ht> Calls ree.Krs witliin the Hmits of
brovit.r mid temperate iittrranoo. The (all <l<w>s
not nwpssHrily ftflprnTT , any opinion so rxpmwi,
nor d<w>* it Hgrpp to puNisfe pvpi-v i-'.niniUDicatfnri
snhnitttfHl. I otfprs t'<r this <If>|>artuir-nt sliouM
not nerti ?.m w.,nls; thi-y wmiiil tiptUr **
shorter than that. Tliht BOOM all (tirp writ
er's triii- nsinp nn<) address, tlioufch not n£ees
b*rily lur publication.*
Editor Call: I like your "Six A. M"
edition. Get it every morning on my
way to work. It does good service
before the day is done. At leas-t half
a dozen of the boys in our shop man
age to read it, and all like it.
—Well Wisher.
San Francisco.
Editor Call: There was a splendid
ed.torlal in The Call of January 20.
entitled "California's Foolish Tax on
Its Registered Ships." Tn this editorial
you point out very clearly and very
well how this tax is causing ships
which really make San Francisco their
home port, to be registered in New
York and other ports which do n<>t
tax shipping. You also call attention
to the fact that in 1906 a constitutional
amendment, exempting shipping from
taxation was submitted to the people
and that this amendment was defeated.
T should like to call your attention
to the fact that this amendment car
ried In the city and county of San
Francisco, but was defeated in the
state by nearly two to one.
Since that time the people have had
another opportunity to adopt a con
stitutional amendment which would
make this exemption possible. The
homY rule in taxation amendment was
designed to meet just such situations
as this. Where the people of a county
wish to put in force a certain exemp
tion which will be to the benefit of
that county but which is of no par
ticular interest to the rest of the state.
This amendment would permit any
county, city, or town to exempt from
taxation one or more classes of per
sonal property. The people of San
Francisco are undoubtedly in favor of
exempting shipping. -The.y voted for
this exemption in 1906. The rest of
the state has voted against It once and
might do so again. Under the home
rule in taxation amendment this ques
tion of exempting shipping registered
in San Francisco, a question which is
the exclusive concern of San Francisco,
would be left entirely to the voters of
San Francisco.
This amendment is now before the
legislature, and I would recommend
that The Call give its support to the
measure as offering the best and most
logical means of securing the exemp
tion of shipping from taxation. Very
San Francisco.
the \m;ii.ij( recall
Editor Call: Permit me, as one of
the common people, to applaud the
great work the women of San Frah
e.isco have undertaken, namely, the
recall. I overheard a remark yesterday
by one of our leading citizens in which
he stated they should let "Well er"
nough alone. Happily we live in a
safe and sane age, for as I understand
it, the recall movement is far less
painful than the booting out process
described by our grandfathers. It is
idiotic rot and pure bunk about outside
influence: best call it inside influence.
It is high time to unmask some of our
alleged dispensers , of .iustice, for
they've been "Wooling the Pull" too
Ferry Tales
DID you ever try to board a west
bound car on Market street, near
California? If your time is valu
able, or if you don't have to take up
the strap hanger's burden at that point,
don't do it. If you have plenty of
time and are interested in games of
chance, go there some day and try to
guess where the next car will stop.
There are some pretty bright guessers
among the tired business men who
Jiaunt California street in the day
time, but the best of them acknowl
edges this to be the most uncertain
game of chance that he ever tackled.
It was president of the-
Seaboard bank, who discovered the dif
ference of opinion among motormen
as to where the stop for California
street should be made. It is a well
known axiom that the existence of un
certainty is an invitation to gamble.
Tyson never gambles, but his discovery,
just the same, was , responsible for the
new game—"streetcar dice," they call
it—that is now Interesting California
street during the noon hour.
Tyson made the discovery this way:
He "was in a hurry to go up town one
day. He saw a westbound car stop to
pick up a passenger. Tiie car was on
its way before he could get around to
the starboard side, so he waited at
that same spot for the next car. He
signaled the motorman, but the car
shot by and stopped about 50 feet
further'west. Jt started before Tyson
could reach it. Thinking he had made
a mistake, he waited there for the next,
rt stopped about 25 feet before it
reached him. He walked back 25 feet.
The next car stopped 10 feet beyond
where he was standing. He ran and
taught it. and as he steppel aboard
the conductor glared at him and said:
"If you people would stand at the
regular stopping place you'd have less
trouble boarding cars."
* * *
It has , been discovered, by observa
tion, that "the regular stopping place"
is anywhere the motorman likes within
a stretch of about "00 feet. California
street. In parties of two or more, strdlls
down there after luncheon and plays
■•street car dice" for the cigars. The
300 feet is divided into zones. As a
car approaches each player announces ,
the zone in which he thinks it will stop
and the worst guesser buys the
The same uncertainty exists at nearly J
every similar gor* where the stopping j
place is not established by the location j
of a safety station. The commuters
are among: the. United Railroads' Wst
patrons. They ride regularly and fcot
very far as a rule. Any commuter Prom
Alameda county could tell Manager
Black how to stop the game of "street
car dice." The problem has been solve
across the bay by the simple experient
of suspending, at each regular stopping:
plftc-H. a triangular metallic sign bear
ing the legend. "Car Stops." plain
letters on either side. This sign is
hung , on one of the cross wires that
holds the trolley in place. The signs
are inexpensive and the places to hang
them are already installed. After the
signs are up all that is necessary ,s to
see that the cars stop there.
This plan would spoil an Interesting
pastime, but never mind about that.
California street will find some other
way to stick bad gnessers for its cigars.
♦ » #
Talking- about streetcars, here i* a
lfftf from the loe: of a voyage from
the fe?ry to Third street. The leaf was
extracted, it may be noted, by, the sim
ple expedient of minding other peo
ple's business, a diversion guaranteed
to kill the monotony of the slowest
•'1 whs to : meet my husband at noon
and I'm half an lmur late," chuckled
one woman to another.
'Gee! Won'j he be mad?" The othe»
woman was quite concerned. "Perhaps
he won't wait."
"Won't w-ilt! Mv husband always
waits when I tell him. He's going wf'fh
me to hp}p select some rugs. He 11 wait
all right."
"You're lucky to ha>e a husbnnd like
that." rather plaintively said the other
woman. 'Mine won't go anywhere with
me' until after 5 o'clock. Me always
say-* that a man Ims no right to go
shopping in business hours, i'our hus-I
JANUARY 24, 1913
long over the people's eyes. An<l bj
all mollis divorce our pollof court from
the parasitica I bond brokers and bail
grafters who have made a continuous
vaudeville performance of our etwirts
and judges. JOHN J. BUY Nβ.
yan Francisco.
Editor Call: In your editorial on
changing the name of San Jose, the
old joke is brought forward again
about the easterner who pronounces it
"San Joes," the inference beting that
only Californians are capable of coping
with the difficulties of Spanish pro
nunciation. T fancy, however, the
Spanish official who was here recently
must have been amused in hearing you
Californlans speak of the Alcazar (»u
renting the last s;:!!ab!<>> theater; and
of the state prison at San Quintun.
J. 11. SMITH.
San Francisco.
Editor Call: On January 1 of this
year the United States postoffice made
some improvements in its parcel post
service. Congress permitted this slight
advance, which at the same time was
a retrogression, in thnt It reintroduced
the iniquitous and obsolete zone sys
tem, and cumbered that with a special
stamp requirement.
This morning I opened the New Year
edition of the British postal guide. On
page 830 I find In the left outer
gin "United States of America, offl<
service, all places in the United States."
<This includes Alaska.) I'a reels not
exceeding I pounds. Is 3d (30 cents*;
7 pounds, 2s 3d (54 cents*; 11 pounds.
3s 3d (78 cents). Our domestic rates
for the same parcels would be, re
spectively. 36 cents. 84 cents and $1.3-.
while the British parcels are collected
in Great Britain, sent across the At
lantic and delivered anywhere in th<*
I'nited States for less money than the
American pays for packages simply
traversing his own country. T nafghi
add that on the same and the next
page is proof that the express compa
nies are carrying all British semioffi
cial post parcels up to 11 pounds be
tween New York and any point in the
union for 24 cents.
I further find in the same guide a
list of some 2SO "foreign and colonial
places of destination," beginning with
Abyssinia and ending with Zanzibar,
to which latter parcels are mailed up
to 3 pounds for 24 cents, 7 pounds, 4S
cents, and 11 pounds. 72c; the former
has a flat rate up to 11 pounds for 4s
6d ($1.08). Other sample rates are:
To Italy—Three pounds, ,°.2 cents; 7
pounds, 44 cents; 11 pound*, U cents.
To Belgian Congo—Three pounds. 3S
cents; 7 pounds, 54 cents; 11 pounds,
62 cents. To Bermuda—Three pounds.
24c; 7 pounds, ?3 cents; 11 pounds, 72
cents. This last rate also applies to
British India, French India, Turkish
Arabia, places on the Persian gulf and
the West Indies and many other locali
ties. • • •
The advantage of such postal conve
niences it needs no words of mine to
enforce. • • •
Congress in the Bourne hill appears
to have left these matters in the hands
of the postmaster general and the in
terstate commerce commission. It
~ests with public opinion to stir these
gentlemen to action: Foreign rates
are already in the care of the pVet
master general and the president.
President Postal Progress League of
Pacific Grove, January IS.
l«nd must have been waiting niiH)»«n
time. Won't he have to be getting ,
bark t > his office?"
The better half of the model husband
"My husband.' - sh>* said as phe mo
tioned the conductor to stop the car,
"is well trained. 1 trained him."
♦ * *
Hubby was waiting all right.
"You're late." he growled, not a l<it
like a well trained husband.
"Well, J'm here now. Come on."
"Xothin' doln'. I'm due at the offiif
in five minutes and I'm going- there
now. Goodby."
He went. "too. I will say for the
other woman that when she laujfhed
she turned her head so that the hus
l«nd trainer couidn t see her face
* * ♦
"John: , ' protested an Oakland mother
the other day as she stepped off tl»«
train and was greeted with an infor
mal "HeMo. moth," by a small and very
disreputable small boy. 'Why can't
you keep clean? Pull lip your storking
and tin-k in that shirt. Mothers
ashamed of you."
John grinned. Mother proceeded , , as
mothers will, bless 'em. to Improve the
"When your little friends see' you
looking so untidy they'll say. T,,or
John he must have a terrible mother
to let him go out like that.' or else
they'll say, 'Isn t John a little rag
amuffin? , "
"Their mothers might talk like that."
John admitted, "but kids don't rare,
and I don't play with the mothers."
-— •-—„
Twain's Christmas Present
Juet before Christinas a mr'mter
named Scoft said One day:
"Mr. Clemens, you an extra
overcoat hunting in the co&troofn. fvp
got to attend my uncles funeral and
its raining very hard. Id like to
wear it."
The coat was an old one. in the'
pockets of whirh Clemens kept a mtN
nncholy assortment of pipes, soiled
handkerchiefs, neckties, letters an!
what not.
"Scott,' he raid, "if you won't los
anything out of the pockets of that
coat you may wear it."
An hour or two later '"lemens found
a notice in his mail box that a pack
age for him was in the office H«
called for it and found a neat bundle
which somehow had a Christmas loofci
He carried it up to the reading roonW
with a showy air.
"Xow boys." he Mid, "you may make
air the fun of t hritsmas you but
its pretty nice, after all, to be remem
They gathered around and he undid
the package. it was filled with the
pipes, soiled handkerchiPfs and other
articles from the old overcoat Scott
had taken special precautions against
losing them.
Mark Twain resrarded them in
silence, then he drawled:
'Well, blast that Scott. 7 hone n j s
uncle's funeral will be a failure" Th»
Unc> Tom's Cabin. like th' crtm V
inal. alhis returns f th , si-en* ,y Itsli
crime. Most everthtn« we have f
have these days is a luxury .

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