The San Francisco call. [volume], January 29, 1913, Image 4

About The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913

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WEDNESDAY
THE^CALL
"AN INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPER—THE NEWS
PAPER OF AUTHORITY"
Discoverer of a True
Tuberculosis Serum
Entitled to Reward
plague," or living in dread of it. will not concur. Anything that will actually
and dependably cure consumption will be worth the price, though the figure
be s-et in millions.
Why should not the successful pioneer of the medical unknown be well
paid for his work? It is work, and nothing else, that brings results in that
field. Khrlich did not make his revolutionary discovery by accident; Pasteur,
Koch. Kitasato and all the others of the brilliant company of bacteriological
investigators advanced the frontiers of knowledge only by the utmost of toil
and sacrifice. No royal road runs that way.
The discoverer in other branches of science, the industrial inventor, is
paid in both fame and pelf. Why should not the discoverer who brings to
humanity a cure or prophylactic for any of its manifold inheritance of fleshly
ills have something more than a great name for his reward?
The Berlin investigator who believes that he has found a serum treat
ment that will cure tuberculosis is understood to have set a million dollars
as his price. If his belief is well founded, if he can demonstrate the efficacy
und the reasonable certainty of his discovery, he ought to get his price.
Economically its value to civilization would be many times as great.
A former Californian left more than a million dollars to be devoted to
research with regard to cancer, that other terror of the race. For that and
sim*H_T purposes a living American multimillionaire has contributed ten times
as much. No money was ever put to better use. With such funds available,
the highest skill and ability can be enfisted for the good of mankind; there
can be concentration, comparison and co-operation among a company of
experts working with the best obtainable equipment aud materials; there can
be secured the large number of cases needed for experimentation and obser
vation. The money permits concerted and deliberate invasion of the deeper
mysteries of life; thus battalions may hew to results where otherwise the lone
student would pay and walk his solitary way toward new knowledge.
Fortunately, if it be true that Friedman of Berlin has fixed the price of
his discovery, the man with the money rises up to meet the man with the
precious secret. An American banker offers a million dollars if the German
investigator will come to this country and prove his remedy upon a fixed
number of patients, including the banker's Son in law. It is a fair offer, and
report says thai it may be accepted.
The expressed intention of the American is to donate the cure to the
world if it stands the test prescribed. He cheerfully admits that payment of
the million dollars may strip him of his wealth, but argues that he could do
nothing better for his fellow men. Indeed, he could not. Should the Fried
man serum be thus proved by the aid of Mr. Finlayson's money, then the
banker's name will be bracketed with that of the scientist forever in the
regard of grateful humanity. Such a discovery would be a boon and blessing
to all the race beyond any estimation of worth and value, not only in suffer
ing and sorrow saved, but in actual cost and loss.
Vocational Training
The Secret of Keeping
Pupils in School
that was not the case, particularly in
America. They were probably, on the whole, so bad that their victims did
not rise to a realization of their unworth. Finally educational critics were
produced, and then the modern system came in for its lashings.
Dissatisfaction with the modern system is due to the fact that it does
not meet the modern demands. The social and industrial life of America
has changed greatly, but the educational system, vaguely experimenting for
something better, has failed to reach the social and industrial plane of
the nation.
To hold his own in business, a youth must come to the barrier stripped
for the race, with his vocational brain tissues prepared. He must not have
crowded the cells with unassimilated lore to the exclusion of practical things.
The modern system of education is arranged chiefly to prepare the pupil for
college, when but a small percentage of the students goes that far. It
would seem more practical, if there were no room for an alternative, to train
all children for the business world and let those who wish to enter college
dig their way.
But there is room for an alternative. Children can be trained for college
or for life—it is curious that those terms which often are synonymous can
and do so easily become antithetical.
San Francisco has taken a half step in making schools practical, and has
received the commendation of the Christian Science Monitor for the dress
making work of the high school pupils. The Monitor says:
The instruction of girls in useful work need not be confined to making
dresses. It could take in the whole range of needlework. It could take
in the entire field of woman's peculiar activities. But if it were confined
to needlework, so that girls upon leaving school could make their own
clothing—could dress themselves economically—that, in itself, would be
a great gain, if at the same time the high s<fhoc4 girl could graduate
kj- a good cook, so much the better. And if, while showrrrg proficiency
with the needle and in the kitchen, she could also make a good showing
;n the three _C_, it might be said in her case truly that public education
had proved successful.
There is this important argument in favor of cultural teaching: such
instruction may never be acquired outside of school. But the world is filled
with factories where, after his fashion, a boy may acquire a trade. There is
always at school the pupil whose hands want to be busy. If he can learn
the rudiments of a trade in school better than in a factory, he will stay and
accept instruction in other branches, involuntarily improving his mind as he
increases bis dexterity. And he will be better oft" than the boy who finds in
school nothing but books, no chance for manual training, and who, on that
account, will quit school for the factory. ,
Million Dollar Opera
House Will Give City
Immeasurable Prestige
municipal opera house, which will belong in perpetuity to the cfty of San
I rancisco. Tbe subscribers to the building fund will have seats reserved for
tion on privately owned land.
The criticisms which have been made against the municipal opera house
plan are postulated on pessimism. It is claimed, on the one hand, that the
city does not benefit by the opera house because the management will be
\e-ted in the majority of the directors who represent the musical associa
tion; and on the other hand, that the venture will not be a success because
llie management will be vested in these business men instead of in a practical
theatrical man.
In the days oi violent opposition lo the Geary street railroad it was
argue- that it would never be a success under municipal operation because
il would be run by politician-. It is too early yet to say if it will be *a success
or not; but it is not being run by practical politicians, but by an experienced
railroad man. Why can not a practical, experienced theatrical man be
secured to manage the opera house, just as well as a practical, experienced
lailroad man was secured for the Geary street road?
San Francisco is to have a beautiful opera house, which will add
immeasurably to its prestige—as a city of esthetic perceptions and aspira
tions. Let its people be alert and vigilant and wise, ami the opera house
will be one more proof of the sufficiency of western optimism.
There may be professional objection,
urged on ethical grounds, to the Fried
man treatment for tuberculosis because
Modern educational systems are at
tacked with such energy and so much
sense that the wonder is what worse
could have been said of the systems of
other days. Were they so good that
they incurred no disfavor? We know
San Francisco is to have a million dol
lar opera house. The subscribers of the
San Francisco Musical associafton have
raised that sum,, instead of the $750,000
promised, for the purpose of construct-
EDITORIAL PAGE OF THE CALL
Feirry Tales
IF the statesmen and sportsmen now
engaged in designing laws for the
further regulation of duck hunting
would make a few trips on the ferry
steamers, where everybody that has an
opinion expresses* .it. they might get
some valuable pointers. They may
travel on boats regularly, for all 1
know, but again ttiey may not: and
even if they do their minds may be so
occupied thinking up schemes which
will enable the duck hunters to eat
their pie and have it that they may
not hear w-hat is going on around
them.
Consider, for instance, the proposi
tion to forbid the '"selling" of ducks
for a term of years, as an expedient
for the preservation of an important
branch of the anatidae family. This
seemed reasonable enough until some
body on the Piedmont the other morn
ing said so.
"If a law like that passed," said a
tall man who puffed aggressively on
the clammy remains of a dead cigar,
'"ducks would become more valuable
than money. Its kindly feeling for the
gentleman sportsman would never per
mit the legislature to enact a law that
would forbid him giving away ducks.
The effect of the ban on the sale of
ducks would merely make the sports
man's presents more valuable. That
law would put me out of business."
"Thought yrrti were in the insurance
business?" Interjected a listener.
"So I am. That's why it would ruin
me. Just to show you how the ducks
hit me even now. I belong to no gun
club. Wouldn't do me any good if I
did, for I cah't shoot worth a whoop.
You know So-and-so? He joined a club
this season and what he's done to some
of my best lines is a shame. He goes
out every week. "Whether he shoots
'em. buys, begs, steals or traps 'em I
don't khow, but he always gets the
limit, and, believe me, he makes good
use of it. Everybody he knows that
has any insurance to place gets from
a couple to half a dozen ducks, with
his compliments. I offset this by buy
ing a bag once in a while and dis
tributing them where they'll do me
some good. If that law went into ef
fect people would be bribing him with
business to get a few ducks.
"They say that the proposed law is
in the interest of sport. Let me sug
gest a law that would give them all
the sport they wanted and would pro
tect the ducks by putting the market
hunter out of business. Let them
make it a felony to remove the body
of a duck from the county In which it
was killed."
* * #
"Felony" may seem a bit severe, but
the suggestion is submitted as a pos
sible solution of a vexed question.
* .* *
Some of the deputy game wardens
now engaged in enforcing the laws for
the protection of the domestic duck's
wild ancestor are -paid, so another man
on the ferry boat explained to a crowd
gathered around him on the after
deck, out of the fines imposed on such
victims as they gather in. This pay
ment by piece work is responsible for
an activity, so the man said. that
would make a birddog look like a
graven Image. He illustrated by re
lating an inHdent that occurred, he
said, under his observation.
■::- * *
A boy, standing near Third street
on Market, was selling ducks from a
bag that he carried slung around his
shoulders. A deputy game warden ap
peared and ordered the boy to turn
the ducks out on the sidewalk. He
wanted to count them. There were 13.
This was under the limit but proved
an unlucky number just the same.
"Come with me," said the warden,
making a hypnotic pass with his badge
of office.
At Second street, also on Market,
they met a not let* boy. He too had a
bag of ducks. There were 19 ducks
In the bag carried by the second boy.
"Thiiteen's all right." said the dep
uty, "and nineteen's all right, but 10
and 13 make 32 and that's seven more
than the law allows."
ITe seised the ducks and took one
of the boys into custody.
* * *
That was the story as it was told.
Later tbe boy was liberated and the
ducks restored to their respective
owners, the narrator continued, but
didn't his listeners think, he wanted
to know, that it was about time that
deputy was placed on a regular sal
ary?
For the comfort of those troubled
souls who read in the recent cold
spell evidence that somebody had been
monkeying with the Japan current,
and for the confounding of the pessi
mists who donned furs those frosty
mornings and declared that the clima,te
was changing, comes the following
little message of cheer from a reader
of the ferry tale column.
"I notice in one of the papers a ref
erence to the destruction by fire, 25
years ago, of Mrs. H. Albert Mau's
mansion in Pacific avenue. The item
omits to state that the place burned
down chiefly because the water mains
were frozen. When the firemen finally
thawed out the pipes the stream was
so weak and the air so cold that the
water literally froze as it left the noz
zle of the hose."
Now will you cheer upC
LINDSAY CAMPBELL.
Operawocky
Twa*i' sembrich, and the emmaeames
DM gluck and gadski in farrar;
All s-cotti were the t.etrßzzines.
And the jadlowkers nordica.
"Beware the schumannheink, my son!
The wells that catch, the teytes that
bite-
Beware the fornia, and shun
The marygarden night!"
He took his slezak sword in hand;
Long time the bond foe he sought.
So rested he by tie fremstad tree.
And stood awhile in thought.
And as in rappold thought he stood.
The schumannheink with eyes of
flame,
Came hurrian through the griswold
wood.
And hinshawed as it came!
One. two! One, two! And through and
through
The slezak blade went, snicker snack!
He left it dead and with its head
He segurolaed back.
"And hast thou slain the schumann
heink?
Come to my arms, my de&tin boy!
Caruso day! ruffo! calve!"
He melbaed in his joy.
'Twas sembrich, and the emmaeames
Did gluclc and gads! '■ In farrar;
All sootti were the t vrazzlnes.
And the jadlowkers nordica.
—Kenneth F. H. Underwood, In Life.
Mr. "Morgan's statement that be was
unaware of the fact that he wielded
any unusual power in the "financial
world would indicate that he does not
read the pMen,—Southern Lumber
man (Nashville).
ABE MARTIN
What's become o' th' feller that
used t' leave his pocketbook at
home on th' planner? Beginnin'
t'day our nickel theater '11 open
at 5 a. m. fcr th' benefit o' milk
men.
HOTEL NEWS
Lester W. David, one of the largest timber
land owners of the northwest, who Is staying nt
the Palace hotel, said yesterday that with the
opening of tbe Panama canal Pacific coast in
terests would control the timber trade on the
Atlantic coast.
Mr. Paivd said:
"I have jnst returned from a lengthy stay in j
the east. In New Tor's I saw 12x12 inch, 26
to 40 foot lengths of Pouglas fir selling for
$32.."50 per thousand. We get $13 in Oregon and
Washington for this timber. Now, tbe steam
ship people say that when the Panama canal
is opened tbe freight oo timber wiU be not mort
than fS or $0 per thousand. This means that
the Pacific coast will control the lumber trade
of the Atlantic coast. Practically the entire
United States will bSTe to depend on the
timber supply of the Pacific coast states. We
have the timber here and the east will want
billions atid billions of feet of It."
B. P. Graham of Los Angeles, one of the
largest land owners of the 60uth, Is at the
St. Francis.
Mr. Graham has the following to say regard
ing the subdivision of the big James tract:
"Those interested with tne in the laying
out of tbe old J. D. James ranch. _5 miles west
of Fresno, plan to spend* $300,000 In develop
ment work alone. At the present time we have
500 mules and 200 men at work on the land.
We propose to plant 8,000 acres to grain atone.
We are making roads, digging irrigation ditches,
and when tbe land Is ready we expect to add
greatly to tbe agricultural valuation of "southern
California. I am sorry to say that many of
the citrus fruit growers suffered more heavily
because of the recent cold spell than is gener
ally known. Those north of the Tebaohapl, 1
am told, suffered but very little from the
frost."
* * *
Misg Kitty Cheatham, teller of negro and child
stories and singer of son*_rs. Who Is to give a
recital here under the auspices of the San
Francisco Mnsieal Art society, has taken apart
ments at the St. Francis.
Miss Cheatham, who is recognized as an au
thority on the negro question, has the follow
ing to say concerning the evolution of this
race:
"The negro of today must awaken to the
fact that Ms evolution from savagery to slavery
(even in Its abuses) was a growth, and the
correlative expression of this growth came forth
in bis music, which in individual and unified
expression waa of rare beatny and was Inspired,
usually, by the best emotions oT which he was
capable. In his expression of freedom, the negro
must watch hlmsctf, that he floes not wander
Into the greater bondage t_ro_gh a tendency
toward Imitation—and its expression In music—
of the least desirable traits of tbe white man."
Thomas Kiddie, a minimi man of Victoria,
Mr. and Mr*. F. T. Bulmer of Madison, N. .T.,
and B. B. Millar, a railroad man of Portland, arc
registered at the Palace.
W~, J. Harris, owner of the Westminister and
Victoria hotels of Spokane, and also heavily
Interested in Canadian mine properties, Is at
the Sutter with Mrs. Harris, a bride of a few
days. Mrs. Harris was Miss Cunningham,
daughter of the contractor who rs bwlldtng the
Spokane bridge. Mr. aftd Mts. Harris plan to
make an extensive tour of California.
R. I). Mayes, who inherited a large fortune
a few months ago. and C. E. Gregory of
Dixon, and Mr. and Mrs. VVifHani Finnell of
Napa are at the Sutter.
** • *
Mr. and Mrs. James 11. Cullen_ of New York
are at the Manx. fallen is soon to appear at
the Orpheurn. E. I>. Mef-ellan, a couiniissioii
broker of Portland and Lloyd Lee, a recent ar
rival from the canal zone, are also at the
Manx.
A. W. Fames, manager of a large packing
house at Honolulu: George K. Coleman, ciffnr
merchant of Enroka, and Mrs. Coleman, and
W. B. McMillian, on attorney of Eureka, are
at tbe Stewart.
Mr. and Mrs. T,. Foster Young registered yes.
terdsy nt the St. Francis. Mr. Young, a San
Francisco attorney, has been in the east and
In Europe for the last five months.
R. K. StniTo of Seattle. Mr. and Mrs. K. I*
Wllhoit of Stockton an'l Mr. and Mrs. William
Pierce of Suisun are staying at the St. Francis.
1». S. Fatherinffhatn of Seattle and J. Becerril
of Mexico city are guests at the Fairmont.
* * *
J. ft Saunders, the city clerk at Sevastopol;
8. Seuesrinl. a contractor of Santa Crus: L. X.
Oavi.-, a lumberman of Paris and J. W. Vin
cent, a merchant of Ceres, are recent arrivals
at the Argonaut.
Bishop William M. Bell of Los Angeles i» at
tbe BeHevue.
■William A. Cochran. « retired banker of
Liffrtoier. Ind., Is at the Bellev_e.
Charles A. Drelss. on attorney of Chico, and
S. "fohaaaen, jeweler of GoM-eld, are at tire
Union, Square.
SLOW GOING
Everybody's Forum
LETTERS FROM READERS OF THE CALL
EXOIGH « '49 CAMPS"
Editor Call: Several times recently
the press of San Francisco has given
information to the public concern
ing concessions that have been granted
by the Panama-Pacific International
Exposition company, and in this con
nection has spoken of one of the con
cessions as the '49 camp concession.
As a matter of fact, while a conces
sion has been granted to certain people
giving them the right to conduct an
amusement proposition in which the
life of California in the early mining
days is to be depicted, the concession is
not properly called the '49 camp con
cession.
The people to whom this concession
was granted filed here in the county
'clerk's office articles of Incorporation
in which they stated that the corpora
tion that they designed to form was to
be named the Forty-nine Camp com
pany, and in which they also stated
that they had a concession from the
exposition known as the Forty-nine
camp concession. They applied on
these articles to the secretary of state
for a certificate of incorporation. Their
application was, however, denied by
the secretary of state for the reason
that there had formerly been granted
by him a certificate of incorporation of
a company known as the '49 camp. This
'49 Camp company was, according to
its articles, to conduct some sort of a
theatrical entertainment depicting the
life of California in the early mining
days. On account of the similarity in
names and in purposes the later appli
cation was, as has been above stated,
rejected.
Learning that they could not incor
porate under the name of the Forty
nine camp, the people to whom the
concession was granted filed new arti
cles of incorporation, in which they
stated that the name of their corpora
tion was to be the Days of Forty-nine
company, and in which they stated that
the name of their concession was the
Days of Forty-nine. We understand
they have obtained a certificate of in
corporation under this latter name.
We are sending you this communi
cation for the reason that we take it
for granted that in giving information
to the public concerning the Interna
tional exposition to be held here in
1915 you will be glad to have that in
formation correct.
THOS. E. CTJRRAN,
THOMAS DUNN".
San Francisco, Jan. 21.
DOUBTS ASTRONOMERS' FIGURES
Editor Call: I wish to call your at
tention to the fact that not only our
government, but the world at large,
is paying millions of the people's
money annually to foster one of the
greatest frauds on the credulity of the
unthinking people that has ever been
propagated witnin the annals of his
tory.
I have reference to the so called sci
ence of astronomy. For instance, there
came from Mount Wilson observatory
not long ago that they had discovered
1,160,000 new worlds. Can any one in
his right mind swallow such an ab
surdity? And, again, Prof. E. L. Lar
kin's article in a late Examiner
wherein he says, "Neptune, that
mighty world floating in the deeps of
space nearly 3,006,000,000 miles away
from our earth, etc." Well, if he had
the acumen of an ape he would know
that a world floating in space is an
utter impossibility, and, again. If he
knew anything about his business he
would know that there isn't a telescope
in existence that can bring anything
to view that is above or beyond, our
atmosphere in which we dwell.
I know that surh a statement Is rad
ical; truth ia always radical. The time;
has come lor God to fulfill his promise
that He would "turn back the wisdom
of the wist* i?) and make their knowl
edge foolish." We arc living in a pro
gressive age when God is about to
•'make all things new,*; when old sys
tems and old fallacies are about to
pass away.
God says (see Genesis, chapter 1)
that he made the sun, moon and stars
for lights to give light on the earth.
Astronomers say they are worlds.
Which will we believe, as a Christian
civilized people? S. L. BARNUM.
Berkeley.
Regarding Ball Bands
Editor Call—Supposing a charge of
passing worthless cheeks, involving a
penalty of five years in prison; also
supposing a charge of attempted _*•
sault on a girl, involving the same pen
alty—should not the bail required In
the latter case be a hundred times as
much as in the former? The life of a
nation depends upon the Integrity of
the home and the family; even savages
have recognized the necessity of exe
cuting individuals guilty of using force
to accomplish an aim which woman
will sacrifice her life to prevent if pos
sible. Many of our states now have
laws providing for the sterilization of
individuals found guilty of this class
of crime, as well as other cases where
inherent criminality has been proven.
Why shouldn't our legislature now in
session enact a statute providing the
deterrent suggested, thereby safe
guarding the future by elimination of
the unfit?
Incidentally, it might be to the ad
vantage of parents and young women
to consider the ordinary rules of good
conduct, if not to go as far as to pro
vide a chaperon for exceptional oc
casions. Old time conventionalities
may not be necessary on all occasions,
but if parents will permit daughters to
go joy riding on the cliff beach at
night, some sacrifice should be made
or required, to assure protection.
It should go without saying that the
daughters of self-respecting people will
know better than to do such things
without protection, and others should
be made to feel t*ie condemnation im
prudent conduct merits.
FRANCIS G. NAGLE.
Pacific Grove. Cal., January 25.
NEWS HEAD OVERPLAYED
Editor Call: In the interest of ac
curacy and to prevent a misunder
standing of my attitude toward the
saloon, I feel obliged to call your at
tention to a heading which appeared
on the upper right hand corner of page
7 of last Friday morning's Call as fol
lows:
"Oakland Pastor Says Good Word for
the Saloon.
"Discussing Social Work. He Tells
Corona Club Women Drink Places Are
Not All Bad."
The article which follows is a sym
pathetic and reasonably accurate sum
mary of what T said, and for it t am
deeply indebted to The Call represen
tative who reported it, but the head
ing quoted above seems to be some
what misleading.
What I said was that the saloon
drew its popularity from the fact that
It was not merely a drinking place,
but also a kind of social center where
men gathered to read the paper, talk
with their friends, play games and en
joy an atmosphere of hospitality.
I then went on to 6ay that this made
the saloon all the more dangerous, be
cause it was really rendering poisoned
social service—poisoned with alcohol.
I think you will agree with me that
to say a restaurant served food whicn
would be wholesome if not poisoned
could hardly be construed as saying "a
good word" for that restaurant.
Several people have telephoned me
asking it the heading 1u The Call was
correct. I trust that now the matter
has been called to your attention you
will do whatever may seem wise to
correct this unfortunate nnd inaccurate
heading. ALBERT W. PALMER.
Plymouth Church, Oakland,
January 25.
MISGUIDED
Ry THE POET PHILOSOPHER
Young Abner Wax is built to plow,
and hoe the beet and carrot, but he is
full of longing now to be a Lawrence
Barrett. In dreams he proudly treads
the stage, the people's praise deserving.
and discounts, in his noble rage, E.
Booth and Henry Trying. His poor old
dad has pawned his mules to help Ab
learn dramatics, and he's attending
"melo" schools in dark and dusty at-
he can strike an a**ful pose,
this poor misguided geefcer, and* say
"Poor Yorick!" through his nose,- and
"Julius Caesar."' The local
critics all agree that lies amusing.
very, but he 1s sure that he will be an
other Ellen Terry. His foolish parents
think he's fine, whose head is swelled
with dropsy, and hope some day to see
him shine as Vncle Tom or Topsy. And
no one cares to interfere, and tell this
foolish fellow that farming is Ms prop
er sphere, and not the sere and melo.
Ten thousand Abs in countless towns
their proper work are spurning: they
reach for brushes, lyres or gowns, and
should be busy churning. And silly
parent's urge them on. and innocent by.
standers can only cry: "'So help me,
John: The world is full of ganders!*'
WALT MASON.
JANUARY 29, 1913
Aimed Shots
There Is talk of throwing the ham
mer out ol athletic programs. None
of 'em are strong enough.
* # *
Wore you ever in a theater where
the heating system had the toothache"
It is the most contagious affliction that
a theater can have.
First there are rumbles beneath the
feet anfl then in the northwest of the
house will sound a roar of pain, the
raw nerve of the heating system pav
ing been chilled by a blast from the
street. ,
"O-o-o-gr-gurr-o-o-o-gurr —kokoko,
there is a cry of pain from the lower
register of the radiator that perme
ates the house. Then this cry becomes
periodic.
"Friends. Romans and countrymen, *
says the tragedian, "lend me —"
Rut the ears are assaulted with:
"O-00-00-rum —gur-gur-gnf."
"I have come to bury Caesar, not to
praise hlra. The evil that men do live
after—"
"O-o-o-o-o-gur—gur—rumm —gur."
" —good is often interred with their
bones; so let it be with —"
It is time for another assault from
the aching tooth of the steam heater,
and the audience braces itself for th*
ordeal, but the Intermittent howl of
rage and fury misses flqe, though the
suffering of the audience is as intense
as if the terrible anguish of the radi
ator had been articulate.
"The noble Brutus tells us that
Caesar was—"
"O-o-o-gur—guf—rumm-00-oo—OO"'
Then the curtain falls, a vigilance
committee of dentists administer a sed
ative to the aching radiator with a
monkey wrench and a sledge and ;■,
guarantee to pull it up by the roots in
the morning.
But it is terrible while it lasts.
Every face in the house has neuralgia.
* * *
Thanks to the adroitness of the steam
fitters, theatrical heating systems are_
not often troubled with toothache.
Usually only melodious sounds are
stirred in a theater. Opera is aroused
to its heights In a playhouse. There is
an opera season on at present in Val
encia street: there is an operahouse
building in Eddy street; there is to be.
a municipal operahouse in the civio
center. It seems an appropriate time
to discuss opera.
The two amusements for which the
American will pay the highest admis
sion price are grand opera and prize
fights. As a stimulant the opera 1b ten
times as powerful as the bloodiest or
most skillful ring battle ever perpe
trated.
The sextet from "Lucia" has a grip
more dominant than Bat "Kelson's old
time grit. The Jewel song* from "Faust"
can dazzle more than Jim Corbett's
boxing.
Now there is nothing flippant nor
blasphemous In this comparison be
tween pugilism and the opera. The
conjunction is not malicious, cynical,
wanton, fabricated, fictitious. It is a
conspicuous fact that the two amuse
ments for which human beings will pay
the highest of admission prices are
prize fights and grand opera.
There is this difference: No one who
attends a grand opera given by a
capable company is ever defrauded or
exhilaration. Rapture dwells in grand
opera of the Italian school, and while
the formalities of the arias and duets
and sextets may tax the credulity, and
while the foreign words may irritate
the auditor, the thrill of the singing
can not be evaded.
* ♦ m
William Jennings Bryan t_ gattlng
measured for an automobile, cabinet
minister's size. The portfolio must al
ready be cut and fitted.
*. * ♦
Justice of the Peace Finem of Banta
Diablo has announced that he will
enter upon his official duties this term
without an inaugural ball. Wherefor
there are a lot of dressmakers In that
town biting nails these days.
» * ♦
Who hit Billy Pat—no, the cruiser
California?
* * ♦
Joaquin Miller is reported to be writ
ing a poem for the Panama-Pacific in
ternational exposition. Can he du
plicate the feat of genius that he per
formed for the World's Columbian ex
position in h's poem "Columbus"?
Those verses will live in literature
longer than the memory or the irt™
fiuence of that exposition; they will
live as long as there is an American
literature, for no poet has epitomized
the American continent as Joaquin
Miller did in those eternal lines.
* * *
It Is now proposed to appoint judsres
for life. From what we have been
hearing about the bench lately a lot of
them ought to be sentenced for the
same period.
* * *
"Why is it that the "most popular man
in town" is so seldom popular enough
at home to keep out of the divorce
court?
* * *
When will the state of Arizona be
old enough to be intrusted with its
electoral vote?
Shear Nonsense
HASTY CONCLUSION
Beautiful Maiden—Tou think I'm an
angel, Geoffrey, but some day, per
haps, you will find out that I am an
exceedingly trivial, ill natured, com
monplace mortal.
Disconsolate Lover" (with trembllne
eagerness)— Then you do Intend to
marry me, do you, Lillian? —Chicago
Tribune.
NEVER ANY MORE
"I'll never -write to a college girl
again."
"Why not?"
"Oh, nothing much. I have just
learned that 200 of her classmates read
my letters regularly."—Washington
Herald.
DOGS AND DOGS
"Tou called me a dog, sir."
"Oh, no! Some dogs are very fin*
creatures. I c&ll-d you a cur."—-Balti
more American.
REGULAR LITTLE CLOSER
"Jinks appears to be quite an. enthu
siastic reformer."
"Yes; now that he has closed the
saloons, he wants to launch a crusade
against the open winter."—Buffalo
Express.
LEISURELY
"The hired man fell off t_r» f*tt_||
down in the meadow lot Just now!" *
"Had he hit the gronnd when you
left?" —Louisville Courier-Journal.
CONSIDERATE
"You used to want to hold my hand
before we were married," she com
plained.
"I'd like to now." said he easily, "but
it would keep you from your house
work, ftiy dear." —Washington Herald.
JOE'S DECLINE
"Joe Tinker? Say, he ought to ra|_
a few acres of land somewhere and jJp
to farmin'." ,J^
"But it was only a little
that you were telling me you consid
ered him one of the greatest ball play
ers that had ever lived."
-Aw, but he's went and Joined the
Cincinnati club since then. He's saw
his best days."—Chicago Record-Her
ald.
STERLING FASHIONS
Jane Ellen —Yus y* did, Sal Jennings!
I'm about sick of It. Borrered myDol
. lar Princess 'at an' pinched the design;
then I 'ad to chuck doin* my 'air like
the duchess of Westminster 'cause you
imitated it.—London Sketch.
ACCOMPLISHMENT
"Those two women always greet
each other with the most effusive cor
diality."
"Yes," replied Miss Cayenne. "Each
takes pride in showing the other how
artistically she can conceal her real
feelings."—Washington Star.
MERIT SYSTEM
"What is the civil service business
that they are always talking about?"
asked the Boob. "What good does it
do?"
"It's like this,'* replied the Cheerful
Tdiot. "If you have a job and you are
not under civil service they can fire you
any time they want to. But if you haA?
, a job under civil service they can't ; ft
I you unless they want to."—Cincinnati
> Enquirer.
•