The San Francisco call. [volume], February 09, 1913, Image 10

About The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913

Image provided by: University of California, Riverside; Riverside, CA

                
WHO'S LAUGHING?
i Complete me Picture —
and See
AFTER you have completed the illustration which the artist has indicated by the dots and
numbers, and you see who is doing all the laughing, you will have a good laugh yourself.
Take your pencil and draw from the dot at 1 to the dot at 2, then from 2 to 3, and so on until
you reach 63. Then yon will sec—well, draw it and find out!
Expensive Encores
A good story is being told about a fashionable New York
woman who recently engaged Mmc. S. of the Metropolitan opera
to sing at one of her receptions. It was arranged that two sortgs
should be furnished at $100 per song. Mme. S. sang so well that
the delighted guests demanded more and were referred by the
•r-ess to their hostess.
The latter looked rather unhappy, hut, haying no choice in
the matter, was compelled to give orders for another song—and
yet another and another, until Mme. S. had scored eight in all—
which, at $100 each, was not a bad night's work.
A RYMED REBUS
WHEN you first glance at this rebus you probably will
not gather the impression that the pictures hide a
poetic gem. But after you have read it you will discover
that a poet and an artist collaborated to put it together.
To give you a good start on reading this rhymed rebus,
we nil! tell you that the first line reads: "It's not hard at
any time." Or. to literally translate the line, "it's knot
hard-at N-E tie-me." Now try and see if you can complete
the eight lines of verse Solution in next week's FUN.
It Was Some Run
"Why," boasted the seedy looking
actor, "I played Hamlet once."
"Is that so?" queried the doubting
theatrical manager. "Did you have a
long run?"
"Long run?" replied the actor with
a gasp of reminiscent horror, "I
should say 1 did—it was seven miles
to the depot!"
Taking a load off her mind.
Toothsome
Her head lay pillowed
upon his broad shoulder,
and her face was so near
his that a lock of her hair
swept his cheek. She
spoke not a word, but her
eyes gazed tearfully and
appealingly into those
dark orbs of his, now filled
with a smiling sort of pity.
Suddenly he spoke, and
at his words the girl shud
dered.
"There are two cavities
to be idled with gold," he
said, and he drew up his
wicked .little drill.
j Ow!
*'! n#y not know alge
bra." said the snake, "but
I'm quite an adder!"
Too Heavy
"Hubby, dear, I made this
cake all by myself," and Mrs.
Xewlywcd eagerly watched him
as he reached for a piece.
But hubby only frowned.
"I'm afraid you must be fib
bing," he said. "I'm sure you
must have required help to lift
it out of the oven."
Safety in Silence
"What is your opinion regarding the cus
tom of shaking hands?"
"Well," replied the senator, "I am some
what in favor of it. Handshaking is the
only way f know of to keep a crowd of
constituents interested in you without in
volving a risk on your part of saying some
thing you'll regret."
Those Bagpipes
Although not a Scotsman, he had accompanied his Gaelic friend
on the annual picnic of the folk from the land of the thistle who
resided in his city.
Partly because lie was a big politician, and partly because,
being an outsider, he would not be apt to show partiality, he was
asked to judge a bagpipe contest between two lusty lunged cham
pions to settle a long dispute. ' _
As the musicians began playing alternately their favorite selec
tions he was seen to lean back and close his eyes. When, at the
end of an hour, the duel ended, all waited for him to open his eyes
and proclaim the victor.
But he remained inert, silent, his eyes still tightly closed.
I/inally his friend stepped up to him and shook him. There was
no, response.' Alarmed, the friend felt his pulse, lifted his eyelids,
then, amid a sudden hush of growing alarm, turned to the two
musicians and in awestruck whisper exclaimed:
"1 canna fix the blame, lads, but an'e of ye his kilt the puir
judge!"
He Knew
"Richard doesn't
know his letters
very well," ex
plained his mother
to the school teach
er, "but he's very
quick at learning
figures."
"What is this,
dear?" asked the
teacher, pointing to
the letter B.
"Dat," replied
Richard, proudly,
"is a 1.3 jammed
togedder."
It Sometimes Is
"He calls on me
oftener than he did
before 1 refused
him."
"I suppose he
thinks it's safer!"
Then He Followed Suit
The shade boldly strode through the porta? and addressed
St. Peter.
"I," he said, "am a .vaudeville hcadliner. I made an inter
national reputation as a singer of popular songs. On earth I was
some guy. 1 presume my accommodations here will be in keeping
with my reputation?"
"Certainly," agreed St. Peter, "I have you in my book under
the title, 'He Walked Right In and Turned Around and Walked
Right Out Again.' "
Pro Tempore
I've laid away my cut up duds
And shelved my smoking tools,
My pearl gray spats and diamond studs,
My book of "Grafters' Rules."
My face now wears no happy smile,
My bankroll wears no dent—
Because I must be right in style:
You see, I'm keeping Lent!
THE FUNNY STORY
TO THE SNOW MAN '
How can you stand so
coldly there.
With heart of ice naught
can subdue.
When one so radiantly fair
With melting glances
smiles on you?
THIS is Miss Elsie and some of her smart, new
winter clothes. Cut out Miss Elsie, her
dresses and hats. Dress her by bending back tabs
at shoulders and feet. Cut along dotted lines of
hats to fit them on her head.
COME ON TO SCHOOL AND LEARN
PUZZLE GEOGRAPHY
THE teacher has de
cided to test her class
in their knowdedge of
geography. She has writ
ten on the blackboard the j
names of 10 countries, se
lecting them at random
from all over the world.
But to make the test all
the harder she has mixed
up the letters in the name
Speechless
"Why do you
say that Beatrice
and Adelbert are
not on speaking
terms? I under
stood they were
dead in love with
each other."
"That's just the
reason. They just
sit by the hour
and gaze at each
other.^'
As He Was
A man may be
a great hero, but
he never looks it
when 'contemplat
ing a picture of
himself taken at
six months, in a
low necked dress
and short socks.
she has spelled Germany, to which her pointer
is pointing, "my range." The test is to see how
many of her scholars can recognize all the coun
tries when the letters that spell each name have
been rearranged to spell something else.
Plucked Too Soon
She was newly married and
each item of the household busi
ness was made the object of
minute study. This morning it
was the breakfast eggs.
"Mary," she said, "are these
eggs from our own hens?"
"Yis'm," was the reply, "fresh
laid this very morning."
"They seem very small, Mary.
I think after this you'd better
let the hens sit on them a, little
longer."
Laura's Answer
Laura,' aged four, was asked by a visitor
what nationality she was.
"I'm an American," she replied, "the same
as my papa is; but my mamma is French."
"And what is your baby brother, then?"
queried the visitor,
"I don't know yet—he ain't big ertough
to talk yet," said Laura.
The San Francisco Sunday Call
of the countries you can recognize Get out
your atlas, and see how quickly you can find
them all. Remember, you will have to go all
over the world to find them all. You will find
the solution to this puzzle in next week's
FUN.
Household Gossip
HAZEL CONKLIN
Mrs. Rubber Plant announces that she will leave very soon. Tt
is rumored that she is jealous because Mrs. Rose's two daughters,
now attending the conservatory, have turned out to be regular
society buds.
Recent gossip has it that Mr. Picture's hanging was a frame
up. Warden Hook declares that he should have been allowed to
go under a suspended sentence.
Mr. Gas is writing verse for the magazines. Critics declare
tha£ his meter is wrong and that his feet are cubic. His latest
effusion is "Oh, Bill, Bill, I Can Not Pay You."
The roller towel fell down yesterday. Everybody heard the
crash.
Mrs. Wallpaper has taken a new boarder. Her last one stuck
to her through thick and thin for more than three years. It was
all he could do to tear himself away.
Sure Signs
"Spring is coming," observed Flatly. "I can feel it in the air."
"So can I," replied Brokely. "In the air my wife assumes
toward me when she begins talking of the limited extent of her
wardrobe."
Cut Up Capitals—Put Them Together
WHEN you have puzzled them all out you will discover
that each line hides the name of the capital of some
state. For instance, two-ninths of alligator, three-fifths of
banjo and one-fourth of yard spell Albany, the capital of
New York state. Now go ahead and see if you can read
the others. You will find the solution to this new puzzle
and more puzzles in next week's FUN.
Obeyed Orders
"Now remember, Mary,"
began Miss Belle, "I am at
home this afternoon to no
one but Mr. Van Brown
kins. If any one else
should call I am not at
home. You understand?"
"Oh, yes, miss," replied
Mary.
Half an hour later Mary
reappeared, evidently wor
ried about something.
"If you please, miss,"
she began, "I've told three
lady callers and one gen
tleman caller that you
were at home to none ex
cept this Mr. Van Brown
kins and they all went
away very angry, indeed,
miss. Will you"
But the "not at home"
had fainted.
After Him
"That young lady doctor is making
a dead set at De Millions."
"How do you know?"
"I heard her telling him that cigar*j
ettes are not injurious."
"Your wife is outside and wants to
see you."
"Aw, tell her Tm out!"