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San Francisco Sunday Call.
IN the memory of "Tim" Donahue, twenty years a customs inspector of the Port of New York—and they were vivid, amazing recollections that he had!—a tale he would tell on rare occasions is that which is here set down under the tite of "The Patriotic Young Man." "Georgie Tingo" is what "Tim" Donahue always jcalled the patriotic young man, and sometimes the inspec tor would look glum and grim in dis cussing the youth, but as often he would end the yarn with a good natured chuckle in spite of himself. In the passenger list of the big ocean liner walch tne patriotic young man boarded at Southampton bound for New York he was listed as Samuel Maryland Mapes— a name that fairly Samuel Maryland Mapes, U.S.A. PATRIOTIC SMUGGLER breeze. J And Patrick Henry, George F Washington, Benjamin! Franklin, Abraham Lincoln j and Nathan Hale all rolled I into one could have produced j no greater patriot than Sam- i uel Maryland Mapes—"named I r right after my Uncle Sam* j he told a score of the passengers be fore the ship had been three hours out of Southampton. "Ah!. gentlemen;" cried young Mr. Mapes in the smoking-room the very first night out as he lifted his cham- j pagne glass high: "drink with me j to my country—l hope you are all so j fortunate as to be able bo call It your \ country—to the United States!" He | gulped down the toast and immedi- j ately held out his glass to the waiter j for replenishment. "I drink again!", he continued, "to horne —horne— | HOME! Holy mackerel, how 1 long; for the United States! It's two years I since I waved a gay hand in farewell to Liberty in New York Harbor. Wait | till we get back! You'll have to hold me on the deck, gentlemen, when we pass her, for 1 feel capable of leaping I off the boat and landing right on the dear old girl's bronze shoulder—bee-j lleve me!" Young Mr. Mapes used a fine linen handkerchief and then flourished it as he declared himself further in this i "The guvnor gave me three years j to travel In. Two's been enough plenty for anybody who's got the United States for a permanent home and New York for a playground." The young man brought his voice to ( a more moderate key and changed the clutch on the speed of his conversa tion; at the same time rounding with his glance several wealthy old gentle men who were looking with indulgent consideration on his high spiritedness. "I'm so glad to be homeward bound my pulse Is beating about ninety above normaL I know mother and my sis ters will be dreadfully disappointed. 1 know they are expecting me to come back with a sassy little French mus tache sticking on my Up and my legs held tight in narrow English pants, and maybe they're expecting a single pane of glass in my face and a top hat pushed down over my ears." Two of the old gentlemen, who may have had memories not too pleasant of sons who doted on Europe and had acquired a European mental attitude of slight disdain for the juvenile power j of the world, nodded their heads ap provingly at young Samuel Maryland Mapes when he added: "All I want to do Is get back; pick out my sweet/American girl; sit in at a desk as nearly next to father as the old gentleman will permit; get into the game; put on my hustling clothes and wave the good old Star Spangled Banner till the gong rings." When he said that, both of the aforesaid old gentlemen were moved to arise and slap him on the back and announce: Good boy! That's the talk! That's the stuff! You're the right kind of an American." And one of them said further "Your dad ought to be proud of you." "I'm proud of him!" replied young Mr. Mapes. "I haven't got any use for a belted earl or duke or a prince— Charles Somerville no not even a gosn-blamed king as a • father —or anything else. My old dad — a straight American business man and J gentleman—he's plenty good enough j for me." Both the old gentlemen were so | overcome at this point that they simul- I ! taneously called to the steward to | fetch more champagne. And even a j red-faced Englishman, with a string- j j less monocle maintained quite mar- : j veliously in his eye, accepted a glass. jHe observed with a good humored i I smile that the la 4 had "no end of I | cheek," but declared that patriotism ; even of young Mr. Mapes's violent j j brand was most pardonable on any I ! and all occasions and graciously lifted i I his glass as one of the old gentlemen cried: "A toast to Mr.—Mr.?" "Samuel Maryland Mapes!" "Samuel Maryland Mapes of —of?" — "The U. S. A.!" replied the gay j young patriot ! "Samuel Maryland Mayes of the U. jS. A.!" declared the toastmaster and j j young Mr. Mapes bowed low. It was as "Samuel Maryland Mapes U. S. A.," also that he was lilted on the roster of the ship's passengers—no i jtown or city of residence given—just' j "U. S. A." Now, not only did young Mr. Mapes j win favor among the "Yankees" of the J | smoking room set, but, though irre- j ! pressible and with his patriotism al- I ways to the fore, he nevertheless cap i tivated the American matrons and ; American girls aboard. In the first place Mr. Mapes was a I handsome young man —a stalwart, \ chap of twenty-two or thereabouts; j sun-tanned, blue-eyed, laughing - I mouthed, athletic, musical, nervy, sen j timental, dynamic. "It's all very well." he told them | the matrons and daughters—to talk in ! awed voices about Europe and the 'Orient, the traditions, the romance, ! the Mediterranean moonlights and the ! whole caboodle and rusty, dusty, de ' cayed attractions. I've sampled 'em I all—but this place where we are going [ right now is the place for me— | the United States and New York! i A.nd the girls—the American I girls! I didn't have to wait to ! find a few of those; thank heavens i some of the women and girls of my land were to be found on the ship! You can't imagine the delight I felt when first I saw the sweet faces of American mothers, the beautiful rosy cheeks, the sweet expressions, the oright intelligent eyes of American girls—eyes like stars," he concluded; "the stars in the dear old flag!" His methods might be criticised as wholly lacking in finesse. But it is to be admitted that it proved effective. He seemed to be so very sincere and, as stated, he was undoubtedly very good looking. His clothing was ag gressively American "square-cut" but of the best of materials and he ap peared to have an unlimited supply. So also was he remarkably well sup plied with jewelry—a different stick pin twice a day; cuff links the same But there was no foppish display of finger rings—just a narrow gold seal ring was the only sign of predilection for such ornamentation that Samuel Maryland Mapes displayed. When the ship was within two days of port it became palpable that the young patriot simply could not stand the nervous strain of the anticipation of once more stepping upon the soil of the land of his adoration. He began jto cause the head steward worry—for I fear the champagne wouldn't hold out |He sent champagne to the American ladies with little American flags on I tiny staffs set in tiny corks floating i over the bubbles; forty times in the | smoking-room he lifted a glass and I burst into patriotic song. The pretty girls and the matrons 1 saddened to hear of these ex cessive indulgences. There was a gen : tie and unanimous chorus of excuses ! for him seeing that he really was so I greatly stirred at the prospect of I being once again under his country's So, although young Mr. Mapes paced the deck that morning and afternoon looking a trifle glum and subdued, the greetings from all spurces were as cordial as ever — even when it j was rumored that the last night jat sea he hadn't gone to bed at ! all, but had sat up with a wine i bottle in one hand and the flag of his country tied turban-wise around I his flushed brow, absolution was still ', accorded him and no social bars fell I athwart his path. No—not in spite of the fact that the | next morning, with Fire Island in sight, 1 Samuel Maryland Mapes gave every j indication of keeping his spree going. He was everywhere along the deck,j "Home—home —home!" he shouted repeatedly and did a sort of combina tion faudango and cakewalk t,he length of the shore-side promenade. He al most had a fit of hysterics when off the Fire Island reefs the big liner set tled down to a very much reduced Everybody winked and smiled at everybody else and turned indulgently only when they heard him yell: "Oh! what a bully idea! What a perch of a nation! Hooray!" The patriot rushed off the prom enade and for a few minutes quiet had an inning on the deck. But only for Those bottles con tamed about $150 --000 worth of contr a band gems. Of coiuse Skip per 'Ralph Smith' was 'Georgj Jin go's' eaL He was a slick one, too. He ought to have ailed teatc old sloop the EeL of wine, Samuel Maryland Mapes came back. There was an added decoration the corks of the bottles. On each was sticking a little American flag. "These,* cried out Mr. Mapes, U. S. A., "are for uhe very first American I meet on the pier—whoever he or she may be—the very first real sure enough male or female citizen of the United States—without respect of race, color or previous condition of servi tude that I bump into will get these bottles—four of 'em—and each one decorated with the dear old flag." Suddenly one of the passengers turned to Mapes and laughed as he pointed to an old, battered oyster sloop with a big, dirty white sail that was calmly sailing along beside the great ocean steamship and owing to the reduced speed of the liner just Here's Something to Chew Sound Teeth Versus Gold Crowns, and Some Incisive Pointers on Saving the First and Escaping the Other. IN Tierra Del Fuego tooth brushes are worn as amulets—and the chil dren gnaw bones. In Boston children masticate verses from dowagers wear tooth brushes to a fraz zle. Yet, I'll wager you ten to one a Fuegian warrior could defeat'any Bos ton terrier In an eating battle. Aborigines and savages literally eat their way through life, while we frail, civilized creatures start with the first incisors to dig our graves with our teeth. But when the excavation is about half finished we generally lose all our teeth and just crumble in despair. Oral hygiene is a frenzied endeavor to sidestep the penalties of "civilized" diet. It consists of something like twenty years of brushing, filling, cap ping, bridging, crowning, plating, dis infecting, complaining, bleaching, scal ing, cussing, chiseling, more cussing, and finally quitting. It is all well enough, but we don't start far enough back. Oral hygiene should begin about six months before the cutting of the first tooth. In the wicked days of the past, when doctors mostly looked wise and said little, mothers used to expose their little ones to various unnecessary in fections wrongly known as "children's diseases" — mumps, measles, scarlet fever and chicken pox. There was a false notion that these plagues were inevitable and that the children had to have them. How many innocents have been sacrificed to such ignorance nobody knows. But we do know that "children's diseases" are as inexcusa ble as are typhoid epfdemics, and that every instance of such illnesses means that some parent, teacher, physician or health officer has failed in his duty. Hand in hand with the fallacy of "children's diseases" went the fancy that it "didn't pay" to have the chil dren's teeth filled by the dentist. The then was able to hold her own. "Does he get the wine?" asked this passenger, pointing out the old sharp featured skipper at the sloop's tiller. And a pretty girl nearby said: "He's American, I guess. The name of his boat, she volunteered, scanning the sloop's stern, "is the "Mabel, Rock away, L. I.' " "Well, you know 1 said the first American I should meet on the pier," said Mapes. "Oh!" interjected a passenger, "you're backing out!" *"I should say not!" cried Mapes in flushed indignation; "only let me be sure he's an American and you bet your life he get's the wine!" Many eyes were turned then on the man in the sloop. He was a sparse, hook-nosed, grizzled man under whose straggly mustache an old black pipe thrust itself foreward. "Ahoy, there Mabel!" yelled Samuel Maryland Mapes; "ahoy, there skip per! "Ahoy yourself," said the man with the black pipe, none too cordially. "Would you mind telling me your name?" pursued Mapes. "Ralph Smith. Why?" "Are you an American?" "What?" "Are you an American?" "I guess I am, sonny. I guess I was before you was born. So was my great grandfather!" "Three cheers for the Red, White and Blue!" yelled Mr. Mapes. "Well Mr. Smith, I'm tickled to death to meet you—to meet any Amer ican!" he went on and waved enthu siastically as the man with the black pipe expressed a dry smile and nego tiated his sloop somewhat closer to the liner. "And Mr. Smith, here are four bottles of wine. Here goes! Catch 'em!" For all his experiences of the past two days, yonng Mr. Mapes threw the first bottle with admirable aim. Skip per Ralph Smith as neatly caught it But even if he the bottle prob dentists are now loud in their assertion that neglect of the baby teeth means unsound permanent teeth. If the tem porary set is not kept In repair the permanent set will have to be kept in a glass of water beside the alarm clock over night Decay of the teeth causes decay of the lungs. A cavity in a child's tooth opens the way for direct Infection of the glands of the neck with tubercu- losis—"scrofula." The presence of de fective teeth lowers the child's gen eral resistance, and the tuberculosis germs may travel through the lymph channels directly into the lung. Thus a dental cavity produces a pulmonary cavity. And filling that little cavity in a temporary tooth may prevent fill ing a little cavity in a cemetery. Obstinate chronic stomach troubles in adults are frequently caused by bad teeth. Simple anaemia or watery blood is very often dependent on decayed teeth. The relation between the teethj and the tonsils Is disputed, the dentists declaring that the diseased teeth infect the tonsils, while the throat sharks Insist that germs from the diseased tonsils cause the decay of the teeth. Both sides are probably right and wrong; the germs, no doubt, waltz to and fro between stations, according to the reception accorded them—just as mothers-in-law visit from daughter to daughter. One thing Is certain, the child with sound teeth has very little trouble from the tonsils. The simile "as clean as a hound's tooth" implies that the hound works for his supper, gnawing it out of a bone. Feed him porterhouse steaks and chocolate fudge and he'll soon have toothache and indigestion like any pampered Pomeranian. The reason we spend so much time In the dental chair and so much mogiey for tooth brushes is merely that our diet is too refined. Nature furnishes her own tooth brush in the form of vegetables, cereals, fruits and nuts. Especially the fresh vegetables which may be eaten uncooked —these not only brush the teeth but feed them, i Such are celery, lettuce, raw cabbage, onions, radishes and the like. We are unduly fond of machine-mas- ably would have landed safely enough on the pile of jute bags at the sailor's feet. "Smack!" went the second bottle as atfuratel; .uto Capt. Smith's hands. And the inird and the fourth the same. So that when a petty officer ran up i to warn Samuel Maryland Mapes that j it was against the marine law to pass j anything off the ship until it had left ; Quarantine and the customs Skipper | Smith had all four bottles in his pos- j session and was bowing with one hand and working ( the tiller to tack away l from the steamship with the other, the wine bottles in his lap. "I'm really very sorry," young Mr. Mapes explained, "but I was quite ig norant of the regulations." Whereat the petty officer helplessly shrugged his shoulders touched his cap and moved away. "It wasn't till seven years after Have Wonderful Ears for Music. In many persons the perception of sound is so keen as to be wonderful. A professional violinist, an expert in his line, once drifted to Edinburgh for a short stay, and engaged apart ments in a street where rows of houses were built according to one pattern. Returning to his rooms late one night, and having forgotten the number of the house, he was at a loss to find his dwelling place until a musical expedi ent occurred to him. He Imagined that he would be able to distinguish the sound of his landlady's street door bell, and so he deliberately went along the block, ringing each bell, till he ar rived at one of a certain tone, which he at once recognized as the right one. ticated, predigested, denaturalized food. We devote too much time to brushing our teeth and too little to exercising them. Our great mills grind exten sively, but they grind exceeding fine. In fact, they carefully remove the W layer of lime and phosphorus which lies next the shell of tha kernel of the wheat and offer us a devitalized, con stipating apology for bread flour which is neither fit to masticate nor worth the effort. More than 90 per cent, of the enamel of teeth is lime phosphate, but our "civilized" diet cheats us out of the vital tooth tonic. The "staff of life" is not what it was cracked up to be in the days of the nether mill stone. The green vegetables and fruits fur nish lime and phosphorus for the teeth, as well as iron and other elements for the building of good blood. Horace Fletcher's doctrine catches us coming and going around a vicious circle; im proper diet makes poor teeth, and poor teeth are unable to masticate the food. We should break In upon this vicious circle at all corners, hybernlcally speaking, to save the snake from swallowing himself. This is true oral hygiene. In the first place, let the children gnaw bones and crack nuts with, their baby teeth like other little animals do. Out of the bones they suck lime phos phate to make good blood and strong teeth. Out of the nuts they get natu ral exercise for the strong teeth. Next, let us pray that the mills of Minneapolis will give us this day un denaturized, whole wheat bread, and lead us not Into constipation and de liver us from anaemia and crumbling teeth. Finally, give the children a square deal—and a square jaw—by taking them to the dentist upon the appear ance of the slightest cavity. Let the dentist determine whether some anti acid mouth wash or tooth powder is advisable, and let him show the 'iftie ones how to use the tooth brush The tooth!ec3 man !s not a fighting ,man. (N. B.—T. R.) Tooth brushes never won any battles. In modern life the great thing is EFFICIENCY. Dens Sana In Corpore Sano. ward," Tim Donahue would tell you, "that I found out about the young man who worked up his patriotism ail the way over for the neat purpose of toss ing those bottles with American flags on them to tha first fellow citizen he should meet when the ship got into the harbor. Those bottles contained about $150,000 worth of contraband gems. Of course, Skipper 'Ralph Smith' was 'Georgie Jingo's' pal. H e was a slick one, too. He ought to have called that old sloop the Eel. He was always sneaking up beside the liners ready to have something passed over the side before the big ship reached Quarantine and Customs. We finally got him, and in a string of confessions that he made we got the story of the patriotic young man. The worst of it was we had a secret agent on that very boat, but he. like all the rest of 'em, fell for the little scheme of Sam uel Maryland Mapes, U S \ " » and he waited until he was admitted What was said by the neighbor at whose doors he had ruug and walked away is not related. Sometimes those who are not skillej musicians have a remarkable keen ness of hearing. On a certain oc casion a young lieutenant, on leave 01 absence from his regiment spent a night at a hotel in Manchester. The following morning, as he was eating breakfast, a band of street musi clans came past, and in one of the instruments he thought he recognized the peculiar style of the playing of a man who had performed on that in strument in the band of his regiment and had deserted. The officer imme diately ran downstairs, found his sur mise correct, and, greatly to the de serter's astonishment, caused him ti*< be at once arrested.