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BY OIIU TSAXTXX. Thou littia oWlA. with tendar, olisfflDg armi. Crop thy tweet hrmd, my darling, down and rest Upon my hou1der, rest with m ujy cnarmi ; Be soothed and comforted, be loved and blessed ajrInrt thy (liken, hooeytolored hair I lean loTtnfl cheek, a crate caress Cloae, close I Rather thee and kiss thy (air White eyelids, sleep so softly doth oppress. Dear little bead, that Ilea In calm content Within the gracious hollow that God made n every human ehonlder ; where he meant Borne tired head for comfort should be laid. Mart like a heavy-folded rof e thou art. In summer air reposing, warm and still. Dream thy sweet dreams apon my quiet heart ; I watch thy slumber, nought shall do thee 111. OLD TIMES OX THE MISSISSIPPI. How nark Twain Became a PIlof-A "Ittb'i" Pxperirnces-Ulfflcnitles At tending the .Mental Photographing of Two Thousand Miles of River Bank. In the February Atlantic Mark Twain contributes the narrative of his experi ences as " cub" pilot on the Mississippi steamer Paul Jones. What with lying on the rooks four days at Louisville and some other delays, says Twain, the poor old Paul Jones fooled away about two weeks going from Cincinnati to New Orleans. This gave me a chance to get acquainted with one of the pilots, and he taught me how to steer the boat, and thus made the fascination of river life more potent than ever for me. It also gave me a chance to get ac quainted with a youth who had taken deck passage more's the pity ; for he easily borrowed six dollars from me on a promise to return to the boat and pay it back to me the day after we should arrive. But he probably died or forgot, for he never came. It was doubtless the former, since he has said his parents were wealthy, and he only traveled deck passage because it was cooler. I soon discovered two things. One was that a vessel would not be likely to sail for the mouth of the Amazon under ten or twelve years ; and the other was that the nine or ten dollars still left in my pocket would not suffice for bo im posing an exploration as I had planned, even if I could afford to wait for a ship. Therefore, it followed that I must con trive a new career. The Paul Jones was now bound for St. Louis. I planned a siege against my pilot, and at the end of three hard days he surrendered. I entered upon the small enterprise of learning" twelve or thirteen hundred miles of the great Mississippi river with the easy confidence of my time of life. If I had really known what I was about to require of my faculties I should not have had the courage to begin. I sap posed that all a pilot had to do was to keep his boat in the river, and I did not consider that that could be much of a trick, since it was eo wide. The boat backed cut from New Or leans at four in the afternoon, and it was "our watch until eight. Mr. B , my chief, " straightened her up,' plowed her along past the sterns of the other boats that lay at tho levee, and then said, "Here, take her; shave those steamships as close as you'd peel an apple." I took the wheel, and my heart went down into my boots ; for it seemed to me that we were about to scrape the side off every ship in the line, we were so close. I held my breath and began to claw the boat away from the danger ; and I had my own opinion of the pilot who had known no better than to get us into such peril, but I was too wise to express it. In half a minute. I had a wide margin of safety inter vening between the Paul Jones and the the ships ; and within ten seconds more I was Bet aside in disgrace, and Mr. B was going into danger again and flaying me alive with abuse of my cow ardice. I was sti Jg, but I was obliged to admire the easy cotflJence with which my chief loafed from side to side of his wheel, and trimmed the ships so closely that disaster seemed ceaselessly imminent. When he had cooled a lit tle he told me that the easy water was cloee ashore and the current outside, and therefore we must hug the bank up stream to get the benefit of the former, and etay well out, down stream, to take advantage of the latter. In my own mind I resolved to be a down-stream pilot and leave the up streaming to people dead to prudence. A DULL CONVERSATION. Now and then Mr. B called my attention to certain things. Sud he, " This is S'x mile point." I assented. It was pleasant enough information, but I could not see the bearing of it. I was not conscious that it was a matter of any interest to me. Another time he said, "This is Nine Mile point." Later he said, " This is Twelve-Mile point." They were all about level with the water's edge ; they all looked about alike to me ; they were monotonously unpioturesque. I hoped Mr. B would change the subject. But no ; he would crowd up around a point, hug ging the shoro with sff. ction, and then say: "The Mack water ends here, abreast this bnnch of China trees ; now we cross over." So he crossed over. He gave mc the wheel once or twice, but I had no luck. I either came'near chipping off the edge of a sugar plan tation, or else I yawed too far from shore, acd so I dropped back into dis grace again and got abused. SOMETHING LIKE WORK. The watch was ended at last, and we took supper and went to bed. At mid night the glare of a lantern shone in my eyes and the night watchman said : " Come, turn out I" And then he left. I could not un derstand this extraordinary procedure, sol presently gave up trying to and dozed off to sleep. Pretty soon the watchman was bock again, and this time he was gruff. I was annoyed. I said : " What do you want to come bother ing around here in the middle of the night for? Now as like as not I'll not get to sleep again to-night." The watchman said : "Well, if this ain't good I'm blest. The " off watch" was jnst turning in, and I heard some brutal laughter from them, and such remarks as, " Halloa, watchman ; ain't the new cub turned out jet? He's delicate, likely. Give him some sugar in a rag and send for the chambermaid to sing rock-a-bv-baby to him." About this time Mr. B appeared on the scene. Something like a minute later I was climbing the pilot-house 6teps, with some of my clothes on and the rest in my arms. Mr. B was close behind, commenting. Here was something fresh this thing of getting np in the middle of the night to go to work. It was a detail in piloting that bad never occurred to me at all. I knew that boats ran all night, but, somehow, I had never happened to reflect that s mebody had to get up out of a warm bed to run them. I began to fear that piloting waa not quite so romantio as I imagined it was ; that there was some thing very real and work-like about thi new phrase of it. A FINK POINT. It was rather a dingy night, although a fair number of stars were out. The rTiiri r By HORSLEY BEOS. & big mate was at the wheel, and he had the old tub pointed at a star, and was holding her straight up the middle of the river. The shores on either hand were not much more than a square mile apart, but they seemed wonder fully far away and ever so vague and in distinct. The mate said : "We've got to land at Jones' planta tion, sir. The vengeful spirit in me exulted. I said to myself, I wish you joy for your job, Mr. B. ; you'll have a good time finding Mr. Jones' plantation such a night as this; and I hope you never will find it as long as you live. Mr. B. said to the mate : " Upper end of the plantation or the lower?" "Upper." " I can't do it. The stumps there are out of the water at this stage. It's no great distance to the lower, and youH have to get along with that." " All right, air. If Jones don't like it be'll have to lump it, I reckon." And then the mate left. My exulta tion began to cool and my wonder to come up. Here was a man who not only proposed to find this plantation on such a night, but to find either end of it you preferred. I dreadfully wanted to ask a question, but I was carrying about as many short answers as my cargo-room would admit of, so I held my peace. All I desired to ask Mr. B was the simple question whether he was ass enough to really imagine he was going to fiad that plan tation on a night when all plantations were exactly alike and all the same color. But I held in. I used to have fine inspirations of prudence in those days. Mr. B made for the shore and soen wa3 scraping it just the same as if it had been daylight. And Lot only that, but singing " Father in heaven the day is declining," eto. It seems to me that I had put my life in the keeping of a peculiarly reckless outcast. AN ENRAGED PHOT, Presently he turned on me and said : "What's the name of the first point above New Orleans ?" I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. "Don't know?" This manner jolted me. I was down at the foot igain in a moment. But I had to say just what I had said before. " Well, you're a smart one' said Mr. B . " What's the name of the next point ? " Once more I did not know. "Well, thia beats anything. Tell mo the name of any point or place I told you." I studied awhile, and decided that I couldn't. "Look-a here! What do you start out from, above Twelve-Mile point, to cross over ? " " I I don't know." "You you don't know?" mimick ing my drawling manner of speech. " What do you know ? " I I nothing, for certain." " By the great Caesar's gho6t, I be lieve you I You're the stupidest dun derhead I ever saw or ever heard of, so help me Moses ! The idea of you being a pilot you! Why, you don't know enough to pilot a cow down a lane." Oh, but his wrath was up ! He was a nervous man, and he shuffled from one side of his wheel to the other as if the floor was hot. He would boil awhile to himself, anil then overflow and rcald me again. "Look-a-here ! What do you suppose I told you the names of those points for?" I tremblingly considered a moment, and then the devil of temptation pro voked me to say : " Well to to be entertaining, I thought." This was a red rag to the bull. Ho raged and stormed bo (he was crossing the river at the time) that I judged it made him blind, because he ran over the steering oar of a trading scow. Of course the traders sent up a volley of red-hot profanity. Never was a man so grateful as Mr. B was ; because he was brim full, and here were subjects who would talk back. He threw open a window, thrust his head out, and such an eruption followed as I never had Leird before. The fainter and farther away the scowmen's curses drifted, the higher Mr. B lifted his voice, and the weightier his adjectives grew. When he closed the window he was empty. You could have drawn a seine through his system and not caught curses enough to disturb your mother with. Presently he eaid to me in the gentlest way : "My boy, you must get a little memorandum-book, and every time I tell you a thing, put it down right away. There's only one way to be a pilot, and that is to get this entire river by heart. You have to know it just like A B C." That was a dismal revelation to me ; for my memory was never loaded with any thing but blank cartridges. How ever, I did not feel discouraged long. I judged that it was best to make some allowances, for doubtless Mr. B was "stretching." JONES PLANTATION. Presently he pulled a rope, and struck a few strokes on the big bell. The stars were all gone now, and the night was as black as ink. I could hear the wheels churn along the bank, but I was not entirely certain that I could see the shore. The voice of the invisible watchman called up from the hurricane deck : "What's this, sir?" " Jones plantation." I said to myself, I wish I might ven ture to offer a small bet that it isn't. But I did not chirp. I only waited to see. Mr. B , handled the engine bells, and in due time the boat's nose came to the land, a torch glowed from the forecastle, a man skipped ashore, a darky's voice on the bank said, "Gim me de carpet-bag, Mars Jones," and the next moment we were standing np the river again, al! serene, I reflected deeply awhile, and then said but not aloud well, the finding of that planta tion was the luckiest accident that ever happened ; but it oonldn't happen again in a hundred years. And I fully be lieved it was an accident, too. By the time we had gone seven or eight hundred miles up the river, I had learned to be a tolerable plucky up 1 1 FIGUEES. stream steers-man in daylight, and be fore we reached St. Louis I had made a trifle of progress in night-work, but only a trifle. I had a note-book that fairly bristled with the names of towns, " points," bars, islands, bends, reaches, eta; but the information was to be found only in the note-book none of it was in my head. It made my heart ache to think I had only got half of the river set down; for aa our watch was four hours off. and four hours on, day and night, there was a long four- hours gap in my book for every time I had slept since the voyage began. A Lost Babe, HOW A CALIFORNIA MOTHER WHO WOULD DANCE WAS BADLY SCARED. A ball was given at Camptonville, Yuba county, Cal., on New Year's Eve, which was attended by a certain lady who resides some distance from that place She had a baby that could not ba left at home. Arriving at Campton ville early in the evening with her baby, she put up at the Globe hotel, kept by one Jones. She told Jones she was desirous of attending the ball if she could find some one who would take care of her baby. Jones, being an accommodating fellow, proposed that he would "father" the "young 'un" ad interim. The lady accepted the offer with joy, and putting the baby to sleep, laid it down gently in Jones' bed, and then went to the ball. Up to midnight Jones made frequent visits to the room, to attend to the wants of his precious charge. From that hour the babe, so far as Jones or its mother was concerned, was left alone, for Jones fell a victim to sleep. It happened, how ever, that a stage-driver was asleep in a room nearly oppasite to the one oc cupied by the babe. About one o'clock a. m. says the North San Juan Times, the babe began to cry fearful Ij, and to appease it the stage driver took it to his own bed, and kept it quiet the re mainder of the night. Ho was up and off by daybreak, before the mother had returned from the ball, and before any one was stirring in the house, leavirg the babe fast asleep in his own bed. An hour later the ball broke up, and the mother returned to the hotel. She went straight to Jones' room to see her babe. Lo ! and behold ! it wasn't there neither was Jones. Soon the whole house was in an uproar, and search was made for the missing babe, but all in vain, in tne meantime the whole town was startled by the information that a child had been stolen and carried away. Finally, it waa remembered that the stage-driver had slept in the house that night, and that possibly he might know something about the missing child. He was telegranhed to on the subject, to Downieville,'and in the couiee of a few minutes a reply was received from him, which read as follows : "Frank Ramp- pin : You will find the child in my bod at the hotel." On the reception of the telegram the mother rushed frantically to the stage-driver's room and found her precious babe lying in his bed fast asleep. Nearly everybody in Campton ville got drunk that day rejoicing over the event. The Nevada Bonanza. The United States steps to the front in the silver-mine business. The fa mous Nevada bonanza will, if its yield equals the estimate, surpass that of any other mine in the history of the world. In comparisons made between the devel oped richness of the NevaJa mines and that of other famous argentiferous de posits the former rate far ahead. The total yield of the Mexican silver mines from the conquest to the present time has been figured at S3 300.0IX). The great Mexican bonanza during three centuries yielded $300,000,000, but this represented a group of mines of Gaan ajuato, of which the Yalencianna, the richest, has as its greatest yield in a year $1,600,000. The greatest yearly productions of the Potosi mines of Bo livia have been about 2,250,000. The richest silver-bearing district of Europe, that of Freiburg, in Saxony, containing one hundred and fifty mines, only gives a total yield of about $1,000,000. The maximum annual product of the Sierra Almagrer and Hiendelencina silver mines of Spain was only about $550,000, while the greatest yield of the silver mines of Konigsberg, Norway, in any one year, was only a quarter of a million dollars. Reforming A Puj 'ose. Mrs. St. John Eckel, Maria Monk's daughter, gives the following account of tho successful reformation of her pug nose: "One of the first things my sister had said, on seeing me, was, ' But where is your pug nose ?' ' It is gone,' I replied ; but I did not tell her how it had gone. I will here make the confession to the reader. At night I would take a long string and fasten it around my face, drawing it so tightly around the tip of my nose that I could hardly breathe through my nostrils. During the day I used to pull cn the nose. In two years I succeeded, and the pug disappeared. How much did I not suffer for this vanity ?" Divorces in England. The increase in the business of the divorce court is rather alarming. In 1870 the court an nulled 154 marriages ; in 1871 the num ber was 176 ; in 1872 it rose to 173, and last year it was 215. U one will reflect that before the divorce court was estab lished the number of divorocs obtained in England was scarcely five per year, acd that domestio life was then far more pure than it is now, he may estimate for himself the value of this especial invention of " human progress." I sup pose that if a law were passed by which parents might kill their children under certain circumstances, the number of babies put to death would increase steadily year after year. Persons who may have inclined to the belief that Dickenp, in the exuberance of his imaginative ideas, created the names given to many of his characters will probably be encouraged to believe otherwise by pursuing the following list of brokers, now doing business in the city of London, as printed in a recent edition of the London Times : Clement Coney Butlin Morris, John Alexander Petrooocnino, Tom Edward Wilkins Thomas, Temple Hillyard Hicks Soanes, Edward Hudson Blower Smith, Norman Percy Miles Trosou, and Spiridion Stamati Zala, COLUMBIA, MAJOR MUDD'S MURDER, BY JUDGE CLARK. Old De Bruin was a leader of the stockocracy a " bear," moreover. He had faith in nothing but financial total depravity. His bump of reverence was a concavity. Like Capt. Symmes, he believed in the hollowness of the world not only of this world, but all others, including the next. He would have sold stock in the whole of them " short. The final bankruptcy of the universe was a cardinal article of his creed, and he didn't believe the assets would pay over fifty per cent. He had a daughter " Pet." The best that can be said of her is that she didn't take after her father ; for Pet was a beau ty, and didn't care a picayune whether Bash Preferred went up or down. I met Pet at one of our fashionable sea-sides, and, to out a long story short, fell in love with her and told her so. She said neither "yes" nor "no when I popped the question, but hnng her pretty head and asked for time, as her father might have done in case of the "bulls" having a temporary ad vantage in the market. I soon found that another was the real stumbling-block. It always is an other, who, in spite of what the prayer book says, is wickedly putting asunder those whom Heaven would join together. Another, in this instance, was a fat Broad-street broker, old enough to be Pet's father, and so like the latter that the two might have been cubs of the the same litter. He was called Major Mudd ; and to him, it seems, old De Bruin had, some time before, hypothe cated hia daughter. Pet had no great liking for the major. What woman ever had for a man old enough to be her father unless it was her father ? I waa near her own ago, and well I'll not flatter myself. The upshot of it wa3 that Pet and I made up our minds to run away and get married she confiding in paternal affection for final forgiveness, and I in the old gentleman's ultimate discovery that he couldn't help himself. Mi. De Brnin watched his daughter like a hawk. He evidently suspected something. How to carry out our plan became, from day to day, a more per plexing question, The old fellow's eye was on our outgoings and incom ings. He would tap at his daughter's door, at the most unexpected seasons, under pretense of making thi3 or that irrelevant inquiry. To evade his vig ilance would have been like giving the slip to Argus. A bright idea struck me. I had often amused myself and Pet by mimicking the mijor. I could do his voice to a nicety ; and having had some experi ence in private theatricals, I felt sure that with a little stuffing and other making up I should be able to person ate the old hipopotamus to perfection. The major's arrival was expected daily, and when he came, Pet and I knew, that with two instead of one to watch us the execution of our scheme would be rendered doubly difficult. Accordingly we deteimined to bring matters to a crisis. It was given out that I was going cway not to return. It being privately understood that I was to come back the same evening, dii-guised as the major ; deceive Peter's father as to my identity; carry her off at. midnight ; marry her at the nearest minis er's ; and boldly risk the consequences. I took an austentatious leave of Mr. De Bruin, bowed a ceremonious good by to his daughter, and took the next train for the city. That evening I presented myself to the hotel clerk, to whom I had paid my bill in the morning, with all the dignity of padded portliness and the frosts of at least fifty winters silvering the locks of my wig. The clerk who knew the major well, saved me the commission of downright forgery by registering the name himself. I spent a dull evening with Mr. De Bruin. Pet left us early, doubtless to prepare for our midnight flitting ; and the old gentleman tackled me in a dis cussion about "points " and " corners " that fairly made my head swim, and more than once drove me to the verge of committing myself through ignor ance. Bed-time came at last, and I hastened to my room, where T threw off my dis guise, and resnmed my usual apparel my purpose being to quit the house when all as quiet, meet Pet at the ap pointed rendezvous, and convey her in a carriage, engaged to be in waitiDg, to the place at which the nuptial knot was to be tied. It is an unromantio fact to speak of in this connection, but one which subse quent events make it necessary to men tion, that the excitement I was laboring under caused my nose to bleed freely. I had barely succeeded in stanching it, when a glance at my watch apprised me that I had no time to spare. I opened my room door softly and stepped into the hall-way. " Ha I" exclaimed a voice. I turned quickly and found myself face to face with old De Bruin, who was evidently surprised to see me coming out of what he supposed to be the major's apartment. He didn't stop to parley, however, but passed by, carry ing his chamber lamp in his hand. I had gone but a few steps when Mr. De Bruin rushed out, pale with alarm, and shouting : " Murder 1" " Seize him I" he cried, pointing me out to those who came in answer to his call. " He has made away with the major, who is nowhere to be seen, and the floor is covered with his blood !" The haste with which 1 was seeking to beat a retreat, added to the proofs against me, and I was caught and se cured at once. Next morning I was arraigned before a local magistrate. I had but little to say. Of course, I could enter into no explanations without compromising Pet. I could only urge that the major's body not having been found, there was no sufficient evidence of his murder. The non-appearance of the corpse, however, in the estimation of the magisterial Dogberry, by augmenting the mystery, only added to the horror of the crime. Had I accounted for my presence in the major's room at an unseasonable hour ? Had I explained my sudden return, after having taken a final leave of the place in the morning? Had I cleared TENNESSEE, FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 1875. up the blood-stains on the carpet ? j None of these had I attempted to do, Above all, the major had been seen to enter his room, I had been seen to come out of it, and he had been seen no more. It was clear a foul crime had been committed, and who but I could be the guilty one ? I was fully committed to etand my trial for willful murder, and was being led away by an officer, when Mr. De Bruin, who had attended as a witness, as the crowd passed the railway-station which was near at hand, gave a sudden start. " Bless my soul 1" he exclaimed. " How are you ?" said a portly gen tleman, advancing to extend his hand. The other drew back as he might have done from a ghost. " Wh what ! ain't you dead, major?" Major Mudd, for the new-comer was no other, warmly repelled the insinua tion. Old De Brnin was completely mystified ; and it was not till the dis guise I had worn had been discovered, and some other circumstances came to light, that the truth began to dawn upon him. I was discharged, of course ; and, on my way to take the next departing train, I saw Pet, on the major's arm, promenading the veranda of the hotel. She made a mouth at ma over her shoulder as I passed. No woman ever forgives a man for making her or Lim- self ridiculous. Pet would have mar ried me and made me a good wife, no doubt, but for the misadventures of that night. As it was, she married the major, and I am still a bachelor. In Architectural Fiasco. INTERIOR DEFECTS OF THE PARIS GRAND OPERA HOUSE. Outside, the opera is not a failure ; inside, it is a fiasco. Some years ago, when Baron Haussmann was remodel ing Paris, the drawings of M. Charles Gamier, architect, were accepted for the national opera, because it entered admirably into the general plan. The center of Paris, the junction of so many fine boulevards, had to have a grand monument, and the enormous building planned by Gamier was ao cepced b M. Haussmann. But he him self made many changes in the plan, for the benefit of his own plan, for the streets to center at the Place de l'Opera. Gamier changed his model and estimated the cost of his building at some twenty million francs. But forty-three millions'of francs were swal lowed up before the house was near completion. The outside, constructed under Baron Haussman's eye, is as fine as anything in the world, and no coun try can show a grander or more impos ing structure ; but when left to himself Gamier proved unequal to his task. The main salle is small, squatty, if I may use the term, badly lighted, badly constructed, and with boxes very badly disposed ; everything has been sacri ficed to two or three showy foyers whioh are marvelous, it is true, bat not as necessary as a good central salle. The entrance and the grand staircase ire also magnificent, and Taul Baudry has decorated the foyers with some very fine work of art ; but, beyond this, I can say very little good of the boasted monument of high art in France. The boxes are narrow and there is a man trap in the shape of a break-neck step at the entrance of each. I must warn all who hope to visit the opera during the coming season to remember this step, or they may get an ugly fall. The gaignoircs are simply detestable, and one might as well ba in a cellar. The grand chandeliers shed but a gloomy light upon the lower part of the hall, and even the boxes on the first tier are not as roomy or as well lighted as those of the old opera in the line Lepelletier. And stranger still to say, in this thea ter, built at the expense of the entire nation, there is absolutely no plaoe for the people. The chicken-coop allowed them in the loft is not even decent. Everything has been sacrified to the foyers, as I have before remarked, and to the front tiers of boxes held by rich sub cribers. It was for this reason that the director was allowed to raise his prices, for since Eaglish and American visitors will occupy them on off nights, it is necessary to make them pay as much as possible. My first visit to the building was a disappointment, but I was informed that everything would be right when the house was lighted. I waited in patience to see the result. My second visit wbs a still greater dis appointment, and I must say that, in my opinion, the salle of the imperial opera of Vienna is infinitely superior to this in every respect. But the grand monde of Paris can meet in these splen did foyers on the aristocratic nights, and for this the foreigners in Paris are expected to pay on the off nightf , the prices having been raised to this end, and for a very long time to come very few of them will have the pleasure of assisting on subscription nights. I very much fear that this system will prove a costly one. Eaglish and Amer ican visitors may go once to see the bouse, but they will probably keep their money to spend elsewhere when they find that they can only go off nights, and see only the bourgeoisie. Paris Letter, Babies' Names. When people name their babies they sh ould remember their future feelings As a general thing, a name that has a pleasant sound, and is neither too com mon nor too far-fetched and romantio, is the pleasantest to have. And it is always better to have one that, while admitting of a childish diminutive, will not sound ridiculous if its bearer lives to be an old man or woman. At the same time, there is suoh a thing as sticking too strictly to the common-place, and it is not considerate to inflict upon innocent babes their grandfathers' names, or even their grandmothers', if they are obsolete or hideous. It is due to your baby to give it a name that will not be a torment to it in its school-days and there is nothing like a queer name for children to make sport with and one that will last it if it lives to bo eighty. Everi' daughter of the queen of England knows how to cook and keep house, which shows that queens are not always devoid of sound sense. AND Police Conrt Sketches. WHEN THE PANSIES BLOOM. "This is a case which can be celled, tried, and disposed of inside of three minutes," remarked his honor, as Charles Taylor leaned on the railing and regarded him with an appealing look. " I couldn't get nothing to do," re plied the prisoner. " I hear you couldn't, but if I were a young rran eighteen years old, in sound health, and the fat on my ribs was aa inch and a half thick, I'd find work enough to pay for my board, or Pd slide off the wharf and make business for a coroner." "I've looked all around," said the prisoner. " " Well, we won't argue the case. know that work is scarce, but I also know that there are dozens of fat loaf ers around this town who wouldn't turn a grindstone two hours for a week's board. You are charged with vagrancy, are guilty, and I'll give you sixty days. That will let you out about the time the pansies bloom, and if you can't find work then I'll send you back for six monthe," The prisoner shuffled off into the corridor, wiping a tear from his nose, and was so ugly that Bijah had to draw the crowbar at him before he would sit down on the water cooler and wait for the Maria to drive around. "AND HE WAS SO YOUNG," He was only twenty-two, and the bloom of youth on his nose had scarcely been eaten into by the rust of man hood's tribulation. He was found drank cn the sidewalk, lying on his back, arms folded across his peaceful breast, and the pale, cold moon cast a snowy shadow across his face. "Ever here before?" asked the court. "Never." "And you feel powerful mean over this ?" "I do." " And you won't be found in such a situation again ?" " Never." " Well, be very careful of your con duct in the future, young man. You are just budding into manhood now, and if you are picked up drunk at twenty-two what may not happen to you at forty-four ? I don't advise you to earry an icicle around in your pocKet, or to refuse a prescription because one of the ingredients is burnt brandy, but as a general thing it will be best for you to mind your own business, let in toxicating drinks alone, and pay your board bill in advance. This is all, sir there's the way out." "s'cat !" Exclaimed some one in the audience as the name of James Kitten was an nounced. His honor rose up, looked around him, sat down and said : That remark musn't be remarked again. Mr. Kitten had also been drunk. He said tome one drugged him, but it was pretty evident that he took the fluid in the usual way, and that it had no more than the usual effect on him. When found by the officer he was hanging to a tree-box near the city hall and shout ing: "Lucinda, 'fu don't open that door 111 knockyerheadoff 1" "Mr. Kitten, such conduct is unpar donable in a man of your years," said his honor, "and it will be altogether more harmonious for you if you keep awav from me hereafter. I don't re member having met you before, and I don't want to see you a second time. I can let you off this time, but if your faded form confronts me again within a month, I'll make it so lively for you that sitting down on a red hot penny will be a cool position compared to your s. " Am I sent up? asked the prisoner. "No, sir you are sent out and you can step along as soon as Bijah finds your hat." he wasnt. Just before the " last man" was called a tall, red-haired wouan wearing No. 7 shoes and a straw bonnet, and her eyes showering out sparks of anger, attracted the attention of the court and asked : "Is Josephus Andrew McDuff in here?" Bijah dodged into the corridor, made inquiries and then answered her in the negative. " Well, all I want in this world is to get my paws on him !" ejaculated the female, and she strode out, head np, heels striking hard, and her brow cor rugated until it resembled the grooves in a washboard. The boys caught the cue and followed her around tne comer, singing : Oh ! the wife of McDuff. She8 tall and she's tuff, And she'll make it rough For Josephus McDuff. Tuff-ruff. Mr, and Mrs. McDuff. Detroit Free Press. Reasons in Natural History Why have birds gizzards? Because, having no teeth, the tough and fibrous gizzards are employed to grind the food preparatory to digestion. Why does a black down grow under the feather of birds as winter ap proaches ? Because the down is a non conductor of heat, and black the warmest color. Why have ostriches small wings? Because, having long legs, they do not require their wings for flight ; they are merely used to steady their bodies while running. Why cannot flesh eating animals live on vegetables? Because the gastric juice of a flesh-eating animal, being adapted to the duty whioh it has to per form, will not digest vegetable matter. Why are there so many bodily forms in the animal creation ? Because the different creatures which God created have different modes of life, and the forms of their bodies will be found to present a perfect adaptation to the lives allotted to them. Why have birds with long legs short tails ? Because the tails of birds are used to guide them through the air by steerage. When birds with long legs take to flight, they throw their legs behind, and they then serve the same purpose as a tail. Why have fishes air-bladders ? Be cause, as the density of water varies greatly at different depths, the enlarge ment or contraction of the bladder reg ulates the relation of the speoifio grav ity of the body of the fish to that of the water in which he moves. Why are woodpecker's tongues about three times longer than their bills? Because, if their bills were long they would not bore tha tree so efficiently and when the trees are bored," and the insects alarmed, they endeavor to re treat into the hollows of the wood ; but the long, thin tongue of the wood pecker fixes ihem on its sharp, horny point, and draws them into the month of the bird. Why has the elephant a short, un bending neck ? Because the elephant's head is so heavy that it could not have been supported at the end of a long neck, or lever, without a provision of immense muscular power. Note. Ac cording to Culver, the number of mus cles in the elephant's truDk amounts to 400,000, allot which ate under the will as it is to these that the proboscis of this animal owes its flexibility. It can be protracted at pleasure, raised np or turned to either side, coiled around on itself or twined around any object. A Defense .of I'rclly Women. After all, is the world so very absurd in its love of pretty women ? Is woman so very ridiculous in her chase after beauty? A pretty woman is doing a woman's work in the world, but not making speeches, nor puddings, but making life eunny and more beautifnL Man has foresworn the pursuit of beauty altogether. Does he seek it for himsol f, he is guessed to be poetic ; there are whispers that his morals are no better than they ehonld be. In society reso lute to bo ugly there is no post for an Adonis, but that of a model or guards man. But woman does for mankind what man has ceased to do. ner aim from childhood is to be beautiful. E?en as a school girl she notes the progress of her charms the deepening color of her hair, the growing symmetry of her arm, the ripening contour of her cheek. We watch with silent interest the mysterious reveries of the maiden ; she is dreamiDg of a coming beauty and panting for the glories of eighteen. In sensibly the becomes an artist ; her room is a studio, her glass an acailemy. The joy of her toilet is the joy of Raphael over his canva, of Michael Angtlo over his marble. She is creating beauty in the silence and the loneliness of her chamber. She grows like any art creation, the result of patience, of hope, of a thousand delicate touohings and retouchings. Woman is never per fect, never complete. A r stless night undoes the beauty of the day ; sunshine blurs the evanescent coloring of the cheek ; frost nips the tender outlines of her face into sudden harshness. Care plows its lines across her brow; mother hood destroys the elastic lightness of her form ; the bloom of her cheek, the quick flash of her eye, fade and vanish as the years go by. But woman is true to her ideal. She won't know when she is beaten, and she manages to steal fresh victories even in her defeat. She invents new conceptions of womanly grace ; she rallies at forly, and fronts us with the beauty of womanhood ; she makes a last stand at sixty, with the beauty of her age. She falls, like C.-e?ar, wrapping her mantle around her "buried in woolen 'twould a saint provoke 1" Dsath listens pitifully to the longiDga of a lifetime, and the wrinkled face smiles with something of the prettiness of eighteen. The Secret of Beauty. It is not in pearl powder, nor in gold en hair-dye, nor in jewelry. It cannot be got in a bottle or a box. It is pleasant to be handsome ; but all beauty is not in prettinesB. There is a higher beauty, that makes us love peo ple tenderly. Eyes, nose, hair, or skin never did that yet ; though it is pleas ing to see fine features. What you are will make your face over for you in the end, whether nature has made it plain or pretty. Good people are never ill-looking. Whatever their faces may be, an amia ble expression atones for all. If tbey can be cheerful also, no one will love them the less because their features are not regular, or because they are too fat, or too thin, too pale or too dark. Cal tivation of the mind adds another charm to their faces, and, on the whole, if any girl is desirous of being liked by the many and loved by the one, it is more in her power than she may Welitve to accomplish that object. Cosmetics will not accomplish it, how ever. Neither will fine dress ; though a woman who does not dress becomingly wrong3 herself. Forced smiles and affected amiability will be of no avail ; bat if she can man age to feel kindly to everybody, not to be jealous, not to be cross, to be happy if possible, and to encourage content ment, then something will come into her face that will foutlast youth's roses, and fcftin her not only a husband, but a life-long lover. The Fnneral Pneumatic Railroad. A pneumatic subterraneous railroad is to be constructed in Vienna, not for the transportation of live freight, but for the corpses of deceased from the city to the cemeteriep. From the oellars of centrally located chapels in the city, tunnels, two, three, and four miles long, will run to the different cemeteries out side the city. The tunnels are to be only large enough to pass tho coffins lengthwise, which will be placed on a small platform-car moving on rails, while the blast of air sends the corpses off to the cemetery at a rate of velocity equal to forty or more miles per hour. This does away with the tedious and time-robbing funeral processions. All the precession that takes place is in the city from the house to the chapel; then, as soon as the funeral servioe is ended, the coffin is lowered down in the cellar by means of an elevator, the friends go home, while the body is labeled for its destination, and goes where the grave is situated. We must confer s it takes much of the poetry of burial, the as sembling of friends around the grave, etc., but then the world is progressing, time is becoming more and more pre cious, and wo can no longer afford to lose time with slow funerals ; and if the living are clamorous for quick trans portation, why not give this privilege to the dead also? VOL. XX. NO. 31. The Consumption of American Cotton Before looking to other countries we may consider how far the American crop can supply the world's consump tion of Ameiican cotton. ' The careful and searching scrutiny made of the Ct nsumption last October, leads ns to believe the invisible stock waa then un derrated, and that the quantity of American cotton actually consumed out of tho last crop did not exceed 3,900,000 bales, if it reached that figure. Practi cally the last crop yielded a surplus of dOO.000 bales beyond the world's con sumption. The previous one yielded a surplus of 200,000, and we venture to say that if the present crop reaches four and' a 'quarter millions, it will yield a surplus of 2"0, 000 bales, for we do not think that the consuming power of the world will exceed four millions the present season. In Eogland the con sumption will be stationary ; on the oontinent it will increase a little; in America it will, perhaps, be rather less, for trade is exceedingly bad there, and the mills are still working a good deal of short time. The result of three crops in America will, therefore, bo to add about 750,000 bales to tho quantity of American cotton remaining in stock at the end of th s season, as compared with the famine supply held at the end of the short crop of 1871-72. Against this, however, we have to put a large redaction in the stocks of East India cotton. Nobody can doubt that we have a sufficient sup ply of American ootton the coming year. with a crop exceeding 4 000.000, and a superabundant supply if it exceeds 4,250,000. The Indian supply has hitherto been the balance wheel of our market. A big American crop and low prices used to cut off so much from the Eist that the pendulum swung round aud our apparent snrp'us soon disap peared. It seems, however, that lower prices than we had once supposed will bring us the fall weight of the Indian crop. At the present moment there is no sign of a smaller supply from India next year, the crops in western India are promising remarkably well. The Oomrawuttee crop is estimated at 10 per cent, larger than last. The Broach and Dhollerah are expected to be very ccod if no mischief befall the m the next two months, and the Dharwar crop is moderately well ppoken of. The Ben gal crop is also pretty good, whereas it waa a failure last year. We think India will supply as much ootton in 1875 as in 1874, unless prices fall very low in deed. Egypt does not promise well, the season was not favorable, and esti mates of decrease vary from 10 to 20 per cent, say 50,000 to 100,000 bales. The Brazils are expected to give the same as last year. It appears, therefore, that our ootton supply, es a whole, promises to be folly equal to the consumption of the world, and there does not appear to be room for violent fluctuations in prices. The mo6t trying period of our market will be the spring months ; a heavy im port will arrive continuously till mid summer, the American cotton now tine loses considerably, and it will need strong accounts from America to sus tain our market in the face of this. Y t it is quite possible that if receipts fell off unusually fast in the spring, we might see such vigorous buying on the part of the trade as to cause a smart ad vance, in epite of the large report. On the other hand, it is equally on the cards that suoh large receipts and weak ness in America will cause the import to be pressed on our market and lead to very low prices for a time. Ths next two or three months will probably en able us to know with tolerable certainty what will be the lowest dip of the sea son, or whether it is already past. London Circular. The Boy Was Innocent. The other day a letter oarrier asked a Larch street boy if he wouldn't stop at Mr. Jones' house and tell the old man that there was a registered letter in the postoffica for him, and the boy said he'd cheer fully do it. When he approached the house he saw Mr. Jones at the gate, shoveling off ioe, and he halloed across the street : " Say, Mr. Jones, you've got a letter in the postoffioe." "I have, eh? you young sauoe-box t" roared Mr. Jonep, and he ran across the street and made an awful blow at the lad with bin snow shovel. When the boy reached home he in formed his mother that if ever Jones wanted anybody to run for the doctor again he'd do his own running. The Stuff Ocr Army is Made Or. During the last six or eight years, ac cording to the Army and Navy Journal, fully one half of the recruits received into the army have deserted. There has been an improvement, however, during the last few years, the number of desertions falling oft some fifty per cent. The change is attributed to the army bill of 1872, by the provisions of which inducements are offered to men to remain in the servioe. The pay was increased, a portion being retained until the final discharge, and savings banks, wherein the thrifty might lay up a store of cash, were established. The journal thinks, and wisely, that the best mate rial for the army is recruited in the count r. towns. A Woman s C,ikaoh. Richard A. Proctor, in Lis "Borderland of Science," and in the chapter on " Flying and Fly ing Machines," states that " the first person who soared aloft in the air by this invention (that of a kite carriage) was a lady, whose oourage would not te denied this teat of its strength. An arm-chair was brought on the ground, thtn lowering the cordage of the kite by slackening the lower braoe, the hair was firmly lashed to the mai- line, and the lady took her seat. The main braoe being hauled taut, the huge, bouyant sail rose aloft with its fair burden, con tinuing to ascend to the height of a hundred yards. On descending she ex pressed herself much pleased with the easy motion of the kite, and the de lightful prospect she had enjoyed." A sad commentary on capital punish ment, exercised in the case of murder esses, is that of tho New Brunswick w man, who recently gave birth to a child that is to be deprived of its mother next mouth by hanging. A woman who whs recently hanged in England, too, a'ked to suckle her infant as the last not before ascending the soaffold. BAT1XGS AXD DOl.NUS. Tot Indian remedy for retuoving ths dandruff removing the scalp. Ibdia has now 8,700,000 acres of land devoted to ootton cultivation. Whin a Boston man takes a Raian bath he imparts a dark stain to sixteen gallons of water. There are only three women in Mil waukee who can direct an envelope straight without first drawing a line with a pin. A "please help tho po r" box in Philadelphia received only four cen's duriDg the year 1874, and tLree cf tl ceo were very thin ce nta. A California man advertir.es for a wife, beauty no object, but wants lnr friends to deposit $1,500 with him as security for her good be havior. The danger of dabblirg in FptcU politics is thown in tho fart that more than 20,000 persona have b n arreted in France for insurrectiounry cmniun ism. An elephant is l,227,38tl times larpor than a flea, but yet there arc wouieu who growl at pnjing two nhilliug to visit a menagerie and, will turn a featLer bed over for half a day to hiibt a floo. All the axes aud buck-saws fonnd in the ruins of Pompeii are cf 1 ij-lit moke, as if countruetd for women's nse. These old aiiCicnta knew their littia business. A Taris merchant who refused lo ad vertise was challoLged by nu editor and shot. The man who pnya anything against advertising dvMrres to ba fhot on the ppot. Admiral Porter says we have no navy, aud that thero are a hundred iron clads in Europe, any one of which is cnpable of dcKtroying in action our whole fleet or rubiLcd. The Indians at IVto.ky, aenor.lina; to the Clam Lake News, have tho follow ing expressive if rot elogant caving for one of the Grand lUpLis and Indiana railroad employes : " Ugh, much talk, d d little do.' Vahi'fz, thenotfd ban lit of Califor nia, Las been cmvi.'ted cf thirty-acvu separate and dint iuct murder. We al ways said thntwlien a man poos into any kind of bninocs ho oiiftht to do his best to make a mcceas of it. "A crisis exifita in H uUi Ararrics," says a cable ncpaim irm louoon. and revolution H coriMdi-rod im minent." That in tho kind of news we have boen getting from South Amorio for the last flffy years. It in becoming te-Jion'. Tell us something new. The San Francicco papoia boant that their new " Talaco Hotel" will require four thousand locks and forty-eight thouaand keys to muke it just the tLirg. These locks and keys will weigh seven tons and will cost 320,000 in f ol J coin. Chicago stands shafct. The Grand Pacifio must hide its dituitiinlit d head. lFyouwinhto drowu yourself, kick and eplatdi about as violently aa you can, snd you will soou go to the bottom. But if tou remember you are lighter than water, and if you calmly and steadily refrain from druwing yonr breath while under the wat r, keep yonr head raised, and yonr arm under, you will soon learn to float and swim like a duck. Kate, in a note from Brooklyn, ex presses her won ler that nn-n gcner.dly are not better ikillod in the art of look ing at a pretty womin in tho street car. She says that all girli are pleased to have their attraction reoonizftd in a certain gentle way the eyes lingering for an instant only but that a pro longed stare from a man, no nmltor how handsome he may be, eieites nothing but a feeling of an.ioyanoj anl dingiibt. Statistical tables show there ar-j iu the whole world alout one. hundred and sixtv fonrcities wi'.h inn.OOO inhabitant"; nine with over 1,0(0,000; telv. with from 1,000,00!) dojrn to .r.( o into; twenty with from C00 000 to -loo.ooo; thirty- three with from 200,000 to .'100,000 : an.l ninety with from 100,000 to 200,000. The sgeregate of thcHe larg" cities com prises 50,000,000 c f inhabitants, that is to say the twenty-eighth part of the en tire population of tho g1olx The Paris gofsipa call tho rnarria7 of Mile. Oinlia Str&kohch daughter of Mr. Manrico Strakoach, snd niece of Patti, Marquise Da Caux, with M. Ernest Bonrdillon, a young and rising advocate of the Coiir d'Appe', a splen did match a love match in the bar gain, a thing not always found in France. M. Bonrdillon is a liandHome young fellow, of very polihe.l man ners, and will cer'ainly make his mark. Mile. Strakoseh is a sweet snd winning young lady, who inherits the ronnioal talents of her pireuts. A very largo and fashionable awnibly assist d at the nuptial benvliction at the Church of Saint Angnatin. An interesting relic of by-gone timo has lately disappeared with the det.Ui, on December 22, of Lord Byron's valet. Faloieri, at the age of peventy eight After tho poet's death, hia friend Sir John Hobhonae.afterward LordBrough ton, took Falcieri into his employ tn courier. Beforo lour, however, tho courier returned to his former calling, and continued to serve as valet with Isaao Diaraeli, anMior of "The Curi osities of Literature," and father t' jhe present 1'rimo Mirnater, OLtil bi master's death. In IH.'J Lord ItrotiRh- ton got him a berth as messenger at th i board of ooutrol. He was a very pleasant, obliging person, Bnd ai asnist ant to the heod f1i.M keeper, the iki lite old Italian, with Lis broken Enr;. lish, was ofton hell in fri.ndty chat by thfse who came aoroM him iu the way of business. Iron in iiik t;i.ieiN Matter cr Blood. Paonelin and .Tolly, in a memoir presented to the Paris acad emy, have proved : Firat, that the in. a exists in the blood dinks in the state of m tribario phosphate. Second, that the hematin does not contain iron what already Chevrenl olmerved when ho stated that tho comp ositioa of the col oring matter varies with tho nature of the solvent nsed for its extraction, bat at the same time he did not know how to obtain it in a pnre ftate. We havo succeeded in obUitiug the pigment ..-r- fectly pure and free from iron. II ma tin has the following properties: It bums without leaving ahec, lik r- s inons aubt-tauoes ; it is inKoltibV in pure water ; it deaolves in a very fniall quantity in ammoniscal water, to hich it gives a pale yellow tint; it is charged by solutions of potai-h and caustic aoda. to which it gives a brown ulor ; it is slightly soluble in alcohol ; the solution is amber color ; the solvents of the h m atosine are ether, chloroform, Wnzc Is, and bisnlphau of carton. With thMe bodies the diluted aolntion is amber color ; whea concentrated it is rtnl. Savobt OMFXKr Miko batter as for a pancake, chop a littlo pamley and greeu onions, and ppier and salt, htir in, and fry iu plenty of lard. It may I served either dry or with gravy.