GOJXQ TO SPELLINQ-SCHOOL.
T HAWX r. TATLOm.
The brawl ol a nilvrry noon t
And the world lies under the moon,
I'nder the moon and the now;
The moon come out froin nn'ler clouj
And Rhinea on the world below.
The now, cold, white a a tinea shroud,
I'M on hut an hour afro,
la a petrly weh with a ailrer thread.
Uobc for a briilal and not for the dead.
The river la ailent aa llg-ht.
The road ia a rihhon ol white,
IMihon ol i!k Irom Japan
It Ixirdi i rich w 1 1 It a Htm and shine,
Betray where the Hleifrh-!ho)- ran,
That Ir.in the Mi"W to a lahric fine,
Klp.-d like a laly's Ian
Ah. lh nipht ia lair ax a marhle jrirl,
Jtmty wilh etara and the mother of erl.
The sehool-honae ia r d and aloof,
Ard rolla from Ita mosar old roof
Column of jrlnriri.-d ir'loom,
Aa if there pre from the chimney rude
A amke-tree rlal in ila I. loom,
A nhfenix fiirof the lunnlni wood,
Just apruncr from the aimi'iier room,
Wi-h thwt only trace of an earthly taint,
1'ictureaa white aa the aoul of aaatot !
A twarjrinjr and trilling of wires !
Are a'ltrela attuninr their lyrea,
Tunintr with ncplipcnt hn-l V
Hrii! chimea of bells Irom over the bills
Punee memlv thr-mrh the land
The tuiklmp troll of a liumlrcd rills,
;ymhlHol brans from a hand '.
Tia the tiiipinK at' in pa of the l, IIh in hronie
Sprinkling the nii;lit wi h their nliuwery tonen.
A upell is abroad and a son?.
The slli-rs and aimjera aionfr,
Wizard and witrln-g hy aira.
In colters snuj: rc the Adunia and Eves,
Kilen'eown children and heirs !
Bella in the wood, in lieu of the leaves
And lella that th" eeho wrara
It is rivf, n'no, rint, to the au'inuinff jrait,
1 hen the teams lireak trot, lor the hour ia late,
At a ting-a-lm, ung--linj;, galloping; rale !
Now over the rid iree they ride,
Ami down through the valley they glide.
And brine nt the aehKi-houe door,
With biiniileil iirlK in theiui!lei hooil.
Ami ita elpinj; of down, a of yore.
Their heart are aaaweet as the cedar wood.
Their irowna wii h'ut guHM-t or frore,
And Vandyki1 with a fieak hetore,
Aud Uieir hair ia gioaed down like a blackbird's
winira.
And their shoe arc lad up, and with leather
strings !
They IhustIi and they 1 -up to the ground,
In a'o'ili n, all miltened and gowned,
Lit up wilh a ribbon blue,
W ith a breath of cloven or ot sassafras,
Kae-efc like Kuih'a aiifl ua true
Aa ever smiled in a lookinrr-gNaa,
And cheeks wilh the roies through '
All look like flowers that are nearly blown.
In the zoneleaa grace of their " London brown,"
N-t arbnrnn in bon is, nor a lieauty laced,
Cesius of Venus would girdle the waist.
A charming crew conies last
In the Kumily Ark of the past.
Packing it full, and in pairs
The rude old sleigh, so roniy and red,
All strewn wilh atraw, like Poverty's bed,
Millenial lambs in their lairs 1
Like an emigrant ship is the lumliering craft,
mwiied and I iden bolh forward anil all,
With a wooden heart surmounting the stern.
Where the teaiuterof old arave the reins a turn.
Ah, the hearts that throbbed with their yoiilhtul
blood
Were as free from care as the sculptured wood.
Oh. Covenant Ark of the snow,
Freighted lor church at the door !
Two, side by side, on the sheepskin seat.
Are bound lor Canaan's shore;
The ffpinre loot-stove is under their feet,
A bufl.do robe before.
In the two flag chairs that are side by shir.
Are the gray old man nnd his silver hriJe,
still she carries one lor the added ten,
Mav follow the rule and carry again !
1 hen the ltoys and girls in their Siimlay clothes,
And the rank slopes down as it lurther goes.
To thn-e in a row, for the last are least.
Like the sunrks of atara in the eariy K ist !
Ah, the old rd sb iarh, be it evr lilest !
It has borne the dead to their silent rest,
The biNircrs. oy twos, as they rode abreast,
lias rarrud the brides, their btdding and
' ' things. "
When Ibe girls were ijueens and the bridegrooms
kinus.
To the splay-foot jog of the olden time.
And the ching, clang, clang, of thesleigli-bells'
eliime.
Ah, necklace of melody old,
Wilh apples and walnuts of gold
That ilanei d to the horses' feel !
The mother bell in the middle bung,
As big as a " tixlden Sweet."
Then small each way till the string was strung,
And two lilbert lulls ill I meet.
And two rhyming hearts did lit-at.
Ah, the string is dumb, and as green with rust.
As the dimpled graves of the maiden's dust !
Scnbnei 't for May.
OI K SPANISH CASTLE.
ltV T. It. BATTKU.K.
It was a March day. t the tradition
al kind of day with "which the month en
ters, and with which he delights to treat
unhappy mortals when he chooses; to com
bine wiihin a single week all the annoy
ances and discomforts ot which the entire
almanac is capable. On the contrary it
wa one of those lost days that somehow
having fallen out of line in Time's eternal
n.arch. hasten, like conscience-stricken
stragglers, to resume their places in the
ranks, anil either delight or terrify us wilh
the atmosphere of their coming. The day
of which I write was of happy counten
ance, and beamed upon us with a smile
bright and genial as those wear who come
assured of their welcome.
Hut what after all did it matter to me il
the air was bright, and the clear, quiet sky
Wits full of tokens of the coming spring?
The sun might shine hi grandest, and the
layevero temptingly leekon men out
under the wide sky, but few such influen
ces as these ever found their way into the
back olliee ot !ru!ler v. Co., "importers
and jobbers. It was there that, since eight
o'clock in the morning, I had liecn Utilis
ing laboriously t:p nnd down the columns
of figures in" (Jrulilx-r & (Vs ledgers,
much as the trained fn-ar on his pole in the
r.owcry harden, till at last my addled
brain performed its tasks its did the feet of
captive Hruin. For it must lie known that
I was lxiok-ki-ejier in the extensive lirm
above-mentioned, and if any one thinks
such a position a sinecure, let hint come
and try it for a week. Then1 was another
question Iteside the question of iigurcs
that kept forcing its way into mv head
every now and then. It was one that not
unfrequently troubles people in our large
cities: the question of what shall we do
for a roof, or where shall we move? You
will observe that the fact of moving is
taken for granted, and since it was alto
gether a necessity, it is hardly worth
while to discuss the why aud wiim-fore.
The model book-keccr, we are told, ought
to own the house he lives in ; and that I ic
ing the case. I was certainly not to be
classed in that category. If such argu
ment was strictly logical, one might carry
it farther, and claim that if the liook-keep-cr
should own his house he should also
own his time, and hence become his own
employer; but all that is rather foreign to
the subject. Let the reader be assured
that if by any process of reasoning the
writer could have demonstrated himself
into the possession of an independent in
come, this narrative would not have liecn
written. Anil since it could not. there
forr. be followed the columns of (irublier
A; Co.'s ledgers, and lived in a rented
house.
Having said this much, it is certainly
unnecessary to explain wiry at the close
of the March day. as at theVlose of many
other March day, my wife and 1 indulged
in our usual friendly contest for the pos
session of the evening paper. For the
same reason it need not be stated that our
eves passed hastily by the departments of
"Ist and Found." "Wanted," "For
Sale." with all their kin, and stopped at
that headed "For llent."
The list contained a number of choice at
tractions, and if we might believe all that
was said of the proK'rty, w e should have
wondered seriously why those i" our
friends whom we knew to inhabit some
very commonplace aiid inferior tenements,
did" not make ajl haste to change their
alRdes. lut we understood, it. better af
terward, when we discovered that the
"neat," "well-arranged" and "very desira
ble" edifices in question, were only the
commonplace ami inferior ones seen
through a real-estate agent's glasses. We
found many an attractive picture in the
enlnmiK of the Ertmino AJrerii$er, but We
did not know theii a we did subsequently,
that the high colors were the work of an
artUt in ink. aud not of a puoiograpner.
the very nature of w hose instrument com
pels luiu to veracity.
When anv man bits a question to solve
himself, he "naturally seeks as the nearest
and most obliging ally, the newspaix-r.
What ancient ever imagined that compendi
um of all that is sorrowful, humorous,
terrible, strange and iaihetic tlie daily
paper? The old Athenians were wont to
spend a great part of their time in hearing
or tvlling some new thing; how much ot
that time they might have saved, could tlie
old (ireek citv have imported a telegraph
office, and half a dozen abl-fxlied. quick
witted reporters! To-day all is changed,
lieginning w ith tbe birth of a human be
ing. Uic newspaper follows him faithfully
through the various stages of existence,
rejoicing. at his success ; philosophizing
over his misfortunes; chiding his faults
aud ai'i'laudicg his virtues; happiest
TTTl
ii tii ii i i
HJ&i
'VOLUME I.
among tlie happy at his wedding, and ut-
tcrly inconsolable at his funeral.. What
comes nearer fulfilling the scriptural dell-
nition of bfiiiiT "all tilings to all men,"
than your city daily?
15nt my wite says that if I "fro on" with
my iioiiiuy tinicn. longer, tne reader will
never wait to near 01 our pauieli astie ;
so jM-rlinjis we had better return to our
muttons.
Having sticcwtled In securinira half-holi
day, w startexl out one breezy afternoon.
duly armed and equipped, with a list of
all the "eligible" and "well-appointed-'
houses that seemel to come within
our limits, fully prepared to find mnn
the
nin- opiwrtumties," at least half a
dozen that would tit us nicelv. But the
tirs-t hoiist; inspected resulted in an mi-
leasaut surprise ; the second is a serious
disappointment ; the third In a positive
shock, and the middle of the afternoon
found us in a state of general distrust and
skepticism lamentable to contemplate.
One of the most serious troubles that we
encountered, was to harmonixe our tastes
and requirements with the very moderate
sum that we leu stole to set aside lor rent.
It was the old story of human longings
md aspirations in a very practical form.
What we wanted we could not have : what
we could have we did not want, and so we
wandered on restless and dissatisfied.
The questions which wen; asked us in
our rounds were numerous but not varied.
In general range they embraced inquiries
largely of a social nature, though then
were those that also had a decided busi
ness tone. The principal points touched
upon were those relating to our previous
location; our reason for moving; mv
own business; the size of our family ; our
church n-lations; tlie length of time we
should probably want the house; whether
we designed taking hoarders, and it so.
how many; with others that need not lie
enumerated. But to thecreditof landlord
and agent le it recorded, that in all the
list there was nothing asked concerning
which it was not the positive duty of the
landlord to inform himself. To the owner.
the renting of his house is not a pleasure
but a dut', and it behooves him,esecially
when the number of applicants is large
:ind the niimlHT ot houses small, to take
every precaution for his own safety. For
there ate not untreqiiently people in the
budding of the vear. who yield by slow
degrees to the insidious allurements ot
that wild, weird plcasum till its fascina
tion becomes too powerful for them, and
they spend days and wucks in the giddy
rounds of house-hunting. It is little won
der that now and then the pleasure is too
great or too long continued for the over
tasked frame, and the subje-t linds relief
in a mad-house.
The afternoon was not more than half
exhausted liefore we had learned to (listim
guish readily lictwceh houses that bail
Ix-en constructed to live in. and those that
were only designed to rent. In many a
the latter, the skimping and stinting, the
iiuike-sbilts and false economy stared the
visitor in the face from every room and
corner, and the walls were plainly i 11
scribed "twelve -r cent., exclusive ot
taxes ;" in others the general plan of con
struction, it found anywhere In the or
ganic world, would have afforded an
atheist an invaluable illustration for an
argument against design in Nature. Here
and there we found a house that was fairly
ot! with the old love before it -was oil
with the new, having gotten rid of one
occupant liefon scnring another. These
met us with a vacant, semi-idiotic stare, as
though having been detected iidishcveled
toilet, they were trying to brave it through
by putting on an air of easy nssurancc
which they never felt. What stories the
walls might have told if they had liecn en
dowed with tongues as well its ears, we
never knew, but some of the departed had
written their own biographies upon the
plaster with half-burned matches, or left
them in broken lines upon the paper. So
true it is that blood and breeding are not
to lie concealed.
"The truth is. Patty." said I, at last,
"one might as well try to find a coat or a
character ready made to suit him, as a
house. And if we are to wear somebody
else's cast-oil' clothing, the sooner we be
come reconciled to it the better, lint you
may le sure that it will lie too large in one
din-dion, and pinch us in another.
"Oh, Hugh." cried Patty, at this stage
of my philippic, "here conies a gentleman
who" can direct us to Chester street, per
haps. Who knows?"
I had only time to glance down the
nearly deserted sidewalk (for we were now
in a suburban street), to see that our mi
known friend was too close upon us for
further n-mark, and so I bowed quietly as
I caiiirht his eye, saying at the same time
We are looking for Chester stn-et, sir,
and as we. arc sti-.uigers in this part of the
city, perhaps you would lie kind enough
to direct us?"
" With all my heart," said he. "Indeed,
I am just srohig into Chester street myself,
and I' shall be glad to accompany you."
lie spoke with an easy politeness, and
his address showed him to lie a man of so
ciety, and conversant with the world and
its "ways. I think lie certainly was not
mon' than thirty-five, though Ins face had
an old look, as though he hud been devel
oped into a hot-house maturity. As we
walked along, 1 opserveu that while lie was
not richly dressed, his clothing bore that
general conformity to the prevalent styles
which indicates an acquaintance with what
is n-quired by Fashion, without too gn'at
a subserviency to lier demands a distinct
ion. I may remark, which is always ob
served by your true cosmopolitan.
" Yon are in search of friends, proba
bly?" inquired our new acquaintance,
courteously.
tin the contrary, we arc oniy visiting
our enemies. v e are in search 01 a nouse.
"Indeed," said he with an affable smile,
" I am somewhat interested in houses my
self." "Then you air looking lor a house,
too?" I asked with some show of in
ten'st. " Oh. no ; I am only interested so far as
finding homes for other jvople is con
cerned. I have no home of my own now
(this with a tinge of sadness in his voice);
I have rooms at the St. Eustace Hotel, and
that you know," he added more pleasant
ly, " is merely another name for display
and gilded ostentation, w ithout any of the
comlorts of a home."
Pattv rlanecd at nic in a meaning way.
but I said nothing in reply ; and our friend
went on :
" I belong to that much traduced clas
called landlords. (A pinch on my arm
I'min Pntrr.1 Some vpars ago. when I
came into possession of my procrty, quite i
a snug little sum of ready money nan ac
cumulated (some thirty thousand, if 1 re
member right), and some of my friends ad
vised me to put it into houses. But I am
sorry that I ever consented. This is Ches
ter street, sir, on our left."
" But we thought that laudiords always
ma le a great deal of money Irom their
houses, didn't we, Hugh?" remonstrated
Pattv.
"Not at all, mv dear madame, net at all,
I assure you," replied the landlord, warm
ly. 44 We are subject to a great many ex
penses that probably haw never occurred
to you. What with interest, insurance,
and taxes and repair, with the occasional
loss incurred through a poor tenant, the
margin is very small I can assure you,
madame, very small indeed."
"() Hugh," cried Patty rather irrele
vantly, " there is 4 No. 197,' just in front
of us"."
Sure enough, our walk had drifted us
into the very neighborhood that we were
seeking. To make assurance doubly guru,
however, I drew out the slip of paper con
taing the advertisements we had cut from
the paper of the previous evening. Yes,
there it was ; and I read alond :
Foa IUxi A highly desirable two-story oot
tare bouse, Xo. 10; Chester street, hy a pentle
mn alHMit to go to Euro. Poseseion given at
once. Term verj reasonable. Furniture if de
aired. nere was No. 197, and the door still held
a very neat looking silver plate inscribed
44 Robert H.Cresap."
Our friend was about parting from us
! with a courteous bow, a I turned to ring
the Im-U, but Patty heard him rnutbr half
i aloud, as he consulted a verj' handsome
watch, " I have stUl thirty-live minute to
' ajmltj." Then he turned afraiu, favin?.
' inquiringly, a he anne toward us
Vou would have no objeftiou'i''"
"We sbould be Very arlad to have you go
thrmijrh the house with ns," I answered,
interpreting liis question by his movement.
"A frentloman of your experience could
afford us very valuable siion;etions as to
what a house should be."
The door was opened just then -by a
plainlv-drcssed woman, evidently aBcrvaut,
and a ston was Dut to farther conversation
i and we entered the loosxtoirctl'er. I'attv
hwiked at first surprised, then pleased:
and as we pa-sed through the various
rooms, went into a succession or feminine
I raptures ; and indeed the arnnsrenient At
(he house was almost beyond criticism. It
had evidently Itcen built for the occupancy
of the owner, and the furniture which still
retained ita place, bore au air of alniost
luxurious comfort, while it ' betokened
nothing of pretentions display. We might
journey over the entire city and not find
anything which suited us so admirably.'
44 What was the rent?" I asked the woman
who had acted as our guide.
She could not tell us she said, but she
thought the card on the fence (which it
seemed we had not noticed) said $f()0.
"Can you tell us where to find the gen
tleman who owns the house I asked.
"indeed I can't, sir. I never saw him
in all my life. I wit engaged by the agent
to stay here till the house was rented, and
to take care of the furniture. I often do
such work for Mr. Wilson, sir. I've known
him this many years. .
"How very verdant in me to be sure,"
I thought. For there wits the name in full
at the head of the collection of the slip
which contained our advertisement
44 Henry E. Wilson. Keal-estate Agent,
4!) Third street." There being nothing
more that could be done, after Patt v had
exhausted all her usual stock of adjectives
and was beginning to draw upon her n--
serves, we thanked the woman and with
drew.
Our unknown friend had been a rather
quiet spectator of our inspection, and
evinced only a casual interest in our in
vestigations at No. V.h. But 1 had no
ticed that he smiled in a way that seemed
to indicate gratification at the praises of
my wife for the various features of tin;
house.
As we approached the next cross sfmt, I
saw bv the familiar name that it would lead
us back to our portion of the city.
4 We must leave you here," said I,
"but let me thank you for vour kindness
in directing Us. Though f have not the
pleasure of knowing your name, 1 shall
be glad to repay the obligation sonic future
daw"
44 Don't ever speak of it," he replied:
but do you think the house would suit
y"'
oh, yes indeed," nroKein t atty, quire
awakened from her timidity. 44 But then
four hundred dollars "
Seems like a great deal of nionev."
said he, finishing Patty's sentence. "My
dear sir (to me), I really think I am in a
position to serve yon. Let me give you
mv card "
He put his hand into the left breast
pocket, of his coat, and drawing forth a
numlicr of letters, can-fully selected a neat
bit of pas:cboard which he handed with a
bow to my wife. I could hardly repress
my astonishment as we both read, printed
in legible letters, "l!oleit II. Cresap, No.
197 Chester street."
" So vou are the owner of the cottage !"
I exclaimed.
Yes," he answered ; " I am the owner
of the cottage. 1 told you only a liitle
while ago that I had no home, and yet I
have Iwi'ii very happy there. I almost felt
as though the sight of the dear familiar
walls and the many associations they
brought up again in my mind, would lie
more than 1 could bear. Perhaps you no
ticed my silence?"
I only bowed assenUnglyand he went on.
"Happiness such as ours was too deep to
liLt and it seems years since I came from
my wife's funeral,"but she hits only been
dead a week last Thursday. My own
health h:is suffered from the cares of busi
ness and the hours I spent at her bed-side,
and my physicians have told nic that a sea
vovage is absolutely essential. I shall
start for Europe on Saturday next. But
you will pardon ine for intruding these
sad details upon strangers," aim iUr. t;re
sap turned to walk awav.
"I presume I can see Mr. Wilson aliout
the house?" I inquired, feeling that any
further allusion to his grief would only
harrow up his feelings.
Certainly, lie will make all arrangi4
meuts with you, if yon should desire to
take it. But I am fearful that it has liecn
already rented. Mr. Wilson spoke to me
of several applicants who had inquired re
garding the cottage. It will do no good to
call upon him to-morrow, m case uiy one
has engaged it.
"Our chances arc very slight, I'm
afraid." said I.
"I think we can arrange it." answered
Mr. Cresip. 44 Notwithstanding the prop
erty is in Mr. V llsou s hands, il I should
make a bargain, he would be obliged to
abide by it. wouldn't be?"
"I should think so," I answered, smiling
at his earnestness.
" Very well. Then I will give you a
receipt for a small sum of money say
twenty-five or fifty dollars, stating that it
is to be applied to the rent of the cottage.
You can present this in the morning to
Mr. Wilson, and tell him that I w ish him
to make out the lease. As for the terms,
if three hundred and fifty dollars is not too
much, the cottage is at vour service."
44 And the furniture?" asked Patty.
44 Oh. that can be decided afterward."
Could anything be better than that?
Under ordinary circumstances, a request
for fifty dollars would have loeu as likely
to be honored as a draft for fifty thousand.
But as good luck would have it that very
afternoon I had drawn fifty dollars to meet
some bills already due.
44 We will acept your proposition with
thanks," said I, "and you shall find us the
most careful of tenants."
Mr. Cresap took the card which Patty
was still holding, and having inq uired very
particularly as to the spelling of my name,
which I had already given him, he wrote
in a dear, bold hand (I have the eanl lying
on my desk now) a terse business-like re
ceipt which ran as follows :
Reeeive.1 of Hush U. Kl:on, lilly dollars, on
rent of 1!I7 Chester street.
( Rohiit H. ' iiesap.
March 17th, 1ST. .'...
For this document 1 hurriedly exchanged
mv littv dollars (two twenties and a ten)
lest Mr. Cresap should repent him his
generous action, aud after thanking him
for his advice not to fail to 41 call on Mr.
Wilson to-morrow,'' we bade him good
afternoon and started homeward.
As mav well be imagined. Pattv and
hardly w:aited till Mr. Cresap had gone be
yond ear-shot, belore we began to exchange
i-otitrratulations.
44 Only to think of our having been so
delightfully fortunate," cried Patty. " To
think of our meeting Mr. Cresap so near
his own house :
44 And the rent so exceedingly reasona
ble." I continued. " But I do not wonder
that he is pained to see strangers step in
and occupy a place made so dear to him
hv memories of the past."
""But what shall we do if Mr. Wilson
refuses to confirm the bargain ?" queried
practical Pattv.
"Go to the" St. Eustace and state the
case to Mr. Cresap. There is plenty of time
to have the matter satisfactorily settled lie
fore he starts for Europe. If it were not
already alter business hours, I should be
tempted to call upon Mr. Wilson at
once."
there were two very tired and very
hungry people who sat down to Patty's
tea-table that evening. But, revived by
the cheering influence' "of an appetizing
meal, our spirits rose with our good
fortune, and we fought again with re
Milan
MILAN, GIBSON COUNTV,
newed vigor the battles of the afternoon.
The Ermitiy Adrrrtiier had lot its wonted
attractiveness and was received as one
whose mission is fully accomplished
though I dozed mechanically through its
columns While Patty went over to our
nearest neighbors 44 just for a minute," to
inform her of our good fortune. Before
she returned Patty's mother came in,
and the story of the hew house was re
hearsed with variations and embellish
ments, myself as narrator and Patty as
chorus.
I'm so glad I haven't made my spring
calls," said Patty, after the subject had
In-en pretty thoroughly canvassed it
will be so charming to have my visiting
card.4; marked 4 19? Chester street t' It s
such a select neighborhood. Aliil tllctl
won't Mrs. Burnet lie mortified when she
finds us so delightfully situated? Shcil
not preach the advantages of a good neigh
borhood to ine again, when she 'comes in
informally,' as she says "
(Mrs: Burnet, it mav be remarked, v.a
the wile of our chief clerk, and its she
lived on a better street thau ours, she had
always taken occasion to patronize Patty,
and make delicate little allusions to our
undesirable neighborhood, which were
as truly feminine as they were aggravat
ing.) ".Still, Patty," said I, "it will lie hardly
fair to take undue advantage of our neigh
bors, simply because we have -been more
fortunate than they. I presume our new
friend is congratulating himself jnst ns
heartily as wt'ilo, upon having been lucky
enough to bit upon such people, as. we
wenC (So he was, as I discovered after
ward.) But after all, I think we owe part
of our good fortune to my promptness in
clinching the bargain while Mr. Cresap
was so favorably impressed."
Before we went to sleep that night we
had arranged all our household goods to
our taste, and taken the most solid and un
alloyed satisfaction in the prospective envy
of our old neighbors who should come to
visit us at No. H'7 Chester street. I wiy
44 unalloyed satisfaction," and yet candor
comxis me to acknowledge that Patty and
I quarreled just once over the arrangts
inent of the carpets in the new house, and
that I was once compelled to rebuke the
extravagance which she manifested in
voting appropriations for new furniture.
Indeed, I remarked to her. that a man who
had! only thirteen hundred dollars a year
could hardly afford, with prudence, to in
vest seven hundred of that amount (adding
together estimates) hi household adorn
ments and appendages;
I went do4.vn to Mr ilson's office the
next morning at an early hour, and found
that gentleman had just come im He was
a portly, ruddy-faced man, with a blunt,
disagreeable manner of speaking.
44 1 have stepped in to speak to you about
the property to let at No. l'.7 Chester
street," I began.
44 Bcnted yesterday, sir," was tlie reply.
"Ah I I presume you may have made
some partial arrangement to that effect,"
said I, with some dignity ; 44 but this eanl
from the owner, Mr. Cresap, will explain
matters," and I laid my receipt on tlie
counter, adding, 44 it is Mr. Cresap's par
ticular desire that I shall have his hon.se.
and he will call and instruct you about the
lease."
44 When, sir, did Mr. Cresap give you
this?"
44 Yesterday afternoon, just alter leaving
his house; he was good enough to go
through it with my wife and myself."
44 Mr. Cresap is" not in tow n, sir. and
has not been for several days. He and
his wife are visiting tbeirniatives in Yine
land." "
"Hi w,rc'".t gasjx'd; "he told ine
yesterday that his wife was dead."
" Then she is certainly doing her friends
a great injustice, for she is the most deceit
ful looking corpse I ever saw-."
I was too much horrified at the man's
irreverence to reply to this speech, but I
remonstrated :
"How do you account for this gentle
man's having Mr. Cresap's card ? "
44 Picked it up, no doubt, on a table or
on the lloor while he was prying about in
the house."
"But lie spoke of going to Europe next
week, and the advertisement -"
I did not finish the sentence, for 1 remem
bered just then that I had read him the
advertisement myself. I was beginning to
feel slightly umcomfortable, for I saw that
Mr. Wilson hail already begun to eye ine
suspiciously.
"Mr. Cresap, the real owner of the house,
will fie at my olliee to-morrow afternoon,
and if you desire, you can call then and
see him. But I can tejlyou now," continued
Wilson, "that vou ve been egregiously
swindled ; in fact you've made a great fool
of yourself, young man."
It was not to be expected that anyone
would sit in an olliee and hear his business
talent underrated, and 1 withdrew. But I
called the next afternoon and found a
kindly old gentleman of fifty, whose court
ly niiinners and polite sympathy made me
Half forget my own verdancy, and wish
that I had been fortunate enough to get
possession of his cottage. It took three
days to make Patty comprehend that we
could not hold our" evening receptions at
No. 1U7 Chester street, and to the present
moment she lielieves that my money was
refunded by "Mr. Cresap." But in my pri
vate cash-book is an entry that reads :
"it'chli. Spanish L-astv, ski."
Locke's Monthly.
Extermination of Rats.
Hon. M. L. Dunlap, in the Chicago Tri
bune, says : The common Norway rat
will not trouble corn-cribs that are set
well up from the ground and kept clear
from underlying rubbish, for he burrows
in the ground and never makes his nest
in the corn. Or, if a colony should locate
near it. a few minutes' work with a spade
will dispose of them ; or, by watching the
burrows and shooting a few ttf them, they
will leave the premises.
I he rat is a troublesome customer to the
shiftless farmer, for he delights to hide
and burrow under his old rubbish heaps
and badly-constructed stable-floors; but
he avoids all places where he is exposed to
the spade or the shot-gun. Any one can
have rats if he wishes, for a pile of old
boards, barrels, or a heap of stone, w ill
invite them to vou. 1 once thought a
good ratter necessary in order to be rid of
them ; but experience proved that to be a
folly. A good, clean, shiirp spade, and
clean premises are worth more than a doz
en ot the best nit-terners in the country.
I have seen the time when I would not
have parted with a good rat-terrier for fif
ty dollars, for I supposed them to be the
charm that kept the rats off the farm;
but since 1 have learned a cheaper method.
I would not take the best dog as a gift
much preferring to give the waste of the
kitchen to the chickens, for in that there
lies one of the secrets of a supply of
Rats infest corn in the shock, for they
make their burrows underneath them. A
rail-crib is also a good place for them, as
they are sale Irom both dogs ana spades.
Tl ..r..l . ,n ntw...e , r-...HlA'
xne uru tu dimuai 1 1 n: a iv 1 1 L m siaui
but I made the floors of solid clay, well
rammed down, upon which the plank
was laid, and no rat gets under this plank
ing. .The urine tends to preservj the
plank, and, after eight years' use, they
have not been repriced, aiid look as though
they would last several years longer,
There is not a rat about the stable, nor
any rat-dog to worry lam it there was.
Then the hog-pen is up two feet from the
ground, which has spoiled all their hiding
places, aud we are rid of them. f?o mud
for rats, in which an ounce of prevention
is better than a pound of cure.
St. Paul's Episcopal Church is one of
the very prettiest of its kind in a town in
the West. The rectory formerly had a
large and imposing door-plate inscribed
44 .St. Paul's Parsonage." One day a wag
gish friend of the rector rang the bell
liercelv.and asked If bt.faul were at home,
The rector enjoyed the joke, but called for
a screw-anver immediately, ana tne aoor-
plate has since been nussmg-.
Exchange
TENNESSEE, MAV
A Bankrupt Tarty.
RV OEOItGK 8. MEKRIAM.
. That In the folate elections of l:t-t full the
PcLiiblican majorities everywhere fell off
or became minorities ; Unit in Massachu
setts the party's candidate for fovernor
ldst fifty thousand votes In comparison
with the year before; that New Hamp
shire and Connecticut have this year been
carriod by the Opposition these facts in
dicate, in that hnigtinee which the ordi
nary politician best understatidst that the
party's ascendancy in the nation is serious
ly threatened. But back of these tacts lie
others, in reality of deeper significance,
and pointing to a broader conclusion that
the Republican party is fitst approaching
Its Aiiai end. Its external defecU are bur
the fruits and tokens (if a" radical Internal
trouble the loss of all that constitutes
healthy party vitality. It is like a man
doing business on credit, and wholly with
out capital ; there is no reserve from which
to rccup'-''te mid disasters are the signal
of utter downfall.
The Republican party has identified it
self wifh but one great political idea. That
idea has been urged victoriously through
successive phases, has become inwrought
with the organic life of the nation, ami
with its disappearance from the field ol
dispute passinl away the real raison d'etre
of the party. It began in opposition to the
extension of slavery in the territories; win
ning on this issue in the election of 1 Si ill.
tlie Mouth revolted, and the party became
tie especial chaiilp'lcii of l'atloi:H.l unity;
tlie war led to emancipation, . which was
carried to completion by the Republicans;
with the end ot the war came reconstruc
tion, w hich was wrought bv the Republi
cans under the guiding purpose of secur
ing tlie ireeiiuieii in iiieir renins. i unci
these four phitses opposition to slavery in
the territories, the war for the I'nion,
emancipation, reconstruction the Repub
lican party successfully maintained the
principle of Race-Equality. While these
struggles lasted It had always a great end
before it. a great prihciple for which it
stood. Its policy was sometimes faulty,
sometimes unpopular; but it w-.s intelli
gible, it tended always to definite and
broad results. In those days Republican
ism meant freedom. Since freedom w:is
secured, what hits it meant? What princi
ple, what sentiment, what idea, has Re
publicanism represented since the recon
struction contest was over." Absolutely
none. It has lieen held together iiy me
foree of habit, bv lingering apprehension
about the old questions, and by a strong
organization. But since the ratification ot
tlie last amendment the Republican party
hits been absolutely Without demure prin
ciples or policy upon live subjects.
The most Important questions which
sueeeedud those of the war and reconstruc
tion were, connected with finance and the
material interests of the nation. The Re
publican party has never had a financial
policy, the hecrctary oi tne i reasury,
whoever he might be, has had notions of
bis own, more or less crude, which he has
tried to put into effect. But the party in
Congress has not been united'even upon
the most elementary principles of finance:
when the worst and most disgraceful ol
financial evils, repudiation, threatened the
country, it was favored by such prominent
Republicans as Morton in the w est ami
Butler in the East. Now that inflation is
impending, although the intelligent senti
ment of the press and the commercial pub
lic is almost solid against it, vet it is car
ried through a Republican Congress and
eccives more than half the Iicputjlican
vote.
Nrjrhfrs the Reppbliciin party had any
consistent principle of action toward tin
suffering Southern Stares. The President
has interfered, and wiiiont rebuke, to up
hold a faction in Louisiana; while toward
South Carolina, whose troubles were due
to ignorant and corrupt Republicans, the
President and Congress have remained
passive. I'pon the whole, the Adminis
tration and its party have now drifted into
a 44 let alone" attitude toward the South-j
ru communities. Yet this has not been
due to any intelligent purpose of restrain
ing the Federal (iovernment within its
proper sphere : for enormous and reckless
strides have been made toward centraliza
tion when any Immediate object seemed to
call for it ; as, for example, In tile recent
passage by the House of a hill to sutiject
all railway fares to the direct control of a
governmental board.
In a word, while upon many individual
measures the Administration and the ps.r
ty in Congress have acted wisely and well,
tliere has been nothing in the nature of a
principle, a set of ideas, a political creed,
with which the party has identified Itself.
As to political principles, it is a bankrupt.
A party in power may be judged by
another standard than that ol abstract
ideas namely by its administration ol af
fairs. Granted that " Republicanism" has
no longer a definite meaning : it may still
be asked. Are the Republicans managing
the national business well ? It is not neces-
ary to examine minutely the record ol
the last five years, balancing the good
deeds of the Administration against its bad
ones. One great subject of the highest
practical interest now presses absorbingly
upon the public mind. It is not a question
of abstractions or of policies. It is the
simple matter of honesty in public ollicers.
Corruption in government has become an
evil as clearly marked, and we perhaps may
say as formidable, as shivery once was. it
is "the fruitful parent of all other mischiefs
of bad legislation and private immorali
ty. Not only national projicrity and na
tional honor, but the happiness and the
virtue of the whole body of the people,
are closely concerned. Now, what is the
icttial position in tins matter ot the men
who bv Republican votes have been given
the control of our Government? To face
that question is a sad and humiliating
thing. The shames and scandals of which
the last vears have been so prolific have
most of them been within the Republican
party. Philadelphia has had a Kepubhcan
ltinir that rivaled Tweed's exploits in
sliamelessncss if not in magnitude. If the
I 'emocratie party was held responsible tor
Tweed's offenses, no less must the Repub
lican party bear the shame of the plunder
ing ot South Carolina. 1 ne cretin .wool
lier, the 44 salary grab." the Sanborn
frauds, all the wretched sacrifices ot pub
lic virtue, whose record makes the cheeks
of Americans burn, have been shared in by
leading Republicans. Party conventions
have passed resolutions of virtuous severi
ty, but most of the offenders have retain"d
their full party standing. The man who
to-day best represents the cratty. unscru
pulous, stiamcicss element, tu ponuc- mus
in Cmiin-..ci oi a Ileniihlican memlxT from
.Massachusetts, and dictates r.xecuuve iq-
nointments. Th" President still retain
among fair-minded men. his reputation for
persouai integrity, out n mi mm . ;14
goes a delect that almost neurranzes us
practical advantages. General Grant has
repeatedly shown himself incompetent to
select capable or even honest advisers.
'I'U.. 1 C..A i..lF iiiaaii flirt..,)
Aiie cuiiYlCLlon uasiuicru "i'""
who long held to their belief m him, that
his natural affinity is rather for men of a
low order. The Qualities which ffive men
iutluence with him are not those that make
good or safe counsellors. We believe that
the President sincerely desires his govern
ment to be pure. But the important mat
ter for the country is. that he does not
know how to make it pure. His biograph
er will rightly call him an honest man ;
but the historian must record, that in the
struggle between honesty and corruption
in the government, his weight was not
given on the side of honesty.
The organization of the Republican
party is controlled by men who are not in
sympathy with the reform spirit. There
is no prospect that it will pass into better
control It is chiefly managed and led by
men whose motive is a low selfishness.
Most of those who are not dishonest
are too anxious for the sup
port of rocnies to beiir very hard on
roguery. The party has outlived the is
sues that gave it birth : it has wholly tailed
to meet tlie new issues ; it hits betrayed the
country on a financial question of unpar
7, 1S7L
alleled Importance : its organisation hits
lieeome a mere m'id.'lr;? for keeping a
poor set of men in power. hT ?oii?d
the peoj'le continue to maintain tlie party :
Without trying to forecast the future,
some things sMtn floras to present duty.
The Republican organization h:t no right
ful Claim on the men who want to see t'lis
country well governed. It hits earned the
sentence pronounced against the Church in
Sanlis: "I know thy works, that thou
hast ji n.ime that tliott livest, and nrt
dend !" The soul of the party has fled,
with tlie Idei'S that once inspired it. ,. The
lifeless body ciiiniH'is the ground. When
ever an officer is to be elected", whether
Senator, alderman, or village "selectman,"
let men who are like-minded come togeth
er irresective of old associations, and se
laet titose who will carry out their com
mon ide.-ts. This is f he "only way to prac
tically reach the matter; it is not ou)y
that the old organizations itre ftselcss;
they have become hurtful ; the Republi
can party.with its- organization, its disci
pline, its funds and its subservience to low
politicians, is a positive barrier to reform.
Let it go ! And unti! a lvettcr parry arises,
let us take the trouble to deal with each
election as it comes, by combining as the
occasion may require to choose the man
who is f!t for tbe place. Christian Union.
Au Awful Rcatii.
A MAX DEI.IHKRATEI.Y TU XCES INTO A
IKON Fl'R.NACE WHILE AT WHITE HEAT.
The Hcr.ni ton (Pa.) Republican of the
ISth Sitys : . Shrrtly before I o'clock yester
day morning tlie men wokhig on the
night shift at the blast furnace: of the
Lackawanna Iron and Coal Company were
horrified by one of the most shocking
etses of self-destruction that have ever oc
curred in this city. The victim of the sui
cide Wits a strange young man named
Theodore Marone.'who, while the work
men of No. 5 furnace were enjoying a
short respite from their labors, took ad
vantage of their temporary absence and
plunged into the reethlng furnace, which
itt the time was at a white henf. His cries
attracted the attention of one of the work
men naiiied llilffr. who. together with his
companions, ran to the furnace and looketf
down only to see the unfortunate Marone
gyrating amid the liquid fire, and waving
his haul and feet in the most intense
agony. A long-handled shovel was lower
ed tohini, but he was unconscious of its
presence. One of the men ran immediate
ly anil stopped the hlitsf, but human aid
was of no avail to save the unfortunate
man In the furnace and he wat dragged up
as qttickly as possible by a large hook, a
charred, disfigured allil unrecognizable
mass. He could not have bceh in the fur
nace above a few minutes, as his first shrill
cry was heard by the workmen who hast
ened to his assistance, but the intense heat
of the place was sufficient to destroy life if
he had not been there more thau a second.
He wits conveyed to Mr. Raub's itndertak
iug establishment, wh"re si laYi'e box had
to lie constructed to inclose first remains.
His knees and elbows were contracted
and so rigid that it was impossible to
straighten them. He was interred at lun
ino re Cemetery yesterday afternoon. The
sequel of the suicide goes to show that the
rash act was premeditated. Theodore
Marone was a native of Pomarn, Ea-t
Prussia, where his lilt her occupied a splen
did position, as professor in one of the
gymnasiums or schools of the place, in
which Theodore was also employed as a
teacher. He was subsequently engaged in
lite war that occurred in lietwi-cn
Prussia and Austria, ami emigrated to this
country about lour years ago. He was
then twenty-five yean of age being
twenty-nine' at his death alid might have
done well but for the (H.-soliite habits
which liesct him and reduced him to a
tafe of abject misery. He foltnd Work in
tlie employ of the Oxford Iron Company
its a eoiniii.iii laborer, and often at his daily
toil, when comparing his position with
what he was at home, he wept in presence
of his fellow-workmen, among whom was
ii man named Ncaiie, at present in this
city. These fits of despondency had a ter
ribleetl'eet upon him, and his friciul feared
he would lose his reason while siillcring
from one of them. He came to Scranton
on Tuesday lant, and found shelter at the
Center street lock-up. While tliere he at
tempted to take his life by heating a poker
red-hot in the stove ami placing it to his
neck to destroy the carotid artery, when
he was detected" bv one of the officers. He
lay around the blast-furnace during the
evening prior to his destruction in conse
quence of some men being at work there
with whom lie wits acquainted at the ox
ford Iron mines.
Farm Rose.
Among the adjuncts of the farm w hich
reuuire attention at this season of the year.
the llower garden should by no means be
forgotten. The dreary notion that a farm
is to raise something to eat or to sell, and
nothing to enjoy, has nearly died out, and
many a farmer s garden, in its small way,
is as "worthy of admiration in these days its
was the garden of the city merchant or the
mere floral amateur of days gone by.
Among the (lowers that always give idea
sure, there is nothing like the rose. Other
things come into litshion only to be re
placed in it few years by some new favor
ite ; but for two or perhaps three thousand
years the rose hits commanded the world s
admiration, and will no doubt to the end of
time.
The old roses known as the Hundred
leaved, the Maiden's Blush. Provence rost-s
of various kinds, and the old-l'tshioned
things known its garden roses, are still
good enough to be generally grown ; and
not the lea.st of their advantages is that
they will bike care of themselves without
much trouble from the gardener. Still
there are among the new improvements
among these good old kinds, that are well
worth growing by those who can obtain
them.
What are called by florists hybrid per
petual roses are of this clitss. They are
called perpetual only by comparison with
the common summer-biooming kinds. The
Hundred-leaved, the Cabbage, and others
like this only bloom once, in June; but
these hybrid lwrpetuals (marked II. P. in
the Rose Catalogue) bloom again more or
less in the fall, but never as freely as in tlie
early summer time. They bloom, how
ever, more .wly when the first crop of
flowers are cut off, soon after expansion.
If the seeds are suffered to mature, it in
terferes with tlie production of fall flow
ers. This clitss of roses . is very nearly
as, hardv as that of the common garden
roses. In very severe winters they get the
tops of the young branches nipied. That
is all.
The real perpetual blooming roses are
those known to florists as daily roses.
These are technically known as Bourbons,
Teas. Chinas, and Noisettes. When they
once flower they keep on continuously till
fro.-t comes, and the.-e also the more they
are cut the better they bloom. They are a
little tender in severe winters, and in some
localities will not live out without some
protection. But thev are as well worth
this protection as Dahlias, or other things
which all know must be taken care of.
The best way to fcike care of these roses
seems to be to partially bury them in earth.
As soon its the frosts "of autumn come dig
the roses, and take the green leaves and
sappy branches off. Then lay the plants
slanting on a dry piece of ground, and
cover roots and branches with the earth.
In spring take out and replant. It is not
much trouble; and in tins way even the
tenderest roses mav be grown in any farm
er's garden as well as if he had a regular
greenhouse in w hich to keep them during
the winter season. Forney's Press.
The n umber Df hares and rabbits pro
duced annually in Great Britain is said
to be 30,000.000, supplying -10.000 tons of
food.
Mrs. Haypes, of Sharon. Vt., has a
peouy which she hits watched blossom for
seventy consecutive years.
NTMHER 10.
A Book Agent's EtpcrifnCe.
Book agents have sometimes queer ex
periences in their travels. A yonnjr friend
of ours fcM'-s with great gusto the fal
lowing incident .'
Calling one Saturday at inmse in a
small country town in New Hampshire, he
began nt once to set forth the good quali
ties of hi wares, and. after the manner of
his tribe. sWrt wed warm in his subject.
The good housewife, Tfrpi'ig Nt hands on
her.tpron. set a ehaif fof hiw, and hoping
lie would 'exctrse h r Iixik and her
house, tot", !in' 'twas bakin' day. she
hadn't got things srt o rights," was soon
deeply interested in his booll. The agent
talked on. His sharp eyes took in at a
glance t!;e pppotntim-nts of the old-fasli-ioned
kitchen. Ills mental comment was
something after this fitsfiion :
44 'Tisn't over and above nice, that's a
fact. Floor is dirty as a pig-'en. But
she'll wash it up. maybe. There's an ap
petizing odor of brown broad and Indian
pudding. Bilked beans, real couutry baked
beans too. I'm tired to death. There's
no no:!4 ttoaT. ' Guess I'll stay here and
rest over Sundtr, I can sfcmd the dirt one
dav."
just here his attention was cnlled to a
small b!a k-and-tan dog that seemed to be
frantically jumping in and out of the stove
oven. Being somewhat cfrioTts to observe
the dog more closely, he moved his chair
s-mt-nd where he could do so. and beheld
just inside be open oren door a pot of
beans steaming hot, d emitting the savor-
smell which it seemed be was not
alone in appreciating. At every jump into
the oven the little black-and-tan would
catch a mouthful of the beans, drop them
on the floor until they were cool, then de
vour them, ami spring into the ov n for
more. Tlie poor dog was evidently half
starved, and the book agent kept on "talk
ing irp" his wares and telling no tales.
This went on for some time, tlie good
woman being entirely unconscious of the
havoc made with her Sunday morning
breakfast. At hist the dog. giving two or
three convulsive jumps into the pot,
brought out a huge piece of boiling hot
pork upon the lloor. The young man
could stand it no longer, but burst into a
loud laifgh. which with the yelping of the
dog. who had sadly burned his mouth,
called the woman's "t tent Ion to tlie state
of hor bean-pot.
Rising hitsfily. she gave the poor little
black-ami-tan a "kick that sent him howling
through the doorway ; and then she ex
claimed "That ere plaguey dog is the torment
of my life bakin' days, for he knows ben tin
just as well as folks do, by the smell of
'em !"
The voimgrtgenf blushed, conscious that
he was" hit 'but he "blushed unseen" by
his irate hostess, ho. stooping down,
coolly picked np the pork, adding
"lie thinks he's folks, that pesky dog
does! I'll lani him lietter manners ! This
is the thinl time he's pulled out that 'ere
pork on to the lloor this very afternoon !
But lie's as neat a critter as ever run on
four legs. I reckon 'taint hurt any."
Back" again into tlie bean-pot went that
unfortmufte bit of pork, and the hook agent
went his way, concluding he would not
stop over Sunday, and meditating on
"ways that are dark and tricks tbiir are
vain." Youth's Companion.
Funeral Reforms.
A stronghold ot the advocates ol change
ill the burial cutol:i s the great expense
and the distasteful publicity accompanying
funerals, especially among that clifs who
can least all'ord if. All are familiar with
the long line of carriages of the laboring
man's funeral ami the quizzical demeanor
of relatives, for whom bereavement and
the luxnryof a ride are associated in a
milliner ludicrous to the public, however
sad to the subject. f course, it is nor for
us to sav that' the indulgence is not 44 satis
fying " ro the full amooiit of money, but
we doubt not that equal satisfaction would
be obtained from a more rational method.
The French, who certainly excel all other
moderns in the knowledge of how to r
forni disagreeable and delicate otliees t iti
fully. walk to the grave. Apropos of this
subject we find in the London AVw-.t the
cards of two reformatory associations,
which read as follows :
ITNKHAI. MV.y I!M. 'l UK l.oVUoN N K
t l! !ul,ls iii.MTANY conducts t'linenila
with Bi(tiiliritT ami grnt ti-onomy. rrst-ctii9
free hief 'l!ie-s( 1 J.anruutlvr place, htrunil,
W. C.
rpiIK KKKOKMKII H MH I,S Ui.Ml'ANY
1 (I.iinitnl; was i-stalilislieil ill Is7', in con
formity with common kw, kckhI taste mill icon
omy. Oflicrs, l.i I.miithani plnce, lii-fti lit street,
W. Itiok, scale ol ch:tra-8, on ai-plication.
Should be consulted whenever a luneral U antici
pated. The "Cremation Society" has its adver
tisement, or rather its call, in the London
Atheturum, simply saying that 44 we, the
undersigned, disapprove of the present
custom of burying, and adopt cremation
until some better substitute is proposed.
The New York society has applied to the
Legislature for a charter. Au actual case
of cremation was reported very circum
stantially from Philadelphia, as having
taken place hist Friday, but it is now as
serted to be a hoax. The re uly assent of
the Bishop of Manchester to cremation as
involving no damage to the dogma of the
resurrection of the body will quiet the
scruples of those who were troubled on
that point. A committee is investigating
the feasibility of cremation in Vienna.
Tlie era of ridicule has come in this
44 cause " early, and a great deal of coarse
wit and caricature tire lieing expended
upon it. It is hardly a proper field, how
ever, for sweet and healthful humor.
Springfield Republican.
A Wicked Sell.
A very wicked sell was perpetrated on
the good people of Dubuque on Monday
night. It seems that a cute, sleek chap
arrived in that city a few days liefore. gave
out tbiit he was the brother of Mark
Twain, and advertised a lecture to be de
livered on Monday evening by that great
humorist. Bills and advertisement were
printed, tickets left on sale at the book
and drug stores, and everything passed
along very much m the usual waj.
"Young Clemens became quite a lion,
ran no bills at various places, ami or
:tHi nersons invested their regular seventy-
.... ( . -
five cents apicc m me lecture, aim umy a-s-scmhled
to hear it. Of course the lecturer
was nther dilatory in making his appear
ance, and presently there was the usual
stamping and calling to bring him out.
I'.ut he didn't come. Theaudience waited
till long after the time at which Mark
should have been telling his frog story
when it finally penetrated somebody's
cr minm that tliere might lie a "sell" in
the case. Investigation developed the
fact that "Mark Twain's brother" wits no
where to be found ! He had taken the
mnnvv for the last person who had en-
term 1 "the lecture-room and then "crossed
over to the other side of Jordan." Laml
ing at Dunleith, he took a freight train for
thS F.asf. Rut the iollv Dubuouers well.
thev were iust the most incensed set of
people whoeverfretted and chafed because
the inrisdictioii of their Dogberrys didn't
errend into a neighboring Suite ! Two or
three of the humbugged, however, started
in nnrsnir of "Young Clemens," whom
they finally overhauled ami arrested. Af
ter a "Teat Ueat OI uipiouiiicy, uc inmuj
consented to go back to the city. He was
o-narded over night, and the next day ar
raigned before one of the 'squires. After
a somewhat minute investigation, the
'squire is reported to have released hun,
on the ground that "the State" failed to
3how that he was wA Mark Twain's broth
er : After this sage decision the city re
sumed its equanimity, and the Jeremy
DiddJer wen' on his way rejoicing. Chi-
eaijo Inter-Ocean.
Onb-ualp of the world does not know
how the other half lives. There are peo
ple in Danbury to-day who have not a
sheet of monogram paper to their name.
PUS (a EN T PARAGRAPHS.
"A new bustle, highly approved. U
made of cork." Jennie Jtne. Conceive the
unfortunate situation of that hustled wo
man if she should tali into the water. Cin
cinnati Times.
The deadliest thing that lias len done
lately by the 44 intelligent compositor" w;ts
his attempt to give lucidity to a lecture de
livered in Philadelphia- by Prof. Smith.
The Professor, in his discourse, urged that
44 Filtration is sometimes assisted by the
use of albumen;" but the compositor got
the remark into shape in this ruinous fash
ion : 44 Flirtation is sometimes arrested by
the use of aldermen." A figure hearing a
slngnlarly close resembliuice to IWessor
Smith has been hovering around that
newspsuHT office at night lately with a
solemn looking shot-gun ; but the com
positor hits gone West in search of fresh
victims. Max AJeler.
Tmh other night a weak-eyed youth w
sitting in Ames' Church, wholly f.Hrgetriil
of his surroundings, and lost in Nutitic
contemplation ot a certain young woman,
touching whom he cherished violent .le
sions, when suddenly a hand was laid upn
his shoulder, anil a deep contralto voice
thundered In his car: "Young man you
look as though vou wanted to go to .lesus !
Won't you come to .Jesus?" Whereupon
he was struck all of a heap, as it
were, and stammered : 44 1 would I want
that Is I should like to go. you know,
but rot this evening, thank you ; 1 have ait
engagement." Aud then he lapsed into a
stale of mild imliecility, from which it was
plainly impossible to arouse him. ev
Orleans Picayune.
A tt ii-WisowN idiot. James Fraser, he
loti"in" to the parish of Lutian. in Forfar
shire, 'Scotland, quite surprised people
sometimes by his replies, i he congrega
tion ot his parish church had lor some time
distressed their minister by their habit ot
sleeping in church. He had often endeav
ored to impress them with a sense of the
impropriety of such conduct : and one day,
when Jamie was sitting in the front gallery,
wide awake while many were slumbering
round him. the clergyman endeavored to
awaken the attention of his hearers by
stating the fact, saying, " Vou see even
Jamie Fraser. the idiot, does not tall
asleep, as so many of you are doing.
Jamie, not liking perhaps to be thusdesig
nared, coolly replied, "An I hadnabecnan
idiot I wad ha' oeen sleepin' too."
Love, Despair, Suicide.
A sad story tf love, despair, and death,
comes to us from San Francisco. A young
artist named William Fretlericksen, who
arriv. d in that city a few months ago. and
w ho had not been able to make his cur
rent expenses during his stay tliere. re
ceived the stun of $i)u for painting a por
trait. ' n receiving the money he invited
two friends to accompany him on a drive
to the Cliff House. Arrived at the hotel.
Fretlericksen onlereil a splendid lunch, ?
w hich, with a few bottle of "green seal."
himself anil companions did ample just
ice. The lunch and wine being disiosed
of, Fredericksen proposed u stroll on tho
licach. As thev walked along he said:
" I have left a package at the drug store
on Taylor street, ami it anything should
happen to me. I want it destroyed." His
companions laughed at the idea of any-thin"-
happening to him. Hut they soon
found that his wild bilk, as it si-emed to
them, was no joke, but a grim reality;
for no sooner had theyn-iicli.il the beach
than he suddenly turned toward the sea,
tore ojien his vest, and drawing a pistol
from his pocket, placed the muzzle
ai'ainst his breast and drew the trigger.
The suicide fell and in a few seconds ex
pired. Subserineiit investigation brought
out the facts of the case. The deceased
formerly resided in Indianapolis; and
while there, made the acquaintance of a
young ladv whose parents hail long held
a high position in society. The young
people fell desperately in love and wished
to marry, but obstacles were thrown in
their wav. With the fatal blindness ot
passion "they gave their affection unre
strained swav, and in December she told
her lover that it must soon In-come ap
parent, how complete her devotion to him
had M-cii. Fearing the wrath of the girl's
father. Fredericksen lett Indianapolis and
went to San Francisco. The young man
liojird continually from his promised wile.
She had been obliged to confess her fault,
and nothing but her assurance that her
lov.-r would send for her shortly prevent
ed her parents from sending her adritt.
Meanw hile 1- redericksen srruggieii agam.-i
nlverse circumstances, but his troubles so
weighed on his muni mat u ga-
he became a suicide.
Puddle Your Own Canoe.
fudge S. gave his son SLOW, and toM
him to 'oto college and graduate. Hit;
on returned at the end ot the freshman
year w ithout a dollar, ami won several
ulv habits. AtxMit the close ol me vaca
tion the judge said to his son :
4 Well. William. are you going to college
this vear?"
44 Have no money, father.
44 But I gave you $ 1.000 to graduate on."
44 That's ail gone, lather."
44 Very well, my son ; I gave you all I
could afford to give you ; you can t stay
here ; vou must now pay your way in the
world."
A new light broke in upon the vision ot
the young man. He accommodated him
self to the situation, he h it home, mane
his wav through the college, and gradu
ated at the head of his class, shidiod law.
la-came Governor of the State ot New 1 ork,
entered the cabinet of the President ot the
I'nitod States, and made a record tor him
self that will not soon die, being none oth
er than William II. .Seward.
Fruit and Health.
Dr. Hunt said at a recent meeting of the
Warsiiw Horticultural Society, that "an
ihsence of fruits implied doctors' lulls."
We have urged for many years the im
portance of a regular supply of rije fruit
to prevent disease, and insisted that the
best medicine-chest which an emigrating
family could carry to a newly settled coun
try would be a box of early-bearing fruit
trees, currants, goosoberrv"and raspberry
bushes, and strawberry plants. We knew
i family who moved West, and took witn
them a very large supply of dried fruit.
which lasted them llirougnoiu tne .nrsu
summer. None of them were sick, al
though disease prevailed all about them
that vear; but the next year, with more
comforts and less privations, but with no
fruit, they suffered much from sickness.
Other Western residents have told us that
so long as they could have ripe fruit, they
have been free from all disease resulting
from malaria. Southern Farmer.
Dental Practice.
We know a young man in this county
who writes "Dr." before his name and 44 M.
D." after it, who, after having to his own
satisfaction mit-ten-d the science of medi
cine and surgery, hits concluded to turn
his attention to practical dentistry. In
order to enable him to pull teeth without
p;un he procured the head of a sheep that
hud lately been slaughtered and repaired
to the brush along the bank of a creek.
When thus secluded, as he supposed, from
prayiivr eyes, he produced his forceps,
gently smoothed the sheep's fiice with Ids
hand, probably to inspire the patient with
confidence, then opened his mouth, laid
firmly hold of a molar with his "tooth
hooks" and pive a surg; that brought out
the tooth, lie then stepped back, wiped
his forceps on the scat of his pants, and
.said in the most soothing tones : 44 Madam,
did it hurt you V A man who was fishing
in the creek, not twenty feet away, didn't
hear what the sheep said. Walla Walln
Union.
Why a Child Love Sugar.
The craving of children for sweets U
well known to be one of the most inqieri
ous of their appetites. It has reference
probably to that ceaseless activity which
characterizes the age of childhood. It
may be that sugar perform in their sys
tems the part enacted bv fatty substances
in the bodies of adults. As it undergoes
oxidation is burned up circulating with
the blood it may be tin; source of the
power which enables them to keep in mo
tion from morning to night. Besides this
it is known tliat it renders easier and
more perfect the digestion of tlie albumi
nous food upon which their growth de
pends. In respect to these offices it is
therefore, nearly essential to their well
being. And yet how strong, for genera
tions, has been tht prejudice against sugar !
Under what difficulties, and in the face ol
what discouragements and protests, have
ur children obtained the luxury !