The Afro-American advance. [volume], March 10, 1900, Image 4

About The Afro-American advance. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1899-19??

Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC

                
m WHO DIDN'T WORRY,
Be S e
‘She was & member of a club
- Whose motto was: “Dor’'t worry!”
And daily to her “loving hub”
She nmu, safd: “Don’t worry!”
“Your hair,” she told her mate oné day,
*ls falling out and getiing gray—
_ How fast ths seasons pass away'—
But never mind—Don’t worry!”
“We haven't much put by,” she sald,
“For rainy days—Don't worry!
The hopes we used to have are dead,
. Our plans are wrecked—Don't worry!
A few years more and you'll be told
To step aside because you're old,
And then some younger man will hold
The place you fill—Don't worry!
“They tax us more from ?-y to day
And year to year—Don't worry!
They'll take our little home away,
And drive us forth—Don't worryl
Your overcoat will never last
Another year—its style is past—
My sealskin, too, is going fast,
But what of that?—Don’'t worryl
“When you are 55 and [
Am 6bo—-there, don’'t worry!
We'll have no hope but just to dle
And be at rest—Don’'t worry!
There's nothing for us on ahead,
No help to be inherited—
We'll have to beg our dally bread,
But néver mind—Don’t worry!"”
Day after day she took his hand
In hers and said: “Don’t worry!”
Bhe kept his woes before him, and
Implored him not to worry!
From dawn till dark she harped away,
* And, worried and worn out, one day,
His spirit, fleelrg, heard her say
Unto his corpse: “Don’t worry!”
«8. E. Kiser, in Chicago Times-Herald,
Mr. Jobson’s Generosity
T NOON the other day Mrs. Job
son received, per messenger boy,
& iarge, fragrant bunch of double vio
lets, with Mr, Jobson's ealling card at
tached thereto, and his affectionate fe
licitations serawled on the back of the
card.
Mrs. Jobson couldn't understand it
She turned the violets upside down
and sideways, and studied them from
all points of view. Then she serutin
fzed the eard as if it were written in
Arabie and the job of translating it
were difficult and slow,
“Violets!"” said she to herself, won
deringly. “And from My, Jobson! Let
me recall how many years it has
been—"
But she couldn’t reeall,
“I wonder if there's anything the
matter?” she mused. “Violets! And
from Mr, Jobson!"
Another messenger boy rang the
bell about three o'clock and handed
Mrs. Jobson a two-pound box of choe
olate creams, nicely done up. Resting
on top of the candies was Mr. Job
son's ealling card, his affectionate fe.
licitations scrawled on the back of the
card.
Mrs, Jobson, flustered by the re
ceipt of the violets, was now complete
ly flabbergasted.
“There’s something wrong; ll'm sure
there i!" she said to herself, eXeited
ly. “It ean't be that he's dr—? No,
that is out of the question! Perhaps,
though, his mind is wandering a little
~he was flighty when he had that re
turn of the grippe in December! What
ean the matter be? If he has become
a little flighty again as the result of
the grippe, maybe his flightiness has
taken the form of ‘the delirlum of
grandeur’ that I was reading about
somewhere not long ago. 1 do wish
that he'd come home, so that I could
put him to bed and put a mustard
plaster on him and send for the doe
tor. Goodness gracious me, there sure.
ly is something wrong!"
Thus Mrs. Jobson worked herself up
to a high piteh of nervousness, Vio
lets and candies from her hushand, all
in one day! 1t was all very delightful
~but It was too delightful, Mps. Job
son had a foreboding of trouble, How
ever, she put on her prettiest tea
gown, pinned the violets thereto and
waited anxiously for Mr. Jobson's fa
miliar step,
Mr, Jobson got home at the usual
hour. He wore an expression of be
nignity as he enfered the vestibule,
where Mrs. Jobson, in saluting him,
found out that he hadn’t drank a drop,
“Why, you dear old extravagant
thing, you!" she said to him, *I never
saw such lovely violets in my life, and
as for those candies, why—"
“Tut, tut, little one,” sald Mr. Job
ton, umiably, “don’t speak of ‘em. Just
happened to think to send 'em up to
you, you know, and they're no more'n
you deserve, at that, 1 tell you what,
if I were a rich man, you'd have every
thing—"
Dut Mrs. Jobson searcely heard what
he said. “Little one!™ she was saying
to herself. “Why, it's been years and
Years since he"
“Have you been speculating in
stocks, my dear?" Mra, Jobson asked
him, timidly,
“Stocks? Who, me? Well, I'd like
to see myself!” said Mr. Jobson, good
naturedly. “No, ma'am; no stocks for
me!"
Mrs. Jobson looked him over care
fully, but he was all right, so far as
she could see. His extraordinary good
nature sat on him as naturally as if
that were his everyday manner. He
stepped out into the hall for a mo
ment, got a package that he had
dropped on the rack in coming in and
opened it
“Happened to remember, ax I was
coming up, that you wanted some
books,” sald Mr. Jobson, in an off
hand way. “Brought you up a few,
Hope you'll like 'em.”
Mrs. Jobson took the books and
looked them over in a dazed kind of
way. They were just the books she
had been wanting for a long while—
all good, substantial editions, too,
She couldn’t refrain from giving him
a hug.
“Why, you generous, silly old
thing!™ she said. “Just the books
that I've been pining for for ages.
Won't you please teil me what it is
all about—what I've done to deserve
all these lovely pre
“Never you mind." said Mr. Jobson,
smiling amiably. “1 only wish 1 were
a 8 rich as some of these pinheads that
dom't kpvow what to do with their
money—if you wouldn't have thumb
rings and automobiles and a couple o'
thousand silk skirts, and—oh, by the
way, that reminds we. Saw a tallor
made dress in a window as I was
walking downtown to-day that I want
you to have. Rign on it says that it's
8 Paris model and that it's been
mwarked down from $55 to s3¢. Don't
whether that's frue or not, but
m!u&r. and I want you to get
your things on after dinner and we'll
go down and have a look at it. It's
made out o' some kind o' black stuff,
with & lot of this here frizzy-wizzy,
spangley stuff splattered all over the
waist and skirt—l dunno if I can give
you any idea of it, but I'll bet a hat
you'll like it. We can look it over
this evening, and to-morrow you can
go down and buy it. It'll just about
fit you, 1 should say, from the looks
of it."”
Mrs, Jobson was stunned,
“Why, you darling old—"
“By the way, you might as well tog
out in your best to-night,” said Mr.
Jobson, interrupting her. “Got a
couple of seats for the theater, and
after the show we'll have a bite at—
well, any place you want to go. We'll
just make a little night of it. How's
that?”
Mrs. Jobson went upstairs and put
on her things in a trance. She was al
most in tears,
“I don't know what in the world I'd
do if anything was the matter with
the dear, lovely old—"
Here her mind wandered into specu.
lation over the strange happenings of
the afterncon and evening. She got
herself up in her best, and when she
descended the stairs Mr, Jobson, him
self decked out in his evening clothes,
rewarded her with a gaze of admira
tion.
“By Jove, you do look mice, my
dear!” he excinimed, quite enthusias.
tieally. “I'll bet there won't be a
woman in the theater looking half so
spick and span,” and he gave her a
regular old-fashioned kiss,
Mrs. Jobson spent the next few
hours like & woman in a dream, The
play was excellent, and Mr. Jobson
was the soul of good nature. He said
clever things to her, and even made
surreptitious love to her between the
nets, After the play they went to the
hotel eafe and had Newburged lob
sters, with sparkling liquid accompani
ment, Then Mr. Jobson put her inte
n stylish rubber-tired hansom, and
they bowled home,
“My dear,” said Mrs, Jobson, plead
ingly, "won't you tell me now why
you've been so perfectly love—"
A foxy expression crept into Mr. Job
son's face, which she caught as the
[ hansom passed under an are light,
~ "Well, I'll tell you, my dear,” said
Mr. Jobson., “I was rummaging in the
trunks in the storeroom last mnight,
wasn't 1?7 ‘Member that navy blue
sergesuit that 1 wore when we went to
Atlantie City last summer? Well, n
digging through the pockets of that
guit I found two twenties and a ten
that you'd overlooked., The bills were
in an inside pocket of the vest. |
missed that money when we were down
at the beach, but I thought I'd lost it,
and 8o 1 didn’t say anything about it
to you. Well, seeing as how you'd over
looked ail that renl, sure-enough
money,” concluded Mr. Jobson, with a
erafty smile, “I thought that you were
entitled to a good time out of it, any
how, and--" !
Mrs, Jobson's face during this re
cital was a study,
“Well,” she said calmly, when Mr,
Jobson hegituted in his enjoyment of
the situation, “I have had a perfectly
lovely time, aud I have no complaint to
make, Dt those two twenties and the
ten were the bills that you gave me to
put in the bank the day before yester
day. Ididn't go to the bank, because it
was raining too hard, and T put them
in that vest, for safe keeping!"—Wush
ington Star.
A Drummer,
Judge Clark, of the North Carolina
supreme court, had to open court at
Oxford one winter. WheéThe got to
Henderson he found a deep snow on
the ground, aud the railroad from that
place to Oxford in those days did not
run in such weather. 8o the judge set
out in a buggy, with a driver whose
customers had theretofore been com
mercial tourists. He took the judge
for a drummer, and tried to beguile
the tedinm by talking over the hard
ware line. Not finding him exactly
well posted on that he took up the
dry gocds business, Not doing mueh
better with that he successively tried
him on notions, groceries, liquors and
others. Having exhausted all the
“lines™ he could think of, he finally
asked: “You are a drummer, are you
not? “Yes,” said the judge, “I am
somewhat in that line” “Well, what
is your line?” said the driver. “I am
a drummer for the state peniten
tiary." The driver, saying to himself,
half aloud: “You are the first one in
that line that ever came along here,”
drove the rest of the way in silence.
When the conveyance drove up to the
hotel in Oxford the landlord ran out
to greet his guest. When the driver
heard his passenger called “judge” the
point dawned on him, and he dashed
nround the house, scattering a cloud
of snow with his wheels.—N, Y, Trib
une.
A Diplomat's Pug,
One almost forgets how long ago it
Is since the wuzzling order was first
issued, but shortly after the Inception
of that order a housemaid “attached”
to a foreign legation took a pug dog,
also “attached” to the same legation
out for a walk. She was stopped by a
constable who asked her why the dog
was not wearing a muzzle, The house
mald replied that the dog did not pos
sess a muzzle, because it was a diplo
matie dog. The constable responded
that the dog was a dog, and that he was
not a fool. The constable took the
name and address of the housemaid.
A few days later a summons arrived at
the legation. The housemald did not
present hersel! at the court, and the
mwagistrate imposed a fine on her. At
last the foreign minister went to the
marquis of Salisbury about the mat.
ter. The result was that all the ofi
clals connected with the case were
reprimanded and a “note” was ad
dressed from Lord Salisbury to all the
legations in London, in which note
Lord Salisbury said he had the honor
o call attention to a certain order ep
titled the “muazling order,” by which
it was enacted that all dogs, when
taken into public ghcfi. should wear
a wuzsle over their head.—Chambery'
Journal,
Eminently Satisfactory.
Mrs. Caller—You have had the same
physician a long time, haven't you?
Mrs. Groceree—Ten years.
Mrs, Caller—He must be very satis
factory,
Mrs. Groceree—He is; he always takes
his pay in groceries from our store, -
Detroit Free Press.
FUNGENT PARAGRAPHS
He—*You needn’t be angry. I could
have kissed you two or ihree times
then if I'd wanted to.” She—"¥es, 1
know it "—N. Y, Press.
Teacher—*Make a sentence contain
ing the word ‘pursuit’” Bright Boy
(who reads the papers)—"Were ten
dollars, now $7.99 per suit.”—Philadel
phia Record,
Gaswell—*“l hear that women bar
bers are becoming quite numerous in
some places.,” Dukane—"Well, most
women possess the conversational
quaiification.”—Pittsburgh Telegraph
Short Road to Popularity —Hingso—
“Ttat doctor is very popular with so
ciety people.” Jingso—"Yes; he gives
Latin and Greek names to sick head
aches and the like.”—Syracuse Herald
Willie—*Now that sister is going tc
marry Mr. Jenks why is it called an
‘engagement,’ pa?” Mr. Undrethum—
“Probably because the real battle
comes later, my son."—Philade!phia
Press.
Visitor—*What a dreadfal smell of
smoke."” Hostess—*"o, it is only George
burning his weeds, as he calls it.”
Visitor—*l didn’t know he went in for
gardening.” Hostess—" Neither does
he. He has been smoking some cigars
I gave him last Christmas.”—Judy.
Negroes are unconsciously humor
ous. The other day two roustabouts
were overheard talking. They met on
the levee, after one had been absent
from the city for several weeks., “Hel
10, Bill. How is yer?" asked the first,
“Well, was the reply, “de doctor is
give me up, but de police ain't."—
Memphis Scimitar,
Couldn’t Say It~—~Mrs, Rambo (on
the inside of the front door)—*'Absa.
lom, you have been drinking again!”
Mr. Rambo (on the outside) - “No, m'
dear, I--" Mrs. Rambo-—" Say ‘Prompt
payments patiently pursued produce
prosperity.” Mr. Rambo—*Prompt
payments patiently prosued pos—"
Mrs. Rambo--*“Absalom, you can go
up to your room by way of the back
door."—Memphis Commercial Appeal.
SOME NEW CRIMES. -
Singular Infractions of the Laws
That HMave Recently Come
to Light,
Every point of view which affords an
extended retrospect, makes plain the
wonderful progress of civilization to
which this century has contributed so
much,
The United States members of the
international prison commission finds
such a point of view in the penal laws
which the states of the union have en
acted during the last few years., He
imagines Draco and Solon, the great
lawgivers of the Greeks, making a tour
of our prisons and reformatories, and
asking the various inmates what of
fenses they had committed,
A man in a Virginia jail replies: *“I
killed a partridge on the 2nd of
February.,” A Massachusetts druggist
says: "l sold coeaine without a doe
tor's prescription,” In Tennessee a
man is found to be serving a jerm of
three years for killing fish with d¢na
mite; a 4 Wisconsin baker has had to pay
a fine and spend six weeks in jail for
sleeping three nights in his bakery; a
New York man tampered with an auto
matic ballot machine; a California
nurse neglected to report to a doctor
that a baby's eyes were inflamed.
“l was convieted for watering a bi
eyele path,” says an Ohio street-sprink
ler, "l tapped atelegraph-wire,” states
another; “and I sold kerosene that was
not up to the fire test,” declares a third,
If the old lawyers were to extend
their tour of investigation still farther
they might learn of men fined or im
prisoned for dropping advertising mat
ter in letter chutes; for gambling by
means of “slot machines;” and for
countless other offenses, the wery
means for committing which were un
known 100 years ago.
Thus the statute-books record the
march of civilization, proclaiming the
increased richness of life, and suggest.
ing opportunities and respounsibilities
unknown even to the preceding genera.
tion. Young men of to-day are apt te
hear much about the growing fierce
ness of competition and the increasing
difficuities of making a living; but the
student of progress wili not need to ge
far into the past to find an answer tc
the argument.—Youth's Companion,
First Conches in London.
Riding was the only alternative te
walking at the beginning of Elizabeth's
veign, and a lady never rode without
sixX Or seven serving men to carry attire
suitable to all contingencies, and the
means to repair a toilet which might
suffer on the journey, Todiminish this
cost ecaches came into use. They were
introduced in 1364 by a Dutek coachman
of the queen; but we are told “a
coach was & strange monster in those
days, and the sight of it put both man
and horse into amazement; some said
it was a great erabshell brought out of
China, and some imogined it to be one
of the pagan temples in which the can
nibals worskiped the devil.' DBut at
length these doubts were cleared and
coachmaking became a substantial
trade. So rapid was the increase of
coaches that in 1601 an act of parlia
ment was passed “to restrain the ex
cessive and superfluous use of coaches
within this realm.” In spite of this in
novation, no method could be devised
which made locomotion pleasant
through streets which were alternately
torrents of dirt finding their way to
the Fieet diteh, and thiek deposits of
black mud, which furnished a ready
weapon to spyorne who wished to ex
press disapprovation, It is dificult for
us to picture London without either
cabs or ommibuses.—Coruhill Maga
zine.
Chamees tn War,
War is not such a dangerous game as
people think. In spite of all etforts to
annibilate each other, enemies do com
paratively slight damwage. Duriug the
Franco-German war, with its scores of
battles on a vast scale, only 194, men
in each 1,000 were killed and 108
wounded, while 41, per 1,000 were miss
ing. Thus any soldier engaged had
sbout pite chanvces to one that he
would not get a scrateh, and over fifty
chances to oue that he would not be
killed. Most of the wounds received
were slight—that ix to say, one-fourth
of all the wounds were severe, and
three-fourths were slight. But it is
surprising how gmsll & wound disables
& man and kroeks him out o! the
vanks.- Clucinnati, Enquirer,
CURRENT TOPICS.
The first newspaper advertisements
appeared in 1632
There are 219 national banks in op~
eration in Illinols.
During the last two years 41,375 men
have been killed in battle,
The present season has been one of
particular benefit to oyster farmers.
Cape Town is ordinarily calculated
as 22 days distant from Southampton.
A lawsuit which has lasted over a
century has come to an end in Ire
land. ;
The number of languages and dia
lects spoken in the world amounts to
8,064,
There was less poultry buying in
London at Christmas than for many
years.
In 1830 Texas raised 58,072 bales of
ecotton. Now she raises 12,000,000 bales
annually.
‘there are 38 yoemanry regiments in
England, with a muster exceeding 10,
000 men.
The sales girls in a New Jersey town
have started a crusade against the
usce of slang,
Itissupposed that the average depth
of sand in the deserts of Africa is from
30 to 40 feet.
The queen of Greece is said to be
the finest needlewoman among Euro
pean royalties.
The first attempt to manufacture
pins in this eountry was made soon
after the war of 1812,
Forty-three per cent of the fruit
trees in southern California are orange
and 13 per cent lemon.
Female bootblack are increasing rap
idly in France. They wear a costume
not unlike that of nuns.
The name of Shakespeare can be
spelt 4,000 different ways. The poet
himself spelt it 22 ways.
President Eliot of Harvard is some.
thing of a pedestrian, and never rides
when time and distance permit him to
walk.
The longest continuous run of a rafl
way train in Europe is that from Paris
to Constautinople, 1,921 miles, in 641
hours,
The olive erop of the past year of
southern California, including pickled
olives and olive oil, was estimated at
$lOO,OOO,
The number of Irishmen who have
been prominently associated with the
crisis and the war in South Africa is
remarkable.
Pottery makers in Great Britain and
the United States of America are draw
ing up a price list to govern prices in
both countries. :
Mrs. Gladstone attained her BBBth
birthday recently, and the bells of
Hawarden church were rung in honor
of the occasion.
How’s This?
We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward
for any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured
by Hall's Catarrh Cure. i
F. J. Cheney & Co., Props., Toledo, O. :
We, the undersigned, have known F. J, |
Cheney for the last 15 years, and believe him
perfectly honorable in all business transac
tions and financially able to carry out any
obligations made by their firm. |
leut(il'. Truax, \\lholenh Druggists, To
edo, O, i
Walding, Kinnan & Marvin, Wholesale
Druggists, Toledo, O. |
Hnfi'n Catarrh Cure is taken internally,
acting directly upon the blood and mucous |
surfaces of the system. Price 75¢. per bot- |
ltle. Sold by all Druggists. Testimonials |
ree. |
Hall’s Family Pills are the best. |
Not So Sare.
At a dinner in Rnltm?dean lately, a royal
academician stated to the company the cu
rious fact that uug"lr and sumac are the
only two words in English where su is pro
nounced shu. There was much interest
shown in the discovery, when Rudyard Kip
hni was heard from the other end of the
table: “But, are you quite sure?’—Chi.
cago Chronicle.
6,434 Letters & Day.
The John A. Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse,
Wis,, received 6,434 orders Feb. 26, which 19
a monster day, but they expect to doublie
this number by the middle of March. The
firm s ha\‘m[f a great trade in its specialties,
F)(:tun, speitz, Bromus Inermis, ‘{nlw. Big
our Oats, Three Eared Corn and earliest
vegetables, There isa wonderful demand for
onions, cabbage, hmu and bean seed this
f'ur‘ .'l'Zarly Bird Radish and Laghtning Cab
mfip. the earliest of this kind in the wide,
wide world, are having a tremendous sale.
The firm above mentioned is a large adver
tiser and use weekly newspapers—that tells
the story.
Hopeless Dachelor,
“What did Mr. Cummings say to gon
last night, Clara, when he was trying to but
ton {_our !,10" r”
“Why, he said any man who made gloves
that wouldn’t button easier than mine ought
to Rl\’! up the business.’”
“Well, dear, take my advice and don’t
waste any more time in that direction."—
Stray Stories,
You Can Get Allen’s Foot-Ense FREE,
Write to-day to Allen 8. Olmsted, Leroy,
N. Y, for a FREE sample of Alien's Foot-
Ease, nllmmlor to shake lntod{?:r shoes. It
cures chilblains, sweating, , swollen,
aching foet, It makes New or K‘ht shoes
easy. A certain cure for Corns and Bun
fous. All druggists and shoestores sell it. 25¢.
Charged to Account.~Father—*You're al
together too extravagant, sir. Now, what
d‘:ryou pay for that suit you've on you!”
Son—"oh, say, po;, you must think I'm a
chump.”—Detroit Free Press.
Low Rate Home Seekers’ Excursions.
The Missouri Pacific Railway and Iron
Mountain Route are now mnmn‘\: series of
excursions to the West and Southwest,
Tickets on sale March 6th and 20th, April
3d and 17th, at very low rates, MaLu. fold
ers, time cards and illustrated pamphlets on
the various states mailed free on application
toH. C. Townsend, G.P. & T. A, t{l. Louis.
You can't tell how strong affection is by
ite sighs.—Chicago Dispatch.
Fortify Feeble Lungs Against Winter
with Hale's Honey of Hont:--d and Tar.
Pike's Toothache f)rop. Cure in one minute.
One vice gathers others like a 1o
mowbdl.—Aghm- Globe. -y
T\in{' minutes is all the time required to
dye with PUTNAM FADELESS DYES.
Soid by all druggpsts.
“First come first served” isn’t saying how
well.~Chicago Dispatch.
Piso’s Cure is a wonderful Cough medi
cine.—~Mrs. W, l‘kker& Van oS:i‘-ln and
Blake Aves., Brooklyn, N. Y, Oct. 26, '
Wee are the people—the Bushmen.—Yale
Te Cure a Cold 1n One Day
Take Laxative Bromo ?flulu Tablets. All
c}_r_\gtqnfpnd money ifis fflhloc-n. Be.
The r size for a lazy individual is
TO PLACE OUR GARDEN SEEDS IN EVERY HOME IN THE COUNTRY Tolvßav s , soe 1 sised sackngm. o 6 low than X vajua. baut ever grown. that will grow in aay U. & ciimate sad CIVE
flmmnfl-u‘ - and the fallowing srand colleecian of THE gm‘& ote. If you waot knife Ne. Teb. or ¥ e
”f:mmriprnumuanm.llflmmm, ‘fi" retail price 18 over $5.70 and we wii sad
watent PGT Gl 'L G
THIS KNIZE JPFLEID - E'?h- Sy E‘%‘n sFo |AT *‘;..’.‘::‘n‘ e&2
With Lot h KN Froe abie Cucind Pursies. I phg. Onlary, 1 ™ . I¥TE 3L
R 1 .{:'-fls'...“ izare Piat Guien. | she. On Neart Carecin %‘&:mr'mgfi%’ T B S o Barty WA Lot Yo 75 B,
F by Mlvq:w& = i phg. Eariy Dut o mm,hwm“ ¢"o ™ har | Dunvers long pke. Perfection Free
HoEe S tar eTSARt S T e eL S S M e e :
. 3l 4 have @ Ivigwt har At Tietn, the sas
e gréerias -n”m-:mn:?.:? th :«:mu -'v.n'f.-nun - it Sacly r-'l:-hdnum;.m b h&:‘" hoo? - -._@; -~
eilad emaia g brice hea cs. W SEEDS WITH KNiFE FRELT W ROBERTE SUPPLY HOUSE, BTN S MInN.
POSTED ON FINANCE.
At Least That Was the Impreassion
She Gave Her Sister Club
Members.
“It is simply impossible to hcz posted on
everytbing,’P said a club woman to a Daugh
ter of the American Revolution.
“Yes, indeed, it is,” admitted the D. A. R.
“But sometimes, if you are not quite posted,
you can wriggle out of a difficuit situation
without seeming so vee? ignorant. For ex
ample, I was just saved by mi‘premee of
mind ata D. A. R. mcetinls”t other day.
Prof, Sfurkl, of the university, you know,
read a lovely g)aper on ‘Governeur Morris,
Financier of the American Revolution.’
“ “Who is this Governeur Morris? said a
friend of mine from the Fortnightly club.
‘Seems to me | never heard of him.”
“There were half a dozen women around,
and I was frightlnlly embarrassed. I never
had heard of Governeur Morris, either, but
you know, a D. A. R. is supposed to know all
those things.
_**o, don't you remember? Isaid. ‘Mor
ris was the man who financed the govern
ment and borrowed a lot of monc"{v to do it.”
*“ ‘Thank you,” said my friend from the
Fortmgh'.l{.
_“Now, the fact is, you know, dear,” con
tinued the D. A. R., “I really knew no!hin‘
of it whatever, except that Prof. Sparks
subject said that the man had financed the
government, and I knew if he did that he
must have had to borrow a lot of money.”—
Chicago Inter Ocean.
SCORE FOR THE MENU.
He Guessed at the French and Struck
Nothing Bat Eggs and
Toothpicks.
Gilson—Next time I takea fiirl toa French
restaurant I won’t be so all-fired smooth.
I don’t care a durn whether she believes
I talk French in my sleep and take a French
newspaper, or whether she thinks I doun’t
know a French poodle from a dachshund!
Willets—What's the matter now?
*“Last night I thought if I'd go right down
the card and pick out something every
couple of inches I'd strike ® about rifht.
If there's one thing I can’t eat it’s hen
fruit. Well, the first round we got was
lou&with a drg:f)ped egg in it.”
“Well, you didn’t have to eat it!”
““The next prize package 1 drew was a
fhm omelette. I fought shy of it and said
was waiting for the real solid dishes.”
. “Yes.” bt
“Well, next I ?t eggn broiled in butter
and then egg sandwiches! I couldn’t play
off forever, and I had to eat 'em.”’
“Poor old chap!”
“Then I got mad and {'uthed clear to
the last thing on the list for dessert. And
what do you think the waiter brought us?
Toothpicks!”"—N. Y. Press,
Could Change His Mind.
Prof. Hendershott is well known in Pitts
burgh as a man of affable temper, and it is
rare that he shows even imguuencc. One
day while traveling on a suburban trolley
car to call on a friend, he asked the con
ductor to transfer him to the city street
cars at a certain point. Soon afterward the
car stopped and he was surprised to see out
side the very friend he was seeking. He
started to leave the car, when the conductor
accosted him. “You can’t change for your
car here,” he said, brusquely. The pro
fessor passed him, taking no notice. “Can’t
change cars here, I tell you,” nnap;;ed the
conductor again. The pmt’eswr, deep in
conversation with his friend, merely waved
his hand to signify that the car might go
on without him. “Here,” cried the man
in brass buttons, angrily, “don’t I tell you
that you can’t change cars at this place?”
Then the good old professor answered with
severity: “But I ean change my mind at
this station, can’t I?”—Golden Days.
Map Puzzle Educator.
Is Towa as large as Maine? Which is the
Pan Handle State? What state is bounded
by four straight lines? These and many
other questions relating to the geography
of our own country. answered by the map
puzzle sent out by the Chicago Great West
ern Railway. It is a dissected map of the
United States printed on heavy cardboard
and the puzzie consists in putting the pieces
tufielher %0 as to form a complete map. It
will be found interesting and instructive to
old people as well as young. It will be sent
to our readers sending 10 cents to F. H. Lord,
G. P. and T. A, Chicago Great Western
Railway, Chicago, 111., mark envelope “Puz
zle Department.”
Was It Salelde?
Brakeman—The trainboy dropped dead in
the baggage car a few minutes ago.
(,‘nmfuctor-—l'oor fellow! Heart trouble,
1 suppose.
“[‘ don’t think so. He had one of his
own cigars in his_mouth at the time.”—
Chicago Evening News.
The International & Great Northern rail
way are sending out a map of Texas, Mex
ico and surrounding territory that is an ex
cellent production of the map engraver’s
art,both artistically and geogmphicafir The
map is made on an unusually large scale, and
is as near perfect as to details as it is pos
sible to make it. Mr. D. J. Price, general
pmuu-nfxer and ticket agent of the system
at Palestine, Texas, is sending copies of
this map to anyone who asks for it and en
closes seven cents in stamps to pay postage.
She (after the proposal)—“You know
paln is not rich.” He (philosophically)—
‘Oh, well, I'd rather take his chances than
mine.”—Harlem Life.
A frog would leufi: from a throne of gold
into a puddie.—Pyblius Syrus.
Working
Women
are Invited to write fto
Mrs. Pinkham for free
advice about thelr health.
Mrs. Pinkham is a wo
man.
If you .hm;‘o "nlnful
periods, backaches or
any of ;In moie serious
s of women, write to
Mrs. Pinkham; she has
B ek
er w
confidential.
vl. ydia E. Plnkhmu;:
known wherever the Eng
lish language is spoken.
Nothing else can
Hyhumbh.:::::
fering women. No other
medicine has helped so
many.
Remoember this when
something else Is sug
gested.
Mrs. Pinkham’s ad
dress is Lynn, Mass.
Her helping bhand is
outstretched
always to
A NOTED JUDGE SAVED BY PERUN)
Had Catarrh Nine Years---All Doctors Fajjey
HON. GEORGE KERSTEN, OF CHICAGO.
Hon. Geo. Kersten, a well-known Justice of the Peace, of Chicago, says:
““I was afflicted with catarrh for nine years. My catarrh oy
located chiefly in my head. I tried many remedies without avail, |
applied to seweral doctors, but they awere not able to cure me. |
learned of the remedy, Peruna, through the daily newspapers. Afy
taking the remedy for 18 weeks I was entirely cured. I consider
cure permanent, as it has been two and a half years since I was cure,”
Any man who wishes perfect health| All families should provide tjp.
must be entirely free from catarrh. Ca- | selveswithacopy of Dr. Hartman's fr.,
tarrhiswell-nigh universal; almost om- | book entitled “Winter Catarrh.” 1j;
nipresent. Peruna is the only absolute | book consists of seven lectures oy .
safeguard known. A cold is the begin-| tarrh and la grippe delivered at Ty,
ning of catarrh. To prevent colds, to | Hartman Sanitarium. It contains e
cure colds, is to cheat catarrh out of its | latest information on the treatmen: of
victims. Peruna not only cures catarrh,
but prevents it. =
SLICKER
WILL KEEP YOU DRY.
Don’t be fooled with a mackintosh
or rubber coat. If you wantacoat
that will keep you dry in the hard
est storm buy the Fish Brand
Sll-:lu‘r“."1 lf'not for sale :n your
town te for catal ol
A J. TOWER. Boston, Mass.
INCREASE
Your CROPS
Every farmer,
whether he has a
few acres or hun
dreds, can make
larfer crops if he
will sow his grain
with &
Seed Sower
1t sows economi
cally, aniformly;
sows 4 108 acres
an hour of any
seed. Lasts a lire
time. Pays for ftself in a season. For 3 years
it has been recognised as the only reliable hand
sower. 11 lnur deéaler won't furnish it, address
GOODELL COMPANY, Antrim, N. H..
NN | ™ AN E-O 1803
ROPSY N DISCOERY; gives | o PN WRITING TO ADVERTISIRS
Advertsr
8. Book of testimonials and '1.0“,.. treatment Plense state that you saw the
pe Dr H. H. GREEN'S SONS, Bex . Atlanta. Ga. ment In this paper. 5
‘w E
Factory Loaded Shotgun Shells.
| ‘
“‘ LEADER " loaded with Smokeless powder and “ NEW
ERIVAL" loaded with Black powder. Superior to all
other brands for
UNIFORMITY, RELIABILITY AND
i STRONG SHOOTING QUALITIES.
; Winchester Shells are for sale by all dealers. Insist upon
l!\fving them when you buy and you will get the best.
catarrhal diseases. Address Dr. ua-,'.‘
man, Columbus, Ohio.
é =iifi s¢by -
Free at Your Home,
WALLBLOM PAYS
___________ THE FREIGHT.
Carpets Sewed free of charge. Send 5(014 an
postage on samples of latest wenves of carjei
g)ulslw designs and colorings. Can save y u g
per cent on a earpet.
Write for Furniture Catalogue FIRIFE
T. WALLBLOM FURNITURE & CARPET 00
Excursion Rates fo Western Cana
and partieularsas e
to secure 160 acros !
the best Wheat growing
land on the continent caa
besecured on app icatin
rx the SBuperintenden of
mmllxnu“n. Ottawa,
Canada, or the upder
signed. Specialiy o 9
ducted excursions vl
e ENNNR IR | onve St Paul Mooroa
the first and third Tuesday in each month, and spe
cially low rates on all lines of raliway are bend
&uomd for excursions leaving =t Paulon Mara
ith, and April 4th, for Manitoba. Assinibola Sae
katchewan and Alberta. F.PEDLEY supt of
migration, Ottawa, or to BEN Davies Id'y £
Third Street. Bt. Paul, Minn.; W RiTCHIE, Gralis
N.D; T. O. CURRIE, Stevens Point, Wis
with disgusting stuff constantly falling from vour
nostrils into _your throat’ One packet of DR
OULMAN'S OWN (‘ATA‘RH SNUPP
OURE will get ,{“'“ right with yourse!f s »
rest of the world. Sold in s@e and ‘I packets serd
Di.A.OULMAN, 8616 Jackson Ave., (hoeago |
NEVER KNOWN TO FAIL!
Dr. Willlams' Indian Ple
Ointment will el
Bleedin and s
Piles. fl absor "
tumors, allays p
ing at once, acts »i
imullu-@ Rives AD:
lef. Prepared for "
and Itehing of the prives
parts. At drues !
mail on receipt of Pr(ce. 59 cents and 8198
WILLIAMS MFG. CO, Frops., CLEVELAND. VHS
RHEUMATISM ShMamact v
with Bordo’s Rheumalie
Tablets. Notsold by dealers. Sent by mal| by @
Mfg. Co. Rhinelander. Wis. & boxes, $l.OO
READERS OF THIS PAPER
DESIRING TO BUY ANYTHING
ADVERTISED IN ITS COLUMNS
BHOULD INSIST UPON HAVING
WHAT THEY ASK FOR, REFUSING
ALL SUBSTITUTES OR IMITATIONS
Steel Plow, hard as glass all over, S'llou
)8t plow on earth at any price. i
Soat o mavey el Soat b iy e s e
of Suikys, Dise Harrows, W agoes
RSe e i i
e mox 1 300,000 PLOW O . 1
478, The oniy Plow Factery ia the U.S. seliing direct t e oot
VIA [RON MOUNTAIN R2UTE
The World's Sanitartum and All-Year Bound Feers™
Resort, resched only via this Mape Hiega:: ©O%
Sublime Boenery: Cltmate: Heaitos B 4
M: m&%mmuw chents
trom Louts. Beduced Round Rates 57%
u‘.‘.mmm.‘mhm%-lud\“’“
@ Por desertptive and tlustrated let. T 8
Company's sgents. or H. C. mfig s
Danaanans mad ol os Aoo.s BFP no