OCR Interpretation


Ottumwa semi-weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1899-1903, November 25, 1902, Image 11

Image and text provided by State Historical Society of Iowa

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn86061214/1902-11-25/ed-1/seq-11/

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living's coming!"
uJa
"Hello, old man! What's the matter? Not well? You seem to be
losing flesh."
"Bet your.life! I'm living on that new three cent a day diet. Thank6-
Spoke From Experience.
Friend—I haven't seen you for some
tftne.
Poet—No. Fact is, I have become a
good deal of a recluse lately.
Friend—-I feared as much. How
much do you owe?
MARVEL.
"Hey, Skinny, come quick an' look at de bloke wot pos'tively declines
ter hab any turkey!"
1
AM
i,-
StJ
Wvy
S S
'MiUUMM
A TIMELY FAD FOR TUB^^S. I The Old Story
Varied.
"I thought I'd be
all right," sobbed
the young wife,
"when I married
a man who had
been r-raised In
an orphan asy
lum!"
One of Many.
"There goes a man who looks like
one born to command."
"Perhaps he was, but at present he is
one of the commanded."
"How's that?"
"Married a widow recently."
TIMELY WARNING.
Johnny ate at dinner n-.ore than wes rood for him, and when he went to bed at night he had a most terrible
M" dream about himself: Good ohildrcn always get up from the table with an appetite.
Kit!
rwwpr" LWJIIU^H' ipi.ULiiWJi "Will -,l I..'. JvlWK'LL
r«!
JL
SS
Of course a sym
pathetic female
friend was near.
"Why, what is
wrong, dear?" in
quired the visitor,
pleased at scent
ing domestic dis
cord.
"He—he"—
The bride of a
few short months
sobbed afresh.
—"he told me
that my Thanks
giving pies were
not as good as the
matron used to
make!"
There is no es
cape from these
economic pi'ob
lems, old as exist
ence.
An Unfortunate.
It was on a dreary
Thursday—
A bleak Novem
ber morn—
That the turkey
'neath the
hatchet
Cursed the day
that he was
born.
Dravrbacka.
There's no Thanks
giving day for
Greece
Her future's far
too murky—
For though she's
glad that she
has peace.
It's not a piece
of Turkey.
No Trouble.
Lopeared Wad
kins (who has
been a a y)—I
hear you had some
trouble with Sog
Johnson Thanks
givin' day.
Alkali Ike—Nope
Jest shot him
that's all.
The Survlvor'a
Yarn.
"Let us have a
somewhat differ
ent Thanksgiving
dinner," said the
farmer's wife
"let's kill the fat
gander."
An hour later
the turkey, breath
ing freer, peeked
around the back
of the house to ob
serve the carcass
of his rival pen
dent from a nail."
"I now under
stand," he said
softly to himself,
"the meaning of
the phrase, 'Ev
erything is lovely
and the goose
hangs high.'
Cutting
"He always gives
me such nice pres
ents on my birth
day!"
"He believes in
the law of com
pensation."
W/M you HA
VS
B/r 0F
the SEcoNb jomr,
W//V(r
OR ft
ii wsjiM ViM
i«- /"w'.ti Cid"
AN ACHING VOID.
v~vfr
Doctor—There, my good man, is
Something to give you an appetite for
your Thanksgiving dinner.
Patient—Yes. but, doctor, can't you
give me a dinner to go with the appe
tite?
Great!
One of the greatest feelings of pleas
ure-that falls to the lot of man is ex
perienced when, after waking up with
the impression that it is time to arise
for the day and lying in bed for some
minutes fighting off drowsiness, he
finally looks at his watch and finds he
Still has four good, long hours during
which he may sleep.
I
4
^ifgfc
THE OTTUMWA COURIER.
TOO MUCH THANKSGIVING DINNER.
.Au.
ZJS o=
'»v.V
A Brief Respite.
Mr. Cooney: "Yum, yum!
Mr, Cooper:. "Ah, hah!"
A
The Friend—What have we to be
thankful for?
The Father—Lots. Christmas pres
ents area month away yet.
Not Mutual.
'I like to see a little dog," said the
man with the dyed whiskers, suiting
the action to the word, 'and pat him
on the'— Blank dash the savage little
beast! Take that, you bloodthirsty
brute!"
ClIANUE OP HEART.
Tlie Kid—Whatever I could see In
turkey to like is what gets me!
jt%iy
«pwp!WSP»pW?WJ?WF(pra^^
iff
Not In Good
Set.
"No," exclaimed
the mother tur
key, "I would pre
fer my children
not to associate
with those incu
bator chicks."
"Because they
are so heedless
and don't know
how to feather
their own nests?"
inquired the duck. I
"No, it isn't that
so much I have
brooded over," re
plied the turkey, I
"but there's some
thing so artificial
Her Only Ob
jection.
Maid—Mrs. Gay
boy. I would like
to have a reason
for my discharge.
What is thera
about me you do
not like?
Mrs. Gayboy
(quietly)—My hus
band's arm.
Pernonnl.
Ida—So she left
her husband and
married again?
Sue—Yes but she
was terribly in
sulted during the
ceremony.
Ida—How so?
Sue—Why, some
one whispered,
"Grass is coming
up again."
Don't Von Know
Mef
Scheming Schuy
ler— Well. we're
sure uv a T'anks
givin' dinner.
Soiled Sammy—
How's dat?
Scheming Schuy
ler Turn up at
some place where
dere's a plate set
for de missin' boy.
OkklVV.
1
about them."
However, when
the incubator^
chicks heard this
they thought of
the funeral baked
meats of Thanks
giving and re
marked signifi
cantly, "Death lev
els all ranks."
He Never Smiled
ABrnln.
Borum I say.
Miss Sharp, what
is the difference
between a woman
and a monkey?
Miss Sharp
What is the dis
tance from your
chair to mine?
Borum About
six feet.
Miss Sharp
Well, that's the
difference.
Dave Delver
What they been
doin' now?
Sile Harrower—I
jest seed one on
'em a-settin" his
watch by the old
town clock.
GAME OF CHANCE THANKSGIVING TURKEY
Mr. Cooney: "Birdie, cuir. off yo'
perch!"
Mr. Cooper: "Ah, there- my size! him up!
Come hither!"
im
•I
fV^r,»/a'
7
1
i'
it,.
4
dMI.
*S( f'
HIS AVOCATION.
Aii Evidence of
Blind Faith.
Sile narrower—
Them city fellers Soiled Spooner (at the door): "I am willin' to work, madtHm, but
ain't so dumb competition keeps me from gittin' anything to do at my trade."
smart, after all.
Mrs. Goodsoul: "What is your trade?"
Soiled Spooner: "Carvin' T'anksgivin' turkeys for lonely widows."
SOMETHING TO BE THANKFUL FOR.
"Thank goodness, there aren't three of them!
Mr. Cooney: "Who says dat ain't
heartbreakin' luck?
.vfcte
Mr. Cooney (still more surprised):
But I'll foller "W-w-w-what dees this mean, sah?"
Mr. Cooper: "Guess it means'
'heads I win, tails you lose!'"
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