Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume], December 08, 1903, Image 7

About Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916

Image provided by: State Historical Society of Iowa

                
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NOT LOST.
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Lady: "Have you lost yourself, little boy?"
They brought him food and said with
guile,
"You'll find this stuff about your style,"
5Fhe victim tries to raise a smile—
The smile that won't come ofl!.
GOOD REASON.
"And1 why did she choose
tmong so many admirers?"
"The others did not propose."
».', ..siw
Little Boy: "No—boo, hoo! I've found a street I don't know!"
IT WOULDN'T COME OFF.
He wouldn't advertise.
him
I
"How -well Miss dtderiey carries her age, doesn't .she?'!
"But she must be accustomed to it by now."/"
HARD BLOW.
He—But I still, don't dare to confess
to your father the-extent of my debts.
She—What cowards -you men are!
Papa is as afraid to tell you about fyis.
jh«»i*0
The Worst.
Magistrate—You
must be subjected
to a great many
temptations, you
are up before me
so often.
Prisoner Dat's
de fac',' boss. Dis
here am- de world
6f temptationsand
trials. But de tri
als hit me de1
hardest, boss.
Juvenile Philoso
phy.
Sister There!
You have candy
all over your new
suit. What will
mamma say?
Little Brother
Well, mamma will
not let me have
any fun in these
clothes till I get
'em spoiled.
Both Speculations
Mrs. Grumpey—
do wish that you
would stop specu
lating on theboard
of trade. It's only
a game of chance.
Grumpey—So is
marriage. Do you
want to stop be
ing married?
X'
HINT FOR THE MILLION.
There was a man in our town
About a giant's size
Who nearly starved to death because
And when he weighed but forty pounds
He grasped his rusty pen
And wrote an ad. and published it.
And now he's fat again.
A Rough Esti
mate.
Father—In ask
ing for the hand
df my daughter,
young man, I
trust that you
fully realize the
exact value of the
prize you seek?
Prospective Son
n- la w—Wei
1—er—'
I~had not figured
it quite so close as
that, but I guess
ed it at about a
half million.1
An Ovation.
Little Willie
This paper says
that Mr. Hamlet
Smithers received
an ovation. What
does that.mean?
Father—My son,
the word "ova
tion" Is derived
from the Latin
"o a,"
means an egg.
Ovation means, a
shower of eggs.
Mild Treatment
"Kitty, did you
have a good time
at the bargain
sale?"
"Yes, lovely. I
only had my hat
pulled off six
limes, and I did
not get kicked In
a
once." "1
His Funny Little
Way.
Clara He has
such a funny little
way of kissing me
on the back of-tlie
neck.
Maud—Well, you
knpyv. he can't see
your face from
there.
,t.
tirfriilllrl^ Hill II I rfiltfH' Ifriinlifi
5fT
THE OTTUMWA bOURIER.
THE LUCK OF LUCKY LUCAS.
"Hello!" grinned Lucky Lucas. Biff! Whoofter! But this time
"Here's a fine fat cigar. Me luck's in surely that motor car has biffed Lucky
again for sure!" Lucas' luck to smithereens.
Has it? We're not so certain. You
see, that motor biffed him clean
through a window—
Get out of here
"you beast! OK. missus!
—and right into a room where there
was a scrumptious lunch all ready!
We rather fancy he's still in luck.
WANTED
GIRL
OP-
TOT)
I
A STORY WITH A MORAL.
ii.
He'd been fishing and fishing all the And he had a drink. Still no.bite,
blessed day, but no |)ite came his way So he had another drop of Scotch and
when an idea struck him, and he went another—
and fetched a bottle of Scotch.
—and another until hi6 spirits were And he landed the most horrible,
very low* But his perseverance was awful looking monster that ever was
at last rewarded with a bite. seen by mortal eye.
IIJW.*. '-IB
»i 'Mr
6
"It's all his fault!"
•1SB
A Weight Off His
Mind.
She—And if I
should refuse to
marry you, then
what?
He—Then all the
doubt and fear
that have been in
months would be
removed, and I
should be happy.
Played Out Then.
"Did you ever
play poker all
night?"
"Well, no."
"You are not an
enthusiast, then?"
"Oh, yes. But a
good player does
not need to play
with me longer
than thirty min
utes."
Appreciated.
"That Mr. Race
tout is so interest
ing! He seems to
be a very polished
gentleman." said
Miss Gusher.
"Yes," said the
man who knows
him. "He's not
only polished he's
positively slick."
with your old pipe
They Are In the
Procession.
"I wonder," mus
ed the aged pessi
mist, "what has
become of all
the old fashioned
girls."
"Most of them,"
replied the middle
aged optimist," are
having a good
time as n«w fash
ioned wives and
mothers."
Fetched.
"So a mere bon
net brought you
to this?"
"Yes." sobbed the
culprit. "It was
very fetching."
She was there
upon remanded to
custody until it
could be decided
whether her act
was kleptomania
or grand larceny.
What Was on Her
Mind.
Mertie—I despise
that Specie girl.
She never meets
me but she tells
me about the lov
ers and the num
ber of proposals
she has had. She
makes me tired.
Marie—Me too.
I do hate to hear a
person talk shop.
De-
Unwarranted
lay.
He Darling, I
have loved you
ever since first we
met.
She—Well, why
didn't you say so
long ago? Did
you think I was a
mind reader?
-vv^
LOVE.
Mr. Baldspot—So you think love is
like a photographic plate, eh? And
why, pray?
Miss Flippe—Why, it takes a dark
room to develop it. you goose!
a
v:
NOT GUILTY.
Mother (severely): "Ethle, you have been flirting in the conservatory
with Captain Jack! Why, I positively once heard the sound of a kiss!" ,i
Ethle: "Heard it once? That was not us."
a "V-- •••.
4
&/•/••'••
DIFFICULT TO GET HOLD OF
Jones (furiously)—Do you know. I'v
married a young woman through
matrimonial agency, which stated he
to be a countess, whereas I find she is
only a cook?
Brown (interestedly)—A cook! Yoi
lucky dog! Now you'll get your meal
sent up decently, old man.
COMMON PHRASE ILLUSTRATED.
He felt the time heavy on his hands."
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