Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume], February 11, 1905, Image 7

About Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916

Image provided by: State Historical Society of Iowa

                
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A Mind Reader.
"X say, Jack, I
suppose you don't
want to lend me a
fiver?"
"You aught to
set up aa a clair
voyant, Tom. The
way you read an
other's mind Is
simply marvel
ous."
A WISE GIRL.
Dilatory Lover—My income is small,
and perhaps it is cruel of me to take
you from your father's roof.
-The'Girl—But I don't live on the roof.
JZ
O
A
ACCOMPANIMENTS.
"Don't you dislike the smell of gaso
line that goes with an automobile?"
"Not so much as the smell of arnica
that goes with it
More Substantial.
Fred—What did
you throw up your
situation for?
Karle I'm go
ing to be married
tomorrow.
Fred—How will
j$ "1 you live—on love?
Earle Oh, no.
|k We are going to
live on my love's
I?*, father. See?
"^Turned Down.
^•c/5The Masher—
jPardon me, but
you look like a
young lady I know.
Miss Clever—
Pardon me,- but
you look like a
man don't know.
V-f &&
REASON AND ITS LACK.
"But—aw—why do you say you don't like my face?"
"Because,"
"Ah, but that's not a pwoper answer. There's no reason in that."
-r "Well, there's none in your face either."
BLACK AND BLUE.
A GOOD EXCUSE.
"It's strange that a strong man like
you cannot get work."
"Well,. ma'am, people, want references
from me last employer, an' he's been
dead twenty years."
THE MODERN SNOB.
"What is a snob?"
"He is a man in good society who
lives in perpetual fear-lest he shall run
against somebody who knows him
Ready to Nego
tiate.
Her Father—
You have been
paying attentions
to my daughter.
You haven't pro
posed yet?
His Lordship
Not yet, sir.
Her Father—
Now, let us come
right down to
business. What
will you take not
to propose?
Fatuosity For the
Fatuous.
Miss Prim—It's
a shame the way
Mrs. Rounder's
husband neglects
her.
Miss Gay But
think of the good
times it permits
her to have I
Proof of His De
votion.
S e—Do you
really love me?
He—Darling, if I
did not do you
suppose I should
have spoiled the
creases in these
trousers?
Strictly Profes'
sional.
"Did those cho
rus girls kiss and
make i^p?"
"No. They make
up first.
THE STRONG MAN—A STORY WITHOUT WORDS,
KM?
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-ir-'b?
OVERHEARD AT THE CLUB.
Kc
"What a wonderful money saving device the telephone Isl"
"Yes for people who borrow the use of it."
JHE LIGHTNING ARTIST.
I
ps
-x•.-
,v-?1:.Vvv"v IJT ,*
Would Like Some.
She What do
you find in that
stupid old paper
to keep you so
busy?
He-1-! was Just
looking at the
money market.
She—Oh, do they
have a money
market? Are there
ever any bar
gains?
Choice of Letters.
"I think I shall
adopt letters as a
profession," ob
served the party
with the bulging
brow.
"Typewriting or
sign painting?" in
quired the sardon
ic person.
Too Late.
He—Your father
ought to know
what I have to say
to *him, I have
been coming here
so long.
Ld
f&cJ.
IIS
)c3r
•i
--t
She—I'm afraid
he has given up
ail hope.
A Quiet Game.
"Smoke up, old
man, smoke up!"
"Why, the room
is blue now!"
"Exactly. No
danger of wifey
coming in if we
caA keep it blue."
Vj
A MEAN MAN.
Brown—I actually believe, my dear,
that you think more of my dog than
you do of me.
Mrs. Brown—I'd like to know why
you think so.
Brown—Well, you never allow him to
eat anything you cook.
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'i |I\.-'IN :A:i^'AD WAY.
1
"He seems to be absentminded-"
"Awfully, He hasn't enough memory to forget things.-,-
THE BIRD'S REGRETS. A MISS CALCULATION.
The Bird—And did your mother not 'KV T-**,
tell you that the birds eat the early
worms
The Worm—Oh, no, sir.
The Bird—Well, I am sorry, but you
really can't blame me for omissions on
the part of your parents.
THE PARENT AND HEIR APPARENT WITHOUT APPARENT HAIR.
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Henee th« Term.
Clarence —.Why
do you say the
wedding was pa-,
triotlc?-,
j. ^Jgerhon—Well,
the bride was red,
the groom was
it in a
ther, who had all
I the bills to pay,
was blue.
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IN DOUBT.
Ethel—Did Will seem to be nervous
when he proposed to you?
Frances—I don't know. Thfe Janitor
had let the steam go down, and I could
not tell whether he wap nervous or
merely shivering bec&use it liSLd sot bo
cold.
An Imitative Wo
man
Mrs. Figg*-That'
odious widow, the
hateful thing, has
gone and got
dress made exact
ly like mine.
Mrs. Wagg—Oh,
that's nothing. She
is trying to marry
my husband's twin
brother.
A Sporting Note
First Bear I
saw a man shot a
minute ago.
Second Bear
What for?
First Bear—For
impersonating ma
I think.
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