Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume], May 19, 1906, Image 6

About Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916

Image provided by: State Historical Society of Iowa

                
ipm&tf-:-v„*
&i •*&&•
^'BSiS.Y.i'vf
r?sli*
"tit,
W'.V
JgU
11^ 5
•'••"Don't you think you'd be a better
boy if you prayed every day?"
"What's the use? I've got about
forty relatives prayin' for me now!"
A PAIR OF.SCISSORS!
In the Boarding
School.
"Give me a syn
onym for suc
cess," said the
teacher.
"Marriage!" said
the demure little
girl in the baclr/
High Compliment.
"Isn't the Duke
of Pottedham a
very dignified per
son
"Exceedingly so.
In'fact, he was at
one time taken for
a floorwalker."
Willing Victim.
She—When I set
my face against
anything I mean
it.
He—Would you
—er—mind setting
your face against
mine?
HI8 POINT OF VIEW.
She—The professor tells me that kiss
ing is most injurious.
He—So it wquld be to kiss the pro
fessor.
DOES NOT APPLY.
Rounder—You can lead a horse to
water, you know, but you can't make
him drink.
Bronson—That's all right, old fellow,
but you're no horse-
Mm ^j^ey r.
HOPELES8 CASE. At the Consulta
tion.
First Doctor
.: •^^w^K'i?*'*.: .«*
Then we decide
not to operate.
Second Doctor—
Yes. What do you
think we ought
to charge him for
deciding not to
operate?
Quite the Reverse.
Stayer—I am very
impulsive. I nev
er know when to
stop.
Miss Weary
Oh, yes, you do!
The trouble is you
don't know when
to go.
Her Smartness.
"She's a smart
woman, I'm told."
"Well, in the
sense that she can
say things about
people that make
them smart she
How Nice!
"Does the course
of their true love
run smooth?"
"Oh, yes there
are banks on both
sides!"
r-
r.-:
Not First
His
Love.
She I sup
pose you will
commit suicide. if
I refuse you?
He That has
been my custom.:
Her View.
Cholly Miss
Pepprey, how do
you pwonounce
"g-o-l-f?"
Miss Pepprey—
I pronounce it per
fectly Idiotic.
*1
Teacher: "Why?"
Patsy: "'Cause yer can't."
HE WAS RIGHT.
Teacher: "Now, Patsy, would it be proper to say •You can't learn me noth
ing'?"
Patsy: "Yis'm."
I
AN UNFORTUNATE SLIP.
i* yr
*t«
_.,„-^...Y...
mmm •,mi.
A-'
1' If nTTllH/IV
HOW THE DARKEYTOWNS WERE SCARED BY A ''STAR". DOUBLE.
Jefferson (Darkeytown'a champion base runner,, to himself): "I la 'dead out,' la I? Dia coon alnt ben practioln' fro
win' his (awlahl biff!)' shoo fo'—•
—"nuffin'l"
SI
THE OTTUMWA COURIER.
THE COLONEL AND THE TIGER.
The Colonel: "Hurry along, Jumbo, or that tiger will catch us.™ "Heavens! It's all over for us!" But he fell, spike first, right on to the tiger's backbone, ending hit career.
BABY'S GRASPING NATURE.
"Has the baby had the measles yet,
Mr. Pops?"
"Sh-sh! Don't speak so loud! When
ever he hears anything mentioned that
he has not got he cries for it."
SAFE BETTING.
A-
"I bet you dare not go over and speak
to that girl."
"No you bet I won't. That's my wife,
and I've just had a quarrel with her."
VERY HATEFUL.
Husband—You don't appear to like
Mrs. Sweetie.
Wife—The horrid thing! I hate her!
Next, time we meet I'll kiss her only
ica. and I shan't ask after her ha***1
A
A SPRINGTIME SUGGESTION.
RfpV
v* ,v i'
The Sparrow: "Plea»e, mister, may we build our nest in.that tree on your
head?""
V- V.•/••—'..
SUBMARINE SCORCHING.
The Swordfish: "Ah, ah, Mr. Neptunel Not so fast! I aues
\ioke in this wheel!"
|4,
A Spring Confes
sion.
were always fond
of flowers, were
you not?
Bob—Why, yes,
except during a
short Interval in
which I studied
botany.
Proaaio Love
making.
She—You are so
awkward in your
lovemaklng that
sometimes I am
suspicious.
He—Of what?
She That you
may be sincere.
His View of It.
"I
thought your
wife was economi
cal."
"Such Ignorance!
My dear man, no
woman Is ever
economical. She is
either extravagant
or stingy."
Suspicious.
Grace—But her
name, with the
date of her birth,
is in their family
Bible, is it not?
May Yes, but
the entry is in her
handwriting.
A Kind Assump
tion.
"Mabel Gilfeath
er looks pale this
evening."
"Probably she
put it on in a
hurry."
Not In It.
"Is her husband
in trade?"
"No he was
sold out by the
sheriff last week."
$
nut my
ll'St&i
a
&
ft
THE STEEPLECHASE.
"Won by a short head
GENIU8.
Mamma—Shame, shame! What tem
per!
Child—This ain't temper, ma—this la
temperament.
Attracted by Mu
sic.
Gladys—Has she
an attractlv«
voice?
The Lady—Poor fellow! He loves m«
so, he rwi't even go to school
IT MIGHT HELP.
"Will nothing stop your whistling
Willie?"
"You might try a piece of pie, ma."
HER PLACE. ).
Dolly—What place does Mrs. Rusher
hold in the Four Hundred?
Kitty—Oh, she's one of the nau#ita
Irk
Grace—She must
have. She said
while she was
singing a bug flew
down her throat.
Took the Hint.
"She said if any
man kissed her
without warning
she'd scream for
her father."
"What did you
do?"
"I warned her."
A Sprinter.
Jones That',
Smythe is pretty
fast, I hear.
must be. He'i
beaten every tail
or in town.
POOR FELLOW.
Jl