Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume], March 28, 1908, Image 6

About Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916

Image provided by: State Historical Society of Iowa

                
"Ah, that must be the car. They
said there was but one."
The Little
THE TRUTHFUL WAITER.
"Waiter, is this cheese imported?"
•'Yes, sir part of it."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, sir, the holes came from Switzerland, but just the substance was
*iade here."
SO VIVID.
Actor: "Well, how did the manager like your play?"
Author (enthusiastically): "Why, when I reached the
jpiujn joint scene I looked up from the manuscript and
:he man was actually getting drowsy."
WHY HE WAS NOT REWARDED.
Sam: "Sally Finch sa:o in ther spellin' bee thet ef I told her how ter
spell a word she would give me a kiss arter school."
Jake: "An' did yer tell her?"
Sam: "Of course I told her but, qoldern it. I told her wrong,"
Doubtful Compli
ment.
"Do you think
he will ever make
a writer?"
"Well, he has an
ear plenty large
enough to hold a
pencil."
Not In Her Line.
"His last re
quest was for her
to keep his grave
green."
"W doesn't
she do It?"
"She's no grass
widow.''
PIAYIII
L.
Different Mat
ter.
"What time does
he get down to
work in the morn
ing?"
"Well, he gets
down to the office
at 8:30, but he
doesn't get down
to work until the
boss begins stroll
ing around."
All of Them.
"It is a rare old
loom with which
her grandmother
use to weave
hair."
"Sort of a hair
loom."
a
xet
"Won by a neckt" "Whew! Luck for once anyhow!"
Came In His Line.
"He was turned
down by throe dif
ferent women all
in one week.'1
"I suppose the
poor fellow is bro
ken hearted."
"No, he doesn't
mind it. He is a
book agent, and
they turned him
down on his busi
ness proposition."
His Use.
"What in the
world are you
good for any
way?" said the
impatient young
matron to her flip
pant friend.
"Am I not a hor
rid example to
whom you can
point in dismay
when your son
gets big enough to
be lectured to?"
asked he earnest
ly.
All's Well That
Ends Well.
I "They say he's
quite wealthy."
"Yes,.and at one
time he was very
poor indeed. He
certainly has had
a eheckored ca
reer."
"Well, a check
ered career doesn't
hurt you if it's
only exchecji:ei
at
W 9
Forth Attractively
EXPLAINING ABNER'S UNCEREMONIOUS EXIT
f.
i&r
immmk
wn**»sk
Vs.
Two "soles" with but a single thought,
Two hearts that beat as one.
MR. ICHABOD HARDLUCK GOES TO THE COUNTRY TO VISIT FRIENDS.
'hX^
CONSOLATION.
4
"What's the matxer, eld i-hap?"
"Heaven help mt! I have ju3t spoken. She has refused me!"
''Wrll. you rnvsc'f have never fancied those siao whiskers."
IS
a
I
"I wonder how much farther it is." Conductor: "Brown's? Eight miles
back, an' dis is de las' car.'
Causes Them Pain
"Ho is so mad
ha ho fairly
foams at the
mouth."
"What is the
matter with him?"
"His name was
in the paper to
day."
"What harm is
in that?"
"Why, he is a
press agent, and it
is against the eth
ics of his profes
sion."
In the Rural Ex
change.
"The girls are
all jealous of the
telephone belle."
"Because she
a
rings?"
"No. They claim
that she sidetracks
all of the kisses
that pass over the
line and appropri
ates them to her
self at her lei
sure."
"Daily Lijfe^
Dougtful Honor.
"He just got out
of jail this morn
ing."
"Does he feel
disgraced?"
"No he claims
to be the latest
thing out."
Of Course.
"If Maybelle
was determined to
marry one of those
two men, why did
she choose that
little sawed off
fellow?"
"She probably
considered
the lesser of two
evil§."
Had Practice.
"Miss Blond is
so sweet she
knows how to
make every one at
ease."
"She ought to.
She's been at it a
long time."
&
Some Would Like
to Be.
"He is over in
Europe blacking
the boots of roy
alty."
Is. he a boot
black?"
"Sure."
"Didn't know but
what he might be
a New York tour
ist."
8
OVERHEARD AT THE CLUB.
If-iS-S-1'
'M).
I
De Blow (concluding his story): "I tell you, that was the proudest fli#«
ment of my life."
De Hitt: "Yes? Prouder than the many moments when you told about
it since?"
IT WAS THERE.
Wife (upstairs): "John, I left a scuttle of coai in th»
hall for you to bring up with you."
John: "Yes I've found it."
"Just my luck!"
HARD TO DECIDE.
0:
un/uiiH rfTr~min
Old Gentleman: "Now, I'd like to know what you are thinKing of."
Small Boy: "I wuz wonderin' whiob ef thsw, ':?.«? cinches I'd rather hav»
when I grows up."
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