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Newspaper Page Text
When she refused to marry me
She promised she would be my sister.
Yet she was mad as mad could he
When, with fraternal haste, I kissed
From the temperance headquarters
came the strains of "Water, Pure Wa
ter, Is the Drink For Me."
"That's right." said Weary Walker,
"but as long: as water has dem bacil
luses an' t'ings in it I fink I'll stick ter
de old booze."
THE BOY, THE PIN AND THE PIPER.
UP TO SCRATO"
"My child! My child! What has haoperied to you?"
"Why, mother, I stepped in the photographer's developer."
AN OLD SAYING.
"This," said the aeronaut as his ma
chine fell, "is what I should call run
ning a good thing into the ground."
MEANT TO BE COMFORTING.
Doctor—My de*»r madam, you can
quite put the thought out of your head
that you will be buried alive. Under
my treatment that would be impossi
"I see by the paper they expelled
Deacon Bug for humming In Church."
PAID FOR HIS JOKE.
"Why are Tacker and Guppy at
"They were at church. Guppy drop
ped a silver dollar down the back of
Tacker's neck as a joke, and Tacker
walked out of church with the dollar."
THE ONE THAT MADE A HIT.
First Gamin—Wot's yer prime fav'rlt
Second Ditto—Playin' hookey.
Sleuth, the able detective, A waxed horizontal twist In grizzly form he is Ci
with the assistance of his makes him Herr von Bims vamentojecoff, the sym
long mustaches, presents of the embassy. pathizer in nihilistic move-
When Wit Meets Wit, Then the Laugh
MAKING A MAN OF HIMSELF.
A JOB FINISHED.
Mrs. Bingo—Willie, you horrid boy,
yon promised me you wouldn't fight
Willie—I won't any more, ma. This
was the only kid in the neighborhood
I hadn't licked.
TOO MUCH TAB.
ij love another, Jack?"
"How can you talk that way, dearest? I've kissed you thirty times in the last two minutes.
"But if you loved me you wouldn't keep count."
Police Sergeant—Matilda, I guess
you can go, but don't let me see you
'Deed you won't, honey. I don't
git in no bad company moah dan onct."
THE DESIRED RESULT.
"I'll teach you how to lie to me,"
said the angry father as he applied
Ajid he did. After three more les
sons his son could lie easily without
being found out.
THE MUSTACHE AS A DISGUISE.
In this form we may seek
in him innocent Mr. Smith
of Kansas City.
SHE SHOWED HIM.
Bright Girl—You say you believe
there is a place for everything?
"Y-a-s," said the bore.
"Then why don't you go home?"
Working among the ba
nana venders he 13 Napoli
AFTER THE TREACLE MOON.
She—When you married me you said
you were well off.
He—i was, but I didn't know it.
Willie—This magazine states that
there are so many seasoned duelists
over in Germany. What is a "sea
His Pa—One that has been well pep
pered, my son.
Miss Landseer—How did you feel
when you found that the ship would
surely go down in ten minutes?
Mr. Maldemere—I didn't care. I had
given up ail before that.
The lower twist makes
him the colonel with a,
The upper twist shows
Sleuth as the Rov. Dr.
Recruiting Officer: "I'm afraid you are not heavy enough for a oavalry
man. We want men who can ride right over everything if necessary."
Applicant: "That's all right, cap. I've been a New York truck driver for
THE SPORTING BARBER.
"Ouch! That's the second time
you've cut me."
"Never mind, sir. You'll -win 2 cents
anyway. I deduct & cent every time
I cut a customer. Some of them go
out without paying me anything."
COURAGE OF HIS CONVICTIONS.
"Marriage has a civilizing effect on a
man. If not, why is it that an old
bachelor is so apt to b« cross and
"Because," replied the sage, "an old
bachelor is not afraid to say what he
"Is it ladylike for a woman to ride
horseback alpne in the park?"
"Yes, unless she insists on riding
like a gentleman."
MODERN VERSION OF "GITl"
Oldster—There's no reverence for agfl
Youngster—Why do you think so?
Oldster—I stood on the corner a mo
ment and an impudent lad said to me,
"Aviate along, grandpa you're block
ing the street."
And with a
just plain Hans