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STRIKING TALK. The Match—Why do you make light of me? The Man—Because I like to see you Hare up. & NOT IT. Bromo—A penny for your thoughts. Fizz—What do you take me for—a slot machine? ANNIE SORRY. Her skirts were like the snowdrift Till the sweeper struck the job Then they were splashed and splat tered Hence Annie Laurie's sob. HOW THEY ARE MADE Visitor—Is Mr. Palette in? Maid—No, sir. He's at the St. Vitus' dance hospital getting ideas for a new art poster. ALMOST PERSUADED. "Do you believe in theosophy?" "Well, I meet people frequently who, when they tell me their ages, make me believe they're on earth for the second time." Her Three Ages. "How old are you, my deal*?" "Eight at home, seven and a half when I go by train and six when I go aut with mamma." to rjB£3«9^ nh» NOVICE ON THE LINKS. Fair Player: "Well, I'm the most unlucky person that ever played golf] FiVst I struck Mr. Chumply in the mouth, then the ball struck Mr. Freshly in the eye, and now I've brokeri Mr. Softl/s best stick." Young Barclay Bowers v/ith his turnup nose, In his turned up bed turned up his toes, And. watched hy Ponto, souaht repose. 1 Looking Ahead. "Do you like my new blouse, Ju lie?" "Very much, madam. When you give it to me it won't be worn out at the elbows." Time Enough. "Did you give my goldfish fresh water, John?" "No, mum they a what I gave them yet." TYPEWRITER SUPPLIES. Salesman—Do you need any type writer supplies? Merchant—Yes send me four pounds of candy and a box of chewing gum. A CASE OF MAKEUP. Fanny—I can't quite make up my mind to accept your proposal. Felix—Mind and face—how different! THE CRY WAS MORT'!" "Isn't Miss Lofty a high stepper? "Rather. Ancestral trait, you know. Her grandfather's daily toil used to take him up the ladder." The man who interrupts your favor ite story to finish it himself. SAFE GOOD REASON. "He seems to feel hurt about some thing." "Naturally. He is the only man In town who hasn't been asked for his opinion about the north pole contro versy." The man who tries to converse with you while you are conducting impor tant 'negotiations through the tele phone. 'I !T) A COMPOSITE. "Is she dark or light? Both. Her complexion is dark and she's light headed." BEYOND HIM. "Well, madam, how do you feel tjo day?" asked the United States doctor. In my country, doctor, I am a marchioness," replied the patient. "Ah, I am sorry to hear it, as that is a complaint I am unable to cure. BURGLARY. lllllilf: The faithful hound descriea a light And barked, as he had no time to bite, Which woke young Barclay up in fright. PROMENADE OF SPRINGTIME JESTERS PEOPLE WHOM THE WORLD DOESN'T NEED. ri DEALER KNEW HIS BUSINESS. Customer—Take this rubbish back. I paid you for real ivory, and I find this is nothing but imitation stuff. Shopkeeper—I bought the brushes for real ivory, but the elephants have taken to wearing false tusks. AN APRIL IDYL The man who buttonholes you when you have three minutes to catch your train. ff (After sketch by "Dusty Rhodes.") APPLICANT FOR SITUATION. "No, mum, I don't know nothing about children. Up to now I've al ways worked in the best families), where they don't have none." TWO EVILS. "It must be awful to be caught with the goods on you. 'It's worse to be caught with the goods off you. I forgot three of my wife's errands yesterday." He gave a jump—the bed did, too, And hid young Barclay Jones from view, The dofl went UP. ifTn .What could ha do? '.it li'ilji'iAtei AT THE WAKE. O'Hara—She was a good wife to me, poor woman. Many's the word of good advice she gave me. McGoogan—Thrue it is. Many's the time Oi've heard her advise ye when Oi lived in the house beyant, a mile up the road, ochone. The man who has learned a few cheap sleight of hand tricks and takes coins from tHe bridge of your nose and packs of cards from your waistcoat pocket. Capacity Too Small. "Why, Willie, you don't seem to be enjoying your self." "No, uncle I'm having a miser able time. Auntie told me to eat as much as I wanted —and I can't!" Poor Mamma. "Daddy, Miss Pawcett at school says I'm descend ed from a mon key." "Not on my side, my dear." An Exception. "Sir, you are the biggest scoundrel that I know." "Sir, you forget yourself." FOOT OF THE CLASS. Teacher—What is an unclean spirit? Unkempt Scholar—Please, sir, it's one dat didn't go swimmin'. VERY EXTRAVAGANT. Young Man—Miss Lottscash, I can not live without you! She—When did you acquire such ex travagant habits? AN APRIL WASHOUT IN THE WIND. V\:/. SOCIETY NOTE. Ducks preparing to get in the swim. AT THE THEATER. Whyt "Look at that girl in the l?ox. she's only half dressed." "Never mind, my dear. I'll cover her with my glasses." ARCHITECTURAL, 55x24. A MOUSE TAIL. Mr. Mowze: "What's that?" Mr. R. O. Dent: "A mouse, trap. Stick your tail in and see if there ia any cheese." Mr. Mowze: "Great heavens! Then is something in there." Mr. R. O. Dent: "Hold on therel It's Roquefort or I'm a sinner.",. Mr. R. O. Dent: mense!" Mr. Mowze: "But what do I get?" This is im Mr. R. O. Dent: "You get the trap Some people are never satisfied." Mr. Thomas Katz "That's sol"