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Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, July 09, 1912, Image 6

Image and text provided by State Historical Society of Iowa

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn86061215/1912-07-09/ed-1/seq-6/

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Hlf ANNUAL REST.
"Going to the mountains again?"
"Yes, all but father. He says he must have a rest."
"Going a-fishing?"
"No. He's going to stay at home."
BEG your pardon," said the fifth
man among us in the smoking
compartment as he lighted a fresh
cigarette, "but can any of you tell me
what has become of all the phrenolo
gists that we used to hear of? I don't
meet them any more."
"I guess they've beat it," replied
:he reckless smoker.
"Sorry to hear that. I was very
much interested in the science. In
fact, I've had my own bumps felt of."
"And what were you told?"
"The real truth. Yes, sir, I was
told that I was modest and unassum­
I
&
THEIR SUBSTITUTE.
Yes, we bachelor girls often give a yachting party and never think of
taking a man along.
Well, well! Don't you ever get lonesome?
Oh, well. If we do we hug the shore.
COTS
A
$
of politics around," said the
anxious looking man to the com
placent man with a newspaper on
his knees in the street car.
"Plenty, sir—plenty," was the re
ply.
"Would you mind telling me how
you think it will turn out?"
"I think we will get there with both
feet."
"You do?"
"I certainly do. There is a wave
of enthusiasm that is carrying him
right along."
*n
•'?,.,.••'•• ." .V&V*
Vl' t!^W
HIS REGULAR FEE.
"Why, I didn't think he stood any
show at all."
"No? Well, you wait."
"I was told that the Weat was
against him."
"My dear man, the West is for him
bigger'n a house."
"But New England?"
"Whipping right into line. You
don't seem to be up to date on the
political situation?"
"No, I don't read so very much.
Do you think the election will be
close?"
SHE SURELY M^TST.
The Swain—If dis stunt don't win her, she must have a heart of dis
kere adamunt stuff.
ABOUT PHRENOLOGY.
ing too much so for my good.
It was said that I reverenced truth
and would not even exaggerate. Also,
that I had no confidence in myself
when women were around. Yes, the
Professor hit my case exactly."
"Excuse me, but what profession
or occupation do you follow?" asked
the fat man.
"Been a drummer and on the road
for thirty years, sir! Yes, sorry to
see phrenology go to the wall a* It
did!"
1
JOE KERR.
tf
CHE
ANOTfcPORVOU
Sl&, FROM A
YOUNG LADY
WANTb YOU
TO MEET HfR
5
)H
4,
'"V 1
OTxtnrwA cotmiEB,
old Dakota settler pressed ine
so hard to go home with him
that I consented. He hadn't said
anything about his family, and my
surprise was great when six strapping
big girls came galloping down to the
gate to meet us. It was summer time,
and all were bareheaded and bare
footed. They took the mules and
wagon off to the barn, and as we sat
down on the veranda the father
queried:
"You hain't seen a more like.y
drove of gals in this State, I guess?"
"No. Are they all your own?"
"Every blame one, sir."
"All of them appear to be big
enough to get married oft."
"Plenty old 'nufC, but that hain't the
program."
I CAN MEET HER, BUT
I CAN'T MEET THE
NOTEr LfcT IT GO TO
PROTEST. OH IT'5
FROM GRACE THEN
GET THREE DAYS
A NOTfc, ONfcDAV. CAFTk TO FROft
A ami DID AD0R£
TKEr LAST Tint THAT 1 ?ALLtt ON KB*
OF QRACE
1
HSR DAD SAID "CALL HO riORgr^
I'LL HURRY TO SEE HER AND |F NONE OF
HEP FAMILY SEES HE:R, BY CAESAR1
I'LL SIEZE- HER AND HOG HER I'LL
PROPOSE TKAT Wfc FLY TO THE—
MOUNTAINS OF SOME DISTANT CLIME'
AND CLIMB AND CLIMB AND
CLIMB
r'
ix,
x^\
Vltrr
"No sir. He will have a thun
dering majority. No, there won't be
any dispute as to the election. The
country has made up Its mind."
The anxious-looking man pondered
for a moment and then said:
"Come to think of it, you have men
tioned no names. You have asserted
that 'he' would get there."
"And 'he' certainly will."
"But do you refer to Taft or Roose
velt?"
"My dear man, I am a lawyer, and
my regular fee for answering that
question is 12 5. Do you wish it an
swered?"
"No, by thunder!" exclaimed the
other. "I can go to a clairvoyant and
get an answer for fifty cents!"
JOE KERR.
HIS PRACTICE.
I want to engage you to look after
my practice while I'm on vacation.
But I'm Just out of college, doctor.
Have had little experience.
That's all right, my boy. My prac
tice, while large, Includes very few
people who are actually 11L
iif. '•'-IWPjjlJ.jlB||i|B8--' '"I- ifMPipif
i/MGg" OK FUN
THE GIRLS WORKED.
"Then there's a program to it, eh?"
"For sure. Stranger, what do you
think I was worth when I struck
these diggings twelve years ago? Jest
one span of old mules, an old wagon
and 40 cents in cash. What am I
worth today? Well, you couldn't
buy me out short of $15,000."
"You must be a hustler at farm
ing," I said.
"Nothin" of the sort, I hain't no
hustler, and crops have been mighty
poor. It's them six gals as has did
it all for me, as they is still a-doin'."
"You don't mean that they work the
farm?"
"No, sir. I work on the farm, and
they work on the feelings of the men
folks around here. Every single one
THt NOT$ fcORfc INT&RWT BfcCftOS£- HY HOP5HATTiR£D UhEN ISJW
IT lNTE BfcST£D
AND $01 RAN TO G-RAC£S Sibt- AND NOW I'M IN A PICK
It, 'CAUSfc
3fr6tDt MYSHI1 WITH GL££— I CANTAL00P".6KtaAID.
THE TOILER.
Swift—Where are you going to
spend your vacation?
Smith—I'm not going to.
Swift—Huh?
Smith—I just earn my vacation—
my family spends it.
In Time to Come.
Suddenly the great game in the
summer of 1920 stopped.
"What's the trouble?" shouted the
grand stand. "Let the game go on!"
"Make them play!" thundered the
bleachers. "Soak the umpire!"
Just then the manager came out
and held up his hand.
"Patience, gentlemen, patience!
The game will go on just as soon as
the fly cops can chase that fleet of
airships from over the diamond. Those
on them are catching the balls as fast
as they are batted upward."
And then the fly cops began to fly
from every direction.
SKY VIEW.
Wlfey—There go the Browns in
their new monoplane!
Hubby—Are you sure it's the
Browns?
Wifey—Of course I am. I'd know
the top of hier hat anywhere.
1W& GIRL I HOP*D TO WfcD,
riiit,iri.y,...!JL,.ijH!-i,.»twjijii.,ii!.i4iy!'-v
of 'em has had a breach-of-promise
case, and the oross-eyed one bw had
two and la gittln' ready to institoot a
third. All of 'em has got verdicts or
settled their aw, and this fam'ly Is
walkin' right into richness. The county
is purty well worked out, however,
and I may sell out and strike another
locality. Be you a married man?"
"I am."
"Shoo! I got it you was single.
The gals will be disappointed, but
we'll make you to home jest the same.
Come in and meet up with the old
woman. She's also got a lawsuit—suin'
a feller for liftln' his hat to her as
he drove by, and we shan't take
nothin' less'n $500 in cash to settle!"
AH CALL THIS EVENING BETWEtN
EtQrHT O'CLOCK I WILL BE ALONE IF
I AM NOT ALONE. ,YOU CAN MAKE"
ME A LOAN t* YOU LOAN SOME, I
WON'T BE- SO LONESOME" I'LL Be
JOE KERR.
ALONE-SOME" WITH
SYOU IF YOU'LL
/Vs
LOAM
SOME
THfr DfcW WAS FALLiW* WHfcN I GOT
THAT I*OT£ FROTI PRETTY GRACfr
I THOUGHT A NOT* AS FAILING DEW
EUT SUCrt WAS NOT THfr- CAS£r~
ClcantaloopTY
(lets elope-
sum
TO YOUR LONE
SOME GRACE-"
NICE LETTER*
An Interrupted Message.
INmillinerydrummer"I
working a certain Kansas town,"
said the tot a Chicago
house, formed the
acquaintance of an angel in a retail
store. It was no flirtation on my part.
I was head over heels in )ove. I had
to go to another village twelve miles
away, and while there I stepped into
a grocery to telephone to. my love and
assure her that I was still faithful.
There was no booth and all could
hear what was said. I had just got
my messages started when I was
taken by the back of the neck
and run outdoors and thrown off the
platform. The man who did it was a
farmer, and I was getting ready to go
for him when the grocer seised me
by the arm and whispered:
'Don't raise no fuss! It's simply
a curious coincidence.'
'But he assaulted me!'
'I know, but you can't help co
incidences.'
'Blast your coincidence! What Is
it?'
'Why, the man who gave you the
hump happens to be the father of
your angel over at Sodtown!'
JOE KERR.
BETWEEN
Rambo—A political party la sum
Sambo—Why so?
Rambo—De man dat makes de
is most promotious of ha^mony^^.!
IUI. AIMMTOU LULIU HUUHWHW
I'Muwwvc
Mt
DARKIES.
pin* like de ch'uch choir.
mos' noise in it ain't alius de one dat
BRIGHT EYES.
Jack—Ah, Irene, your eyes are like the orbs of night.
Irene—How old fashioned! Fred always compares mine to the lamp*
on his touring car.
TELLING THE TRUTH.
Am I the only girl you ever loved?
I wouldn't want to say just that, but you are the only one I
my 1911 vacation.
CUT 'EM SMALL.
"Shall we give samples of cloth to ladies who are thinking of
ing bathing costumes?"
"I guess so but cut 'em small. We don't want 'em to use the sample*
to make the suit."
A PISH STORY.
"Don't you know that flshing is for
bidden in this pond?"
"I'm not fishing I'm just teaching
my worms to swim."

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