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Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, July 30, 1912, Image 6

Image and text provided by State Historical Society of Iowa

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn86061215/1912-07-30/ed-1/seq-6/

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BQEAKtO I
LIKE-TO
'MASH* ON
THEr 0°CKS:
MYSfcLF-
I HAP A DOUIAPl ANb AKA^
AJNt VEtEV SALL.OW CHEEKS.
50/FQR riY KEAlJTK I WENT AVAY
TO SPEND A COUPLE WEEKS.
going on your vacation last
month you took along a canoe,"
said the lawyer to the insurance
man.
"I—I did," was the reply with some
thing like a groan.
"You were probably afloat a good
•hare of the t|me?"
No reply in words, but another
groan.
"Did you find it much handier than
punt?"
"Oh, Lord!" was exclaimed.
"What's the matter—cilic
"No—the canoe. Say—say—"
"Well?"
"After taking four days to make up
my mind, I got into the blamed thing.
I had the help of four men."
"And—and—''
7
A PLUNGE INTO THE PROSAIC.
Evelyn—See the beautiful sunset colors on the water.
George (somewhat near-sighted)—Fm glad to know what they are. I
bought the bathing suits had faded.
1
nnnnr
NO MISREPRESENTATION.
Summer Boarder—Whafa the cause of the scarcity of fresh corn and
tomatoes around here?
Farmer—We advertised home oookln', didn't we?
Summer Boarder—Ytes.
Farmer—Wall, we're giving you canned vegetables, same as you're used to.
H°W THE* BBfcAKfcDS
[DA5H ON Thfc B°CK5!
A HfcAPT-
HE TOOK ONE.
"They rolled me on a barrel and
pumped me out. They estimated it
at a barrel and a half of lake water.
Also estimated that I was at the bot
tom of the lake for two minutes."
"But you were not discouraged?"
"No. ^The next time I got all of a
rod from shore before she turned
turtle. Two barrels of water this
time."
"Gaining on it, eh?"
"Slightly. The third time—."
"Yes? You are a brave man."
"The third time, I suppose she
turned turtle again."
"You suppose. Dont you know?'
"No, I don't."
"That's funny."
"But I can't help it. When I oame
?'"3H'.»:
v^
SAME
REiAL
1
O A O
farmhouse, though you vowed
last year you'd never return.
Same farmer with his genial
smile.
Same scenery In front (One dead
oak tree.)
Same orchard in rear. (Two dead
apple trees.)
T*il
^Jorai
COULDN'T BE WORSE.
First Fan—Whom do you consider
the fcest pitcher, Blnks or Dinks?
Second Fan—Dinks.
First Fan—But you never saw Dinks
pitch, did you?
Second Fan—No, but I've been
watching Blnks for the last ten
minutes.
I COULD NfcVfcB.
Be BoQtD WALK
ING ON TH6
BPARDWALK
WITH YOU
'TWAS JV51 ttY LUCK TOKKT AtHRt.-
She
KANDSOKiT.TOO.I THINK-
I KN5U PIY DOLLAR AND A KALF—
VIO0U SOON £.&• OH
V."'
TH&
to .for the third time my wife had
given a man $20 to accept the canoe,
had settled the hotel bill and had me
home on a special train, and I was
able to recognize her and the baby.
Oh, yes, I took the canoe along—of
course 1 took a canoe."
i?
1
iVl 9t A. UUU ItlJbiK,
PAGE
ONLY ONE CHANGE.
Same babbling brook,
babbled.)
Same big bullfrog,
maybe.)
BUNK.
JOE KERR.
A POOR LOVER.
-Ah, he keeps the tryst, but I do wish he'd keep awake.
MISTAKES WILL HAPPEN.
Hubby—This blueberry pie looks queer, dear.
Wifey—Oh, honey, maybe I put too much bluing in the dough
'., *,"'» "V-^
(Never
(As near as
Same whippoorwllls. (Reasonable
deductions for wear and tear.)
Same old crow. (Somewhathoarser.)
Same beds. (Same Inhabitants.)
Same fried pork. (Barrel still
holds out.)
Same ooffee and tea. (Nothing gets
away.)
Same mother's pies. (Anybody's
mother—any old pies.)
Same lake. (Sea dictionary as to
"pond.")
Same flsh. (See dictionary as to
"tadpoles.")
Same shady nooks. (On the next
farm.)
Same fresh eggs. (They never grow
weary.)
Same "Our Own Cows." (Under
chattel mortgage.)
Same sunrise. (She starts with a
crank.)
Same sunset. (Tired out.)
Same shady lawn. (Shaded by a
clothesline.)
Same mountains in the distance.
(Only 26 away.)
Same game in season. (After you've
gone home.)
Same no mosquitoes.* (In the win
ter.
Same every guest made to feel at
home. (With two mortgages on it.)
Same "the comfort of our guests is
our care." (Cow-bells, tree toads,
barking dogs, etc.)
Oh, by the way, there is a change
LtT'5 TAKE A
3TR°LL ON THE")
BOARDWALK..
I O O
TIDE,SO THEY
GOT UNTIED
JUST WHAT HE NEEDED.
Daisy—You remember that gentle
man you introduced me to at the re
ception last night?
Kitty—Yes.
Daisy—After hearing me sing he
said he would give anything if he had
my voice.
Kitty—Well, I don't doubt it. He
Is an auctioneer.
Kvoh
3 1 9 1 2
SPEAKING OF TIDE-.
I KNOW A COUPLE
that ot tied
AT HIGH TIDE
HIS F0ftTUNt5
WERP AT LOU
after alL Owing to the high cost of
living, It is now |9 er where it used
to be 97. No checks cashed.
IT DIDN'T COST A CfiNT lO SPOON
50, WK6N TH& TtDBr WAS 1,0V,
U6 5kT UPON TKEt ROCKS AND TKLKKJ
A COUP1.6 HOURS OR- SO.
CHERE
was a man on the street
car who looked so full of mental
trouble that he attracted the at
tention of several other passengers,
and one of them finally made bold to
address him with:
"Excuse me, but I trust you have
not suffered a misfortune?"
"It may prove to be one, and it may
not," was the reply.
"Then it's a case of sickness and the
doctor can't say how it will termi
nate
"No, no sickness."
"Then a business trouble?"
"Well, hardly business."
"The political situation is causing
more or less disquiet among business
men."
"I presume so, but I am not a busi
ness man. What I am worrying about
is somewhat connected with politics."
"Ah, I see."
"A question has come up to be de
cided. I have thought It over for a
month or so, and can't determine
what to do."
"If I can be of any assistance—"
"Well, It was about Roosevelt."
ANOTHER BOLT.
"What did your wife say when she
saw you dance three times with that
pretty young woman at the lawn
party?"
"Nothing* She just bolted
party.
~W' JTWWWWW-Winr-''' ^'"'W J" W
ir x,:^
1
JOB KERR.
A COSTLY DEPENDENT.
"Well, madam?"
"The allowanoe my husband makes
me Isn't enough."
"But, madam, we decided it was
ample for your support and the sup
port of the children."
"Yes, I know, judge, but I'll need
as much more for the support of the
automobile."
the
W1w "i"11**'"*?W'Witt'upiXfWjp
fw?
O
1
i, T'^%
I NtVER
DREAMED
TIDE WAS
COMING IN
had to
HARD TO DECIDE.
"Ah, now we have it. Perhaps you
believed he would be nominated at
Chicago?"
"I believed it and bet live dollars
on it."
"And lost the bet, of course. Yes,
lost the bet, but what Is the question
at stake?"
1M
1
A CONSIDERATION.
Has Frank decided which college to go to?
Not yet. He's considering which college colors he'd look beat In*
THE TIDE? CfiMElKANt)5TRRNDH)04.
AND WET Tfi£ ONI.V SUtT I HRfi,
VfHCCH TtAPfi n£r V^RV $OR£rr
CERTAIN SIGN.
Papa Skeeter—Do you think Harold Skeeter's Intentions are serlowf
Mamma Skeeter—Sure. Every time he calls on daughter they turn
the fireflies.
HILE they waited on the corner
for their car the alderman in
quired of the Insurance man:
"I suppose you know a good many
lawyers?"
"Yes, quite a number," was the
I reply.
"Can you recommend one that won't
sell me out?"
"I don't know of one that would do
such a thing."
"I have none too much confidence in
them, but I'll take your word for It."
"Got a suit on hand, eh?"
"I have. You have probably seen
how the 'Daily Kick' has pitched into
me?"
"Yes, it's" been rather rough on you."
"It's gone beyond that. Seen a copy
this morning?"
"Hadn't timew to read i*.
abuse?"
01
The Other Side.
More
t/^r 7Irf 1£«,
iiu j.v v*^*«Lr
T&'i1^
BECAREF0LI40W.I
I WOULDN'T GE-T
THIS BATHING
60IT WET fOB TW
WORLD. IF IT SHOULD
*W
y*
SHRINK. I WOULD
ALSO SHRINK
FROM MEET­
ING MY FRIENDS WHEN,
WE GET ASHORE"
THAT'S ASHORE THIWr,
ob.
sum
SKORfirr
"I bet with a man named
There were no witnesses.
"No?"
"And now shall I call him liar
and deny there was any bet, or shall
I go Into bankruptcy and settle for
seven or eight cents on the dollar!"
I
2
JOB KERR.
"It charges me with grafting oo tba
Ninth street sewer. The limit has
been reached. I must sue for libel
and damages. I must think of my
family. What lawyer do You Noom*
mend?"
"Not any, as yet:. Yon are rlgbt In
thinking of your family. Think for a
day or two more before beginning a
suit."
"Um!"
"In fact, think for a week or two
more."
"Um! For what reasonV
"In case of a suit the "Dally Kick'
may be able to prove its charges, and
then what about yoar family?**
"Um! Um!" .coughed the alderma%
and there was silence for a moment
before he added:
"What d® you
Presidential ticket
lUiftiriili
*.4!:
I
.v
-:4f
"i
think or thtrfl
in^the fleMr
JOB KJiilllb

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