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Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, July 06, 1915, Image 6

Image and text provided by State Historical Society of Iowa

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn86061215/1915-07-06/ed-1/seq-6/

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has vanished forever, but it was
great fun while it lasted.
We tuihbled ,out of bed at day
break. and cheered for Washington.
We flred the old cannon or anvil at
aunrlfre, and cheered for the Continen
tal donsress.
Then the Stars and Stripes were
hoisted to the top of the hickory pole
and .we hurrahed for'General Jack
son.
After breakfast the Marshal of the
Day, mounted on his old white mare
and having a red sash tied around
his middle and a cockade in his hat,
appeared and rode up and down the
streets, fallowed by a crowd of admir
ing ainall boys.
Then, a couple of hours were de
voted to lemonade, root-beer, ginger
bread, and the way we licked them at
Yorktown.
Promptly at one o'clock the mili
tary company turned out. They were
eleven strong, and they looked like
conquerors. They right-faced and they
left-faoed, and they marched off, fol
lowed by the plaudits of the assem
bled thousands.
THE OLD-FASHIONED FOURTH OF JULY.
"ie dnwn of the Fourth—the old annual story—
.e nervous man's dread and the small boys glory.
*. ?i- eaut is yet gray when all the land rumbles,
.o.J the
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car.ncn pops and the big cannon grumbles
A»id ilie torrid sun creeps through a blue haze of powder,
And the torpedoes snap and the cannons boom louder—
On the Fourth of July—
The old-fashlcn'ed Fourth of July!
SELFISHNESS.
•j First Girl tin crush at Fourth of July parade)—Mercy! What a dreadful
'crowd! I wish now I'd stayed at home, don't you?»
Second Girl—Certainly not but I wish to goodness those others had.
The Old-Time FourtH
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Then the fire-company turned out
and squirted water over Deacon Hemp
stead's barn, and there was a feeling
in every bosom that our town was
safe from a Chicago Are.
There was a march to the grove.
"50 vre DOKPErD,
TWe "TtrAi IN
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|gND TMERE WA* ORATORX
There was oratory. There was cheer
ing for everything and everybody.
At night there was fireworks. More
than two dozen' skyrockets and Ro
man candles sailed into the darkness,
and ten bunches of firecrackers were
put under an empty barrel and lighted
at once.
When midnight came the weary pa
triots retired to their slumbers, and
next morning the only man or boy
who hadn't a sore throat, burned fin
gers, or a black eye was the man or
boy in some other town not patriotic
enough to celebrate the- day.
OTTCNRWA COURIER
Ar-v-^ijnr
was the Mayor of a small town
a few miles away who dropped
into the office of a Pittsburgh
lawyer to say:
"We are going to have a wide-open
Fourth of July In our town, and we
want a bang-up oration. Have you
got one?"
"My dear sir," replied the lawyer,
"I have got no less than seven, and
wherever they have been delivered
they have brought out wild enthusi
asm. I will read you No. 1."
"Hold on a minute," said the Mayor,
"does No. 1 say anything about the
tea being thrown overboard in Boston
harbor?"
"Of course, that is a strong point."
"It isn't worth shucks! We have
heard it twenty times, and it's got
to be old tea with us. Does No. 2
say anything about the Mayflower?"
"Certainly," replied the lawyer.
"Most Fourth of July orations start
in there."
4
LESSONS IN FRACTIONS.
Foreigner—What us ze glorious
Fourth?
Father—That is the proportion left
of Willie after It la over.
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GONE.
He says his entire fortune's gone up In smoke.
Aw! I know how dat wus\ He spent almost seven cents fer firecrackers.
The Kind Wanted
"It won't start in there in our town
this year. The old craft is played out.
How's No. 3 on Bunker Hill?"
"Great, sir—great!"
I "But we don't .want it. It wasn't
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much of a scrap, anyhow. Does No. 4
tell about the sufferings at Valley
Forge
"Most surely, sir, and that touches
every heart in the crowd."
"But our hearts won't be touched by
it," said the Mayor.
"But what sort of a Fourth of July
orations do you want?" asked the law
yer.
"Why, one about boat-racing, base
ball, football, and if you could work
in a scrap or two, our people would
rise up on their hindlegs and cheer
for two minutes. I guess you haven't
got anything of the sort, and I'll move
on and find a more up-to-date man."
And as the lawyer watched him out
of the office he said to himself:
"And we call our flag Old Glory!"
5 3
Willie's Nemesis
tfe
ULJLJ_FE
Patriotic Preparations
WJ ERE is money, my boy, to go down
1% to the store
Some bunches of crackers to
buy.
And rockets and pinwheels and maybe
balloons,
For tomorrow's the Fourth of July.
And the crackers will bang with a
beautiful noise.
And the rockets will burst overhead.
And fall in a glorious fountain of fire
Or stars of blue, yellow and red.
IP
OR T0ncmR0N4's ~mer
FOU*»-"T^ OF 30^
You can get some torpedoes to add to
the din
And perhaps a toy pistol as well.
With plenty of cartridges, blanks to
be used,
The smoke and the racket to swell.
And do not forget on your way to
stop in
At the drug store and get a supply
Of arnica, court plaster, lotions and
lint,
For tomorrow's the Fourth of July.
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TALCUM.
"Earlie was badly burned this morning. He has powder all over hto
face."
"He must look more than ever like his mother.
REMEMBER IT'S THE FOURTH.
"Willie While y'er waiting for Sis, try one of Dad's 2 Be. Perfected.
me light it for youse.
THE SMALL FIRECRACKER.
Co your worst, small flrecracke*.
Sputter in your spiteful glee
They have put your noisy brother®
Safely under lock and key.
A NATURAL MISCONSTRUCTION.
Johnny—Are you going to fire off crackers between your teeth. Mr.
Primrose
Mr Primrose—No, Johnny I'm going to celebrate the glorious anniver
sary by delivering an oration% Whatever put such a foolish idea in your
Johnny—I hear pa say you ware solng to shoot oft your mouth.
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