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THE LAMAR REGISTER.
VOLUME IV. We are here with our usual large stoch. STOVES. Ry the Thousand, Light and Heavy Wagons, Farm and Freight Wakens, Oren and Top Buggies. Road Carts. Plows of all kinds, Harrows, Farm Machinery, Windmills. Wooden and Iron Pumps. Ho such stock io south-east Colorado, as you will IT'in.ci in tliis Store A LARGE AND COMPLETE ASSORTMENT OF ALL Kinds ot Garden and Field Seeds. GROCERIES ISV THE qm. e m&m Prices Tlaa/t Paralize all Competition. jgltctt 1 Jleawg gsmlmn*, Builders Material A Specialty. M. L. Swift & Co. Vain Sreet. * * LAMAR, COLORADO. LAM AH, COLORADO, SATURDAY, NO A 16, 1889; Items of Interest. It is a well established tact that do I railroad in this country has finer equipment in all of its branches than the Wabash Line. It is always in the van in any improvement. Its sleeping cars are the most perfect 1 traveling conveyances known. The seats have becen widened and fitted with high cushioned backs making 1 them as comfortable as an easy chair. And just think of it, electric bells by which the porter can be summoned , lat any hour. Then on the lines be-1 tween St. Louis and Chicago, St.! Louis and Kansas City and Chicago) 'ami Detroit are run the popular But-1 J fet Boudoir or Compartment Sleep-! ing car w hich instead of the ordinary j berths, are divided in state rooms | the doors <.f which can be cloned and : locked, offordtng passengers all the priva.' ) ><f their own homes. Superb* ; ly finished they are the easiest riding cars known, and no geater charge for berths than in regular sleeping cars. Dining car* par-excellence, none j better anywhere and equal to any I first r! i- • hotel in the laud. Chair ! cars seat* free, of the latest and most approved patterns. Through sleep ers between Denver and St. Louis, Chicago ai d St. Louis, St. Louis and Tol» do, Chicago and Quiucy, Chiea- Igo and Detroit, Kansas City and Chicago, solid veslibuled trains first .class in all their appointments and ; always on time. AS EXQUISITE ENGRAVING. «.'a u-w :.y to the Garden of the Gods, Colorado »Jtl» view of m« '.- Peak In the Middle Distance. A very cosily and elegant steel plate engraving lias ju>t been exe cuted in the highest style of the art. n.|n. s of which from a limited (sup ply, are now ready for delivery, ami' will be vent to any part of the world on receipt of 25 cents each, hi stamps j ..I- coin. The noble grandeur of the ! “hntr.ince” to the **Gardcn of the i God.-*’ is the fivoriie theme of poet j and painter. The outer parapets arc • of pure white, while the interior eol-! unins spring boldly from the plain 1 to a height of ;>SO feet—the whole suggesting the ruins of a vast temple. These towering walls from a majestic frame work for the snow capped summit of Pike’s Peak which reveals itself among the clouds in the far [ distance. To secure an early copy i of this admirable work of art, address | John Sehastia.v, Gen. Tk’t & Pass Agent, (’uo Aiio, li.M k Island & Pacific Uv. enclosing the price, 25 . i cents. Free Reclining-chair cars to Pueblo, Colorado Springs and Denver. Tlie “Santa Fe Route” in now run i i»inir free reclining-chair cars be- j j tween Kum*ns City and Denver on] daily lining leaving Kansas City at i 11:1*0 a in., and Denver al 1:20 p. in. These cars are entirely new, and I . have been Inult expressly for this i train, are fitted with all the modern i appliances for both conveniences and . safety, and are unequaled bv any i ; cars run between these points here tofore. No line can offer you better accommodations than the old reliable ! “Santa Fe Houle.’* For any information Cesired re-1 i garding rates, through car aecomtno-; ilations, time of arrival and departure !of trains »fcc., call ° n any agent of! the Santa F. , or address. GEO. T. NICHOLSON, G P. A T. A., A. T. ASK. R. R., Topeka, Kansas. The regular quarterly examination lof teachers for certificates will be ! held in Lamar on Friday and Sutur day November 29th and 30th, 1889. i Teachers holding temporary certifi • cates will appear at that time for a complete examination as required by law. F. K. luwrx, 21 tf. Co. Supt. Quite an exciting horse race is on ' tapis at Upper Vegas in the early ! part of next month. Juan Marline/. | matches his fast horse against a racer ifrom the Pecos country. Stakes, eleven cows and calves. It is prob able the best horse will v in.—Las ! Vegas Optic. CARL DUNDEER. Ho Bogina to Understand America a. Littlo Better. | From the Detroit Free Press. “Ilello, Mr. Dunder! I thought you had hung yourself or gone hack to Germany, saluted Sergeant Ben <lall, as Carl Dunder entered the Woodbridge street station. “Surgeant, I vhas pooty near all right now, was the reply. I under stands all about her much petter ash I did. That’s good. Anything new? Veil, not so werry mooch. I learn to understand America a leedle more eafery day. I vhas pooty green ven I lirst come oafer here, eh? I should remark! Eaferybody makes some fools of me all nor time, and I vas discour aged. I vhas hayseeds, eh? Yes, you were. Und more ash 1,000,000 flies vhas on me me? “Yes. Und I vhas so green dot cows like to eat me oop? Exactly. Veil, dot makes me laugh vhas I think about her, hut iny eye-teeth vhas all cut off now. I vhas on to ill der games now. I see. A feller comes into my placo two dayß ago to make me his wictim. I spotted him so queek you can’t wink. He says he likes to show me a new puzzle. It vhas called: ‘Now you see him und now you doau’ ser. He takes der shack of (spades, der ace of hearts und der queen of clubs und throws ’em all around und den likes to bet me I can’t pick out dot shack. I pick him out fife times right off, und dot feller says I vhas lightning. Bui you didn’t bet? t Oh, no. ! It was lucky you didu’t. That | puzzle, as you call it, is the old three | card monte business. I warned you about that a year ago. | Oh, he doan’ catch me on dot. If ; he belief I vhas a sucker he finds out deefereot. But I yhas a leedle mix ed oop, und I like you to oxplain. ! All right—what is it? In about two hours later an oldc man mit a white beard comes in und 'ays vhas I Carl Dunder. I vhas. 1 vhas werry glad to see you, Mr. Dnn -1 der. I hear aboudt you in Toledo, ; Cincinnati und Chicago. Eafery body says you vhas shas sharp as some razors. Did some young man I come in here mit a puzze? He drd. Did he beat you? Not much! Veil, dot vhas all right. He vhas a sharp er, und if he didn’t heat you dot makes me laugh—lift! ha! ha! And I suppose you set up the beer? 1 queried the sergeant. Veil, if he vhas ray frendt I like !to use him nice, you know. Pooty soon he sets down und pulls out three : cords und says he oxplain dot puzzle. lie throws ’em so und so and so, und , don tells me I can’t pick out der shack of spades. I put my finger lon dot shack of spades. I put my | finger on dot shack, und dodt man says I vas shain lightning, j And you tried it again, of course? Yes, I pick dot shock oudt four times. j And then—? ‘ Veil, next time ho says ho likes to i to bet nic *5, und I took him oop so I queek as wink. And it wasn’t the jack? ! No; he vhas der ace! I like you to , j oxplain how ho vhas mixed oop like , | dot? For answer the sergeant took Mr. . Dunder by the hand and led him to ' the door and dropped him off the 1 step and pointed to the river. llow you mean? Go and jump in. Vahs I some haystack? , Yes—a dozen of them! Und I vhas swindled again? The worst way. '' Uni! Veil good-by! If somebody 1 drags oop my body I like der papers ’ to say I vhas poor but honest, und dot I died trying to understand how s she vhas in America. Oldt frendt, farewell. Wo extract the following items from the last issue of The Arizana Kicker: They Will Know More.—A con:- bioalion, calling itself the Acme Opera company of Chicago, gave a "how of some sort at Reynold’s hall last Friday night. No tree tickets were sent to this office, and when we -H*nt our half breed roller boy over to the manager with a note asking him why in Texas he had neglected such an important duty, he returned word that The Kicker could kick and bo hanged to it. Wo therefore kicked. We hired Cooper’s hall for the same night, gave a free dance, and the Acme Opera company open ed to an audience compsed of the landlord’s cross-eyed boy and two old half breeds who thought some body was to be scalped. There’s nothing mean about us. We simply want what is due to the profession, and what has been grant ed it from time immemorial. When an amusement combination sets out to ignor us and make us sing small, somebody will certainly hear some thing drop before getting to the top of the hill. Not Saying a Word.—Many of our subscribers are askiug why The Kicker has nothing to say in favor of either of the local tickets now in the field. There are two reasons. First, because we were not nomi nated on either thicket; and, second ly, because a bigger gang of rascals w« re never up for office. We want ed to run for mayor. It is no use being over modest about such tilings. We are better fitted tor the position than any other man in town. The office should have been glad to seek us. It didn’t do so, and so we sought it. We should have filled the posi lion with credit to all, but the gangs wanted a tool, ami so they nominated Roc Burrows and Hank Jones to head the two tickets. Neither of these men will ever servo. Within one mouth we will have both of them h ick at Joliet to serve out their un expired sentences. We have been warned that we must come out and supposrt one ticket or the other, or go to the wall. Begin your wall business, gentlemen as soon as you please. When you down us you have got to beat a grand aggregation of newspaper, grocery, feed store, harness shop, butcher shop and knitting factory, all under one roof, presided over by one head, and each doing a fino bus iness. Not Just Yet.—The Tom Cat Sil ver Mining company sent us a certiti | cate of stock of the face value of I > >OO last week and asked us to edi j torially mention the fact that the I mine would prove one of the great j est bonanzas of the a are for investors, j We can’t conscientiously do it yet. We want to wait awhile and see ! whether we arc to be assessed on the j stock or not, and we’d l.ke to hear of ; some one who has received a divi dend. We used to take everything in silver stock that came along, and puff up their old swindles without stint, but we have made a change of base in this respect. We found that a company which would beat the public would also beat us. They Took Exception.—Tall Bill, of the Gem Saloon; Ohio George, of ' the Arcade Poker Rooms, and Love ! ly Jim, of the Red Front Sink of In iquity, took exception to our kindly remark in last week’s issue that whisky and poker wore trying to run the town, and they laid for us ac coidiogly. On Friday afternoon we were examining the carcas of a big jackass rabbit killed over in the gulch by Sam Andrews, and on ex hibition in front of Davises’ butcher shop, when the three worthies above named approached and signified their intention of cooking our goose. We had them covered by our guu m five seconds, and we held them in lino with hands up for full five minutes NUMBER 23. as ar, exhibition. When they had been disarmed we allowed them to sneak away. We don’t claim to own this town, and we never set out to run it, but we propose to talk in plain English on all subjects and guard the public interests to the best of our ability. If the three parties named do not subside at once, we shall encourage a crowd to turn out with a rope suiue frosty evening and pull their heads chuck up against a limb. He Still Lives.—A Nebraska sub scriber writes to inquire if there is any other weekly published in this burg. There is. We have a ehattle mort gage on everything but the red head ed, cross eyed, lop shouldered coyote who edits it, and can closo him up at any minute; but we let him run on in order to keep him off the town. We rather like his audacity as well. Ho prints 180 copies, none of which can be read on account of the poor press work, and yet ho claims the largest circulation in the known world. He knows we own the very chair he sits in, but j'et he devotes four columus each week to abusing us personally. Yes he still lives, poor old unfor tunate. But we are going to give biin rope for the winter. If he was bounced out he might have to run for the legislature.—Detroit Free Press. The Habit of Saving. The number of people who have not at sometime of their lives enjoy ed an income in access of their im mediate wants is so inconsiderable that it is not worth while to make a computation. The mistake with many is that they will not look out for the future. One of the most dif ficult of undertakings is that of teach ing some people to live within their income, to save whenever possible. Good fortune or ability may secure employment for a young man that will bring him in a sum much larger than his needs require. His spirits arc buoyant. He sees no clouds in the iuture’s skies. Ho tells himself that having begun so well he must do better as the years go on. So he spends his money for extravagant dress and in other channels. The habit of extravagance, instead of the habit of saving, is contracted. Some of the young man’s money is thrown away in the gratification of tastes that, lower his value to his employer. In time, either through business de pression or his own inattention, fie is deprived of employment. If he is a j fellow of grit, and is capable of self j examination, he sits in judgment up ion himself and condemns his own foolishness. If he be a weak brother he speedily becomes useless to tbo world. His haoits of extravagance may lead him into forbidden paths. The habit of saving taught by par ents has been the saving of many a young man. Thrift withouth mean ness is honorable and houored all tho world over. The young man who saves is sure to become a valuable citizen. lie is certain to be a good father and husband. When the rainy-day day comes and age puts its heavy hand upon him he need have no fear. The young man who pre feres a good time is working against himself. If he has a good time at the beginning he is likely to have a hard time at the end. Youth is strong, and is capable of self-denial. Age is weak, and after it has fought the battle of life it ought not to bo compelled to practice all tho arts of saving.—Las Vegas Optic. Postponement of Folsom Lot Sale. It has been decided to postpone the auction sale of lots at Folsom ULtil December 11th. On that date the sale will occur under tamo arrange ments as announced for Nov. 13th. Tiik Folsom Sr’os Tows Imp't Co. On December 10th the excursion will bo run from Denver, Colorado Slings, Pueblo, Trinidad and inter mediate points, over the Pan-Handle Houte, to Folsom and return, at $5.00 maximum rate. GEO. ADY, General Passenger Agent.